When You Least Expect It
by Whovian overload River Song
Summary: (Part two, updates Saturday, Tuesday, and Thursday (EST)) The Timelord family must adjust to many changes in their lives starting with the death of River Song.
1. Remembered as Stories are: Forgotten

**Ch 1**

The Doctor held his son close to his chest as he walked into the room with the girls. He tried to not look like he'd been sobbing, hoping the girls wouldn't notice.

The girls ran to him, staring at the bundle in his arms, "Is that my baby brother?!" Freya exclaimed, as Arthur whined again, asking where River went.

"Yes," he nodded, not answering Arthur. "Indoor voices now." He put a finger over his lips and crouched for the girls to see their brother.

"Can I hold him?" Amelia asked, as both girls peered over to look at their brother.

"Sure. But you have to sit down and be very gentle."

She nodded scurrying into a seat and holding out her arms. He shifted the baby into her arms, keeping his hands there as support.

"Can I see Mummy?" Freya asked, looking up at the Doctor, completely innocent of what had happened.

He hesitated, chest tightening and mouth suddenly quite dry. "Don't you want to hold your little brother first?" He managed.

She thought about it, then nodded, waiting quite impatiently for her turn. Arthur whined in Amelia's arms, grumpy that it wasn't his mummy. Amelia was perplexed at the little boy who breathed and moved and made noise unlike her other brother.

"I wanna hold him not! It's my turn." Freya held out her arms.

"Keep your voice down, lovie. Arthur can't handle loud noise yet." He moved to take his son back. Arthur started crying again, wanting River even more now and missing the comfort of her thoughts. "Sh... sh, lovie. It's okay, you're alright." He tried to comfort, letting Freya hold him.

Freya held him for a few moments before making a face, "He's too loud."

"I know. He's just upset right now." He scooped Arthur back up. "Babies tend to cry a lot when they're upset." He explained.

"What is he upset?" She asked.

He felt fresh pain in his hearts at the question, knowing that they couldn't be oblivious forever. "Because he wants Mummy."

"Well then let's go see Mummy." Freya stood up, about to head for the room River was in.

"Wait, Freya. You can't go in there." He panicked, feeling a bit sick about having to tell them their mother was dead. "I need to tell you something. I've got to tell both of you."

"What is it?" Freya asked, turning to face him.

He swallowed hard, sitting in front of them. "Sometimes... when a baby is born, the birth doesn't always go well. It's not too often, but sometimes the mummy or the baby doesn't always... end up okay."

"Where's Mummy?" Amelia demanded, sensing where the conversation was headed.

"She's... she's gone to be with your other little brother." He whispered. He hoped River was at least given the chance to see William.

"What do you mean gone?" Amelia whimpered, "I want her to come back."

"I do too, but she isn't coming back." His voice broke.

"No!" She started to cry, running towards the room, "Mumma! Mumma!"

"Amelia!" He called, not wanting her to go in there yet. River hadn't been cleaned up and there was far too much blood for the little five year old to witness.

She refused to listen, running into the room and stopping when she saw River. Vastra, who was still in there and had begun to clean up her friend, looked up in alarm. "Amelia, you shouldn't be in here."

Amelia just stood, staring at her mother. Her lip trembled and tears cascaded down her cheeks as she stepped a bit closer, "Mummy? Mummy wake up."

Vastra walked over to the girl, crouching in front of her to block her view. "Now is not the time, Amelia. You must go back to your father until it's okay to come in here."

"No! I want my Mummy!" She sobbed, trying to move past her and reach her hand out to River.

Vastra caught Amelia in her arms. "Your Mummy is gone, little one. I'm so sorry, but that is the way things are now."

Amelia collapsed into a bundle of sobs, "She promised. She can't be gone, she promised. I want my Mummy! I need my Mummy!" Vastra gathered her up and rocked her, murmuring and trying to soothe her. Amelia pushed her away, not wanting anyone's comfort, only wanting River.

The Doctor came in without Freya, making a point of not looking at River's corpse. "Amelia..."

She didn't respond, curing into a tighter ball, crying hysterically. The Doctor handed Arthur to Vastra so he could scoop up his daughter. This was a promise to River he was going to try hard to keep. "Sh... Amelia, I know this is scary and I know how sad you are, but I'm still here for you, alright?" He sighed. "Do you want to be with Mummy?"

She nodded, crying into him. "I don't want her to be gone."

He nodded, bringing her over to River's corpse. "Listen to me, sweetheart. When you lose someone close to you, it's going to hurt for a very long time. Not physically, but on the inside. It's going to feel like this every time you think about it or find something of hers that she left behind, or even if a pillow still smells like her, it's going to hurt." He started to cry again. "But it's going to ache a little bit less every day. That doesn't mean to tomorrow you're going to feel better, because tomorrow she won't be back. But I promise, it won't feel like this forever. She'll always be with you, in your hearts. You'll find little pieces of her everywhere. You've got her eyes. Arthur has her smile. We all have her love. We'll always have that."

Amelia reached down, wanting to hug her mother. If she closed her eyes, and ignored the coldness of her body, it was almost as if River was still there, hugging her back.

He set her down and let her hug her mum. The sight was enough to tear him apart all over again. "Vastra... can you bring Freya in here? She's with Jack."

She nodded, leaving the room to get the girl. Amelia whimpered as she cuddled further into River. He rubbed her back in a soothing motion.

Jack and Vastra came in with Freya after a few minutes. Jack carrying the girl and Vastra carrying the baby. Amelia looked up at her sister. "I d-don't think Mu-Mummy's coming b-back."

Freya had been crying as well, those words only making her cry harder now. "But she promised. She promised we'd all be together." Jack put Freya down next to her sister and she mirrored Amelia.

"It's the b-bad sleep. She's n-not gonna wake up."

"But she hasta wake up!" She cried at the feeling of how cold her mother was, "Who's going to read us stories and give us kisses?"

Amelia looked at her father. "W-w still have Daddy..."

"But I want Daddy _and_ Mummy." She whimpered.

"Me too!" Amelia found herself in a new bout of tears. Both girls curled up against River, sobbing. All they wanted was to hear her voice again, feel her arms around them and get one last kiss from her.

Vastra and Jack bowed their heads at the mourning family. Jack was probably the only one in the room who was still keeping Missy in mind.

Amelia and Freya both stayed curled up against their mother's body for what seemed like hours. Arthur started to wail loudly again. The Doctor eventually took his son back, comforting him against his chest. "He's hungry..."

"I'll go find some formula." Vastra murmured, leaving to go to the other room.

He sat back with the girls, watching them sniffle. Arthur's sobs suddenly stopped, staring at a seemingly blank space in the air beside the Doctor. He frowned in confusion. "Not hungry any more?"

The baby continued to stare at the space, gurgling something about Mummy to the empty air. His hearts stuttered and he turned around. In Arthur's eyes, River was standing there, smiling and whispering how everything was going to be alright, but to the girls, who had also looked up, the space was empty.

The Doctor investigated the air, turning in a complete circle with but ending up disappointed when he found nothing but cold. His eyes trailed back to River's body, reminding himself painfully that his wife was dead now and whatever Arthur was looking at wasn't real. At least the boy wasn't crying now, but that made him the only one in the room who wasn't.

Freya looked angrily on at her brother, her eyes still swimming with tears. "Freya, lovie..." The Doctor said, sensing her mood change. "What's the matter?"

"Why is he smiling?" She was getting angrier, "This is his fault! It's his fault that Mummy's gone!"

"Freya, it's _not_ his fault. It was no one's fault, sometimes these things happen with no reason." It wasn't entirely true, but there were too many reasons to blame that playing 'pass the fault' would take days. "Maybe he just sees something new and it made him smile. Everything's new to him."

"It is his fault!" She cried, a fresh wave of tears coming, "If he wasn't born then she wouldn't be gone!" She shouted, "I don't want a little brother anymore, I want Mummy!"

He instinctively held the baby closer. "Freya... this was Mummy's choice."

She blinked, "What?"

He sighed heavily, sitting back down. "Your Mum and I... we knew that this would happen. We knew for a long time, and we had a choice. We could chose to have your little brother or... not have him. And Mummy chose his life."

Her lip trembled, "Why would she do that? Why would she choose to leave me?"

"She didn't want to leave you, sweetheart. She wanted you both to be happy. You two have wanted a little brother for a very long time now. She wanted you to have him, she wanted him to have a life." He remembered again how happy she was to hear her son cry.

"But I don't want him anymore!" She cried, "I don't want him here!"

"Now, don't say things like that." He frowned. "Wishing him away isn't going to bring Mummy back. Mummy wanted him, I want him, and you'll learn to want him here, too." He looked at his son. "Mummy's part of him. She's part of all of us."

She crossed her arms, "I won't learn to want him, I'll _never_ want him. It's his fault Mummy's not here and I'll _never_ forgive him!"

He blinked at her, trying to assure himself that her feelings would in fact change and this reaction was only in the heat of her grief. "I'm sorry you feel that way right now, but Mummy isn't coming back and he's not leaving."

She stared angrily at him, before cuddling back into River's side. He wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay, but he knew he'd be pushed away. Vastra returned with the formula in a bottle and gave it to the Doctor, who tried to feed it to Arthur.

Arthur's gaze had shifted to the Doctor's shoulder, and he had been making sounds as if trying to get someone's attention, though it wasn't directed at the Doctor. He fussed when given the bottle, still staring just past his father.

"Arthur, there's nothing there." He looked over his shoulder again to make sure. "See? Please, just drink? I know it's not as good as what Mummy could give you, but it's all you've got."

Arthur's wailing suddenly grew louder, the noise sounding distressed and resembling the words come back. Freya blocked her ears, "Shut up!" She shouted, even though she knew she wasn't allowed to say that phrase.

"Freya, we do _not_ say things like that." He frowned at her disapprovingly.

"I can say whatever I want and I want him to shut up!" She shouted at the baby who only cried louder.

"You're going to get a timeout if you keep up with that attitude. I know you're upset and hurt, but that doesn't give you the right to say things like that."

"Make him stop crying!"

"I can't. He wants Mummy." He said quietly.

"Well then he deserves to cry because it's his fault that she's gone." She clung to River.

"Alright, that was your last chance." He said more sternly. "You've just earned yourself a time out."

"No!" She sobbed, burying her face into River's side, not wanting to be taken away from her.

"You can survive three minutes. Vastra, could I have some help?"

"No! No! No! Please, no!" She was making the most distraught screams a child could make, clinging to River with her life. "Mumma! No!"

The Doctor and Vastra hesitated before Vastra spoke up. "If you apologize to your father and promise no longer to speak so rudely, you can stay." She was crying too much by now to say anything, her whole body shaking with sobs. Vastra scooped up the girl and rocked her. "Hush now, dear."

The Doctor nodded his appreciation, trying to get Arthur to latch again.

"No!" Freya screamed when she was removed from River's side, "Put me down! No! Mummy!"

"You can go back when you apologize." Vastra's stern voice was more intimidating than the Doctor's.

"NO!" Her screams were growing loud enough to carry through the walls, "Mummy! No!" Vastra sighed and brought her to the other room for her time out.

"Doc, are you sure this is the best time to be punishing her?" Jack sighed.

He shook his head. "No.. I just don't know what to do. River was always better at this."

"This is the last time she's ever going to physically be with River. We shouldn't be taking it away from her. She's acting out because she's upset, now is not the right time for punishment."

"I know, you're right." He squeezed his eyes shut. "Arthur, why won't you eat? Please, for Daddy?"

Jack went to go bring Freya back. Arthur finally took the bottle, only eating a little before crying.

The Doctor went to sit in the corner chair, trying to get him to eat more as he watched the people in front of him. Amelia had been silent the whole time, almost as still as her mother. She was still crying, a small, forgotten bundle of sorrow. Freya was a puddle of sobs and incoherent complaints in Vastra's arms as she was brought back and placed back in her previous spot.

It was going to be a long night.


	2. We're All Stories in the End

**Ch 2**

The girls stayed beside their mother's body, crying and clinging to her for hours. They refused to leave her side, refused to eat and didn't dare give into sleep.

Arthur had eventually fallen into a restless nap. The Doctor had refused to put him down at all, staring as his wife and daughters the entire time. Though Vastra and Jack offered food to everyone, no one took it.

River's picture box appeared beside the chair the Doctor was sitting in, along with the framed picture of her that she and the Doctor had picked out not days before. The Doctor refused to look at it for a while, knowing the sight was sure to break him more, but eventually gave in, frozen to the spot. River's eyes seemed to sparkle in the picture, reflecting nothing but happiness.

Vastra came again to urge him to eat, but he didn't register her words. "I've got to go to the nursery."

"What? Why?" She frowned.

"It's not finished. River wanted it finished." He stood, not exactly thinking clearly. "I've- I've got to go fix it. Missy broke the walls. Well I broke the walls, but I need to finish it."

"Doctor, it can wait." Vastra put a hand on his arm, "You can't leave now."

"No, I have to." He pushed the heel of his hand to his forehead. "The picture. She wanted him to remember her that way. I need to hang it up."

She kneeled down in front of him, "Doctor, he's right here. You don't need to go hang it right now. Why don't you just show it to him instead?"

"I..." He looked between her and the baby in his arms. "He's not safe. None of you are safe and I... I promised to keep you all safe. She wants the ceremony where William's was and we can't _go_ anywhere because we're not _safe_ and I have to keep you _safe_. There's no- there's no point in having a nursery if he can't sleep in it and play in it and he's not _safe_. We're not safe."

"We're safe here. For now, we're safe. Please, _please_ stay with your children. They need you right now."

"They need their Mum and I'm not their Mum." He closed his eyes.

"No, they need their Father. You know that. You promised River you would help them through this, now is the time to honor that promise." She whispered.

He look a shaky breath and was silent for a long moment. When he looked up at his friend, his eyes were wet but something in them said that her words had reached him.

After another moment he stood and took the picture box with his free hand before going over to his daughters. "Girls... I have something for you." Both girls looked up at him, their faces wet and blotchy from crying. He sat on the edge of the bed. "Come here. This was Mummy's."

"It's this her picture box?" Amelia asked quietly, inching closer.

"Yes." He nodded, setting it down. "Do... do you want to look through it?" They nodded timidly. "Here..." He rifled through until he found one of River. It was from an anniversary of theirs on Dochremi, the one he'd been talking to River about to distract her during labor.

"Mummy looks pretty." Amelia murmured, staring longingly at the photograph.

"She liked to dress up when we went out together." He told her, tone matching.

Amelia started crying again, burying her face in his arm. He shifted a still sleeping Arthur so he could wrap his arm around her. "It's okay, lovie."

"She's never going to play dress up with me again." She sobbed.

"No... I'm afraid not. Why don't we look at another picture, hmm?"

Freya nodded on his other side, also teary eyed. He gestured for her to come to their side in case she wanted a hug or something of the like. She shook her head, still angry with him for taking her away from River. He quietly took out another picture.

This time, it was a photograph of River laughing as she hugged Freya. It looked recent, probably from Arthur's baby shower. Freya blinked hard and looked away, clinging to River's cold, stiff hand.

Amelia sniffled, "Did Arthur get to take a picture with Mummy?"

"No." He replied sadly. They'd been a bit preoccupied.

"Oh..." She looked down.

"Mummy helped pick out the pictures in his room, so he'll still have nice ones."

"They're my pictures, I don't what him to have any." Freya frowned.

"No, Freya, the pictures in his room are going to stay in his room. We can hang some up in your room if you'd like." He tried to get her off the subject.

"You said they were mine and Amelia's and I don't want him to have any. He never even got to know Mummy. He doesn't even care that she's dead!" It was the first time anyone had referred to River as dead.

"He does, actually." He said quietly. "He's been in Mummy for the past eight months and they've been able to communicate with each other for most of that time. That's why he's been crying, love. He's just as sad as you are, as we all are."

"No he's not." She stuck her tongue out at the baby.

He huffed in frustration and again hoped this was just because of her mourning. He pulled out another picture, this one of River at a dig site. Neither girl said much about the picture, just looking at it with sad eyes.

He went through quite a few, explaining some of them and just staring at others.

"Which one is your favorite?" Amelia asked quietly.

"Of Mummy?" He looked over to where he'd left the framed picture. "That one."

"Which one is that?" She asked, peering over to see it.

"Vastra could you...?"

Vastra nodded, bringing the photo over to them.

"Mummy picked this one to be framed. It's... it's how she wanted her kids to remember her." He said clearly to include Arthur in that.

"I like that one too." Amelia whimpered, touching the glass of the frame lightly.

"Maybe we should hang it up somewhere we all can see." It wasn't the original plan, but he thought it might be worth it. Both girls nodded, liking the sound of the idea. "Right in the living room, yeah?" He suggested.

They nodded again. "Or in the console room."

"Yes, well I think we're going to be spending a lot of time in the house... once we have all of this worked out. You guys will be going back to school... when you feel ready for it." He told them.

"Oh..." Amelia sniffled, "Can I have a copy for my room?"

"Of course." He nodded, thinking he could make a few copies and Arthur could still have the original in his room like he and River agreed.

"Can we put it next to our bed?" She asked.

"Yes, but you might have to wait until we can make copies." Not to mention have access back to their room.

Toby wondered into the room, peering up at the bed River was laying on. The Doctor glanced at the dog. "Are you girls hungry?"

They shook their head as Toby nudged River's limp hand.

"Not even a little?" He urged. "You don't have to get up, I can bring you something."

They shook their heads again, looking at Toby when he barked at River, then whimpered.

"Hush now, Toby." He murmured. "She's not going to wake up." The dog tried licking her hand, not understanding.

He patted the bed even though there wasn't much space with the family crowded on it. The dog tried to jump up, momentarily distracted by the baby. He crept over, sniffing the small face.

Arthur shied away in his sleep, gurgling unconsciously about the big kitty.

Toby pressed his nose against the baby's head, licking his face. This time the baby opened his eyes, the small orbs widening in surprise at the large fluffy thing. The dog barked a bit too loudly, unintentionally of course. Arthur jumped and his face scrunched up as he began to cry.

"Good boy, Toby." Freya patted his head.

"No, bad boy." The Doctor frowned, and pointed to the floor as an indication for the dog to leave the bed.

"No, Toby. Good boy. Stay!" Freya held him tighter, not letting him get off the bed. Toby whimpered, confused as to who he should be obeying.

"I don't want him to leave." Amelia whimpered, having stayed quiet until now.

The Doctor hesitated. "He scares Arthur when he barks..."

"He didn't mean to." She looked up at him with her big sad eyes, "It was an accident. Freya's just being mean."

"Well... alright." He gave in, not feel like he had the position to deny them anything right now. He was at least glad to know Amelia didn't share her sister's opinions about their brother. "But he only has one more chance."

"Why are you being so mean?" Amelia glared at her sister.

"Because it's his fault. He took Mummy away." She replied bitterly.

"No, it's not! And Mummy wouldn't want you to be so mean!"

"Well Mummy isn't here and if we didn't have a stupid little brother she would be so it is his fault."

"I don't think he's stupid." Amelia whispered.

"He's a _killer._ " Freya added harshly.

"He's a _baby_." She snapped back.

"He still killed Mummy." Freya fixed her glare on the floor.

"When our other brother died you didn't say Mummy killed him"

"That's because Mummy wouldn't do that."

"And our brother didn't do that either."

"How do _you_ know?" She hissed.

"Because I do and if you weren't such a big bully you would too!" Freya fell silent, eyes burning with tears. "Go away Freya. Nobody wants you here if you're going to be so mean." Amelia frowned, arms crossed.

"No! I'm not leaving Mummy!"

"Mummy wouldn't want you either if she knew how mean you were being!"

"Well maybe you didn't even love Mummy if you think our brother is good because it's his fault and you don't even care!" Freya blurted out.

"Now you're just being stupid! _You're_ the one who didn't really love Mummy because you don't love our brother and you know that she would want us to!"

"Girls, please stop-" The Doctor tried to but in, but Freya was already sobbing. She jumped to the floor and ran into the other room. Amelia watched her go, glaring. "That wasn't very nice of you, Amelia." The Doctor murmured.

"She started it." Amelia whispered.

"I'm aware that she wasn't being very nice either, but she's hurting right now just like you are."

Amelia pouted, not saying anything more.

He sighed. "Vastra? Could you take Arthur? I need to check on Freya." Vastra nodded, gently taking the baby from his arms. "I'll be right back." He kissed Arthur's forehead and then Amelia's before following to where Freya had gone.

Freya was curled in a ball in the corner of the other room, crying quietly.

"Freya? Dearie?" He approached her cautiously. She didn't answer, curling tighter into her ball. "Hey, it's alright. I only want to talk to you." He murmured.

"Why?" She whimpered, peering up at him.

"Because that's what daddies do when their daughters are sad." He said softly. She relaxed just a tad, lifting her head a bit more. He sat down in front of her. "I'm sorry about what's happening. I'm sorry it's making you so sad and hate your little brother."

She looked at her feet, still not saying anything.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm going try to help you through this as much as I can. I can do some of the things that Mummy did, like kiss you goodnight or make you mac and cheese..." He continued. "I know it won't be the same, but I'll still be here for you."

"But _she_ won't be here." Freya choked, "I'll never get to talk to her again. I'll never get to tell her I love her again."

"She knows how much you loved her. Trust me, she knew. And she loved you and Amelia more than anything." He breathed.

"But I won't ever get to hear her say it again." She sniffed, tears welling up in her eyes again.

He scooted closer, wrapping his arms around the girl. "Actually, I might have a little something for you that might help."

"What is it?"

"Your Mummy and I made a video, it was a long time ago when she was pregnant with you and Amelia. She talks to you two in it, she tells you that she loves you."

"Can I see it?" She asked almost immediately.

He managed a weak smile for her. "Yes, of course."

"Now?" She stood up, a small light in her eyes.

He nodded as a small and old fashioned television materialized in the room with a plastic and block-like tape next to it. "Put the tape in and press play."

She carefully slide the tape in, pressing the button.

There was static for a moment before some of the audio kicked in. _"Sweetie, that's not suppose to plug into there."_

Freya's eyes were fixated on the television, staring at the static, which soon turned to some footage of the Doctor's shoes. _"Are you sure? I don't think it's working."_

It was the Doctor's voice, then footsteps and soon River's bare feet joined the footage.

 _"You're holding it wrong."_

The camera soon pointed up to the ceiling and they could see that it was the TARDIS library. An exasperated sigh came from River, _"Here, you have to hold it like this."_ The camera moved once more, the picture going from the ceiling to River's face. Freya and the Doctor smiled.

The camera was set down by River on a table, or some other non-moving surface, and the pair settled on a couch in front of it. It was clear that River was pregnant, she appeared about half term. _"Why are we doing this again?"_ She asked

 _"Because one day you'll want more than all those photos to look back on. Besides, what if our daughter wants to see something like this and all she has are photos? Trust me, you'll thank me."_

River had a beautiful, happy glow about her. Her eyes sparkled as she looked into the camera. She looked so much better than she had the past few weeks; healthy and breathing. _"Would you like to start?"_

 _"Well, yes. As a matter of fact."_ The video Doctor cleared his throat and shifted his hand around, eventually settling on draping an arm over River's shoulders. _"Hello Baby. I know that's not your name and you're probably not a baby while you're watching this, but we haven't got a name yet so, for now you're 'Baby'."_ He coughed nervously again. " _Uh, you're Mum and I just wanted to let you know how excited we are to be parents. I haven't been a dad in a very long time and your Mum hasn't ever been a mum before... I think."_

River leaned into the embrace, laughing nervously, _"No, I can't say I have been a mum."_ Her expression changed to a warm, loving smile, " _But like your Father said, we're so excited to meet you. And we want you to know that we love you, and we always will. No matter what becomes of us in this ever changing universe, we will always love you."_

 _"Ah, see now? You don't think this is so bad."_ He turned to River, teasing.

 _"Oh, shut up."_ She laughed weakly, turning to give him a kiss.

He rested his hand on her stomach, pulling away excitedly after a moment. _"Did you feel that?"_

Her eyes light up and she nodded, _"Do you think that kick meant 'I love you two, too?'"_

 _"Quite possibly."_ He kissed her cheek.

 _"I think probably."_ She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder and looking down at her abdomen, _"I love you, my sweet baby."_

"I love you, too." Freya whispered to the screen, hardly a whisper.

River's eyes flickered back up to the camera one more time, her smiling face the last thing on the screen before it turned to static again.


	3. Not Everything Ends, Not love

**Ch 3**

The Doctor hugged his daughter closer. "Feel a little better?"

Freya nodded, hugging him as tightly as she could manage, "Do you have any more videos?"

He thought for a moment. The first that came to mind -all River's idea to catch on tape- was nowhere near appropriate for her to see nor was he ever planning on showing it to her. "Uh, I think we've got one of our weddings on film."

"Can we watch it?" She asked quietly.

He nodded as the TARDIS materialized the tape. "Will you go put it in?"

She nodded, getting up and carefully removing the first tape before placing the new one in. This one was a better sort of qualify, mostly because the Doctor wasn't the one handling the equipment.

Immediately he and River appeared on screen under a terrace of flowers. "Ah. Third wedding. Mummy wanted to have an Earth ceremony like the one your grandparents had."

River was wearing a white gown, rather simple, but elegant. She was only looking at the Doctor, eyes fixated on his face. The Doctor's tux matched what he'd worn on the Pond's wedding night, though his bowtie was from his first wedding, a tradition.

Each Pond was stood on the side, Rory as the best man and Amy as the maid of honor. The priest doing the vows was unfamiliar to the family, but appeared jolly none the less. He went through the vows, and River and Doctor on screen repeated after him when told to do so with nothing but love in their eyes.

When it came time for them to kiss, River practically pounced on him, hauling him to her for a deep, passionate kiss. The guests there cheered and he dipped River down like he'd seen in Earth movies, lips never leaving hers. River was laughing when she pulled away, pressing her nose to his.

 _"We should have the next one on Trudchi."_ The Doctor laughed alongside her.

She gave him one more kiss, _"Let's get through the wedding night first, shall we? I'm rather looking forward to it_."

He blushed and took her hand, saying something in her ear about his plans for that night as they walked off view of the camera.

The video cut to what seemed to be later that night, with River and the Doctor slow dancing in Amy and Rory's backyard. The pair didn't seem aware that they were being filmed. The camera turned in the holder's hand showing Amy grinning with her finger to her lips before it turned back to the dancing 'newlyweds'.

River seemed to be talking to her husband, though it wasn't clear exactly what she was saying.

"What's Mummy telling you?" Freya whispered.

"She was reciting an old Gallifreyan poem to me." The Doctor murmured reminiscently.

"Can you tell it to me?"

"Kr'Ibrii ka'RI ty'Et yuesiikl kara siira ophe'I anyue'Vabrii sii'A ty'Et shenkasii'Eara..." He began, the ancient language rolling off his tongue in sync with what River was whispering in the video.

Freya didn't understand at least half the words. She was quiet until he was finished, looking at him with wide eyes, "What does that mean?"

"It's a bit complicated, but it means... well it's about love and how it makes you feel inside and about your lover. How every little thing your partner does is like magic."

"Oh..." She nodded.

The video ended. "There's another poem by the same person. Mummy would tell you and Amelia when you were still in her belly. It was about the relationship between parents and children and it was so filled with love."

"Can you teach it to me one day?" She asked, hugging his waist again.

"Yes," He nodded returning the hug. "Now Freya, I do also want to talk about your feelings toward your little brother."

Her expression hardened, "Why?"

"I think we... should strike some sort of balance. You don't like him," He said, though he didn't believe it. "But I think you'd rather sit with Mummy than hide away here. The thing is, Arthur, Amelia, and I also want to sit with Mummy."

"He already got to sit with Mummy." Freya frowned.

"And so did you, but that doesn't mean you're done, now does it?" He replied calmly.

"No, but he got more time than me!"

"So did I, but you're not saying I should go sit with her." He sighed. "Look, I know this is very hard for you, but you don't have pass the blame. Sometimes these things just happen for causes no one can control."

"But it _is_ his fault! If he wasn't born then she wouldn't be gone."

"If he wasn't born and Mummy was still here, you'd still be very much wanting a little brother." He pointed out.

"I only want a little brother if he's not a _killer_." She snapped, crossing her arms.

"This would have happened with any baby Mummy might have had. Brother or Sister. Arthur or Terra. This still would have happened." He tried to explain.

"Then Mummy shouldn't have had another baby." She frowned.

"You asked her to." He whispered. "You and Amelia had asked for a very long time. She wanted to make you happy."

"But I told her that I didn't want a little brother if it was going to make her sick or get the bad sleep." She whispered, eyes filling with tears. She felt like this was her fault now.

"She didn't know right away what would happen." He soothed. "By the time she realized, she didn't want to give him up."

"She should have. He's not worth it." She sniffled.

"Mummy would think he is." He murmured, hoping River's opinion might mean something to her. "And Mummy thought you'd love getting to be a big sister."

"I told her I didn't want a brother or sister if she was going to get the bad sleep!" Freya curled into herself again.

He rubbed her back. "Lovie, she couldn't give up Arthur. And she wanted you to love him like she did. I know you blame him and maybe you can't be a big sister to him right now, but I really hope you come around soon."

"I don't like him. I just want him to go away." She began to cry again.

"I think you'd be sad if that happened, too." He murmured.

"No, I wouldn't." She shook her head, "I don't like him!"

"Do we call people names when we don't like them?"

"No." She frowned.

He nodded. "That's right. He's only a few hours old, Freya. I know you don't like him, but you have been being mean..."

"No I haven't!" She began crying harder, sniffling and sobbing.

He ran his hand over her curls in a soothing motion. "It's alright to admit your faults. Nobody is going to think you're any less strong than you are."

"I'm not being mean." She sobbed.

"Would you call Amelia mean if she called you stupid and said she didn't want to be your sister?"

Freya just continued to cry, not responding, though she knew he was right. He hoped he was starting to get through to her, holding her close and rocking again.

She sobbed heavily for another fifteen minutes, keeping her arms wrapped around herself. He attempted to whisper comforts to her, letting her know that she was still very loved and cared for. "I want my Mummy." She cried.

"I'm so sorry, my love. Mummy's gone." Her sobbing continued, only growing louder. "I'm here, Freya. I'm here." He tried to assure, imagining that she felt quite alone.

She didn't calm down for quite a long time, her heart hurting with how much she missed River.

By that time, Vastra and Amelia had come in. Arthur had been left with Jack in the other room. Freya was still sniffling, curled up in her own tiny ball. Amelia still glared at her sister, but had her attention drawn to the television. "Why's that here?"

"B-B-Because I w-was w-watching something." Freya sniffled.

"What were you watching?" She insisted.

Freya shook her head, not wanting to share with her sister. She wanted to keep the videos of River a secret, feeling like they were just for her.

"It's my and Mummy's third wedding." The Doctor said, not mentioning the other video for now, allowing Freya to still have it be personal.

"Can I see it?" Amelia asked, looking hopefully at the screen.

"Rewind it and then press play." He nodded.

Vastra helped her work the VCR, then sat beside the Doctor and Freya. Freya didn't like her sister getting to see the video at all, but watched attentively as it started to play again.

River and the Doctor appeared back on the screen, running through the wedding again. Amelia sat on the floor, staring an almost shock. Her mum was there laughing, standing, _breathing._ She could hardly remember the last time River looked that lively. Freya started sucking on her thumb, curled up against the Doctor's chest. She could have stayed there all day watching the video.

The Doctor told Amelia the same thing he told his other daughter when she asked about what River was whispering.

"Are there more?" Amelia whispered once the video had ended. He nodded slowly. "Can we watch them?" She asked.

He pointed to where Freya had left the other tape. "You' have to rewind that one, too."

"No!" Freya cried, jumping up and taking the tape.

"Hey!" Amelia lunged to get it back. "No fair, I wanna see it!"

"No! It's just for me!" She held it close to her chest.

"Freya, she's allowed to see it, too. It was for both of you." The Doctor said sternly.

"B-But it's for me! Mummy was talking to me!" She started to cry again, squeezing the tape.

"That's because we didn't know there were two of you yet." He explained gently.

"So it's mine! It's just mine!" She sobbed, the video had felt so special and personal, she didn't want to share it.

"Amelia, maybe you can see it later..." He suggested. Freya needed an anchor like that video that could just belong to her for now.

"But I want to watch another video." Amelia pouted.

"I know, and you will, but could you wait until your sister feels ready to share with you?" He asked. She sighed and nodded. "Thank you, lovie." He offered a weak but appreciative smile.

Freya had started to calm down now that she knew the video would remain hers.

The Doctor sighed heavily, mentally exhausted. He half expected River to just walk into the room and suggest a game to the girls. Instead he got Jack entering with a fussing Arthur.

"I think he needs a diaper change." Jack muttered, holding the fussy baby out for the Doctor.

"Right." He stood and took his son. "I'll take care of that." Freya glared at the baby as he was passed from Jack to the Doctor. The Doctor tried not to notice. "I'll... uh, be right back." He said, deciding it best to change him in the other room.

Amelia came running to the Doctor a few minutes later, holding another tape. "Daddy, look!" Her name was writing on it in River's handwriting.

He looked up from wrapping Arthur in River's blanket. "What's that, lovie?"

"It's another video! For me!"

He scooped Arthur into one of his arms, holding out his other hand. "Let me see."

She handed it to him, "Be careful with it, it's mine."

He nodded his understanding. "...Are you sure it's not labeled for your grandmum?"

Her face fell, "Oh... I don't know."

"Have you watched it yet?" He pondered. She shook her head. "Tell you what, let's take a peek and see, yeah?" He suggested.

She nodded, though her hopes had been a bit squished He lead her back into the other room. "Do you want to put it in the telly?" She nodded. He handed the tape back to her.

She carefully put the tape into the VCR and pressed play.

There was static for a very long moment, before River appeared on the screen. She was alone in Amy and Rory's bedroom, looking very sad, though trying her best not to be so tearful on screen.

The Doctor instantly recognized that this was only a week or two after Manhattan. Amelia stared at the screen, her eyes wide and watery, willing with all she had that the video was meant for her.

 _"I was going to start off with something sappy, maybe something to tell you how much I miss you,"_ River started. _"But I can't get out of my head the promise I made you: that we'd name our daughters after each other."_ She wiped at her eye with the heel of her hand. _"I almost want this to be for her so I can tell her about her namesake, but I can't make this for someone who doesn't exist and probably never will."_

Amelia's eyes welled up with tears and she began to sob when she realized the video wasn't for her. The Doctor wrapped her up in as best a hug he could while still holding Arthur.

 _"The thing is, I've not thought too much about having kids until you were gone. I've always just... dismissed the thought, and I don't know what it is now that's making me feel more... maternal."_ She lied, pausing again to sniff. _"I need to go away for a bit, just to get back to my old self. I just can't do that if I'm still clinging to you. It's not a goodbye, I just needed somewhere to put this that wasn't my diary."_

The Doctor started to realize exactly when this was, exactly what had happened that he had been oblivious to at the time.

Amelia's wails grew louder, all she wanted was a video of her own. Her body shook with sobs against the Doctor.

 _"It's just been really hard this past week with-"_ The video was cut off as the Doctor pressed pause. He felt it was making his daughter too distressed.

"It's all right love. Sh, sh, it's alright."

"W-w-why isn't th-there one for m-me?!" She sobbed.

"I don't know." He stroked her hair. "But that doesn't mean she didn't love with all that she could love you with."

She didn't calm down, "B-but Freya got a v-video and my b-baby brother g-g-got a b-blanket, but she d-didn't give m-me anything."

"Technically the video was meant for both of you..." He muttered. "How about we find something she'd want you to have, hmm?" She didn't really answer him, crying too hard to respond.

He sighed and rocked her, resuming the video. It was mostly for his own curiosity: he'd never seen it before and River had only mentioned a few times, never really talking about the miscarriage he knew was recent for her in the video.

Amelia's wails grew louder when she heard the video turn back on. Vastra crept over, gently taking Amelia from the Doctor, shooting him a look. "Doctor," Vastra murmured, her tone a bit sharp, "Perhaps we should wait until she calms down."

He reached to pause it again, deciding he could watch it later in private."Um, right." He nodded quickly, hitting the eject button. "Sorry, I... sorry."

"Come now, Amelia. Let's lie down for a bit." Vastra murmured.

"I don't wanna! I want Mummy!" She squirmed.

"Shhh, shhh, no. We're going to take a rest for a few minutes and then you can see her."

"I want to see her now." She bawled.

"I know you do." Vastra murmured, rubbing her back, "But I think you should lay down for a minute to catch your breath. Once you've had a minute to take a break, we'll go see her."

It look a moment, but she eventually nodded, rather spent from her fit. Vastra gently put her down on one of the beds, "I'll be right back, let me get you a blanket."

The girl nodded silently. Had she let her father continue the tape, she would've seen that River had taped over the end and added a piece for her. For now, no one knew.


	4. Thicker than Blood

**Ch 4**

Freya moved to crawl up on the bed, occupying the opposite end that her sister was at.

"Amelia..." River's voice floated through the room, though Freya didn't seem to hear, "Amelia."

Amelia's head shot up, fresh tears springing to her eyes. "Mummy?"

River's form sat on the edge of the bed, shimmering and pixilated, "It's alright, my sweet."

She reached out for River though her hand went right through her. "Come back! Why can't I touch you?"

River put her hand so it would have been touching Amelia's head if she were more than just a projection, "Because I'm not really here. Only my mind is here."

"Then go back to your body." She insisted, sitting up. "Then everything will be okay."

"I wish I could, my love, but I can't. It's not that simple." She looked at Amelia, then Freya, then the Doctor across the room.

"I don't understand. Just come back. Please come back." Amelia whimpered. No one else seemed to see River. "Why didn't you leave me a video?"

River shook her head, eyes sparkling with tears, "I did, I did leave you a video. And there are other things for you and Freya and Arthur and Daddy back in my room. I promise, I didn't forget to leave you things, my darling. I love you so, so much. And I'm so very sorry."

"Don't leave us! Don't leave me! You hafta come back and make things better! Please, Mummy, stay! Come back!" She was sobbing all over again.

"Doctor!" Vastra called, running to Amelia, alarmed that she appeared to be yelling at nothing.

River did what resembled a hug, "I wish I could Amelia, I wish I could, but I can't. I'm so sorry. Oh, Amelia, I'm so sorry."

Amelia tried to hug back, grasping at the air in vain. "Mu-mummy!" She wailed. "Don't go! D-don't go!"

River moved off the bed standing a few steps back as Vastra ran to Amelia, holding her tightly, "Doctor! Come here, quickly!"

"No! Go away!" She struggled against Vastra. "You're not Mummy!"

The Doctor rushed over. "What's going on?"

"I don't know! She's screaming as if River's here, I don't know what's wrong." Vastra moved away.

River's eyes softened as the Doctor came over, reaching out to touch him. He passed through her hand, nothing about him showing that he noticed her ghost. He took Vastra's place beside his daughter. "Amelia, lovie. Talk to us, what's wrong?"

River's face fell and she took another step forward towards to Doctor, wishing he could see her.

"Mummy!" Amelia sobbed, pointing towards River, "Mummy come here!"

"There's nothing there." He whispered, feeling her forehead.

"No! Just look! She's there! She's there!" Amelia wailed, reaching for River.

Vastra went to the spot she was pointing at, standing half in River's ghost. "I'll get some fluids for her."

"Daddy, please! Look!" Amelia sobbed, "Please, but her back in her body. Put her head back in her body and it will be all better."

"I can't, sweetheart. Even if she were there, I can't put a ghost back. Her body is too broken." He told her, trying to keep his voice soothing. He looked toward the spot, right at River's eyes in fact, but no recognition flashed. He only saw empty air.

"Then fix her body and then put her back." Amelia whimpered.

River walked right up to the Doctor so she was nose to nose with him, "You never could see what was staring you right in the face..." She muttered.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that." He sighed.

"Mummy, why can't he see you? You're right there."

"I don't know, sweetie." She whispered, "Maybe he just doesn't want to. You can see me because you have a mental link with the TARDIS and you're open to the idea that I could still be here. That's allowed you to see me. Daddy has a mental link with the TARDIS to, but… I suppose he's already closed his mind to my thoughts."

"But that's not fair!"

"What's not fair?" The Doctor urged.

"Mummy said you can't see her because you're not thinking about her anymore." Amelia looked at him. She hadn't exactly understood what River was saying, so her explanation was a bit off.

"That's not true. Of course I'm still thinking about her." River hadn't left his mind for weeks in fact.

"You have to let her mind into yours." She whispered.

"Like a psychic link? I can't link with her if she'd dead." He said, sadness building when he realized he'd never have the chance to again.

"Yes you can! The TARDIS will help you! The TARDIS will make your head and Mummy's head come together and then you can see her!'

"Her mind has gone. She's wherever people go after they die." He rubbed her arm, turning to Vastra. "I don't think it's hallucinations... Impressions of Timelords can be held in other Timelord minds for a while after death."

"Why won't you just try?" Amelia whimpered, "Please."

He sighed but nodded, thinking it would make her feel better. River stood in front of him, eyes fixated on his, willing him to see her. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the TARDIS, assuming the old girl would lead him to where he needed.

"Please...please... " River breathed, taking a step towards him.

He linked quickly with the TARDIS, able to search in rooms, not for life, but for it's essence in consciousness. His eyes shot open, but not because he'd found River, but because he found someone else. He stared frighteningly at the wall. "She's here."

"No, I'm here..." River whispered, reaching out for his cheek a tear trailing down her own.

He stood. "Vastra, take the girls to the other room." He handed Arthur to Jack. "It's Missy."

Vastra swept the girls up and ran to the other room with Jack.

River stayed beside him as the wall began to get pounded in. The door to where the girls now were disappeared and he pulled out his sonic, holding it at the ready.

The next blow made a hole big enough for Missy to step through, looking annoyed, "No more hiding, Doctor. I'm finished with hide and go seek."

"You're just mad because I won." He spat back.

She cracked a smile, "Won? Oh, hardly, Doctor."

"I've had you searching for nearly two days. That's got to count for something." He gripped the sonic tighter.

River touched the Doctor's arm gently, standing in front of him as if she could protect him in some way.

"If you think I was searching all that time, you're mistaken. You should see the state the swimming pool's in. Oh, and the library. Fire is just so much fun." She mused. "Though I did some mucking about and I did find this peculiar thing." She held up River's diary.

"No!" River's eyes widened and she ran to snatch the book out of Missy's hand. The book didn't move as River couldn't truly touch it.

"How the hell did you get that." He demanded.

"Oh, it was just laying around, out in the open where anyone could get to it. It's quite interesting actually, shall I read a bit to you?" She opened the book, flipping through the pages dramatically, "Oh, here's a good one! Dear Diary, I lost the baby." Missy's face contorted into mock pity, "Oh, how sad."

"Stop it. Just stop it! You have no right." He moved forwards to snatch the book back.

She hopped back, grinning madly as she flicked through the pages again, ignoring him, "Ah, this one's good too. 'Dear Diary, The Doctor says I'm dying'...oh _quite_ interesting indeed."

"River's personal feelings are _not_ your toys. Give it back, now!" He growled.

Missy stared at him for a moment before ripping several pages out of River's Diary and throwing them on the floor. She then tore the rest of the book in half and threw it at his feet, "Fine, take it. I was bored with it anyway."

He got to his knees, collecting the diary up with the greatest care he could manage and placed the pages back in order. "You're bloody heartless."

Missy shrugged, "She can always write a new one."

"She can't." His voice broke, holding the battered and broken book to his chest.

"What do you mean she can't? Has she suddenly forgotten how to write?" Missy sneered.

"Something like that." He swallowed.

"Oh, Doctor..." River whispered, going to stand between him and Missy, touching his cheek, "If only you would open your eyes."

"It this a guessing game now?" Missy put her hands on her hips. "The children bit her hands off, now that's a clever one." At the Doctor's silence, Missy stomped her foot for attention. "Oi, talk with me will you? I'm _bored._ You can only stick grenades into so many places before it gets old. Go on, crack a smile. Give me a riddle. Tell me a story where everyone dies in the worst way possible."

He wasn't listening to her. He was searching again. River moved so she was standing beside him, reaching to hold his hand. He looked up, eyes clearly somewhere else. "Once upon a time the was a young boy from Gallifrey. He had a best friend, but one day they grew up and parted ways and didn't see each other for centuries at a time. They had encounters, not always on the best of terms, but one encounter left the boy dying in his best friend's arms. So the friend mourned then moved on. When the boy found a way to live and found his friend again, he was infuriated that the friend had moved on and tried to destroy his life, somehow not understanding that it only created a chasm between the two." It didn't take a genius to understand the story was about him and Missy.

Missy rolled her eyes, "I'm not trying to destroy your life. I'm trying to _improve_ it."

"Perspective, Missy. From the moment you came back, you've caused me misery. Hell, I might have been happy to see you, army of Cybermen or not, but then you went and harmed the woman I hold most important in the universe and haven't stopped. So, no. You are not improving it." He ground out.

"You're throwing your life away for a mutant!" She hissed.

"Well that's _my_ choice, isn't it?" He crossed his arms, stare piercing.

"I'm trying to help you see how bad your choices are! Procreating with that thing is an disgrace to the Timelords! You can rise to so much greatness and you don't have to tend to her simpering needs. You'll regret the choices you made, Doctor." She sneered.

"The Timelords are dead! They're nothing but a title, one that I betrayed when I decided to play god." He could feel a fresh lump in his throat, but fought against it. "I stole a box and ran because I didn't want to be like they were. I don't want greatness- I'd take your army if I did. I just don't want to be alone, and with you I feel worse than a stranger! You can't give me your power; you can't give me admiration when you don't even understand the compassion and love that I've taken so long to find! For someone up on such a high horse, you really know nothing about people."

Missy shook her head, fuming, "You'll regret the choices you've made Doctor! Just wait!" She flipped the vortex manipulator on her wrist and slammed on the button.

He cursed. "Full ship scan: life forms!" A screen appeared on the wall, showing the life forms of Freya, Amelia, Vastra, Jack and Arthur in the other room. It also showed the Doctor, and another life form beside him.

He looked to his sides, though frowned when he didn't see any of the cats or Toby. "Narrow search: this room. List species."

 _One Time Lord, One Human plus Time Lord_

His hearts tightened. "There must be some mistake..."


	5. Do Not Swear by the Moon

**Ch 5**

"Doctor..." River whispered, putting her hand on his shoulder.

His head turned a little, indicating he'd heard the sound. Her breath caught, her words stuck in her throat. He turned, reaching out to the space in front of him, which was still just air to him.

She closed her eyes as his hand passed through her cheek, silent tears rolling down her them. "You still can't see me, can you..." She whispered.

He shook his head, at a loss for words. She broke down into silent cries, turning her back to him. "How are you here?" He whispered.

"It's the TARDIS..." She whispered back.

"You're... saved?" He clarified, mind travelling back to Darillium and the Library.

"Yes, I- I think so."

He almost smiled. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming."

"I don't think you're dreaming, my love." She whispered.

"Amelia could see you. She could talk to you." He said, urging her to explain what the girl couldn't.

She shook her head, "That's because Amelia's mind was open to seeing me."

He wasn't sure how to respond to that. Did she think he didn't want her back? "It's harder for them to understand your death when they've only just found out... I've known for a while and you died in my arms."

"But you still can't see me. I'm talking to you now and your mind is still closed to the thought of me." She breathed.

He could hear the hurt in her voice. "It's hard to remake the connection when our mental link was broken the way it was. I don't even know where you are, where to focus on."

"Right..." Her voice was thick, and she began to move away from him.

"River, tell me where to focus." He pleaded softly.

"No, Doctor...I can't."

"W-why?" He begged.

"Because you not being able to see me means you've already started moving on and I don't want to hold you back from that." She breathed.

"It's been hardly a _day_. I want you back as much as the girls do." He insisted, voice breaking. "I don't want to move on." He'd been pushed to for months, though. River had been telling him to move on for so long, that it was all he could do keep it together for the girls.

"If that's really true, then you would be able to see me." She sniffed a bit.

"I'm trying. I'm really trying." He closed his eyes, focusing again. "But there's blockage." It didn't seem to be caused by their of them, probably MIssy.

"Then that's something you need to figure out." She whispered, not realizing that it wasn't from him.

"I don't know how." He choked. "Please, I need you."

"No, you need to do this yourself. It's something I can't help you with."

He swallowed. "Will you stay with me, then?"

"If you want." She breathed, her voice trembling slightly.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't." She was no longer looking at him. "...Unless you want to stay with the girls." He added quietly.

"I can stay with you for a bit." She whispered.

This time he did smile, though weak as it was. He moved to sit on the cot. "I don't know how to convince Freya to like Arthur."

"You just have to give her time." She murmured, "She needs to adapt to the change."

He nodded, imagining and hoping that she was there sitting next to him. River was on the other side of the room, sitting on the floor, not looking at him. She didn't say anything for a bit, sitting in silence.

"Are you still there?" He asked after a while.

"Yes, I'm still here." She murmured.

He let out a breath of relief. By this point, he'd added up that she thought he'd moved on already. The truth was far from it, but he didn't have much of a way to convince her otherwise that something (besides death) was blocking their connection. "You're connected to the TARDIS right now... can you see if Missy is still on board?" He didn't want to find her with the girls or messing with the wires. He wanted her gone.

"Yeah, sure..." She sighed, falling silent to run through the TARDIS before coming back to him, "I think she's gone. I can't see her."

"Good, thank you. I just... have a feeling that she's going to pop up when my guard is down." He explained.

"I understand." She nodded, though he couldn't see her, "I'll warn you if she comes back on the ship." Her voice sounded deflated and she was starting to feel like she was just his computer system.

"Thank you." He looked at the space next to him as if she was there. "...I love you."

"Doctor..." She sighed.

"...Yes?" He frowned slightly.

"Please, don't..." She shook her head.

"Don't... love you?" He asked, confused.

"Don't say it! Please! You need to keep moving on, and my being here isn't helping." Her voice shook, "I should go..."

"No, please don't go." He begged.

She didn't really have anywhere to go, the TARDIS wouldn't let her fade, but she could leave him. "I have to. I can't hold you all back like this."

"It's hardly been a day. Any sort of 'progress' you think we've made is going to be minuscule." He stood, eyes alert and panic filled. She didn't answer him, crying quietly into her hands. "Are you still there? River?" He stepped to the side, then forwards, not exactly sure where to be looking.

She didn't answer him, knowing that since he couldn't see her, he would think she'd have left.

"Please, no. Not again. Don't leave me again." He spent a good few minutes pacing around, scanning every nanometer of the room as if it might show her form, all the while muttering about needing her back. When his search produced no evidence of her, he plopped back onto the cot in defeat, not bothering to fight against the tears anymore.

River stayed in the corner of the room, sobbing silently.

The door reopened and Vastra came in, checking wearily if the coast was clear. The Doctor could hardly see his friend through his blurred and watered down vision.

"What happened?" Vastra asked softly, kneeling down next to him.

"Ah-Amelia was right." He managed.

She frowned, "What? What are you talking about?"

"River's co-consciousness." He breathed shakily. "Save to the-the TARDIS. My wife, my wife..."

Vastra's eyes grew wide, "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Sh-she's on the scan."

"Does this mean we can bring her back?" She asked, looking up at the monitors.

"I don't know if the TARDIS can make a viable body." He had managed to steady his words, though his breathing was still pieced together. "She wants us to move on."

"Are you going to at least try to bring her back?" Vastra pressed.

"Of course I am." He replied quietly, tears flowing silently now.

"How do we do it then?" She was eager to try and help her friends, hating to see them suffering so much.

"Uh," He scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to wipe his eyes. "A genetic sample to start. The old girl can build an organic body from that exactly like her old one."

"And what do we do with her old one?" She asked.

"It still needs to be burned." He whispered hoarsely. "We can't mend it or revive it."

"So then we'll do just that." She touched his arm, "Everything is going to be okay."

"But it's not." He wavered. "I have no idea how long it will take to generate a body for her, let alone it if will work and even then I have no idea how to put her consciousness back." He put his hands over his face. "She thinks I don't love her anymore because I can't see her but I'm trying as hard as I can. I think Missy's screwed with the TARDIS."

"Then why don't we go look and see what she did?"

He sniffed. "What about the girls?"

"Jack is with them. They're alright." Vastra encouraged. He nodded, rubbing his eyes again. "Doctor, this is a chance to get her back. Are you not happy?" She asked, confused as to why he wasn't more excited.

"It's the best news I've had in days." He tried to smile. "I'm just... she thinks I don't love her." He repeated.

Vastra thought for a minute, "Doctor, I'm sure she's hurting just as much as you right now. She's stuck in a world that's neither here nor there. She wants you to be happy, but she doesn't want to be left behind either."

"I don't want to leave her behind. I want her back." He looked up, eyes red but sincere.

"Then tell her that. Tell her _exactly_ how you feel."

"I can't. She's gone somewhere. I tried to tell her I loved her, and she left somewhere." He looked at the floor.

"Have you tried to locate her on the monitor?"

He shook his head, suddenly feeling like an idiot. He'd been so distraught that he hadn't even thought to check. That and he was giving River her privacy. "Will you check for me?" He hadn't yet the energy to move.

Vastra nodded, going over to the monitor and refreshing locater, "She's in the hall, right outside this room."

He brightened, just a bit that she hadn't gone far. He stood, and went to the hall through the door that had reappeared. "River?"

River looked up, but didn't answer, though soft sniffs could be heard coming from where she was sitting. He sat next to the sound, putting his hand down in hopes it was near hers. "I'm sorry about before."

She looked down at his hand, placing her hands on his, though it passed right through, "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I don't think I said the right thing." He murmured. She fell silent again. "Well actually, it's more of what I didn't say." He corrected. "I've been so... well I haven't been myself lately." There was no need for explanation behind that. "And I think it got in the way and clouded how I... reacted."

"You don't have to do this." She whispered.

"I don't. But I want to." He looked in her direction, features soft. "I want you to understand that knowing you're still here is the best news I've had in a long time. I want you to know that I'm going to do absolutely everything I can to build you a body and get you back. I want you to know that I know how hard and scary it must be being stuck the way you are."

"But I don't want to hold you back from living your life."

"River, you _are_ what gives me life. Having you gone has felt like, like drowning on dry land. You're not holding me back, you're pulling me forwards."

"I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around herself.

"Don't be." He encouraged. "Because I'm going to bring you back. I know that I can now, though it will be hard."

"And what if it doesn't work?"

"I'm not sure." He shrugged. "The TARDIS will probably let you go, then."

"Let me go? What do you mean let me go?" She sounded alarmed.

"She's storing your consciousness, but she's also keeping it well and actualizing it so we can speak." He explained. "It's like you're caught in her safety net, and she has the power to release you. But she won't unless everything we try to bring you back fails."

"So if you can't bring me back, then I won't be worth keeping around?! She'll just dump me like I'm nothing?" She stood, backing away from him.

"No, no! That's not at all what I meant!" He tried to amend quickly. "Would it not be cruel to keep you in limbo? I want you to stay as much as you want to be back, but the TARDIS doesn't necessarily have the ability to keep you for years on end."

She shook her head, crying quietly. She had thought that even though she wasn't truly alive anymore, she would at least get to see her children grow up, but it appeared that that would no longer be true.

"River... there's still hope..." He murmured, trying to sound assuring. "There's still options."

"I'm dead! There are no other options!"

"You're still here, so there are." He kept his tone grounded.

"Please stop." River was shaking now.

"...Why?" She didn't answer, willing the TARDIS to let her disappear. "River?" He asked again, praying she hadn't disappeared again. "River, please, are you there? I need you to know I could be able to bring you back and I'm going to hang on to that until you're in my arms with beating hearts."

She was sobbing silently, begging the TARDIS to let her go. The TARDIS didn't oblige, but she moved her to the room the girls were in. This only made her more upset. She didn't want the girls to see her now, not like this.

Freya and Amelia were asleep, Jack watching them like a guard dog. River relaxed a bit when she saw the girls were asleep. Jack couldn't see her as he wasn't connected with the TARDIS, but sensed some sort of presence and straightened his back, quite alert.

River was staring at the baby in his arms, circling around the room so she could stand in front of him. Arthur, who unlike his sisters, was awake, and immediately saw River when she came into few. He made a small, excited noise.

"Hello, my darling baby." River smiled, tracing a finger along his cheek. He made a high pitched, delighted sound, turning his head to her like he could feel her finger. She smiled, leaning in to kiss his forehead.

Jack stared down at Arthur, confused as to what was making the boy so happy.

"I love you, Arthur." River whispered, nuzzling his cheek.

"Muh! Uu-ooh." He babbled back, earning a raised eyebrow from Jack.

"Mmm, yes." River laughed, completely ignoring Jack, "I wish I could hold you, my sweet."

He pouted when she said that, wanting her contact. "Uh!" His sound was more upset.

"It's alright, my sweet. You can pretend to hold my finger if you'd like." She whispered, holding her pointer finger out to him.

He grabbed at the holographic digit, attempting to pull it to his face. Her finger followed his motion, her eyes sparkling. He nuzzled close to her hand, almost able to feel her leaned close to give him another kiss on the cheek.

"At least you're not crying anymore." Jack muttered.

"I love you so, so much." She murmured to Arthur.

"Nnn!" He gurgled, trying his mental connection to her. River couldn't understand what he was saying, as her connection no longer worked in the way that it used to. He started to whimper. "Nuh, nnh!"

"Oh, now you're upset?" Jack started to rock him.

"I'm sorry, my darling." River whispered, stroking his head. He squirmed and wiggled his whole arm free, reaching for her.

His sudden movement startled her, as it appeared he was falling, and she instinctively jumped to catch him. While her hands went right through him, Jack quickly repositioned Arthur to a more sturdy position. "Hey, no falling alright? Your mother would have my head. Twice."

Tears stung in River's eyes as she remembered that she would never get to hold her children again. The boy started crying, though it was most quiet that normal. "I'm sorry." River whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

Amelia started to stir at her brother's crying. River was about to say something to comfort Arthur, when she felt her body tingling. Amelia sat right up, looking at River. "Mummy?"

River couldn't answer, her mind drawing blank as the tingling feeling grew more into a burning sensation. The room disappeared around her, though it wasn't the TARDIS or even the Doctor pulling her away. She tried to concentrate, trying to figure out what was going on. The burning became more intense until it felt like being ripped apart. Everything around her was suddenly blindingly bright, and then she was gone.


	6. These Hearts of Mine like Fire

**Ch 6**

River watched in fear as the room around her seemingly transformed into a white one with nothing but walls, one of which had a screen on it. She was starting to panic, spinning around and trying to find a way out.

"Now, dear. That's not going to work. I'm very good at what I do, so your actions are useless," came a woman's voice.

River spun around, looking at the screen.

It had been switched on, Missy's face displayed with a triumphant look. "I'll give you a hint. You're not in the TARDIS."

"How did you do that? How did you even know how to get to me?" She glared at her.

Missy explained to her like it was a drag. "Oh please keep up, I've been stalking around your pathetic blue box for days. You think I didn't know what you were all up to every second? I'm a Timelady, a _real_ one. I'm more brilliant than you ten times over."

"What do you want with me? I'm dead. I'm useless to you." River growled, crossing her arms.

"The _Doctor_ seems to think you're the bee's knees." She sighed, obviously in disagreement. "But since you _are_ technically dead, it's my turn to keep you as a pet and his turn to suck it up and get his thumb out of his mouth. I've been doing some poking around your past to see what the fuss is about. That blue book of yours was dreadfully sentimental and not nearly as exciting as I'd hoped."

River rolled her eyes, turning her back to the screen.

"Don't pout, it's disgusting to look at." Missy made a face to match. "Have you figured out where you are yet or do I have to spell it out for your minuscule brain."

"Just tell me." She growled.

"Ugh, you really live up to the title 'halfbreed'." She inspected her nails. "Did your hubby tell you about his birthday present? You're in a nether cube."

"Do you not understand that there is nothing you can do to me now? I'm dead. Keeping me from my family won't do anything."

"Yes and no." She replied, resting her head on her fingers. "Yes, you're dead, no: there are plenty of things I can still do to you."

River rolled her eyes again, sitting on the floor with her back to Missy, not wanting to deal with her.

"You're no fun." She pouted. "I'm not trying to get at you, nimwit. I'm trying to get at him. He's probably running around his TARDIS trying to figure where the hell you went if he can get past the block I put in."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." River muttered.

"Oh?" Missy raised a penciled eyebrow.

"Are you going to do anything to my children?" She asked, changing the subject.

"If I was, I wouldn't tell you." She mused. "At least not yet anyways."

"Don't hurt them." She warned, "Hurting them will not help your situation with the Doctor, it'll only make it much, much worse."

Missy shrugged. "No, but it will rid the universe of the abominations. I quite like that plan actually, thanks for the tip." River shook her head falling silent again. "Well, while you mope about in a box in my pocket, I've got some mischief to make." The screen powered off.

As soon as it did, River buried her face in her hands and cried. She refused to give Missy the satisfaction of seeing her so upset, she had held it in until now. Just when she had thought she was going to be able to stay with her family, they were taken from her again. She wanted to badly to just disappear and die completely. She didn't want to be stuck in a half-world where she could be toyed with but couldn't protect or see her family. She really was destined for hell.

* * *

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor and Vastra had been working beneath the console for at least and hour. He was getting frustrated, only just managing to undo the block Missy had placed, but now he was having even more trouble locating his wife. "I don't understand his." He voiced to his friend.

Vastra shook her head, "I don't know, I don't understand it either."

"I should at least be able to locate her." He muttered. "It's not like she'd be able to leave."

"Perhaps she was never here in the first place." Vastra mumbled.

"She was." He insisted. "She was on the scan. I talked to her. Amelia talked to her. Arthur could see her, too." He added, realizing that had been the case.

Vastra sighed, "You should spend some time with your children and take a break from this."

He sighed in frustration, pulling at one of the wires. The TARDIS made an angry noise and he muttered a sloppy apology. "Alright." He scrubbed his hands over his face and pocketed his screwdriver. "You're right. I need a break."

"You should take them to your flat, I think they need to get away from the TARDIS for a little bit." She suggested.

"Do you think that's the best idea with Missy still around?" He peered up at her.

She sighed, "Perhaps not."

"I just need them safe and happy. And right now I can only partially assure one of those things." He looked at the floor before turning to go to his kids. "Thanks for helping me try to find River."

"Of course, if you think of anything else, let me know." She nodded, "I need to retrieve some things from your bedroom, if you don't mind. River... requested that I do this for her if she..." She trailed off.

He nodded. "I understand. I'll be with the girls."

Freya was still fast asleep, while Amelia was huddled under a blanket with the picture of River, crying. The Doctor moved to sit next to her, glancing at Jack. "Amelia, sweetheart?"

"What?" She whimpered, not moving from beneath the blanket.

"Has something happened?" He asked, wondering if there was a new reason for her crying.

"Mummy left." She started sobbing again, "She disappeared. I saw her and then she disappeared."

"Her data ghost?" He frowned. She nodded, clinging tightly to the picture in her arms. "...How exactly did she disappear? Did she just fade or... some other way?" Something didn't add up.

Amelia was too distraught to answer now, wailing into the blanket. He gathered her up into his arms, holding her as comfortingly as he could. "Hush now, lovie. It'll be alright, she'll come back."

"I want her to come back all the way. I don't want just her head to come back, I want her whole body to come back." She sobbed.

"I'm working on that." He murmured, rocking. The TARDIS by now had probably started to generate a body.

Arthur was starting to stir in Jack's arms, gurgling and drawing Amelia's attention. "How's he been?" The Doctor asked. The question was directed to both his daughter and Jack.

Jack shrugged, "Fine. A bit fussy, but all babies are like that I guess."

"Let me hold him." He said, quite glad at the moment that he spoke baby.

Jack gently placed the baby in his arms. Arthur stared up at his father with his big round eyes. "What happened to Mummy?" He questioned Arthur.

Arthur whined, saying that she had disappeared.

"I know, lovie, but how? In what way?"

He gurgled about there being lots of light, and then Mummy had gone. The Doctor frowned, the comment just about confirming his suspicions. "That's not how it should work."

Arthur began to cry, wanting River back.

"Sh, sh... It's okay." He held his son to his shoulder. "We'll get her back I promise you, we will." He reached over and got a bottle for him. "Jack I need your help with something..."

"What do you need?" He asked, sitting up.

"I think Missy took River." He murmured, not wanting Amelia to hear.

Jack frowned, "How? Why?"

"Because unlike me, she lives up to her title." He said a bit vaguely. "Manipulation is kind of her thing."

"What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to find Missy. If we find her, we find River. I doubt she'd go very far from what she's keeping her in."

Jack nodded slowly, "I'll do my best."

"Thank you. Really, it's more than I should ask from you." He smiled appreciatively.

Jack got up, leaving to the console room to use for his search. The Doctor moved back to Amelia's side knowing he had to comfort the girl. "We're going to get Mummy back. I'll bring back her mind and her body if I can."

"Really?" She sniffed, looking up at him.

He nodded, knowing she needed the hope, They both did. Hope was what got him and River through her last days. Hope was what had driven them forwards for such a long time, and it was what his daughter needed to pull through. "I've got a plan. And if it works, then yes."

"What if it doesn't work?" She asked quietly.

"Don't worry about that, now. I'll figure something out. Promise." He tried to sound assuring, though knew he shouldn't make promises.

Amelia curled up with her picture again, not saying anything else. He rubbed her back in a soothing motion, beginning to murmur an old lullaby. Amelia wiggled, holding the picture so she could look at it. He looked over the picture with her, lips still moving.

"When was this taken?" She interrupted.

He stopped singing, thinking for a moment. "I few months before you were born, I believe."

"What was she doing?"

"Reading to you and Freya." He replied, though it was only a guess. She might have been studying, or reading to herself.

"Did she do that a lot?"

"Yes." He nodded, this time more sincere.

"What else did she do?"

"Well, she'd tell you stories that weren't from books. Things from her past and things she made up." He reminisced.

"Can you tell me one of the stories she made up?" Amelia thought that hearing one of the stories would make her feel better.

He nodded, thinking for a moment. Most of the things she came up with were rather cheesy and childish, but gave her great delight to tell to her babies. He began one about a fairy queen. Amelia continued to stare at the picture as he told the story.

Freya woke near the end of the story, listening in quietly. Even Arthur was in a quiet trance. By the end of the story, Toby was curled up with Amelia, head resting against her arm so he could also look at River's picture.

"He misses her too." Freya murmured. Amelia nodded in agreement, patting the dog's head.

"We all miss her." He sighed. Toby leaned over to lick the glass of the frame.

"Don't do that." Amelia scolded, wiping away the saliva. "You'll smudge it."

Toby whimpered, then barked at her.

Amelia frowned. "She's not here right now." Toby whimpered again. "Stop it. It's not going to bring her back."

Freya mirrored her sister's expression. Toby began to back off, going to sit in the corner.

Amelia and Freya sat close for the first time in a while, seemly guarding River's picture together. Arthur whimpered, wanting to see River again. The Doctor re-positioned the baby in his arms so he could see the picture better. It was about all her could offer.

At that moment, the TARDIS materialized a screen on the wall and turned it on, showing a recent video of River. All eyes flicked up to the screen (expect Toby who was watching Arthur who had his eyes fixed on the picture of River). The video seemed to be a compilation of recent events, starting with the past Christmas when River had told the Doctor she was pregnant.

The Doctor frowned. "We didn't film that..."

The girls didn't seem to care, just happy to see their Mum again. They all watched as the Doctor on screen started to bubble with excitement and began talking to River's belly. River's face was more lively than it had been in the past couple months and was full of nothing but love. The screen switched to River and the Doctor cuddling up in bed a few weeks later. Amelia wondered onto the screen, crawling up into the bed with her parents.

Amelia held the picture tighter, one of her hands latching onto her father's jacket sleeve. "I remember that." She whispered, enviously watching herself get to cuddle with her mummy.

The next clip was when River and the Doctor were telling the girls they would be getting another little sibling. The video jumped to the night of the party they had when they had gotten the TARDIS back.

Amelia and the Doctor exchanged emotions as this was the night that he and River found out about that she was going to die. The screen showed the dancing, the moment of blind happiness that they thought could never be taken away. The married couple in the video danced like it was their wedding night.

The screen suddenly turned off, showing static for a bit, and then turning back on. There was a new video on, but the same night, showing the Doctor and River crying in the console room after they had dropped their friends off.

The Doctor frowned, not wanting the girls to see their sadness.

 _"I love you, so, so much... I don't want to lose you."_ His virtual self had his wife in his arms.

 _"I know."_ River clung to him, _"I know. I need you to know, I love you more than anything, but if something happens, you need to think of the girls, okay? They'll need you more than ever, and you need to be there for them 100%, do you understand me?"_

Both Doctor's nodded, the present one remembering her words and expression as clear as day. It was a promise he made to her constantly and now more than ever was time to uphold it as best he could.

Amelia hid her face against the Doctor once more, getting upset all over again. He wrapped his arm around her, wondering if there was another reason the TARDIS was showing them this, or is it was even the TARDIS's doing at all.

The screen flashed the word 'Make' before cutting to another scene. This time, the Doctor and River were fighting.

"Stop this." The Doctor muttered, not wanting his children to see nor to be reminded of how River had pushed him away for weeks. "Cut visual feed to this room."

The video cut out, then flashed back on. The word 'room' flashed across the screen, then showed Amelia unconscious after she had nearly drowned.

Amelia started crying and the Doctor's stomach knotted. This couldn't be the TARDIS's work. All the previous video feed had been from the TARDIS because she could see -'see' being a loose term for it- what had been going on. But this, Amelia's drowning, the TARDIS hadn't come until the end, and there was no way this feed was from her.

The word "for" appeared on the screen, and the video of River just hours before she died, when she had been vomiting blood.

The twins buried their faces half in terror of what they saw and half in raw distress, but the Doctor couldn't look away. "Make room for what?"

Just as he said that, "Auntie Missy!" flashed across the screen.


	7. Threshold

**Ch 7**

"Jack! Vastra!" The Doctor called, needing to warn his friends. There was no response from them, though Arthur started to wail in the Doctor's arms. He rocked him unconsciously, stomach doing flips. "Girls, we've got to move." He tried not to sound too urgent.

"Now why on Earth would you do that? Trying to get away from me, _again_?"

His blood ran cold, almost afraid to turn around and see who the voice belonged to. A hand came to rest on his shoulder, another wrapping around him to touch Arthur's head, "Oh, a baby...Do shut up." Missy snarled.

Arthur only cried louder at Missy's touch, the sound close to resembling screams. The Doctor flinched away from her, him and the girls jumping up from the cot. He stood defensively, the girls hiding behind him.

"What? My family isn't happy to see me?" She smiled, holding her arms out as if she was expecting a hug.

"You are not even close to family." He seethed.

"Well, maybe not now, but we could be." She moved closer, holding her arms out to take the baby.

He held his son tighter. "Could be is could have been. You passed up your chance at forgiveness a long time ago."

"And why is that? What did I ever do to _seriously_ hurt you or your family?"

"Are we talking the whole record or recently, because both have a long list." He took a step back.

"Recently." She murmured, a slow grin spreading across her face.

"You stopped me from getting River proper help." Anger was evident in his tone.

"The proper help for what?" She pretended to have no idea what he was talking about.

"You know what." He bit out. She'd been here for days, stole River, and somehow found or made the footage he'd just seen. He had no doubt she knew it all.

"Now, dear, you decided to hide from me all on your own. When I came here, I just wanted to talk. _You_ were the one that ran away. _You_ are the reason she's dead."

If he'd left the TARDIS then, they'd all be far too exposed to the mad woman in front of them. "You hid River from me when she needed medical attention. If you wanted to talk, you had days to do so without hurting her." He countered, hearts drumming heard enough that he could feel them against his bones.

"It's always something with you, isn't it." She huffed, crossing her arms.

He ignored her. "Where's River?"

"She's in the other room, dead. My goodness, have you forgotten already?" She laughed.

"That not what I mean. Her consciousness." He demanded.

" _Ohhh_ , you mean this?" She pulled a little white cube out of her pocket.

"Precisely." He nodded, concealing any other reaction.

"Would you like it?" She asked, inspecting the box.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you offering?"

"Hmmmm, no. I think I want to keep her for myself."

"What use is she to you?" He glared.

Missy shrugged, "Entertainment? I'll find some use for her I'm sure."

"Well that's a terrible birthday present, isn't it. You were wrong, by the way."

"Wrong about what, hmm?" She raised an eyebrow.

"My birthday. The army you tried to give me all those months ago as a present, it wasn't my birthday." He stated.

"So? Haven't you ever heard of an early birthday gift, Doctor?" She rolled her eyes, "I swear, sometimes you're as dimwitted as the half-breed."

"Who gives a birthday gift over half a year early?" He said, though it was besides the point.

"Does she have mummy?" Freya asked.

"I want Mummy!" Amelia wailed.

"Nobody appreciates evil step-mums these days." Missy exaggerated a sigh.

"Give her back!" Freya shouted, drawing sudden courage to run forward and push Missy as hard as she possibly could. Missy hardly budged, grabbing Freya's arm and lifting her like an old rag doll. "Ow, ow, ow! Put me down!" Freya kicked wildly.

"No. Little girls who misbehave deserve to be punished." She raised her other hand to strike the girl.

The Doctor moved as quickly as he could, running right for Missy ramming her with his shoulder before she could lay another finger on her daughter. Missy dropped Freya out of surprise. Freya fell onto the ground, the little cube landing right next to her. She immediately scooped it up, holding it protectively.

"Do. Not. Lay. A _finger_. On. My. Children." The Doctor practically growled, fists clenched.

"You mean _our_ children." She smiled, holding up her hand. River's wedding ring was now on her ring finger.

"How the hell did you get that?" Everything in him was tight with rage.

"If you don't want people to take your valuables, then you shouldn't leave them just laying around." She smirked, having stolen the ring off of River's body.

"It wasn't just lying around. Give it here. Now." He demanded.

"No! Finders keepers."

"That ring is no more yours than you are the mother of my children. Give it back." He said again.

"Make me." She snarled.

"Girls, run." His voice was low, and it was more of a warning that they shouldn't see what he was going to do. The girls ran out of the room, Amelia somehow managing to take Arthur with her.

"I'll ask one more time." He hissed, eyes narrowed. "Give me the ring."

"No!" Missy hissed, glaring at him.

He lunged forwards, simultaneously sweeping with his leg to knock her feet out from under her. She jumped, narrowly avoiding this move, though she had been expecting it since he had used it the last time. "Nice try."

He let out a frustrated grunt, jumping at her again. Missy cackled, jumping around the room like they were playing a game.

It took him a good few minutes before he managed to properly trip her. She landed on the ground with a thud, sticking her tongue out at him. He quickly moved to pin her, trying to assure she couldn't escape again. "Give me back the ring."

"No! It's mine now!"

"It will _never_ be yours." He forced her arms together so he could hold them with one hand and grab for River's ring with the other.

She growled, trying to bite his hand as he held her. His response was to strike her face, scratching her eye in the blow. He then wrenched the ring from her finger without a care if she got hurt. She howled in pain, shrinking back for a moment. He jumped off her as he had what he wanted.

She lunged for him once he was off of her, "You don't play nice, Doctor!"

"I don't steal wedding rings from dead people!" He managed, toppling under her weight but keeping a firm grip on the ring. She tried to pry the ring out of his fingers, forcing all of her weight on him. "Get off!" He cried, trying to wiggle out from beneath her.

"No!" She hissed, trying to force him down harder.

He gathered and exerted his strength, throwing her off his with a large motion and an 'Agh!' She fell onto her back, hissing in anger.

Just then, Jack came running into the room, moving to a defensive position by the Doctor's side. Missy stood, fuming as she looked at the pair.

"Where's Vastra?" The Doctor asked the other man, hoping he knew.

"She's with the girls now." Jack murmured, barely glancing at him.

"Good." He breathed, glad to know his children were safe. At least for now.

"Freya has River." He added.

The Doctor perked up and Missy checked her pocket, becoming even more outraged. "That little brat. I'll scratch her eyes out!"

"You won't step a bloody inch near her." The Doctor hissed.

Jack reached for his gun.

"Oh, looks like things are getting a little steamy in here. Guess I should-" She vanished with a flash before her sentence ended.

Jack and the Doctor stared. "Where'd she go? Damn it, she could be anywhere."

"Do a scan of the TARDIS." Jack suggested.

"Scan for life forms. Full ship surveillance." He ordered.

The screen flickered to life to show the results of the scan. _One Canine Life Form. Three Feline Life Forms. One Human Life Form. One Silurian Life Form. Four Human Plus Time Lord Life Forms. One Time Lord Life Form._

The Doctor let out a breath knowing Missy hadn't found the girls. He still found it a bit surprising that River qualified as a life form. If he gave it some though, it wasn't entirely strange; Lots of life forms didn't have pulse, including the very ship who was performing the scan.

"She's not here." Jack breathed, as he read the scan over the Doctor's shoulder.

He nodded. "Come on. I need to be with my kids." Jack nodded, following after him.


	8. If Softly I Called

**Ch 8**

They made their way cautiously through the halls, passing familiar rooms until they found the girls. The girls were huddled in a corner, Vastra holding the baby and shielding all the children protectively.

"Vastra...?" The Doctor murmured, stepping into the room.

She stood quickly, looking startled, "Is everything alright?"

"Well," He looked down at the ring he held in his palm. "It could have gone worse."

Arthur had not stopped wailing since Missy had come, crying about how much he wanted his Mummy and Daddy. The Doctor carefully took Arthur back into his arms, rocking him. "Sh, sh. It's okay I'm here now."

He settled down once the Doctor was holding him, though he still mewled for River. The Doctor sighed quietly, turning to the girls. "You two alright?"

Amelia nodded, though Freya didn't answer, huddled into a ball, protecting the small cube she held in her hands with all she had.

"Freya, lovie... do you know what's in that box?" He asked slowly.

"I think so." She whispered.

"Tell me then." He kept a calm tone.

"Mummy's in here. The mean lady said Mummy was in here."

The Doctor nodded. "That's right. Mummy's mind has been put in there." He replied softly. The cube could actually hold her indefinitely, unlike the TARDIS.

"Can you get it out?" She whispered.

He shook his head. "Not really, at least not until there's a body to put her in."

"But she has a body already. Why can't you use that one?"

"It's too broken, love." He whispered. "I'm sorry."

"I can fix it!" She pressed, "I have the light, I can fix it!"

"No." He responded quickly. This had been another promise to his wife: to not let the girls use their regeneration energy. "It won't work on her." He lied. "She's already been gone too long."

"Then find another way to fix her!"

"I am." He continued in a soothing manner. I'm trying my best to find another way to fix her, but it will take time."

"But she needs to come back _now_. I can't wait!"

"Come here." He murmured. She crawled closer to him, a bit hesitant. He reached out his hand to her. "You are such a strong girl. You are so brave for going through this, and we will get Mummy back. I swear, but you have to be a little stronger and be patient, alright?"

"For how long?" She asked, holding the cube tighter.

"I don't know, dear." He apologized. "As soon as I possibly can."

"I miss her." She whimpered.

"I miss her too." He agreed, pulling her into a one armed hug. She hugged him back, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "Do you want to see if we can find away to talk to her?" He asked.

Missy had said she intended to toy with River, which indicated that she had some way to communicate with his wife. She nodded, reluctant to let go of the cube.

"Amelia?" He looked to the other girl, thinking she'd want to join, too. Amelia crawled over, taking his hand. He offered a smile to them both. "The console room with have what we need."

They nodded, following him quietly. Vastra and Jack followed as well, both on high alert.

Arthur was growing fussy again, wanting to hear a story. "Settle down, lovie." THe Doctor uttered, trying to think of one he'd want to hear. "Girls, what was your favorite story that Mummy used to tell you?"

"The one about the princess and the dragon." Freya responded first.

He nodded, beginning to retell the tale to Arthur. Arthur started to settle down, eyes fixating on his bowtie. The Doctor smiled weakly.

They arrived in the console room and he shifted the baby to one arm. "Freya, dearie. I'm going to need the cube now."

"Why?" She held the cube tighter, reluctant to give it to him.

"I've got to toggle a few things so we'll be able to talk to Mummy." He said softly.

"Don't break it." She whispered, hesitating before holding it out to him.

"I won't." He took it with as much care as possible and set it gently in a slot on the console. Handing Arthur to Vastra so he could work quicker, he set about connecting wires to the box and switching settings on the console. He pulled the screen around front, everyone's eyes on him as he worked quietly.

It was good few minutes before the screen turned to static then started to form an image. River began to appear on the screen. She looked to be trying to fiddle with something.

"Mummy!" The girls ran closer to the console.

Her head snapped up and she stared out at them. "Amelia! Freya!"

"Why are you in a box now?" Amelia questioned immediately. "Just come out and come back!"

"I can't, my love. I'm sorry, it's not that easy."

Her lip wobbled. "But you got out into the box…"

"Well that's because someone else moved me, I can't do it on my own." River explained.

"...And Daddy doesn't have a place to move you back." She echoed her father's words, the situation starting to make more sense.

She nodded, "I'm sorry, sweetie."

"What's in there?" Freya asked, half thinking that if the cube opened there'd be a miniature River inside.

"What do you mean?"

"You're in a box and we hafta take care of it or else you'll get hurt." It wasn't exactly the most clear answer, but it was the best the distraught girl could give.

"Only my mind is in the box, sweetheart." She explained, not going into the details as it was too complicated, "The rest is just wiring."

"But I can see all of you, not just your head." She frowned.

"Well, that's where all the wiring comes in. It creates a sort of virtual world for my mind to spend time paired with a virtual recreation of my body. That means you can see me, and it looks like I'm in an ordinary room, but if you opened up the box it would only be wires.'

"...Oh." She looked down, disappointed.

"I'm sorry." River breathed, her heart breaking for her daughter.

The adults all stepped into River's view, wanting to talk to her as well. River brightened a bit when she saw her friends. All three smiled, it being the first time any of them had been able to see her. Arthur only whined.

"Oh, Arthur, my love. It's alright." River called, "Mummy's here!"

Vastra adjusted the boy in her arms so he could look right at his mother. He cheered up at the sight. "Nuh!"

"Hello my baby." River smiled, touching the screen. Arthur flailed out his hand for her and Vastra brought him right up so he could touch the screen as well. "I hope you're being a good boy." River murmured, smiling at him.

Arthur gurgled, and Freya shook her head, not thinking he was any sense of the word.

"What's wrong, Freya?" River frowned, noticing the girl's expression.

"He's _not_ been good at all." She huffed, crossing her arms.

"What do you mean?" River looked at the rest of the people in the room to confirm Freya's claim. None of them were in full agreement.

"He's loud and annoying and he took you away!"

"Oh, no, sweetheart. He didn't take me away." She shook her head.

"Yes he did!" She stomped her foot. "It's all his fault you're gone. If he wasn't here, you'd still be."

"But you can't blame him. It's not really his fault, Freya. He didn't have a choice. I was the one that made the choice, so if it's anyone's fault, then it's mine."

" _You_ never wanted to die! You never chose to. He wanted to take you away!"

"No, sweetie, he didn't. He didn't know that he was going to take me away. Only Daddy and I knew. If I had wanted, then I could have chosen not to have Arthur, but I wanted to have him."

"Why would you do that?" She whimpered.

"Because I wanted you to have a little brother, and I wanted your Daddy to have a son. When I found out what was going to happen, I loved him too much to not have him."

"You left us all alone!" She finally gave in to crying, plopping down to sit where she stood.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know, I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to." River wanted to reach out and hug her daughter, but she couldn't.

The Doctor scooped up Freya and held her, knowing it was what River would do if she'd been able to.

Tears stung in River's eyes, though she tried to hide it, "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, Riv. She'll come around. She just needs time, like you said." He murmured.

"This is all my fault." She whispered, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't...I couldn't lose another baby."

"Neither could I, River." He admitted. "If I was in your position, I would have done the same." She sunk to the floor, head in her hands. She felt horrible now.

Amelia tugged on Vastra's skirts. "Why's Mummy so sad now?"

"She feels like she let you down." Vastra whispered, "She wanted to have your brother, but she also didn't want to die. She made the choice that she felt was the best, but she feels like you're disappointed in her."

Amelia thought about this. "I'm glad to have a little brother, but I want Mummy, too."

"I know." Vastra murmured, bending down to hug her.

"But I know it's not her fault or Arthur's fault." She added.

"But your sister thinks that, and that's what's hurting her."

"I tried to tell her that she's wrong. But she won't listen."

"I know, I'm glad you tried to help."

"I don't think she really thinks that. She's just really sad. We all are." Amelia pointed out.

"Yes, that exactly what I think. And the only way to really mend sadness is to give it time to run it's course."

"But I don't want Mummy or Freya to be sad that long." She frowned.

"Well, we could try to cheer them up." Vastra offered, giving her a small smile.

"Lift me up to Mummy?" She asked.

She nodded, scooping the girl up so she could see her mother. Jack took over holding Arthur.

"Mummy! Mummy, I know you're sad. It's okay to be sad and cry, but I wanna talk to you." Amelia looked over her Mum's crumpled form.

River quickly composed herself and looked up at her daughter, giving her the best smile she could manage, "What is it my darling?"

"I'm not disappointed. I mean, I'm really sad because you went away, but I really like my baby brother and so does Auntie and Daddy and Freya but she won't say so." Amelia wanted her mummy to know how brave she could be.

River's smile became more genuine, "That makes me very happy, Amelia."

Amelia smiled, a proper smile. "Freya doesn't really blame my brother. She's just sad. But you're going to come back because Daddy rescued your ring and can fix you and it'll be okay again."

"My ring? What happened to my ring?" She asked, smile fading slightly.

"The evil lady who keeps trying to be my evil step mum took it, but Daddy protected us and fought her and got it back and then she went away somewhere." She explained, realizing River hadn't known all this. "I don't like her at all. She keeps trying to mess with us and she didn't let Daddy see you and I think she's the one who put you in there."

River nodded, wishing that she was there to protect her children from Missy, "Don't worry, my love, Daddy and Auntie Vastra and Uncle Jack will protect you."

"They have been." She confirmed. "It's going to be better, Mummy. I love you a whole lot and I'm gonna give you the biggest hug ever when you come back."

"I look forward to that hug." She smiled, "Can I talk to Daddy now?"

Amelia nodded, blowing her a kiss before Vastra set her down. The Doctor stepped forwards, setting Freya down on the jump seat.

"Hi..." River breathed, touching the screen again.

He let his hand up to the screen against hers, imagining the warmth of her hand though he couldn't feel it. "Hello, love."

"Can you see me this time?" She asked softly.

"Yes." He smiled softly. "And what a wonderful sight you are for tired eyes."

"I miss you." She breathed, wishing she could move closer and embrace him.

"I miss you, too." He replied, both their expressions saying more than they ever could.

"When do you think I'll be able to get out of here?"

"I'm not sure." He sighed, wanting her out as much as she did. "The TARDIS has already started a reconstruction of your body. If could be days, a week. Probably longer. She's focused a lot on tracking Missy and keeping her out so she can't put all her energy on you at the moment."

"I want to come back to you as soon as possible." She breathed, wanting to say that even a few days was too long, but she held back.

He nodded in agreement, having the same thought. He turned the ring around in his hand, eventually holding it up for her to see.

She smiled weakly, "I wish I could wear it now."

"Me, too." He hummed. "I'm not sure where I should put it. I want to keep it safe for you."

"You'll find a place, I'm sure." She breathed, her heart aching the more she talked to him. "Is there anyway to speed up the development process?"

"Not that I've found so far." He murmured. "I'm sorry you might not be there for your birthday. I got you a present."

"Did you?" She tried to ignore the first part, not wanting to hurt any more than she already was.

He nodded, "It's in our bedroom, in the closet. The box with the blue and gold wrapping."

"How old am I turning, again?" She tried to laugh.

"I'll leave you to figure that one out yourself."

"1605!" Amelia claimed.

River laughed, "That's closer to Daddy's age, sweetie. He's a lot older than I am"

"1505?" She guessed again.

"Less than that, my sweet."

"Two hundred and eleven." This time it was Freya who spoke up, sounding quite sure that she was right.

"That's only a few years off. Though, in a more general answer: too many candles to fit on a birthday cake." The Doctor smiled.

River nodded, "I love you all so much."

"I love you, too." They all said it, but the Doctor's eyes were locked on hers, his voice separate from the girls'.

Jack cleared his throat, "Doctor...I have an idea."

All heads turned curiously towards him. "About River's age?"

"No, about getting River back faster. You said that the TARDIS is dividing its power, which is why it's taking so long to generate a new form, but we could hook up the Hub and with power like that, we could have her back in a day."

The Doctor's immediate expression was of joy and excitement, though it quickly turned to worry. "With power like that, we'd be a beacon to Missy."

Jack shook his head, "She already knows where we are, so what does that matter?"

"It matters that once we start a process like that, we can't stop it in the middle or else the whole thing will backfire and we'll have to start again from scratch. If Missy comes, we won't be able to just hop in the TARDIS and fly away and she won't necessarily be able to protect us."

"Fine, then we set up external power deferrers, wave blockers, we do this completely incognito. We'll set up other power spikes around the world to distract her. Doctor, we can do this."

He looked at River. "Do you think it's worth the risk?" He thought it should ultimately be her choice, as it was her body being affected.

"I don't know… If Jack can mask our energy signature..."

He looked at Vastra and the girls, wondering their input too.

"I want Mummy back as fast as possible. I want to do what Uncle Jack said." Freya piped up.

"I want us to be safe." Was all Amelia had to say about it.

"Doctor, don't you want your wife back?" Jack pressed.

"Of course I do." He said, almost offended that he'd even question the fact. "I also don't want to risk having that chance." He added, then sighed. "But I think..." He paused for another moment of thought. "It's worth a try."

"I'll start setting it up then!" Jack was already running out of the room and into the Hub, pulling out wires and starting up monitors.

"Vastra, I know it's a lot to ask, but could you find Ianto and take the kids out for the day? If Missy-... I don't want them to see that. I don't want them in harm's way." The Doctor asked.

"Of course." She murmured, beckoning for the girls to follow her out of the room, to find a stroller for Arthur, leaving the Doctor and River alone.

He took her in. "I ought to go help Jack." He murmured, though didn't move. "I can leave the interface open for you if you want."

River nodded, "When you finish setting everything up, will you come sit with me?"

"Of course." He nodded. He'd need to brief her on some things anyways.

"Hurry back then." She breathed, "I'll be here."

"Love you." He murmured, going off to help Jack.

"Love you too." She called.


	9. Faith

**Ch 9**

It took about two hours to set up everything that needed to be done and another hour before the Hub was feeding the power to generate River's new body. Jack stayed in the Hub, making sure everything kept running smoothly.

The Doctor plopped back down in the console room, looking rather tired.

"You look exhausted." River murmured when she saw him.

"Yeah." He sighed. "A bit."

"You should rest. You don't have to stay with me." She murmured.

"I don't, but there's nowhere I'd rather be." He lifted his head to look at her.

She smiled weakly, "I'll be fully with you soon. It's just a matter of hours now."

"Hopefully." He returned the smile.

"How's the baby been?" She asked softly.

"Restless. He want's you back, too."

She nodded slowly, "And how are you? Aside from tired."

"Well... hopeful. More than I've been in a while… Remember how you felt when you got out of the Library?" He asked. She nodded. "This... is going to feel a lot worse."

She nodded again, "I was expecting it would be like that."

"I just want you to know what to expect. You might be immobile for a little while." He said slowly.

"But I'll be back, and that's all that really matters."

"I want you to be back to a life and body you want to be in." He told her.

"What do you mean? Do you think I don't want to come back because I'm going to be immobile for a few days?" She asked.

"No, no. That's not what I meant." He thought of how to put it. "It's just, you were so sick at the end of your pregnancy... I just thought it might be ... a little frustrating for you, not being 100% immediately. I have no doubts about you wanting to come back." He added.

She sighed, "I don't mind not being 100% right away, I'm just happy I'm coming back."

"Just a matter of hours." He echoed her words.

"Is there anything else you have to tell me?"

"I just wanted to make sure you knew what was coming." He shook his head. "And if you have any advice for putting a consciousness into a body, that would be welcomed."

"Be gentle." She murmured, "I don't have much other advice."

He twiddled his thumbs nervously. "I don't want to mess up something this important."

"You won't." She gave him an encouraging smile, "I believe in you."

He smiled up at her. "Unconditionally?"

"Yes, unconditionally."

He sat up a bit straighter, feeling a bit more brave. "Luck and faith hasn't failed yet."

"I love you." She gave him a weak smile, "Now please, you should get some rest."

"Moving is too much effort." He teased, leaning his head back on the seat instead.

"I wish I could be with you." She whispered, her hand resting on the screen.

"You're closer by the minute." He looked up again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, anything." She nodded.

"When you, uh, died," He started. "Did you... go right to the TARDIS? Was there... something else?"

"Honestly, I don't remember, everything was a bit fuzzy. I think… I think I was uploaded straight to the TARDIS."

He nodded. "So can you remember?"

"I can't remember, Doctor, I'm sorry." She whispered, "Everything was so blurry."

"It's alright." He said calmly.

"I wish I could remember, my love." She whispered.

"No really, it's okay. Besides, it probably wasn't the most pleasant thing."

"No, it wasn't." She muttered, sitting down finally.

"And coming back I doubt will be painless." He added, watching her movements.

She didn't say anything, putting her head in her hands.

"River?" He leaned forwards. "What's wrong?" He wondered if he'd hit a nerve.

"Nothing." She mumbled into her hands, "You should rest."

"I won't, knowing you're upset. Tell me." He encouraged.

"I don't really want to talk right now. I just want to think." She confessed.

"Shall I go, then?" He asked.

"You can stay if you really want to."

"I want you to be comfortable." He said, thinking it was her decision.

"Doctor, please..."

"Okay, I'll go." He gave in. "I'll check in on you in an hour or so." He made to head into the TARDIS, not to rest though, to check on River's body. He couldn't rest now even if he tried.

River's body was developing in a fluid chamber and much faster now, all the necessary pieces coming together to recreate her. He arrived and stared over her body, the sight making him a bit uneasy. She floated peacefully in a large tank like some sort of fetus. He could see endless amounts of tubes and wires connected to the tank, guessing that about half of them were for power. The body did quite resemble her, but it wasn't her just yet. It was empty and all too... new. The TARDIS would recreate her as exact as possible, he knew, but there was still so much missing. Scars, marks, certain variations in her skin that he'd mapped countless times.

The Doctor waited.

River's body continued to develop over the hours, resembling more and more her old self, however, as predicted, there were certain things that the TARDIS was unable reproduce, like the scar her inner left thigh, or the mark on her right side. The Doctor frowned as he waited and waited for the marks to appear. He was unaware how much time had passed, eventually getting up in search for River's old body.

River's old body was back in the room that she had died in, though no longer in the state they had left it. Missy had wreaked some havoc on River's former body. There were now gashes all over her flesh, and the word 'disgrace' had been carved into her arm as well as a number of other degrading terms.

The Doctor's hand flew to cover his mouth, shock being and understatement to what felt like a blow to the gut. He was going to sodding kill Missy when he saw her. He slowly approached the corpse, tears pricking at his eyes. "I'm so, so sorry."

Soft sobs echoed through the walls, the TARDIS trying to show that River had found out about this, and this was partially why she had seemed so upset a few hours ago.

"Can you bring her to me?" He asked softly of his ship. In the meantime, he took a scanner and cataloged marks on River's body. Not the new ones made my Missy, but old scars and things the TARDIS had missed in the reconstruction.

Rivers consciousness began to appear sitting on the floor, not yet noticing that she was being summoned. He turned to her, moving silently to sit in front of her. She finally noticed him, jumping to cover her tears, "Doctor! What are you..." She saw past him at that moment, her words trailing off.

"It's okay, my love. It's alright." He murmured, hand outstretched to her.

She was reluctant to take his hand, not wanting to feel herself pass right through him.

"It's alright, River. I'm here. Just look at me." Each words was warm and full of comfort. "You're here."

"But I'm also there. That's still a part of me."

He nodded in agreement. "Take my hand." He urged again.

She hesitated, but did as he asked, preparing herself for the heartbreak of not being able to touch him. Instead, his hand wrapped around hers. He brought his other hand to cup her cheek, thumb brushing over her soft skin. "There, now. See?" "

How are you doing that?" She asked in disbelief, staring at his hand, "I'm not really here."

"You're always here to me." He gave her a proper smile, eyes full of affection.

"But I don't understand. This should be impossible." She whispered, squeezing his hand to make sure she was really touching it.

"You coming back to life should have been impossible." He squeezed back. "You falling in love with an idiot like me should have been, too."

She managed a soft smile, until her attention was drawn back to her former body. He watched here eyes, knowing where she was looking. "Shall I put some plasters on you?"

She shook her head, "Bandages won't fix it. They'll never heal, it will always be like that now." Her voice gave away her hurt.

"River... you do know that we still have to have a cremation?"

"I know, but still...We'll be putting to rest a body, my body, that's been _mutilated_."

He rubbed her arm in comfort. "I'm so sorry, love." He couldn't think of a way to fix it.

She was trying her best to hide how much she was hurting, but she couldn't. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him. She pushed him away, not wanting his attempts at comfort.

"River..." He looked at her.

"What?" She whispered.

"...Maybe we should go somewhere else." He suggested.

She shook her head, "Leaving won't make a difference. The damage is already done."

"Yes, but it's obviously making you uncomfortable to be around." He pointed out.

Before, she'd wanted to have contact with him. Now she was pushing him away. She swallowed, "I'm upset, and rightfully so."

"I know. I'm not saying you don't have the right." He quieted himself, thinking he was probably pushing pointlessly.

"I want to go." She whispered.

"Where?" He asked.

"Away from...that." She nodded towards her body.

He nodded, taking her hand. "Here, come on."

She stood up, turning her head away so she wouldn't have to look at the scene anymore. He lead her from the room, going to their bedroom. He hadn't been in since she'd died.

She relaxed as they left the room, though she kept a tight hold on his hand. He sat on the edge of the bed, not letting go of her. "Why didn't you tell me about the videos?"

"I wanted them to be a surprise." She whispered.

"I think they really helped the girls." He told her.

She smiled weakly, "I'm glad. I was hoping that they would."

"I'd forgotten we filmed the wedding. I can't even remember the camera man there."

"I think we just set the camera up ourselves." She rest her head against his shoulder.

"Oh yeah." He chuckled, leaning closer to her.

"You know, I really want to kiss you right now." She breathed, watching his face.

He met her eyes. "I would have absolutely no protest to that." He'd wanted to kiss her since he realized she wasn't really gone.

She started to lean in, eyes flickering to his lips. Their mouths met, his moving softly and lovingly against hers. She melted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck. His hands moved to her waist, pulling her close. The kiss broke after several moments, River pulling back with a large grin.

"Now there, see?" He was cupping her cheeks. "That's not so unwelcomed, now is it."

"I love you." She whispered, "We haven't kissed like that in a while."

"We can kiss like that all we want." He smirked.

"In a few hours we'll be able to do a little more than kiss." She purred, leaning in to kiss him again.

"Who says we have to wait?" He murmured against her lips.

"Are you sure you want to do it now?" She pulled back just a bit, "You do remember that I'm..." She trailed off, not thinking she needed to finish.

"Yes, I'm aware. I'm also aware that you've got two other bodies in the TARDIS so that makes three of you." He pointed out. "But this you can feel this me, and this me can feel this you." He kissed her cheek.

She smiled softly, "If you want to do this, so do I." She murmured.

"One kiss at a time then?"

"One kiss at a time." She echoed, nodding.

He grinned, meeting her lips. She made this kiss more passionate, letting her guard down. He returned the passion, giving as much as he got and letting his hands in her hair. Her hands wrapped around the lapels of his jacket, pulling him closer. He leaned her down softly to the mattress. She kissed him hungrily, teeth running along his bottom lip.

He hummed. "God, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." She breathed, pulling him down more.

His hands raked over her body, mouths crashing together. She let out a small gasp when he touched her, eyes fluttering closed. He started the hike up her ghostly dress, hands smoothing over her thighs. She shifted to make the task easier, already working on his shirt.

He pulled the dress over her head, taking a moment to let his eyes wander over her. "Enjoying the view?" She teased.

"Categorically." He breathed, unable to resist the temptation. He kissed a column down her neck to her collar bone, tasting her skin.

She let out a small whimper, her hearts pounding. He shrugged his shirt to the floor, hands and mouth working her skin.

She was growing more and more impatient. "Doctor, I need you..." He made a sultry hum, obliging and trailing his hand frustratingly slow down between her thighs. "Doctor." She whined, rolling her hips down towards him.

He chuckled and pressed the heel of his hand against her clit, creating the desired friction. She gasped, hands tightening in his hair.

"More?" He asked her, though it was more of a tease.

"Y-yes. More." She moaned.

The sound sent chills through him and he slipped two fingers inside her, wanting to hear more. Her moan was much louder this time and she ground her hips towards him. She arched her back, gasping with each movement, "Doctor."

His mouth was trailing hotly down her body. He brought it lower to her sensitive nub, using his free hand to work his trousers and pants off.

"Doctor..." She cried out, one hand wrapping around his wrist.

He lapped up her juices with ravenous vigor, the taste of her bursting across his tongue. Her cries were going louder and louder, her grip on him tightening. He managed to rid his bottom half of clothes, slowly stopping his movements and moving up the bed.

As soon as he was close enough, she dragged his lips to hers, rolling her body towards him. He grunted at the contact, murmuring a bit incoherently; something along the lines of 'want you, need you'.

He turned them on their sides, pulling her leg over his hips in a bit of a sideways straddle before entering her. She moaned, pressing her body against his. He rocked his hips against hers, hands wrapping around her and cupping her arse. She buried her face in his neck, kissing and sucking up and down the column. He groaned her name, arching to her.

"I love you." She murmured against his skin, rolling her body towards him. They were completely pressed against each other, aside their hips which kept up the back and forth.

"I love you, too." He uttered back in Gallafreyan.

She smiled, growing more and more distracted by the feeling of bliss. His grip was bruising, hips pushing into hers roughly. She was growing closer to her release, encouraging him on.

He groaned her name again, heat growing low in his gut. All his senses her clouded by her. The touch or her, the smell of her, the sound of her all very welcomed. She pressed her forehead to his, her eyes fluttering shut as pure bliss took over.

He quickened his pace, driving them both higher than they'd been in a long time and sending them tumbling over the edge with nothing but each other holding them to reality.

She tumbled over the edge with cry of his name, her lips reattaching to his. His release was laced with shouts of jumbled words of praise and affection towards his wife until he stilled, speechless and panting.

She giggled, breathlessly once they were both finished, curling against him, "Those were some very interesting compliments."

He blinked at her, grinning like an idiot. "I said those out loud?"

"Yes, you most certainly did." She laughed, pressing a kiss to his nose.

"Okay, I might have exaggerated some, but they were still true." He scrunched up his nose, then returned the kiss.

"I've certainly missed doing that." She murmured, tucking her head beneath his chin.

"I think that was the first time since our coming home party." Which was to say months ago.

She nodded, hands trailing along his bare chest, "You'd better not have gotten me pregnant again. I don't know how to take care of a half data-ghost baby." She teased.

He laughed, a hand mimicking her movements along her back. "I think three children is plenty."

"If you stick with three you won't get a Terra." She murmured, having grown very fond of the name over the past several months.

"We could always get Toby a friend." He teased.

"I don't think your mother would appreciate having a dog named after her instead of one of our children." She smiled.

"Well then I should inform you that data ghosts can't get pregnant," He knew she already knew that, though. "But if four kids is something you want to talk about, I'm all ears."

She thought for a moment, "I think we should get acclimated to having three children before we seriously talk about a fourth one." She murmured, touching his cheek, "But for the record, as of right now, I'm not opposed to the idea."

He smiled, then reached for the scanner on the bedside table. He pressed a few things, then set it back and replaced himself where he'd been cuddled with River.

"What did you just do?" She asked, curling up tightly against him.

"Made adjustments to your new body." He murmured.

"What adjustments?" She frowned slightly.

He kissed the crease between her eyebrows. "Adjustments so if we really want to, we can have more kids without having a repeat of the past months. The TARDIS is getting rid of the scar tissue and revitalizing your systems."

"Oh." The smile returned to her face, "Thank you."

He brushed his nose against hers. "My pleasure."

"Well, if we do end up deciding to have a fourth, it's an excuse for us to do this lots and lots of times." She smiled, nuzzling his nose.

He pulled the blanket over them. "Who says we need an excuse."

"Well, we don't, of course." She pressed a kiss to his cheek, "But it's an excuse to do it more than usual."

"As much as you want." He promised. Footsteps started from down the hall and the Doctor sighed, thinking Jack was going to ruin his cuddling time.

"Do you want to put clothes on? Or do you just want to lock the door." She breathed, nipping lightly at his ear.

He pulled the covers over both their heads and let out a giggle. "Option three: hide under here."

She laughed, snuggling close to him and giving him a soft kiss, "I like this option."

There came a knock before Jack came in. "Heya Doc, Vastra called and she- Oh. Well hellooo, Doctor." They could hear the smirk in his voice.

River laughed, giving the Doctor another kiss to muffle the sound. "Go away, Jack." The Doctor tried to sound annoyed, but the sight of his giggling wife was making him smile too much.

"Havin' a bit of fun with yourself there, Doc?" Jack teased.

He poked his head above the cover's and did his best to glare at the man. "Who says I'm alone?"

River laughed again, peering out from beneath the covers and resting her head against her husband.

"I take it I'm not allowed in on this?" Jack crossed his arms, eyeing the pair.

"I'm afraid not." She smirked, "Perhaps another time."

"It's no fun to catch you two like this if I end up without any end of the stick. Or other parts." He half wished for a little bit of x-ray vision. "Anyways, Vastra called because the girls wanted to go to a candy shop and she didn't know if you guys would allow that."

"Yes, that's quite alright, as long as they don't have too much. A couple of pieces at most, they'll have to eat dinner in a little while and I don't want them filling up on sweets."

He nodded. "I'll call her back. TARDIS says your body is just about done, so finish up all," He made a vague hand gesture. "This."

She grinned, "We'll be back in the console room in a bit. Thank you, Jack."

The man saluted and left them. The Doctor pouted at nothing in particular. "I suppose we have to put on clothes then."

"Well, maybe just a few more minutes of cuddling." She murmured.

"Good." He hummed, hiding under the blanket once more. She curled back under with him, giggling quietly. He pressed a kiss to her curls. "The girls will want to hog you all to themselves when you've got a physical form."

She nodded in agreement, "I want to hold Arthur again as soon as possible."

"I can arrange that." He grinned. "As long as you can promise you'll be back for good this time."

"I promise I'll never leave you again." She breathed, pressing a kiss to his lips. Even though she didn't necessarily have control over that, he melted into the kiss, joy washing over him at finally having his wife back. "And do you promise me?" She murmured, looking up at him through long eyelashes.

"I do. To the best of my ability." He vowed.

"Good, I'm glad."

They stayed there in each other's arms for what turned out to be another quarter of an hour before finally getting enough motivation to put their clothes back on.

She slipped back into her dress, going over to help him tie his bowtie. He moved to rest his hands on her hips, watching her nimble fingers. She straightened it once she was finished, giving him a kiss on the jaw, "There."

He pulled her closer for a proper kiss, holding her close. She hummed against his lips, snaking her arm around his neck. He pulled away after a moment, resting his forehead against hers. "Love you."

"Love you too." She whispered, nuzzling his nose.

He took her hand as they started to make their way to the console room.


	10. Rewritten

**Ch 10**

River was a bit nervous heading back, not knowing what to expect from this experience. She'd never been a ghost before, let alone been put back into a body.

"Jack?" The Doctor called upon entering an empty console room.

"Out here!" He responded from the Hub.

They followed his voice out the door, River squeezing the Doctor's hand. Jack was down in the autopsy bay, having already taken the liberty of moving River's new body to the table. The girls were back and waiting with Vastra and Ianto near the couch.

"So, how do we do this?" River asked, staring at the body before them.

"With lots of patients and cooperation." The Doctor murmured. "I need you to lie on the table."

She nodded, laying down as instructed. She overlapped the new body almost perfectly.

"Now, Jack's got your physical self wired up. He's going to be kickstarting your brain while I... install you."

Jack went to the computers and the Doctor went next to her, placing his fingers on the temple of her body and her data ghost. River closed her eyes, bracing herself for the process to start.

The Doctor nodded to Jack, who started up a programme. "You're going to feel a mental pull, don't fight it. It's only Jack."

"Alright." She whispered, starting to feel the pull after a moment and giving in to the sensation.

"That's it, love. Just keep your mind nice and open. Relax." His tone was soothing. "The pull might vary in intensity as Jack works, but just focus on me, alright?"

"Okay." She murmured, trying to relax as much as possible. Jack gave a thumbs up to confirm he was properly connected and ready.

"Alright, now try focusing on your big toe through the pull you're feeling." She focused on her big toe as she was told. "See if you can find the part your brain that will allow you to move it."

She concentrated hard, trying to move the toe. He murmured encouragements, watching her toe for movement. It twitched after a full two minutes.

"Good work, River." She was exhausted after the one simple movement, unable to respond. "Take a rest now." He murmured, feeling her exhaustion, "Then try all the toes on that foot."

She took several minutes rest before trying again, focusing all of her mind on moving the toes on both feet. This took even more time, feeling closer to ten minutes before her toes scrunched up. She could feel her energy draining as she exerted more effort.

"Your toes moved, River. Take a rest." He urged, knowing that this was going to be a long and exhausting night.

She tried to relax again, frustrated that she was exhausted and all she had done was move her toes. He stroked her hair back and he instructed her to move onto her ankles.

They went with this process for hours and hours, him telling her where to focus and how to move.

The girls were given dinner by Ianto who'd taken to telling them stories and entertaining them. Their bedtime rolled around, so they came down to River to say goodnight, who was only up to abdominal muscles at that point. River said goodnight, trying to not look so tired.

"Will you be done in the morning? Will you be back?" Amelia asked.

"I don't know, love." She breathed, "I hope so."

The girl nodded and kissed her cheek. Freya did the same. "We love you, 'kay?"

"I love you too, my loves." She smiled weakly, "Take care of your brother for me." They nodded, Freya still seeming a bit reluctant about it but less so than before. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Night night." Amelia waved as Vastra ushered the twins off.

"I'll make sure your children are seen to bed." Vastra told River and the Doctor.

"Thank you." River murmured, giving Vastra the best smile she could manage.

"Ready?" The Doctor asked.

"Yes, ready."

They moved on to lungs and spent a full hour trying to get her body to inhale just once, which then required the same amount of time to rest. The night dragged on in similar fashion as they tuned her motor skills in her hands, arms, and face.

The sun was coming up by the time they'd covered everything, and even then, they still weren't done.

"You've done so wonderfully, River. We're at the home stretch."

"What else do we have to do?" She asked, exhausted.

"We need to permanently lock you into your brain. Right now you can control your body with effort that will be easier with time, but you're only connected through what Jack and I are doing." He explained.

"So how do you lock it in?" She whispered, not liking this whole process.

"Well... in a tug-of-war sort of way. The pull you feel from Jack is going to increase and I'll mentally push from the other side through our connection." He said, though sounded more like he was sugar coating it. "Only, your body will be resistant to the change... so it might- it'll probably hurt."

"Everything seems to hurt." She grumbled.

"I know, and I really am sorry. But it's almost over love." He offered a smile. "You're almost back."

She fell silent, just wanting to get it over with. He waited a moment, then nodded to Jack, who increased the intensity of the pull. River tried not to show the pain that it caused, and focused on letting the pull take her. The Doctor eased into his push against her consciousness. She let out a whine of pain as the feelings grew more intense.

"Almost there, almost there..." He muttered, wincing at her pain. She didn't answer, not having the strength.

The minutes dragged out in high tension until he felt her click into place. "Jack, stop now!"

Jack stopped the system as fast as he could. The Doctor withdrew his mind from River's, cupping her face. "River? River, love, can you hear me?"

Her eyes slowly opened, and she looked up at him, as if trying to process what he had just said.

He let out a breath of relief. "Take a breath. Go on, just like we practiced." She took a shaking breath, unable to do much else. "It worked." He whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. "Thank Rassilon it worked."

Moments later, she was passed out, completely exhausted from the ordeal.

"I think we should put her on a breathing mask for a few days." Jack suggested, "It can help her adapt."

The Doctor nodded, scooping her up in his arms. "Let's move her to the medbay." Jack shut down the Hub equipment. The Doctor moved back into the TARDIS, knowing the other man would follow.

The sickbay was already set up when he arrived and he set River on the bed. The TARDIS had made the sickbay more homey for River, the bed having her favorite blanket laid across it and her picture box on the table beside it. He fetched an oxygen mask for her, carefully securing it over her mouth then sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked so peaceful as she slept, hair sprawled out encircling her head.

Jack wandered in some time later, finding the Doctor curled up next to his wife, both asleep. He tucked the blanket over the pair before going off to find a bed for himself.

River slept throughout the night and far into the morning, her body trying to gain as much strength as it could. The girls' little feet were what woke the Doctor in the morning. He squinted his eyes open, finding two little faces peering at him.

Freya whispered, "Is Mummy back yet?"

"Yes, she's back in her body." He whispered back, yawning.

"Can I talk to her?" She asked excitedly.

"I'm afraid she's sleeping right now. It was very tiring getting her back, so she's going to be like that for at least a few days."

Freya pouted, circling to the other side of the bed, wanting to curl up with River. He patted the bed for both girls to climb up. The girls clambered up onto the bed, snuggling against their mother and father.

Arthur began to cry down the hall, making it known that he was now awake. The Doctor finally rolled out of bed. "You two stay here. I'll be back." He went down the hall to the nursery. Arthur's cries grew louder when there wasn't an immediate response. "I'm coming, I'm coming." He quickly made his way in, turning the light on and scooping the baby up. "There's no need to fuss."

He whined, asking for River as usual.

The Doctor smiled softly at the boy. "Looks like you've got a treat today." He started walking back to the medbay. "Mummy's got a physical form again."

He cooed, liking the sound of whatever he had just said. The Doctor murmured to Arthur as he reentered the medbay, making sure to stay quiet. He placed Arthur on River's chest, keeping a hand on the boy's back so he'd stay balanced.

River stirred as the baby was placed on top of her, her eyes fluttering open slowly. "Auh." Arthur wiggled, trying to get his mum's attention.

She looked at him, a small smile spreading across her face, "Hello, my love."

 _Mummy! Mummymummymummymummy!_ He made a noise of excitement.

She couldn't understand what he was saying, as the connection they had had not been rebuilt, "Hi." She whispered again.

The girls perked their heads up, beaming. "You're awake!"

"Yes, I'm awake." She laughed softly, turning her attention to them. They tackled her with a hug, mindful of their baby brother. "Oh, gentle girls." River whispered.

"You're back, you're back!" They were too caught up with her not being dead to pay much mind to her words.

"Yes, I am. Please be gentle, my loves." She repeated.

They listened this time and settled themselves. "Back for good though, right?" Amelia asked.

"Yes, back for good." She tried to nod.

"Daddy says you're going to be tired for a long time." Freya said, not happy about that part.

"Yes, I'm sorry my love. I will be, but I'll get better with the more rest I get."

"You said that last time and then you got worse." She fretted.

"This time will be different. I promise." She whispered.

"Pinky promise? Cross your hearts?" The girl didn't seem convinced.

She nodded, "Yes of course."

Freya held up her little finger. "You hafta do the thing."

River tried to link pinkies with her daughter. The Doctor took her hand, helping guide her weary fingers.

Freya frowned. "Why'd he do that?"

"Because I don't have enough energy to do it myself right now, but the more rest I get, the sooner I'll be back to normal."

She nodded in a quiet understanding. "But your birthday is really soon."

"I know, so hopefully I'll be a bit better then."

"But you won't be better by tomorrow." She pointed out.

"No, but I'll be able to move on my own, hopefully."

"What kind of cake is there going to be?" Amelia interrupted.

"What ever kind your father wants. He can choose." River looked towards the Doctor.

"Marble with vanilla frosting." He said decisively, his sweet tooth doing most of the talking.

"Sounds delicious." River murmured, looking back at the baby who was now growing fussy.

Arthur had been trying to talk through the mental connection the whole time, mostly just repeating the word 'Mummy'. Disappointment was all he was getting out of it.

"What's the matter, my sweet?" River whispered, bringing a shaking hand to rest on his back with the Doctor's after some effort. He started mewling, not quite at the point of wailing, but clearly quite unhappy.

"I think he's hungry." The Doctor murmured.

"Can I feed him?" River asked, not knowing if it was still possible.

"Your body hasn't had enough time with Arthur to trigger your hormones to produce milk." He explained to her. "They will within the next day or two, but for now you're stuck with bottled formula."

She nodded slowly, pressing a kiss to Arthur's head, "I'm sorry, sweetie, I can't help you."

"You can give him the bottle if you're up for it."

"I can help!" Amelia chimed in.

River laughed weakly, happy to see her daughter so enthusiastic to help with her little brother, "I'd love to give him a bottle, and I'd also love the help."

"I'll prepare one." The Doctor offered, going to rummage through the cabinets until the TARDIS give him what he needed.

A few minutes later, he wandered back over to the now properly crying Arthur. "Here we are."

The bed position had been shifted so River was sitting up now, though she needed help re-adjusting the baby in her arms, "I'll start him off and then you can help me hold the bottle, alright Amelia?"

The girl nodded eagerly, Freya just watching indifferently. River held Arthur carefully in her arm, coaxing the bottle into his mouth. He latched greedily, round, wet eyes staring up at her. Amelia took over holding the bottle, feeling how she expected big sisters felt.

River looked over at the Doctor, beaming. "Isn't that lovely..." He murmured and smiled back, remembering the girls' first feeding.

River glanced at Freya, hoping she would get over her initial grievances with her brother. Freya was staring at the baby, though more in a decisive manner than a glare. "Freya, my love, would you like a turn?" River asked gently.

She shook her head. "I'm okay."

"Alright." She didn't want to push her, looking back down at her son.

"You really like him." Freya muttered after a moment.

"Of course I do. I love him just like I love you. He's my baby." She looked back up at her, "Are you unhappy because I love him?"

She shook her head and tucked her knees up to her chest. "I just didn't know if you really meant it 'till now... You don't blame him or nothing."

"Of course I don't blame him. It wasn't his fault."

"Was he the only reason you wanted to come back?" Freya looked up at her mother, eyes glistening.

"No, no he wasn't the only reason. I wanted to come back to be with you too." She whispered. Freya silently nodded then moved to curl up against River's side. "I love you, Freya." She whispered.

The girl turned her head to River, the words returned in a muffled way. River looked at the baby, then up at the Doctor. The Doctor gestured for River to put her arm around their daughter. The girl seemed to just want comfort and that could be given easily through the physical contact. River wrapped her arm around Freya, sighing.

"Well," The Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets. "Since one of us is eating, can I make breakfast for the rest of you?"

The girls nodded, "Yes! Can we have muffins?"

"'Course. What kind?"

"Apple and chocolate chip." Amelia suggested.

"Coming right up. You can stay here, I'll bring them in when they're done." He smiled at his family, then left to the kitchen.

The girls curled up with River, the whole family content to be reunited.

Vastra wandered in some time later. "River, you've got physical form again."

River nodded, "Yes, and it feels good to be back."

Vastra smiled at her friend, practically beaming. "I'm so glad that after all you and your family have been through, your struggle has been rewarded."

She smiled back at her, "Thank you."

"Where's the Doctor, may I ask?"

"He went to go make breakfast for us." She murmured, looking down at the baby for a moment.

Vastra nodded and approached the bed. "Arthur looks delighted."

She laughed softly, "You think so?"

"Certainly more so than the last few days." Vastra reached down and stroked the boy's cheek for a moment before looking at the twins. "And how are you, little ones?'"

"I'm happy Mummy's back." Freya snuggled against River, Amelia nodding in agreement.

"We all are." She murmured. "Well, I just wanted to say goodbye to you all. I'll be heading home when the Doctor finishes cooking."

"Thank you so much for staying with us." River whispered.

"My pleasure. I'm just glad you're all okay now. The Doctor can see to your recovery and I do suppose you have a lot of... catching up to do with your family. You know where to find if you need me. Or to visit, of course. Tea is always at half past four." She added.

"I don't know what we would have done without you." River held out her arms to give her a hug before she left, "I'll see you soon."

"Bye-bye Auntie Vastra!" The girls chimed, waving to her.

Vastra waved as she headed out of the room, back to her home.

"Did Auntie Vastra know what was going to happen to you?" Freya asked after a few minutes of content silence.

River nodded slowly, "She did, but I made her promise not to tell anyone."

"Does that mean Uncle Jack knew too? And Clara?"

"Yes." She murmured, "You can't be cross with them for not telling you, I made them promise not to. So if you're going to be upset, be upset with me."

"Why did you tell us?" Freya asked quietly, Amelia looking up curiously as well.

"Because I didn't want you to be sad for all that time. I wanted to be able to make happy memories with you, without you both constantly thinking about what was going to happen."

"...I was pretty happy." Freya acknowledged, thinking about the amazing moments that had happened in the past many months. Getting the apartment, her birthday, and countless other things.

River smiled softly, "Good, I'm glad."

"And... I think I can be happy now too." She added, looking up at River.

River's smile grew wider, "I'm even happier to hear that."

The Doctor came in with the muffins just then, the smell wafting over to the girls and River.

"Those smell wonderful."

"Are you up for one?" He asked River. It was still pretty early for her digestive system to be properly running, but her body came with an empty stomach anyways.

She shook her head, "I don't think I'll be able to eat it."

He nodded, and handed each of his daughters a muffin. "Well, it might take a little while."

"I'm happy to just keep holding Arthur." She smiled.

He settled next to his wife and wrapped his arms around her and his son. Amelia moved next to Freya, munching contently. River rested her head against the Doctor's shoulder, looking down at the baby, letting the boy chew on her finger.

"You know, I think everything's going to alright." The Doctor murmured, and he really meant it now.

She nodded in agreement, "I think so too."

[A/N: I realize I could've just ended part one (never alone for very long) at this point and called the fic concluded, but if I left a cliff hanger, then more of you were likely to bother to read part two. I still have so many more chapters planned that I'm so excited to share so huge a thanks to those of you have stuck with me, hugs to all of you (unless you prefer an appreciative handshake you can have that instead). My point is: if you are feeling that this is ridiculously long and want to jump ship, this would be the point to do it. Thanks for reading it anyways. It will get ridiculously longer since I'm still going to wrap up all that jazz with Missy and have these characters face a whole different kind of challenge, so thank you everyone who sticks with it, too. You're all wonderful!]


	11. There You Saw Me Sanding

[There's been a time skip of a few months.]

 **Ch 11**

The sound of Arthur crying was what brought the Doctor out of his sleep. He found his wife through the sheets and nudged her with his foot. "River, it's your turn." He mumbled.

River groaned, reluctantly stumbling out of bed and down the hall to the nursery, "Alright, alright. Mummy's coming."

She yawned as she approached the crib. Arthur reached up for his mum, red faced and teary eyed. He'd been beginning to teethe and hadn't let his parents have a full night's sleep in a week.

"It's alright, my love." River murmured, scooping the baby up, "You're alright." She rubbed his back, grabbing one of is teething toys before heading back to her bedroom.

"You've brought company." The Doctor squinted up at River and their son as they came in.

"I thought he might like to see you." She murmured, kissing the baby's forehead as she sat back down on the bed, "Are you hungry, my love?"

 _Yes. Eat, eat!_ He whined. Their telepathic connection had been reformed over the past few months, with training and effort.

"Alright, alright. We'll feed you then." She began unbuttoning her top, eyes still half closed.

"Lie back, love." The Doctor suggested, putting a hand on her arm.

"Hmm?" She stifled a yawn, laying back. Arthur made a mental demand for his milk.

"I can take the girls to school today." The Doctor offered, noting the pink line of sunrise outside the flat's window.

She nodded, holding Arthur up to eat, "We can both take them if you want."

"I want you to have the rest you need." He shifted to kiss her cheek, more awake now.

She smiled weakly, "We should take Arthur out today."

"You think so?" He scooted closer to her, peering over her shoulder at Arthur. "Where?"

"Just to the park." She murmured, tilting her head to lean against his, "Nowhere fancy."

"I love parks." He grinned. "I like that idea."

"Oh, but we're supposed to be hosting tea this week for all the girls friends' parents." She groaned.

"Is that this week?" He raised an eyebrow. "Well, I guess we'll be going to the shop instead."

She sighed, closing her eyes and nuzzling his cheek, "I don't like any of those parents."

"They aren't too bad... What don't you like?"

"They're all so… dim." She murmured, readjusting Arthur to a more comfortable position before letting him continue to eat. "They're more concerned about their child's ability to spell, than their ability to defend themselves."

"Human children generally don't need to know defense. They develop slower and at this age aren't as bright as Amelia and Freya." He murmured.

"Well they don't need to be so critical of me." She muttered.

"They assume you're like them, but maybe it would help to talk about something other than self defense or education." He suggested.

"But it's not just because of that. They don't like me for… most things I do." She glanced down at the baby, wincing slightly when he bit.

"Like what?" He was getting confused now. How could anyone not like the amazing woman his wife was? Sure, she wasn't the most social when among humans, but it still didn't make sense to him.

She sighed, "It doesn't matter. You're hungry today." She murmured to the baby, changing the subject.

The Doctor decided to let it go. It was early and if it was terribly important, she'd tell him later. "I think he gets more so in the mornings."

She nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Do you like having a third?"

"He's absolutely wonderful." He affirmed, "And I think the girls really love him, too."

She smiled, "Do you think Freya's been handling it well?"

He nodded. "She's certainly making a lot of progress."

"Oh! Arthur, be gentle with Mummy." River murmured, frowning slightly.

The Doctor winced sympathetically. "Did he bite?"

She nodded, "He doesn't quite understand that he can't bite down while he's eating."

"He'll learn if you remind him often enough." He smiled. "Our children are brilliant learners."

She laughed softly, "Yes, that's true. We're going to have to wake the girls soon."

He looked out the window again. The sun was just viable now, the sky full of more fiery colors. "Can we stay like this a little longer?"

"Of course." She smiled softly, nuzzling his cheek.

He cuddled close to her, and they lay there in the quiet of their house. Arthur finished his breakfast and was quiet in River's arms until he started to whine again.

River had started to fall asleep again, the sound waking her up. "Shhhh, shhh, it's okay." She rubbed his back, "What's wrong, my love?"

"It's time to burp him." The Doctor carefully took the baby from her arms, holding Arthur against his shoulder and patting his back.

"You're going to need the cloth." She murmured, reaching over to her nightstand to get one of the rags.

"Thanks." He placed it over his shoulder then resumed burping his son. Arthur's whined increased, then he spit up and calmed.

"Oh, that was a big one. Mummy has such a good boy." River smiled kissing his cheek and wiping off his mouth.

"Yeah, you say that now only because you're not the one with spit up on your back." The Doctor took the rag off and chucked it into the hamper in the corner of the room. She laughed softly, giving him a quick peck before trying to steal the baby back. "Oi, you had your cuddle with him. My turn now." The Doctor insisted.

"Alright, fine." She curled up beside him so she could look at the baby.

Toby trotted into the room, hopping up on the bed. Arthur grabbed for the dog, having grown a liking to him. Toby trampled over the Doctor to go and lick the baby. The Timelord fell over. "Ack! River help!"

"Doctor! Watch the baby!" She was more concerned with the present safety of their child, than him, hauling the dog back by the collar and then going for the baby.

"Sorry, sorry." He apologized quickly and let Arthur into River's arms. Toby turned to face the baby, wapping the Doctor in the face with his tail.

"It's not your fault." She murmured, checking the baby over, making sure he wasn't hurt.

 _Again, again!_ Arthur giggled.

"No, not again." River breathed, holding him close to her chest, her heart hammering.

"River, you alright?" The Doctor asked.

She nodded, not speaking, though she was shielding the baby from the dog.

"Toby, go." The Doctor pointed towards the door, realizing he was making River uncomfortable. The dog jumped off the bed and slunk out of the room. "...Better?" He asked?

She didn't answer, rocking back and forth with the baby, squeezing her eyes shut.

"River..." He put a hand on her arm. "It's alright. It's okay, Arthur's okay." She flinched before finally relaxing, her breathing returning to normal. He offered a smile. "Sorry about that. Won't happen again, promise."

"It wasn't your fault." She whispered, pressing a kiss to Arthur's temple, "We should get the girls up."

"I'll do it." He stood. "I think you could use some extra cuddling time."

"Are you sure?" She asked, glancing up at him.

"Yes. Of course." He kissed her forehead.

"Okay." She whispered, curling back under the blankets, the baby securely in her arms. He looked at her for a second, admiring how the pale yellow light of the sun coming up splayed beautifully across her, before finally going to the girls' room.

The girls got up with minimal difficulty, always happy to go to school to see their friends. The Doctor made their breakfast and helped pack their bags, which mostly consisted of coloring books and crayons. River came down a bit later, with Arthur, double checking to make sure everything the girls needed was in their backpacks.

"Did the girls tell you they've got a field trip today?"

"Oh, really? Where are you going?" River asked as she searched for Arthur's teething cream.

"Ms. L said we're going to the science museum!" Amelia cheered excitedly.

"Oh my, that sounds like loads of fun!" She smiled, "I want you two to be careful, alright? Listen to Ms. L and don't wander off."

They nodded.

"Oh, that reminds me... I sort of volunteered as a chaperon. Also, I need you to grab something from Torchwood for me." The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck.

Her face fell a bit, "Oh, umm...alright. What is it you need?"

"It's a... thingy. With nobs and bits. Ask Jack, he'll know where it is." He lied.

She raised an eyebrow, "A thingy?"

"Yes! A thingy. An important thingy." He declared.

She huffed, quite unhappy that the plan to spend the day together was now falling through, "Fine. I'll go on my way to the shops."

"Thank you dear!" He smiled. "I promise I'll make it up to you later."

"We should go get dressed then." She directed the comment to Arthur, "We have a busy day ahead of us." She went and kissed the tops of Amelia and Freya's heads. "Can you give your sisters kisses?"

"Uuh!" Was Arthur's response, along with a wiggle. _Can't reach!_

She held him up to each girl in a distance that he could manage. His kisses were sloppy and more of him just pushing his head forwards, but it made the girls smile anyways.

"Oh, good boy!" River praised, giving him a kiss of his own.

"And one for Daddy!" The Doctor cooed, taking Arthur for a moment.

River smiled weakly, watching as Arthur gave the Doctor a big sloppy kiss on the cheek, "Have a fun time at the museum."

"We will!" They all said, gave River hugs and kisses, and left for the school.

River and Arthur went upstairs to get read. It took a while to actually get out the door since the pets needed feeding, Arthur needed changing, and the pram wasn't where she'd left it. Toby joined the walk when she and Arthur actually left and arrived at the Hub.

"Look who it is! My favorite Timelady and co." Jack greeted River with a hug.

"Hello, Jack." River smiled, hugging him back and pushing the pram into the hub. "The Doctor sent me on an errand to pick something up. He said it's a 'thingy' with nobs and bits?"

"I don't remember the Doctor leaving anything here, and _everything_ in here has nobs and bits, but you're free to poke around. I can watch the little man for you."

"Alright, I would appreciate that. He may be a bit sleepy, he usually naps around now." She carefully lifted the baby out of the carriage and handed him to Jack.

"Piece of cake." He grinned, going back up to his office and leaving River to search.

She began searching through the various objects, rather frustrated with her husband for sending her on this errand with absolutely no information. After a few minutes the TARDIS started to materialize.

"What are you doing out of bed?"

She turned, eyebrow raised, "Sorry?"

"You're..." The Doctor stood before her, looking absolutely baffled. "Supposed to be resting."

She raised an eyebrow, "And why, exactly, am I supposed to be resting? You're supposed to be on a school trip."

"Well… um..." He lost his words, a million questions tumbling through his mind and almost onto his tongue.

She hummed softly, "Are you alright?"

He approached her, acting awfully different to the chipper Doctor from the house this morning. He let out a breath when his hand met the skin of her cheek.

"Doctor?" She murmured, staring at him, "Wh-" She was cut off by the start of wailing from down the hall.

"That's... Arthur?" He said in breathy whisper, almost like he'd never heard the sound before.

She was starting to really understand what was going on now. "Spoilers." She whispered, a smile breaking out on her face thinking of all the happy memories that were to come for him.

"You... know when I am then?" His eyes brightened.

"Well, I do now." She laughed weakly, "The awe in your voice gave you away. You'd better get used to that sound, sweetie." She smiled, referring to the baby's cries.

"It can't be much different from when the girls were born." He chuckled back, the sound watery. "It's been so long since we had to do diaries."

"Yes, it has. I guess I'm a bit out of practice." She glanced back towards the baby's cries, "I should probably go attend to the baby."

"And I should probably not see... timelines and all." He made no move away from her, though.

She could tell he was reluctant to leave, "Keep taking care of me and I'll be just fine. Cuddling and kisses go a long way and all the trouble you may or may not have on Arthur's birthday is _so_ worth it." She was tempted to say Terra just to mess with him, but instead leaned in to kiss him, "Let's keep this meeting our little secret, yeah?"

His answer was a passionate kiss, all the emotions he had pouring out. There was so much more in this Doctor's kiss, like if he let go, she'd shatter. She kissed him back with as much love and passion as she could, knowing he needed it.

When they broke apart, she laughed softly, "Take care, my love. I'll see you soon."

"Sooner than you'd think." He was smiling and crying like an idiot, though he didn't seem to notice or mind. He finally went back the the TARDIS, knowing he wasn't supposed to be there.

She turned and headed down the hallway, her voice echoing back to him, "Alright, alright! Mumma's coming!"

"I got this one, River." Jack called back, though didn't sound convincing.

"Are you sure?" She asked, already coming into the room.

"I know how to change a diaper, but if you have a diaper bag with you, that would be great." He said. "Was that the TARDIS I just heard?"

"Yes, the Doctor dropped by." She called as she ran to get the diaper bag.

"And he didn't even say hello. How rude." He teased.

"I couldn't let him see the baby, it was the wrong Doctor." She explained.

"Oooh." This engrossed him, his tone like a school girl talking about crushes. He took the diaper bag from her. "Come on, spill."

She shook her head, "There's nothing to tell. He was only here for about two minutes."

He nudged River with his elbow. "Aw, come River. I'm sure it's int-" The sound of the Hub door opening and closing cut him off. "Oh, I guess that'll be the present version of your husband."

"You can go meet him, I'll finish up with this little one."

"Nonsense. I'm almost done." He chuckled, clearly just wanting more time with his nephew. "Go get 'im."

She smiled, turning and running out of the room. Her Doctor was poking about at computers, trying to make himself look busy.

"Hello there." She grinned, leaning against the stairway railing.

"Oh, River!" He straightened himself up so quickly that he nearly knocked himself over. "Uh... did you find the thingy?"

"Yes." She smiled, "I did find the thingy."

"Good." He coughed awkwardly, then made his gangly limbs take him over to her. "Turns out the field trip had too many chaperons so they didn't need me." IN truth he'd never actually signed up to me one, he'd only said so she'd say what he remembered her saying.

She wrapped her arms around him, "So does that mean you're going to spend the day with me?"

"Yes." He nodded, then pecked her lips. "Besides, we've got some tea to pick out." She nuzzled his cheek, humming, happy that she was going to get to spend the day with her husband and their son.

"Good as new and smelling like a rose." Jack announced, carrying Arthur down the stairs.

"Heya, Doc!"

"Oh, there's my baby!" River smiled, holding her arms out for the baby. J

ack handed Arthur over. "You guys leaving already?"

River nodded, "I'm afraid so, we have some errands to run."

He exaggerated a sigh. "You guys need to come about more often."

"We will, I promise." River smiled. Jack waved them off and the three plus the dog left the hub.

"Where to, sweetie?" River asked, making sure Arthur was nice and warm in the pram.

"I probably should have made a list. What do we need? Tea..." He started, then couldn't quite think of anything else.

"Biscuits, we need more milk, something for the girls and their friends to snack on..." She listed off.

"Sounds like a mission for the grocery store." He decided.

She nodded, taking his hand and walking with him and pushing the pram along. They looked utterly human at the moment. That is, until Toby spotted something and started running ahead of them.

"No, Toby wait!"

"Toby!" River called, "Come here!"

The dog barked, but didn't listen. The Doctor scrambled after him. River stayed behind, not wanting to risk hurting the baby by trying to run with the stroller. The Doctor followed Toby down an alley, both of them falling silent.

After a long moment or few, Toby ran out without the Doctor, whimpering.

"Toby?" River whispered, peering into the alley, her hearts pounding. Toby tried to nudge her in the opposite direction, not wanting her down there.

The Doctor was lying on the ground. She froze a few steps into the alley, gasping, horrified. "Doctor!"

"Nngh... River, you have to run." The Doctor tried to prop himself up on his arm, holding his head.

She scooped up Arthur from the pram, holding him tightly to her chest, "No! I'm not leaving you."

"She's here. She'll hurt you. Please..." There was blood coming from beneath his hand.

"I can't abandon you." She whispered, wanting to step in and help him, but afraid of putting Arthur in danger.

"It's a _trap._ Just _go!_ " He begged.

She began to back up, torn between helping her husband and protecting her baby. Toby barked, pulling on River's dress for her to run, but at that point, it was too late.

"Oh, of course it's a trap. I'm the _queen_ of traps. "

River still tried to run, making the decision that the Doctor could defend himself if he really had to, she needed to protect their son.

"Ah ah ah." Missy clicked her tongue and blocked her path. "Now where do you think you're going?"

She didn't answer, trying to slam her with her shoulder and bolt. Missy easily countered, pushing River hard instead. She stumbled, but managed to stay on her feet.

Toby growled, trying to bite Missy, allowing River to finally get past her. Missy make a frustrated noise, trying to go after River, but the Doctor managed to grab her leg. "Just keep running River! Find the girls!"


	12. Full Circle

**Ch 12**

River hurried with the pram and dog to the museum that the girls were visiting, running through the place to try and find them. She was stopped by one of the employees.

"Excuse me, miss, I'm going to have to ask you not to run. And there are no animals allowed in here."

"Yes, I'm aware, I'm sorry, but I need to find my daughters. It's an emergency."

Toby trotted ahead, barking for River to follow. She got after him, finally seeing the girls. She rushed over to them, quickly speaking to their teacher and coming up with a story about an accident and that the girls needed to come home immediately. She whisked them out of the museum.

"Did Daddy really get in an accident?" Freya worried.

River hesitated, "Let's just get home." She shooed her along. They went into the TARDIS when they got to the flat, which was parked in the living room.

"Mummy..." The girl insisted, climbing up on the jump seat. "Is Daddy hurt? Is he okay?"

"Yes," She lied, giving her a smile, "He's alright, but he needs my help with something very important, so Uncle Jack is going to come over and watch you." She was already piloting the TARDIS to Torchwood, Arthur starting to cry in her arms.

"Well why couldn't it wait 'till after the field trip?" Amelia frowned.

Her smiled faded a bit as she tried to think of an excuse, "Because it has to do with saving the world."

"Oh, oh can we come!" This only excited her. "Please, please, please? I wanna help! I can save people!"

"Not this time, my love." She murmured, "I need you to take care of your brother for me, can you do that?"

Amelia nodded, only pouting a little. She knew that her parents considered caring for her little brother an equally if not more important job.

Freya tugged on River's dress for attention again. "Uncle Jack doesn't need our help with that. I want to finish the field trip!"

"Well, I want you here, just in case he needs your help. Because you know what? I think you're much smarter than Uncle Jack. Once I'm finished, I can take you back to your field trip if you'd like."

"Can you get us back when we left so we don't miss any?" She crossed her arms. Last time the girls had been pulled out of school, they had come back and missed an entire month, though that was mainly the Doctor's poor driving.

"Of course, my sweet." She kissed her forehead, "Now, would you like to hold your little brother?"

Freya nodded, feeling more confident that this was only a short break from school. She sat, as it was a rule for getting to hold the baby, and held her arms out. "Where is Daddy, anyways?"

"He's out starting to fix things right now." River put the baby in her arms, giving her another quick kiss before running to the doors to get Jack.

"Can't get enough of me, huh?" Jack flirted as he was dragged into the TARDIS. "River Song, you bad-" He cut himself off when he realized the girls were there.

"I need you to watch them." She whispered, glancing at the girls.

"What's going on." He frowned, knowing that tone.

"It's Missy. She found us while we were out. I don't know where she or the Doctor are now. I had to leave him, I couldn't let her get to the baby." She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. Luckily the girls were out of earshot.

"You need me to keep them safe." It wasn't so much of a question, but more of a confirmation that he would do so in confidence. "Your place or mine?"

"The Hub." She murmured, "I may need the TARDIS."

He nodded, looking at the girls and putting on his 'funny uncle' face. "Hey kiddos! I've got a super fun computer game for you if you come in here." Amelia immediately jumped up and ran into the hub, Freya needing to wait until he took the baby. "Don't worry, Riv. I'll call you at the first sign of trouble." Jack assured, patting her arm with his free hand.

River nodded, thanking him as he left. She then took off in the TARDIS, back to the place where she had left the Doctor and only a few minutes after she'd first left. There was nothing there now, the Doctor having left or been taken. Probably the latter.

"Well you certainly that hook easily." Missy was leaning against the TARDIS, fixing her lipstick in the mirror.

"What do you want?" River hissed, glaring at her.

"Oh, that's right. You were too dead to hear that I'm planning to ruin your life." Missy grinned.

"Well, I'm not dead anymore, so care to inform me?"

"Yes, because I really just wanted to take this time to explain to you my evil plan." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "But don't worry. Half the job is already done."

"What half is that?"

"Well, dearie," Her sinister grin returned as she circled River. "Messing with thick people is really quite easy. Change some wind here, talk to some people there…. Think of all the bad things that have happened to you since you and what's-his-face decided to create those little disgraces. Things you might blame on, say, _other_ people. Things you might blame on nature."

River shook her head, "What are you implying?"

"Oh, go on, trollop. Even a half-breed could put it together. Then again, those idiots with the dumb eye patches had trouble with it, too."

She glared at her, still unclear what _exactly_ Missy was referring to.

"Your thick skull is really making this conversation quite boring for me." She pouted. "Do you have any tea?"

"Well I'm sorry I can't read your mind." River snapped, "Most people don't have that ability, you know."

"The Doctor and I used to be able to, before he shut me out at least." Missy seemed to enjoy toying with River.

"Well, now he shares that ability with me." River replied cooly.

"Hardly." She countered. "Whatever you think you have, it's nowhere close to what it could've been if you weren't a mutt."

"At least I'm not a lonely Time Lady who can only get attention by kidnapping and terrorizing her former friend."

"Don't forget allowing the stupid eye-patch-people to track your family, break into your TARDIS on several occasions, putting the Vashta Nerada spores in the books, providing that _ghastly_ woman with that weird drug for you, drowning the thing you call a daughter..." She listed, counting on her fingers. "I think I'm missing a few, but I do love a track record."

River suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. "You drowned Amelia?" She stared at her, startled, before something else clicked in her brain, " _You_ let the Silence into the TARDIS? You're the reason my expedition left only Mr Lux alive? _You're_ the reason my son died?!"

Missy inspected her nails. "It died? Oh good, I was hoping that would happen."

River's expression hardened and she attacked her, taking her to the ground.

"Now, now, there's no need to get temperamental." Missy struggled. "If you kill me now, you'll never find where your dear little hubby is."

She had dealt with Missy enough to know that her games of 'be nice to me and I'll tell you what you want' never worked. She'd need to use force to get information out of her. River grabbed hold of Missy's collar, ramming her head into the ground, "Where is my husband?!"

"Oof, now that's just going to make me dizzy." Missy exaggerated the expression.

She did it again, "Answer me!"

Missy growled, surging up and flipping them over. She grabbed River's wrist and forced her to hold her vortex manipulator as they dematerialized. River didn't even look to see where they were when they landed, forcing another flip so she was on top again.

Suddenly hands were on River, wrenching her off the other Timelady and forcing her to the floor. Missy stood, rubbing her head and dusting herself off.

"Get off of me!" River shouted, struggling against whomever was holding her.

"I believe you've been here before." Missy put her hand on her hip. "Welcome to the Papal Mainframe."

River continued to battle the person holding her, "What do you want?" She shouted at her.

"Well in short, you'll all be dead by the end of the day. Chain her somewhere useful." Missy waved to the orderly to take River away.

"Get off of me!" She shouted again, struggling with all of the force she had. Another person came to help restrain her, dragging her down stairs and to a cell. They chained her to the wall and left with a firm slam of the door.

She struggled against her chains, trying to escape, "If you don't let me out this instant, you'll regret it!"

"Don't I know it." The reply came from behind her, on the other side of the wall.

She froze her shouts falling silent for a moment.

"River?" The man's voice asked. "You still there? You're not a figment of my imagination, are you?"

"No..." She breathed, "I'm here."

"Oh." He seemed a bit disappointed. "So then you really _did_ get captured. Are the girls safe?"

"I hope so..." She murmured, guilt flooding through her when she heard the disappointment in his voice.

"Did you leave them with Vastra?"

"I'm not going to tell you." She shook her head. She wouldn't dare risk someone overhearing and finding out where they were hidden.

He nodded, though she couldn't see him. "Sorry, I should have asked something else. They took my sonic first day here, I'm awfully bored."

"What do you mean first day?" She breathed.

"I mean the first day I was here." He stated.

"How long have you been here?"

"Four days, I think. There isn't exactly a clock in here."

She shook her head, trying to struggle out of the chains again, she fighting so hard her wrists threatened to break.

"River..." The Doctor worried at the sound of clanking metal. "If you're trying to break out, it's not going to work. I already tried." She ignored him, trying harder than before. "You're going to hurt yourself!" He said louder, think maybe she hadn't heard him.

There was a snap and she cried out in pain, the warning coming too late.

"River!" The called out to her, worry taking over completely.

Her breathing was heavy now, trying to work through the pain, "I-I'm okay, I'm alright. I can get out now."

He was silent for a moment. "Is it both of them?"

"Not yet." She murmured, "But it'll have to be."

The sound of one chain falling against the wall came before the tugging resumed. His hearts clenched and if he had been able to cover his ears, he would have. He didn't want to hear her in pain because she was in a place she shouldn't have been in the first place. There was another snap, followed by a muffled mix of a whimper and a cry of agony.

He squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm so sorry." She was silent, the sound of the other shackle hitting the wall. He wished he had regeneration energy to give her.

"I-I'm out now." She whispered, though the pain made it hard to concentrate.

"Give yourself a moment, will you?" He begged.

"We don't have a moment." Her breath was ragged, as if she had just ran a marathon.

"Well you _need_ one." He couldn't imagine what pain she was in right now.

She fell against the wall, on the brink of passing out from the pain. One self-inflicted wrist break she could handle, two was too much.

"Just breathe, okay?" He instructed from the other side of the wall. It was all he could do since he couldn't physically comfort her. She nodded, despite the fact that they couldn't see each other.

The sound of footsteps could be heard coming back towards her cell. Missy's face soon appeared in the bars of the window in River's door. "Aw, you did the fun part without me."

She ignored Missy, still focusing on breathing.

"Looks like you didn't enjoy it as much as I am. No matter. Did him in doors tell you to do it?"

"No." She growled, still not looking at her.

Missy grinned, "Oh, Doctor!" She called.

"You just stay away from her!" The Doctor shouted, not having heard most of what they were saying.

"You know, I think I'm in the mood to play a bit of operation!" She called, stepping further into River's cell, "And your wife will make the _perfect_ patient."

"Get away from her!" He cried, starting to struggle against his bonds. He was nowhere near as strong as River was, and wouldn't be able to break out like she did, but that wouldn't stop his attempts.

"What shall we fix first, hmm? Perhaps we should remove a few organs to make sure she can't spread her mutt blood again." She snapped, two orderlies came in behind her to grab River. They secured her arms behind her back, holding her wrists rather tightly.

River fought back until they grabbed her wrists, melting in pain.

"Oh, I do love a weak spot." Missy drew a knife from her pocket.

"Doctor!" River called, not seeing a way she could get out of this on her own. She tried to fight, but the grip on her wrists was almost unbearable.

"Yes, call for help. I makes things more hilarious." Missy sneered.

The clanging metal in the other room didn't stop, the Doctor trying furiously to get to River. There was a snap, but this wasn't of bones breaking; it was of metal. River's heart was pounding, the snap making her more nervous as she didn't know if it was the Doctor breaking the chains or something else.

Even Missy paused at the noise. "What does he think he's playing at." She glanced over her shoulder as if she would be able to see through the wall to see what he was doing.

The scraping of metal against the floor started along with footsteps that were coming closer. Missy turned to the door to see the Doctor standing there, utterly enraged that she would even dare touch his wife. The cuffs were still around his wrists, the chains dragging behind him having been broken off.

River was staring as well, relieved to see him again. Missy, though surprised, kept a cool exterior, twirling the knife in her hands, "Well, look who finally showed up to the operating room. Just in time to watch your pet get sterilized."

"You. Will. Not. Touch. Her." He ground out, raising his arm and whipping a chain at her. It wrapped around the arm she was holding the knife in and he yanked as hard as he could.

Missy stumbled, barely catching her balance before yanking back. The Doctor was pulled to his knees, but instantly jumped up and tacked her. She fought back, calling for assistance. She tossed the knife aside, as she wasn't aiming on killing the Doctor. The orderlies idiotically let go of River and went to try to restrain the Doctor.

"No, you idiots!" Missy snapped, "Get both of them!"

The Doctor took the other chain and attacked one of the orderlies before they could move back to River. "River, run!"

River ran behind him, "Come one, let's go." She touched his arm.

"A bit busy, give me a sec." He huffed, getting the chains untangled from Missy and the orderly. "Okay, _now_ run." River grabbed one of the chains, wincing a bit and then taking off.

They sprinted down the hall, Missy close on their tails. "Please tell me you have the TARDIS."

She shook her head, "Missy used her vortex manipulator, but there has to be another way to get out of here."

"We have to assume no one here is our friend. But there's too many to fight." They went around a corner. She nodded in agreement, on the lookout for any immediate threats. "We've got to find somewhere we can barricade ourselves so we can have second to think."

She nodded again, glancing over her shoulder. They took twists and turns in attempts to shake Missy off their trail, pushing themselves as fast as they could manage. They came across a room and darted inside, setting to barricading the door.


	13. All I Ever Wanted

**Ch 13**

Once they were finally barricaded in the room, River closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath, before looking down at her wrists.

"May I see?" The Doctor asked, out of breath.

She nodded, holding her arms out to him. He gently traced over the swollen, bruised skin, doing his best not to put any pressure on them. "I'll make you temporary splints. You'll need them until we can get somewhere with help."

She winced, despite his gentleness, "Okay." She breathed, "I'm sorry."

"You did what you had to." He murmured, searching the room for something to make the splint with. They seemed to be in a religious sort of chamber, as there was an altar there, though it was shaped like a bed. He started taking apart what he could.

River stayed out of the way, feeling rather useless as she could do almost nothing with her hands.

"Aright." He came back to her when he had enough things to split her wrists with. "This won't be comfortable."

She shook her head, "I don't want it then."

He frowned. "If your wrists don't heal properly, the long term effects won't be any less harsh."

"Fine." She sighed, "Here."

He started with her right hand, carefully securing a piece of a bar and a piece of wood on her wrist with his bow tie. She winced, holding still so he could finish.

He pressed a kiss to her fingers when he'd finished. "Almost done, just one more wrist to go."

She tucked her head against his neck, "Can we rest first?"

He nodded. "Yes. Whatever you need." Her body was shaking slightly, not because she was afraid, but from the sheer physical shock it had just endured.

He wrapped his arms around her, sitting them gently on the floor.

"Are you alright?" She whispered, nuzzling his neck.

"Are you?" He asked back.

"I asked first." She teased.

"Oh very well." He gave in. "I'm... alright, given the circumstances."

"I'm sorry for leaving you." She whispered, "But I couldn't let her get to Arthur."

"I don't hold you to any fault on that. Our children are first priority."

She nodded, leaning in to give him a soft kiss. Their lips moved against each other's gently and lovingly. "I love you." She murmured against his lips.

"I love you, too." He whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "You never answered my question."

"I'm alright." She breathed, leaning into his hand, "Especially since you came to my rescue."

"You were the one who came to my rescue first." He chuckled.

"Yes, but you saved me from getting my organs cut out." She kissed his jaw.

"Now what kind of husband would I be if I let that happen?" He smiled.

She laughed softly, "I was quite impressed with your breakout."

"I'd been working at the chains for days. They were weak already." He explained.

"Ah, so it had nothing to do with me and the lives of any potential future children being in danger?" She asked playfully.

"Nothing at all." He teased.

She pouted, playfully, "Oh, pity."

"Does that disqualify me from getting any potential future children?"

"Well, no. I suppose not." She looked up at him, "Do you want them?" They hadn't really talked about it yet.

He shrugged. "I don't know yet."

She laced her fingers through his, "Alright." She murmured, "Take your time."

He nodded. He didn't really have any objection to another kid, but Arthur was only a few months old and Missy was still a huge threat. It wasn't the time to be thinking about babies. "How about that other wrist?"

She nodded, holding her other wrist out to him. He wrapped it up as quickly as he could, not wanting her to be in pain for long. She tried not to wince, needing another break after he finished.

"We need a plan." He advised. "And quickly."

"Do you have any ideas?" She asked, eyes still closed.

"Not very goods ones." He admitted. "And not ones I'm sure will work."

"Well, we need to find a way to stop Missy from following us home." She murmured, looking up at him.

"Or else the kids won't be safe." He added in agreement, then swallowed worriedly. "All the other times, it didn't work. All the other times, she came back and the consequences keep getting worse. ...but I don't know if I can bring myself to take the permanent solution."

"If you won't do it, I will." River stood, pacing. She didn't want to endanger her children and there was only one way to stop that from happening.

He nodded slowly. "That would be better, but we don't exactly have an armory." He looked around.

"And I can't use much else with broken wrists." She sighed, walking around the room, "There has to be something in here though."

"My chains, you can use the wood pieces as a club..." He stood and did the same as River, peaking around corners and behind curtains. "Ooh, that could be useful."

"What?" She asked, walking to his side.

He pulled the curtain back further to reveal a display case. To their luck, it was a showing of old fashioned weaponry, mostly pistols. "I guess we _do_ have an armory."

"Doctor..." River murmured, "I don't think I'm going to be able to do this. I won't be able to use any of this with both of my wrists broken."

"Then..." He looked at her. "We'll work together. As it should be."

"But you do realize that you're going to have to do the actual..." She hesitated to say the word.

He nodded solemnly, setting his jaw. "It's not the time for me to be sentimental. Whatever she once was to me, won't matter right now. You are what matters. Our children are what matter. I have a duty of care to you all, and that means protecting you at any costs. This is just one of the costs."

She leaned in and kissed him deeply, passionately. "You can do it."

"Not without your help." He held her close. "Together, River."

"Together." She nodded, melting into the embrace.

They stayed like that for a moment before he pulled away and smashed the glass case. He collected the pistols and knives, pleased (and a bit conflicted) to find the guns already loaded.

She gave his arm a squeeze, heading back towards the door. "Now that we have the weapons, what's next? What's our plan?"

"Well... stand and fight. Missy is either going to kill us, or toy with us and then kill us. But she's not coming through that door alone and she's not coming unarmed. We need to isolate her. Once she falls, the Mainframe will fall with her. We'll need to get her vortex manipulator _and_ we'll need to blow this place up. Also we need to not die."

She nodded, taking a deep breath, "We should try to get her in here."

"That won't be a problem." He assured. As if on cue, there came a pounding from the other side of the door.

"Sorry, we're busy." River called, hoping to irritate Missy.

The banging came harder. "See if you can use the chains." The Doctor mouthed.

"For what?" She mouthed back.

He tried to mimic the movements of fighting, hoping she'd get the message. She tilted her head, not understanding what he was trying to imply.

"Well you need something to defend yourself with." He huffed.

The next bang caused some of the barricade of furniture to fall away. She took a plank that he hadn't used for her wrists, though not without an eye roll. He tried to give her a thankful smile, the door being forced open a significant crack.

Missy was right upfront, her arm reaching through the crack.

"Visiting hours are over, Missy. Come back tomorrow." The Doctor said, weapon secure in his hand. River stood on the other side of the door, ready to wack Missy's hand.

Missy reached in, trying to push away the things in front of the door.

"Pull her in!" River mouthed to her husband. The Doctor pocketed his gun and grabbed Missy's arm, yanking as hard as he could.

MIssy fell into the room, River slamming the door behind her. Missy jumped up, anger etched on her face. She grabbed the closest thing, which happened to be a metal pipe, and started for River.

River fought back with her plank, though every movement she made with her hands was agony in her broken bones.

The Doctor panicked, taking the gun back out and raising it. His hesitation was like being chained up again. He had no idea how to aim, and there was the possibility of hitting River. The thought of having to fire it at all was enough to make his hands shake, but regardless, he pulled the trigger.

The first missed by a lot, but the second shot hit Missy, by some miracle, right through the chest, close enough to nick one of her hearts. The Doctor ran over to his wife, eyes wide in shock as he motioned for her to back away.

River struggled out of his arms, needing to get the vortex manipulator.

"River, wait. She's going to-" He cut himself off as Missy looked up at the pair, starting to glow gold.

"You have to hit her again." River called, still trying to get the manipulator.

"Why don't you just take her regeneration energy? She won't make it without all of it." He counter-suggested, though was already gripping the gun again.

"What do you mean?" She asked, staring at him.

"Take the energy to heal your wrists." He repeated, not knowing how to clarify it much further.

River grabbed Missy's wrist, trying to figure out how to take her energy. She hadn't realized that regeneration energy could be taken, she thought that it could only be given.

"You've got to invade her mind and force her to redirect the energy flow to you." He instructed.

She tried to hone in on Missy's mind, trying to do as he said. "No...! Stop...!" Missy managed, though it was already working for River's behalf.

The pain in River's wrists seemed to melt away as the light dancing around her.

"Keep your focus!" The Doctor encouraged. Missy cried out, struggling in vain to get away.

Now that her wrists had begun to heal, River's grip grew stronger, and she held Missy tightly, her focus keeping. Missy's strength and life force drained away. The light soon faded and the Timelady slumped forwards, completely limp.

River didn't lose her focus until the light was completely gone, staring at Missy's motionless form. The Doctor urged her to back away again, finding that his voice was gone. River collapsed against him, unable to look away from the figure in front of her.

"We... we killed her." He croaked.

She shook her head, "We have to finish this." It wasn't the time to dwell on what they'd done, they had to finish the job if they wanted to get back home. She walked over to Missy's body, retrieving the vortex manipulator.

"Maybe you should hold the guns now." He breathed, staying close to her.

She took the guns from him, giving him the vortex manipulator in return, "We need to try and find a way to blow this place up."

"There's a main control room on the top deck." He said quietly, trying to save his emotions to deal with later.

"If you use the vortex manipulator, we can get there." She murmured. He nodded and programmed the device, gesturing for her to put her hand on. She gently placed her hand on his.

He paused, looking at her for a moment before pressing the activation.

The console room was not empty, though River immediately went to work with the guns. The Doctor tried not to look, focusing on finding the controls. The others were taken care of in no time, leaving the Doctor to work in peace.

"Alright, I've found most of the controls. Jam the door and help me find the ones for the engine." He instructed, now totally focused on his work.

She nodded, running to open the control panels on the automatic door, messing with the wires and then helping him investigate the control panel.

It took them a good ten minutes at least to fully identify what each button did. "What I wouldn't give for a sonic right now." He muttered. "Alright, reroute any power you can to the motor. It'll overload this thing and this place with go down."

She nodded, immediately going to work rerouting power and then jamming the controls so it couldn't be undone. He worked on lowering the engine capacity so it would blow more quickly.

The lights flicked and went out, the whole place starting to shake. "River, we've got to get out of here."

She grabbed his hand, helping him type in the coordinates for where the TARDIS had been left. Alarms started everywhere, and the far wall started to crumple. They weren't going to wait around and see the damage.

They left with a flash, landing flat on their backs in a very familiar console room. River was breathing heavily, frozen on the ground. Her body was still pumping with adrenaline, the blood rushing in her ears.

The Doctor managed to prop himself up on his side, turning quickly to her. "You alright?"

"...Yes." She breathed, after a moment. She was starting to calm down now. "Are you?"

"Mentally or physically?" He sat up, rubbing his head.

"Both." She murmured, sitting up as well.

"I could be better." He said in the same tone. "I could be dead, too."

"She was the reason Amelia nearly drowned, she was the reason William died, I can't... I'm sorry, but I can't feel guilty for what happened." She shook her head.

He stared at her. "She what?"

"She was behind all of that. Everything to Silence did to us..." She swallowed, not wanting to go into the details, "She was bragging about it and..." She trailed off.

His regret was knocked out of him and he scrambled to his feet. "Where are the girls?"

"Arthur and the girls are with Jack at the Hub." She stood, already heading for the controls. They started piloting as quickly as they could, the TARDIS shaking with the flight.

As soon as they landed, River ran out the doors, eager to see her children. The Doctor followed at an equal pace.

The Hub seemed empty, but soon there was giggling from upstairs. River darted up the stairs, relieved to hear giggling. The parents came into Jack's office, finding that their daughters had convinced Jack to let them put makeup on him. He looked rather like a clown.

River laughed when she saw him, "Jack, you look wonderful!"

"Arthur thinks I look terrifying. He won't let me pick him up!" The man laughed.

"Where is he?" She asked, looking around the room.

Jack pointed to the baby carrier seated on one of the side desks. "He's been fussy, but the girls helped me calm him."

"Oh, hello, my love." River smiled, walking around and lifting the baby up out of the carrier.

Arthur made a nearly toothless grin, kicking his legs out and gurgling. River pressed kisses all over his face, bringing him over to the Doctor.

"There's my little man." The Doctor smiled, taking his son from River and cradling him close.

"Did you and Daddy save the world?" Amelia hopped over to her parents, letting Freya finish Jack's makeover.

"Yes, we most certainly did." River smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "

From what?" She asked.

"Don't worry about it." She murmured.

The girl nodded, "Does this mean we can go back to school now?"

"Of course, if that's what you want to do."

"Not before giving your Daddy a hug." The Doctor added, crouching to his daughter's' level.

She hugged him tightly, eager to get back to school. Arthur waved his hands greedy towards Amelia.

"You too, Freya. Come give me hug."

Freya, finally finished with Jack's makeover, hopped over to hug him as well.

He smiled widely with his children safe in his arms. What happened today wasn't something he'd hoped to repeat, but they were what he was fighting for. They would always be what he was fighting for, and he'd slaughter half the universe before letting them get hurt. "River?"

"Hmm?" She was watching the scene with a warm heart, smiling widely.

"I want another one."

She laughed softly, "How about we talk about it after we take the girls to school, yeah?"

He nodded. "Alright lovies, back to your field trip."

"Yay!" The girls ran back into the TARDIS, followed by River.

The Doctor paused before going. "Thank you, Jack."

Jack gave him a salute, "No problem!"

He nodded a thanks then joined his family in the TARDIS.


	14. Roses are Red

**Ch 14**

 _It was before bed that night when River brought it up again. He was only being playful, but it was still something she'd had on her mind since he mentioned it. They were in bed and he was examining her wrist._

 _"It looks good as new."_

 _She smiled softly, "Yes, I'm happy I didn't have to wait for them to heal on their own."_

 _"Me, too." He agreed, pressing a kiss to the pulse point on her wrist._

 _"Can we talk about something?" She asked._

 _"You mean what I mentioned before?" Apparently it had been on his mind too._

 _She nodded, moving her hand so it rested in his._

 _"I didn't mean terribly soon. " He clarified, watching their interlocked hands. "Arthur is still a baby and the girls only just started school... but if it's something we wanted to do, or if it just happened, then I would be on board." He looked up at her._

 _She opened her mouth to say something, hesitating._

 _"Riv?" He asked softly. "You can say no."_

 _She sighed, "I'm not defiantly saying no, I just think we need to talk about this more in depth."_

 _"Now or later?" He wondered._

 _"Now, if you don't mind." She murmured._

 _"I don't mind." He smiled encouragingly and sat up straighter, looking quite attentive._

 _"Well, to start, our flat only has three bedrooms." She murmured, unsure of how to voice her feelings._

 _He paused, seeming to go ever the blueprints in his head. "Oh yeah. Well, that's not too hard to fix."_

 _"How are we going to do that?" She asked quietly._

 _He shrugged. "We can convert one of the rooms, Arthur could have a roommate, we could renovate, use the TARDIS, or we could move."_

 _"I don't want to move." She pulled a blanket higher. "And we can't wait too long to have another one."_

 _"We don't have to move. It was only a suggestion." He assured. "How long is too long?"_

 _"Well, I don't really want to girls to have to adjust to another baby now that they're starting to get older. Two years, I think, is too long."_

" _So you think if we were to have another, it should be soon." He stated._

 _She nodded slowly, "Don't you?"_

 _"Well, sure. Soon is fine."_

 _"Do you think we'd be able to handle four?"_

 _"We've handled the universe blowing up. I think four kids won't be much harder."_

 _She swallowed, "I don't know if I can do it."_

 _"Then you can say no." He reminded gently. "I'm not going to kick and scream."_

 _"But I don't want to say no." She squeezed his hand._

 _"Then don't pressure yourself to say yes right this instant. I sort of sprung this on you, but you said two years. That's plenty of time to think about it, talk about it more..." He kissed her nose. "Decide later."_

 _She sighed, burying her head into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her there for a good moment, breathing her in._

 _"Do you want to sleep now?" She asked quietly._

 _"Absolutely." He yawned. "Nothing makes you miss your bed like for days on a concrete floor."_

 _She settled under the blankets, nuzzling his cheek_

 _"I love you." He whispered._

 _"I love you too." She breathed, giving him a soft kiss._

* * *

The months flew by, the girls adapting to school well and the Timelord family finding a nice balance between their adventurous lifestyle and their human home. The days grew colder as winter began to settle in and soon enough was getting ready to leave again.

River had fallen asleep with Arthur during his afternoon nap one day on the couch in front of the fireplace.

The Doctor had spent most of the day cutting out various colored, paper hearts. It was Valentine's day and upon the girl's insistence, and a bit of his own, decorations were in order. He'd just finished making River a ridiculously sappy card, when he wandered into the living room to find her and their son. Rather than wake them, he tucked a blanket around the two and settled on the floor in front of the fire. The girls were in school, so it was just the three of them in the house.

River stirred as the blanket was placed around her, yawning and looking around until she saw her husband. He didn't notice that she was awake yet, eye still fixed on the small fire. She nudged him with her foot lightly, staying quiet so Arthur would remain asleep.

He turned, smiling at her. "Nice nap?"

She nodded, smiling back at him. He handed her the card her made, shifting to lean against the couch. She read the card, smiling at the words, "Thank you, my love." She murmured.

He leaned up and kissed her nose. "I doubt that'll be the last one you get today." She laughed softly, shifting the baby in her arms, "Your son made a mess in his room this morning."

"Why is he always _my_ son when he makes a mess?" He teased.

Arthur mumbled, but didn't wake. River giggled, rubbing Arthur's back lightly, "He's not your son only when he makes a mess. He's also your son when he needs to be changed."

The Doctor laughed softly. "And _your_ son when he accidentally makes a bad word with his blocks."

She laughed again, nuzzling the top of Arthur's head, "Fair enough."

The Doctor reached his hand up and stroked Arthur's cheek. Arthur cooed, his eyes opening slightly. "Did you enjoy your nap, too?" The Doctor bubbled. His son nuzzled into River's chest, yawning and cooing. "Now there's a sight I'll never get tired of."

River smiled, pressing a kiss to his head. "I've been thinking about...another one."

He looked up at her. "You have?"

She nodded, "I think I want to do it."

"Any reason behind that?" He asked coolly, though he was quite excited.

"I don't know." She breathed, "Ever since we've started talking about it, it's been on my mind and now, our family feels… unfinished without another one."

He beamed at her, leaning up her kiss her lips this time.

"Happy Valentine's Day." She murmured against his lips.

"Indeed." He grinned.

Arthur squirmed, feeling squished. "Would you like getting a new little brother or sister?" River asked him, adjusting his position so he wasn't so tightly between them.

He waved his arms and giggled. He didn't understand what River said, but he knew responding the way he did to the tone she used was usually met with something interesting or rewarding.

River laughed, giving him kisses all over his face. He let out a small squeal, squirming. "Would you like to go see your Daddy?" She asked, passing the baby to the Doctor.

The Doctor held Arthur above his head, eliciting another high pitched noise from the baby.

"If you want, we can start trying tonight." River purred in the Doctor's ear.

"Do we have a sitter?" He looked over at her, lowering his soon to his chest.

"No, but we can do it after the kids go to bed."

"Only if you're quiet." He teased. "Which reminds me, is it my day to pick them up, or yours?"

"Neither, Clara said she'd drop them off." She smiled, nipping his ear.

He blushed. "Be prepared to get covered in hearts. The girls are very festive."

"Now who's fault is that?" She hummed, busy pressing kisses down his neck. Arthur caught fistful of River's hair, gleefully giving it a tug. "Ow!" River winced, "Arthur, gentle!" She tried to pry his hand away from her hair.

"I think he's trying to tell you that he shares his sisters' opinions on us kissing." The Doctor helped detach the boy's hand from River's hair.

"Well, nobody's going to be getting another baby without any kissing." She murmured.

"Don't worry, love. You can kiss me all you want after we put the kids to bed." He assured.

She pouted, "I don't know if I can wait that long."

"Well, you said Clara is coming with the girls. We could ask her to stay and watch them for a little bit."

"I don't want to keep her. I actually think she has a date tonight. I suppose I'll be able to wait if I must."

"Is she going out with that P.E teacher?" He asked.

She nodded, "Maths, and I think so."

"We should invite them for tea soon." He suggested.

"That would be nice." She kissed his cheek, "Which reminds me, we're supposed to have tea with Vastra tomorrow."

"I'll bet she has that tea that helps with your morning sickness." He pointed out.

"Yes, but I don't need it just yet. You're going to have to actually get me pregnant before we start worrying about that." She smiled.

"That's a two person job." He reminded, giving her a kiss.

She laughed against his lips, "Yes, it is. I don't want anyone to know that we're going to try again. We can tell Vastra, but no one else."

"And why is that?"

"I just want to keep it private for now. After what happened the last time, I want it to stay between us." She breathed.

He nodded. "I don't think Arthur will blab about it."

She laughed softly, "No, I'm sure he won't."

"And River?" He added. "It won't be like last time."

"Or the time before that." She added, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Yes, it won't be like that either." He promised.

She closed her eyes sighing, "I know."

He kissed the top of her head. "Good."

"Uhn! Uhn!" Arthur kicked his feet, starting to get fussy.

"Don't worry, lovie. I haven't forgotten about you." The Doctor offered Arthur his finger, who immediately attempted to stick the digit in his mouth.

River smiled weakly, "The girls won't be home for another two hours or so. We could take Arthur to the park down the street."

"Hmm, but I'm so cozy." He hummed.

"Well, I suppose we could stay here." She glanced out the window, watching the snow fall.

They watched the snow fall for a long while as they stayed in their cozy corner. They switched off who was holding Arthur from time to time and the Doctor tended to the fire.

When the girls came home, they were absolutely covered in snow, clearly having had played in it on their way there. Their noses and cheeks were pink with the cold and they were asking for hot chocolate.

The Doctor offered for Clara to have some tea, but as River predicted, she elected to go home and prepare for her evening. He took care of the girls and soon they were cozied up with River and the Doctor by the fire.

They ended up watching a movie, the girls wanting to sit in the Doctor's lap. About halfway through, they decided they wanted to continue cutting out hearts, hopping off the couch and getting out all of the arts and craft supplies they could find. Once they had about 30 hearts cut out, they ran around the house pasting them on the walls and pinning them to everyone's clothes.

"Told you it wouldn't be the end of the hearts." The Doctor murmured.

River hummed, "Girls, can you settle down? Your brother is trying to sleep." She asked, "How about you go play with Toby in the snow?"

"Actually," The Doctor added, "You've got to clean up your craft, and then you can go play."

The girls nodded, cleaning up the mess they had made before going out to the backyard. River and the Doctor made dinner while the girls played, calling them in when it was ready. They chattered away about the little Valentine's party they'd had at school with lollipops.

Eventually it was time to brush teeth and the Doctor helped the girls get ready for bed while River tended to Arthur who'd woken up crying.

Finally, the kids were asleep and they were both in their own bedroom. River was laying on the bed, sighing softly and closing her eyes.

The Doctor settled next to her. "Tired?"

"Yes, a bit." She murmured, turning on her side to look at him.

"Not to much I hope." He teased softly.

She laughed, "No, not too much. It is Valentine's Day after all..."

"And traditions are traditions." He added, leaning to kiss her.

She kissed him back, gently nipping at his lip. He pulled her close, pressing flush against her. She deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around him. He returned the gesture, chuckling as he suddenly turned them so she was lying on top of him. Her kisses moved from his mouth to his jaw to is neck, her lips leaving small love bites in their wake.

He hummed at the pleasant sensation, reaching to pull her top off. She assisted him in taking off her top before returning to the previous task, sucking on his pulse point. "Mm, Riv..." He breathed, turning his chin up to expose his neck better. She hummed against his neck, causing his skin to vibrate. He moaned softly, hands going to roam her skin.

She smiled, moving to the other side of his neck and repeating the action. He avariciously grabbed her bum in response. She gasped, giving him a small nip in return.

He caught her lips with his own again, starting to work her her trousers off. She now started on his shirt, sucking on his lower lip. Soon, all articles of clothes had been tossed onto the floor.

The Doctor pushed his hips up teasingly. River shivered, her eyes growing dark. Stilling holding her against him, he suddenly lurched them up into a sitting position, so her legs were wrapped around his hips. She yelped at the sudden movement, clinging to him. He chuckled. "Alright there?"

She nodded, "Yes, you just startled me."

"Not so bad now, is it." He teased.

"And now I can do this." He grinned then leaned his head down to her chest, pressing an open mouthed kiss to the top her her sternum. She moaned, pressing her body into him. He dragged his mouth even lower, pulling one of her breasts between his lips.

She whimpered, rolling her hips towards his. He pushed his hips against her in response, this time slipping into her. She moaned, grinding her hips roughly into his. He grunted, hands all over her back and hips.

They set a pace quickly, moving and bouncing in sync. Her nails raked down his back, her hips rolling roughly into his. His brought his touch forwards, working her chest with his hands and mouth. She sucked on his neck once more, her movements growing more and more desperate.

He shifted them yet again, lowering her to the bed and bracing his hands on either side of her head. She moaned into his mouth as she kissed him, arching her body up to his.

The kiss was heavy and passionate, hot breath against each other's skin. He pushed into her harder, able to get more leverage. "Doctor!" She cried, trying to muffle her moans against his skin, holding him so tightly she was almost hovering over the bed.

"Hush, you'll wake the children." He panted, though was having trouble containing his own sounds of pleasure.

She let out a breathy laugh, "I'll try my best." She murmured, nipping his earlobe.

Heat grew low in him, his movements getting more frantic. She was growing more and more desperate for him as well, clawing at the skin of his back. "Nnh, River." He groaned. She rolled her hips roughly into his in response.

His control was slipping, his hips losing rhythm. She encouraged him to let go, grinding her body against his. He buried his face in her hair, the cry of her name muffled. His movements stuttered as his orgasm crashed over him.

Her body shook as her climax hit hard. She too buried her face against him in an effort to muffle the noise.

He lay breathing heavily on top of her for a moment before lifting his head and kissing her nose. "Happy Valentines Day, wife."

"Happy Valentine's Day." She purred, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"If our baby is born in November, you'll know exactly what night she happened." He grinned.

"She?" She smiled.

"Call it a guess." He finally rolled off her, settling beside her.

She curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest, "If it is a girl, what will we name her?" She already had a name in mind, but she wanted to know what he would say.

"Didn't we agree on Terra?" He asked.

She nodded, smiling, "Yes, I just wanted to see if you remembered." She murmured. "Do you still like it?"

"Yes." He nodded, wrapping his arms around her.

"And will her full name still be Terra Aurora Song or will we change her middle name since we have Arthur?"

"I think we can think about it more when we actually know we're having a baby." He kissed her shoulder. She nodded, pulling the blanket over them and closing her eyes. "Night, love." He whispered.

"Goodnight." She murmured back.


	15. Spring

**Ch 15**

The days began to get warmer and the snow became slush, much to the girls' and Toby's delight. Mud always caked their shoes, yet still the carpet managed to stay clean. Winter boots were replaced with rain boots and sneakers and the sun was out more often than not.

The girls decided to make it a project to help River with the back garden, though half of it was an excuse to go to the flower shop. The only thing that seemed to not be changing with coming Spring was flu season.

Unfortunately, the whole Song family had been hit with a raging case of the flu. While the girls were finally getting better, River and Arthur were still in middle of it. River was trying to balance taking care of her sick daughter's along with the sick baby all while being under the weather herself.

The house had been on lockdown ever since the girls came home with the sickness and the family hadn't left the house in nearly a week. The Doctor and River often switched off who was taking care of who.

Today, the girls were well enough to be left alone for short amounts of time, though it also happened to be one of days River was hardest hit with the illness. The Doctor did his best to tend to her and Arthur, generally keeping them in the same room for efficiency, though he already had to change the sheets once.

"Doctor, really, I'm not that sick." She insisted for about the hundredth time, trying to get out of bed. "You need help."

"Really, River, I've got him." He insisted, as was his regular response. He was rocking Arthur, sitting in a chair near their bed. "And you need to stay resting. You'll never get better if you don't rest."

"Did the girls get lunch yet? I can make them lunch." She offered, feeling useless just laying in bed.

"I've got water on a timer. You're just going to make yourself nauseous again."

"Alright, alright fine." She whispered, settling back down. "How is he?" She asked, nodding to the baby.

"Having a hard time settling." He sighed.

"Let me try." She sat up slowly, holding her arms out.

He stood and deposited a whining Arthur in her arms.

"Shhhh." She murmured, rubbing the baby's back. "It's alright, Mumma's got you." She whispered, holding his fevered body against hers. He still didn't settle, stomach turning. "I know, I know, sweetie." She whispered, continuing to rub his back, holding him still as to not further upset his stomach.

"I'll get a towel." The Doctor volunteered, thinking Arthur was going to retch again.

River nodded, feeling rather nauseous herself. He quickly ran to grab a towel, getting back in time for Arthur to throw up all over himself then burst into a crying fit.

"Okay, okay." River breathed, trying to get as little sick on her as possible, the smell of it making her stomach churn, "I bet you feel much better now." She kissed the top of his head.

Arthur was too busy crying over it to acknowledge her words. The Doctor quickly discarded the towel into the laundry bin. "I think it's time for another bath for him."

"I'll come sit with you." She breathed, starting to get up, the crying baby still in her arms.

"Are you sure you should be getting up?" He asked warily.

"Of course I'm sure. I have a little stomach bug, I'm not dying." She breathed, getting to her feet.

"That doesn't mean you don't need to take care of yourself." He filled the sink up with water, taking the baby from River.

"I _am_ taking care of myself." She insisted, "However, children come before parents, and I want to be here to help you. You know how fussy he gets during his bath time."

"Fine." He gave in, undressing the infant and putting him in the little sink bath.

River tried to entertain the baby and keep him from crying too much while the Doctor cleaned him up. Arthur stayed relatively calm, though it was mostly because he was too exhausted to throw much of a fit.

"We're going to take a nice nap after-" She cut herself off, rushing to the toilet to throw up.

"I tried to warn you." The Doctor murmured. She glared at him. "Do you want some saltines?" He offered.

She shook her head, leaning forward to throw up again.

He rinsed Arthur off a final time then swaddled him in a fluffy, clean towel. Tucking the boy in one arm, the Doctor moved to hold his wife's hair back with his free hand.

"Really, I'm fine." She panted, once she was finally done throwing up.

"You're sick. I know you've had much worse before, but that doesn't mean you're in any condition to be trying to do more than lie in bed and taking something to help settle your stomach. Ginger ale might do the trick if you're willing." He added.

She sighed, "Alright, fine. I'll have the ginger ale." She stood, slowly heading back to bed.

He handed Arthur over to her once she was settled, "Be right back, love." He kissed her forehead then headed down to the kitchen.

"Take your time." She murmured.

The Doctor tended to the cooking, set a timer, and grabbed a ginger ale for River before moving to check on his daughters. The girls were bundled up in blankets, coloring.

"Doing alright, kiddos?" Freya nodded, but Amelia shook her head.

"My tummy hurts again." She sniffed, wiping her runny nose on her blanket.

"When was your last Tylenol?" He asked.

She shrugged, "After we finished the movie." That had been about an hour ago.

"Hm, do you want to try a ginger ale? It can help." He offered her.

She shook her head, "I want to take a nap."

"Tell you what: How about you eat lunch first, then come join Mummy and your brother for a nap?"

She nodded, starting to get up. The Doctor stayed down stairs with them and waited for the food to be ready. He prepared some macaroni and ate with the girls. Amelia began to fall asleep as they ate, her head drooping lower and lower until she was fast asleep, face first in her bowl.

The Doctor chuckled and scooped her up, wiping her face clean. "What about you Freya, can you make it all the way up stairs?"

Freya nodded, crawling off her chair and heading up the stairs. The Doctor followed with Amelia in his arms as they went to his bedroom.

"River?" He knocked first. "You've got some napping mates."

Arthur was in his bedside crib, but River wasn't in the bed anymore, back in the bathroom throwing up again. He sighed and placed Amelia in the bed, Freya crawling in after her sister.

The Doctor remembered he'd left the ginger ale downstairs, ran to get it, then returned to go tend to River. By the time he got back, she was sitting on the floor, trying to catch her breath.

"The girls are napping on our bed." He handed over the drink.

"Thanks." She murmured, taking a sip of the drink.

"What about the baby?"

"In his crib" He told her.

She nodded, starting to stand. She wasn't yet on her feet when she started feeling woozy and had to sit again.

"River, you've been like this for a week and you're much worse than the girls..." He fretted. "Maybe we should run some tests."

She shook her head, "No, no. Honestly, I think it's getting better now."

He sat next to her, his expression showing he didn't believe her. "Can you even make it to the door without getting dizzy?"

"Well that's not fair. Just because I'm dizzy now does not mean I'm not getting better." She took his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"No, but it does mean you could have something more serious than the stomach bug. You're quite pale..."

"Doctor, please. I don't want to have an argument." She sighed.

"Alright, alright. I'm just worried." He admitted.

"Yes, I know." She murmured, "I promise, I'm fine. Just trust me." She stood slowly, "I need to make a phone call."

"To whom?" He asked.

"Vastra. I promised her I'd call."

"Oh." He nodded.

She stood, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, "I'll be right back. How about you lay with the kids and I'll join you in a few minutes?"

He nodded again, going back to their room and joining his children.

River went to the other room, dialing the number. Vastra picked up on the other end. "Hello?"

"Vastra, hello." River smiled weakly, happy to hear her friend.

"Ah, River. I was hoping that was you." She smiled through the phone.

"Oh? And why is that? Have you missed me?" She laughed softly.

"Of course I have. That, and concern since you informed me your children were ill."

"Ah, yes, well they're doing much better now. The girls should be back in school soon and Arthur is my little warrior." River cleared her throat, voice dropping to a lower level, "I was actually calling to ask you something."

"A favor?"

"Well, sort of. I was wondering if you had any more of that tea that's supposed to help with...morning sickness?"

"Yes I-... Morning sickness?" Vastra realized in shock.

She laughed softly, "Yes, morning sickness."

"Do you mean to say you're going to have another child?" Vastra asked with growing excitement.

"Yes, I do. But you mustn't tell anyone, you're the only one that knows right now."

"I'm honored, but why tell me first and not your husband?" She asked.

"I don't know if I'm ready for him to know." River whispered, smile fading, "I don't think I'm ready for _anyone_ to know, but I needed to talk to someone and you're the one person I trust as must as him."

"May I ask what it is you fear?" She threaded carefully.

River let out a shaky sigh, sitting down on the floor. "I don't know if we're going to be able to do it. We're already so busy with the three, I can't imagine what it's going to be like with another baby. I think we should have talked about it more, but I didn't think it would happen right away. I thought we'd have more time..." She swallowed, "I don't know if I really want it. I suppose it's too late to decide I don't want another now, but..." She buried her head in her free hand, trying to calm down, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be unloading everything on you like this. I just need to find a way to be happy about this before I tell the Doctor."

"Unloading is exactly what I'm here for." Vastra replied gently, deciding not to question further. "I believe you are making the right decision to find yourself an anchor before you inform the Doctor, but I would recommend finding it quickly. You are clever, but so is the Doctor and he may discover what you're hiding long before you want him to. Travel could help and my door will always be open to you. Perhaps... focusing more on your child and less on how you'll manage it."

"Yes, I know." She sighed, "Thank you so much for listening. I should go before he comes looking for me."

"You can stop by anytime for the tea. It was lovely talking to you. And for what it's worth, congratulations."

"Thank you." River whispered, "I'll see you soon." She hung up the phone, sighing. Arthur started crying from upstairs. River slowly got up, running upstairs to tend to the baby.

Arthur was squirming in his crib, one of the cat's having jumped in with him.

"No! No! Get out of here." River shooed the cat away, scooping Arthur up to comfort him. "It's alright. Shhh, you're alright." She whispered, carrying him out of the room.

He calmed when in his Mum's arms, whining a little and curling to her chest.

"Shhh, shhhh." She continued to murmur, rubbing his back. "Are you hungry or do you just want to sleep?"

He pushed against her again, indicating he wanted food.

"Okay, let's go sit first." She carried him to the nursery, sitting down in the rocking chair before getting ready to feed him.

The Doctor came in just then. "Finished your phone call?"

She nodded, holding Arthur up to her breast to feed, "She invited me to spend some time with her once I get better."

"Oh. For how long?" He frowned slightly, thinking the offer was was strangely spontaneous.

She shrugged, "She, Jenny and Strax have been working on a case for a while now. It involves some ancient artifacts and they thought I might like to help." She kept her tone casual.

"Nothing like an archaeologist's touch." He teased, moving to peer over her shoulder at their son. "But you won't be gone for too long, will you?"

"No, I promise I won't be gone too long." She smiled up at him, feeling Arthur shift so he was resting comfortably against her warm skin as he ate.

"Who's going to keep me warm at night, then?" He chuckled, kissing her cheek.

"You have three children that I'm sure will be happy to snuggle with you while I'm gone." She laughed softly.

"I get the kids all to myself." He grinned. "Lucky me."

"Ah, so now you're happy to see me go?" She teased.

"No, but there's a good and a bad side to everything, isn't there?" He pointed out.

Her smile faded just slightly, "Yes, I suppose so..."

Arthur wiggled one of his arms and reached up with grabbing hands.

"What is it my love?" River asked, letting him grab onto her finger. He let his arm back down, refusing to let go of her finger as he nursed. She smiled down at him, "Will you miss me if I go to Auntie Vastra's?"

He tried to make a noise, but milk spilled out of his mouth.

"Oh, dear!" River laughed softly, reaching for a cloth to clean up the mess.

"I think that's a yes." The Doctor decided.

She nodded, letting Arthur finish eating. "I was thinking, perhaps now that it's finally getting warm again, we can take the girls on the camping trip they've wanted to try."

"I didn't think you liked camping." He pointed out.

"Oh, I don't, but the girls have been asking and I think I can manage to suck up my detest for camping for a weekend." She shrugged.

"Well first you'll need to get better. And you have that thing with Vastra. How about the next three day weekend the girls have?" He suggested.

She nodded, "Yes, that sounds good. When is it?"

"End of the month? I'll have to check a calendar." He shrugged.

"Right, we can plan it more later." She shifted Arthur so he could be burped.

"I can do that if you want." He offered.

"No, it's alright. I've got it." River smiled weakly.

"You look a bit less pale." He observed.

"I feel better actually." She nodded.

"Oh you won't be leaving so soon, will you?" He put on a pout.

"The sooner I leave, the sooner I'll be back." She pointed out.

"Hmm." He considered. "It's just awfully short notice."

"I'm excited, that's all." She shrugged.

"Well you haven't been doing archaeology for a while." He recalled.

"And that's exactly why I'm so excited to go."

"I'm quite glad for you, though I'd like you not to leave until at least tomorrow. I just want to make sure your fever is down."

"Doctor, I'm fine." She whispered, "I don't need any more monitoring."

He sighed. "You were turning up your guts less than an hour ago... but it's your call."

"If I'm too sick, I'll come home." She stood, "But I really want to go, and I should pack."

The Doctor took Arthur, who immediately started complaining. "Alright, but you should expect calls. If not from me than from the girl's saying hello."

"Of course." She leaned over to kiss his cheek, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." He caught her around her waist, pulling her into a hug.

She hugged him tightly, burying her face in his neck.

Arthur whined and the Doctor chuckled. "He's going to miss you too."

River smiled, cupping the baby's cheek, "I'll miss you terribly, my sweet. Don't worry, there's plenty of milk in the fridge for you."

Arthur grabbed for her again, whining becoming more sad.

"It's alright." She pressed a kiss to his forehead, "Mummy will be back soon."

"The girls are still sleeping." The Doctor said. "Do you need help packing?"

She nodded, "Yes, that would be nice."

He offered a smile and followed her to their room. She grabbed her suitcase out of the closet, gathering some normal clothes before heading into the TARDIS to get some Victorian style dresses.

The Doctor found her archaeology tools, her scanner, and her dairy and packed them for her. He also woke the girls to come say bye to her.

The girls were confused, wondering why River was leaving so suddenly. "Why can't we come?" They asked, meeting her in the console room.

"Because you have school." She kissed each of their heads, "And you know we must try to be as linear as possible with school. I shan't be gone long and you can phone me every morning when you wake up and every night before bed."

"But how long are you going?" Freya frowned, wanting an exact number.

"Well, I don't know yet. That all depends on how much work Auntie Vastra has for me."

"Will it be more than a few days? A whole week?" She fretted, not letting the subject go.

"It won't be more than a week." River took the girl into a big hug, "I'm just a phone call away if you need me."

Freya buried her face against River with a sad sort of sigh. Amelia joined in the hugging. They hugged for a good few minutes before finally pulling apart.

River gathered her things, insisting that the TARDIS could drop her off by herself and that she didn't want to risk them returning on the wrong day and messing up the time streams.

The Doctor and the girls moved to just outside the door. "Last kiss for the road?" He asked.

She leaned in, giving him a deep, long kiss, "I'll see you soon."

"Looking forwards to it." She waved before closing the door and piloting off to Vastra's.


	16. A Little Help From My Friends

**[A/N:** I'm going to put a **trigger warning** here (a bit spoiler-y, but if you have trigger's you should read): There are a lot of themes around abortion, unwanted pregnancy, and unhealthy relationships (== this theme starts off very mild and will grow to extremes later, aka, calling out on emotional pressuring and manipulation, so sorry!) in this and in a lot of future chapters so read at your own discretion.]

 **Ch 16**

River was greeted at Vatsra's house with the tea she'd been earlier promised. River pulled her bags out of the TARDIS, then moved to hug her friend, "Is it horrible that I've just left my family?"

"I wouldn't call this leaving them. You have intent of returning, don't you?" Vastra asked. "This is simply... A break for mental recuperation and a lot of the time that is most effective when away from family." She added.

She nodded, "Yes, I suppose you're right."

Vastra smiled, "Why don't you sit down, relax a little, and tell me all you didn't over the phone."

River sat, sitting down across from Vastra, taking her tea. She closed her eyes, sitting back and gathering her thoughts before speaking again, "What would you like to know?"

"Over the phone, you said you didn't expect it to happen so soon. Was the child intentional?"

"Yes, in a way." She murmured, "We talked about it, and we agreed it was something we both wanted, though I don't think I gave myself enough time to consider it."

"And now it's something you don't want?" Vastra asked.

"I don't know." She sighed, taking a long sip of her tea, "There are some days when I'm so happy that there'll be another one, but most days...I don't want our family to change."

"Are you implying that you think another child will create a negative change?"

She nodded slowly, "The girls don't seem to want another sibling, and we already have so much less time with them now that we have Arthur...I don't think I made a wise decision."

"How far along are you?" Vastra set down her tea.

"Nearly four months." She whispered. Under linear circumstances she'd be just over two months, but River had been taking the TARDIS out for days at a time and coming back only seconds after she left.

"And when did you discover you were pregnant?"

"Almost immediately." She glanced down at her tea, "I was running tests to check my fertility levels two or three weeks after we started trying and..."

"I see." She seemed to be pondering. "Pardon my asking, but did you try anything to... intervene?"

"What do you mean?" Her eyes flickered back to meet her friends.

Vastra hesitated, trying to keep her words delicate. "Have you done anything to... stop this pregnancy."

There was a long pause before she answered, her gaze once again no longer meeting Vastra's, "I considered it...and I almost did, but..." She sighed, ashamed of her response, "If the Doctor ever found out, I can't imagine what he would say. He would be so upset..."

Vastra reached her hand across the table in a comforting gesture. "When you _do_ tell him, what state of mind would you like yourself to be in?"

"I'd like to be more accepting of the situation, but I'm starting to fear that that will not be the case."

"You came here to change how you feel. You _want_ this change to happen and therefore, with effort, it will. As your friend, I want to help you achieve this as best I can however I can. ...Does the Doctor know you're here?" She added the question.

"Yes," River nodded, "I told him I was helping you with a case and that it wouldn't take more than a week."

"Though if you need some more time, the TARDIS is at your disposable." Vastra pointed out.

"Yes, but I'm afraid time isn't on my side in this situation. I'm already starting to show, and the longer I wait to tell him, the more upset the Doctor will be that I kept it from him."

"We'll work quickly then. But your progress won't stop when you leave. This will be something you need to work on continuously through this pregnancy." Vastra informed her.

"I know." She breathed, drinking the last of her tea.

"Feeling a little better?"

"Physically? Yes. Mentally?" She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I don't know yet."

"Well I only meant physically. Why don't you go with Jenny and she'll help you settle in the guest room." Vastra offered.

She nodded, "Thank you."

Jenny took River's bags and led her to the guest room. She helped set up the bed and show River where things were before letting her have some privacy.

River unpacked her things slowly, before sitting on the bed, trying to collect her thoughts and work through everything that was happening. It seemed like a short time, but must have been longer since Vastra came in after a while saying that dinner was ready. River nodded, going downstairs with her to eat with the rest of the group.

Afterwards, Vastra and River continued their conversation, going into depths on all that they could.

"Have you had any prenatal care yet?" Vastra asked at one point.

"No, not really. I've taken a few supplements here and there, but not as much as I should be taking."

"Strax and I can help out with that while you're here. He can even do an ultrasound." She offered.

"I don't want anyone besides you knowing." River shook her head, "I don't want anyone else knowing before the Doctor does."

"If that is the case, I can operate Strax's equipment on my own. If you'd like me to, that is."

She nodded slowly, "I suppose that would be alright."

"We can start the tomorrow if you're tired." Vastra suggested.

She shook her head, "No, I'm not tired." She was about to say something more when Jenny popped in.

"Professor Song, your children are on the line."

"Oh, excuse me one moment, Vastra." River jumped up, going to talk to the girls.

They greeted her jubilantly on the other end. Getting to use the phone was a treat to them. They told her that the Doctor said they could go to school the next day but Arthur was still sick so Clara was going to take them.

"That sounds wonderful! Make sure you ask your teacher about what you missed. Have you eaten dinner yet?"

"Daddy made our favorite!" Frey a chirped.

"Oh, good!" She smiled, "Remember to brush your teeth before you go to sleep."

"Will you be home tomorrow?" Amelia interrupted.

"No, I'm afraid not, my love."

"Aw!" They both pouted.

"I promise I'll be home soon, just not tomorrow." She whispered.

"The next day?" They asked hopefully.

"Probably not. I probably won't be home until next week."

"But that's so long!" They complained. "Arthur's never been without you for that long."

"I'll try to get home sooner." River soothed.

"We'll take care of him." Freya promised.

"Thank you my sweet." She smiled, "You two should get to bed now, you have to get up early for school."

"Daddy wants a turn first." Amelia said.

"Alright, go brush your teeth and pick out a book while you wait for him"

They nodded. "G'night mummy! Love you!" With that they handed the phone off to their father.

"How's the baby?" River asked, once he got on the phone.

"He tired himself out an hour ago. My guess is that he'll wake me up tonight, though." The Doctor responded.

"Did you put his blanket in the crib with him? He may not wake you up if you did." She tried to offer.

"I did, but if he throws up on it it won't do any good to my sleep."

She sighed, feeling guilty for leaving him alone with the three kids, "I'm sorry. Do you need me to come home?"

"No, I can handle it." He tried to say with as much confidence as he could. "Don't worry yourself over it."

"Are you sure?" She asked, one hand falling to her stomach.

"Absolutely." He grinned through the phone. "Just you watch, he'll be back to health by the time you come back."

She smiled, "I'm sure he will be."

"Maybe you'll be better too. I know Vastra's got herbs to help with the flu." He recalled.

She laughed weakly, "Yes, she's already got me drinking all sorts of teas."

He chuckled. "Good thing you like tea."

"Yes, it's a good thing." She felt a sudden lurch in her stomach, the feeling nearly causing her to drop the phone.

The girls called him in the background. "The girls are calling, I guess I have to go now."

"Okay." She breathed, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Love you." He murmured.

"I love you too." River clicked off, going back to finish talking with Vastra.

"How is your family?" Vastra asked on her return.

"They're doing fine. It sounds like the girls are doing better, but Arthur's still sick." She sat down, her mind still on her family.

"Is this the first time your son's gotten sick?"

She nodded, "I shouldn't have left him..."

"It's only natural to worry, but I'm sure the Doctor will contact you if there are any problems." Vasra tried to comfort.

She shook her head, "I was so selfish to leave..." She buried her head in her hands, "I need to go back."

"Now, River..." Vastra reached her hand over. "You're not being selfish. you're making sure you're okay and by doing so you're being selfless to the child you are now carrying. I know that you care for your family and I'm sure you want to make sure this baby will have love from its mother. That's exactly why you're here." She offered a smile. "Stay the night, if you please? If you still feel this was in the morning that you should pack."

"Okay." River took a deep breath, trying to calm down, "I'll stay the night..."

"...Do you still want the ultrasound?" She asked.

"Yes. That would be nice." River nodded.

"Go lie down in your room, I'll get the equipment."

"Thank you."

Vastra stood, going to find Strax. River headed back to her room and lay down. Vastra joined a short while later, explaining that Strax had been reluctant to give up the equipment.

She nodded, "This will be the first time I'm actually going to see the baby."

Vastra smiled softly, hoping this would help River to her goal. She quickly set up the mechanism, placing it on River's middle. A projection of the fetus immediately sprung up from it.

As soon as the image was up, River closed her eyes, her body tensing. Vastra didn't notice for a moment, looking over the projection. "The fetus appears to be in fine health-... River, are you not going to look?"

"I don't want to. I can't."

Vastra brought her hand down and brushed River's shoulder comfortingly. "Why not?"

"I don't want to see it." She repeated.

"River... please just open your eyes." She urged.

"I can't do this without him."

Vastra silenced herself and stopped pushing, instead nodding and turning back to the examination. "The child is a bit small for how far along you are. I can get you started on prenatal vitamins."

She nodded, "Alright, if you must."

"You can tell the Doctor that they're something for the flu." She turned off the device and took it off River's stomach.

"Yes I suppose that'll do for a few days." She said with a sigh.

"It's... alright to open your eyes now." River slowly opened her eyes, relaxing. "You can keep this if you want." Vastra offered the device. "Less bulky than an ultrasound. I'm sure the Doctor will find it useful when you're ready to fill him in."

"Oh, no I don't want to take your machine." River shook her head.

"It's not mine, it belongs to Strax. But he won't miss it. He's got plenty of other toys." She insisted.

"Alright, if you insist."

Vastra smiled. "I'll leave you for the night. You need to rest."

"Goodnight, Vastra. Thank you for everything."

"My pleasure." She murmured, then left.

River curled up on her bed, trying to get a good night's rest.

The morning brought sunlight and smells of breakfast filtering into River's room. It was quiet and peaceful with the occasional bit of bird song. River hadn't gotten much sleep, spending most of the night up worrying about Arthur. She had re-packed her bags, then un-packed then re-packed once more. She was currently pacing the room, dressed in Victorian attire with a corset cinched tightly around her waist.

It was Vastra who came to see if she was awake, knocking on the door.

"Come in." River called sighing as she looked for her earring under the bed.

Vastra kept her expression warm as she entered, though faltered slightly when she saw River. "A corset? I don't think that's the most wise choice given your condition."

"I need it, my dresses won't fit without it." She murmured, avoiding her gaze.

She approached River with a soft tone. "Then we'll buy you looser ones and you may borrow a dress of mine."

"But I don't want anyone to see it." She breathed, " _I'm_ not ready to see it." She was referring to the bump that was becoming more visible by the day.

"My clothes with be loose enough until you get a dress that fits, and I'll make sure the tailor adjusts it to your wants. You may wear a coat or shawl in the meantime if it will make you feel more comfortable." She suggested.

She sighed, sitting down on the bed, hand brushing across her stomach, "A corset can't be that bad yet..."

Vastra sat next to her. "There is a reason your dresses don't fit correctly and needing to bind down to hide it is only further proving that you're at the point where a corset _is_ damaging." She was careful not to use the word 'baby' or anything the like.

"I'm probably not fitting into my dresses because I've been eating terrible foods lately." She tried to reason, "It's too early for me to be very big."

"Food doesn't grow that fast. Denying what is in front of you is not healthy for either of you. You're 15 weeks, aren't you?" "Just about..." She breathed, "But I'm not usually this big at this point."

"Only the more reason to take caution sooner rather than later." Vastra urged.

She sighed, "I don't understand how I can be this size when you said yesterday that the baby was small."

"Small baby doesn't always equate to small belly." She explained. "If you've been wearing the corset for as long as I think you have, than your body would take upon itself to protect the fetus and shield it; padding if you will. The more you wear the corset, the more your body tries to protect and the less room there is for the child."

River buried her head in her hands, suddenly feeling an overwhelming desire to see the Doctor, "Alright, I'll take it off."

Vastra put a hand on River's shoulder. "Thank you. There's breakfast waiting... when you're ready."

She nodded, waiting until Vastra was gone before heading to the TARDIS, not taking off her corset just yet. She wanted to go see the Doctor first.


	17. Unrequited

**Ch 17**

River made sure the TARDIS was silent, landing in the middle of the day when the girls would be at school and Arthur would be napping. Arthur was napping with the Doctor today, settled on this father's chest on the couch. Both were snoring softly.

River smiled softly at the scene, feeling a warmth in her stomach. She walked quietly over to her two boys, kissing the Doctor's head.

He shifted his head and stirred, eyes opening and lips curling into a smile. "Am I dreaming?"

"I'm afraid not." She smiled back at him, eyes shining.

"Well, it's just was pleasant either way." He whispered. "What are you doing home so early?"

"I'm not coming home just yet. I'm afraid this is only a quick visit since I missed you so terribly." She pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He turned his head and caught her lips. "Mm, I'm just that irresistible, aren't I."

"Yes, something like that." She smiled weakly, touching her nose to his temple.

"How's your find going?" He hummed.

She shook her head, "I don't want to talk about that. I just want to talk about us." She circled around the couch, going to sit next to him.

"Us?" He raised an eyebrow.

She nodded slowly, "Yes, us."

"What about us?" He asked.

She shrugged, dancing around the subject she had in mind, "Is there anything you want to discuss?"

He shook his head. "Arthur's been getting better. I think the peak of it was when you left."

"Good, I've been worried about him." She touched the baby's head gently, glad to see him sleeping so peacefully.

"I figured as much." He watched her carefully, seeing that there was clearly something on her mind.

"He's still so little." She murmured, more to herself than anything. It was another thing she had been worrying about, having another baby while their most recent one was still so young.

"Yes, babies tend to do that" He commented.

"I don't know if I want another baby."

He looked up at her. "Is that why you haven't told me about the pregnancy?"

"Excuse me?" She stared at him, shocked.

He adjusted Arthur in his arms, so he could sit up a little without disturbing the boy. "Is that why you haven't been ready to tell me about the baby because you don't know know if you want it?" He asked again, curious.

She laughed uncomfortably, "What are you talking about? What baby?"

"River, I live with you. I share a bed with you. I know the signs as well as you do and I figured it out a while ago." He paused. "...I'm sorry for mentioning it, I was trying to wait for you to be ready to tell me, but you just seemed so anxious about it."

She shook her head, "I have to go." She ran for the TARDIS.

"River..." He called after her and tried to get up, but Arthur jolted awake at the movement and started crying.

She locked herself in the ship, going to the controls and flying far, far away from their home. She didn't go back to Vastra either, she flew to the furthest place she could immediately think of, just wanting to get away from it all.

The Doctor sighed sadly, hushing Arthur. He should have just stuck to waiting for her to say it first instead of blurting out like he did. He'd thought that conversation was going to go better, but River was more afraid than he knew. "Do you think Mummy's going to be okay?" He directed the question at Arthur but knew the infant wouldn't understand.

Arthur sniffled, whining for his Mummy, looking around trying to see where she had gone.

"She's visiting your Auntie, remember?" He rocked him, though had a feeling River was somewhere else now.

He started crying again, wanting her back. _Talk to Mumma! Talk to Mumma!_ He wailed.

"She needs some space right now." He tried to explain.

 _Want Mumma!_ His cries grew louder when he didn't get what he wanted.

The Doctor shifted Arthur to one arm, getting up and calling Vastra. Arthur began to calm down now that the Doctor was going to the phone, thinking it meant his mummy would come back.

Vastra picked up on the line, "Hello?"

"It's the Doctor, sorry, when are you?" That was generally the first question he asked when dialing outside the time period.

"Well, River is currently working on an archeology case with me if that helps."

"Yes, good. Is she there?"

"No, I'm afraid she's not. She hasn't been here all day, I actually thought she was back with you."

"She was but... well I pushed her a bit far and I think I've quite upset her." He admitted.

"Why? What happened?" Vastra's tone turned very concerned, her mind trying to think of where River would have gone.

"I'm not sure if it's my place to say."

"I believe I already know what it's about." She sighed.

He took a moment to realize that the week River was going to spend away probably had more to do with the baby than the artifact. "Well, the thing is, I already knew about it and I told her that I knew, and she... she left."

"Oh, Doctor..." Vastra breathed.

"I shouldn't have pushed, but she was saying how she wasn't ready so I brought it up... I don't know. I'm an idiot and now I have no idea where she is." He was becoming more worried by the minute.

"We have to find her, she's not thinking clearly right now. She's been doing things she _knows_ aren't good for the baby." She spoke quickly, "I don't want her to end up making a rash decision that she'll regret."

"But how do we do it? I've got three kids to take care of who all think their Mum will be back and full of smiles in a few days. And I'm almost out of formula." He added.

"It's possible that she'll come back on her own." She struggled to keep the doubt out of her voice, "I can look for her for you."

"I have a feeling that if we don't find her soon, she'll be away for much longer than we planned." His shoulders slumped and he sighed again. "I'll call Clara and ask her to bring the girls over to Torchwood from school. I think we'll need Jack's equipment."

"I'll meet you at Torchwood." Vastra replied, "Don't worry, we'll find her." She added, before hanging up.

The Doctor spent the next couple of hours setting things up with the people in this time period. He called Clara and Jack, telling them both of the plan, but not telling them about the baby or other details. River deserved to have this be as confidential as possible. After that, he got Arthur ready to go with a diaper bag and the stroller, leaving the cats food but bringing Toby along. He stopped at the market on his way to pick up snacks and formula.

By the time he got to Torchwood, Jack and Vastra were already working, Clara and the girls wouldn't be arriving for another two hours. Monitors, charts, scans and satellite hacking codes were displayed across all the available screens in the Hub.

Meanwhile, galaxies away, River was curled up, alone in the TARDIS. She had powered down the ship almost completely, cloaking it in almost every way she knew how. She didn't want to be found, she wanted to be alone to think about everything that was happening. The ships hum was her only companion, the noise heard more faintly since the just about only the life support systems were running.

Back at the Hub, the search team was growing more and more frustrated as the hours ticked on with no sign of River. They were looking and using every method they knew. Clara was in charge of taking care of the girls since she didn't know as much about alien space tech as the rest of the group.

"Doctor, if she were to go somewhere, where would she run to?" Vastra asked, re-running scans to all of River's favorite planets.

"I doubt she'd leave the TARDIS. She'd isolate herself, but she'd still need the security and safety of the ship." He said, though wasn't 100% sure.

She sighed and nodded, "Yes, I suppose so, but where would she bring the TARDIS?"

"In the vortex, or possibly the end of the universe? Or the beginning... somewhere hard to find."

"Vastra, plug that scanner into one of the computers. I've figured something to make this go faster." She nodded, plugging in the scanner. "It's a bit of organization really. If we're trying to sort through every piece of derbies in deep space, it could take eons. I've set a requirement for the TARDIS's description." The Doctor explained.

Vastra moved aside so he had room to work, watching over his shoulder through the process. He programmed each computer to run his algorithm since each one was looking at a different part of space and time.

Vastra and Jack held their breath as they watched the screen calculate. There was another long wait of almost an hour while they watched with screens with tense shoulders. If a search didn't match, the computer automatically chose a new place and time to sift through.

Eventually, though, the screen did beep with a result. "There she is!" Jack pointed to the screen, "Alright, I think I have a program in here that will be able to hone in on the TARDIS using any nearby satellites. We could bring her back here by overriding the controls."

"No." The Doctor said quickly. "That not going to help the situation. We need to go to her and not make her do anything she doesn't want... maybe I should go alone."

"Yes, Doctor, I think that would be best." Vastra nodded, "We can stay and watch the children for you."

"The formula's in the stroller and so is a story book. I'm not sure how long this will take..."

Vastra nodded, "I understand. Don't push her into anything she doesn't want."

"I'll try my best." He nodded, rummaging for his vortex manipulator. "Jack, coordinates?"

Jack read the coordinates off to him. He programmed the VM, looked at his family once more. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck." Vastra murmured, watching him with worried eyes.

He hesitated, "What if nothing I say helps?"

Vastra shook her head, "I don't know. You'll just have to figure it out."

"I really hope I don't screw things up further..." He wanted to comfort River, to talk this out without her running. Holding his breath, he finally dematerialized himself.

River was asleep in bed, looking pale and ghostly. She hadn't eaten in a while, nor had she bothered to turn on any of the lights in the TARDIS, it was freezing cold and eerily silent.

The Doctor appeared in the console room with the sound of crackling electricity from his transport. Immediately, he was hugging his tweed around him a little tighter and looking around. River wasn't in this room so he went to the controls and turned the heating back on. He wasn't sure why it was off in the first place, but he was sure that River was probably cold too. He then set a scan for River, since it would be easier than searching.

The TARDIS displayed River in their bedroom, on the bed. The heat slowly began to kick on, though it would take a while to reheat the TARDIS. He noticed quickly by the information that she was sleeping and wondered if it was worth it to wake her. He figured she was tired after the emotional weight the day had held and opted to let her sleep. He could wait in their room, but that would probably startle her when she woke. He sighed, deciding to just wait on the stairs.

It was a couple of hours before she woke, drifting into the control room to see why it was suddenly so warm. Her waist looked rather small, tied tightly in with a corset, obviously, she had not listened to Vastra's comments.

The Doctor heard her footsteps but didn't turn around. She would see him, and if she was ready would stay and talk.

Her footsteps stopped immediately when she saw him. Without saying a word, she turned back around and went back down the hall. He stood and turned in her direction. "River?"

Her whole body tensed at the sound of his voice, stopping.

He quieted himself, taking Vastra's word and not pushing her. He figured she wouldn't be ready, but how was he supposed to send the message that he was there for her?

"What do you want?" She whispered, turning slightly.

"I want to talk about this." He replied. "But I'd settle for just letting you know I'm there for you through anything."

"What is there to talk about?" She whispered, sounding tired and defeated.

"Clearly a lot. I still haven't heard completely how you feel. Or why you feel that way." He added.

"This isn't how this is supposed to be happening." She whispered, burying her head in her hands.

"How did you want it to happen?" He asked carefully.

"I wanted to be happy about this. I wanted to surprise you and I wanted us to be able to be happy about it together."

"We can't still do that... just... not in the order you planned."

She shook her head, "Don't be stupid. Of course, we can't!"

"Maybe not the surprise bit, but the other bits are entirely possible."

"No, I wouldn't count on it." She was shaking, looking on the verge of passing out.

He bit his tongue and forcing himself to think before he said anything. "I'd like you to explain because I don't understand. All of this is new to me. All the emotions you've been hiding... Last I knew, we'd both agreed we wanted this. The way you're acting now is very sudden to me. At the least, I want to help."

"I don't want this baby." She whispered, "I didn't give myself enough time to think, and I changed my mind right after we tried those first few times, but it was too late, and now..." She let out a shaking breath, "And now it doesn't matter what I want, so there's no point in talking about it."

"It always matters what you want, especially now, in this situation. Everything that's happening, that's going to happen now, needs to revolve around your decision." He took a step towards her.

"There's nothing we can do about this now, so no, it isn't my decision anymore."

"There's always something we can do, so yes, it is. It's also your decision to be concerned about its health or not. It's your decision on whether you can love a child you never really wanted. It's your decision whether we do this together or you push me away." He paused, expression as warm as he could make it. "I take all my cues from you and whatever you chose, I'll be with you."

She was silent, trying not to show her emotions. She knew that no matter what he said, with him hovering over her, she would always be influenced to pick a certain choice, even if it wasn't truly what she wanted. "What am I supposed to say now?"

"You could tell me to go sod off. You could tell me to stay sit with you." He murmured. "But you don't have to say anything at all."

She wrapped her arms around her middle, looking away from him, "I don't know what I want."

"Then I'll give you space for now. And if you make up your mind that you want me there, I'll be in the console room." She didn't say anything, feeling woozy, like the whole room was spinning. "Do you need anything?" He asked before he left.

She shook her head, her lungs burning due to the fact that she had tied the corset around her waist so tightly.

He looked her over carefully "Are you... wearing a corset?"

"No." She lied, trying to get air into her lungs.

"River, that's not something you can hide. I can see the shape of it." He said, concern growing.

She swallowed, "It's fine."

"It's not fine." He frowned. "You look pale..."

"And what does my complexion have to do with what I'm wearing?"

"Well, I'm very sure that you didn't put white powder on your face. Corsets aren't good for your body, especially that tight." He pointed out.

At that moment, her body just decided to give up, unable to continue fighting for air and maintain a conscious state, so she fainted.

"River!" He caught her and lowered her to the floor, flailing his hands for a moment before aiming to remove her corset. As soon the corset was off, and her body was able to get more air into it, her skin started to return to its normal color.

He left it on the floor as he scooped her up and took her to the medbay, putting her on an oxygen mask. Without thinking about it, he also started setting up the ultrasound. She lay unconscious on the table as he set up the machine, unaware. He was about to start prepping her when he stopped himself, realizing what he was doing. This wasn't something he should do without her permission, but he also reasoned that the baby could be hurt from her lack of oxygen. No. Not without her permission. He put the probe down and waited for her to wake up.


	18. Lullaby

**Ch 18**

River slowly began to wake up after about ten minutes, her body finally deciding it was alright for her to be awake again.

"River?" The Doctor hovered over her, hand stroking her hair back.

She blinked slowly, looking confused, "Doctor? Where am I?"

"Medbay." He murmured.

"Oh..." She breathed, not looking at all concerned.

"You passed out because your corset was too tight." He explained, though had a feeling the already knew that.

She shook her head, starting to sit up, "Oh, well, I'm fine then. It's nothing."

"It's something." Countered, urging her back down. "...You did that on purpose."

She stared at him for a moment before responding, "That's an awfully large accusation."

"And that was an awfully large measure to take." He sighed and sat next to the bed. "River, it's not too late to get rid of it."

She tensed when he drew closer to her, "I never said I wanted that." "You implied it... and if it is what you want, I'd rather have that than this."

"I didn't imply anything." She got up, going for the door, "I can't do this. I can't." She stopped in the doorway, "Please leave."

He nodded and stood silently, knowing he's said the wrong thing.

"Don't come back." She was shaking, "Don't come looking for me. Just leave me alone."

He paused at the door. "River, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"You didn't mean what?" She snapped.

"I didn't mean to say that." He said, hardly above a whisper, not meeting her eyes. "I... I didn't mean it." He wanted to slap himself probably as much as she wanted to slap him.

"Then you shouldn't have said it." She hissed, her eyes burning with a mix of anger and hurt and absolute terror. "How could you even _think_ to say that? After everything we've been through? After all of the babies I've lost...How _dare_ you."

"I wasn't thinking. I want this baby. It's..." He felt his words were pointless to counter her grief or his guilt. He'd just been so caught up trying to think of what was wrong, he thought the baby was the source of it. Only he hadn't been thinking and words has just started without him and he'd made idiotic assumptions because he had no information to go on. He had corned himself into exactly the scenario he was trying to avoid. Getting rid of the baby was that last thing he'd want, and having River hate him wasn't on top of the list either. He wouldn't be surprised if she told him to never talk to her ever again, with the way he'd screwed up, though he really hoped he'd find a way to get his words together before that could happen.

"It's what?" She whispered, watching him with an intense expression.

"It's what I've wanted for a long time." He whispered. "I'll... I'll go now."

She swallowed, still standing in the doorway, blocking his way. "I'm sorry..."

"Not as sorry as I am." He murmured to the floor. He felt more than terrible about what he'd said, the knot of guilt in his gut still tightening.

She was silent, staring at the floor for a minute. "Why?"

He blinked at her. "Why... did I say it?" She nodded.

"Because..." He hesitated and thought carefully this time. Because he was an idiot who didn't think some time. "Because seeing you so... scared about all of this, so closed off to it that you hid it from me, that you ran from me... it hurt just as much as... the other thing. I was focused on thinking how to stop you from being scared, that everything else just slipped my mind until I'd said it."

"I didn't hide it to hurt you." She breathed, "I hid it because I didn't want you to watch me choose."

"I know... I thought you shouldn't have to choose alone, but if you still want to, I can go."

She shook her head, "You already know, so what's the point in going?"

"Because you haven't finished whatever sort of mental recuperation you were doing, and I know you tend to need space when it comes to that." He said.

"Do you trust me to be by myself?" She asked. At the moment, she didn't exactly trust herself.

He wasn't sure how to answer that question. "...I won't be leaving the TARDIS."

She sighed, finally giving into her feelings, "Can you stay?"

He nodded immediately. "Of course."

"Thank you." She whispered, "Can we go sit somewhere?"

"Yes." He nodded again, reaching for her hand.

She hesitated before taking his hand. She still wasn't completely relaxed, but she was trying. A bit of his tension left at her touch and he started to walk towards the console room. She followed, though she was a bit confused as to why he was heading for the console room instead of one of the many living rooms they had.

When they arrived, he pressed a button on console. The TARDIS started to go somewhere, though there was not jostle or the noise of the breaks.

"Where are we going?" She asked quietly, not ready to face their family and friends back at the Hub just yet.

"Somewhere you'll like." He murmured and opened the doors. A yellow-green light illuminated him from the outside and he turned back to her. "Come see."

She slowly walked towards the doors, peering to see where he had brought her. They were still floating somewhere in space, no notable planets around, but in front of them was a small nebula full of colors similar to the ocean with the exception of the yellow hues. She stared out at the nebula, sighing, "It's beautiful."

"I found this a little while back. I was going to show it to you on our anniversary." He told her, looking at her more than the nebula.

She took his hand again, squeezing it gently. "Does it have a name?" She sat down on the floor of the TARDIS so her legs dangled out. He did the same as he thought.

"A few, yes. Do'Acek, Maetheso... there's actually a half formed planet in there that's used as a meditation center. The nebula emits a chemical that helps people relax and find peace, so it fits quite nicely."

"Is that why you brought me here? Because it's supposed to help relax people?"

"No, we're not close enough to be affected. I just liked the colors because they reminded me of your eyes." He hummed.

She smiled softly, glad that he hadn't brought her here for the relaxation, "Oh, I see." She leaned into him a bit more, daring to rest her head against his.

He smiled, even more relieved to have her opening up a little. "Is this a good place to sit?"

"Yes, it's fine." She whispered, giving his hand another squeeze.

"Do you think you'll come home soon?" He squeezed back.

She began to tense again, "I- I don't know."

"It's alright not to know yet." He assured quickly.

"I'm a bit cold." She breathed, snuggling closer to him.

He gave her his jacket and wrapped his arm around her. "Better?"

She leaned into his arms, nodding, "Yes, much better. Thank you."

"Good." He smiled softly, having an small understanding that right now she needed a break from talking and thinking about all the things weighing her down. Some quiet would be welcome.

She fell asleep after a while, resting almost peacefully in his arms. A part of her was still mad at him for bringing up the baby before she had been ready to discuss it, but she kept that to herself for now, needing to rest.

He shifted her a little more comfortably once he realized she was sleeping, playing with her hair out of habit and hoping this moment wasn't temporary.

She was asleep for several hours, getting some much needed rest. The TARDIS had done half an orbit around the nebula by then, filtering the warmth from inside closer to them.

After her nap, River began to stir, pulling the Doctor's jacket closer to her body.

He looked down at her, staying quiet in case she was only awake for a moment.

"Back hurts..." She breathed, opening her eyes a bit more, looking up at him.

"That would probably be from napping on the floor. I can give it a massage if you like." He offered.

She shook her head, "No, I want to go lay down somewhere else."

He nodded. "Living room?"

She nodded. He wiggled out from behind her and stood, offering a hand up. She accepted his help, swaying dizzily once on her feet.

He steadied her. "You alright there?"

She nodded, "Just a bit dizzy."

"Did you eat today?" He asked.

"Of course, I ate today." She answered honestly.

"I guess you just stood up too fast." He said. "Come on."

She followed him to the living room. The TARDIS had started up a fire since she knew River always enjoyed sitting in front of the fire. The living room that they were in had a large sofa in the middle with lots of blankets and pillows. There were pictures of their family hanging all around the dimly lit room.

"I don't remember the pictures being in here before." The Doctor noted, taking a seat on the couch.

River didn't sit right away, looking at the pictures around the room one by one. "Neither do I. The TARDIS must have put them up."

He looked too. "They're nice pictures, though. I like all the memories."

"Me too." She whispered, touching her fingertips to the glass of a very recent one of their whole family, pets included.

"...What are you thinking?" He hummed.

"That I don't want to disappoint them...or you."

"Why would you disappoint us?"

"By getting rid of the baby..." She closed her eyes.

"Are you going to?" He watched her.

"No." She breathed, "Of course not."

"Then there's no reason to fret."

She sniffled, pressing her forehead against the glass of the frame, "I don't want to hate the baby. I want to love our baby."

"You will. Even if it takes time, I promise you will." He patted the space next to him.

She sat down slowly, obviously upset, "I'm not ready for another baby."

"But we are going to have one and you only have so many months to come to terms with it... do you have any idea what you're going to do?" He asked, also realizing he didn't know exactly how far along she was.

"No." She whispered, "That's why I was staying with Vastra. She was trying to help me get through this."

"Are you going to go back to her?" He asked, though he had an idea of her answer.

"I don't think so, not anymore." She sighed.

"How was she trying to help?"

She shook her head, not wanting to discuss it.

He didn't push the question. "She and Jack and Clara are watching the girls right now."

"Oh...and what about Arthur?"

"He's with them too. I left hem formula for him." He added.

"Is he still sick?" She asked quietly.

"His temperature was down this morning, so he's just about better. He misses you, though."

"I miss him too." She whispered.

"We can go back to them." He offered.

She nodded, "Alright, I'd like that."

"Stay in here if you like. I'll drive." He said, standing.

She lay down on the couch, pulling a blanket over herself. For some reason she was exhausted and just wanted to go back to sleep. The Doctor went back to the console room and took the TARDIS smoothly to the Hub.

The sound of Arthur crying could already he heard. He was hungry and did not want to have formula milk again. The Doctor stepped out of his blue box, quickly spotting his son in Vastra's arms. The girls were at her feet, wanting to help try and feed their brother.

"Oh, good. You're back." Vastra looked almost relieved.

He took over holding Arthur. "Yes, how were the kids?"

"The girls have been very good, and excellent helpers. Arthur on the other hand, refuses to eat, though his stomach is grumbling."

"He tends to get sick of the formula if it's all he get for more than two days. The good news is Mummy's back to help out with that." He directed that last bit toward Arthur.

Arthur perked up at the sound of 'Mummy' still sniffling and wiggling around.

"I'll take him to see her." He paused. "I'm not sure if she's up for being around too many people... so I'll let you know when she's ready to see you too."

Vastra nodded, understanding, "Give her my best."

"I will." He headed back into the ship, the girls following. River had moved from the living room into the console room to greet her family.

"Mummy!" The girls ran up and attached themselves to her.

"Hello, my loves!" River beamed, bending down to hug them tightly.

"We missed you so much!" They exaggerated the 'so' just to help prove their point.

"I missed you too!" She smiled, kissing their cheeks. They attacked her with hugs and kisses until their arms were too tired and try were just cuddled up next to her.

Arthur was still wailing, growing hungrier. The Doctor coughed, "River? There's someone else who missed you."

River stood, walking over to the baby, "Oh, hello there." He handed Arthur off to her.

The baby instantly clung to her shirt and pushed his head against her. "I don't even get a hello? I'm just your feeding machine?" She teased, kissing the baby's cheek.

"Vastra says he's been refusing the formula so I think he'd prefer hugs later." The Doctor voiced.

She glanced at him, "Alright then..." She breathed, "I'm going to go feed him in the living room."

"Girls, we've got to wait here." The Doctor said, knowing they'd run after her other wise.

"Awwwwwww why?"

"Because it's Mummy's private time when she feeds your brother, remember? She'll be done soon." He explained.

"Oh..." They sighed, letting River go.

"She'll be back in a moment." He promised. They nodded as River carried Arthur out.


	19. Readjustment

**Ch 19**

Arthur was still whining for food, hunger drowning out his excitement to be with River.

"Okay, okay." She whispered, sitting down and undoing her top. He greedily latched, calming as soon as he was nursing. "Gentle, my love, Mummy's sore."

Arthur didn't understand, though tried to do as she said. She let Arthur feed for as long as he needed, rubbing his arm gently.

He was quiet when he finished, having a satisfied look. _Full._

"Are you going to say hello now?" She asked, smiling down at him. He reached his hands up for her, making a gleeful sound. She laughed, pressing kisses to his face, "That's what I thought."

 _Mummua! Mumma! Where'd you go?_

"I had to go away for a while." She whispered, "Mumma's going to have another baby, so she had to take care of some things."

Arthur only half understood, thinking this meant another big sister. "Buh!" He said excitedly.

"Yes, you're going to have a little brother or sister soon."

 _More big sister!_ He bounced.

She laughed softly, "No, my sweet no big sisters. Only a little baby."

 _Am I 'little baby'?_ He asked.

"Yes, and now we're going to have another one."

 _I'm a big sister?_ He looked up at her with round eyes.

She laughed again, "Big brother." She corrected.

 _Big brother, big brother!_ He tested it out, liking the title. She smiled, kissing his cheek.

A few minutes more passed before the Doctor knocked on the door. "Is it safe to come in?"

"Yes, I'm done now."

He gestured behind him and the girls came skipping in.

"Hello, girls!" River beamed, still cuddling Arthur. They clambered up onto the couch and cuddled next to her. She kissed the top of their heads, "I missed you both very much!"

"We're making clay bowls in art class!" Amelia grinned.

"I learned about butterflies in science class!" Freya said at the same time.

River smiled, "I can't wait to see your bowl, Amelia. And maybe we can visit the butterfly center this weekend."

"Please, can we? Can we?" Freya got even more excited, Amelia joining in.

"Well, we'll have to see." She laughed.

"If Mummy's feeling up for it, then yes." The Doctor added. "She's had a very tiring time with Auntie Vastra."

River looked up at him, a small frown crossing her face.

"There were a lot of reports to write about the artifact she was working with." He continued, so the girls wouldn't ask too many questions.

River's frown only deepened. "I think it's time Arthur goes down for his nap."

"Aw but Mummy, we just got here!" Freya held onto her.

She sighed, "Well, I suppose he could wait a little while."

"He can sleep on your lap," Amelia suggested.

Arthur was starting to get fussy, not liking the light and the noise and wanting to sleep.

"Shush, baby brother. Go to sleep here." Amelia instructed.

"Shhhh. Shhh. Okay." River murmured, rubbing his back, "You're okay. Just go to sleep."

 _I want my bed!_ He complained. _I want my blankie!_

"Alright, fine. Mummy will bring you to bed." She stood, not wanting to keep him up and throw off his whole sleep schedule.

"Can I come?" Amelia insisted.

"Of course you can, but you have to be quiet." She nodded.

"I'm coming too!." Freya hopped off the couch.

River lead them out of the room and down the hall to where Arthur's nursery was. She gently set him down in his cot, tucking the blanket around him. "There you go."

Arthur clung to her finger. _Big brother._

River smiled weakly, though she felt a knot tighten in her stomach. He thought the words again, contently, liking the sound of them

She bent down, kissing his forehead, "Sleep, sweetie."

"Night, night, Arthur." The girls said, blowing their own kisses to their brother.

River ushered them out, turning off the light as they left. "

Why does he go to bed so early?" Freya asked.

"He's not really going to bed, sweetie. He's just taking a nap. He'll be up later." She lead them back to the living room.

"Oh." She nodded. "Are you going to nap too?"

"Well, no. I wasn't planning on it, why?" She asked.

"'Cause Daddy said you were tired from arca-ologly." She replied, mispronouncing the word as she usually did.

River sighed, shaking her head, "Daddy's confused, I'm not tired."

"Why'd he think you were?"

"I don't know." She lied, "But I promise he isn't right."

"Does that mean you can play?" Amelia asked hopefully.

"Of course I can play!" She smiled. They dragged her off to their room, getting out some games.

River happily spent the next few hours playing with her daughters, glad to have to distraction.

Vastra and Jack came into the TARDIS looking for River by that time. They searched around until they found the girls' room, peering in the doorway but not interrupting yet.

The girls collapsed into a fit of giggles on top of River who smiled and hugged them tightly. A moment more and they noticed the adults in the doorway. "Auntie Vastra! Uncle Jack! Come play with us!"

River looked up as well, a bit surprised to see them. "The Doctor mentioned we could come see you now. How are you?" Vastra asked River.

"I'm fine." She breathed, not quite looking at her, "The Doctor seems to be making a lot of decisions for me today."

"We can go if you'd like." Vastra offered, sensing she was a bit upset.

"It's fine." She breathed, growing increasingly upset with the Doctor.

Amelia got up and pulled Vastra and Jack into play with them. River continued to play with the girls for a bit, along with Vastra and Jack, though she seemed a bit more distant.

Arthur started to cry from the other room, having woken from his nap. "I'll be right back, I have to get the baby." River excused herself, going to the nursery.

The Doctor was already there, scooping Arthur out of his crib and rocking him.

She stood in the doorway watching him for a minute, "Where have you been?"

"Hmm?" Her turned to her, not sure where her tone was coming from.

She stared at him, expecting an answer.

He blinked at her for a second, then adjusted Arthur who was quickly lulling back to sleep. "Well, I was in the living room for a while. It was quite cozy so I waited for you to come back. When you didn't, I went to check on Arthur and watched him for a while because he was sleeping in an awfully cute position. Then I went to look for my old cot since we'll probably be needing it soon unless you want to use a different one." He listed voice quiet for the sleeping baby. "I didn't find it, but I did hear you playing with the girls eventually so I went and told Vastra and Jack it was probably okay to come see you because they were waiting very patiently because we didn't know if you wanted to be around people or not. You sounded pretty happy so I figured it was a good time." He explained. "Then I looked for the cot again, still no luck, and then Arthur started crying." He finished. "And here we are, though you look less happy than you sounded."

She sniffed, "I don't like you deciding things for me."

"I... Sorry." He was a little taken back. "I didn't realize I was. I can get Vastra and Jack to leave if you want me to."

"I shouldn't have come back." She whispered, "I wasn't ready to come back..."

"River..." He tried to sooth, rubbing her arm with his free hand. "We're all very glad that you came back, but it's okay not to be ready for all this. Why don't you go lie down somewhere, I'll deal with everyone?"

She stepped away from him, standing there for a few moments, before going down the hall to their room. He looked at Arthur, feeling rather like he had deja vu. "Just you and me again. I don't suppose you have anything to say to Mummy that could make her feel better?"

Arthur just whimpered, not liking seeing River so angry.

"Me neither." He murmured. "Will you sleep now, lovey?" Arthur whimpered again but agreed. The Doctor tucked him back into his crib, then went to the girl's room.

The girls were still running around with their Aunt and Uncle, laughing and dressing them up.

"Girls, are you hungry?" He asked them, watching them run back and forth.

"No, we already had dinner," Freya answered.

"Oh." He nodded. "What are you playing?"

"We're playing horse race!" She smiled, then proceeded to do her best horse impression.

"Where did Mummy go?" Amelia asked.

"Uh, she had to... finish another report." He lied quickly. Vastra looked up at him for a moment, eyebrow raised. He shrugged, gesturing that they'd talk later.

"Come play with us!" The girls tugged on his arms, wanting him to join in their games. He agreed, participating in the games until it was their bedtime.

The girls were unhappy to be going to bed, but went without much complaint since they were so tired. The exhaustion left them not even realizing that they hadn't said goodnight to their mother.

The Doctor helped them get ready, tucking them in. "Goodnight sweethearts."

"Goodnight, Daddy." Amelia yawned, snuggling into her pillow.

He left them to their dreams, going off to find the other adults. Vastra and Jack were talking quietly in the hall. He smiled weakly at them. "Thank you for your help today."

They nodded, "Of course. How is the Mrs anyway?" Jack asked, glancing down the hall.

"Well... I can't really say." He rubbed the back of his neck.

Jack raised an eyebrow, "What's that supposed to mean? Do you not know?"

"She told me that it was too early for her to come back and then went off somewhere. Our room I think." He sighed. "She told me to stop deciding thing for her, which I wasn't aware I was doing, so I can't tell you how she's feeling because I'm not her."

Jack put his hands up in defense, "Alright, alright. I guess we should leave you two to hash this out then."

"No, I don't want to fight with her." He frowned. "I just was trying to comfort her, but I keep saying the wrong thing."

"She's having a lot of trouble coping with what's going on. Maybe instead of using words, you could use gestures. I don't think she wants to hear your words right now, she just wants to know that you're there." Vastra offered.

The Doctor nodded, open to anything. "Thanks. Do you need a ride home?"

They both nodded. He led them back to the console room and drove them both back to their homes, Jack first and Vastra second.

"If you need any more help, I'm just a phone call away," Vastra said as she left.

"I'm sure you'll be hearing from us soon. Thank you for taking care of River."

"It was no trouble." She waved as the door closed.

The Doctor turned back to the console and fiddled with some controls for a moment, taking a breath. The kids were all asleep, but he found the quiet to be making him a little nervous. He didn't want to mess up again, though Vastra's advice was a bit comforting. He started to stroll towards his and River's room, thinking she'd be there.

River was in their bathroom, having fallen asleep in the bathtub. It took the Doctor a few minutes to find her, confused as to how she'd fallen asleep there. Quietly, he scooped her out of the tub and dried her off, wrapped her up in a towel and brought her to the bed. He tucked her under the blankets, going to get changed into pajamas.

"Doctor...?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Hmm?" He responded, looking over at her.

She sat up slowly, "Where are you?"

He rounded the bed, standing next to her and smiling softly. She reached out to take his hand, squeezing it softly, "I'm sorry."

He squeezed back. "It's alright."

She sighed, slowly standing up to put her pajamas on as well, discarding the towel. He quietly changed finished by her side.

She sat down on the bed once she was changed, her hand lightly falling on her middle. He sat next to her taking her hand again. She stared at her middle until Toby came in, jumping up on the bed. The dog settled his head on River's leg, licking the hand on her belly.

She sat in silence for another ten minutes, before speaking, "It's quite cold in here."

"We could get under the blankets." He suggested.

She nodded, crawling beneath the heavy sheets, though the temper seemed to be dropping. He slowly cuddled close to her, Toby shifting to snuggle on her other side. She curled up against her husband, appreciating his warmth and presence.

The TARDIS only continued to grow colder, the chilly temperatures waking Arthur some time later.

"Shall I get him?" The Doctor asked when he heard Arthur crying.

"If you don't mind." River nodded, "Can you bring him in here?"

"Of course." He slipped out of bed, shivering on the way to the nursery.

Arthur was wailing in his crib, his nose, fingers and toes all red from the cold.

The Doctor quickly picked him up, blanket and all, and held him close to warm him. "Sh, sh. It's alright Arthur. I'll warm you up." He murmured, bringing him back to the bedroom.

By the time he had gotten back, Toby had also snuggled under the blankets with River, his nose just peaking out beneath the covers.

"Why is it getting so cold?" The Doctor asked, slipping back into bed.

"I don't know." River breathed, immediately snuggling up to the Doctor and the baby, covering them in the heavy fur blankets she had retrieved from the closet while he'd been gone. "The heating must be broken."

"The heating doesn't break." He pointed out, confusion not lessening.

"I don't know then, maybe the TARDIS wants us all to sleep together." She was more concerned in warming the baby.

She left the bed and went back to the nursery, getting a warmer pair of pajamas and a hat for the boy. They bundled Arthur up until he looked more like a swaddle of blankets with a little red nose. He'd stopped crying, though was still sniffling because of the cold.

River kissed his nose, holding him against her though she was starting to shake herself. The Doctor held her close, arms around her. "I bet ten minutes before the girls join us."

She nodded, curling up against him for more warmth, "You don't think being in a room this cold could hurt the baby, do you?" She asked. It was the first time she had shown any serious concern for their newest child.

"Well... it's probably not the most healthy. Your body heat will be more concentrated on the baby so you'll likely be more affected." He explained.

She nodded, "Okay..."

The girls wandered in a few minutes later, wrapped in all of their blankies. They wedged themselves between their parents, "Why is it cold?"

"We don't know, my loves." River murmured, helping them get settled.

"I like getting to snuggle," Amelia grinned. Freya only complained about the cold.

"I like getting to snuggle too," River smiled, kissing the top of her head. "Now try and get some rest and don't squirm too much or else you'll wake your brother." Arthur had fallen asleep on River's chest, emitting soft little snores.

The girls closed their eyes and were quickly asleep as well. River glanced over at her husband, worried that the children were going to get sick all over again with the strange weather on the TARDIS.

"Do you want me to investigate the heating?" He asked her.

"I don't want you to leave us." She murmured, weaving her hand around the little bodies between them to hold his hand.

He met her halfway, holding her hand. "In the morning then?"

She nodded, nuzzling his cheek over the heads of their children. He smiled, watching her sleepily.

The temperature took another dip down over the next few minutes. River made sure Arthur was nestled warmly against her chest before tightening the space between her and the Doctor so the girls would be warmer. "Are you alright?"

"Fine aside from the cold. You?" He whispered back, the cats creeping into the room to join them.

"Glad to have my family so close." She breathed, smiling weakly.

"Me too." He breathed, though was more worried about the heating than he let on. The TARDIS heating hardly ever broke down. In fact, maybe only a handful of times all together and all of those had been extreme situations. The cold now he'd only experienced once before. "Try to sleep. I'm sure the heating will be back to normal soon."

"Alright." She whispered, closing her eyes and trying to drift off.


	20. Footsteps Following

**Ch 20**

"River!" The Doctor shook her shoulders, voice emergent. "River get up, now!"

"Doctor..." She groaned, her head hurt and she tried to swat him away.

"River, please!" He was starting to cough. "We have to get out of here! Quickly!" She started coughing her eyes opening slowly. "We don't have time." He scooped her up, Arthur still on her chest and started running for the console room. Smoke and gas were filling every room and he could hardly see as he ran.

"What's happening?" She choked on the smoke around them, holding the baby tightly.

He didn't answer, going straight for the doors and not stopping until he set her down safely outside the TARDIS and next to the girls who had run ahead of them. Looking back at the ship, his stomach twisted. "We... crashed."

"What? What are you talking about?" She turned to look at the wreckage of the ship.

The lights of the blue box were all shut down and the smoke they were fleeing from pouring out rapidly. It was on its side, looking completely broken.

Arthur started wailing. _Big Mummy's dead!_

"Shhhhhh, shhhhhh." River whispered, trying to smooth the baby, "shhh..."

"That... No. That's not possible." The Doctor frowned, though his theory was only growing.

"What?" River asked, "What's not possible?"

"The TARDIS crashed. She's... dying." He whispered.

"Is there anything we can do?" She asked quietly, staring at the wreckage.

"I... don't know." He swallowed. At the very least, they couldn't go in there with all the smoke.

She wrapped her free arm around him, "I...I'm sorry..."

He scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to get a hold of himself. "Where are we?"

River turned around to look at the scene before them, but all of a sudden felt very very sleepy.

"Mummy, my head hurts," Freya complained, sitting down on the ground. Amelia did the same.

River knelt down beside them, kissing Freya's head, "So does mine, my sweet. It's probably from the crash."

"I want to go home." She whimpered.

She wrapped her arms around the little girl, "I know, I know."

"I'm tired." Amelia leaned against her mother. River bit her lip, not knowing what to do. She glanced down at the baby who was starting to fall asleep.

"We've got to move somewhere safer." The Doctor said, scooping up Amelia.

"Can you get Freya too?" She asked, unable to carry the baby and Freya.

He nodded and propped Amelia on his hip so he could hold both his daughters. "Come on. This gas is spreading."

River nodded, walking behind him. It was only a moment before she started to collapse, falling on her side to avoid crushing the baby.

"River!" He rushed to her. "River, are you okay?" She was unconscious, as was Arthur.

The Doctor started to panic a little, moving and placing the now unconscious girls a safe distance from the TARDIS before moving back to drag River and Arthur there too. He only made it a few feet before passing out himself.

* * *

River's eyes snapped open, her whole body shaking with coldness.

"Mummy I had a bad dream!" Freya had sat up in bed, lip wobbling. Arthur was crying as well.

"It's alright. You're alright." River whispered, wrapping her other arm tighter around her daughter.

"It's cold! Why is it so cold?" Amelia had woken too, sniffing.

"I don't know, sweetheart. How about you snuggle closer to Toby, he'll keep you warm." She suggested, arms too full to reach her.

"I had a bad dream, too." She grumbled, curling up to the dog.

"I'm sorry, my love." She murmured, managing to reach her back with her hand. "How about we go get some warmer pajamas for you two to wear."

"But I don't want to get up. It's cold."

"If you'd like, you two can stay here and I'll get you some warm things."

"I'll come to." The Doctor finally spoke up.

"Can you watch the baby, girls? Keep him between you and don't squish him too much." She gently set the baby down between her two daughters. They nodded.

The Doctor slipped out of bed to follow River. River lead him down the hall to the girls room, her whole body trembling.

"We're going to have to change when we get back." He nodded quietly, lips pressed tightly together.

"Are you alright?" She whispered, glancing over at him.

"Bad dream." He murmured.

"I had one too." She whispered, "We all had one."

"A bit curious, don't you think?" He asked.

She nodded, "Yes, it's...strange." She rummaged through the girls drawers, trying to find their winter pajamas and socks. "Maybe we should get two layers for them."

He nodded in agreement. "Maybe we should investigate this cold while we're up."

"Perhaps, yes." She glanced down at her hands which were bright red and throbbing.

He took her hands for a moment, trying to warm them before gestured for her to follow to the console room. She kept her hands entwined with one of his as they walked.

The console room seemed even colder than the rest of the TARDIS, The Doctor instinctively holding River closer when they arrived. She was shaking violently once they there. her body sending any and all heat to her abdomen. She melted into the Doctor's warmth.

"Maybe you should go back to bed and try to warm up." He fretted.

The already dim lights in the TARDIS suddenly shut down. "No, I don't want to leave you." She whispered, nuzzling into his body to try and share in his warmth. "It could help if we get some scarves and wrap them around my middle to keep the baby warm."

"Better yet, a heating pad." Hand still in hers, he felt his way toward where he knew he had a chest of warm things for her. He started rummaging, tossing her blankets and coats until he also found the portable heating pads. There were eight of them and he took them all out. "We should bring these back to the girls." He said, turning one on and handing it to his wife.

"Thank you." She breathed, fixing it so it was sitting against her stomach. She was still trembling and stayed as close to him as possible.

He turned back to the task at hand. "Something's drained the power... probably the same this that's making it so cold."

She nodded, "Where are we, anyway?" She asked, unsure of the location of the TARDIS.

"No idea. Scanners are down, it's like she just... dead." His eyebrow knit together with concern, skipping over to the door. "Guess there's only one way to find out."

River nodded, taking one of the door handles and pulling. Immediately, a draft of cold even worse than the cold already in TARDIS, hit them smack in the face. River gasped at the extreme coldness of the air, shaking so violently that her knees gave out from beneath her.

The Doctor squinted for a second then shut the doors quickly, shaking. "It's a cold star!" He looked over at her. "River!" He bent down to her, pulling her against him.

"It's f-f-f-freezing." She breathed, turning into his body.

"It's a cold star. I'm surprised we made it this far. Just hang in there, love." He gathered her up and brought her away from the door which already had frost growing on it. Her lips were dry and pale and she clung to him, not wanting to be separated from the warmth he was providing her.

He reached over and grabbed another heading pad from where he'd left them all in a pile, switching it on and giving it to River. She hugged it close to her chest, closing her eyes for a moment. He closed his eyes as well, arms secure around her.

"Can we go back to our room?" She whispered, wanting to cuddle with him in the warmth of their bed.

He hesitated. "I think we need to work a bit more on this cold problem... It's more serious than you think."

She nodded, "Alright, but I want to check on the baby and make sure he and the girls are alright."

He nodded. Kids first.

He helped her stand, keeping his arm firmly around her. "This cold is making me so tired." He murmured. She nodded, answering with a yawn. "You too, huh?" He asked, leading her from the console room.

"Yes, and I'm worried..."

"About the cold?" He clarified.

"Well, no...about the baby."

He nodded his understanding, his features remaining schooled though he was pleased with her concern for their child. "The heating pads will definitely be a huge help, though if you feel like something's wrong, let me know immediately."

"But I'm afraid if something does go wrong, we won't be able to find out what or fix it since all the power seems to be out."

"Oh." He said in the realization that the machines wouldn't be working. "Well, the portable ultrasounds go on batteries. Do you want to grab one?"

She nodded, "Yes, perhaps."

"...Did Vastra check on the baby at all during your visit?" He rerouted them towards the med bay.

"Yes, she said it was a bit small but other than that it was alright. I didn't see it, though..."

He nodded quietly. "I can do an exam if you want me to... if you're ready for me too." He added.

She shook her head, "Not yet...I want to get back to the children."

"Alright." They picked up the portable ultrasound then headed to back to the kids, giving them heating pads of their own.

"How's my baby doing?" River murmured, lifting Arthur up.

Arthur cuddled into the heating pad, relieved to have such warmth. _Cold, cold, cold!_

"I know, sweetheart, I know. Are you hungry?"

 _Yes!_ He cooed eagerly.

She kissed his head and sat down on the bed, wrapping the two of them beneath a blanket and unbuttoned her top so Arthur could feed.

 _Big brother._ Arthur hummed, content against his mother's skin.

"Yes, I know." She held him so he could share the warmth of the heating pad on her belly.

 _Baby okay?_

"What do you mean sweetie?"

 _Cold. Baby cold?_

"Yes, a little bit. But don't worry."

 _Warm square._ He pointed out.

"Yes, that's keeping it warm."

 _We need BIG warm square!_

She laughed softly, "Yes, we do." She glanced at the Doctor.

 _Birdies._

"What birdies?" She yawned.

 _I hear birdies._ He yawned in return, snuggling against River.

"Stay close to Mummy." She whispered, fighting to keep her eyes open.

 _Why... birdies..._ He drifted off, not finishing the thought. River started falling asleep as well, holding Arthur close.

* * *

Gas was surrounding the Timelord family on the rocky space they crashed at. River jolted awake, coughing and choking on the air. "Doctor!" She called.

"Over here!" His voice was more distant, somewhere from out of the gas. She stood and ran towards the sound of his voice, holding Arthur against her chest so he wouldn't breathe in the gas.

"Where are you?" The Doctor called.

"I don't-" She coughed, "I don't know? I can't see anything!"

"Just get out of the gas! It's spreading from the TARDIS, it's deadly!"

She held Arthur tighter, running as fast as she could out of the gas surrounding them. Arthur started wailing and hacking. She stumbled out of the gas finally, stroking Arthur's back and looking over him, extremely worried. Arthur whimpered unhappily, sounding like he was going to spit up.

"Okay, it's alright. You're okay." She whispered, trying to hold him in a way so he wouldn't get spit up on either of them.

He vomited a bit, then started to calm, asking where the rest of the family was.

"I don't know… Doctor!"

"River?" He echoed back, sounding further than before.

"Where are you?" She called back, looking around.

"Other side! I've got the girls safe!"

"Is there any way I can get to you without going through it again?" She asked, glad that the rest of their family was safe.

"I don't know, I don't think so." Concern was obvious in his voice. "It's spreading! The gap is only going to get bigger."

"What if we loop around it?" She called, "We may be able to-" Her words cut off with a groan.

"River?" He called for her. She didn't answer him, squeezing her eyes shut and clutching her middle. "River are you okay, are you still there?" He panicked.

"I think something's wrong." She called, "I think the gas did something to the baby."

"What is it? What's going on?"

"I don't know. I don't know what's happening, it hurts a lot."

"Just... stay where you are! I'll find a way to you. Hang on!" He said frantically, though any attempt to go around the gas would probably take a very long time.

River sat, hoping it would ease the pain. She cuddled Arthur close to her chest, hoping that vomiting would be the only way the gas affected him.

"Has he told you the bad news yet?"

River frowned, "What?"

"That's a 'no' I take it?" The voice said.

"Who are you? What are you talking about?" She stood again, turning around.

A balding man with round glasses stood behind her, rather on the short side, though his face was pinched and unwelcoming. "I'm talking about me."

She took a step back, holding Arthur protectively against her, "Who are you?"

"Don't you recognize me?" He adjusted his bow tie. "Or did the daft man not tell you?"

"Tell me wh-ah!" She cried out at the lurch of pain in her abdomen.

The man laughed. "Come on, that's not even the worst you've had."

"Excuse me?" She stared incredulously at him.

The man flickered then disappeared, reappearing on the other side of her. She immediately stepped away, shielding the baby.

"So that _husband_ of yours didn't share. No surprise there."

"Get away from me." She growled, "Doctor!"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist." The man said, looking bored. "People like you call me the Dream Lord."

"I don't care you who are or where you came from. I want you to leave me alone!"

"That's not going to happen, I think we both know that."

"What do you want then?" She snapped.

"I want you to understand exactly what kind of situation you're in and just what kind of power I have over you."

"Then get on with it." She hissed, glaring at him.

"It's more fun to have you figure it out." He sneered back. "As for power, well..." The Dream Lord raised his hand and closed it into a fist.

She felt a huge rush of pain, groaning and falling to her knees.

He looked smug. "I'll let that sink in. In the meantime, let's see how fast you can get away." The gas seemed to be expanding more quickly.

River looked back at the gas, scrambling to her feet once she was able to and running.

 _Big Mummy's dead! Scary man! I want Daddy!_ Arthur was not happy about any of this.

"Shhhh." River hushed, as she ran further from the gas behind them, needing to get Arthur away as fast as possible.

 _Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Where's Daddy? Where's sisters?_ He demanded.

"I don't...I don't know, sweetheart. Hush now, Mummy has to think." She looked around, trying to find some place they could hide. There looked to be an incline in the distance, something that likely had cover. She spotted the incline, running for it and calling for the Doctor.

There was no answer.

"Now that's really going to help." The Dreamlord appeared in front of her path. River ran right through him.

 _Why are there birdies?_ Arthur asked.

"I don't...I don't know..." She whispered, collapsing to her knees, and the laying down, suddenly too overcome with tiredness to move.

"Mummy!" Amelia called, though River was unconscious by then.


	21. River's Choice

**Ch 21**

"Mummy!" Came Freya, completely shaking with the freezing cold TARDIS.

River awoke, back in bed with the children, immediately moving to warm them up, "It's alright." She murmured, wrapping her arms around them, "We'll be alright."

"There's frost in the hall." Her teeth chattered. "It's never been this cold before."

"Doctor?" River called, helping the girls get bundled up in the clothes they had retrieved earlier and wrapping Toby and the cats up in a few more blankets they had, allowing the animals to snuggle with the children.

He took a moment to blink his eyes open, sitting bolt upright. "Are you okay?"

He asked frantically. "I don't know." She whispered, trying to hide how shaken she was.

Toby crawled up so he was practically laying on the girls, while the cats snuggled between their bodies. "What's happened?"

She hesitated, glancing at their daughters, "Girls, can you tell Arthur a story?" She asked, gently placing the baby between them, hoping it would provide a distraction for them while she spoke with the Doctor.

They nodded. The more people in their warmth pile, the better. River moved to the other side of the bed, fixing the blankets around the children to make sure they were as warm as possible before turning to the Doctor.

"I need you to tell me exactly what happened." The Doctor kept to a whisper, sounding quite serious.

"I don't know." She whispered, "I don't know what's happening. We were here and it felt so real, and then I woke up, or I thought I did, and the TARDIS had crashed, and then I woke up here again, and then there again..." She shook her head, "I don't know what's happening."

"Bravo, Mrs Doctor. You're finally getting it." The comment wasn't from the Doctor.

River jumped to stand in front of the children, looking in the direction of the voice.

Arthur started crying again, and the Doctor glared, " _You_."

River hushed Arthur, scooping him up and holding him close.

"Yes, me. It's not like you were expecting anyone else. And that's not the point, is it?" Though the Dream Lord spoke to the Doctor, his eyes were kept fascinated on River. She didn't look at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of having her attention. "You still haven't told her, naughty little Doctor. I almost want to ruin the surprise myself." What ever sort of cheery tone he put on was obviously a mask and could almost be mistaken for disgust.

"Told me what?" She looked at the Doctor.

"What's going on... It's happened to me before. _He's_ happened to me before." The Doctor admitted.

"What do you mean?" She asked, frowning.

"It was a long time ago, with your parents. He showed up and trapped us in two different worlds-"

"-One was reality and one was a dream." The Dream Lord cut in. "Both will try to kill you."

"How do we make is stop?" She asked the Doctor, still not acknowledging the Dream Lord.

"We have to figure which is which before we die in reality." He muttered.

"What?" She stared at him, "How could you not tell me this?"

"I was trying to, but things kept getting in the way and not dying was a little higher on the list." He shivered.

She shook as well, curling against him, "I can't tell which one is false, they both feel so real."

"That really is a shame, dearie." The Dream Lord said unsympathetically. "Because you're the one who has to chose."

"Why am I the one that has to choose?!" She snapped.

"You're pieces in my game. You move where I tell you to, and I say the choice is to be made by you. It was ever so entertaining to see your mother struggle." He added.

"Doctor," She whispered, looking up at him, "Is there any other way to end this?"

He shook his head. "He won't stop switching us until you've chosen, or we're dead in both worlds."

"I don't know." She shook her head, burying her face in her hand, "I don't know. I can't risk choosing the wrong one and killing our children, and you."

"Look for dream jets." He tried offering. "I sorry this responsibility has been put on you, but we all trust you. We'll be okay so long as we keep moving."

"It has to be the other one..." She thought slowly, "The TARDIS cannot be destroyed with a crash, at least not to the point of dying. It's impossible."

"The TARDIS is also completely drained of power here and drifting towards a cold star. Is that any more possible?"

"Perhaps they're both false then..." She breathed.

"Oh for Pete's sake." The Dream Lord interrupted and rolled his eyes. "You're boring me already. I've got an idea. Let's split you up with the kiddos. Say goodnight to Mummy and Daddy."

"No!" River cried, jumping to grab the children as if that would protect them.

The Doctor moved to do the same, already covering his ears to block out the bird chirps even though it made no difference. River tried her best to stay awake, wrapping her arms around the three kids.

"Mummy, don't go to sleep," Freya begged.

"I won't, sweetie." She whispered, fighting had to stay awake.

"You will." The Dream Lord countered, easily intensifying the urge to giving into sleep.

"I'm going to stop this." She whispered to the girls, "Mummy will stop this, don't worry." They hugged her closer, the Doctor already unconscious. "Stay warm." She murmured before slipping into sleep.

* * *

The gas was only a few yards away from River, and there was blood pooling beneath her legs. River jolted awake, about to scramble to her feet until she looked down. When she saw the blood, she screamed.

The Doctor was still running to her, close enough to hear her. He only ran faster, carrying his two unconscious daughters. She was paralyzed by the sight, clutching Arthur closer to her. The baby's head lolled, still trapped in the other world.

It was a few minutes before the Doctor managed to finally reach her, completely out of breath.

"It's this one." She was shaking, "This is the dream."

He set the girls down, getting down River's level. Seeing the blood, he pulled her against him. "Are you sure?"

She buried her head into him, "I don't know, but I want it to be."

"We can end it here and now. We could wake up… we could not. You've got to chose, I trust you."

"I choose this one." She whispered, holding him closer. The gas inched nearer.

"I'm glad the kids aren't here to see it." He murmured. "Because death it the way out."

"If I chose wrong, I want you to know that I love you." She moved to hold the girls, wanting to be close to her family.

"I know." He breathed.

"I love you, too." He cupped her face and kissed her, the gas engulfing them.

It wasn't completely painless. It stung their eyes and lungs. They clung to each other as suffocation set it, but almost as soon as it did, they felt everything stop and go cold. Thoughts faded away the world stopped.

A little hand poked at River's shoulder. She slowly began to stir, eyes opening. The little hand persisted, trying to shake her. She opened her eyes fully, looking in the direction of the shaking.

"M-M-Mummy!" Amelia tried to say, too cold to say it steadily.

"Amelia!" She smiled as much as her frozen form could, squeezing her tightly.

"Th-the ice got in h-here too." She buried her face in her mother's shoulder.

"Mummy will save you." River whispered, slowly getting up, ice clinging to her hair and frosting the tips of her fingers blue. She moved as quickly as she could to the console room. The Doctor followed.

The console room hardly had an inch of surface that wasn't iced over. "This one is a dream too." She said with some effort, "We have to stop it."

The Doctor didn't question her this time, already knowing that she was right. He moved to the controls along side her. It took some effort to move the buttons and levers, but after some force, she was able to get them to go the way she wanted. They worked together to set the ship for destruction until there was only one button left to press.

"Ready?" She whispered, hand hovering over the button.

He put his hand over hers and nodded. "Together." She lowered her hand on the button.

Death came quickly this time, in a huge white flash of light.

The Doctor felt as though he was just a consciousness floating in limbo, that was, until warmth engulfed him and he felt the bathroom floor under his face. The light became white tile as he realized his head was very sore.

There was a splash beside him as River scrambled to stand up in the tub, practically falling out of it. She quickly grabbed a bathrobe, securing it tightly around herself.

"River?" He sat up and look up at her.

She relaxed once she realized that everything was alright, "Oh...sorry. I had the worst nightmare..."

"Wasn't a nightmare." He whispered, standing.

"What?" She stared at him, wrapping her arms around her belly.

"I had it, too. The Dream Lord, the two worlds. That happened." He reached for her.

She took a step back, "No…"

"River listen to me, we're alright now. Everything's okay now, it was an alternate reality." He explained, realizing she'd misunderstood.

She relaxed just slightly, "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Positive... but we can check if you want." She nodded slowly. He took her hand and offered a smile. "Come on." She let him lead her, still appearing nervous. "We can check on the kids first." He offered. She nodded, turning and heading for Arthur's room.

Arthur was whimpering in his crib, complaining about his 'nightmare'.

"Oh, it's alright, my love." River quickly walked over to his crib, lifting him up and cuddling him close to her chest, "Mumma's here now."

 _Cold, cold! Cough-y air, scary stranger! Not a big bother!_ Arthur was still in a panic about the whole thing.

"Shhh, shhhh." River rocked him back and forth, "You're warm now, there's no stranger here, just Mummy and Daddy."

 _Big brother?_ He curled to her.

She laughed softly, "Yes, you're still a big brother." She looked up at the Doctor.

He smiled back at her, then at their son. "Everything's alright now. Go back to sleep, lovie."

"Mummy and Daddy will come back and check on you soon." She whispered, kissing his forehead. Arthur seemed content with the answer, happy to be put back in his crib. "I love you, sweetie. Sweet dreams." She tucked him, back in, walking back out.

They went to the girl's room next though they were already up and murmuring to each other.

"Are you girls alright?" River asked softly.

"We just had the same dream," Freya informed her, confused by the fact.

"You know, that can sometimes happen with twins if they have a very special bond." River lied, smiling at her daughters.

The girls grinned excitedly at each other, sharing something unspoken then giggling.

"It's the middle of the night, try and get some more sleep," River smiled, kissing both of their foreheads.

"Why are you awake?" Amelia asked, crawling back under her covers.

"Daddy and I were watching a movie and it just finished." She lied again.

"Kiss me goodnight?" She asked.

"Of course." She smiled, leaning down to kiss her daughter on the cheek.

"Me too!" Freya insisted.

"Don't worry, I'm not forgetting about you." She walked over to her and kissed her as well.

"Night, Mummy."

"Goodnight, my beautiful girls. Sweet dreams." She smiled, once again leaving with the Doctor.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

She nodded, "Yes, I'm relieved now."

"Good." He wrapped an arm around her. "Still want to check?"

"If you don't mind."

"Not at all." He lead her to towards the medbay. She squeezed his hand as they walked, a bit nervous about seeing their baby for the first time.

He began to set things up when they arrived, letting River seat herself on the cot. She sat slowly, adjusting her robe so he could get to her stomach. He put the gel on her skin and got to work with the probe, all the while making his movements gentle.

She closed her eyes again, mentally preparing herself to see the baby. The Doctor tapped the screen after a moment. "There we are." He murmured softly.

She slowly opened her eyes, looking up at the screen. He tilted it towards her, tracing over the image. "Head, body, legs... do you want me to find the heartbeats?" She stared at the image, not answering him right away. "...Riv?" He took her hand.

"Yeah?" She breathed, squeezing his hand softly.

"You alright?"

She nodded, giving his hand another squeeze.

"Is... this alright?" He gestured to the screen.

"Of course, it's alright, it's just..." She trailed off, "It's the first time we're seeing our baby… sometimes I forget how monumental this moment is."

"Me too." He agreed. "Though I'm quite enjoying it."

"So am I." She whispered, surprising herself a bit.

"Heartbeats, then?" He asked.

She nodded, "I want to hear them." He nodded and released her hand so he could isolate the hearts and amplify their sound. "Wow..." She whispered.

"Nice and strong, no complications there." He commented, unconsciously beaming.

She reached for his hand again, pulling him closer to her. He put the probe down and settled on the edge on the bed. "Lay with me?" She asked softly. He nodded, turning off the ultrasound then laying next to her.

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" She asked softly.

"Statistics say boy, but my gut says girl." He settled his arms around her.

"That's what you said the last time." She smiled.

"Well maybe I'll be right this time." He teased. "Unless you think it's a boy, in which case the universe will generally take your side on it."

She shook her head, "I happen to agree with you this time."

"We should still think of a boy's name, just in case." "Do you have any in mind?"

"I like Ian... or Wilfred." He suggested.

"I like those." She smiled, tracing circles on his chest, "What about Jack?"

"Absolutely not."

She giggled, "Oh, why not?" She teased.

"Because- Didn't we have this conversation the last time we were naming babies?" He realized.

She laughed again, "Yes, because you know I love teasing you with that name."

"You wouldn't _really_ name our kids that, would you?" He asked cautiously.

"No, I wouldn't." She pressed a kiss to his chin, "Besides, I don't think you have to worry about that since we're having a girl."

"I'll worry until we're 100% percent certain of that." He couldn't help a grin. "And even then I'll worry a little because maybe she'll be a boy in her next regeneration and choose Jack as a name."

"That's also a possibility with Amelia and Freya." She smiled.

He exaggerated a groan and buried his face in her shoulder. "Any name but Jack."

"Really? _Any_ name?"

"Okay, maybe not _any_ name." He corrected, knowing his wife could think of much worse.

She hummed, "But if it's a girl, I know we talked about Terra Aurora Song, but since we have Arthur now, I was thinking maybe we could change her middle name?"

He nodded. "What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking maybe Vastra?"

He smiled and held her closer. "That's perfect."

She smiled, curling into his arms, "I'm glad you like it."

"Vastra's been the best a friend can be to us without question. I think she's more than earned this."

"Of course she has. Shall we tell her or do you want to keep it a surprise?"

"A surprise for now." He decided.

She nodded, nuzzling his cheek. "Our secret."

"We should get some sleep. Real sleep."

She nodded, "Alright."

He got up from the bed. She followed, taking his hand and walking back to their bedroom. They settled back in the bed, the Doctor snuggling up to her again. She yawned, resting one hand on her belly.

"River?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad it wasn't real. What happened, I mean." He was still thinking about the blood.

She tensed a bit, curling closer to him, "...Me too."

He held her closer, thinking that doing so would help to stop reminding him of all the other memories it brought up. She squeezed her eyes shut, the memories that haunted her dreams rising from the back of her mind.

"Arthur seems excited." The Doctor said, trying to distract the both of them.

She nodded, "I'm happy he's excited. He keeps calling himself big brother."

"It's a very exciting thing when you're only eight months old. Maybe he see's how much the girls like it." He added.

"Oh, my..." She breathed, "I keep forgetting he's only eight months old."

"He'll be nearly a year and a half when he gets his little sister. Or brother." He pointed out.

"Well, not exactly." She shook her head, "I'm nearly four months now, so that means the baby's due in another four months and he'll just be a year by then."

"Oh, right." He nodded. "I forgot how far along you are."

"He's still so young..." She murmured, "I wish we had waited."

"We can handle it." He encouraged.

"Are you sure?"

"Do you remember when we saved those hostages on Raxomairi with nothing but a bottle of seltzer, a pistol, and an earring? A baby will be a piece of cake." He assured.

"We're not going to have any time with the girls anymore." She worried.

"You said the same when Arthur was only a month old. We'll _always_ be able to make time for our daughters." She sighed, closing her eyes, still worrying. He kissed her forehead in quite assurance.

"Goodnight." She murmured, trying to push the stressful thoughts away.

"Goodnight, love." He replied softly. She closed her eyes, thankfully not taking long to slip into sleep.


	22. Universe in a Box

**Ch 22**

The auditorium was almost completely full of parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and every other kind of family that a little kid could have. River and the Doctor had managed to get seats close to the stage, bringing Jack, Ianto, Vastra, and Jenny along with them. (Strax was made to wait out of sight as to not scare the humans and Vastra wore her vial for the same reason.)

"Did you get the flowers? And did you remember to bring the camera?" River asked, bouncing the fussy baby in her arms, checking the clock once again to see what time it was.

"Yes, and yes, don't worry." The Doctor smiled, camera at the ready. He pulled out a pacifier for Arthur. "Your filter still working?"

"Yes, but I wore a loose dress just in case." She murmured, kissing Arthur's forehead as he finally settled down. "How were they when you dropped them off? Was Freya remembering her lines?"

"Wouldn't stop reciting them. They're out of their skin with excitement." He informed her.

She smiled, "Good, I'm glad."

The lights started to dim and the audience around them quieted down. The curtains opened, the girls on stage with their class. They were in flower costumes, beaming.

River's smile grew when she saw her daughter's, thrilled that they were smiling so brightly. They spotted her and waved as discreetly as they could as the number started.

"Take a picture!" River whispered, waving back at the girls. The Doctor fumbled, getting the camera up and snapping a photo along with most of the other parents. She beamed, even Arthur's attention being drawn to the stage.

The girls sang along cheerfully with the others on stage, only fumbling the dance once or twice. Arthur thankfully remained calm throughout the performance, only getting fussy at the very end.

The audience cheered and clapped as the children bowed. Arthur didn't like how noisy it had gotten and started whimpering.

"I'll meet you outside." River murmured, getting up and carrying the baby out before he started to full on cry. The Doctor nodded.

Arthur squirmed but soon calmed as they got further from the loud people. River sat down outside the auditorium, bouncing the baby and talking quietly to him.

 _Flowers._ He thought about the pretty colored plant things his parents had brought, only recently having learned the name. "Looowuf!" He tried to say. Arthur had made a new game of attempting to say words he liked, though couldn't never really get the hang of it.

She laughed, "Flowers, my sweet. Fffff-lowers."

"Fooo-wuh." He tried again.

She smiled, kissing his forehead, "Very close, sweetie."

"Muh!" He grinned. 'Muh', 'no', and 'Da' were the only things he could stay without much trouble.

"Yes! Very good!" She laughed again, beaming, "Your sisters will be out very soon."

 _They won't bring the loud, will they?_ He asked, unsure.

"I don't know, my sweet. They might, but I promise it won't last very long."

He buried his face against her. _No loud_.

"It's alright, I've got you." She murmured, rubbing his back.

The auditorium doors opened and people started filing out of the room. Clara was the first to find River, having sat away from the rest of her friends since she had to help out with lighting. She greeted the woman with a hug. "What'd you think?"

"Oh, it was wonderful! All of the children did so well." River smiled, hugging her tightly.

Arthur waved his arms, grabbing onto Clara's shirt. "Oh, careful there, kiddo." She laughed, trying to detach herself from the baby's grip.

"Are you coming over?" River asked. All of their friends had agreed to have a little after party at their flat.

"'Course I am! Wouldn't miss it." She smiled brightly. "But I've got to stay and help clean up, so unless you're all willing to wait a bit, I'll be a bit late."

"Oh, I would stay and help, but it's way past Arthur's bedtime and he's been getting fussy."

"I can tell." Clara managed to free herself from Arthur's grip. "I'll catch up later, then."

River nodded, "See you soon." She turned to look for her family, letting Clara greet the rest of her students.

Jack and Ianto found River next, though they stayed and made pleasant conversation with her. Ianto was holding Arthur when the rest of the gang came chasing behind the girls. Freya and Amelia were beyond themselves with pride and excitement for the party, tackling River with hugs.

River hugged them tightly, "Oh, I'm so proud of you! You both performed so wonderfully!" They both tried to say something at once, sounding like an overloaded computer. "Slow down, girls." She laughed, "One at a time."

"Daddy said there would be chocolate cake and I want ice cream too and can we stay up late, pretty please?" Amelia said.

"Well, alright. I suppose you can." She nodded, "Are you ready to go?"

Freya nodded. "Auntie Vastra's ready to be out of her vial."

"Alright, then we'll get going." She took both of the girls hands, leading them out and making sure the rest of the group was following.

The girls waved to their friends as they left, walking home with their family. They chattered the whole way, Freya announcing that she was going to be a movie star one day.

The group filled up the dining room of the flat, River going to put the baby down before she and the Doctor brought out dinner. It was the girls' favorite: homemade mac' and cheese. There was also a fruit salad and some wine for the adults.

River poured wine for each adult, except for herself and the Doctor, and helped the girls get food.

"I wanna do a toast!" Amelia insisted, standing on her chair.

"Alright, be careful." River warned, not wanting her to fall off the chair. She took her seat beside the Doctor.

Amelia cleared her throat for dramatic affect. "Ahem! I wanna make a toast because... because it's been a really brilliant night and I've got people to thank for thank. Thanks for coming to see me in my show, we worked really hard. Thank you Mummy and Daddy for helping make costumes and driving us around and stuff and making my favorite dinner." She picked up her cup of milk. "To, um, to acting and family!"

The table followed her lead, raising their glasses and repeating "To acting and family!"

Freya and Amelia got up so they could clink glasses with everyone. Amelia paused at River. "Mumma, you forgot your wine."

"Oh, no, I didn't forget. I'm not going to have wine tonight." She glanced at the Doctor, seeing if he was ready for them to make their announcement. He glanced back with confidence.

"But you _always_ have wine." Amelia countered.

She laughed, "I don't _always_ have wine, my love. Now, Daddy and I have our own announcement to make."

Amelia's excitement grew again as she scurried back to her seat and stood on her chair once more so she could announce to the table: "One more thing! Mummy and Daddy have something to tell us!"

River stood and started taking off her perception filter. "Well, the Doctor and I are quite pleased to announce that in a few months, there will be another addition to our family." River smiled, taking the Doctor's hand and squeezing it.

The adults immediately smiled and congratulated her, but the smile couldn't have been wiped off Amelia's face quicker. The girl sat in silent shock, staring at her mother. Freya wore a similar expression.

The smile left River's face one she saw the girls' expressions. She went over to kneel in front of them, "What's wrong, my loves?"

"I don't want you to die again!" Amelia burst out, louder than necessary.

"Oh, sweetie. That's not going to happen this time, I promise. Things are very, very different. I'm not going to die, everything will be alright." She wrapped her arms around the little girls, pulling them close.

Freya sniffed."You said that last time. You kept saying it was fine. You _lied_ to us and then you left us!"

"I'm not lying, honestly. Last time, there was something wrong with the place where the baby grows, but this time, it's all fixed. I cross my hearts that nothing is wrong this time." She held them tighter, wishing she could just take away all the fear.

They clung to her. "How's it fixed?"

"It's very complicated, but I promise that it's all fixed. I would never decide to have another baby if I knew I would be leaving you."

"B-but what if something happens." Amelia warbled. "Something _always_ happens."

River bit her lip, glancing at the Doctor for help.

"Amelia," He got up went to them, doing as River had done. "We're not going to shut you out. If something happens, we'll let you know. But if something does happen, I'll be able to fix it. I can fix almost anything, can't I?"

She nodded, hesitantly, "But what if you can't fix it?"

"Then I've got the help of all your Uncles and Aunts. I've got the universe in a box. Something somewhere will be able to help, I promise." He assured.

"Are you still upset?" River asked gently.

Amelia shook her head, worn out. "I'm scared."

"How can I fix that." She hugged her once more, all of the negative feelings about the pregnancy that she had still been fighting starting to arise again.

"Can I sit on your lap for dinner?" She asked shyly.

River nodded, "Of course, sweetie." Amelia brought her food over to River's place at the table.

Quiet conversation resumed. River tried to reignite the happiness and excitement of the night, though she felt as if she had ruined it. The girls distracted themselves with eating and talking to their family about the play, though they clearly weren't as energized as they were before.

Once everyone had finished dinner the plates were cleared, and the cake was brought out. River stayed behind in the kitchen to wash the dishes. The Doctor volunteered to help her, doing the drying. River was quiet as they washed.

"...You doing alright?" He asked after a while.

"Yes..." She murmured, "Are you?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I am."

"I ruined tonight..." She whispered.

"River, you didn't." He looked at her.

"I _did_." She stopped what she was doing, "They were so happy and now..."

"Now they'll come to terms with it and learn that it's going to be okay." He finished.

She sighed, "But they shouldn't have to do that. We should have talked to them about this."

"They would've had the same reaction. It had to happen one time or another," He pointed out.

She swallowed, "I'm worried that we made the wrong choice."

"We can't change it now." He wasn't sure exactly which choice she was referring to. "We've got to persevere with what we've got."

"I'm sorry." She whispered, "You're right." She went back to washing the dishes, falling silent again. He feared he might have said the wrong thing, but didn't push the topic further.

They washed and dried for another minute before Amelia tiptoed in with her plate, tugging on River's dress. "I'm done with my cake."

"Ah, thank you, my sweet." River murmured, taking the dirty plate from her and sticking it in the sink.

Amelia watched her movements, eyes falling to her belly. "It grew...?" She hadn't noticed before.

"Well, no, not exactly. I've just been wearing a perception filter."

"The thing that hides it?" She confirmed.

River nodded, "Yes, exactly."

"Who were you hiding from?" She looked up at her mum.

"Well, I just wanted to hide it until I decided to tell you." She explained.

"Why did you wait?" Amelia's tone was curious.

River shook her head, not wanting to talk about it, "How about you go back out and play with your Aunts and Uncles. They're going to leave soon."

"They want you to come, too." She informed.

"Alright, I'll be in in a minute."

Amelia nodded and hugged River's legs before scurrying back to the others.

River turned off the tap, turning to the Doctor, "Are you coming back in with me?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "We've got people waiting."

She sighed, starting to walk back into the other room. He briefly wondered if he'd said something wrong again or she just didn't want to deal with people. Either way, he put on an assuring face for her and the girls, following her back to their guests.

River put on a happy face for her guests as they walked back into the room, taking a seat on the couch in the living room where the group was now gathered. The girls quickly snuggled up with River, wanting to be physically close to her.

The conversation somewhat revolved around the new baby, though no one mentioned the girls' reaction. Vastra was quite chipper, proud of River for her progress. River tried to seem as happy as possible, though all the questions about the baby were rather overwhelming. She glanced at Vastra, considering telling her about the name they had chosen later on.

"Mummy?" Freya tugged on her arm. "Am I having a little brother or little sister?"

"The baby's going to be a girl. So you'll have a little sister." She smiled weakly.

She smiled back, genuinely interested in the news, as was everyone else. "Can we name her Elsa like the ice queen?"

River laughed softly, kissing her forehead, "We'll see." She glanced at the Doctor, unsure if they should share the name they picked. He looked back at her and shrugged as to say now was no different than later.

"We actually have pretty much decided on a name." River began, glancing around the room.

"Is it a pretty name?" Freya asked, everyone's eyes on her in anticipation.

"Well, I think it's pretty." She smiled, "Daddy's Mum's title was Terra, so we've decided to name her Terra."

"Ooh, I _like_ that," Clara grinned.

"Good choice." Jack agreed.

"Thank you." River beamed, "We've picked her middle name as well..."

"Let's hear then!" Clara leaned forwards excitedly.

"The Doctor and I both thought it would be fitting if her middle name was Vastra." She said, looking to Vastra.

The woman let out a small gasp of pleasant shock, an ear to ear smile breaking out on her face. "I'm... more than honored."

River smiled, getting up to go hug her friend, "I'm glad you're happy. You deserve it."

Vastra hugged her tightly. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"It's the least I could do." She whispered.

"It's more than the _most_ you could do." She let out a chuckle.

River smiled, giving her one last squeeze before returning to her seat. Vastra seated herself closer to River this time, smile never faltering.

The rest of the night went on rather smoothly, their friends all departing late into the evening. Jack and Ianto helped carry the girls to their rooms before they left since the two children had fallen asleep listening to their family talk. The paternoster gang were the last to depart, Vastra was still beside herself, giving River more hugs at the door.

River smiled, "We'll keep you updated."

"Thank you." Vastra beamed, wishing them goodbye and good luck. River waved, closing the door behind him and then turning to the Doctor.

"You feeling alright?" He asked with a soft smile.

She nodded, smiling back, "Better than before."

"That's good. Vastra was quite happy about the name." He reminisced.

"I know." She hugged him tightly, "I'm so glad."

"Me, too." He relaxed against her, pleased that she'd cheered up.

"Do you want to take a bath with me? I think I could just a quick soak to relax before bed." She murmured, heading for the stairs.

He nodded and followed. "I'd love to."

She smiled back at him, climbing up the stairs and into their bathroom, running the water. They undressed, discarding their clothes in the corner of the bathroom before climbing into the filling tub.

River let out a sigh, relaxing in the warm water surrounding her.

"The girls were quite good in their play." He rested his arm on her shoulders.

"Yes, they were excellent. I was very impressed." She hummed, resting her hand on her belly.

His hand followed soon after, resting over hers. "She's getting big."

"She's healthy. Though I'm starting to wonder if there is two of them in there." She joked, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I think you were bigger with the twins at this point." He laughed.

She laughed weakly, "I don't remember anymore it was so long ago."

"They're not even six yet." He chuckled. "Good thing we have pictures."

She nodded, "How did we not figure out there we two of them until so late when I was _that_ big."

"Neither of us had seen a Gallifreyan pregnancy in a long while. Plus, Freya's placenta was blocking Amelia on the ultrasound." He reasoned.

"Yes, I suppose so. I think Terra's going to be big. She's bigger than Arthur was." She commented, putting her other hand to her side.

"You're also in a better condition that you were with him." He added.

She nodded, "Yes, that's true. But he turned out just fine. He's healthy now and just as big as he should be."

"And I'm sure Terra will be, too." He grinned.

"You know, I do feel as if I'm running low on kisses." She murmured.

"Well, it just so happens that I have some." He chuckled, leaning over to kiss her. She beamed, pressing her lips gently against his, moving her hand to rest against his cheek.

He hummed contently. "Anything else you need, love?"

She shook her head, "No, I'm fine just laying here for a few more minutes."

"Maybe more than a few minutes." It was so pleasantly warm, he didn't want to get out soon.

"That's fine with me." She hummed, closing her eyes. He grinned to himself.

They stayed curled up in the bath with each other for a while, just enjoying the calm, before something pushed against River's hand.

River had been starting to fall asleep when she felt the push, startled awake. "Doctor? Did you feel that?"

"What?" He asked, tone still relaxed. "I think she just kicked..." She breathed, sitting up a bit more.

He woke up a bit more at that, repositioning his hand next to hers. She waited to see if the baby would move again and confirm what she thought she had felt.

A moment passed before the little foot pressed against their hands again. She took in a gasp, a wide smile spreading across her face.

"That was most definitely a kick." His expression matched hers.

River laughed, leaning over to kiss him, glowing. He moved his lips softly against hers. "Today is full of surprises."

"It certainly is." She whispered, "She's strong."

"Just like her Mummy." He commented.

"Oh, stop." She smiled softly.

"Never." He teased, feeling Terra tumble and kick softly.

River laughed as Terra tumbled around, "She certainly had lots of energy."

"Maybe it's the cake you ate."

"Maybe.. .or maybe she's hungry again." She murmured.

"Is that a hint that you want more cake?" He chuckled.

She smiled, "Yes. And I think Terra would also like some apple pie."

"That will require some baking unless you want to skip that and see of the TARDIS has some." He informed.

"I don't mind baking." She murmured, "As long as you don't mind."

"Not at all." He grinned, reaching for the drain. She smiled back, kissing his jaw then standing and getting out of the tub.

The water drained and the Doctor grabbed towels for the both of them. She took her towel from him, drying off and then wrapping her arms around his waist, "Love you."

"I love you, too." He kissed her.

They headed off to the TARDIS's kitchen, leaving the door open in case the girls were to need them. They spent the next hour or two baking pie. Time lost meaning to them as they laughed with each other and exchanged kisses and flour on each other's noses. All the while, Terra playing with her new found ability to kick.

As the smell of the pie filled the room, River took the Doctor's hands, pulling him into the middle of the room, "Do you remember the first time we went dancing?"

"The _very_ first time? I tripped so much, it's hard to forget." His cheeks gained a slight dust of red.

She laughed, "The first time you took me dancing, you were absolutely perfect. I suppose you had gotten the hang of it by then."

"Oh yeah, that wasn't my first time, though." He recalled. It was all wibbly-wobbly, but luckily her first time dancing with him hadn't been his last with her. "It was your birthday, wasn't it?"

She smiled, nodding. "And, do you remember when we found out I was pregnant with the girls?"

He nodded. "That was a life changer."

She squeezed his hand, "But, a good one, right?"

"Not a doubt." He confirmed, grinning widely.

"Do you think we ever would have had children if I hadn't… if I hadn't come to you after my miscarriage." She whispered.

"I think it would've happened eventually." He shrugged. "But time took this path and now we're here."

She looked up at him, nodding slowly.

"I like it here." He offered a warm smile and tapped her nose. "Dance with me?"

"I'd love to." She whispered, giving him a weak smile.

He placed his hands gently on her waist as the TARDIS started some music to dance to. She swayed gently with him, tiredness starting to settle in.

They danced until the timer for the pie beeped. He pulled away and put the done food on the counter top.

"It smells wonderful." She murmured, "Though I'm not terribly hungry anymore."

"Pie for breakfast then?" He suggested.

She smiled, "That'll give it time to cool. Bed now?"

He nodded. "Bed now."

She took his hand, turning off the lights and walking upstairs, not bothering to go to the bedroom in their flat.

They got into bed, curling up to each other. "Night, love." He said.

"Goodnight." She whispered, drifting off.


	23. In the Dark of the Night

**Ch 23**

In the early hours of the morning, River woke up screaming. The Doctor shot up at the noise, panic flooding him. "River!" She was sitting up in bed shaking like a leaf, eyes wide open. "River? River what's wrong." He urged, moving his hands up and down her arms. "Talk to me, are you okay?"

She nodded slowly, confirming that she was alright, "I had a nightmare." She whispered.

He pulled her against him, hearts still pounding from the startled. "It's alright, you're safe." She held him tightly, her whole being trembling. "It's alright, it's alright." He kept saying in an attempt of comfort. "It's safe here, you're okay."

She buried her face against him, starting to relax after a few minutes. He rocked her a little, continuing a stream of sweet nothings to calm her. "...Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, "No, I just want you to stay with me."

"I'm not going anywhere." He assured, holding her close.

Terra shifted, then kicked softly, having felt the transfer of River's fear. "She's scared," River whispered, putting a hand on her belly.

His hand followed. "Think to her something that isn't scary."

"I-" She started, "Okay, I can do that." She closed her eyes, thinking of the Doctor. Terra began to settle at her mother's thoughts, making the mental equivalent of a smile. "She's calm now." She whispered, "She likes you."

He gave a small smile. "I'm glad." She curled closer to him, keeping her hand on her belly. He slowly lay them back down. "She talked yet?"

"No, not yet." She murmured, "Do you think we should be worried?"

He shook his head. "She's been responsive to your movements and emotions, I think it's alright for now."

She nodded, holding onto his arm, "We should call Vastra and tell her that she moved. She'll want to know."

"In the morning." He agreed. "You need your rest."

"I don't want to go back to sleep." She whispered.

"...Are you worried you might have another nightmare?" He asked carefully.

She nodded slowly, "Yes."

"Can I help?"

"How?"

"Telepathically." He replied. "Just something to make you feel better."

She glanced at the clock, sighing, "No, we have to get up with the girls soon anyway." She whispered.

"Oh. Alright." He hadn't realized the time, though still was on the side of River sleeping.

"Are you alright?" She asked softly.

He nodded. "I should be asking the same to you."

"Yeah, I'm fine." She whispered, tracing her hand along her abdomen.

"You're worried." He murmured.

"Yes, but...I'll be alright." She breathed, giving him a small smile.

"I know." He returned the gesture. "But I want to be there for you any way I can." "

But I don't want to cause you any additional worry." She murmured.

"I'm your husband, River. It's our jobs to take care of each other regardless." He replied.

She sighed softly, "It's about Terra..."

"What about her?" He encouraged.

"Well, you said it before. She hasn't used words yet. All of our children had used words by now..." She breathed.

"You're right..." This caught his attention, it having not occurred to him before. "Do you think something's wrong?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm worried. But like you said, she's been responding to all of my other mental cues..."

"So probably not something mentally wrong, just sensory." He suggested.

"So...you do think something's wrong then?" She whispered, her hearts quickening.

"Well, she's healthy physically and mentally, we can confirm that easily." He started. "But, I wouldn't ignore your instincts."

"I don't want there to be something wrong." She whispered, terrified of the idea that something wasn't right with their baby.

"River, I'm sure she's alright. We can get up and check." He offered.

She nodded, "I'd appreciate that."

"Come on." He got up, offering a hand and a weak smile. She smiled back, getting up slowly, though her stomach was in knots.

He lead her to the medbay. "There's a device from Oculi V that they invented to specifically observe the brain waves of fetuses."

"Okay..." She whispered, "How does it work?"

"I just rest it on your belly. Lie down." He instructed. The device was curved to fit around her.

She nodded, laying down on the cot. He placed the scanner over her, staring it up. It made a small whirring noise and he took her hand. "It'll transfer the data to my sonic. We'll have results in a mo'." She nodded, reaching for his hand.

They waited for a moment in anticipation before the whirring stopped. He squeezed her hand and got out his sonic. She squeezed his hands tightly.

He examined the data. "...It's her hearing."

"What?" She whispered, her hearts pounding, "What about her hearing?"

"Well... there isn't really any." He rubbed the back of his head. "She can't hear."

"What?" She stared at him, hands shaking, "No, no that can't be right. Run the test again."

"River..." He hesitated, then nodded and ran it again. She closed her eyes, praying that the results had been wrong.

The Doctor looked at his sonic again, shaking his head. "Still the same."

She shook her head, "No..."

"River," He tried again. "It's... not the end of the world." It wasn't exactly the news he wanted to hear, but it also wasn't something he considered awful.

"It's my fault...this is because of me." She whispered, her heart pounding and her head spinning. Although this news wasn't catastrophic, she was still upset, feeling that the things she had down early on in the pregnancy had caused this.

"No, River. It's not your fault. There's no way of telling that at this point. It'll be okay. Our baby is okay right now, and that's what matters." He tried to assure.

"But if I had taken care of her better in the beginning. If I hadn't done all those things that I _knew_ could harm her..." She took the device off of herself and stood up, needing air before she passed out.

The Doctor hesitated to follow her, thinking she'd need space, though decided to go after her anyway. He was a few paces behind.

She fled out of the TARDIS, heading for their backyard. Toby caught sight of her running, following her out to pet door to the yard. He barked excitedly at her, thinking it was breakfast time. She ignored him, slowly sinking down to the ground until she was sitting in the middle of the yard. Toby rubbed his face against her shoulder, sitting next to her. She still didn't acknowledge his presents, staring blankly at the space in front of her.

The Doctor caught up with her, coming into the yard out of breath. The sun wasn't fully up, sending soft patterns of light across the yard. He walked over to her, sitting next to her quietly. He didn't try to say anything, though offered his hand to hold.

She turned her head away from him so she couldn't see him, keeping her hands tightly in her lap. He sighed inaudibly, slowing taking his hand back and looking out at the yard.

"Please, leave me alone." She whispered.

He didn't say anything, getting up and going back to the house. Her words sat in him like cold water, but he knew that she needed time to process this without him hovering.

Toby followed the Doctor as he went to get the girls ready for their day.

River sat, silent and unmoving for most of that morning. The girls peered out the window to watch her for a bit, not understanding why she was just sitting outside. Though they were excited to get to school and talk to their friends about the previous night's performance, so they didn't pay her too much mind.

The Doctor and Toby took the girls to school before going on the dog's walk, as was routine for school mornings. On their return, Toby ran straight to the back yard to sit with River again.

The Doctor didn't, assuming her request was still to be abided by. Instead, he went to the kitchen to make her something, knowing she hadn't eaten today.

The phone rang, while he was in the kitchen with Vastra on the other end, calling to see how the family was doing after the previous night. The Doctor paused his cooking and answered, though regretted the action as he wasn't exactly sure how to respond to it. "Um... Well, Terra started kicking." He said, recalling River's idea to tell Vastra.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Vastra sounded very excited, "I'm sure you two are thrilled!"

"It was a thrilling moment, yes." He agreed, though both of them were currently far from thrilled.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked, sensing something was off by his tone.

"Uh... can you hold for a second." He said in a rush, putting the phone down. He tried to think of what to say, circling around the kitchen for a moment before going to the back yard. "River?"

"What is it?" She asked, only making half of an effort to look at him.

"Vastra's on the phone." He told her nervously. "She... I don't know what to tell her."

"Don't tell her anything," River whispered, slowly standing and going into the house.

"Do you want to take the call?" He asked, still skittish.

She really didn't want to talk to anyone, but she took the phone anyway.

"Doctor?" Vastra sounded more worried than before.

"No, it's River." She whispered.

"Oh. How are you, are you okay?" She asked quickly.

"I'm fine." She murmured, trying to sound as normal as possible, "How are you?"

"Concerned with how your husband was acting." She replied cautiously.

"I'm sure it was nothing, you know how he is sometimes." She tried to wave it off.

Vastra seemed to believe this, audibly relaxing. "He mentioned Terra started kicking."

"Yes, she did." River murmured.

"That's wonderful news! How do you feel?"

"Alright."

"Just alright?" Vastra raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, is there a problem with alright?" She asked.

"No." She amended. "Alright is fine."

"Good." She breathed.

They made small talk for a short while before Vastra finally said she had other business she needed to get to and bid River goodbye.

River put down the phone, slowly walking upstairs to check on Arthur. The baby was still sleeping, gurgling slightly with a stuffed Dalek hugged close to his chest. She touched his cheek gently, careful not to wake him up. Arthur leaned into her touch in his sleep, his gurgling stopping. She kissed his forehead, "Love you, my special boy." She whispered.

He began to stir, blinking sleepily up at her.

"Go back to sleep, my love." She whispered, urging him to rest.

"Muh!" He refused, reaching up for her.

"Would you like to come sleep with Mummy?" She asked, carefully lifting him up.

 _Yes._ Arthur insisted.

She held him close, carrying him back to her room.

 _Mum, mum, mum._ He mentally mumbled.

She smiled weakly down at him, "Yes, I see you."

 _Big brother!_ He grinned. He'd not stopped his excitement about the fact, reminding his parents every day, just in case they'd forgotten.

She swallowed, ignoring the statement and crawling into her own bed with him in her arms.

He snuggled into her. _Sisters?_

"They're at school right now." She murmured, wrapping the blankets around them.

 _Play again?_ He asked.

"No, no play again." She smiled, "Just school."

 _Is Daddy at school?_

"No, I actually don't know where Daddy is." She murmured.

 _Why?_ He frowned.

She just shrugged, "Go to sleep, sweetie."

 _Not tired._ He insisted.

"Well, then why did you want to lay down with me?"

 _Because I love you!_ He giggled and waved his arms.

She laughed softly, kissing one of his hands, "I love you too."

"Muh-mmm!"

"Yes! Very good!" She praised, nuzzling his cheek.

He started babbling nonsense sounds, proud of himself for making the word.

She smiled, "Good boy."

"Da." He said, wondering again where the man was.

River sighed, "Would you like to find him?"

 _Yes._ Arthur confirmed, getting excited. She stood, walking to the door with him to go find the Doctor.

The Timelord had resumed his work in the kitchen making a lunch for the two of them.

She stopped in the doorway, turning Arthur so he could see him, "There. Are you happy now?"

"Da-uh!" He reached out for him with grabbing hands.

The Doctor looked up and smiled at the pair. "Are you hungry?"

"A bit." River murmured, "And I'm sure Arthur is getting hungry as well." She moved closer to him so Arthur could reach.

The baby latched onto his bow tie as the Doctor took him in his arms. "I made fruit salad and sandwiches."

She smiled weakly, "Thank you."

"And you, Mister Grabby Hands," He said to their son. "have delicious mashed carrots and banana." They'd been trying to wean him on to solid foods, which for the most part was proving to work just fine.

River touched the baby's head, kissing him just above his ear. He did a happy sort of wiggle. _Food now._

"Alright, let's sit you down." She murmured, going over to open up his high chair.

Arthur wiggled more, feeling very squirmy this morning. _Food, food, food._

"Settle down, sweetie." She murmured, taking him from the Doctor once more and setting him down in his chair.

The Doctor handed over the baby food as well, going to set their food on the table. River sat in front of the high chair, getting a spoon full of Arthur's lunch and trying to feed it to him. He eagerly opened his mouth and tried to swallow as much as he could, which in reality was only about half a spoonful at a time. She scooped the bit off food that didn't make it into his mouth off his chin, feeding him once more. "Someone likes his carrots."

"Just wait until he can try fish fingers and custard for the first time." The Doctor teased, handing her a plate.

She laughed weakly, feeding Arthur until he was finished before starting in her own food.

"How are you feeling?" The Doctor asked her after a moment.

"Fine." She whispered, "You?"

"Good." He replied with a small smile.

She nodded, "That's good."

"Can we... Find a time to talk about what happened?" He asked.

She tensed but nodded slowly.

"It doesn't have to be terribly soon if you're not ready to." He added.

"What's the point in waiting? It's not going back to go away.."

"No, but waiting might mean you're more open and really _ready_ to talk about it." He pointed out.

"I don't have time to get ready! She's going to be here in a few months and we are by no means ready to take care of a baby who can't hear!"

He sat calmly, trying not to flinch at her tone. Arthur whimpered, not liking it at all. "River, a Deaf child isn't going to..." He paused to think of the wording. "...Be as difficult as you think it is. I know 15 different sign languages from Earth alone, which I'll gladly teach you and the kids."

"Sign language isn't my only concern, Doctor." She glared at him.

"Sorry." He looked at the table. "Tell me more, then."

"We're going to have to find her a special school and we'll have to install alarms that she'll be able to see when the doorbell and the telephone or the fire alarm goes off. We're never going to know what she wants because she doesn't know how to use words. I was already worried about having another baby and now..." She stopped talking, unable to continue.

"You can still use telepathic words with her." He said quietly. All the stuff she'd mentioned was still far off, it wouldn't be needed until Terra was older, but they could handle that. He had a feeling that communication and bonding was a bigger concern to her.

"She doesn't understand them, Doctor." She shook her head, burying her face in her hands.

"Because she doesn't have anything to go on. Remember how you communicated with Arthur before he knew how to use telepathic words?" He urged.

She shook her head, "It won't work."

"Tell me what you tried."

"Why?" She snapped, "I've already told you that it hasn't worked. Why do you have to keep pushing me?"

Arthur burst into tears. _Stop yelling!_

River jumped at the sound of the baby, knocking her glass onto the floor. "I'm sorry, sweetie." She whispered, quickly picking him up, "I'm sorry."

 _You have to let go, you have to let go._

The Doctor started to go clean up the shattered glass. She didn't understand what he was talking about, just continuing to hush him. Arthur kept repeating the phrase.

"Ow."

She put the baby back in his chair, thinking maybe he didn't want her to hold him and then turned to look at the Doctor. The man had stuck his finger in his mouth, "Glass is sharp." He mumbled around the digit.

She rolled her eyes, getting down on the floor to clean it up herself, "Go put a plaster on your finger."

He nodded slowly and went to do as he was told. She cleaned up the shattered glass, dumping the little sparkling bits into the trash. The Doctor returned with a neatly plastered finger, picking up his still complaining son. River sighed, looking at her husband and the baby.

"Do you understand why he's saying that?" The Doctor asked.

"No." She murmured, sitting back down and rubbing her temples.

"Would you like me to tell you?" He sat as well.

"Alright, fine."

"...He means your telepathic link." He said slowly.

"No, absolutely not." She shook her head, "I'm not cutting my link with him. He's not old enough yet."

"Cutting and letting go are different." He sighed. "He's only a little younger than the girls were when they stopped, but your link with them was already thinning as it naturally should. With Arthur, you're holding on more tightly than you should be."

"Then don't make me do something I'm obviously not ready to do." She whispered.

"I'm not making you do anything. I was only suggesting and explaining the situation because it's also why Terra's not responding to you in the way you want."

She shook her head, "This was a mistake. I knew I wasn't ready for another baby yet."

"No." The word came out firmly and not from the Doctor, but the little boy in his arms.

River looked up at him, frowning.

"No!" _Big brother._ Arthur looked quite upset, to say the least. He didn't have the vocabulary to tell River that he cared a great deal about his little sister, but tried to anyway. _Keep her safe. Keep her safe_!

"You, stay out of this." She warned, feeling as though her family was ganging up on her.

"I think it's nap time." The Doctor muttered, more to the baby than to his wife.

River turned to clean the table and wash the dishes. The Doctor sighed, bringing Arthur upstairs before he could start a bigger tantrum.


	24. Downpour

**Ch 24**

Arthur started crying as he was carried upstairs, worried about his baby sister.

"Shh, hush now lovie. She'll be fine. It's alright." The Doctor rocked him as they went to the nursery.

He continued to sob, refusing to calm down.

"Come on little man, I know Mummy would never ever let anything bad happen to your little sister, even if she doesn't act like it all the time. She just scared, she lashes out when she's scared." He tried to assure.

He sniffed, finally starting to settle. The Doctor placed the boy in his crib, leaning over to offer a finger. "Mummy cares about you so much, that's why she doesn't want to let go. She loves you more than she knows what to do with." He smiled. "It's scary, you know, with what happened around your birth. I think... I think she thinks something bad will happen if she lets go. " He sighed, knowing Arthur wouldn't know most of what he was talking about. "Don't worry. She'll be okay eventually."

Arthur whimpered, holding his father's finger tightly, _Love Mummy too...and baby_.

He chuckled softly. "I'll let them know."

He finally settled down enough to take a nap. The Doctor made sure the boy had his stuffed Dalek then turned out the light and left.

He wanted to go to River and at least be able to give her a hug or something along the lines of comfort, but he didn't think she wanted him around her. He decided to instead go to his office in the TARDIS and start looking into the things River had before mentioned they'd eventually need.

River finished washing the dishes in the kitchen, wandering into the TARDIS looking for a distraction. Tiber heard her steps and eagerly went to follow her. She drifted quietly through the halls, stopping in the doorway of the Doctor's office when she noticed the door slightly open.

He was over his desk, scribbling something down on paper. A few books were open around him as well as a tablet. She was so quiet, he didn't notice her, that is until Tiber took the liberty of announcing their presence.

He looked up.

"Is Arthur asleep?" She asked softly, not moving from her place in the doorway.

He nodded. "It took a bit, but I got him to settle down."

She nodded, glancing at the floor, "Good. Do you want me to pick the girls up later?"

"I could come with you." He offered hopefully.

"If you want." She leaned against the doorframe.

"I do." He nodded and offered a smile. "Were you looking for me for something?"

She shook her head, "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." She turned to leave.

"No, it's alright." He stood. "I wasn't that busy." He closed the books.

"I was just going to go read for a bit..." She murmured, still hesitant and backing up further.

"Oh. Alright. You could... read in here. If you want." He offered.

She hesitated, feeling Toby brush up against her leg, "I-" She sighed, "I suppose so."

Tiber and Toby both went to settle on the couch, looking back at River, expecting her to follow. She slowly walked over to the couch, sitting stiffly. The Doctor turned back to his research, thinking that it would be too smothering if he were to come sit with her.

"Are you sure I'm not bothering you? You seem busy." She whispered, glancing at him.

"No, no. Not at all." He insisted, Toby snuggling up to River.

She pet the dog's head absentmindedly. "What are you doing?" She asked softly.

"Looking into all the things you mentioned earlier. Things we'd need for Terra." He told her.

She visibly tensed, "Right...of course. I should leave you to that then." Tiber jumped onto River's lap, settling himself against River's belly. Terra pushed back softly.

River jumped up as soon as Terra kicked, knocking over a few things in the process.

Tiber yelped as he was dumped on the floor and the Doctor looked up, alarmed. "River?"

"I'm sorry, I-" She glanced at the Doctor, "I can't do this." She quickly headed for the door.

"River wait, what happened?" He went after her. "River?"

"I can't do it." She repeated her voice trembling, still making her way down the hall, shaking her head.

"Please, calm down. River, talk to me." He urged, though he already knew what she was talking about.

She slowed to a stop, breathing in such a way that he thought she might need a paper bag. "What is there to talk about?" She fell back against the wall, her whole body shaking, "There's nothing we can do now! There's no way to fix this."

"You said that when we thought you were going to die, and we still beat that, but that's not the point. River, it's not something we're supposed to fix, it's something we're supposed to live with. You're overwhelmed and you have every right to be. It's been less than a day and I _know_ you need more time to deal with this." He sighed. "I just... I need you not to shut me out while you do."

"We didn't beat it." She whispered, turning her head away from him, "I still died. This is all my fault. I should never have agreed to have her."

Terra nudged her ribs.

"Would you give her up now just because of this?"

She tensed even further when Terra kicked, "No... But if I had just made the decision from the start to give her up… or if I had just pulled myself together and not done all of those horribly dangerous things in the beginning, then she wouldn't be like this. It's my fault. And now, every time I look at her, I'll be reminded of how awful I was. Of how I don't deserve her. And of how _I_ am the cause of any struggles she may face because she's deaf."

He disagreed, though knew it wasn't time to voice that. "Then that's when you need to set your mind to. Not what you could have done, not what you might screw up in the future, but how you can limit the struggles she could face. You're her mother and saying you can't do it isn't going to help her. If you don't think you deserve her, then do all you can to earn it."

"I'll never be able to make up for what I did." She shook her head, "And what about the girls now? And Arthur? It's not fair to them that we'll have so much less time for them now. Even less than we had originally thought."

"The girls will be eager to help out, you know they will. There's two of us for a reason. We can balance this out together."

She didn't look convinced, "We have to tell them tonight. We can't keep it from them."

"Do you think you're ready for that?" He asked.

"No." She murmured, "But they'll be upset if we keep it from them. They're upset enough as it is about the whole new baby situation."

"Only because they think they'll lose one of you again. That's not going to happen." He murmured back.

"We still have to tell them." She squeezed her eyes shut, her body refusing to stop shaking.

"I know."

He slowly put a hand on her arm as to make sure it was okay to do so. She slowly turned her head towards him, wanting his comfort. He rubbed her arm, though feeling how much she was really shaking, he pulled her into a warm hug. She fell against him, holding onto him tightly. He let out a breath, relieved that she was letting him close. He made the embrace as welcoming and comforting as he could.

She swallowed, letting out a shaking breath, "We also need to tell Vastra."

"Today?" He clarified, voice soft.

"I don't see the sense in waiting."

"Alright." He nodded. "Let's call her after the girls." She nodded, falling silent. "Do you still want to read your book?" He asked.

She shook her head, "No, I'll just leave you to your work now." She whispered, starting to stand.

"I'll be right here if you need anything." He said, very willing to abandon his work for her.

She nodded, heading for their room on board the TARDIS. She sat for a little while, cleaning a few things up. When it was time to pick the girls up, she headed back to the Doctor's office.

He had began put away his books, leaving his notes out to come back to later.

"I'll go get the baby." She murmured. He nodded, going to get a leash for Toby.

She out to the nursery, to where Arthur was still napping. Being careful not to wake him, she lifted him up out of the crib, blankets and all, and carried him downstairs where the pram was waiting. She set him down, making sure he was still asleep as she re-tucked the blankets around him and pulled the sun visor down so the light wouldn't bother him.

Toby eagerly trotted into the room, dragging in the Doctor by the leash. River looked up, smiling weakly at the sight. "Alright, read-EY!" The last bit was a yelp as Toby gave another firm tug, making the Doctor sprawl forwards.

"Oh! Toby!" River scolded as she pushed the pram out the door, "Gentle!"

The dog listened to her, settling to stroll next to the pram in a protective manner. The Doctor straightened himself out, trying to act as if he'd been in control the whole time.

River smiled, entwining her hand with the Doctor's. "Would you like me to hold the dog and you can push Arthur?"

"No, I can do it." He insisted, puffing his chest out a little.

She squeezed his hand, glancing down at the dog once more. He seemed much more obedient towards her than the Doctor, walking proudly.

"I think he's just excited to do something." The Doctor noted.

She nodded, "Yes, I suppose you're right. We've been so busy with the girls' play we haven't had time for him lately."

"I played with him a lot this week, it's just been today." He pointed out.

She hummed, nodding. "Yes, I guess so."

They made quiet conversation as they went towards the school, arriving and waiting with the other parents. They were still a few minutes early and a couple parents came over to talk to them as they waited. Most were curious about the new baby bump River had since it was her first time out without the perception filter. River tried to seem as relaxed as possible, answering the questions the rest of the parents had.

One mother, who River didn't get along with, and whose daughter the girls' didn't get along with, was standing by, commenting, "Oh my, one baby barely a year and another on the way? Valentine's Day accident?"

The Doctor held River's hand firmly, glaring just the right amount so only she'd notice. "She not an accident." At least, she hadn't been when she was conceived, but the Doctor still took offense. Terra was rare and unique in the universe and these people ought to be honored to be in the presence of a growing Timelord.

"That's the lie we tell all of our accidents." She sneered. The other parents whispered to each other, some in defense of the Songs, the others giving into the other mother, afraid of her.

"Is that what you tell _your_ daughter?" He stood his ground, though wasn't sure where those words had come from. River stared at him, surprised at his reaction.

"Well, I never!" The woman gawked and huffed, sticking her nose in the air. "You ought to learn your place."

"No, you need to learn yours." River snapped, "And maybe you can teach your daughter some manners while you're at it."

"Coming from the woman who let her's miss nearly a month of school for some petty 'family drama'." She shot back.

"You have no idea what goes on with my family," River growled.

"Not when you're so _secretive_ and uptight about every little thing. It's a wonder why no one trusts you." With that, she huffed and walked away, thinking herself above the likes of them.

River turned away, silently waiting for the girls to be let out, which was only a minute later. As soon as they were out the door, she whisked them away, heading home.

"Mummy, we're walking too fast," Freya complained, having thought they might slow down sooner.

She finally started to slow, not realizing how fast she had been walking. "I'm sorry, my love. I didn't realize."

"Are you okay? You and Daddy look kinda mad." She observed.

"We're alright. We got into a little argument with Sasha's mummy. That's all." She murmured, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

"I don't like Sasha." Freya murmured, though appreciated the kiss.

"I know. Let's get home and I'll get you some milk and cookies."

The idea excited both girls and they gladly strolled along back home. Arthur was awake by the time they arrived at home. River set him by his toys in the living room before going to get the girls their snack.

They sat at the kitchen table, completely forgetting to ask more about the argument. River glanced at the Doctor, unsure if now was the time to tell them about their baby sister.

"Once you girls finish that up, Mummy and I have something to tell you." The Doctor said for her.

Amelia looked up in alarm, "A bad thing?"

"That's sort of up for you to decide. Everyone has a different opinion." He said coolly.

She frowned, "What is it?"

"Finish your cookies first." He urged.

"No. I want to know now." She demanded.

"Alright, alright." He sighed, taking River's hand. "It's about your baby sister." River squeezed his hand, her hearts pounding.

"What about her?" Amelia seemed even more alarmed now.

He went right on with it. "We've found out that she's going to be a little different than you and your brother and sister... She's deaf."

"So… she can't hear?" She confirmed.

He nodded. "That's right."

River watched her daughters carefully, waiting for their reaction. They didn't seem to know what to think of this.

"How are we gonna talk to her?"

River answered, "There's something called sign language. It's a way of communicating with your hands. You'll be able to talk to her that way. Daddy knows it and he said he'll teach it to us."

"Show me." Freya insisted, a bit suspicious.

"What do you want me to say?" The Doctor asked.

"Say my name." Freya murmured, staring at his hands.

"[F-R-E-Y-A]" He finger-spelled out the letters for her.

"Now say Amelia and Mummy's names."

He finger-spelled Amelia's name, though for River he used the actual sign for river instead of spelling it.

"Why is Mummy's name different?" Amelia asked.

"Because her name is also a thing and everything has a sign." He explained.

"And you'll teach us?" She asked.

"Yes, of course." He nodded.

"I'm going to go call Vastra." River murmured, standing and kissing the Doctor's temple.

He smiled weakly. "Let me know if you need me there."

She nodded, kissing his forehead once more, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He said without hesitation, explaining more to the girls as she left.


	25. All We Could've Done

**Ch 25**

River grabbed the phone, going up to her bedroom to make the call. Vastra answered, excited as she generally was when the Songs called.

River swallowed, her stomach turning, "I have to tell you something."

"That's a rather worrisome start to it." Vastra frowned. "Is there something wrong?"

"The Doctor and I ran some tests on Terra last night..." She started.

Vastra became more alarmed. "Don't linger, just tell what's going on."

"She's deaf." River whispered.

Vastra, like the girls, wasn't actually sure of how to take the news. "How are you taking the news?"

"I-" She swallowed, "Not well."

"Would you be willing to discuss that?" She asked carefully.

She shook her head, "I'd rather not."

"That's alright." She didn't push it. "What does the Doctor think?"

"I don't know...He said it wasn't the end of the world but… He's more optimistic than I am."

"Is that what you think? That it's the end of the world?"

"No, but...It's my fault." River murmured, "And I'm upset with myself."

"It's genetics. In what way is it your fault?" She questioned.

"It's not necessarily genetics." She sighed, "It's because of what I did those first couple months..."

"I see." Vastra disagreed, though understood that River's guilt had found a way to present itself and weigh on her. "Have you voiced this to the Doctor?"

"Yes." She murmured, "He said I need to do everything I can for her so I can earn my way back to deserving her."

"Do you agree with that?"

"Yes." Her voice shook.

"Do you think you don't deserve her now?" Vastra fretted.

"After what I did, I don't think I'll _ever_ deserve her." She whispered.

"I can't say I agree with that, but you must know that Terra will love you unconditionally from the moment she's born. You may think you don't deserve her, but she deserves a mother like you, who cares about her child so much that she doubts her own abilities." She paused. "She doesn't need perfect. She needs you."

"But she doesn't deserve someone who consciously tried to harm her." River shook her head.

"You stopped, though. You stopped and then you spent all your time protecting her. You'll still protect her when she's in your arms, when she walks, when she flies. You'll be there to catch her, won't you?"

"Yes, of course." She whispered.

"Then let the past be the past. She'll know you care and surely that must be what's important." Vastra encouraged.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." River was shaking, sitting down on the bed.

"Alright." Vastra replied softly. "...I'm glad you called."

"I promised to keep you updated so..." She sighed.

"If you ever need anything, I'm here for that as well. You could even just show up at my door." She offered.

"Yes, I know." She whispered. "Thank you. I should get back to my family now."

"Good luck." Vastra murmured, bidding her her a goodbye.

Vastra whispered a goodbye, hanging up the phone. She spent another few minutes just laying on the bed, gathering her thoughts. She then headed back downstairs to be with her children.

The girls had moved into the living room to play with Arthur, currently trying to teach him how to sign his name. Arthur didn't quite understand what they were trying to do. He still didn't have a fantastic grasp on how to coordinate his hands, so he mostly just wiggled his fingers and waved his hands around.

"No, like this." Freya and Amelia tried to help position his hands, though the bay couldn't retain the shapes.

"Be gentle girls." River murmured as she walked into the room.

"Mummy look!" Freya jumped up. "Daddy showed me how to do everyone's names!"

"That's wonderful, sweetheart." She smiled weakly.

Freya proceeded to sign her name and then the names of her siblings, though she fumbled with the vowels, doing them in the wrong order.

River smiled, "You're already very good at it." She murmured, really having no idea what any of the hand gestures meant. "Did he show you Terra's name?"

She nodded. "[T-E-R-A]"

"Two 'R's my sweet." She corrected.

"You know the letters?" She asked, wide-eyed with excitement.

"Well, no, but I noticed that you didn't repeat any of the letters, so I figured you forgot the R's." She sat in a chair, rather tired from the day.

"Oh." She nodded. "What's for dinner?"

"I don't know, I forgot all about dinner." She reluctantly stood, "I'll go figure it out."

"River, I can cook tonight." The Doctor offered.

She shook her head, "No, no it's my night. I'll do it."

"Call if you want help." He said.

She nodded, going to the kitchen. River searched around for a while, trying to find something to cook for the girls, finally settling on pasta, which she somehow managed to burn horribly. The Doctor hurried in at the smell of smoke, asking what was going on.

She was coughing, trying to clear the air around her. He quickly opened the door to the yard, helping fan the fogged air out. "River, go sit down."

"I'm fine, really." She coughed.

"You're practically choking." He worried. "How did you burn the pasta?"

"I don't know, I just… got distracted." She gasped, finally leaving the kitchen for some air. He put the pasta in the sink, trying to lessen the smoke with water and cloth.

Arthur started crying in the other room just as Toby started barking. "I'll get them." The Doctor moved back to the living room. "Just try to breathe, alright?" She nodded, still coughing into her elbow.

He went to scoop up Arthur and try to calm him down. "What's wrong, lovie?" Arthur continued to wail, hungry and cranky. "Sh, sh. It's alright, you'll eat soon." He went back to River. "I think it's a take away night."

She nodded, having finally caught her breath, "I guess so."

"Pizza?" He asked.

She shrugged, "Whatever the girls want, I'm not terribly hungry. I think I may go to bed soon." She murmured, reaching for his hand.

He shifted Arthur to one arm so he could take her hand. "That's alright. You've had a long day."

"I don't want to leave you all on your own with the children." She sighed, squeezing it lightly.

"Well Arthur seems ready to sleep, too. I can handle them River." He assured.

"Are you sure?" She asked, standing and taking the baby in her arms.

He nodded. "It'll be fine. Promise."

She nodded, kissing his cheek. "Call me if you need anything."

"Don't worry."

She headed upstairs, putting Arthur down and then going to bed herself.

The Doctor ordered pizza for the girls, cleaning up the burnt pasta while they ate. He helped them with homework and played with them until they had to go to bed. They were well enough behaved, having lots of questions about deaf people and sign. He finally got them to bed, going to his room to join River.

River was fast asleep in bed, curled up in the sheets, with her hair sprawled out around her. One hand was resting on her belly while the other lay across the space where the Doctor slept. The Doctor smiled at the sight of her, changing and sliding into bed next to her. He took her hand, holding it close to him.

She nuzzled closer to him in her sleep, relaxing at his touch. It was the first time all day he'd really seen her with a calm expression. He kissed her knuckles as wrapped his arms around her. "Sweet dreams, love."

Toby trotted in the room, hopping up on the bed to lick the Doctor's face and lay across them.

"Toby, not right on top on us." The Doctor nudged him. Toby whimpered, wanting to lay with them. "Fine." He sighed, though still shifted the dog so he wasn't really on top of River.

He barked happily, pawing at his owners.

"Hush, Toby. River needs to sleep." The dog whimpered, pawing at her. "Toby." He said more sternly. "Let her sleep. You can have her attention in the morning."

He growled at the Doctor, nudging closer to River.

"Oi, don't talk to me like that. She's had a rough day." He whispered, watching River in hopes she'd stay sleeping. River looked as if she may wake up for a moment, but soon settled back to a deep sleep. "Just be careful, Toby." The Doctor murmured, closing his eyes.

River woke around 3 am, sweating all over and feeling rather sick. Toby had shifted by then, snuggled against her side. He raised his head, excited to see her eyes open. She pat his head, then stood, going to open the window and sit by it to get some fresh air.

He jumped up and followed, sitting in front of her and wagging his tail expectantly. She ignored him, resting her head against the wall. Toby made a small noise, putting his head on her lap.

"Shhh." She whispered, putting her hand on his head. He pushed up against it, wanting attention. "What?" She sighed, looking down at him.

He wagged his tail some more, blinking up at her. Terra nudged her ribs.

She stiffened, freezing for a minute. A light breeze came through the window, making her curls move a bit. Terra nudged again. _Stop!_ She thought automatically.

A tingly grey and inky blue was the mental response. The kicking stopped.

River sighed, relaxing back into the chair. Toby pushed against her hand again, this time barking.

"Shhh!" She scolded, "No barking."

The Doctor had already started to stir at the noise, mumbling something about the dog. She sighed, glancing over at the Doctor. He reached over to River's side of the bed, sitting bolt upright a moment later.

"I'm over here." She called, knowing he was looking for her.

His gaze instantly went to her, staring for a few seconds as he visibly relaxed. "Why are you up?"

"I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep." She murmured.

"Did you have a bad dream or something?"

She nodded, "I don't feel very well, but I'll be alright. I just needed some fresh air." She breathed.

"Oh. Do you want anything? Glass of water?" He offered.

She shook her head,"No, I'm alright." She whispered.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked.

"Of course." She murmured.

He got out of bed, sitting in a chair next to her. Toby didn't pay him much mind.

River reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly. He squeezed back and smiled. They listened to the wind for a minute or two.

"You said you felt sick?" He asked. She nodded, closing her eyes. "In what way?"

"Nauseous." She murmured.

"A bit past morning sickness, aren't you?" He pointed out.

River shrugged, "It's not uncommon for morning sickness to last the whole pregnancy."

"I would, however, get suspicious if it's waking you up at early hours of the morning. Do you want a ginger ale to settle your stomach?"

She shook her head, "Really, Doctor. I'm fine."

"Alright." He sighed, squeezing her hand again. "I just worry."

"I know you do." She murmured, "But I promise I'm fine."

He nodded, trusting her word.

"She was kicking before..." She whispered after a few minutes.

"She was?" He looked hopefully at her. She nodded slowly. "I'm glad she's discovered movement. Is she still now?"

She nodded, "Yes, she stopped."

"Oh." He sounded a little disappointed, wanting to feel.

River frowned at the disappointment in his voice, "Maybe… if you put your hand here she'll start again." He nodded, placing his hand were she said.

She mentally tried to encourage their daughter to move, not wanting to disappoint her husband. She got a hard magenta in return and no movement. She opened her eyes having no idea what the colors were supposed to mean.

"River?" The Doctor looked at her, confused by her expression.

She swallowed, looking at him for a moment then quickly standing. "I suddenly feel so tired, I think I'm going to go back to bed." She lied.

"Oh." He blinked and stood to follow.

She climbed back into bed, wrapping the sheets tightly around herself and closing her eyes. Green came as the Doctor lay next to her, constantly changing shade. She was silent for several minutes.

"Doctor?"

"Hmm?" He responded, facing her.

"Do colors mean things?"

"Yes. Colors have all sorts of connotation in almost every culture to exist." He paused before he could go off on a ramble. "Why?"

"I was just wondering." She lied again, "Do the Timelords have meaning behind colors?"

He nodded again. "Tons, but most heavily in communication between TARDIS's and pilots." He explained.

"Ah, I see." She whispered, one hand falling to her belly.

"It's conditional, like, I don't know. Give me an example color."

"Magenta."

"Magenta, good. It can be a warning or aggression when applied during and let's say an argument. But it can also express wonder if that's what's going on." He told her.

"What about grey?"

"Grey is a lot. If it's scattered and sort of itchy, it closer to fear and shying away from something. If it's smooth or wavy it's calmness. Brighter grays can be contempt and _occasionally_ curiosity. Dark ones are stubbornness." He explained, having fun teaching this to River.

Her stomach flipped and her heart sank, "And blue?" She asked, voice trembling.

"Hmm, also a lot. Light blue is excitement, greener blues are creativity. Dark blues can be disappointment, secretiveness, or loneliness depending on the shade. Thicker blues are helplessness, and wispy blues can be excitement or more commonly curiosity."

"Oh..." She turned so he wouldn't see how upset she was. She was afraid to even ask about the green, horrified and distressed by the meaning of the other two colors.

"River?" He put a hand on her shoulder "You alright?"

It took her a few minutes to respond, trying to sound as normal as possible, "Yeah, fine."

"What's wrong." He frowned, able to see that she wasn't fine. She shook her head, not wanting to tell him what she had done. "Does it have something to do with the colors?" He tried again.

She didn't answer, biting her lip hard.

He sighed at her silence. "Come here." She hesitated, very slowly coming closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. He didn't ask about the colors again, deciding it was best to not push her right now.

She tried to hide how distraught she was, but on the inside, all she could think about was how she would never be able to be a good mother for Terra. How would they ever be able to bond if all she ever did was push the baby away and disappoint her.

He held her for a long while neither of them talking, though after some time, Terra nudged in the Doctor's direction, thinking green again. River was afraid to ask what green meant, staying quiet.

"...I can feel her." The Doctor murmured.

"You can?"

"She kicked." He pointed out.

She nodded, "I think she'd rather be close to you than to me."

He shook his head "I don't think that's true. She _lives_ in you for one thing, and she knows you at this point as kind and a protector."

River swallowed, shaking her head, "No, she doesn't."

"How would you know?" He questioned.

"The colors..." She finally admitted.

"What would that have to do with-... Oh." He realized, glancing down at her belly. "Is she.. using colors?"

She nodded.

"The colors you asked?" He clarified.

"Yes." She nodded again.

He didn't need to clarify which variation of the colors Terra had communicated, River's reaction already giving that away. "When?"

"Before you woke up." She whispered.

"It couldn't have just come out of the blue." He reasoned aloud. "Could there have been something to evoke it?" She was silent, refusing to answer his question. He rubbed her arm quietly, deciding after a moment that he wasn't going to get a response. "..Has she used anything else?"

"What do you mean?"

"Other colors, other ways of communicating." He listed.

"She used green..."

"What kind?" He asked. "All different shades."

"Hmm." The Doctor looked at her. "Do you want to know what that means?"

She shook her head, "No."

"It's not anything bad." He urged gently.

She sighed, "Fine, tell me."

"It's an apology for shutting you out." He said quietly.

"Well it's meant for you." She whispered.

"There's no reason for it to be meant for me." He pointed out.

"Well, she wouldn't kick for you earlier." She murmured, "And she only thinks green when you're near."

"Because green also mean family in light hues." He told her, though that did prove her point a bit. He entwined his hand with hers.

"So she wasn't talking to me then, she was simply thinking of family?"

"I think she had a change of mind from how she was feeling before and was trying to tell you that." He voiced.

She closed her eyes, thinking about what he had said.

He held her close. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

She nodded, "Okay..."

"Love you." He kissed her forehead.

Terra kept thinking green, though it started to lull as she became more calm.

"Love you too." She whispered, eventually falling asleep in his arms.


	26. Sweet Prince

**Ch 26**

Toby woke up River, practically slobbering on her face. River groaned, trying to bat the dog away. "Toby...stop it..."

He refused, barking right by her ear.

She yelped, jumping up, startled by the sudden loud noise, "Toby!" He stalked off the bed, tail between his legs and pouted up at her.

It took her a few minutes to catch her breath, glaring at the dog, "What do you want?"

He went in a circle then sat in front of the door and barked again. The Doctor began to stir. River slowly got out of bed, thinking the dog probably had to go out to use the bathroom. "Alright, alright. I'm coming." He whimpered in anticipation.

She stood, leading him out the door, "Come on." He eagerly trotted down the stairs and scratched at the back door until she opened it for him, rushing outside. She waited by the door for him, letting him do whatever it is he needed to do.

Mr Thomas tried to escape into the yard, seeing that the door was open. "I don't think so, mister." She scooped the cat up before he could escape, closing the door. Toby whined, wanting to come back in. She opened the door for the dog, closing it once again once he was inside. He quickly went to his food bowl, nudging it.

Footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. She fed the dog, and the cats, giving Toby a pat on the back.

The Doctor came downstairs, hair sticking out in all directions. "Riv?"

"Hmm?" She turned, laughing a bit when she saw him.

"There you are." He grinned at her. "You weren't in bed."

"Sorry, the dog wanted to go out." She yawned, leaning against the counter.

He nodded his understanding. "Can I make you breakfast?"

"That would be nice." She smiled softly, easing herself into a chair.

"What would you like?" He asked, opening up the fridge.

"Eggs? Maybe some cinnamon buns?"

He looked at what they had and nodded. "That's doable, though the cinnamon buns will take longer."

"I can wait." She smiled.

He got to work cooking, doing his best not to mentioned what had happened last night. He didn't think River would appreciate the subject. She didn't say much, her mind elsewhere.

The girls came down a bit later, smelling the food cooking. "Cinnamon buns!" They excitedly ran to the oven peering at the contents.

"Careful girls, the oven is very hot," River warned. They took two steps back, Toby joining them to watch the sweets bake.

Toby barked at the oven, wagging his tail, wanting whatever was cooking.

"That's people food, Toby." The Doctor said. "You already ate."

He whimpered, barking again and jumping up to press his paws to the oven.

"No!" Freya pulled him back, thinking he'd get burned. "That's dangerous."

Toby whined, walking over to River and sitting on her feet.

"Eggs are done." The Doctor announced, depositing them from the pan onto River's plate.

"Thank you, sweetie," River smiled. Toby jumped up on the table, wanting some of River's food.

"Oi, down with you." The Doctor shooed him off. He jumped down again, going back to sit with the girls.

Arthur started whining from upstairs and Toby got up yet again to trot upstairs to him. He was rather restless that morning.

River followed Toby upstairs, "Mummy's coming." She called as she hurried up the stairs.

The dog got there first, trying to wiggle his nose between the bars of the crib. Arthur's tears subsided when he saw the nose, reaching out to grab it. Toby snorted at the little hand, trying to lick it. Arthur giggled, still sniffling a little when River walked in. He reached up to his mother once he spotted her silhouette.

"Good morning, sweetheart." She murmured, lifting up and cradling him against her chest.

 _Doggie._ "Wooh."

She smiled, "Yes! The doggie says woof!"

Arthur grinned. _Hungry!_

"Alright. There should be some mashed sweet potatoes waiting for you downstairs." She held him close to her, leaving the room with the dog.

"Da." He said, pushing his face against her.

"Daddy's downstairs, and so are Amelia and Freya." She murmured, kissing his head. She hoped that he didn't remember what had happened the day before.

 _Sisters._ He thought warmly.

"Yes, sisters." She repeated, carrying him into the kitchen.

Amelia and Freya had moved to the table, looking up at River as she came in. "Look! There they are!" River pointed to the girls, holding Arthur so he could see.

He clapped. "Ammmma!"

"What about me?" Freya asked.

The boy looked at her, deeming her: "Yaya."

"Hey! You forgot the 'F' and the 'R'!" Arthur's face started to scrunch up. "And you can't forget the F because that's the most important letter!" Freya continued. He started whimpering.

"Freya, he's only a baby. He's still learning how to talk and certain letters are hard for him to pronounce." The Doctor said, taking the cinnamon buns out of the oven.

"Oh, well I can help him practice!" She offered.

"That's a lovely idea, dearie, but try to be a bit nicer." He murmured.

"I didn't mean to be mean." She pouted.

"I know, but sometimes things can come out harsher than we mean them to be." He glanced at River. River didn't meet his gaze, going to put Arthur in his high chair.

The boy clung to one of her fingers. _Sister doesn't like me._

"That's not true, my sweet." She whispered, "She loves you very much."

 _I'm not doing it right so she doesn't like me!_ He sniffed.

"Shhhhh, shhhhh." She hushed, lifting him up again and rocking him gently. "Freya, I think you should apologize."

The Doctor brought the food to the table.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Arthur blinked at her, shying away.

"Will you eat now?" River asked him softly. He hesitated, still watching his sister. "Please?" She asked, "For mummy?" He finally gave a small nod. "Thank you, my love." She smiled, putting him back in his high chair.

He kicked his legs, the thought of food distracting him. River got a jar of mashed sweet potatoes out of the cabinet, sitting down to feed the baby. The girls and the Doctor reached for a cinnamon bun. "River, do you want one?"

"In a minute." She murmured, focused on feeding Arthur. The boy didn't push away the potatoes as he sometimes did, deicing he liked them today.

"Yes, good boy." River praised, glad she wasn't getting food thrown at her today. He flung his hands up, trying to reach for the jar. "Do you want to try holding it?" She asked, as he sometimes was good about holding his own jar.

He clapped and reached again. She gave him the jar, "Now, no throwing or else you won't be able to hold it again."

He didn't seem to register, eyes wide with curiosity. She watched him examine the jar. He decided to shove his fist into the potatoes, making a gleeful noise.

"Sweetie, the potatoes are not toys. You have to eat them."

He frowned, yanking his hand out and shoving what he grabbed in his mouth. "Yes! Good job!" River smiled, clapping her hands.

"Does he want a cinnamon bun?" Amelia asked.

"He can't have a cinnamon bun yet, my love." River answered, taking one for herself, "He's still too little."

"Too little for a cinnamon bun?" She didn't quite understand.

"Too little for solid foods. Babies can only have soft mushy food and liquids." She explained.

"Like jello!" Freya listed.

"Yes, he could have jello." She nodded.

"Not for breakfast, though." The Doctor added. Arthur shoved his hand back in the jar, looking around at his family.

"Do you think he'll like being a big brother?" Amelia asked.

 _Big Brother!_ He thought, trying to communicate it verbally, "Baaa Buddaa!"

"I think so." The Doctor nodded. Though he wasn't part of the telepathic communication, verbal babbling was easy for him to understand.

River nodded in agreement, "He's been babbling about it quite a bit."

"That's because it's exciting. _I_ like being a big sister." Freya told them.

"I'm very glad that you like it," River smiled, one hand moving to her belly.

"He's gonna have _three_ sisters!" Amelia giggled. "I wonder what it'd be like if you were a boy and Terra was a boy and I had three brothers." She described to Freya.

"I like having a brother and sister, but Arthur will never get to have a brother, so maybe you should have another baby," Freya told the Doctor.

He chuckled. "Four children is plenty, Freya. Besides, if you want him to have a brother you can try being a boy in your next regeneration."

"But...I like being a girl. I don't want to be a boy." She glanced at River, "Maybe Terra will want to be a boy."

"I wouldn't mind trying to be a boy," Amelia said.

"Well… then you can be a boy and I'll stay a girl and then Arthur can have sisters and a brother!"

"I doubt you two will have to worry about regeneration for a very long time." The Doctor added in.

River nodded, getting up and kissing both the girls' heads. "Come on you two, I think it's just about time to get dressed." The both grabbed one last cinnamon bun and hurried off to their room, Toby following.

River sighed, sitting back down in her chair, looking at the Doctor.

"You alright?" The Doctor asked, watching Arthur shove more potato in his mouth.

She nodded slowly, "Yes, why?"

He shrugged. "Just curious."

"Are you alright?" She asked, watching him closely.

He nodded, reaching his hand over to hold hers. "I'm fine."

She squeezed his hand softly, "Good."

Arthur banged his fist on the table. "Gah-b-b-b-b!"

"What is it, my sweet?" River asked, refocusing her attention on him. He settled as soon as her eyes were on him, just wanting attention. "Let's get all those sweet potatoes off your face, yeah?" She smiled, getting up to get a wet washcloth to wipe his face.

The Doctor started cleaning up the other plates and cinnamon buns.

"I think we should go out today." River murmured, "We could take the girls to the beach."

"Are you up for swimming?" He asked, going to wash the dishes.

She shrugged, "I'll be able to swim for a bit, but I can also stay with Arthur. He'll probably be more interested in playing with the sand."

"I suspect so." He smiled at previous memories of the boy attempting a sloppy sandcastle. "Let's ask the girls."

She nodded, "Alright." She cleaned off Arthur's face, and then took him out of his highchair. Terra shifted as she stood, stretching out her leg. River stopped for a minute, startled.

The Doctor glanced at her, "You alright?"

"Yeah...she moved.."

"You look rather surprised by that." He pointed out.

"I'm fine..." She whispered, "I'll go get Arthur dressed."

"Alright." He murmured, finishing the dishes and drying his hands. "I'll get the girls ready."

She nodded, giving him a quick kiss and then heading up the stairs. Arthur burped, then started babbling about being a big brother again. River tried to smile as he talked, changing him out of his pajamas and night diaper into a swim diaper and a swim suit.

He frowned at the new garment, waving his arms. _Put me back._

"Shhhh, you're fine. We're going to go to the beach! Remember, you had so much fun last time." She murmured, getting his sunhat and sunscreen.

 _Sandy water._ He tried to look through his memory.

She hummed, "Yes, this time, you and I can try and splash Daddy, what do you think of that, hmm?"

 _Water splash!_ He got excited, forgetting about the bathing suit.

She smiled at his excitement, scooping him up and grabbing a blanket and a few of his toys and books. "Now, let's go get the rest of your things together."

 _Play, play, play!_ He clapped.

"We'll play very soon." She promised.

 _Sand house._ He insisted.

"Yes, yes, we'll make a sand castle." She carried him downstairs with the rest of his belongings. She set up his basket with pillows and blankets for his nap time, setting it up like a bed, placing his books, toys, and snacks on top.

The Doctor and the girls joined them, all in swim gear and carrying buckets and shovels. River passed the baby off to the Doctor, going to change herself and get more sunscreen.

Eventually, the family was all ready and bustled into the TARDIS. "All the beaches of all the universe, where do we go?" The Doctor asked them.

"I want to go to the one with all the gems in the water!" Freya exclaimed, not remembering the name of the beach.

"Aru' Sumsta." He informed, setting the coordinates, "I love the sand there, it comes in every color you can think of."

The girls nodded, the two of them having decided that was their favorite beach. They were convinced that they would see a mermaid there one day.

"And off we go." The TARDIS lurched. The girls bounced around the console, excited to see the beach and look for mermaids. The two ran ahead when they landed, the Doctor trying to hurry after them with as much of their things as could fit in his arms.

River took the rest of their belongings. Toby ran after the family.

The Doctor was trying to set out the towels and large shade umbrella quickly since the girls were impatiently waiting. They weren't allowed in the water alone.

"You go swim with them, I'll set this all up." River murmured, setting Arthur in his basket-bed on one of the towels. The baby immediately squirmed to reach for the sand, gleefully.

"You sure?"

She nodded, "Of course, go on."

He grinned and kissed her cheek before pulling his goggles down and running with the girls into the gleaming water. She smiled.

She set the towels down neatly, setting up the umbrella. She then lifted the baby up out of his basket, nuzzling his cheek, "Sand or water?"

"Nannnd!" He voiced loudly, trying to reach back to the colorful grains. She set him down on the ground, letting him play in the colorful sand.

 _Diggy thing._ He requested, already flicking sand everywhere. She got the shovel, figuring he would want a pail as well and handing it to him.

He squealed and grabbed the shovel, waving it around frantically before trying to dig a hole. She helped guide his hand in the motion he needed to dig, kissing the top of his head.


	27. Icarus

**Ch 27**

Soon there was a little hole in the ground, sand in the pale, and a proud looking toddler sitting in on the beach.

River smiled at her son, "Very good, my love! Have you had enough now? Shall we go swimming?"

"No." He pouted, wanting to fill the bucket.

"Alright, we'll keep playing with the sand then." She murmured, pulling him onto her lap, but in a position so he could still reach the sand. He babbled some nonsense as he dug more. She brushed back his wisps of hair, kissing the top of his head once more.

Toby decided to join the girls in the water.

Terra kicked against her brother. River glanced down at the baby, wondering if he had felt the movement. Arthur didn't seem phased, very focused on his work with the sand. She laughed softly, glancing towards the water to see where the Doctor and the girls were.

They were climbing around a few meters out where a chunk of the gems came above water. The girls were jumping off it and doing cannonballs. River smiled at the scene, playing with Arthur until he was finished with the sand.

 _Splash!_ He insisted, deciding he wanted to be in the water now.

"Alright, we'll play in the water for a little bit and then you have to take a nap." She scooped him up, carrying him towards the water.

 _Don't want a nap. Play time! Splashy!_

"Yes, I know. We're going to do that now." She assured him, nuzzling his cheek. He kicked his legs excitedly.

She brought him to the edge of the water, dangling his feet down so they touched the water.

 _Too shallow._ He frowned, still squirming like a worm.

"Okay, okay." She murmured, wading in a bit deeper so his ankles were in the water.

 _Want to play with sisters!_ He demanded.

"We're going to wait here." She shook her head, "They're swimming in the deep water and you can't go there just yet."

 _Them come here!_ He looked up at her.

"What? You don't want to play with Mummy and your baby sister?" She pouted.

He looked conflicted, but eventually nodded at the idea. _Sit._ She sat down, keeping him in her lap.

He grew delighted again at getting to be more in the water, hitting the surface to make a splash.

She smiled, scooping some water up in her hand and letting it trickle onto his head. He squealed again, flailing a bit and accidentally knocking into her belly. Terra kicked back, light green, bubbly white.

River laughed, repeating the action, thinking he hadn't even noticed Terra's kick. Arthur attempted to splash his mother back, throwing water above him, though most of it landed right back on him. She laughed harder, finding the action very cute.

More bubble-white, then it shifted a more shiny one and Terra kicked again. Arthur poked back this time.

River watched him carefully, wanting to see how he would react to the movement once he realized it was his sister.

 _Breakfast poking me?_ He stared, confused as he got in a bit of a poking war with his sister.

"No, sweetie." She chuckled, "That's Terra, your baby sister."

 _Sister!_ He put both hands on her belly. _Trapped!_

"No, she's not trapped. That's where she lives. Babies have to live in their mummy's tummies until they're big and strong enough to come out."

 _Egg nest...?_

"A bit like that." She whispered, "Now, how about you and I go lay down for a nap and then when you wake up, your big sisters will come and play with you."

 _Not done._ He insisted. _Sister out now to play._

"She'll be playing later too. It's your nap time now, Arthur."

 _Why not out?_ He frowned.

"Because she's still too little." She scooped him up and then stood, carrying him back to their towels.

 _How long?_ He pouted.

"A couple of months." She dried him off with a towel, and then grabbed one of his blankets, draping it over him and laying down with him beneath the umbrella.

 _Too long_. He yawned.

"The time will go by much quicker than you think." She murmured, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "Sleep now." He didn't complain this time, more worn out that he'd admit.

Toby came back to shore, shaking himself out. River shielded the baby from the droplets of water, looking out in the direction of the Doctor and the girls again. They appeared to be searching for mermaids now. She smiled softly, holding the baby protectively as she started to drift off as well.

Toby, still awfully soggy, tried to curl up next to River. The wetness of the dog startled her awake, "Oh, Toby. You're all wet." She grabbed another towel, rubbing it against his fur in an attempt to dry him off.

He warmed up to her, liking the towel and thinking it was some sort of brush. She smiled, leaving the towel draped over him so he could dry off. Toby settled to nap with them as River returned to her protective rest over Arthur, though she was a bit more relaxed now that the dog was with them.

Terra turned, pushing up into River's ribs. River winced, pushing down on the spot with her fingertips, finding Terra's position extremely uncomfortable.

Sharp white and a firm kick.

River didn't know what white meant, but the strong kick in the ribs was rather painful and she winced again. Terra kicked two more times before shifting to kick her spine instead, all the while thinking the sharp white.

River slowly got up, calling for the Doctor. She was growing concerned that white meant there was something wrong.

He and the girls came to shore, the latter grabbing towels and rummaging through the picnic basket. The Doctor dried his hair off looking fondly at his sleeping son. "Everything alright?"

"I hope so." She whispered, "I need you to tell me what a color means."

"Sure." He sat in front of her as the girls found sandwiches to munch on.

"White." She watched him carefully.

"All white or a certain kind?" He clarified.

"Sharp white."

"Boredom." He chuckled. "Is that what she's telling you?"

She nodded, "She won't stop kicking my spine."

He scooted up to her, resting his hand on her belly. "Terra, lovie, I know you're bored but that's going to hurt Mummy."

River immediately tensed when he started talking, "Doctor...She can't..."

"I know." He said softly and smiled reassuringly up at her. "But she can feel the vibrations of my voice. She can feel my hand."

She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. She didn't say anything else, glancing over to make sure Arthur was still asleep. He was still all cozy and tucked in his little nest, making soft snores.

Terra turned and pushed against the Doctor's hand. River swallowed, looking back to the Doctor, then at his hands.

"See?" He said. The white softened and began to go into a light blue.

River still looked very hesitant, "She likes you..." She murmured.

"You mentioned." He replied.

"Mummy, do you want anything?" Freya asked.

"I'm alright, my love. Don't forget to have some of the tomato slices I brought." She kept her eyes on the Doctor. The girl nodded, going back to the food box.

The Doctor met his wife's eyes. "...What?"

She shook her head, "Nothing."

"Something." He countered. "What's on your mind?"

She shook her head, "I don't think..." She sighed.

"There's a start. Don't think what?" He urged.

"I don't think she cares for me very much. She never seems to be happy when it's just the two of us."

He frowned. "Maybe you're just not bonding in the way she wants to." He tried to guess.

"Maybe..." She sighed.

"You do tend to tense when she kicks..." He observed.

"It's not on purpose." She murmured.

"I know." He soothed. "But your connection is still there even though it's weak. She can probably understand some of your emotions."

"Well then maybe it would be better if you cut our connection." She whispered.

He shook his head. "I'm not going to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not going to make her go away and it's not going to make her stop kicking, but it is going to make her feel lonelier than she is now." He explained in a level tone.

She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Sorry... I know you don't want to talk about it." He murmured, sitting up and looking out over the water. "I know you're not ready to have her... but I think you care more than you give yourself credit for."

She shook her head, swallowing. "Be careful, I don't want you to wake Arthur."

He nodded and fell silent, trailing his gaze back to her. She was staring at the ground, barely breathing.

"Would you like something to eat?" He asked, moving on to a different subject.

She shook her head, "No, I'm alright." She whispered.

"What did you and Arthur get up to?"

"Well, we played in the sand for a bit." She nodded towards all the holes in the sand, "And then I took him in the water, but we weren't in for very long."

"Tired himself out already." He smiled at the boy.

"He's still a very young baby, remember." She whispered, her gaze turning to Arthur.

"Yeah, I know." He shrugged.

"My baby..." She murmured, fixing the blankets around him.

"He's almost one." The Doctor murmured.

"I know." She bit her lip, eyes still focused on the boy.

"I wonder if he'll care much about cake flavor." He laughed a little. "Otherwise, the girls will just pick their favorite flavor."

She smiled weakly, "We should start trying to teach him how to walk."

"I think that's a good idea. The girls will probably want to help."

She nodded, "I'm sure they will."

The girls had taken over the beach toys and were in the process of building a sandcastle.

"You want to go with them?" He asked, looking over at his daughters. "I can watch Arthur."

"I think they're alright. I don't want to hover over them too much." She murmured.

"They were talking about getting to play with you earlier." He told her. "I think they want you to be the mermaid queen if they find one."

She glanced at Arthur, always reluctant to leave the baby.

"I've got him, Riv." He assured.

"...Okay..." She whispered, "I'll go...play with the girls then."

He offered a smile. "You should take some snacks over."

She nodded, slowly gathering the snacks, watching the baby for another moment, hesitant to go.

"Or I could go." He said after a moment. "If you really want to stay with him."

"No." She sighed, "You said the girls wanted me to play with them, I should go."

"We can get them to come build over here." He pointed out.

She shook her head, "No, no it's alright. I'll go. Just… take care of him. Make sure he stays in the shade and he doesn't get hot. If he wakes up, he needs to eat and I brought a few books and toys for him. I don't want him to play in the sand or water right after he eats." She wasn't acting like she was only going to be a few feet away.

"River... you're not even going to leave my line of site." He frowned. "You alright?"

She took in a deep breath, "Yes...I'm fine."

"You sure?" He looked concerned.

She nodded quickly, "Yes, I am."

"...Alright." He wasn't convinced, but like he'd said, she was only a few feet away.

She walked over to the girls, sitting beside them and helping them stack up the sand. Amelia started to tell her mother the intricate story about her sandcastle about the little sand gnomes who lived in it and helped the mermaids collect the shells and gems that washed ashore.

"Oh, my, that's quite interesting. Have you seen any mermaids today?"

"Freya said she saw a tail, but I didn't see anything." She said.

"Well, there's still lots of time left in the day to spot something," River assured her.

"Will you come help?" She asked hopefully.

"Of course, I'll help!" She smiled.

"I wanna finish my sand castle first." Freya butted in.

"Alright. We'll finish the castle and then we'll go look for mermaids." The girls agreed, Amelia showing River the gem she'd found. "That's beautiful, sweetie." She praised, helping finish up the castle before leading them to the water.

They eagerly ran in with their floaties, showing her over to the place they were searching. River followed close behind, helping them swim in the waters. They went back to the rocks where they'd been jumping before, the rocks blocking their view of the beach. River let them bring her over, pointing out all the colorful fish in the water.

"I wanna catch one!" Freya insisted.

River smiled, "Alright, we can try."

"You can hold your breath the longest." She pointed out. "You have to help."

"Yes, I know." River nodded, "I'll go first." She took a deep breath, sinking under the water. The girls watched her hair splay out around her head, becoming easily weightless under the water.

The light bounced the colors of the gems onto her skin and the fish, who didn't seem bothered by her presence. Her hands moved slowly behind the fish, waiting until they were close enough before she snatched the end of one. The one she'd gotten struggled, wiggling furiously. She carefully brought it closer to the surface so the girls could get a better look.

"Woah!" Amelia reached to poke it.

"Be very gentle, sweetie," River warned, not wanting her to hurt the fish.

She relaxed her hand, moving to carefully stroke it instead. Freya did the same, eyes sparkling.

River smiled softly, "Alright, ready to let it go now?"

Amelia nodded, though Freya shook her head. "Let's keep it as a pet!"

River shook her head, "No, we can't do that. The ocean is his home. He'll be very sad if we take him away from where he lives."

"Oh." Freya nodded quickly. "Then he can go back to his friends now."

"Alright." River let the fish go, watching as it swam away.

"It's swimming slower than the rest." Amelia pointed out as she saw it join the other fish who'd moved about a meter and a half away.

"Don't worry, he'll catch up," River assured her.

"Look it." Freya pointed as the other fish slowed down for the one they'd let go so it could be part of the school.

"See? I told you there was nothing to worry about." She smiled at her daughter.

"That's because his fishy friends helped him," Freya said.

"They care about him and don't want him to feel left out," Amelia added.

River nodded, "Yes, exactly."

"They're like a little fish family! I bet the mermaids have them as pets."

"Well if the fish are around here, then it must mean that the mermaids are nearby too."

"Let's follow them!" Freya cheered.

"Alright, but I don't want to go too deep." River let the girls follow the fish, staying close behind them.

"Why not?" They asked, doing their best to paddle fast.

"Because I want to stay close to the beach."

"Mermaids don't go near the beach."

"Sometimes they do." She tried to convince them, growing more anxious as they got further and further from the baby.

"When?" Freya frowned.

"Sometimes when people are in trouble, mermaids will come near the beach to help them."

"But no one's in trouble." Amelia pointed out, a bit worried.

"Yes, you're right." She nodded, just as her mind began to burn red.

"We can stay on the rocks." Amelia tried to compromise.

"Alright, but let's go back to the beach for a moment. I have to check on your brother." River was starting to suddenly get a massive headache.

They nodded and finally went back with her. She helped the girls back into the beach, suggesting that they look for shells while she went to see the baby and the Doctor. They hurried off to do so, forgetting about their reluctance.

The Doctor was sitting under the shade of their beach umbrella, playing patty-cake with a now awake Arthur. River sat beside them, kissing the baby on the head. "Hello, again."

The boy caught hold of one of her damp curls. "Muh!"

"Be gentle, sweetie." River murmured, prying the hair out of his fingers, "Mummy doesn't like hair pulling." At least not in that situation.

"You ought to tie it back." The Doctor suggested.

She hummed, leaning in to give him a kiss, "And how are you?"

"Well." He smiled. "What'd you get up to?"

"We saw a fish and the girls got to touch it, and then we were looking for mermaids." She smiled, the pain in her head only growing, "And you?"

"Arthur got to figure out how to eat a grape and then we've been playing games. Oh, and he learned the sign for 'mummy'." He added.

Her smile faltered, "You're already teaching him to sign?"

"Just a word or two. I wouldn't be surprised if he forgot already, though." He looked up at her. "Should I not do that?"

"No...no, it's fine." She sighed, closing her eyes, "She's showing me red, what does that mean?"

"What kind of red?" He frowned.

"Really dark, burning red." She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to soothe her headache.

"Does your head hurt?" He reached a hand out for hers.

She nodded, squeezing his hand when she felt it connect to hers, "What does the color mean?"

"Same thing as the cloister bell in the TARDIS. It's a warning." He whispered. "We should get you inside."

"What?" She murmured, looking up at him, "A warning?"

"Let's get you inside." He repeated.

"But the girls, and the baby..."

"They can come in, too." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "But we should move while you can still walk."

"What?" Her eyes grew wide.

"Your headache it going to get worse. _Really_ worse." He told her. "Go to the med bay, I'll gather up the kids and everything."

"Doctor, what's going on? Please, don't hide it from me." She whispered.

"I don't know exactly. Warnings are for a lot of different things that the equipment in the med bay will help us figure out. What I do know is that this color comes with mind numbingly bad migraines."

She looked terrified, her face completely drained of color. "Okay." She whispered, "I'll call Vastra and see if she can come over to watch the kids."

"Go straight to the med bay after, alright?" He tried to look assuring. "We'll figure this out."

She nodded, giving him a soft kiss, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." He squeezed her hand. "Just hang in there. I'll be right with you."

She nodded, heading into the TARDIS and calling Vastra.


	28. The Serpent Beneath

[A/N: I think it's safe to say that if you have trigger regarding unhealthy relationships and unwanted pressuring in said relationships then you might want to just skim this chapter.]

 **Ch 28**

The TARDIS went into flight after a few minutes, as the Doctor had gotten all the kids and their things inside. Vastra's voice eventually could be heard as she took over watch of the children, then the Doctor's footstep coming closer to the med-bay.

He entered the room. "How's the pain?"

"Getting worse..." River whispered, curled up on one of the cots.

"Vastra's here. She said hello and hopes you're alright." He relayed the message to her, speaking softly so he wouldn't agitate her headache.

"Can we find out what's wrong?" She asked, more worried about the baby than anything.

He nodded, going over to their equipment. He brought over what looked a bit like a crown, with wires connected to a scanner. He placed it on hear head, attaching some of the loose wires to her temples with sticky circles.

"Why does something always have to go wrong?" She whispered.

He didn't have a good answer for that, taking her hand as an act of comfort. "Nothing of great value is ever handed over on a silver platter."

She nodded, taking in a deep breath. He brushed his thumb anxiously over her skin as he stared at the scanner and waited for results. "...That's not good." He murmured when the screen finally beeped.

Her stomach dropped to her toes, "Doctor… what is it?"

He looked up at her, keeping his expression and tone level. "It's Terra. Your connection is being cut."

"Why?" She whispered, "And why is it so painful?" She had had her connection with a baby cut before, but it had never caused her pain.

"The neglect of the connection is causing it to break down and Terra's own withdrawal from you is like wrenching a tree from the ground- as opposed to an external force which works more like scissors." He made a noise somewhere between concern and a sigh. "Any connection disruption is painful unless naturally faded."

She shook her head, "How do we stop it?"

"You need to let go of Arthur and start using your connection with our daughter." He said quietly, knowing that she didn't like that option.

"No." She flatly refused, "I'm not letting go of him."

"You won't immediately lose him, it'll start deteriorating like it did with the girls." He tried to persuade. "But you _will_ permanently lose communication with Terra if you don't do this."

"I need to be connected with Arthur. I can't lose him." She shook her head, trying to stand and take the device off of her head.

He pushed her shoulder lightly back down. "He's not going anywhere, River. He's still going to be safe and sound in your arms. He's learning to talk now, he knows how to communicate with to you without telepathy. His world won't end, but Terra's will. This is all she has right now and it'll be all she has until she can use sign. She already clearly feels scared that you're not there."

"I can't. He may not need it, but _I do_." She stood again, "I don't want to let go of him, I'm not ready yet."

"There isn't a way for you to have them both." He worried he might lose this. "Would you like me to get him?"

"No, Doctor, you can't change my mind! I've told you that I don't want to let go of him!"

"You'll only have his connection for maybe a couple more months before it goes on its own. I don't understand why you're denying Terra this." He frowned, biting his tongue.

"Because I don't want her!" She shouted, "I've tried to tell you this again and again but you won't listen!"

"Because you still care." He whispered. His tone seemed bitter, but his expression had fallen and his gaze had dropped to the floor.

He pressed his lips tightly together turning to leave. She watched him go, swallowing thickly. He wanted to turn around. He wanted to hold her and give her more time, to stop her physical and emotional pain, but his feet kept moving forwards. His brain was too busy working on _'Because I don't want her'._

River could have chosen the world where she'd miscarried, she could've gotten rid of Terra when he'd first suggested or even in the many months where she'd hid the pregnancy from him. She could have just told him she didn't want another one, but she kept on willingly trying with him. All her actions pointed his thoughts in the opposite direction of River's words, but it didn't stop him from being confused and hurt.

River locked the door as soon as he was gone, crying silently, alone in the med bay. Her head pounded and a part of her was regretting what she had said, but she wouldn't take it back.

The pain was growing to the point where it was blinding. The red didn't stop, sometimes becoming brighter. Inky blue and the itchy gray occasionally made it's way onto the sides but were always soon overtaken by the red. The other colors only made River more upset.

She didn't know what to do, not wanting to be the reason her daughter felt so alone, but nowhere near ready to give up her connection with Arthur. The knot in her stomach only tightened and she wished that she hadn't pushed her husband away. She couldn't make the decision on her own and she was running out of time.

The TARDIS hummed in a way only a mother could, assuring River that she'd do something. A moment later, footsteps came and a feminine voice was hushing a baby. River fell silent, not wanting to see Arthur or Vastra, the two she was guessing we're coming down the hall.

"Muuuummauuuh! Mumumumuh!" Arthur didn't seem at all happy with Vastra or the lack of River around him. The wailing made River's pain in her head unbearable and she was on the verge of passing out.

There came another set of footsteps and this time a man's voice. "Here, let me take him." River still refused to make a sound, her eyes fluttering shut as the pain started to completely take over.

The TARDIS practically growled at those in the hall, pushing the med-bay doors closer to them. Vastra turned at looked at the doors directly behind her, "That's odd..." She murmured.

The Doctor looked as well. "It's the med bay." He murmured. Behind the doors, River lay completely unconscious. "The old girl has been leading me in circles."

Vastra raised an eyebrow, "Do you think perhaps you should go inside then?"

He looked at the floor. "River and I got into a fight." He admitted, though wasn't sure if 'fight' was the right word for it. "I don't think she'll want to see me."

"That may be true, but if the TARDIS won't let you get away from the room, wouldn't you believe there's a good reason for it?"

He nodded slowly opening his mouth to say something, but closing it and instead internally scolding himself. This wasn't the time to run. This wasn't the time to leave River to do this on her own, it was something that concerned both of them and if he were in her place he wouldn't want to be alone. He suddenly felt very guilty for leaving in the first place, adjusting Arthur on his hip. "Why'd she bring you here too?"

Arthur was still crying, "Muuuuummmmaauuhh" He made grabby hands towards the door, sensing that's where River was.

The Doctor rubbed Arthur's back, deciding that was the answer to his question. "Are you going to come in?"

Vastra shook her head, "You two should go in alone."

He nodded and finally moved to enter the door, though the moment the doors slid open Arthur started crying even louder and the Doctor's hearts dropped to his knees as he saw his wife. "River!"

Vastra immediately took the baby out of his arms so he could help River who had cut her head on the edge of the cot when she had fallen. He gathered his wife up in his arms and put her on the cot. "This is my fault, this is my fault I shouldn't have left."

"I'm sure it wasn't entirely your fault." Vastra murmured, trying to hush the baby.

"I thought she'd choose Arthur when I left but she hasn't chosen yet." He murmured, placing his fingers on her temples.

"Can she still choose if she's like this?" Vastra asked, concerned for her friend and the baby.

"Not without guidance. She won't know which way she's going unless she can fight the process." He closed his eyes. "Watch her vitals for me."

She nodded, watching the equipment, "Be careful..."

"Careful is relative." Especially where he was going. River's mind was not an easy place to navigate through, but none the less, he entered.

It was almost as if River's mind was on fire and overwhelming feelings of terror, despair and loneliness were immediate feelings that hit him. The Doctor immediately worked on trying to counter and dampen the emotions, not sure if they belonged to Terra or River. There were still shields up over memories and sections that River hadn't had the opportunity to take down.

River immediately resisted the Doctor's presence in her mind, not understanding who the intruder was. He physically tensed as River wasn't gentle with these things. He tried to show her familiarity and a few memories she would recognize belonged to him.

She opened her mind a bit more, but she was still rather resistant due to the fight they had had.

" _Do you understand what's happening?"_ He tried, knowing that he couldn't go directly to her yet. There was no response from her, though it was unclear if she hadn't heard, or if she was just ignoring him.

He concealed his frustration, instead moving on to searching for her, though that was perhaps more difficult. " _We don't have much time. This could to a lot of damage to your brain and our daughter if you don't let me help."_

River let the blockade melt a bit more, but refused to give herself up completely. She wasn't ready to choose, and she knew that if she completely let him in, then she would have to.

He was able to feel where Terra was yanking on at this point, moving towards where her mind and River's connected.

Normally, an aura of a calm warmth would be present around it and it would look almost like if someone had made a rope out of pale regeneration energy. What he saw had more of a theme of someone's arm being ripped out, the rope thin, red, and dripping and straining on River's mind in a way that made even him wince.

He could still see tendrils of where Terra was still trying to reach out or had already tried, those parts cut, burnt, or reaching for nothing.

The barriers in River's mind weakened further, not by choice this time, but because she was losing the strength to hold them up.

The Doctor looked down the rope to see if it would lead anywhere, noting quickly that it swelled like a sore muscle. The red was dark and heavy and almost fog like, just as River had described. She had to be in there somewhere.

Deep within the fog, River was hiding, surrounded by tormenting memories of her death less than a year before, the babies she had lost, and the fear of the future ahead of them, all of the things holding her back from making her decision.

The Doctor looked for a way into the fog, trying hard to think of how to get through it. There was really only one path and that was the connection, but he was afraid to walk on it. Would he snap it? Would he affect it in some way?

Itchy gray flooded around him for a moment, though not from the baby this time. The color was soon dominated by the red once more.

 _"River, I need a bridge. Please, you can't keep doing this alone."_ He begged. There was nothing for a few minutes as she considered her options. Finally, a weak path started to form, as it was the best she could do.

The Doctor wasted no time moving across as fast as could be done, hesitating for a moment when he reached the edge of the fog. He could get as lost as River was in there, but he also might find her and that was all to motivation needed to step inside.

The bridge that River had built collapsed behind him as it took a great deal of effort for River to maintain since all her mind wanted to do was focus on the pain.

 _"Where are you? I'm here, how to I find you?"_ The Doctor asked more frantically than before.

 _"I don't know..."_ She whispered, _"I don't know where I am."_ Her words echoed around him as the fog began to form an environment.

He at first thought it was because he was near River, but then realized it was a defense. It was a graveyard, one styled as the kind that was built after wars and there was only one name on all the graves: William.

Even though it was her mind's own defense, the sight still pained River. She could still feel it and it hurt more than she could explain. _"No!"_

The Doctor saw the false sky flash a grey-green, River's voice like thunder. _"River, let me to you. Please, I can help end this."_

 _"I don't know how!"_

He stopped running. _"Focus. Think of me. Pick a memory and think of it."_

She tried to focus on one of her favorite memories of him, but her concentration kept swaying. The names on the graves changed, some still reading William, some Terra, and some Arthur.

 _"No, River you've got to concentrate. I know you can, you're the strongest woman I know."_ He paused, trying not to look at the graves. _"Our second wedding. You remember that? A proper wedding that we could invite all our friends to, your parents to."_

She tried hard to concentrate on the memory, thinking of the feeling of his hands in hers. The names of their children started to melt from the graves so they were just slabs of stone. The Doctor concentrated on the same memory, how beautiful she looked in that dress. Her feeling of terror slowly began to fade too as she became more relaxed with the memory.

The graveyard began to morph until the gravestones were just rocks lying on a ground of grass. The Doctor moved forwards, spotting a figure sitting on the ground. She had her hands over her eyes and her back to him. He reached her, sitting in front of her "River."

She slowly removed her hands from her eyes, looking up at him. He put his hand over hers. "I'm so, so sorry." She sniffed, tensing when he touched her. "Do you know what's happening?" He asked his first question again.

She shook her head.

"The process Terra started isn't stopping and you're caught in the middle of it." He began to explain, keeping his voice as soothing as he could as he went through the whole thing with her. She tried to hide how scared she was, but she was struggling a great deal.

The thoughts around them were melting as her mind weakened with the ever growing pain. The grass faded back into the red fog.

"I'm so very sorry, but you've got to choose now or Terra will decide for you."

"I can't. I can't choose between my two children." It was a much different answer than before.

"Who would it hurt more?"

"I don't know. It would hurt both of them."

He shook his head, "Arthur would be alright... Have you seen what your connection with Terra looks like?" He asked.

She shook her head, "Arthur...I can't lose him." She whispered.

"You won't lose the connection all at once. He's not going to go anywhere. He's here in the room, waiting for you to open your eyes."

"I can't." She murmured, "My eyes won't open."

"Because we're trapped here until you choose." He reminded.

"I don't want to choose! I've told you that I don't want to!"

"You haven't seen the connection." He whispered.

"I don't want to see it." She shook her head.

"Why?" He frowned.

"Because I don't want to pick her."

"Yet you don't want to lose her either."

"I'm not ready to have her. I don't want to do this." She shook her head.

"Then you must already know what you'd see if you looked at your connection."

"Stop pushing me!" The fog fluctuated, making a sharp point to pierce him with. He winced, flinching sideways as his side was impaled. "I can't do this. I'm not ready to let go of him." The more distressed she became, the more the graveyard scene began to return.

"Think of what binds you to him in the first place." He looked around nervously at the stones. She tried to think of their connection, the names on the stones reappearing. "What makes you his mother isn't that you can talk to him without words, it's because you care for him through thick and thin. You're there when he asks for you and you give him what he needs. That's not going to stop, not ever." He said.

"I can't...Doctor, I can't." She shook her head, "I won't do it."

"So choose Arthur then."

"But that's not what you want."

"It's a choice and it's what will get us out of here." She was right, though.

River closed her eyes, and one of the connections snapped, though at the moment only she knew which. The red fog all of a sudden vanished and they were left in what looked like the Singing Towers of Darillium.

He blinked at her, holding his side. "...You did it."

"Please go away now." She whispered, the barriers in her mind slowly returning, though they looked damaged. She immediately began blocking him out, hiding the connection she had chosen from him.

He thought about protesting, but her tone of voice and barriers had him withdrawing himself back into reality.

River was still unconscious, Vastra watching them with concern.

The Doctor lowered his hands, arms aching from holding them up so long. "... I think she'll be sleeping for a little while."

Vastra nodded slowly, still trying to calm Arthur down, who seemed to be crying even harder now. Arthur could feel the choice River had made, sobbing as his connection with his mother already began to weaken.

"Put him on River's chest." The Doctor said tiredly. "He's probably upset about her choice." He was under the impression that River had chosen Arthur, also aware that Arthur had encouraged the opposite yesterday.

Vastra gently lay the baby on her chest, watching the little boy wiggle and whimper against his mother. The Doctor moved his wife's hand over the boy, hoping it might help to calm him. "Don't worry, lovie. She'll wake up soon."

"Muuuuuummmahhh." He whimpered, wiggling.

The Doctor stroked the infant's back. "Shh, it'll be alright."

"I'll leave you two alone." Vastra murmured, quietly leaving the room. He murmured a thank you for her help as she left.

River didn't wake up for another hour or two, her eyes opening slowly. Arthur was the first to notice, as his father his fallen asleep in the chair holding River's hand. "Muh!"

"Hello, my love." She whispered, "I'm so sorry..."

He nuzzled to her. _Weaker._

"I know." She swallowed, holding him close, "I'm sorry."

"Tuppph." _Sister?_

River closed her eyes, not wanting to talk or think about Terra.

 _Sister!_ "Buh-d." _Sister hurt?_

"No, she's fine." That's all she would say on the matter.

Arthur relaxed. "Mummm," She didn't say anything else. Staying very, very quiet.

Terra's connection was stronger now, a constant and much warmer hum in the back of River's mind just as it had been with the other children. River made no effort to acknowledge the connection. Keeping her mind blank.

Arthur babbled quietly, mostly to himself. He was pleased to have his mummy awake as it was a huge comfort from the shock of their deteriorating connection.

She rubbed his back, glancing at the Doctor. The Timelord was slumbering in the chair, still with River's hand in his. The ordeal has tired him as well, though probably not as much as River. She gently pulled her hand out of his, closing her eyes once more.

He didn't stir, though his hand clenched at the now empty space between his fingers and lack of warmth. River started to fall asleep again, holding the baby close against her.


	29. Poison

Ch 29

The next thing to wake River were small fingers and curious eyes poking over the side of the cot. She blinked slowly, looking down. "Hello, Amelia."

"Auntie Vastra said you might be awake. Why were you sleeping?" Amelia whispered.

"Well, I had so much fun at the beach, it tired me out." River lied, touching her head gently.

"Growing babies makes you tired." She reminded herself. "It's dinner time and me and Freya want to go out."

She internally sighed, nowhere near having enough energy to take them out, "Alright," She stood anyway, "Where would you like to go?"

"The place that Uncle Jack took us on that green planet with the rings and the funny plants with stripes." She informed River.

"There again?" River asked, knowing exactly which restaurant they were talking about, "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" She nodded. "Today was suppose to be an outdoors day, but we left early so now we get to go there." Her logic made more sense to her sister.

"Alright, alright. We'll go there then. How about you go get your shoes on and I'll get your brother ready."

"What about Daddy?" She pointed to the Doctor who was still asleep.

"Let's let him sleep." She murmured, leading her out of the room, "It can be just the four of us."

"Five." Amelia skipped along. "My little sister counts. And what about Auntie Vastra?"

"I think Auntie Vastra will want to go home and eat with Strax and Auntie Jenny, don't you?"

She nodded. "I'm going to go put on a fancy skirt!" She scurried ahead of her and off to her room.

River went to the console room, offering to bring Vastra home. She placed Arthur on the floor so he could crawl around while she flew the TARDIS. She stayed very quiet as she worked on the controls, her movements a bit sluggish, and it took her a couple of tries to get the controls set right.

"River?" Vastra asked cautiously.

"Yeah?" She didn't really look up.

"Are you positive you're completely... recovered from your ordeal?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She whispered.

Vastra put her hand on River's shoulder. "I'd love for that to be true, but it doesn't take an expert to see it's not."

"Well, I don't really have time to recover. I have three children that need to get fed, my husband is sleeping and they're not your responsibility, they're mine."

Vastra tried not to flinch at her tone. "That doesn't mean you can't accept help. Nothing and no one say that. And your husband can and should be woken up at a moment's notice."

"I can handle this on my own." She sighed, "Thank you for coming to help. I can take it from here."

She bit back her disagreement, smiling instead. "Thank you for having me. Good luck tonight."

River closed the door behind Vastra, going to get Arthur ready and then bringing the girls to their restaurant.

They were their usual energetic selves, running around River and wanting to look at every little thing around them. River was quite obviously exhausted, chasing the girls around while holding the baby. She eventually got them corralled at their table, bouncing a crying Arthur while trying to help the girls read the menu. They got River to read them every item was before choosing what they regularly got.

The waiters were as sympathetic as they could be, though the family still got stares from other customers, likely because of Arthur's volume.

"Arthur, please, please, settle down," River begged, trying to hush him. He didn't listen, just as he hadn't been since they got there. He hated the lighting and the people and the noise. "Arthur, please." She was growing more and more upset, tired and distressed at the realization that handling all three kids by herself was something she seemed to be rather horrible at.

"Dah!" He wailed. Home, home!

"We can't see Daddy right now, we have to eat. It's eating time, remember? We'll go home very soon, I promise." She hushed, rocking him back and forth.

Loud. Too loud! "Nuuuuuuh!" He complained.

"Arthur please, please settle down for Mummy." She begged.

Quiet! Make quiet!

"I can't make it quiet, sweetie." She murmured.

Whhy? He sounded like an earlier version of his father.

"Because it's not possible." She sighed.

River struggled through the rest of dinner, trying to balance her attention between her son and her daughters. By the end of the night, she was beyond drained, apologizing to the waiters and leaving them a large tip as she led the girls out.

The TARDIS tried to make herself as welcoming as she could, her hum soothing and the lights of the console room warm. River wanted to collapse once she was in the doors, but the girls had to be put to bed. She ushered them upstairs, helping them brush their teeth and put their pajamas on, tucking them into bed.

"Can we have a bedtime song?" Freya asked.

River sighed, nodding. She sang her a short, off-key lullaby, nearly putting herself to sleep. The girls were oblivious to her exhaustion, setting in for the night.

River then went to put Arthur to bed, and then to check on the Doctor. The man was still out cold, though strangely, there was a streak of blood coming from his nose.

"Doctor?...!" River hurried to him, shaking him, trying to wake him up. He made a hardly audible grumble but didn't stir further. "Full body scan of the Doctor!" She shouted, still shaking him and trying to wake him up.

The scanner on the bed side table flashed to show it was calculating before beeping with the information. His hearts were twice as slow and his brain function had lowered considerably. "Dammit, Doctor!" She quickly set up several more scans to try and find the source of the problem, running to the medicine cabinet to find something in hope of bringing up his heart rates.

The TARDIS tried to be helpful, showing her in the right direction to which medicines he needed and displaying a complicated amount of information relating to his brain scan. She injected all of the medicine the TARDIS showed her, but had great difficulty deciphering the brain scan in her tired state.

Afraid that she was going to run out of time, she pressed her fingers to his temples, trying to enter his mind just as he did for her. "Oh, how does he do it? Like thi-aah!" She was immediately thrown into quite literally a whirlwind of memory and thought that wrapped around her and pulled her roughly down until she hit something hard. River could feel the pain resonating through her body, the metal connections strong enough to transfer to her physical form. "Doctor?"

"River please, no!" The voice belonged to the Doctor, but not her Doctor, not the face she married. All of a sudden, River was surrounded by books and wooden floors, the scenery moving around her. She was brought face to face with herself, the other her in a spacesuit and a metal crown.

River stiffened, quickly turning so her back was to the memory, "Doctor? Doctor, it's not real!" The countdown of the computer rang louder and as it hit zero, light exploded around her and the floor opened up beneath her. Shadow engulfed her and she was falling again.

This time, the landing was on her feet. "Doctor?! Please, listen to my voice!" River looked around for him, hoping he was somewhere near by. It became clear that she was in some version of the TARDIS med bay and suddenly there was a scream.

It was her own, emanating from the cot in front of her. She was there again, part of the Doctor's mind, writhing in pain on the bed and clutching at her apparent midsection.

"Come on River, you can do this. It'll be over soon."

"Doctor!" The non-memory River shouted as loud as she could, trying to dissolve the nightmare with her own happy memories, "It's just a memory! Think of something else!" He couldn't hear her.

The space around her suddenly filled with what could only be assumed as water. River was washed ashore to red sand and the sound of explosions. She couldn't keep up with his mind, her's already too weak from the intensity it had endured that afternoon since she hadn't given herself time to rest. She stumbled through the memory of Arcadia's fall, "Please, Doctor. I can't do this."

There were vague, half complete people pushing her as they ran in the opposite direction as she was going. Most were in armor engraved with Gallifreyan symbols. There were ships above what was now a ruined city, beaming down Daleks and bombs.

The path she was on directed her behind a wall with words hammered into it: 'No more.' Lying on the ground in front of it, was the Doctor, her tweed wearing Doctor. River rushed towards him, kneeling down in front of him, "Doctor...Doctor, can you hear me?"

His nose was bleeding, just like in his physical body. "What are you doing here." His eyes didn't open and his mouth didn't move.

"I'm trying to help you." She touched his face, pushing back his hair, "There's something wrong and I'm trying to fix it."

"It's too dangerous for you to be in here. The baby..." He tried to say.

"I need to help you. You need to tell me how to fix this." She pressed.

"What's going on with my body?"

"Your hearts are very slow, so is your brain activity. I don't want anything to happen to you." She hadn't really realized until this moment that if she didn't fix it, he could be in very serious trouble and that thought terrified her.

The body in front of her curled towards her, like a child seeking comfort. "Sharp. You poked me."

"What do you mean? I didn't do anything..." She looked down at him, confused.

"No, in the fog. Something stabbed me." He tried again, showing her the memory.

"I don't understand, Doctor." She could feel her mind screaming, begging her to give up. If she didn't solve this quickly, her mind would snap under his.

"It couldn't have harmed my physical body so it must have hurt me somewhere in here. You've got to find where and repair it. It'll probably show in the form of an altered memory." He instructed.

She stood, looking around her for some sort of flaw, though the longer she spent in his mind, the hazier her vision grew. The Doctor's body rose, at least part of it did. It seemed like a glowing ghost had risen from his body. He took her hand. "This way."

She followed him, each step another shock to her brain. He brought them out of the memory to what seemed like a bank of them "We've got to look for anomalies."

She nodded, looking around the scene memories floated by them, each emanating a color of how the Doctor felt during the time. Most that went by had colors signifying fear, sorrow, and loss. There was quite a lot of loss.

She tried to keep focused, finally seeing one strange looking memory float by. The memory was from his early days with River, sometime during the Pandorica incident. The events displayed didn't match with what had really happened, the scene rather warped with parts missing and things added.

"I found it." She murmured, "Now how don't fix it?"

"I can't help you there." He murmured. "This memory looks normal to me because this is what I think happened. You need to repair it before the damage spreads."

She closed her eyes, focusing on the warped memory and trying to repair it with her mind. Nothing seemed to happen, though the Doctor's back stiffened. She tried harder, taking the stiffening as a sign that something was happening.

"Here." He tried to help, tapping the memory. Suddenly the whole thing spread out around her scene by scene. "What's different? I know you were there, so try replacing it with the memory you have."

She did her best to repair what she knew was wrong, searching the memory from top to bottom. He watched the new information, frowning at how different it was from what he'd thought he'd remembered. He kept glancing at her somewhere between worried and stunned. She wasn't paying much attention to him, wrapped up in what she was doing.

The red sand started to crumble, leaving a tiled floor. They were in a museum, the Pandorica open and around them and the Ponds and River running down the hall towards them.

"Does that look right?" He asked.

"Yes, I think so." She sighed wearily.

"Then you've got to get out of here before you're crushed." She nodded, though it didn't seem as though she had actually heard him.

He started at her, waiting for her to move. "Go. Now!" She fell to her knees, breathing heavily. "Dammit, River."

He pulled on her arms and suddenly they were flung upwards. The Doctor let go and River went crashing back through the way she came.

The force was enough to throw her about a foot away from the bed, landing unconscious on the floor.

Vastra was standing over her, looking very concerned and instantly trying to help her up, worrying more when River didn't open her eyes. "Oh dear..." She did her best to drag River over to separate cot getting her onto it and moving to tend to her.

River's forehead was burning with the overheating of her brain. Vastra started to realize what she'd walked in on, running to get ice and surrounding River's head with it.

The Doctor's mind was a dangerous place, even for full Timelords and River's mind wasn't much safer. Vastra didn't know why, but the two had gone into each other's minds unprotected and now both were suffering dire consequences.

River's nose had started bleeding as well, get heart rates dropping. Vastra looked frantically around the shelves, finding the device she'd scanned the River's baby with a few months ago. Quickly setting the dials and buttons, she placed it on River's chest, running to get more ice. She'd need a constant supply. River's mind was shutting itself down to avoid further aggravation.

The TARDIS flashed to show the information to Vastra, who made a frustrated noise. She had no idea how to help either of her friends without accidentally hurting them. The TARDIS, looking to help the woman, began to show diagrams and names of medications she had to give River in order to help her.

Vastra went over the list, already mentally crossing off ones she knew weren't safe. Strung high, she searched for the ones the TARDIS suggested, still having strong doubts. The device she'd put on River was only a temporary fix to keep her hearts steady, and even so, she was afraid her efforts would fail her friends.

The TARDIS scanner showed a positive response to the device, though it was unclear if the response was permanent. Vastra found what medications she could, triple checking all the labels before preparing syringes with each one. She checked the scanners again, trying to process all the information she was given and keeping watch for new notes or more clear directions.

After about an hour, River's stats looked stable enough so that she didn't need anyone treatment. "Oh thank the Goddess." Vastra sighed in relief, slumping into a nearby chair and putting her head in her hands.

Arthur started wailing down the hall, his cries starting out as whimpers, soon turned into loud, hungry wails. Vastra, concerned to leave the parents alone, got up to tend to the crying baby. His cries increased when there was no immediate response, wanting River and the Doctor.

Vastra went to the nursery, scooping him up and hushing him. "It's alright, little one."

"Muuummaha." He whimpered, "Daa!"

"They're a little busy at the moment." She murmured, walking back to the med bay.

"Daaaaaa." He whimpered again. Vastra sighed and put Arthur on the still unconscious Doctor's chest. He whimpered and squirmed, wanting the Doctor to wake up.

Though his nose bleed had stopped and he'd been stable since River had intervened, the Doctor was still repairing. "I'm sure he'll be awake in the morning."

Arthur calmed down a bit, babbling to himself as he lay on the Doctor. She certainly hoped they'd be awake, though she was praying to the Goddess that they would just make it through the rest of the night.


	30. Wake

**Ch 30**

As the hours ticked by, River remained stable for the most part. There were a few jumps in her brain waves, but they quickly corrected themselves.

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, Arthur whined for River and Vastra switched him to lie on her chest instead. She didn't sleep at all. Arthur eventually fell asleep on his mother's chest, holding onto her hair.

It was about an hour or two after the lights on the TARDIS signaled morning that the Doctor twitched. Vastra stood, going to his side and watching him closely, hopeful. His hand twitched, then made a fist, then lifted and scrubbed over his face as he groaned back a yawn.

"Doctor?" Vastra sounded hopeful.

"What-..." He took a deep breath, wincing at the light. "My head is killing me."

"Oh, thank goodness." She murmured.

"What happ-" He suddenly sat bolt upright, flinching at the pain it caused. "River!"

"Doctor, you need to lay down." She murmured, pushing him back down lightly.

"No, River. Is she- I need to help her." He clearly wasn't clear headed.

"She's alright right now, just calm down and lay back. You need to rest."

"What happened, no, is she-?" He managed to catch sight of her in the other cot, not feeling at all assured.

"She's resting, just as you should be. Now please, calm down."

He let out a puff of air and put his hand on his forehead. "How long have I been out?"

"Since last night. Not too long after you called me." She murmured.

"What about River?" He fretted.

She shook her head, "I'm not exactly sure. She took the children to dinner not long after you.. .fell unconscious. She seemed extremely tired and I was worried about her so I can back to make sure she was alright and I found her like that."

"This is all my fault." He groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"Doctor, I'm sure that's not true." She tried to assure him.

"No, it was my mind. She shouldn't have gone in. I tried to tell her." He sounded distraught.

"She's not naive, Doctor. She knows how dangerous it is to enter your mind. She knew what she was doing and you can't blame yourself for the choices she makes."

"But it was _my_ mind that hurt her." He whispered.

"But it wasn't intentional."

He shook his head slowly. "It wasn't. I'm sorry. I just... I feel so terrible that all this is happening. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves to be safe and happy and she's not."

Vastra couldn't argue with him on that point. She had the same concern for her friend. "Do you know which connection she chose?" Vastra had seen it on the scan of her brain several hours before when she had been trying to help recover River's stability. H

e nodded. "I do." He'd been able to see when River was in his mind, most of hers exposed at the time. "But I feel like I pushed her into it." Once again, Vastra didn't comment. She knew how much the connection between River and Arthur had meant to River, but she also knew how much River valued the Doctor's opinion deep down.

"I don't want her to neglect Terra, but I don't want to force that relationship on her because she's not ready. Ugh, I just feel like a useless idiot."

"She'll come around eventually." Vastra murmured, though she wasn't terribly confident.

"I don't know if she will. She can act like it for Terra's sake, but I don't think she will." He sighed. "I don't know what to do."

"Give her time. I don't know what other advice to give you other than that. You two will work it out. You always do."

"I hate the in between, though. What if she hates me for pushing her? What if she hides her fear more than she already is?" He turned on his side to look at his wife. Her nose had begun to bleed again.

Vastra glanced back as well, going to wipe away the blood, "You'll work it out." She repeated.

He tried to sit up again, not feeling any better about the situation. "She needs Ikhynase."

"I'll get it for her then. You stay down." She walked over to the medicine cabinet, getting River the medication she needed.

"In her neck is most effective." He murmured, feeling useless.

She nodded, injecting the liquid into her neck. "Would you like to see your son?"

He nodded, allowing himself to sit up in bed. She gently scooped up the baby, carrying him over to his father. "Hey, there champ." He murmured. Arthur gurgled happily, reaching up to touch the Doctor's lip. "What have you been up to, little man?"

"Muhmaa." He murmured.

"She's sleeping, lovie." He sighed, Arthur tugging his lip.

As he did this, River coughed, slowly starting to wake. All three pairs of eyes went to her, Vastra moving to her side and the Doctor trying to get up. River moaned in pain, opening her eyes slowly. All three were above her at that point.

Arthur clapped. "Muh!" River stared at the baby for a minute, looking very confused.

"Mama muhma mumahw!" Arthur reached for her. River opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, staring blankly at the Doctor.

"River?" Vastra asked. "Do you know where you are?"

She shook her head slowly.

"Do you know who we are?"

She frowned. "Of course, I know who I am."

"No, _us_." Vastra pointed to herself and the man beside her. "The Doctor and I. _Arthur._ "

She shook her head slowly. The Doctor's face went pale and he had to sit down.

"What can you remember?" Vastra continued questioning.

"That's mine." She murmured, pointing to Arthur, recognition suddenly sparking in her eyes.

"He's your son, yes. Can you remember his name?"

"Arthur." River said affectionately, holding her arms out.

Vastra plucked Arthur from the Doctor's arms, depositing him with his mother. The boy didn't at all object, mumbling 'muh' a few times.

"Hello, my sweet." River murmured, smiling down at him.

"River, you're not finished. You've got to concentrate on what's going on." Vastra redirected her attention. She held the baby close to her, her eyes flickering hesitantly to the Doctor. There was no sign of recognition in her eyes.

"Can you remember your other children?" She asked.

She nodded, "Amelia and Freya."

"And her name?" Vastra pointed to River's belly.

"Her?" River asked, looking down at her middle.

"The child in your womb." She clarified.

"I don't know."

"Did you know she was there?"

"Yes, but I didn't know it was a girl." She murmured.

"You and your husband found that out not too long ago," Vastra explained.

"My husband?" She raised an eyebrow.

"The father of your children. They _do_ have a father."

"Obviously." River snapped.

"But you can't remember him...?" Vastra stood her ground.

She shook her head. The Doctor looked more concerned and distraught by the moment. "But..." River looked at the other woman closely, "I know you."

"Yes, we've known each other for a very long time." She replied softly.

"You're my friend. You're Vastra."

"That's right." Vastra took a seat on River's bed. "And I'm here to help you."

"Who's that?" She asked, nodding towards the Doctor.

"He's... He's the Doctor." She murmured.

"Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor." The Doctor spoke up, voice broken.

"Are you my Doctor?" River asked, a bit confused as to why a professional would be getting so emotional.

"Depends on the day." He muttered.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" She asked.

"Nothing." He looked at the floor.

"Not much of a professional, are you?" She frowned. There was something in her mind that was turning her off to him.

"I never said I was, I only told you my name."

"Well, that's awfully confusing and not much of a name if you ask me." She huffed.

"It's a title." He frowned. "Many if not most Gallifreyans have a title different from their name."

"Well, I'm sorry to say I don't much care to hear your history. I want to go home." She tried to stand.

"This is your home," Vastra said. "You're in the TARDIS."

"This is not my home." She scowled, "What's a TARDIS?"

Vastra blinked, ignoring her question. "Where do you think your home is?"

"My flat." She murmured, "Where else would home be?"

Vastra hesitated. "Do you... know what a Timelord is."

"Yes, of course, I know what a Timelord is. I'm a Timelord, or at least partly. Now, I don't want a history lesson. I want to go home." She was only on her feet for a moment before falling.

Vastra was only quick enough to catch Arthur, not River. The Doctor immediately got up and was instinctively at his wife's side. River's eyes snapped open and she looked around, panting slightly, "Where am I? Doctor?"

"I'm here. You're in the med bay." He searched her face.

"Oh...I...oh, my head." She murmured.

"Does it hurt? Do you need something?" He asked quickly.

"I'm fine." She sighed, slowly getting up and sitting back on the bed.

"You fell, you're not fine." He fretted.

"I am fine, Doctor, _please_." Her tone had an edge to it.

He bit his lip. "I have the right to be worried." She stiffened but didn't say anything.

"Muuuh." Arthur wiggled, wanting to be back in River's arms. River wanted to hold him, reaching her arms out.

Vastra put him back. "I wouldn't stand up this time. That was close."

River cuddled the baby close to her, trying to use their connection.

 _Mad at Daddy?_

 _Sad._ She thought back, holding him tighter.

 _Sad at Daddy?_ Arthur didn't understand.

She nodded, _Sad that Daddy didn't want me to pick you. Sad that I couldn't hold onto you._

 _Still here._ He still didn't really get it, but he thought that might help.

She swallowed, holding him tightly. Her shoulders shaking slightly with unrealized tears.

 _Holding me now...?_

 _Shhhh_. She murmured, nuzzling his cheek.

Very soon, footsteps came down that hall and the girls peered into the med bay. "Mummy!" Amelia ran into the room. "Are you sick?"

River shook her head, finally looking up, "No, I'm alright."

"Why are you sleeping in here? When did Auntie Vastra come back?"

"She came back last night and we all fell asleep in here after checking on your sister."

"Is she okay?" Both girls started climbing on the bed.

River nodded, "We just wanted to see her."

"Do you have pictures?"

"Oh, no. We forgot to take them." She lied.

Freya frowned. "Well, can you look again so we can see?"

"If you want." She nodded.

"Yay!" She clapped. "Daddy, bring the thingy over so we can see our baby sister!"

River glanced at the Doctor, very hesitant to see their child. He slowly brought the ultrasound, looking at her to make sure it was okay. She was extremely stiff, her face draining.

"River if you don't want to..."

"It's fine." She said quickly, not wanting to disappoint the girls.

"Alright. Lift your shirt please." He murmured She slowly lifted her top so her belly was exposed.

"I wanna help!" Amelia insisted, reaching for the blue gel. River watched her daughter, refusing to look at the screen.

Arthur made a noise, curious as to what the screen was showing. "Beeee Baa!" He tried to say.

"Yes, Arthur. That's your little sister." The Doctor pointed, doing a look over of the screen himself.

"Me ba ba!"

He nodded. "And she looks to be doing just fine."

River still wasn't looking at the screen, watching Arthur instead. The boy was staring wide eyed. _Looks funny._

"That's what small babies look like." River murmured.

 _How is it in the box now?_ He glanced back at her belly.

"Magic." She answered, too tired to explain.

"What's magic? Freya asked.

"Nothing, sweetie." She murmured, wanting to go back to sleep

"Can we have breakfast now?"

"Of course." She murmured, "What would you like?"

"Pancakes!" Amelia grinned.

"I can make them." Vastra offered, "Would you girls like to help me?" She felt that the Doctor and River should have some time alone.

"Yes !" They cheered, rather distracted from whatever their parents were up to.

"I want chocolate chips!" Freya insisted.

"Alright, we can do that," Vastra smiled, going to take Arthur from River. Arthur whined, not wanting to leave River's arms. Vastra ignored the whining, leading the girls out of the room.

The Doctor turned off the ultrasound, wiping off the gel from River's skin and starting to clean up a bit. River shifted so she was sitting up, staying silent.

"River?" He said after a minute. "Do you remember what happened?"

"A bit." She sighed.

"Would you like me to fill in the blanks?" He asked.

"No. I'd rather not remember."

He nodded. "...Do you remember who I am?"

"Yes." She nodded slowly.

He relaxed some, looking at the floor. "I'm... sorry about what happened."

"Don't." She squeezed her eyes shut, "Please...don't..."

He snapped his mouth shut, sitting slowly on the edge on his cot. She buried her head in her hands, wishing she hadn't had to choose her daughter over her son.

"Do you want me to go?" He whispered. His arms ached to hold her, but he had a feeling he'd be pushed away if he tried.

"I don't care what you do." She sighed, her tone wasn't harsh, just tired and defeated.

He stood and walked towards the door, though instead of leaving, turned and settled into the chair Vastra had sat in. She glanced up at him. He tried to look as assuring as he could. "Tell me if you need anything for the headache."

"I'll be fine." She whispered. "Are you alright?"

"Tired." He murmured, not bothering to mention his own headache.

"You should rest then."

"I am." He murmured, wiggling in his chair to emphasize.

"I mean you should take a nap." She clarified.

He shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"Alright, then." She sniffed. He leaned back and fiddled with his thumbs. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

"I... No." He looked at his hands, knowing she didn't want to talk about what happened, though he realized that silence wasn't a good choice either so spoke the first subject that came to mind. "You haven't learned any sign yet."

"It's only been two days." She muttered.

"Just an observation." He backed off quickly, though knew that there wasn't a ton of wiggle room around the timing.

Periwinkle started on the edges of River's mind. She grew more frustrated when the color appeared, not knowing what it meant.

"The girls quite enjoy it, though. I didn't think they'd be so excited." He murmured.

"At least they're happy." She sighed, rubbing her temples.

"You sure you don't want anything for the pain?" He offered again.

"It's not the pain." She sighed, "She's using colors again and I don't know what they mean."

"I do if you tell me the color."

"Periwinkle." She looked at him, a slight frown on her face.

"Empathy. The kind felt when apologizing." He replied.

She swallowed, nodding slowly. The color turned more earthy, though the hue stayed sharp. "She's showing green now."

"What shade?" "Earthy, but sharp."

"Guilt for something unchangeable."

 _Stop it._ River thought back.

 _Stop it._ Terra echoed, unclear on the meaning of the words. River was surprised by the words, not having expected to get anything back.

"River?" He looked at her, wondering what changed her expression.

"She repeated what I said..."

"That makes sense." He murmured.

"Why is that?"

"It's a way to learn if she doesn't know what a word means yet." He explained.

"Right." She breathed, slowly resting a hand on her belly, "Of course."

"You could try talking to her a bit more... Help her learn." He suggested gently.

She stared at him, obviously tensing, "I could."

He watched for carefully, taking note of her tension. "You don't have to now." He added.

She nodded slowly, "Right..."

Terra nudged against River's hand. For the first time, River didn't immediately pull her hand away, looking down at the spot. The Doctor looked as well. Another nudge, then pale yellow.

"What does yellow mean?" She asked softly.

"Darker can relate to worrying, light leans more towards hope."

"Come put your hand here," River whispered, moving hers away so he could put his on. The Doctor carefully and lightly placed his hand where hers hand been, constantly watching her body language to make sure his actions were okay.

The color slowly disappeared replaced by the emotion it had been representing.

River gently placed her hands over his, allowing him to use more pressure, sighed, "I don't want to fight with you."

He looked up at her, allowing his breath to escape. "I don't want to fight with you either."

"I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too. And I'm really sorry about what's happened. If I'd had control over it I would have stopped it."

"I'd rather not talk about it, Doctor." She whispered.

"Alright." He nodded, daring to wrap his arms around her. "That's okay."

She closed her eyes, pressing her face against his shoulder. He held her a bit more confidently.

 _Mum._

River sighed, not noticing the word at first.

"You hungry?" He asked.

 _Mummmm_. This time, it was more like a hum.

"Not really." She sighed, though she tensed a bit when she finally noticed the hum.

"You should rest then." He murmured.

"I'm sure Vastra was up all night trying to help us, she needs more rest than I do."

"We could ask her."

River closed her eyes, pressing the palm of her hand against her forehead as the hum intensified.

You alright?" He frowned.

"Yes, I'm fine. Let's go talk to Vastra." She removed her hand, raising and walking out of the room. He followed and they headed towards the kitchen where they could hear Arthur still whining.

"Mummy's coming," River called, walking faster down the hall when she heard the baby's cries.

There was a stack of pancakes in the middle of the table that the girls were feasting from. They waved at River when she entered. Vastra was trying to calm Arthur, pacing with him in her arms.

"I can take him." River murmured, holding out her arms and smiling at her daughters, "You should go rest."

Vastra handed the boy off and he immediately calmed. "I... Are you sure? What if something happens again?"

"I'm positive." She kissed Arthur's temple, "Go."

Vastra smiled at River and nodded a small thanks, disappearing into the TARDIS.


	31. You're Doing it Wrong

**Ch 31**

"What would you girls like to do today?" River asked, sitting down next to Freya.

"Fairy kingdom!" Freya declared at the same time as Amelia said,

"The Caves of Sinatolle."

"What if instead of those things, we had a rest day?" River suggested.

"Aw! But I want to go on an adventure." Freya pouted.

"But we just went on one yesterday." River pointed out.

"We left before we saw any mermaids." She countered.

"Freya I don't think Daddy and I have enough energy to go on an adventure two days in a row."

She sighed. "What about tomorrow?"

"We'll see, but I can't make any promises." Freya nodded.

Amelia didn't seem as phased, pointing at the pancake stack. "Want some?"

"Of course! Did you help make them?" She asked.

"Yes!" Both of them nodded.

"That one has extra chocolate chips." Amelia pointed.

"Oh, well then I'm sure they're delicious." River beamed, glancing up at the Doctor, "Would you like some?"

He nodded, wondering what had changed to make her so much happier than before. Maybe she was just acting that way for the girls. He grabbed plates and forks for them as Toby padded into the room. Toby sat in front of the Doctor, barking at him, hoping to get some food.

"Girls, has Toby gotten breakfast yet?"

They nodded, "And he got a pancake."

He shook his finger at the dog. "Stop begging, you already got some."

He whimpered, putting his front paws up on the man's lap. The Doctor caved, letting him lick the syrup from his fingers.

River finished her food, picked up Arthur to feed him in the other room. Toby tried to follow her, thinking she might be more willing to give him a pancake. "No, Toby I'm not going to-" She stopped, grabbing the doorframe with the hand that wasn't holding Arthur.

Toby pushed his nose against her leg and the Doctor looked up. "River?"

"I'm not going to feed you." She finished and then exited the room as if nothing had happened. The Doctor followed.

Arthur began to grow fussy. "Alright, alright. You'll get fed in a minute." River whispered, taking him to the nursery, not noticing that the Doctor was following her.

The boy continued to complain until River was sitting down and he was receiving his breakfast. She stroked his head, leaning back and closing her eyes as he ate.

"River?" The Doctor finally made himself apparent.

She jumped, "Hmm?"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." He stepped into the room, peering at their son. "It's just that you never really answered me."

"What was your question?" She asked, grabbing the blanket off the back of the rocking chair, draping it over their feeding son so the Doctor wouldn't be distracted.

"Well, it was a more general sort of..." He shook his head, getting on with it. "You paused back there in the doorway. I know I shouldn't worry so much, but I do and I just wanted to know if you were alright." He said sort of all at once.

"I'm fine." She murmured, closing her eyes.

"Tired?"

Tiber and Mr Thomas stalked into the room.

She nodded, "A bit."

The former of the two cats tried to jump on River's lap, thinking there'd be enough room for him. Arthur started to whimper and wail when he got scratched by the cat's claws.

"Oh, Tiber!" River cried, looking over the claw scratch on the baby's leg. "It's alright, Arthur, I've got you."

 _Why'd he do that?_ Arthur cried as the Doctor shooed the cat away. _Ow, ow!_

 _It was an accident, my sweet. He didn't mean to do it._

 _It hurts! Make it go away._

She leaned down, kissing the spot, "It'll stop hurting in a minute. Finish eating now." River sighed, looking back up at the Doctor once Arthur had settled and gone back to feeding.

He tried to offer a smile or at least some sort of assuring look. "I can look after the girls today if you'd like to rest."

She shook her head, "I don't want them thinking that something's wrong."

"Then we'll let them know nothing's wrong." He reasoned.

"And you think they'll believe that?" She sighed, "I'm fine, Doctor."

"Alright." He conceded.

Terra kicked in Arthur's direction. Arthur began to cry again, not liking all the disruption during his meal.

"I'll go check on the girls." The Doctor said.

"Oh… alright." River breathed.

"I'll come back with them." He promised. "But they shouldn't be unsupervised."

"Right. Go ahead."

He kissed her cheek and went off to the girls.

Terra pushed again. She put her free hand on her belly, putting counter pressure on the spot.

 _Mummmm._

"Shhhhh." River hushed.

 _Why?_

She swallowed, not saying anything. Terra nudged yet again and Arthur let out an unhappy noise.

"Shhhh." River held Arthur tighter.

He wiggled. _Nap._

"Okay. Let's go put you down for a nap." She fixed her top. He seemed to calm at this, nuzzling against her. She stood, gently placing him in his crib. He grabbed the closest stuffed animal which happened to be a bear and hugged it close. She smiled softly, nuzzling his cheek and giving him a soft kiss.

"Muh." He blinked up at her.

"Yes?" She held her finger out for him.

He grabbed it and tried to stick it in his mouth.

"Hey!" She laughed. "What are you doing?"

"Ngah." He replied.

She smiled down at him, "Love you. Can you say love you, Mumma?"

"Wuh-mmmma!"

"Yes! Very good!" She praised.

His eyelids grew heavy. _Sing song._ She sighed, singing a quick lullaby. Arthur was asleep by the time she finished. She quietly exited the room to find the rest of her family.

They weren't in the kitchen anymore, laughing coming from down the hall. River followed the noise, walking down the hallway. The Doctor, girls, and Toby had all found a room with bouncy floors and walls.

River stood in the doorway, watching her family, "What are you all doing?"

"We found a bouncy room!" Freya called, bounding over to her.

"Yes, I see."

"Come bounce with us." She pulled on her mother's arm.

"No, I think I'll just watch. I don't think Terra would want me bouncing around."

"It's so fun! It's like there's not gravity."

"Well, I'm glad you're having so much fun," River smiled.

"I'm gonna bounce all day!" Freya declared and then jumped off to do so.

The Doctor took her spot next to his wife, a little out of breath. "Arthur asleep?"

River nodded, "Yes, he's asleep."

"He'll probably be up for lunch." He pointed out.

She nodded again, "Yes, he usually is." Leaning over, she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

He smiled softly, resting his arm around her waist as they watched their daughters. "We ought to give Vastra a ride home when she wakes.

She hummed, resting her head against his shoulder. "Yes, but let's let her sleep for now."

"We should properly thank her for helping us."

"Of course, we'll thank her."

"I meant with like chocolates or something." He corrected himself.

"We could take her to dinner." She suggested.

"Ah, now there's a good idea." He hummed.

"And speaking of going out to dinner. You haven't taken me out on a date in a while." She murmured.

"We've been a bit busy." He pointed out. "But if it's something you're up for, do you want to go out with me?"

"I would love to go out with you." She murmured, giving him another kiss.

"Lady's choice. Any place in the universe you want." He grinned.

"I'd love to go to that open air market in Sav'tena, but in the wintertime when it's all decorated for Kushcula." She smiled, "They may have some blankets we could get for the baby."

"Now the only problem is getting a babysitter. If we go while the girls are at school, we'll only need someone to take care of Arthur."

"We could drop him with Jack. I know he loves watching his nephew."

"He'll spoil the boy rotten." He laughed, though was in agreement.

"My baby? Rotten? Oh never!" She laughed.

Terra gave a hard thwack towards River's ribs, the movement of her mother's laughing startling her. "Oh!" She winced, laughter immediately stopping.

"River?" He stopped too.

"I'm fine..." She whispered, rubbing the now sore spot.

"Kicking hard?" He tried to guess, watching her hand make small circles.

She nodded, "I guess she didn't like it when I laughed."

"I suppose it would be an odd thing her her to experience." He observed.

She hummed, "Yes, I suppose you're right."

"She probably doesn't understand what caused it."

River nodded slowly.

"So, Sav'tena. Just the market or a meal too?" He changed the subject.

"Oh, meal as well. Don't think you'll get to get around buying me dinner." She cheered up once more, "There's a restaurant that I heard is absolutely wonderful but I'm sure it'll be absolutely crazy during the time I want to go."

"I'll see if I can land on a quieter day." He promised. "What does it serve?"

"Well, they marinate everything in red wine. They have Kalkavash, brazen fargen. "

"Oh, that sounds brilliant." He hummed. "Excellent choice."

"Thank you." She beamed

"I know I just ate pancakes, but all this food talk makes me want something good. Any requests for lunch?"

She hummed, "I don't know. What are you in the mood for?"

"Something with fowl. Defiantly in a bird mood." He decided.

"Fowl?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Chicken, duck, j'knard..." He listed some examples.

"You're making me hungry."

"I could go early and cook something really spectacular for you and the girls." He suggested.

"Mmm that's very tempting."

"Aren't I always?" He teased.

"Oh shut up." She hit his arm playfully.

"Not a chance." He chuckled.

"Oh, really?" She chuckled, leaning over and giving him a kiss. He kissed back happily and Terra kicked against the laughing. River was too wrapped up in the kiss to pay her daughter much mind. Terra calmed as the laughing stopped.

The Doctor cupped his wife's cheek.

She blinked at him, smiling softly, "What?"

"Nothing." He murmured, smiling back.

She grinned, "Oh, okay."

"If you must know," He bopped her nose. "I was just thinking how wonderful you are."

She raised an eyebrow, "Oh, really?"

" _Really_ really _._ " He nodded.

She beamed, pressing her forehead to his, "Love you."

"I love you, too." He kissed her again. The girls saw, this time, creating a background chorus of grossed out noises. River laughed against his lips, slowly pulling away.

 _Stop it._ Terra echoed River's words from before.

She tensed, laughter stopping. _No._ Terra went quiet, trying to figure out the meaning of the new word.

"River?" The Doctor looked at her with a slight frown.

"What?" She whispered, turning her attention back to him.

"You... look a bit tense." He observed.

"Oh...I didn't realize." She murmured, "I should… check on the baby."

"Alright." He offered a smile and rubbed her arm.

"I'll be right back."

Toby stopped bouncing long enough to follow her from the room. River smiled at the dog's company, leading him to the nursery.

Arthur was still asleep in his cot, legs kicking out in correlation with whatever he was dreaming about. River smiled, watching him for a few minutes, not wanting to disturb his sleep. Toby, on the other hand, didn't have as much courtesy, licking the boy's hand which was sticking through the bars of the crib.

"Hey, Toby, no." River scolded quietly, grabbing his collar and pulling him away. He whimpered and Arthur stirred at the noise. She hushed the dog, hoping he hadn't woken the baby.

Arthur whined as he woke, looking around.

"Shhh. Okay." River sighed, touching Arthur's tummy, "It's just Mummy."

He looked at he a bit startled bit relaxed a bit. "Muh."

"Yes, Mumma." She repeated, smiling down at him.

He blinked up at her, starting to really wake up now. "Wuf!" _Doggy._

"Yes, doggy woke you up."

He lifted his hand up, examining the sliminess Toby left behind. _Ew._

River grabbed a baby wipe, cleaning the saliva off of his hands. "There, all better."

He reached his hands up to her. _Up!_

"Okay, up we go." She lifted him out of the crib, nuzzling his cheek. He made a gleeful noise and Toby pushed against River's leg in protest of being ignored. "Well if you wanted my attention so badly, you shouldn't have woken him up." She told the dog, giving him a pat on the head. Toby made something similar to a huff, marching off back to the girls who wouldn't be as reluctant to play as River was.

River bounced Arthur on her hip, "Want to go see Daddy?"

 _Yes!_ "Da!" He grinned. She smiled, carrying him out the door and down the hall back the way she had come.

The room had changed into a jungle gym by the time she'd returned, the girls climbing on anything they could get their hands on.

Terra's mind was still buzzing away and the mystery meaning of her few and newly discovered words.

"These two are going to be absolutely worn out later," River commented, coming up beside the Doctor.

He nodded in agreement, looking up at her. "And someone else isn't." That was directed towards their son.

"Unfortunately not." She murmured, pressing kisses to Arthur's cheeks, trying to make him giggle. She succeeded, the boy giggling and squirming.

"I don't think you'll mind that too much." The Doctor smiled at her.

"Of course not!" She laughed, tickling Arthur's belly. She was much more affectionate with Arthur than she had when the girls were babies and she gave him much more attention and love than she was giving Terra.

"Looks like we all have some competition." He commented, watching her ogle over their son.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She paused, looking over at him.

He shrugged, adorning a playful tone. "All he's had to do is be in the same room as you to get that look on your face. Some days, it takes me flowers and a meal to get you so gleeful."

She didn't find the comment as playful as his tone, "Well, that's certainly not true."

"Only teasing, dear." He added.

"It doesn't really sound like it." She muttered.

"Sorry." He apologized.

Arthur whined, wanting the attention back. River just shushed him softly. Arthur stopped complaining, going to observe the new room around him. River let him crawl along the floor to explore.

Toby strolled by the baby's side, helping him figure out his crawling. River watched the baby closely, obviously wanting to be near him.

"He's getting pretty good at crawling." The Doctor commented.

She hummed softly, "He'll be walking soon."

"We should get him one of those walker thingamajigs like you said."

"Yes, but I don't want to spoil him." She murmured.

"The girls were around this age when they started using that thing. We probably still have theirs somewhere."

"We could look for it later if you'd like."

"Sounds good." He murmured, watching as Arthur stumbled a bit and Toby nudged him back into balance.

Arthur looked up at the dog, giggling. Toby sniffed the top of his head, pushing him to move back towards his parents. Arthur wasn't very interested in going back towards River and the Doctor. He tried to wiggle in the direction of his sisters instead.

The dog kept sitting in front of him, annoyingly blocking his path. The boy looked up at the big animal, whimpered when he didn't get his way. Toby made a similar noise, pawing at the ground and again trying to get him to go the other way. Arthur started to wail, trying to hit the dog out of his way with his tiny fists. Toby blinked down at the small thing, not affected by the hits.

The Doctor came over and scooped Arthur up. "Now, now. What's the matter, lovie?"

"Siiaaass!" He cried, pointed to Amelia and Freya.

"Oh, that's all?" He smiled softly, carrying over to where the girls were.

"Yaya!" He beamed, pointing to Freya.

The girls climbed down from their perch at the noises of their brother. "That's _my_ name!" Freya said excitedly.

"Ammeee!" He tried Amelia, this time, clapping his hands.

"I think someone wanted to see you." The Doctor informed them.

"Do you want to play spider monkey rescuers with us?" Amelia asked.

Arthur made a noise of approval, but the Doctor shook his head. "He's too little for climbing."

"Well… what if he's the baby spider monkey? Then he doesn't have to climb."

"What does the baby spider monkey get to do?" He asked.

"Well, the baby spider monkey is in danger because he got lost and stuck in a tree so he has to pretend to be stuck and Freya and I will come and save him since we're the spider monkey rescuers." She explained.

"Well..." He considered, glancing back at River.

"If Daddy can stay with him then he can play," River said from her spot.

"Alright, I guess he can play then." The Doctor nodded, turning back to them.

"Yay!" The girls cheered.

Toby padded back over to River, taking the Doctor's spot. River pat the dog's head, sighing softly.

Terra kicked. _Mummm._

River swallowed, finally responding to the call, _What is it, dear?_

Little shimmering pieces of excitement bubbled up to River as it was the first non-hostile answer she'd gotten from her mother.

She cleared her throat, shifting slightly, _Do you need something?_ She kept her tone gentle, despite her discomfort.

There was a moment of thought, though it was unclear weather it was to think of her answer or figure out what River was saying. _Words_. Terra finally replied.

 _What about them, my love?_ She asked

 _...Need ...More._ Terra managed.

 _Don't worry, you'll get more._ River thought, _You're getting very good with your words._

The next emotion was mild frustration as Terra didn't feel like she had many at all, let alone good use with them. _More._

 _In time, Terra._

 _Terra?_ She echoed back questioningly.

 _Yes, darling. That's your name._ She watched the Doctor as she spoke with the little girl.

 _Name._ She repeated, distracted by the thought of possessing one.

River let the girl think, falling silent. Arthur squealed in excitement from his place in the Doctor's arms as the girls 'rescued' him. River smiled, her heart warming at the sight.

"Maah!" He squirmed. She waved to the boy, blowing him a kiss.

The Doctor brought him back over to River. "I think he wants you to hold him for a bit."

"Oh, gladly." She smiled, nuzzling the baby's cheek.

"Guboo! Saiiissss, uhn!" Arthur babbled, trying to tell her about the game he'd got to play.

River laughed, "Yes! Yes, I know! I saw."

He giggled and settled into her arms. _Big brother._

She kissed his forehead, "I don't think you've gotten to feel your sister move yet today." She murmured.

His eyes widened at the idea. _Move?_

"Yes, here, let's see if she'll move for us." She stretched out her legs, sitting Arthur down on them so he was facing her belly. She moved his hands so they were rested just where Terra's feet were.

Terra pushed back in surprise at the touch. _Who?_

 _That's your big brother, Arthur._

 _Brother._ She repeated, not really knowing what it meant. Her mother seemed fine with the person, though, so it helped relax her.

River smiled at Arthur, "Can you feel her?" The boy made a gleeful noise in confirmation. She smiled, "You two will have so much fun together."

He looked up at his mum. _When?_

"Soon." She pressed a kiss to his forehead.

 _But_ how _soon?_ He insisted.

"A couple of months."

He pouted, pushing a little on her middle. _No, sooner._

"No, sweetie, you have to wait."

 _Why?_ He complained. _Play._

"Because she's not big enough yet." She didn't like him pushing on her belly.

 _Make her bigger._

"I can't. She has to get bigger on her own."

He made some sort of snort which was meant to be a huff. _How do we play?_

"You'll only get to play with her after she's born." She clarified.

 _Oh._ He wasn't too happy about that. River sighed, hoping he wouldn't get terribly upset, though she could tell he was already cranky from not getting enough sleep during his nap.

Terra nudged back against her brother, starting to figure out who he was. Arthur whimpered, looking back at the Doctor.

"What the matter, little man?" He looked down at Arthur.

"Baabaa siia!" He whined, pushing against his sister again, trying to express his discontent with the situation.

"Careful there." He sat down in front of the two, pulling Arthur a bit further away to he couldn't push that hard. "I know it's not fun to be patient, but your sister's got to grow big and strong before she can come out."

Arthur whimpered, trying to crawl back into the spot he had been in, not liking getting pulled away.

"Is he being gentle enough?" The Doctor asked.

"Of course, Doctor, he's only a baby." This was a lie, of course, but she would never deny her son.

"The girls were very destructive babies. Do you remember how many lamps they knocked over?" He teased, though didn't stop Arthur.

"What, are you afraid he's going to break me?" She teased back.

"You're not very breakable, love." He chuckled.

"That's for sure" She smiled, pulling him in for a kiss. Arthur squirmed between his parents as they tried to share a kiss over him. River pulled her husband closer.

"Nuh!" Arthur complained though the Doctor was very far from any complaint. River smiled against his lips, not paying their son's complaints much mind.

The Doctor finally pulled away when the boy's tiny hands found and yanked on his bow tie.

She smiled at him, "Well that was enjoyable while it lasted."

He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to extract his bow tie back from Arthur. "How about that fowl then? If I start now, it'll be ready by lunch."

"Alright, I'll be here with our children."

He gave her another quick kiss then stood and went to the kitchen.

"Shall we go play with your sisters?" River asked, standing with Arthur in her arms.

"Saais." He grinned his approval. She smiled, carding him back over to play with the girls. The girls dragged them into their game and they played with vigor until the Doctor called them for the meal.


	32. Playing With Fire

**Ch 32**

River and the kids came to the kitchen breathless and laughing, sitting down to their meal. The Doctor had roasted a duck and seasoned it just the way River enjoyed.

"What did you all get up to?"

"Oh my, this smells amazing," River smiled.

"We played Super Hero Archeologists and Mumma TARDIS made us bad guys and everything!" Freya explained.

"Really? I can't believe I missed that, sounds like you had a brilliant time." The Doctor sat next to his wife after placing the sauce down.

"Don't worry, I'll give you an in-depth recap later tonight." River winked, dishing out lunch for the girls.

He tried not to blush, though failed in doing so. "Where's Toby got off to?"

Amelia answered, "He's still barking at the bad guys. He didn't like it when they were holding Mummy and Arthur as hostages."

He chuckled. "I suspect not."

Arthur started whimpering at the mashed peas in front of him, pushing the jar away.

"What the matter, lovie?" The Doctor asked.

"Muuummmm!" He cried, sticking his hand in the pea jar and flicking it towards his parents.

"Oi! No doing that." He wiped the mashed pea from his face, looking at River.

She frowned, peas splattered on her cheek. "Well, I suppose I'll go feed you then."

"We could try giving him a different flavor first." The Doctor suggested.

"We could." River murmured, getting up to get a new jar.

"Try banana. He usually likes that."

She got a banana jar out of the cabinet, setting it down in front of the baby. Arthur looked suspiciously at it, then at the duck, reaching for that instead. River watched in surprise at her son's choice. He made an insisting noise and grabbed again. _Want that!_

"You can't… Arthur that's not for you."

 _But why not?_ He pouted.

"Because you don't have enough teeth to chew it, my sweet."

He stuck his finger in his mouth, feeling the tops of his very few teeth. "Tooop."

"Yes, now do you want bananas or do you want Mummy to feed you?"

"Mumm." He hummed, though was disappointed that he couldn't have what his sisters were having.

"Alright, come on you. I suppose Mummy will have to have her lunch later." She sighed, scooping the baby up.

"I'll make sure to save you a good piece." The Doctor promised, a bit disappointed she couldn't join them.

She nodded as she left, carrying the whimpering baby out.

"Why does Mummy always have to leave to feed Arthur?" Freya asked.

"...Do you know how babies get fed from their mums?" He asked. They shook their heads. "Well... babies get breast milk from their mothers so when they get fed it's a sort of private thing." He explained.

"Oh..." They murmured, going back to eating, quickly losing interest in the subject.

Toby joined them after a while, looking a bit tired from running around after holographic enemies. River joined them right as they were finishing lunch, looking rather cross.

"Alright, River?" The Doctor looked at her.

"Fine." She muttered.

"You look upset." He observed.

"Your son was throwing a temper tantrum."

"Do you want my help with anything?" He tried to offer.

"No, it's handled now." She sighed, "He's sleeping again."

"If he wakes up again, I'll get him so you have a break." He offered her the plate of duck he'd saved.

"Thank you." She murmured, sitting down to finally eat. It was a bit cold now, but the flavor was all still there.

"The girls were telling me about a new school project they're starting on Monday."

"Oh, are they?" She asked, trying to forget her sour mood.

The girls nodded, grinning and jumping in to tell her about the English leader they were going to learn about. River smiled and nodded, listening with interest.

Toby put his head on River's leg as the twins chatted, wanting some of her food. Terra ended up kicking Toby square in the nose as he was so close to her. The dog jumped back in surprise, whining in the back of his throat.

River laughed softly, looking down at the dog, "You didn't like that, did you." He pawed at the ground, sitting to beg for food from a safe distance.

She looked up at the Doctor, "This tastes lovely."

"I'm glad you like it." He replied proudly.

She suddenly reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly.

He frowned slightly. "You alright?" She closed her eyes, hiding a grimace, nodding. He wasn't at all close to convinced, keeping hold of her hand. "Girls, are you done with your lunch?"

They nodded, "Can we play?"

"If you put your plates in the sink and it's not too loud. I think we're going to have some down time for a while." They nodded, putting their plates in the sink.

Once they left, he turned back to River, looking over her as if he might find and injury. "Are you sure you're alright?"

She nodded again, starting to relax, "Yes, I'm sure."

He squeezed her hand. "Good." He cleared their plates. "So, what do you suggest we do in our downtime. Movie?"

She nodded, "A movie sounds nice."

Toby wasn't too happy about all the food being put away, but followed the pair to the movie room and settled with them on the couch. River sat, propping several pillows behind her back, "What do you want to watch?"

"Something unbelievably sappy." He decided.

She laughed, "Anything specific?"

"Well, preferably something really old with bad acting." He added.

She smiled, reaching for the remote. "Well, I can't say I watch many sappy romantic movies, but I may have just the thing for you." She turned on the television, putting an old movie on.

"Ooh, I like this one." He hummed once he realized what movie they were watching. She settled against his shoulder.

As the movie rolled, she paid less and less attention, her mind on something else. He didn't notice her distraction, to absorbed in the movie.

She stiffened about halfway through, squeezing her eyes shut. As his arm was around her, he felt the tension jump up and pulled his gaze away from the television. "Riv?"

"Yeah?" She breathed quietly.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Arthur..."

"Arthur? He's napping, isn't he?" He wasn't sure what she was talking about.

"You promised me this would happen slowly."

He blinked at her. "It's supposed to."

"Well, it's not."

"What do you mean?" He frowned.

"My connection with him, I can hardly feel it."

"Do you want to go to him?" He asked.

"He's sleeping..." She shook her head, "I don't want to go wake him."

He took her hand. "Your connection with him isn't gone, it's just weakening... faster that I thought."

She pulled her hands away, standing up, "Obviously."

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know this would happen."

She shook her head, "Just watch your movie." She headed out of the room. He didn't really want to watch the movie anymore, worried more about River.

River went to go sit with Arthur, silent so she wouldn't wake him. The boy moved about in his sleep, limbs occasionally jerking one way or another. She didn't speak at all, clinging to the little bit of him that she had left.

It was a little while before Arthur opened his eyes, whimpering.

"Shhh, shhh." She murmured, standing up and going to stand over the cradle.

"Muuummmmmmm!" He reached for her. River scooped him up, nuzzling his cheek.

He calmed some, clinging to her. _What's... happen?_

"We're not going to be connected anymore." She whispered, his distress upsetting her even more. He made a noise of protest, not really understanding. "I know...I know." She whispered, holding him tighter.

He transferred a feeling to her that was some mix of worry and sadness. She tried to comfort him, squeezing her eyes shut to hide the fact that she wanted to cry.

 _Sisss...?_

"What about her?" She asked.

 _Okay?_

"She's fine." She sighed.

 _Big siss... papa?_

"They're fine too." She murmured, holding him tighter, never wanting to let him go.

 _Fine too._ He echoed. _Come back._

"I can't sweetheart. I can't make it come back." He threatened to start crying more, burying his face in her collar. "I'm sorry." She whispered, voice breaking, "I'm so, so sorry."

 _Warm..._ His little hands grabbed fistfuls of her shirt.

"Hmm?" She whispered, brushing the hair on the top of his head.

 _Arms... hands... warm._

"I'm glad you think so." She sat down in the rocking chair, rocking them back and forth, wishing she could hold onto him for longer. The baby listened to his mother's hearts beat a steady rhythm, thinking of one of the stories the Doctor had told him. River was trying not to cry, stroking his back comfortingly.

 _Story._

"Not now, my love."

 _Why?_ This was accompanied by an audible pout.

"Let's go see Daddy." She whispered, carrying him out of the room. He didn't seem to mind this answer, babbling softly.

River brought her son to the sitting room, back to the Doctor. The movie had been turned off and the man was just sitting there in the blankets. He looked up at her with a weak smile.

"Your son wanted to see you." She murmured.

"I see." He patted the space next to him. "How is he?"

"Upset." She didn't sit.

"Oh. Does he want a hug or a song or something?" It was really all he could offer.

"He wants a story." She placed the baby in the Doctor's arms, going to sit in a different chair.

His stomach grew a bit of a cold not, thinking she was mad at him. "Alright, little man." He whispered. "What sort of story do you want to hear."

"Mummmmmm."

"About Mummy?" He thought for a moment. "How about the time she saved a whole spaceship full of people, hmm?"

"Nooooo." Arthur shook his head.

"What about when she lead a French revolution in the 46th century?"

He squirmed, signaling that that would be good. The Doctor began into the retelling of that, doing the best he could with the details since he was only telling what he'd heard from River and history books. River stayed quiet the whole time, just watching his feet.

When he finished, Arthur was starting to grow heavy-lidded. River had her eyes closed, leaning forwards, holding her head.

The Doctor quietly stood with their son, walking over to her. "Do you want to hold him again?"

"No, I'm fine." She whispered.

"You sure?"

She stood, seemingly pulling herself together, "Yes, Positive."

"I think the story put him back to sleep." He looked at Arthur.

"That's good." She rubbed her side absentmindedly. "I'm going to go out."

"Where?" He asked, a little surprised.

"I'm craving some of the bread we had when we took the girls to that medieval festival." She also thought getting out would be a good distraction from the deteriorating connection to her son.

"Oh, you're not going to the same place, are you? That king was absolutely dreadful. He'll be all over you if he knows you're there."

"Well, it's a good thing I'm good at hiding." She smiled, "Unless you want to come with me."

"We can't leave the kids alone." He reminded though he'd have loved to go with her.

"We could get a sitter." She murmured, "Jack will be more than happy to, I'm sure. He hasn't seen the girls in a while." She whispered. Usually, when she was having cravings, she didn't let things like this go.

"That's a good idea. Shall I get him on the phone?"

"I can do it." She smiled, grabbing the phone and calling up Torchwood.

The conversation was quick and soon enough, Jack was at their door with Toby jumping at his legs. River was changed in a purple medieval gown when he came to their door, "Hello, there."

"Why does it always take so long for you to ring me up? You're not as linear as you think you are." He teased, pulling her for a hug.

She laughed, hugging him tightly, "Why don't you ever ring me?" She teased, "The girls have been asking when they'll see you again."

"I bet they have. Which one is this?" He gestured to her belly.

"Terra." She murmured, "The Doctor is putting Arthur down now."

"And this is why you call ahead. Terra was learning to walk last time you were here. I guess now isn't the best time to ask if I can get her roller skates." Toby barked and Jack knelt down to pet the dog.

River tensed at the mention of her unborn daughter, "Well, I'll get the girls for you then." She went to get the girls, giving them and the sleeping baby all kisses when they were finally ready to go.

"Mummy, can't we come?" Freya asked.

"Not this time, my love. It's special Mummy Daddy time. I promise if you want, we can go back another day."

She accepted this answer. "I'm gonna play fairy princess with Uncle Jack."

"That sounds wonderful, sweetie." She gave her a hug, "I'll see you soon, have fun and be good." River waved goodbye, going back inside the TARDIS.

The Doctor and River piloted to the kingdom they'd gone to with the girls for their last birthday.

"Don't you think you should wear a perception filter?"

"Why do you think I should do that?" River asked, crossing her arms.

"Just a suggestion, you don't have to. We're a year or two after we last came here." He amended.

"Well, then I'd rather not." She didn't say anything more, stepping outside the doors. He followed her from the TARDIS.

They'd landed very close to town, this time, most of the people not paying much mind to them, much to the Doctor's surprise.

"Oh, it's a bit chilly." River murmured, shivering, "Would you be a dear and fetch a shawl for me?"

"Here, just take my jacket. I'm not really cold at all." He dropped his coat over her shoulders.

She sighed, "Right, thank you."

"Let's find that bread for you, yeah?" He took her hand.

She nodded, "Right, the bread." She walked with him, hoping nobody would recognize her, and especially not the Doctor.

Unfortunately, many of the townspeople tipped their hats or bowed their heads to River. The Doctor, however, didn't find this very unusual. "Look, they remember us."

"Oh, how lovely," River smiled, regretting inviting him along in the first place. "Now, I can't remember exactly where that bread vendor was. Perhaps I should look this way, and you can look that way?" She asked, pointing in opposite directions.

"There's no rush." He pointed out. "We've got time to stroll."

"Oh, but I'm so hungry, Doctor, sweetie, please." She insisted, "We can stroll after we've found the bread."

He confided. "Okay, meet me here after, alright? If it takes more than an hour I'll find you."

She nodded, "Of course, I'll see you soon." She quickly headed off in the opposite direction.

One of the villagers soon came up to River, bowing. "Your majesty, the king has requested to you him immediately."

"Oh, wonderful. How I've missed him terribly." She smiled, "Take me to him." River was lead to the castle, the Doctor obliviously looking for a bread vendor who had stopped selling a year ago.


	33. The Husbands of River Song

**Ch 33**

"Where is my King whom I've missed so terribly?" River called as she was brought into the throne room, slipping on the emerald encrusted wedding band that had been given to her by his majesty.

"Here, my dear queen." The King sat on his throne, everything about him radiating with arrogance and a hint of stupidity, not much of a change since the last time.

She smiled, walking to him with arms outstretched, "You look even more handsome than I remember. I cannot begin to tell how much it made my heart ache to be without you for so long."

He seemed to inflate a little. "I was expecting your return as of yesterday. This place is cold without your presence."

"I'm so sorry, my darling. We ran into bandits on the return, it was only when one of the footmen sacrificed himself for me that we managed to escape." She reached his side, sitting on his lap and kissing him deeply.

He looked only relatively sympathetic to her story, though instantly and rather disgustingly puckered up for her. "Had I been with you, no bandits would have dared come near."

Had she gotten the chance, she would have cringed so kiss such a man, "Oh, I'm sure, your looks alone could scare off any man." She purred, resting her hand on his arm.

He put his uninvited hands on River's belly. "Our son, how is my heir?"

She smiled, trying not to look at the state of his hands, placing her own over his to hide the sight, "Getting stronger every day, just like his father."

"I expect nothing less." He grabbed her face and non-verbally demanded another kiss. She was used to him doing this by now, though it still took some restraint not to react negatively. She gave him another deep kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Just then, a pager boy ran up to them, coughing quietly to make his presence known. The King pulled away and glared, taking this action as a rude interruption. River didn't move from her perch on the man's lap, glancing at the boy. "What?" The King demanded.

"Uh, s-sorry sir, your majesty, sir. The man you said to alert you of has been spotted in the marketplace."

"What is he talking about, my love?" River murmured, nipping his ear, trying to get his attention back to her.

"That king you used to belong to." He somewhat spat, clearly not fond him. "I just knew he'd try to get you back. Bring him to me." That last part was directed to the page.

River swallowed, "Oh...Does he have to come in here? I don't want to see that horrid man, I want to spend time with you." She rubbed his chest, "If we ignore him, he'll probably go away."

"He should have gotten my message that if he were to ever set foot in my kingdom that there would be consequences, he must pay the price. And," He added smugly. "I've been waiting for an opportunity to show him that I _always_ get what I want."

She didn't want the Doctor destroying her plans, so she quickly resorted to the one thing the King always agreed to, "My darling, I've been away for so long, I _need_ you to satisfy me." She purred against the shell of his ear, " _Please_ , I can't wait another moment or I'll simply die. Besides, wouldn't it be so satisfying to deal with my former husband after you've had your way with me?" She trailed her hand down to his thigh, hoping to buy some time to come up with an alternate plan.

He let out a throaty chuckle, though outside of his head, it sounded pathetic. He stood, grabbing her wrist and dragging her off to their chambers, though the pager boy was already off to find the Doctor.

River let out a breath of relief, following behind her "husband", as he pulled her to their chambers. "My lord..." She started as she was shoved up against the door once inside. He grinned devilishly, snogging her sloppily. He was under the impression that he was rather good at this, though all of his so call 'nights of passion' with River, had been hallucinations given via a certain someone's lipstick. He didn't have to know that, though.

She was quick to apply her lipstick and snog him, hoping to get him to cancel his attack on the Doctor under her influence. "Darling..." She tried again, guiding his head down to her neck so she could actually speak to him.

He sucked roughly at her skin. "The bed is always so cold without you."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm sure it is my love."

"Sweetie pie," He slurred, her drug working fast, "Why did you ever marry that other man. His face is stupid."

"I don't know what I ever saw in him." She breathed, "I'm surprised you even remember what he looks like."

"Don't think about him while I'm satisfying you. Only think about me." He said boastfully.

"Of course, my lord." She smiled, "Where do you want to take me this time."

"Here. Now. Bend over."

"Oh, but you've hardly even touched me." She breathed, "I want to feel your hands all over me." She added a moan to the end of the statement, knowing the more she buttered him up, the better chance she'd have of getting him to call off his confrontation with the Doctor (even with hallucinations on her side).

His hands landed greedily on her shoulders, clearly thinking he was touching somewhere lower. "Anything for you, my queen."

She gave him several fake moans of pleasure, though they grew a bit more real as his hands eventually found their way down to her breasts. She had to admit, as much as the man disgusted her, she did enjoy getting _some_ pleasure out of the act. "My love, I don't know how I could possibly have gone so long without your touch." She moaned.

"I'm sure your dreams of me held much reality." He pinched.

"And how badly did you miss me?" She purred, sucking in a breath when he pinched her, which he would probably pass off as a sound of pleasure.

"As the prisoner misses the sun." He declared.

"Truly?" She pulled him closer to her, "And how badly do you want me?"

"Like a dragon wants gold." He breathed.

"And what exactly are you going to do to me now that you have me again?" She purred, the words sultry and smooth, though this was important as he was known to request her to speak about her favorite parts of their escapade, so she needed to know what he was seeing in his hallucination.

He described a very vivid and rough experience to her. He probably thought he was being sexy, but he sounded rather like a horny teenager who didn't know how to talk dirty.

"Oh, my. How, utterly delightful." She smiled, though her voice was tinged with disgust. She added another layer of lipstick, hauling him against her lips.

He was instantly out of it and much more delirious than before, stumbling back and flopping on the bed. River rolled her eyes, wiping the remainder of the lipstick off before going to sit by the vanity to fix her hair. Knowing he'd be out for at least ten minutes, she had some time before she had to undress him, and herself, to make it look like they had actually committed the deed he would have imagined.

"You're almost tolerable when you're unconscious." She muttered, getting up after a few minutes and starting to undress him, throwing his clothes about the room. Before she could start with her own clothes, there was a knock on the door.

River faked a few loud, high pitched moans, "Oh, darling! More, there, please!" She cried, not bothering to go to the door. Usually, when there were knocks like this, she could scare off whatever servant was outside the door by pretending they were occupied.

The knocking didn't stop this time. "Um, very sorry my lords! So sorry, but there is urgent business!"

River quickly threw off her clothes, slipping under the blankets in case the servant decided to open the door. "If you don't leave now, the King will have your head, no matter how urgent the business!" She snapped.

"The man he requested is here, ma'am, your highness, ma'am. His head is at a higher risk than mine, and if the King no longer wishes to confront him, he'll be hanged ahead of schedule." The boy persisted, though his tone was obviously intimidated.

River swallowed, trying to think quickly. Grabbing one of the sheets and wrapping it around herself, she went to the door, ruffling her hair a bit before opening the door just a crack, blocking the servants view of the bed. "The King no longer has any interest in meeting with the man." She dropped her voice lower, "I, however, _do_ wish to confront him. Please, take him to the west wing sitting room. Don't speak of this to anyone, my husband will be ever so cross if he finds out, though he's more likely to take your head off than mine. Now, take him through the servants passages and lock him in the sitting room. Confiscate anything on his person, no matter how stupid and useless it looks."

He nodded, looking quite serious. "Where shall I put the confiscated items?"

"Hide them in the servants quarters, I'll retrieve them later." She shut the door after that. The boy ran off to the throne room where the Doctor was chewing at the rope around his wrists.

River returned to fixing up the room, grabbing water from the wash bin and flicking it on herself and the man to falsify sweat. Making sure her hair was in disarray, she crept back into bed, positioning his arms around her, and closing her eyes, waiting for him to wake.

When he woke, he made some sort of noise that was supposed to be a purr but sounded more like he had congestion. "Satisfied, love?"

"Of course, my king. You always satisfy me." She smiled, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I do love our reunions." He hummed, hand reaching down to squeeze her bum.

"As do I." She rolled so she was on top of him, straddling his waist. "Now, I do have a request to ask of you." She murmured against his lips as she leaned in to kiss him once more.

"Within reason." He murmured.

"I was hoping you'd cancel your meeting with the man I used to call my husband." She murmured, rolled her hips against him in hopes of softening the request.

He frowned. "Why would I do that?"

"I have no desire to see him ever again. It would upset me greatly to see you getting so worked up over a man who doesn't deserve our time. And you know that worrying isn't good for me in my fragile condition." She batted her eyes at him, looking as helpless as she could manage without wanting to vomit.

"That is why my intention is to rid the land of him, my queen. Clearly, he has come here to claim you back and I _must_ punish him for it."

"Oh, my sweet, I beg you not to do this. As much as I hate the man, think of all of the trouble that will come with killing him. My daughters will have to come and live with us, and I know you don't like them very much. And we'll be responsible for marrying them off to wealthy suitors when they're older, which will take away some prospects from our own child, should it turn out being a girl." She tried again, bringing his hand to her belly, "You wouldn't want that for our princess, now would you?"

He looked like he was giving this some more thought, which for him was a challenge. "I do not wish that inconvenience on us, though I'm certain you will bear us a son. I will order my men to simply force him to go back to his own land."

"Oh, thank you, darling." She kissed him once more. "And if it's a son you desire than a son I shall give you, though it does trouble me that he will only be second in line to inherit the throne, after your first son." She was testing him now, seeing if he was in a good enough mood for her to ask about her real goal.

He scoffed. "That boy is a disappointment. When our son comes of age, Henry will likely be getting slaughtered in travels."

"Is that a prediction or a guarantee?" She raised an eyebrow, tracing circles on her abdomen.

"More of a prediction, but I decide who the throne goes to next." He pointed out.

"Well, it would please me greatly if you were to make our son the heir to the throne." She murmured, giving him a smile. "Which reminds me, I believe, before I left for my last trip, I was promised something." He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to elaborate. "You promised me a crown with an emerald center stone." She murmured, "Remember? A crown for your lovely queen?"

This was what she was truly after, the crown. It had been around longer than anyone could remember, and was perhaps one of the most valuable artifacts in the medieval century, though no one at the time knew it. She knew the King had somehow come into possession of it, though it wasn't exactly clear how. She had seen it once, confirming that he did, in fact, have it, though, despite his promises to give it to her, he had been withholding it for the past few months.

"Yes, but that head of yours is plenty pretty without a crown." He toyed with one of her curls. "And I've decided to wait until our son is born. It shall be a reward for your efforts."

She bit back a groan of frustration. This mission was taking much longer than she had originally intended back when she started it. "But darling..." She pouted.

"My love, you have no need for a crown. All in this land know you belong to me and it is an artifact meant for viewing and not wearing."

"Of course, it's meant for wearing, they wouldn't have made it into a crown if it wasn't." She huffed, standing up and taking the sheet with her.

He was left on the bed, cold and bare. "You're just overreacting because you're a woman. I have more gold than that crown is worth. I can get you ten times the about of jewelry."

"I don't want ten times the amount of jewelry, I want that crown." She hissed, gathering her clothes, "You don't care about me, that's why you don't want me to have it. After I'm going through all this discomfort carrying your son. Your people don't respect me, the servants don't listen to me and nobody will think of me as queen until you put a crown on my head!"

"I have offered you many golden crowns but you will not settle!" He countered, frustrated as well.

"Because I want _that_ crown! I don't understand why you won't give me what I desire when I have given you everything you've asked!" She fired back.

"It was a gift for my last wife!" He finally growled. "You will learn to hold your tongue before making such accusations of me! That crown was a gift for her but her death came untimely when bearing our son. You have proven prettier than her but not more useful and you are in no place to think you can demand such items without earning your keep of them!"

She swallowed the statement silencing her. In all the time she had spent with the man, she had never known him to be sentimental, and though he still was a horrible, misogynistic brute, she felt a pang of pity for him. She gathered the last of her clothes, "I'm sorry." She whispered though the apology was for the loss of his wife, not her behavior.

"Leave and do not return until I send for you." He crossed his arms, refusing to look at her.

She slipped her clothes, on. "I'm going to go see the midwife if you need me." She murmured, pausing at the door. He muttered something probably quite rude under his breath, nose in the air like a pouting child. "I'm sorry, darling." She repeated, hoping she hadn't just destroyed what she had been working towards for months now. She didn't wait for an answer, this time, exiting the room.


	34. Easiest of Lies

**Ch 34**

The page boy had been waiting anxiously down the hall for River, puffing up his chest when she finally approached.

"Did you do as I asked?" River asked quietly.

He nodded. "The man is talking nonsense and keeps asking for you."

She sighed, "I'll see to it that he's put in his place. Tell no one of this, and I'll give you a handsome reward for your troubles." She smiled, "If anyone asks, I went to the village to see the midwife."

He nodded again and lead her to the servants quarters. She followed him, giving him a few gold coins as a reward once they arrived, the halls that they traveled through were empty. She opened the door to the room the Doctor had been locked in, relocking it behind her before turning around.

He was tied up in a chair, looking very miffed, but also pleased to see her. "River!"

She walked over to him, untying the bonds, "You need to go home, now."

"Wot? Why? River, can you please untie me and explain what's going on? People keep telling me I have no right to be here and that you're the queen." He said all in one breath.

"Doctor," She knelt down in front of him, touching his cheek. "I may have told a bit of a lie and I'll gladly explain it when you're out of danger. Now please, before you get us both killed, go back to the TARDIS."

"River I'm not leaving y-" He stopped, face falling. "Are those... what's on your neck." There was obviously a lot more hurt in his tone now.

"Please..." She murmured, "I'll explain later, but I promise it's not what you think it is. Now I need you to leave before you get us both killed."

"Give me at least something, please." He searched her face, not giving in.

"I can't explain this without having to explain everything else." She whispered, "I just need you to trust me now, can you do that?"

"You have hickeys on your neck from someone else and people here who say you're married to someone. I'm going to need a little more than your word." He managed.

"Well, I didn't have sex with anyone if that's what you're implying. Explaining it now would only put me in danger, so if you'd rather be informed than have me be safe then I'll explain." She was trying to be gentle.

"I... I want to you be safe." He muttered. "You'd be safe if you left with me now. How do you intend to get out of here? "

"I can't leave now. I have to stay, and I'll have no trouble leaving if I do. It's you that I'm worried about. I should never have asked you to come with me." She kept her voice very very low so only he could hear, "Please, Doctor. Just this once, trust me and leave."

He stared us at her, thinking maybe she was being threatened. "If I was in danger, would you leave me if I asked it of you?"

"Only if my presence was the thing putting you in danger."

He finally gave a small, sad nod. "They took my things."

"I'll get them back for you and bring them with me when I come home." She whispered, kissing him softly, "I love you." She pulled her vortex manipulator out of the folds of her skirt. "Use this and go back to the flat."

She went to the door, making sure the coast was clear as the VM wasn't very quiet. Luckily the halls were clear and she gave him the signal that he could go. "I'll be back before dinner, promise." She blew him a kiss, and left the room, not wanting to risk getting caught a moment longer.

In the halls, the pager boy ran into her again, though it wasn't by accident. "Your majesty, the King is searching for you. You must run to the town before he knows you're still here."

"Oh, thank you!" River breathed, fastening her pace.

Running into the village, she slipped into the midwife's home as discreetly as possible. The midwife had made an agreement long ago with River; she always went along with her schemes even if she didn't know what they were about.

Currently, the midwife was stalling several guards and the King at the door. River slipped through the back door, fixing herself as she listened to the midwife thank the King yet again for the honor of being the royal midwife.

Getting ready to put on another act, River grabbed a handkerchief off the table, dabbing at her eyes as she stood for the King when he finally barged in. "Oh! Your highness." River curtsied, "I wasn't expecting you to come so soon."

He looked her up and down. "Is there any new about the heir?"

"He's in perfect health according to our lovely midwife." She added a sniffle to the end of her statement, dabbing at her eyes again and giving him a sad smile.

"Why are you so tearful, wife. That is good news." He frowned.

She shook her head, "Of course it is. I'm very pleased. My tears have nothing to do with our child, and you shouldn't trouble yourself with them."

"I will trouble myself with what I want. Explain yourself." He insisted.

"I simply feel horrible for making you so cross with me. All I want is to be a good wife for you. I often fear that I don't deserve you." She turned her face away from him, trying to imitate crying.

He pondered over this a bit, The King was not easily forgiving, but he did often soak up any groveling and River's tears, in particular, seemed to hit some sort of soft spot. "You had much too much freedom in your previous marriage, you are still adjusting to a proper and more civilized place." He seemed to think this counted as accepting her apology.

"I do hope this won't change how you feel about me." She looked up at him, eyes sparkling with tears she'd forced.

"No," He shook his head. "You've clearly seen your wrongs. And what man and wife don't have a row now and then?"

"Oh, thank you, darling." She murmured, kissed his hand, kneeling for him.

He chest puffed up for a moment before he realized and shook his head. "Do not kneel, wife. That is for the people to do."

"Of course darling."

She was about to stand when a kick from Terra sent her back to her knees. Her hand flew to her belly in surprise. Both the King and the midwife looked worried, the latter going to River's side. "I'm alright." She murmured, though accepted the help up.

"Is there a problem?" The King demanded as the midwife made River sit down.

"No, darling. I'm fine." River tried to assure, glancing at the midwife.

"Sir, I recommend you return to the castle. I was not finished with my examination."

River stretched her hand out to her husband, "I'll see you soon."

He squeezed her hand looking over the two with concern before leaving.

They waited and watched the door shut. "You don't have to do this." River told the midwife.

"It won't be your head if something happens to the little one." The midwife had never actually examined her before, and River was a bit nervous about it.

She started feeling along the swell of River's middle, fingers gently prodding. "Have you been feeling anything unusual?"

"Not at all." She murmured.

"She's pressing into your ribs, I'd suspect at least some discomfort." The midwife said in the same tone. "Is that why you stumbled?"

"Why do you say she?" River asked, looking at the woman.

"You're carrying low. I've helped enough women through this to have a sense of what's what. I doubt you'll be wanting to let your husband know that, however."

"I'd rather that stay between us." She murmured, wincing when Terra moved higher up. Terra seemed to be trying to avoid the hand of the midwife, sharing River's distrust.

"Are we almost done?" River asked, worried that the woman was going to try and listen to her heartbeats.

"She's rather big for how far you are." The midwife frowned, though was judging by human gestation which was longer and produced smaller babies.

"Well, she's healthy."

"I'm worried it could cause problems with the birth."

River shook her head. "Well, you can't stop her from growing."

"I'm afraid not, I'm just knowing what to prepare for."

"Are we finished now?"

"Are you in a rush?" She countered.

"No." She shifted.

The midwife sighed and got up, going over to her medicine box. "You shouldn't travel so much in your condition."

"I have daughters in another kingdom that I have to visit."

"Send a page boy and let them know you can't make it until after this one is born." She insisted.

Terra settled lower now that she wasn't being poked anymore.

"I'm not due for several months yet, surely I can make a few more trips."

"If you must, I cannot recommend more than one."

River huffed, "Fine. Now are we quite through?" She was very anxious to go.

"I'd rather have a listen to the heartbeat, but if you're so insistent..."

"Yes, I quite like to go-ah!" River tried to stand but immediately sat back down.

The midwife went quickly over to her. "Your majesty?"

"I'm fine." She insisted.

"No, tell me."

"I want my husband," River whispered, closing her eyes.

"He's not allowed in here while I'm doing examinations."

"He's the king, he can be wherever he bloody pleases." She snapped.

The midwife shrank a little. "Shall I send for him?"

"Yes, you'd better do that." She hissed.

She quickly retreated from the house, off to go get the King.

River leaned back, relaxing and trying to formulate a plan. She had faked the pain, of course, to buy herself time. She needed to get the crown, and she wasn't going to give up and abandon her mission.

Terra kicked lightly against River's spine. _Mum!_

 _What is it, dear?_ River sighed, rubbing her back in discomfort.

 _Pretty._ She hummed, relaying an image of the crown which River had unknowingly shared with Terra.

River smiled, _Yes, it is._ Another moment of thought went by when an idea dawned on her. _Can you help Mummy with something?_

 _Help!_ Terra echoed excitedly, thinking this would mean bonding and hopefully winning over more of her mum's affection.

River put a hand to her side, happy her daughter was so willing. _I need you to do lots of kicking and wiggling for as long as you can when I say go. Can you do that for me?_

She hesitated, fearing she might hurt River.

 _It's alright, if it's too much for me, I'll ask you to stop_.

Her hesitation eased into a confirmation, agreeing to go along with her instructions.

 _Thank you, my love._

Terra started practicing a little, experimenting in which directions she could stretch while they waited for the midwife and King to return. As soon as River heard the midwife opening the door, she gave Terra the signal to go.

The King rushed to River's side and Terra started kicking quite hard, determined to do a good job. River immediately grabbed his hand, the pain that spread across her face much more real than if she hadn't asked for her daughter's help.

"Midwife, I demand you to tell me what is wrong!" The King practically shouted.

"Darling, please don't shout." River flinched, as the midwife jumped and ran to River's side to finish the examination.

"The babe is restless and her belly is tight. I fear her time will come too early."

"I want to go home." River whispered, turning to the King, tensing at once of Terra's most recent movements, "I want to go back to the castle."

"My love, my queen. You must allow this woman to help you or you and our son will be in peril." It was the most concern the King had shown in the duration of River's scheme.

She squeezed his hands, "Alright, but I want to know what she's going to do."

"There are some medications that might help, but I can't guarantee anything."

Terra delivered a firm blow towards River's pelvis. River gasped, clutching the spot where the baby had kicked, "I don't want possibilities, I want guarantees!" River groaned, "My love, I need a moment alone to speak with you."

The midwife took her medicine box into the other room, not wanting to be yelled at again.

"I want another midwife." River whispered once the other woman was gone, "I want someone who actually knows what she's doing."

"She is the best midwife in the land." He frowned.

"But she doesn't know how to help me. She has expressed judgment on our son's size and hasn't even bothered to listen to his heart beat yet. I have remained in correspondence with my previous midwife, Clara, whom you have met, and I happened to know that she has left my former kingdom and is staying in a port no more than an hours ride from here in search of work. She was very knowledge when it came to dealing complications with my twins, and I know she will know what to do now."

"Your pain worries me greatly. Is there time to fetch her and return before it is too late?" He placed his hand over River belly and Terra kicked at him, not liking his unfamiliarity.

"I believe so." She placed her hand over his, "But I must request that you fetch her. You're riding skills are better than anyone else and I know you will get her to me swiftly."

"Of course my love. Anything to keep you safe."

She kissed him deeply, "Bring me back to the castle first?" She asked softly.

"Can you walk?" He asked.

"I think s-ah!" She winced as Terra gave her another whack.

 _Getting tired._

"Are you sure?" He wasn't convinced.

She shook her head. _Rest now, my sweet. Mummy's very proud of you_.

Terra settled, bubbling at River's pride for her.

"I don't think I can walk."

"Then you must give me the information about the woman you need and remain here."

"No, I refuse to stay here another moment." River needed to get back to the castle in order to contact Clara and actually get her to the town she was supposedly in.

"You informed me you couldn't walk." He reminded.

"Then you need to call one of the guards to carry me back. You cannot leave your queen in the place of common people when she is in such discomfort."

He got up quickly and fetched the guard outside who had accompanied him here. They came back in a few moments later, the guard scooping River up with strangely familiar ease.


	35. In Shining Armor

**Ch 35**

The three marched back to the castle, leaving the midwife without explanation.

The King walked with all his arrogance and the armored guard, surprisingly, was making an effort to not bump River around too much (that is if one was paying attention to his tenderness).

River was relatively relaxed now that Terra had quieted down.

They burst into the castle and River was rushed to her bedroom and made to lie there while the King barked orders about protecting her.

"My love," River lay back on the pillows, "You must go now."

"Tell me where and I shall fly."

"Glastinaine is the name of the port where Clara is staying." She murmured, as servants fluttered about around them, closing the curtains, adding more pillows and blankets to the bed, and removing River's shoes.

In the chaos of people, she spotted the guard again, getting temporarily distracted as she remembered his gentleness with her, a rarity in this kingdom where all the guards she had come across were rough, much like her 'husband.'

Quickly drawn back to reality, she finished her explanation, "Clara is young, with brown hair. I'm sure you'll recognize her when you see her. I have confidence in my king." She squeezed his hand.

The King urgently kissed her, a very bruising kiss with teeth, and pulled away to look at her sternly. One would have to be looking carefully to notice the armored guard look away in what some could consider a cringe. "I will ride with godspeed. I will return soon, my love."

"Every second I am without you will be a stab to my heart." She murmured, pressing a final kiss to his knuckles, "I anxiously await your return."

He quickly left, barking something about getting the horses ready. The servants still bustled, wiping wet rags across River's forehead, and preparing hot towels as if she were actually about to have the baby.

"I would appreciate it greatly if I could be left alone for a bit. I need rest." She told them all.

The servants looked among themselves, clearly hesitant. "With all respect, your highness, the King will have our heads if we do not attend you. He wishes for your and the heir's safety."

"While that may be true, he'll also be furious if he returns and finds me exhausted from you all not letting me sleep." She snapped.

The servants quickly fled, not wanting to face her temper. The guard, however, stayed.

"I suggest if you want to keep your job, you should leave as well." She hissed at him.

The guard look at her, looked at the closed door, and took a step or two towards her. "I don't actually have much of a job here."

River immediately scrambled back, "What are you talking about? What are you doing?"

"Oi, calm down River. Honestly, do you really think I'm going to do something?" The guard stopped and took off his helmet revealing a familiar big chinned face.

"Oh, thank god." She visibly relaxed before shooting him a stern look, "I thought I sent you home."

"You told me to hide my presences. No one asks a guard to lift his helmet." He countered.

"I gave you my vortex manipulator because I wanted you to actually use it, not just carry it around." She sighed, rubbing her temples, "Well, now that you're here, I need your help."

He held in an 'I told you so', instead nodding. "Is it about Clara?"

"Yes, I need you to bring her to Glastinaine in time for the King to find her." She murmured, hesitating before continuing, "And then I might need you to get Arthur."

"Why do you need him, should I explain to her you need her to pretend to be a midwife, and when are you going to explain anything to _me_?" He asked all at once.

She sighed, "If you bring the TARDIS here, I'll explain everything once we're both on board."

"Clara, Arthur, TARDIS." He listed, obviously not liking any of this. He pulled out the vortex manipulator, typing in the coordinates. "Don't snog anyone else while I'm gone."

"TARDIS first, then Clara, then Arthur." She repeated, wanting to make sure he got the order right.

He frowned, reset the coordinates, then paused and looked up at her. "You _were_ faking those pains, weren't you?"

"Go!" She hissed, "Actions first questions later. Honestly, this is why I don't invite you along ever."

"I thought we were going out for bread. Sorry for being concerned." He bit back, disappearing with a static sizzle left in the air.

She sighed, feeling bad for snapping, but she needed this done.

Less than ten minutes went by before the blue box materialized silently in the corner and a still armored Doctor stepped out with a sleepy Arthur on his hip.

River lit up when she saw her son, getting up and running to take him.

"Mummm." The boy mumbled, not really sure of what was happening, but easily accepting to her embrace.

"Clara's in the town and in on the scheme. Questions yet?"

"Only if you can prevent anyone from overhearing us or walking in on our conversation." She murmured, nuzzling the baby's cheek.

He huffed, not able to guarantee that. "Just tell me about Arthur and you didn't answer my question from before."

She sighed, glancing towards the door, and then pushing him inside the TARDIS, running to the console and piloting them away from the kingdom.

"River." The Doctor protested. "Just talk to me, will you?"

She poked her head out of the TARDIS doors, making sure they really had left before finally turning, "I'd appreciate it if you stopped shouting the word scheme at me in the castle." She muttered, "You're going to ruin everything I've been working for in two bloody seconds if you keep doing that."

"Language." He gestured towards their son who was getting to be more awake now.

"I'm trying to get a crown. A very, _very_ important crown that is going to get melted down and change history if I don't get it, but I almost have it. All I need to do is pretend to have the baby and the King will give it to me." She murmured, squeezing Arthur lightly, "We need to wrap him in a perception filter to make him look younger, or better yet, a psychic blanket so the King will see what he's expecting to see."

"So Clara's going to come and help you 'deliver' a baby for a crown. You'll need a filter too so you don't look pregnant anymore." He was clearly still not approving of any of this. "Why does he think the baby's his?"

"Because I told him she was." River smiled at Arthur, giving him kisses all over his cheeks. "And Terra has been quite brilliant in all of this too." She added.

He scrubbed a hand down his face, missing that last bit. "River, I know all this is important to you and it's all some crazy plot, but there is an image in my head of you kissing another man and I'm in no way comforted by the fact that it's part of the trick."

She stared at him for a moment, then started to laugh, "You're kidding, right?"

He stood shocked, "No, I'm not kidding, River! You didn't tell be about any of this and I'm sure it's gone on long before this afternoon. I find you trying to get rid of me and then all of a sudden you're calling someone else your husband..." He stopped, looking at the ground.

She was growing angrier, "You are such a hypocrite!" She snapped at him, "How many times have you hidden things from me? How many times have you married and kissed other women? Would you like me to name a few in case you've forgotten? I'm sorry I don't want to sit at home and play housewife for you all the time." She growled.

"I never expected you to!" He defended. "And any woman I've married in my life was _before_ I married you, not after! I'm sorry for having the audacity to express concern when my wife waltzes me into her scheme involving a separate marriage!"

Arthur started to whimper.

"That is not true!" She shouted at him, "And you haven't even bothered to see if he and I are actually married!" She threw her hallucinogenic lipstick at him. He winced when the lipstick hit his head. "I don't understand why when you want to go off on an adventure, anything goes, but as soon as I do it you've got a list of problems!"

She handed Arthur off to him, piloting them back to their flat. "Get out. I don't need your help."

He fumbled when Arthur was thrust at him. "You said you needed Arthur." He bit, avoiding her glare.

"I'll do it without him, just get out!" She hadn't been this angry with him in a very long time. The Doctor hugged the whimpering tot close and flinched at her tone, doing as she said and stalking out back to the flat.

She slammed the door as hard as she could behind him, turning with her back pressed to the doors. Arthur was crying on the other side, picking up on his parent's distress and not liking the loud noises.

River regretfully moved away from the doors, slowly setting the coordinates, so she would land in the closet of her chambers, tears blurring her vision.

Terra nudged softly. _Why sad? I do it wrong?_

 _Not at all, my dear._ She thought back to her. _You were wonderful._ She clocked the TARDIS, glancing at the door one more time, ready to take off.

"Maaaaauuuuuuummaaaaaaaaaa!" Arthur cried, the sound loud enough to carry to her. River sighed, walking towards the door, opening it with her hands on her hips.

The Doctor sat on the couch, lips pressed together, and trying to calm Arthur. The boy's face was red and tears flowed freely down his cheeks. She wordlessly walked over to them, snatching Arthur out of his arms and trying to comfort him, immediately turning her back to the Doctor.

Arthur clung to her and buried his face against her dress. The Doctor said nothing, though he quite wanted to.

"Hush, my love, hush now." She murmured, rubbing his back soothingly. "Mummy loves you."

 _With you! Stay._ He quieted into loud, hiccup-y whimpers.

"I can't stay." She whispered, nuzzling his cheek, "I have to go, but I'll come back." She didn't say soon as she always did. After the fight she and the Doctor had just had, she didn't exactly want to be with him anytime soon.

 _Come! I come!_ He whined, his grip on her dress not faltering.

"As much as I would like you to come, you can't." She sighed, pressed a kiss to his temple, "I don't have anyone to look after you."

 _You!_

"I can't, I'm sorry." She hugged him tightly, "I wish you could come, but I can't watch you."

 _Whhhhhhhyyy?_ He started to panic.

"Because I have other things to do." She sighed, "How about I come back for you in a bit, yeah? Would you like that?"

"Noo!" _Stay!_ He squirmed.

"I can't." She was growing impatient, "Here, take him." She put him back in the Doctor's arms, going back to the TARDIS.

"We'll be at Jack's." He managed over Arthur's pleas of "Muuumma!"

"I don't really care where _you'll_ be." She shot back at him, going back inside the ship.

The TARDIS took off without waiting for River to give the command. River fell in surprise, banging her side in the process.

Terra kicked out in surprise. _What's that?_

River groaned, touching her side, _Mummy fell._ She breathed, slowly standing up and peeking out of the TARDIS doors, stepping out and going back to the bed.

There were sounds of scurrying servants outside and Clara's voice in the hall.

 _Mummy hurt?_

 _A bit…_ She squeezed her eyes shut, holding the spot she landed on.

 _I help! How help?_

Clara burst into the chambers in a dramatic show, the King at her heels. River pressed her face into the pillows of the bed, clutching the blankets around her tightly.

Clara turned to the King. "I'm going to have to insist that you are not in the chambers while I work."

River looked up at them, "Don't worry, my darling, I'm in very capable hands now."

He hesitantly left and Clara quickly went over to the bed, putting down her bag of 'midwifery supplies.'


	36. Cue the Music

**Ch 36**

"Alright," Clara whispered, knowing the King was right outside the doors. "Fake midwife, check. What do you need me to do?"

River took a breath, trying to ignore the throbbing on her side, "There are bottles of water with red dye in the console room, I need you to get them and pour them on the sheets. The TARDIS is in the closet." She whispered.

Clara nodded and quickly went to fetch them.

River faked some groans as Clara spread the fake blood on the floor and the sheets around her legs once she returned.

"So, just to be clear, are we faking a stillbirth?" Clara asked, disposing of the now empty bottles.

"I'm not sure yet. You need to call him back in here, tell him I'm having the baby, but I want to see him. Don't give him any other updates besides that."

"Okay. Do you want me to flick some water on you or something for sweat? You're going for realistic, right?" Though not really knowing what this whole ordeal was about, Clara was having a bit of fun with the whole 'let's trick a King' thing.

"Oh, yes, good thinking." River nodded, glad to see Clara was so excited about it all.

Clara produced some water from her bag as well as a bit of makeup. "Mind if I make you look a bit more flushed and exhausted?"

"Go for it." River smiled weakly, letting her do whatever she wanted.

Clara delightedly got to work making the scene look right. "You could try holding your breath for a bit to help with the flush. It'll also make it easier to pant."

River nodded, thanking her, "You should fetch him now, we don't want to overdo it, we have to make me look worse over time."

Clara put the things away, standing and dusting herself off before putting on the correct expression to go confront the King. River started panting, making sure she was in a position so that he would see the "blood."

There was concerned murmuring outside and then a loud exclamation from the King before he burst in. "My love, you told me she was the best in the land!"

"She is, my darling, she is. But not even the best in the land can prevent some things from happening." River reached for his hand, crocodile tears flooding her eyes.

"Surely our son will die if he is born now, oh my love, how could I have not seen this coming?"

Clara stood at the end of the bed, watching River for cues.

"C-Clara stated that perhaps stress from our fight could have put me in this state." River glanced at Clara, inviting her to confirm before, touching his cheek, "And now that row might be in vain as I may never wear that crown now." She tensed, faking a contraction.

Clara tried to sound as medical professional as she could. "Yes, high stress from arguments have dangerous effec-"

"Oh, my beautiful queen!" The King interrupted. "This is all my doing! And over some silly piece of gold. I vow, my love, you will receive it as soon as I can give." He stroked her cheek, the touch probably the gentlest he'd been since he'd married her.

River leaned into his hand, "The sooner the better, my da-Augh!" She made to look like she was having another, worse contraction, to alarm him further.

He pulled her into his arms, holding her through the false pain. "I cannot bear to lose you, my queen. Please, can you promise your survival?"

She clung to him, knowing he loved to be treated as her hero, "I will try my best, my darling. And should our son not survive, I promise we will have another." She pressed her face into his neck, wetting it with her false tears.

"Your majesty, I must insist that you wait elsewhere while I tend to your wife." Clara urged.

River nuzzled his neck, then let him go, "Be brave, my lord."

Clara ushered him out and turned back to River. "Wow, you are really good with the whole 'pain' thing. I honestly thought some of that was real."

"Well, when you've had four kids, you know what to do." She smiled weakly at her, "You should send for hot towels in a bit."

"Gotcha. So, do you have more of a plan? Anyone fake dying today?" Clara sat on the edge of the bed and offered River a butterscotch from her bag.

She declined, thinking for a minute, "If he gives me the crown, then yes. If not, then no..."

"This crown you're after, it sounds like something he'll only give up once you're through with all this."

River hummed, "What do you suggest we do?" She was curious and so far, Clara had proved to be very good at this trickery.

"You don't actually have a baby prop or something, do you? I think he'll be much more willing to give you the crown as a reward if he actually gets what he wants. What about Arthur? Also, make a pained noise," she paused a moment. "Now."

River nodded, groaning in "pain", "We could certainly get Arthur. The only problem is if I have the baby, I risk losing my biggest bargaining chip for the crown."

"How?" Clara frowned, not quite following.

"Well the baby is the thing he wants the most at the moment, and so far, I've found it very beneficial to scare him into giving me the things I want. I was thinking, if I manage to scare him enough into thinking I'm going to die, he'll give me it."

Clara nodded, River's logic seeming fine. "But what happens after? Knock him out and run for it? Leave him with a plastic baby doll and an IOU? Isn't there supposed to be some sort of clean up?"

"Or I go on a diplomatic visit and get captured and killed on the way home." She had clearly planned this.

"And bring the 'baby' with you so he doesn't have anything. Oh, that is good! Evil, but really good."

"Why thank you." River smiled, "Now, which plan should we go with, having the baby, or stopping the labor. If we have the baby, we'll need Arthur. If we stop the labor, we can try to get the crown from him again, and if it fails, can stage a dramatic scene go into labor again, which will hopefully make him feel guilty enough to give me the crown." She groaned at the end of the sentence to fake another bout of pain.

Clara flinched, then tried to laugh it off. "Oh god, I thought that was real for a second. Um, baby. It's more solid and I think will get better results. Plus, all this scenery has to have a dramatic plot, don't you think?"

"Yes, I quite agree." She smiled.

"Problem, though, I can't fly the TARDIS and Arthur is a bit old for the part."

River sighed, "Alright, we need to find a way around that."

"Don't have you weird alien things to make him look like a preemie? Like what you use to hide your pregnancy sometimes." Clara suggested.

"Well, we have psychic blankets which work like psychic paper, we could use that." She suggested.

That sparked an idea. "Do you have the psychic paper with you? We could get a message to the Doctor so we don't have to use the TARDIS."

"No," River breathed, "I don't want him here. We're not exactly speaking at the moment."

Clara frowned but decided that it was probably best not to ask at the moment. They'd work it out, she assured herself, as they always did. "...Okay, maybe someone else can pick Arthur up? No, hang on, can the psychic blanket make the King see a baby without there actually being a baby in there?"

"It's possible, but I'd rather at least have a doll there so it'll be easier for us to keep track."

"Can the TARDIS make something? Like, a little robot that looks like a baby? Wait is that too silly?"

River smiled, "Yes, I think that's a bit out there for the TARDIS."

"Okay, regular baby doll then. I can go grab that. Also, where do you keep the psychic blankets?" She was getting excited again.

"Don't worry, the TARDIS will show you."

Clara nodded. "Back in a tic. Make some more noise."

River's groans grew louder, but she flashed Clara a smile to assure they weren't real. The younger woman quickly headed into the TARDIS. River waited for her return, gasping and groaning as she did.

Clara came back with the blanket wrapped up. "I used one of the twin's old toys if that's alright. Also, I got a perception filter for after."

River smiled, "That's perfect, thank you."

"Right so," She sat back on the edge of the bed. "now it's all a matter of timing, right?"

River nodded, "We could call him in here again now, he'll be wanting an update anyway."

"Isn't it improper?" She pointed out.

"Does it look like he cares? Half the things he says to me are improper."

Clara gave a shrug of her shoulder as if to say, 'fair enough'. She hid the things from the TARDIS in her bag, "How about the whole 'near death' thing, we doing that now?"

"We could try it." She nodded.

"More makeup!" Clara decided, clapping her hands as if this were a girly slumber party. She set to work making River look very pale from blood loss and even more exhausted than before. "Okay, put your legs up like you've been pushing."

"Yes, ma'am," River smiled, putting her legs up.

Clara arranged the sheet purposefully. She paused like she had an idea, then got the things from before back out of her bag and hid them under the sheet. "In case he insists on staying." She explained.

"Good thinking. I may have to invite you along more often." She winked.

"I can't say I'd mind that," Clara grinned. "Make sure you can get the filter on discretely. I'm going to get him, make some more dramatic sounds, throw in some words."

River nodded, doing just as Clara suggested.

The King was pacing very anxiously outside the door when Clara opened it. "Sir, her condition is very dire, I'm not sure she'll ma-" He pushed past her into the room.

River whimpered when he entered, her eyes half opened as she lay in the heap of blankets and pillows. She made it seem as though she could hardly lift her arm to take his hand.

"Oh, my River, my queen." He looked utterly distraught. "The Gods cannot take you from me now, oh please tell me this is not the end."

"My darling, Philip, if only I had been better for you." She groaned, putting a hand to her stomach, "If only I hadn't feared to be without your kingdom's acceptance-"

"None of it matters now. You will have all you desire, now and forever." He promised, stroking the side of her face.

River made her hands tremble as they reached to touch his face as well, "I'm afraid it may be too late. If I don't have that crown within the hour, I may never live to see it."

"I will inform you, sir," Clara tapped his shoulder. "That whatever last words or last _gifts_ you have for your wife, there may not be another time."

River cried out, clutching her stomach once more, fake terror flooding her eyes once more.

"My love, I do not wish to leave you, but if there is no other time..." He hesitated.

Clara nodded, "Yes, yes absolutely, there is no other time."

"I will return, please do not join the other side before I do." He begged River.

"I'll stay here just to see you again." She whispered.

"Hurry!" Clara rushed him.

The King ran out of the room, shouting at the servants to open the vaults to the crown jewels.

"Looks like we don't need my backup plan just yet. How long do you think he'll take?" Clara asked.

River shrugged, "If he's hurrying, twenty minutes at the most."

"Oh good. Gives me time." She got another butterscotch out and popped it in her mouth. River smiled, though she still played her part as they waited. Clara commented at one point that River could have been an actress.

When she heard the King rushing back, she positioned herself at the end of the bed.

"Scream."

River clutched the sheets of the bed, crying out like she was in agony.

The door burst open with the King storming back in and servants behind him, carrying something on a pillow.

River looked weakly back up at her husband, "My love..."

He gestured for the servants to bring over the pillow, the object on it the polished gold crown River had been after. "Oh, darling." River murmured, staring at the crown, "It's beautiful."

"Here." He placed it on her matted curls, kissing her forehead. "Let this be the anchor for your soul, a message to the Gods that you are too beautiful for death's hand to take you."

She smiled weakly up at him, looking exhausted though inside she was thrilled to finally have the crown in her possession. "You are so wise, so handsome, so brave and so strong. You are my true anchor, and the Gods must soon see that we are to perfect for one another to be torn apart."

"I shall not leave your side, I cannot bear to." He insisted.

"Don't you fear for what people may think of the impropriety of it?" She groaned, the noise reaching a near scream once more.

"The people need not have to know." He glared at the servants, ensuring none would spread the word of it.

River screamed again, clutching his hand as tightly as she could. He winced and the servants ran from the room.

"Your majesty King, if you will, there's something in my bag I need to help your wife," Clara said.

"What is it that you need?" He asked, glancing at her for a moment, before looking back at River.

"There's a small, thin black box if you would please." She was talking about her phone, but she knew the King would have no idea what it was.

The King immediately went in search of it, to worried to even question the object. Clara took the phone and hid it with the other things, making it look like she was doing something important. In reality, she was looking up sound effects for a baby crying. "Big push now, ma'am, hard as you can!"

River leaned forward, "pushing" and trembling with the effort. The King held her all the tighter, not actually familiar with any of what was going on. River groaned, falling limply against the man, clutching his arm.

They made a big show of it for the next little while, making it King think he was witnessing the birth of his heir. Clara sometimes would mutter something worrying like 'she's losing too much blood' or 'stay awake, River' to add to the terror effect. She felt a little bad for how pale the King was looking, but she also prided herself on that as it assured they looked very convincing.

"Last push, now, your majesty." Clara wondered if River would pull anything for their grand finale.

"My love..." River murmured, turning her head against the King's chest, "I don't know if I have the strength to continue."

"You must." He squeezed her hand. "My love, you must find the strength in you to bear our son."

Terra gave a low kick. River held his hand tighter, "I cannot bear to leave you. If only I had your strength."

"You have more strength in you than any woman in this land, I'm certain of it." His hand was aching at this point, but he endured it thinking River was enduring much more.

"If you have that much faith in me, then your words must be true." She murmured, pulling him in for a kiss.

Terra kicked agitatedly against the weight of the King, knowing it wasn't the Doctor. River ignored her daughter, finally breaking the kiss and pretending to finish pushing.

Clara made enough hand movements to look like she was catching and wrapping a baby, really just tucking her phone into the psychic blanket and playing the sound effect she'd found. "You've got a little baby boy!" She announced, handing over the deception.

River immediately looked up at the King to make sure he believed it, slipping on the perception filter.

"He's so small..." He looked like he'd had a hard time managing to make words, face quite pale.

"That's what children who come to early look like." Clara murmured as she placed the "baby" in River's arms, "With careful nursing, he'll be alright and grow just as strong as you, your majesty."

He reaching out a finger, the blanket allowing him to see a little, live, breathing baby wrapping his tiny hand around the digit. The King promptly fainted.

River rolled her eyes, "Oh, honestly..."

"Might make clean up a little easier," Clara commented. "So much for the whole 'men can handle more gore'." She chuckled.

"Yes, I suppose." River smiled, "Would you mind calling someone in to put him on the bed?"

She nodded and moved to the door, grabbing two hovering servants. Clara helped them get the King on the bed next to River and clear away the bloodied sheets. River closed her eyes, trying to relax as she was actually a bit tired after all the acting.

"You should take a lemon drop or tea for your throat," Clara suggested once the servants had gone. "I can imagine all that yelling is very good for it."

River's eyes opened once more and she smiled tiredly, "I would love one if you had it."

She searched in her bag again. "All I've got's a cough drop."

"Oh, then never mind." River glanced at the King, resting a hand on his chest.

"Checking it he still has a pulse?" Clara teased.

River didn't respond, watching him carefully, "He's surprised me a lot today..."

"You made him go through all that thinking it was real, people act all sorts of ways when presented with a trauma like that." She started rummaging through her bag again, mind elsewhere so the words just sort of slipped out. "Didn't the Doctor act differently than you expected when he had the same experience first hand?"

River's eyes shifted to look at Clara, tensing immediately. She didn't have time to respond before the King began to stir beside her.


	37. You Cried and it Broke My Hearts

**Ch 37**

The King opened his eyes, trying to sit up. "My wife, where is my wife? My son..."

"Right beside you, my love." River murmured, touching his arm gently.

He looked at her, realizing his surroundings and turning slightly red. "Please tell me I didn't faint."

"You've had a very stressful day, my love," River smiled, still looking exhausted.

"I feel like a fool. You were almost taken from me and all I can manage it the most cowardly of actions!" He frowned.

"You are certainly not a fool." River assured, "You had every right to faint."

A servant ran into the room, squeaking and bowing nervously, "Sire, a large crowd has gathered outside the gates. The people are worried for their Queen."

He looked between the servant and River. "What shall I tell them?"

"If you'd like, we can tell them of the birth of our son together." River murmured, smiling at him.

"You must stay in bed. Surely it's dangerous for you to do anything but rest now." He looked genuinely concerned for her.

"A walk to the balcony down the hall will not kill me, especially if I have your help." She murmured.

"With all respects, ma'am," Clara interjected. "I can't recommend leaving your bed. Your body need rest without exception."

River sighed, "Alright, But I want us to make the announcement together." She told the man, "For now, tell them that I am alright and resting, but don't tell them of our son."

He nodded and rose from the bed, "I'll be only moments."

"I'll miss every second you're gone." She blew him a kiss.

Clara frowned once he left. "Whatever happened to getting killed by bandits? You don't look at all in a hurry to leave."

River shrugged, adjusting herself on the bed, "I didn't realize you were so concerned about my leaving. Don't worry, I can take you home tonight, you don't have to stay with me."

"Yeah, but you've got three kids and a husband waiting at home." She pointed out. "I know you've got a time machine and all, but you've got what you wanted. Aren't they more important than finishing this story?"

"I think perhaps it's time I take a bit of a break from the Doctor." River looked away from her.

Clara stared in surprise, not knowing what to say without crossing lines she knew well to stay behind. "That's, um... Is there..." She stopped and gave up trying to find words.

"You can go wait in the TARDIS if you'd like." River murmured, "I'll tell everyone that you left."

She coughed awkwardly. "It'd be little weird that your midwife up and left, wouldn't it?"

"Not exactly. There are women all over having babies, and the hard part is over now. It wouldn't be completely unbelievable if you left."

"...Do you want me to go?" She asked, which was really what she was trying to get at. Maybe she'd accidentally said something wrong.

"It's up to you, but I don't plan on leaving for a while." She murmured.

"I'll, uh, I'll stay through the evening." Clara decided, wanting to ask how much was a while. River nodded, not saying much else.

The King returned shortly, quickly back at River's side. "There are a thousand wishes for your health and a thousand more."

"I'm very glad to hear it." She tried to give him a smile, though her mood had changed greatly.

"How's our son?" He looked at the toy affectionately. "He's very tired, he's had an exciting day." She murmured, wrapping the blanket tighter around the object.

"I don't think exciting is the word for it." He stroked the doll's face and kissed River's forehead. Before River could stop them, tears began to fall and for once, not pretend tears. "My love?" He looked at her. "Whatever is the matter?"

"I'm sorry..." She tried to hide her face, "I'm only worried about his health." She lied.

"The midwife said he'd be alright. Didn't you?" He looked to Clara.

Clara nodded, trying to figure out of River's tears were real or not. "As long as he get's taken good care of."

"We can do that." He assured. "I'm confident." River nodded, closing her eyes. "Perhaps you need to sleep." He fretted. "You have used so much of your strength today, already."

"Yes, I suppose that would be best." She murmured, trying to dry her eyes.

"Midwife, leave us." He shooed Clara away.

Clara quickly left, but not before making a face at the back of his head.

"I will stay with you and watch over our son while you rest." The King took his place back on the bed.

"No, darling, that's why we have servants. You have a kingdom to run." River pressed gently.

"He is not yet an hour old, I will not have him in the hands of anyone but us or the midwife." He retorted. "You are more important than any kingdom."

"You have been so sweet to me." She breathed, watching him, the weight of the crown pressing on her head.

"I have not acted any differently." He wasn't quite sure what she was talking about.

She smiled weakly, "Then don't trouble yourself with my words."

"You rest now." He urged again, moving to take the doll.

"No." River turned her body, holding the doll protectively, "I want to keep holding him."

"My love, you must rest."

River shook her head, "Will you get me water?" He nodded and left the room to fetch her a glass.

River jumped up, locking the door behind him and running to the TARDIS. Terra kicked at the sudden movement, bracing herself.

She ran to a closet on the side of the console room, grabbing a broken Teselecta that the Doctor had been working on. She hooked it up to the console, changing the outer image to look like a premature baby. She hadn't thought of this before, and at least the image wouldn't change if it's blanket was removed.

Tossing the doll aside, she wrapped the small, lifelike machine in the blanket, sliding back out of the doors and into bed. The machine wiggled in River's arms, just like a newborn would and produced small noises in response to touch and sound.

 _Brother!_ Terra couldn't tell the difference. River let her believe it was her brother, not wanting to explain the story.

The King returned with the glass, offering it to River. Once he returned, she let him hold the baby, falling asleep for several hours.

River woke when the servants entered with dinner, yawning and looking around the room. The King was too wrapped up in the little teselecta to notice and the servants to busy scurrying around to make the food look right.

"Are you happy, my love?" River whispered, a pang of pity hitting. He seemed to adore the little baby after only a few hours, and a part of her felt guilty for tricking him.

He looked up at her to acknowledge her being awake, the prop stealing back his attention. "As happy as a poor man is to gain a fortune." He grinned.

"How has he been?" She asked, glancing at the food.

"Better than expected, though I believe he wants a meal." He murmured.

"I can feed him." River held out her arms to take the baby. He delicately put it in her arms.

She smiled at the little machine, imagining he was Arthur, "Hello..."

Mechanic eyes clicked up to the source of the sound. River stared at the machine, realizing that it wasn't Arthur she was seeing, but another face she had seen before. When she had changed the image of the Teselecta, she had simply put on the first image of a baby she could pull from her mind. She hadn't taken the time to actually look at the face until now.

William blinked at her with her own eyes, reaching up to her as he was programmed to recognize her as his mother.

She was frozen, staring and taking in every little feature of the baby. His chest moved in small steady breaths something she'd never seen him do before.

"We should name him." The King said. "A good strong name will bring him luck."

She opened her mouth to speak, but the words caught in her throat. She touched the baby's face, "Yeah..."

"Any proposals?" He looked expectantly at her.

"I want whatever you want." She murmured, too distracted by the "baby" in front of her.

"I'm fond of William." He suggested.

She sucked in a breath, "William..." She repeated.

"The name has been carried by great leaders in my family." He added.

"It's lovely." She nodded slowly.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, noticing the platters of seasoned meat.

"Oh, yes, very." The words finally pulled her eyes away from the baby. He shifted off the bed, retrieving a plate for her. "Thank you, my love." She murmured. "Have the servants brought the cradle in?"

"Not yet. He hasn't needed it yet."

"I believe, after dinner. It would be a good time for us to announce his birth to the kingdom."

"I told our subjects there would be news in the morning." He informed her.

"Ah." She nodded, "Perhaps your other son then?"

"He's had no interest in you since you came here, but I suppose." He didn't seem to approve highly of the idea, though.

"Perhaps we shouldn't trouble him then."

He relaxed at this. "He'll hear one way or another."

"I do think you should show a bit more compassion towards him. Despite his disinterest in athletic activity, he is very wise for his age and that could be very useful when it comes to running a kingdom." She sighed.

"Nothing is more useful than power and he'll get none of that from spending every hour in the library." He huffed. "Besides, he may well not be the one to run the kingdom next."

"Well, I don't think that's true. He could study battle strategies, see which crops would grow best in our kingdom, learn medical skills to teach the soldiers who go to battle. There are so many things he could do with his book knowledge, you must have more faith in him."

"He has yet to prove himself, or any of his 'skills' useful. He doesn't act on anything, he doesn't work." He crossed his arms.

"Perhaps it's because you haven't given him a chance." She pressed.

"I've attempted to make him work. I've sent trainers and pushed him outside. He responds to nothing."

"I could try talking to him. I know, he doesn't have much interest in me, but perhaps I can find a way to speak to him."

"Do what you wish, but there is little reason to."

"I do want you to break the news of his brother's birth to him."

"Fine." He said reluctantly.

"Thank you, darling."

He sighed and took a plate for himself. "Eat up, you must be exhausted."

River nodded, eating slowly. William's attention was drawn towards the food. River's attention was turned back to her 'son,' watching him closely for the rest of the meal. He seemed bothered by the smell of it, or at least its presence since he couldn't actually smell.

She finished eating, pushing the food away and going back to entertaining the baby. As a programmed newborn, he didn't actually do much but shift his gaze around and wiggle his arms. He yawned occasionally, but mostly just stared back at River.

There was a knock at their door about an hour later, a servant coming to clear away the food. "Can you call for the prince?" River asked.

The servant nodded and bowed to the three of them.

"And bring in the cradle." The King added.

River held the baby close to her chest as it started to "fall asleep." It wasn't long before the servant returned with the King's son trailing behind.

"Be gentle." River reminded the King. He huffed, posture stiffening.

The boy stared at the floor silently as the servant left. River glanced between the two, then sighed, deciding it would be best if she started, "Henry, your father and I wanted to introduce you to your brother."

He tiptoed over towards them, peering at the bundle. "He's early, isn't he?" He asked.

"Yes," River murmured, "He did come a bit early."

"What went wrong?" He looked her over as if she should've been injured.

"It doesn't really matter now." She shook her head, gesturing for the King to continue.

He looked between River and Henry with a frown. "We've named him William."

"Like my grandfather, and his grandfather." The boy commented.

The King looked away. "It is his now."

"Would you like to hold him?" River asked.

"If it's allowed." Henry nodded.

"Of course, it's allowed, he's your brother." River murmured, gently passing the baby to him.

"Don't drop him." The King added a bit harshly.

"Darling..." River sent him a glare, "He knows not to do that." He rolled his eyes.

Henry cradled the teselecta with textbook expertise. "You're very good at that," River commented.

"I've been reading about infants for a while." He replied.

"Really?" River smiled a bit, "How long have you been doing that?"

"Since you said you were going to have a baby." He murmured.

"My, I didn't know you had such an interest in the baby."

"You didn't ask." He pointed out. "And you've been away."

"Well, I was thinking, perhaps it is time for us to spend some time together as a family." She murmured.

"Doing what?" He questioned.

"Well, I thought you and your father could go hunting one day. We all could spend some time in the library and you could show us some of your favorite books. Whatever you'd like." She smiled.

"I don't... really enjoy killing animals for sport." He murmured, hesitant to push his preference.

The King huffed again.

"That's alright." She glared at her husband, "Darling, do you have a suggestion for something you and your son could do that he would enjoy?"

He muttered something under his breath.

"What was that, my love? I don't think I heard you." Her tone had a bit of an edge to it, a warning to him to behave.

"A carriage ride in the forest." He managed, though obviously, it wasn't what he'd said originally.

"That would be lovely." River smiled, "What a lovely idea."

"I like that better." Henry agreed.

"I'm glad. You two should do that soon."

"When you can join us." The King insisted.

"No, I want this to be an activity between father and son." She murmured, "It will be fun for the both of you."

The King snorted in disagreement. Henry just moved his attention back to his little brother. "He doesn't look much like father."

"Well, he came very early. I'm sure his features will develop as he grows older and he'll look more like your father."

"Your eyes." He pointed out softly. "And I think he'll have your curly hair."

She smiled softly "We shall see."

"Father's hair color." He noted, observing the very little hair on William's head.

"I think he has your father's jawline." She smiled at the King.

The man seemed to puff up a little at this. River beckoned him over and pulled him down for a deep kiss, murmuring in his ear, "Why don't you give your son a nice compliment."

He rolled his eyes, not as distracted as River had probably hoped. "I will when he's deserving of one."

"Please?" River pouted, kissing him again, "For me?"

"Like what?" He huffed.

"Anything you can think of."

He made a frustrated noise, though it wasn't quite a growl. "You... know a great deal for someone your age." He managed, though couldn't help but glare sharply at the floor the entire time.

"I-um...Th-thank you, father." The boy stammered.

The King let out a puff through his nose. "I don't see the point of that." He murmured to River.

"The point was to make him feel good. Plus, I found it very attractive." She purred.

"...If you wish to be alone, I can see that William gets settled to bed." Henry offered, feeling quite awkward.

"Hmmm, how does that sound to you?" River asked the King.

"I believe it would be good for him to rest. You must rest, too, wife." He added.

She nodded, "Don't worry, I will."

"The midwife said bed rest. You must stay in good health, so you must rest now." He insisted.

She sighed, "Darling, I'm fine."

"You said that when you first felt the labor pains start." He countered.

"So? Everything turned out alright."

"You nearly lost your life." He fretted.

"But I didn't." She huffed.

"I'm eternally grateful for that, but it will mean nothing if you were to get hurt. Please, my love."

She sighed, "Fine."

"Thank you." He smiled weakly. "...And to you for seeing to your brother." He said towards his son.

"You're welcome." The boy murmured, carrying the teselecta out.

"Your midwife must stay for a few days to see to your recovery."

"We'll talk about this later."

He hesitated but decided she was right and the topic could wait.

"I'm proud of you."

"Why?" He frowned.

River smiled, "You handled your son so well. However, you did lie to me."

"What do you mean?"

"You said he had no interest in me or the baby, but apparently, he did. He's been reading about babies ever since we announced my pregnancy." She murmured.

"He mentioned nothing to either of us until now." He pointed out, refusing to be called wrong.

She raised an eyebrow, "So you're saying that you had no idea he was interested in the baby?"

"If he was _really_ interested why didn't he come speak to you about the pregnancy?"

"Because he's afraid of you."

"I see no reason for that." He sat on the bed and crossed his arms.

River sighed, "You can hardly get a compliment out without growling at him."

"So?"

"So that's no way to treat a young boy." She murmured.

"He's nearly twelve, he ought to have tougher skin by now."

"No, he shouldn't!" She was growing angry, "Besides, I'm sure this treatment is nothing new and it is how you have been towards him his entire life. I, however, will not let this continue, especially not with my son."

"William will be far from the disappointment Henry is." He scoffed. "Just give it time and he will bring honor to our kingdom."

"Henry could bring honor to the kingdom as well if you ever gave him the chance." She hissed.

"I _did_ and he failed to be anything more than he is." He didn't like that River was trying to change his ways.

There was a soft knock at the door, and Henry entered once more, "I-I wanted to tell you that..." He trailed off, too nervous to continue.

"Well, spit it out." The King pushed.

"Philip, stop it." River snapped.

He glared back, falling silent.

"What is it you were saying, dear?" River's tone softened as she turned her attention back to Henry.

He shifted his feet and stared down at them, speaking in a mouse-like voice. "William's asleep now. The midwife has been put to watch him."

River nodded, "Thank you for telling us. I was thinking, perhaps tomorrow you could come in here and help me read him a story. I'll let you pick out whichever one is your favorite."

He nodded, a smile ghosting over his lips as he looked up at her finally.

"Alright. Well, then I'll see you tomorrow. Go and get some rest."

He nodded again and bowed slightly before scurrying off.

"Perhaps you should sleep in another room tonight." River glanced at the King.

"So you can rest better?" He frowned.

"If that's what you want to think, then fine." She huffed.

"What is your real reason?" He insisted.

"I'm disappointed in you."

"You just said you were proud. You're the one who's babying him." He recrossed his arms.

"I'm not babying him! I'm treating him like an eleven-year-old boy should be treated! If you ignore him and treat him the way you have then, of course, he'll never succeed. He'll be too afraid to even try. Can't you see that he just wants to connect with you."

"Don't tell me how to treat my son! His purpose is to become prepared to run this kingdom and clearly, he isn't going to. We have another heir, so there is no point in tending to a lost cause!"

River stiffened, "Get out."

"Fine then." He growled back, stalking out and shutting the door louder than necessary.

River waited about an hour before calling for Clara. She was led in by another servant and quickly left alone with her. "Do you want me to take you home now?" River asked softly, getting out of the bed.

"If it's not too suspicious." Clara nodded.

River nodded, locking the bedroom door just in case, and bringing her to the TARDIS, setting the coordinates. Clara looked like she wanted to say a number of things, but kept silent through the flight.

When they landed, she finally felt brave enough to ask: "Do you... want me to tell the Doctor anything?"

River closed her eyes, sighing, "No, thank you."

"Not that you might be gone for a bit?" She dared to push a little.

"Clara." River shook her head, "I said no."

She nodded, going to leave, but pausing in the doorway. "River?... Um, good luck. With everything."

"Thank you for your help." She nodded slowly.

"Anytime." She bid River goodbye and left the TARDIS.


	38. Bravery

**Ch 38**

In total, River was gone for three weeks. Of course, she went and visited the girls and Arthur at night, taking them out on adventures, and then dropping them back off at home. She missed the twin's birthday party but made it up to them soon after.

She made no effort to see the Doctor and gave the girls no messages to give to him. During the last week, she didn't visit at all.

During the day, she a great deal of time with Henry, trying to improve his confidence and relationship with the King. As Henry began to open up more and more, River began to delay her departure.

The King's relationship with River grew more binary through the days. They were either arguing over how to treat Henry or fawning over William. Arguing generally ended in them spending time apart and fawning tended to involve a lot of snogging.

The Teselecta grew steadily as is was programmed, easily fooling all who were around him.

The girls often questioned River as to why she was gone all day, and at least twice a week brought cards and flowers from the Doctor which River ignored.

During her last few days in the kingdom, River ensured she was on good terms with the King, nearly wearing down her hallucinogenic lipstick in the process. She also spent some alone time with Henry, working especially hard to make sure he would be alright when she left.

Though River's efforts might have only been a dent in the King's direction, to Henry she was practically a savior. He was sharing almost daily with his father about his readings, even if the man only gave a huff of acknowledgment in return. (The King had taken to ignoring the boy instead of making rude comments to his face.)

River was exceedingly proud of the progress she made with Henry, though it was upsetting that she would have to leave him as he grew more and more attached to her.

The night before she resolved to go, she sat Henry down for a final talk, assuring him that no matter what his father thought, he was brilliant and would make an excellent ruler one day. Henry confessed that he didn't think he would become heir to the throne.

"Father doesn't agree with you, that's partly why he had another son."

"Well, I want you to prove him wrong. Show him that you are perfectly capable of being King. I promise everything will work out in the end. I believe in you."

"He does not. He thinks there are specific qualities to a king that I do not have." He looked at the floor.

This mission has been so unlike the ones she used to go on. Normally, she wouldn't get involved in issues like this, or she would have just sided with the King on the matter, but now that River had children of her own, she pitied the boy that had been left to fend for himself all his life.

She gently pulled him into her arms, as she would do to comfort her own children, "I hope his ignorance will not crush your spirit. I will try to talk to him once more before my trip, but then you must do the rest. Try to show him how brilliant you are, and perhaps he'll change his mind. It won't happen overnight, it'll take time, but you have to trust that it will happen."

He sighed, leaning to her embrace. "Why must you go?"

"I have to go and visit my daughters, remember?" She murmured.

"Why can't they come here? I want to meet them."

"Well, they're still very young, and I don't want them traveling alone, but I promise that I'll take you with me another time."

He cheered up at that. "Do you have the book I gave you? You have to read it to them."

"Yes, of course, I'll read it to them. I'm sure they'll love it." She smiled.

"They're going to meet William for the first time. Do you suppose they'll like him?"

River's breath caught at the thought of the girls actually getting to meet their lost brother, the image sending an ache through her heart, "I think they'll love him." She whispered.

Henry grinned. "I believe your words have truth in meaning and I am grateful for them. I will miss you while you're gone."

"I will miss you too." She smiled, "Now, I must go speak with your father about the matter, I'll come say goodbye once more in the morning before I go."

"Goodnight." He murmured.

River spent the rest of the night with the King, trying to convince him to give his son a chance between rounds of "intercourse." The King was rather loopy from it all but he kept saying something along the lines of 'needs to prove knowledge's worth'.

"What if I promised you another heir?" She murmured, nuzzling his collar as they lay in the sheets, gearing up for another round, "When I return, we'll have another baby if you give Henry a chance while I'm gone."

The King seemed hesitant but intrigued by the offer. "What do you propose by giving him a chance?"

"You don't ever actually listen to him. He has truly brilliant ideas. He's only eleven and he already has plans on how to make the Kingdom more money through trade. Most eleven-year-olds, even if they do love to read, wouldn't be able to come up with plans like that. So, if you take the time to sit down and speak with him, and genuinely listen, then I'll have another one of your heirs."

"Can it not wait until your return?" He hoped.

"No, it must happen while I'm away."

"Why?" He insisted.

"Because that way, when I get back, we can start trying right away." She purred, kissing his jaw.

He hummed, "Very well, I will make the effort, but that does not mean I will take enjoyment from it."

She smiled, quite pleased with herself, "I didn't realize you were that eager to have another child."

"We will produce many, many heirs. It is the Gods' word for us to spread our bloodline very far. But we must be more careful next time so the child is not untimely."

"Yes, but for now, we can be as rough as we'd like. Now, shall we go again or is my poor king too tired for another round." She teased.

"Again, my dear queen." He grinned.

The next morning, River said goodbye to Henry and the King, promising to return soon. With the crown on her head, she headed off with the Teselecta, into the woods where she had positioned the TARDIS.

She set the coordinates for a few weeks later when she was meant to be returning. She tossed a few of her dresses onto the path and then set a fire about a mile down the road as the thieves of the woods usually did. When the townspeople saw the smoke, they would surely come running.

The fire grew very quickly, though that was probably due to the use of gasoline. It was mere minutes before the sound of horsemen approached.

River cloaked the TARDIS, hiding in the doorway of the ship.

None of the horsemen were people River would recognize, likely just the first guards the King could find. They examined the fire and the clothes. "Go after the traitors. Find them and kill them. We shall report back to the King: His wife and son have been killed."

River next went to the court to make sure the King would be properly informed, though this time she just watched from the scanner.

He was throwing a proper fit, overturning chairs and doing a fair about of intimidating yelling. "You will search the entire first inch by inch! I will have revenge!" The guard rushed off to do as he'd said, other servant running around and trying to fix the room he was wreaking. "Take me to the carriage, I need to see it!"

River watched for a few moments, not at all surprised by his reaction.

"Sir, there is no more carriage. It was burnt to ash." Another guard reported.

"You will take me to it!" He roared. The guard nodded, leading the King out to the forest so Henry was the only one left in the throne room.

The boy had skipped anger, not really having much in him to begin with. He had been crying silently but left alone he allowed himself to become louder, sinking in his chair.

River's heart broke for the boy, and she wanted to run out and comfort him. She had hoped that they hadn't been close enough for him to be terribly upset, but it seemed that she was wrong.

He sat there and sobbed.

Terra kicked in confusion as to why River was sad.

River grabbed a cloak from the closet, pulling it on. She couldn't let the boy just sit there and suffer.

 _Why sad?_ Terra insisted.

 _Because I made someone else sad, but I didn't mean to._

 _Who? Big brother?_

 _No, someone else._ She stood at the door of the TARDIS, not knowing if she should risk going out.

 _Who?_ Terra asked again.

River ignored the question, slipping out of the TARDIS, the cloak masking her face. Henry didn't see her, face buried in his hands. She gently wrapped her arms around him when she was close enough, rubbing his back.

He nearly jumped, clumsily scrambling back. "Who are you? H-How did you get in here?"

"Shhh, it's alright. I just need you to be quiet, okay?" River pulled the hood back so he could see her face, "Please, don't shout."

"H-how are you alive?" It came out more as a whimper.

"I can't explain it, and I can't come back either." She murmured, brushing her fingers along his cheeks to rid them of tears, "I just want you to know, everything will be alright."

"You're a ghost aren't you?" He sucked in a shaky breath, hand over hers.

She swallowed, then nodded, "...Yes, I am." She murmured.

"Is William dead too?" He sniffed.

She nodded, keeping her hand on his cheek, "Yes, I'm afraid so."

"Why?" He managed.

"We were attacked." She murmured, "But that's not why I'm here. I wanted to come back and tell you that you are so brave and so good. Has your father been making an effort to listen?"

"He sat with me a few times and we talked about plans for the kingdom." He wiped his nose on his sleeve. "He liked my ideas."

"See?" She smiled, "Didn't I tell you he would? Now, I don't know if my...death is going to make it easier or harder to talk with him, but I want you to keep trying. Now that he's seen how brilliant you are, it'll only get easier." She encouraged.

"No, it won't. He's furious, lost over your death. He will be gone in spirit."

"Then bring him back." River whispered, "You can do it, I know you can. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, everything will be better. It'll be alright, I promise."

"Will you go to him?" He asked.

"Do you want me to?" It hadn't been in her original plan, but if it would help the boy then she would do it.

"I don' think it will do him much good..." He hesitated, remembering the temper of his father.

She nodded slowly, "I must go now. Be brave, don't let your father knock you down."

He squeezed her hand harder, not wanting her to go. "Please, take care of my brother on the other side."

"You know I will." She gave him a small smile, finally letting go of his hand, "You're going to make a wonderful king one day."

"P-please don't leave us." He begged.

"I can't stay." She shook her head, "But you don't need me anymore. You'll be just fine, I know it."

"I _do_ need you. I can't be alone again."

River sighed, "You're not alone. You'll have your Father this time. And I'll come back to see you."

His eyes widened. "When?"

"I don't know." She shook her head, "But I promise that I will."

He nodded sadly. "Will you bring my brother, too?"

She nodded, "Of course."

"Thank you, mother." He whispered.

She swallowed, "I'll see you soon." She pulled the hood back over her head, and went back to the TARDIS, taking off and finally heading home.

It was night when she landed, the flat dark and quiet aside from Toby's snores coming from the couch. River stepped out of the TARDIS, taking in the room. She almost immediately wanted to leave again but didn't.

Toby twitched in his sleep. In front of him, on the coffee table, there were cards strewn out. The handwriting wasn't the neat scrawl of the Doctor like it usually was, but messy marks made by the girls.

River sighed, walking over to the cards and picking them up. There were doodles of the family on them, some including the pets, but each one said 'Happy Mother's Day', though not always spelled right. River was unsure if she had missed Mother's Day or if the next day was Mother's Day.

She sat down on the couch, head in her hands. Toby woke at the movement, sleepily shifting so his head was on her leg. River pat his head, sighing. He made a questioning noise up at her, tail wagging. River ignored him, getting up and going to sleep in the TARDIS.

He whimpered, popping up and trotting after her. He curled up in bed with her, very insistent. She quickly fell asleep, exhausted.


	39. Ruined

_(Relationship trigger warnings strong here)_

 **Ch 39**

In the morning, River was woken by dog slobber, Toby happily licking her face. "Ugh, Toby!" She hissed, pushing him out of bed. He plopped to the floor, looked expectantly up at her. She slowly stood, going to leave to TARDIS. Toby followed her, acting a lot like Tiber.

The dog got ahead and River followed him out the doors. He hurried to the kitchen where he knew someone would be up to feed him. She rubbed her sore back, following him at a much slower pace, wanting to sit and have a glass of water.

The cats were in the kitchen when she entered, hovering around a pair of hands opening a can of food for them. River paused in the doorway as her eyes fell on the owner of the hands.

The man didn't notice her, as his back was to her. It wasn't until he straightened up and got the dog food from the cupboard did the Doctor turn around and still his movements, staring. As soon as their eyes met, River averted her gaze, looking everywhere but at him.

"How long?" He asked quietly, forcing himself to him and finish the task of feeding the dog.

"Three weeks."

"A month." He gave an answer too, though she hadn't asked.

She returned to silence, going to get a glass of water.

"The kettle's on." He whispered. "Do you want some tea?"

"No."

He nodded and sighed silently. "You're not back because of me, are you?"

"Why would I be back because of you?" She asked, getting a glass out of the cabinet.

"Because you might've been ready to speak to me." He sounded hurt. "You might've been ready to hear an apology. Because I'm your husband and I haven't so much as laid eyes on you in a _month_."

She sighed, massaging her temple, "Alright, let's hear it then. Let's hear the apology."

He blinked at her, not realizing she actually wanted to listen to him. "I've... I've had a million different versions of this conversation in my head. All of them are rubbish so I'm not going to use any of them, but I'll start with obvious: I'm sorry."

He looked at the cats, eyes scanning around for something to focus on before deciding it wasn't worth hiding from her gaze. "I'm sorry for what I said, for how I made you feel. I'm sorry that that topic keeps coming up, and I'm sorry it drove you away. I... I was really confused at the time and hurt and I lashed out. I made assumptions that cost me you."

She watched him, her face not changing from its cold expression, "Feel better?"

"Not really." He admitted. "That was kind of rubbish apology as far as apologies go..."

She poured herself a glass of water, sitting down at the table, not looking at him.

"Though, I don't think you wanted to hear it either." He added.

"What day is it?" She asked, not looking at him.

"18th of May." He murmured.

"Not the date, the day." She muttered.

"Saturday." He tried again. She nodded slowly. He paused for a moment of thought. "If you're asking about Mother's Day, that was last Wednesday."

"I wasn't." She snapped, though her expression fell and she closed her eyes.

"Thought you'd want to know anyways." He said, hardly audible. River sighed, burying her head in her hands. "River..." He finally sat across from her. She didn't answer him and didn't look up. "We have something planned for you still... If you want."

"Oh, seriously? Is that why you think I'm upset?" She snapped at him again.

"No, it was just an effort to make you feel better." He muttered, keeping his tone calm.

She stared at him for a minute, then stood, leaving the kitchen and going back to the TARDIS. "I shouldn't have come back."

He jumped to follow, Tiber coming along too. "River, you're due in barely a month, _please_ don't disappear again."

She ignored him, going back inside the ship and locking the door.

He knocked, trying not to sound frantic. "Please, River!"

She tried to set the coordinates, but she quickly saw that she had nowhere to go. Her get away for the past seven months had been all used up. She pulled some levers, slamming down on one of the buttons, just needing to get away.

The TARDIS groaned in protest, not moving since the Doctor was clinging to the outside. "If you want an out, just say so!"

"Let go!" She shouted, hitting the button again.

The ship made the same noise, but this time started dematerializing. River sunk to the floor, her forehead pressed against the console. The TARDIS landed, a small jolt around the console.

 _What's wrong?_

River didn't answer, staying in the same, silent position for hours.

Terra tumbled restlessly, trying to ease her boredom. She kicked and moved and practiced the words she knew, trying to get a response from her mother.

River wanted to just disappear. She refused to speak. She hardly moved. The hours stretched, and she began to lose track of time. The TARDIS hummed to her, trying to sooth her the only was she could.

She eventually fell asleep in the console room in the same spot where she had been sitting for hours.

The Doctor hadn't let go of the TARDIS when it took off. Though the ship had extended her shields for him, he had still passed out, when they landed, staying knocked out for a good two or three hours.

He didn't try to confront River again when he woke, figuring he would upset her more, instead taking in his surroundings. When he figured out where he was, he sat, leaning against the side of the box and waiting.

River stayed asleep for a few hours, eventually waking up and getting up to go look outside. They'd landed on on a small piece of land surrounded by water, identical islands scattered around this one. Each was covered in red flowers and four moons hung in the early morning light.

She stood in the doorway, not noticing the Doctor at first. He wondered if he should say something, eventually deciding to. "Do you recognize it?"

She stiffened at the sound of his voice, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I didn't let go." He murmured, eyes fixed on the island closest to them.

"And you left our children alone!" She slammed the door, going back to the console.

He stood and followed her in. "We're in a time machine, we can be gone for five seconds."

"Well, the whole point in my leaving was to get away from you."

He flinched, "I just want you to talk to me. Why is that so much to ask?"

"Because I don't want to talk! I want to be away from you!" She turned on him, "Why can't you understand that?"

"Could you?" He forced out a little louder.

"Yes!"

"How? How could you possibly justify it if I wanted to be away from you without contact for that long?" His attempt at calm was failing him. He wasn't exactly shouting but is was clear that he was upset. "How could you think that it would be okay to just up and leave my children and the woman that I love?"

"Get away from me!" She shouted at him, "I don't want to see you anymore! All you've ever done is push and push and push me to points and places where I'm not comfortable! How could you say you love me when you do that? How could you say you love me when you're constantly making me feel as though I'm not good enough for you? You make me feel as though I'm always doing something wrong!"

He felt like the wind got knocked out of him, any comment about her hiding the damage until she was already broken caught in his throat. "Ask for an out then."

She stayed silent for a minute, "What's...?"

"What's _what?_ " He bit out, staring intently at a leaver.

"What's my out." She murmured.

"It's out of this marriage. I'm not going to stay in limbo and I'm not waiting around with false hope when you've already made up your mind about how you feel about me and made assumptions about how I feel about you. You want an out, so ask for one." He gripped the console.

His words broke her heart and made her feel woozy. It wasn't at all what she wanted, but to her, it didn't sound like he was terribly opposed to it, "Can you...drop me off with Vastra?"

He took a shaky breath, looking utterly drained at he reached for the leavers.

"So is this it?" She whispered.

"This is what you want." He managed, fighting against his own voice. "This is the only thing I can give you to make you happy."

She stared at him, disbelief across her face, "Is that what you really think?" She shook her head, her whole body trembling as she walked towards the doors, "If that's honestly what you think..." She trailed off, unable to find the words to express how hurt she was.

"Please, tell me I'm wrong then." He looked over at her.

"If you _really_ think that _this_ is the _only_ thing you can do to make me happy..." She shook her head, "Then you're not wrong at all." She whispered, finally stepping out of the TARDIS.

The Doctor collapsed onto the jump seat, head in his hands as the TARDIS levers moved on their own.

River fell into the closest chair, crying quietly in her hands when she heard the TARDIS disappearing behind her. Vastra was there in moments by her friend's side, arms wrapped unquestioningly around her. River buried her face in her friend's shoulder, sobbing.

"My dear, what happened?" Vastra rubbed River's back.

She tried to explain, but she couldn't, unable to control her tears long enough to speak a coherent sentence.

Jenny came in to see what all the noise was about, quickly exiting and shooing Strax into another room.

"Why don't you sit somewhere more comfortable, Jenny will make some tea." Vastra offered warmly. River hardly responded, a sobbing mess against the woman. Vastra sighed sympathetically and urged her into standing, bringing her to a cushioned couch while keeping her in her arms.

River finally began to calm enough to speak, recounting what had happened to her friend. Vastra listened carefully, Jenny brought in tea somewhere along the way River paused several times to keep herself calm.

Vastra looked like she had a number of comments by the end, though said none of them, giving River another hug. "I'm so sorry." River barely acknowledged the hug or the words, as stiff and still as a stone.

Jenny came in to offer another round of tea. River declined hers, having hardly touched the first cup. Vastra accepted hers.

"I do not believe this... separation will be permanent." She said after a minute.

River glanced at her, "Why?"

"It's difficult to explain." She put down her tea. "But it's obvious neither of you wants this."

"Sometimes it's less about wanting it and more about needing it."

"What you both need is each other regardless of how inconvenient that need is."

She shook her head, "So you're saying that it's good for me to be with a man who thinks that the only way he can make me happy is by giving up?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all." Vastra sighed. "Did he know at all? That this was how you felt, was this the first time you've told him this?"

"This isn't the first time we've had this argument." River whispered, "We've fought about this before, but it's never been this bad." She buried her head in her hands.

She put her hand on River's shoulder. "I believe you both need time to cool down."

"You don't understand." River whispered, "It's not going to get better this time. It can't always get better."

"And if it were? If he came back and tried to fix it, if he came back and tried to talk... What would you do then?"

"If he came back to talk, I would listen, but I can't say that anything would change or get better." She sighed, "I can't live the rest of my life listening to him tell me he loves me, and then making me feel like I'm the worst person in the universe."

"Perhaps it would be beneficial for you to speak back. Change won't happen unless it's elicited..." Vastra stopped and shook her head, not wanting to push so soon. "You are welcome to stay as long as you need."

"Just because I talk back, doesn't mean things will change." She sighed "Besides, I don't know if he'll ever come back."

"I can't say I agree. Would you like help setting up your room?"

"No, thank you." River whispered, "I can do it." She slowly stood, heading up the stairs.

Vastra sighed worriedly after her, heavily debating on calling the Doctor to get his perspective. She stood, going to the phone and calling the TARDIS.

The phone nearly used up all its rings before someone picked up. "...Hello?"

"Doctor." Vastra murmured, "Are you alright?"

He thought about lying but, didn't have the energy. "No."

"Can you tell me what happened?" She asked gently.

"Hasn't River told you?"

"Yes, but I want to hear it from you now."

He sighed hollowly. "River left me. We were having that stupid fight again and she left for a month and she left again. I tried to talk to her and immediately she ran and she said she never wanted to see me again and... well, I offered her an out." He admitted. "I don't know if I was expecting her to take it but she did."

"Did you really think the out was the only thing you could do to make her happy?"

"I... no. I couldn't- I can't think straight. I was trying not to say anything, I was trying to be simple because I didn't think she needed me crowding her, but-" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really just don't know what to do. She thinks I don't respect her and I just... I don't know."

Vastra sighed, "I think you two need to talk, face to face, and clear everything up."

"She doesn't want to see me. She said that she doesn't." He reminded.

"She was upset. You know how she says things when she's upset."

He nodded slowly, though Vastra couldn't see. "I also know she likes space when she's upset."

"How about you come by in a few days, that way she has time to cool off and you have time to figure out what to say to her."

"Alright." He breathed. "Do you... never mind. Just, take care of her please."

"Of course." Vastra murmured.

"Thank you. And if she'll hear it, tell her I'm sorry."

"I think it would be best if I saved that for you to tell her." Vastra murmured.

"I understand. ...Thank you."

"Of course." She murmured, hanging up the phone.


	40. Beyond Insanity

**Ch 40**

For the next three days, River hardly left her room. She refused to eat and spent most of the days sleeping. Vastra did her best to urge her to eat or come to other rooms of the house to get a little movement in her. Most of her efforts were useless. Vastra exchanged plates of old food for new ones. The curtains remained drawn, and River never really seemed to realize that her friend was even in the room, lost in her own thoughts.

Today was no different, though this time, Vastra sighed purposely loud enough for River to hear. "River, you really need to eat something."

"Not hungry." River murmured.

"That can't be true you've hardly eaten in days." She urged.

"Vastra, please. I'm fine. I'll eat when I'm hungry."

"There's fresh food for you here." She put a plate down were River would find.

"Thank you." She murmured quietly. Vastra offered a weak smile, going down stairs.

River ignored the food but finally got up out of bed, getting dressed for the first time in days.

Terra kicked at River's ribs, as she had been for a while in her attempts to be motivating. River winced, pressing her hand to her side as she moved slowly around the room, struggling to fit herself into the Victorian styled gown.

Terra prodded back against were the dress pressing. _No_.

 _Stop_. River sighed, giving the dress another tug.

 _Uncomfortable._ She gave a mental frown.

 _This is all we have._ She sat down on the edge of the bed once the dress was finally on, contemplating if she should even bother going downstairs or if she should just get back in bed.

Terra wiggled and adjusted grumpily. _Papa._

River could immediately feel the tears threatening to fill her eyes, _Please, don't Terra._

The girl hadn't felt his hand in a very long time and had recently started complaining about its absence. _Sisters?_

River just wanted the little voice in her head to stop. She _needed_ it to stop. She buried her head in her hands, crying quietly. Her whole world, everything she had known for years was crumbling at her feet and she didn't know how, or if it could ever be fixed and all Terra was doing was making it worse.

Terra continued asking for her family, partially drowning out the sound of the TARDIS materializing.

River was laying on the bed, looking as if she was about to start tearing clumps of her hair out, crying. There were murmuring downstairs and footsteps coming up before a knock on the door. River barely heard the knocks, Terra's complaints once again drowning out the sound.

"River?" It wasn't Vastra's voice. "River, i-it's me." The sound only made her more upset. "Can I come in? I'd like to talk..."

She sighed, trying to collect herself. "Fine, come in."

The Doctor opened the door quietly, closing it behind him. "Vastra said I might find you here."

She kept her back to him, looking down at her now ring-less fingers. "Here I am."

He stood there for a good minute watching her and taking in the darkened room. She looked paler and he also noted the untouched plate of food on the dresser. He shifted his feet before somewhat blurting out, "River I don't want you to take the out."

She sighed, the words not meaning much to her, "If that's what you came here to talk about, then I'm sorry, but I've already made up my mind."

"I don't want you to have done because you think I wanted you to." He watched her shoulders rise and fall.

"It's more than that now."

"What changed?" He asked.

"I had time to think." She whispered.

"...I did too. That's why I'm here." He wasn't trying to beg on his knees for her back, but he wasn't above it. "I need you to know that what I said was stupid and in the spur of a moment where I was hurt. I _do_ respect you, even if it doesn't come across that way all the time. I feel awful that I ever made you feel like you were anything less than you are."

"How is this time going to be any different from the other times we've had this argument? Things have never changed." She swallowed, not wanting to cry anymore, "I think, maybe we were a better team when we were apart."

"You know that can't be true. We can make this time count, we can make the change because there's no point in letting our mistakes bury us when we can learn instead."

She shook her head, "I don't know if I can trust that."

"Is this any better? Hiding in this room, not eating... you look miserable. And yes, I know what miserable feels like, it hasn't left me for weeks." He shook his head, refusing to stray from this, this wasn't about him. "River, a month ago I was your family. I'm not going to give up so easily, I was an idiot for considering it."

"Just because I love you doesn't mean we should be together." She took a deep breath, her voice breaking on the last word, "I can't live with you anymore." She whispered, "I can't constantly feel as if I'm chasing after a dream that I'll never be good enough for."

"Ground me then. Tell me to shut up and slow down and listen. Tell me to change, because right now I'm at your will to bend. I can't read minds and I can't know what I can do to make you understand that love is all the reason there needs to be for us to be together. I can think of a million more than that.

I'm not trying to be up on a pedestal. I'm not trying to be the Timelord victorious, I'm just a man with a box and kids and chasing after the only other person in the universe who could possibly understand me. I'm _sorry_ that I made you feel like you weren't good enough, I feel exactly the opposite. I never meant to distance you, I'm really trying hard to not, but I need you to meet me halfway."

"Where is halfway?" She couldn't look at him, it hurt too much.

"Talk to me like I'm not already gone. Telling me what I can do to start making amends, to start changing for you."

"I don't want you to change who you are for me. That's not what a proper marriage is." She shook her head.

"Neither is making you feel like crap. I want to be better for you, River. I can't afford to make any more mistakes." His expression was pleading.

She swallowed, staring at him. She didn't want to say no, but she also couldn't bring herself to say yes. His eyes trailed down to the floor.

"Look. I want to be there for you. We have kids together, we're about to have another... I can't- I can't do this alone and I don't want you to have to be on your own for this when you don't have to be. I'm sorry that loving you made you feel horrible. I don't know when it started, but I feel horrible. I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you needed but that doesn't mean I don't respect you. It doesn't mean I don't still love you with all that I have, and I want to learn to do it better. I just can't figure it out if you don't help me. I'll... be downstairs."

She laughed bitterly, "You're already doing it again."

He stopped. "Tell me what I did."

She shook her head, trying to hide how crushed she was, "You said, 'I'm sorry that loving you made you feel horrible.' Do you know how I feel when you say things like that? You make me feel like I'm not allowed to be upset. You make me feel like I'm the worst person in the world. The innocent Doctor and his wicked witch of a wife." She paused, "And to think I almost said yes. It hasn't been five minutes and it's already started again."

"I-I didn't mean it like that. You are allowed to be upset, you have every right to be furious. Please, that's not what I meant by that..." He said in a panic.

"Then what did you mean?" She looked away from him, "If that's not what you meant then why did you say it?"

"I-It was meant that _I'm_ rubbish, it wasn't a blow at you, It was to point out my incompetence at all this." His voice shook.

She shook her head, "That's not what you said. I think… I think this conversation is over now."

"River please, I didn't- don't, I-I can't..." He held his breath to stop himself from tripping over any more words.

She hadn't realized that she had started crying again, "I'm sorry, Doctor. I can't do it anymore."

His fists clenched by his sides. "There's no better reason to be together than love." He choked out. "There's no better reason to fix this than love." He looked away and turned to the door.

River sunk to the floor, crying into her hands, unable to hold it anymore.

The Doctor only made it halfway down the stairs before sitting and breaking down himself. He hit himself a few times in the head, muttering 'idiot' as his vision blurred with tears.

Vastra climbed the stairs slowly, sitting beside him, "Doctor? What happened?"

"I screwed it up again." He croaked.

Vastra sighed, "Do you want me to talk with her?"

"I don't see what good you can do. My mistake seems irreversible."

She sighed, "I'm sorry, Doctor, I don't have all the answers."

"I know, I know." He said into his hands. "I just... I can't lose her, Vastra."

She nodded, "I know."

There was a minute of silence before he stood shakily, "I'll be downstairs."

"You're not going to try again?" She asked.

"I will. Just not right now." He needed to collect himself, or at least let himself break down where Vastra didn't have to see. And River needed some more space at that.

Vastra nodded, "Take your time." She waited on the stairs for a short while, listening to the happenings downstairs.

She could hear Jenny offer tea and Strax offer to blow up something, both of which the Doctor declined. She stood eventually, and went off to River's room, knocking softly.

"Yes?" It took River about a minute to answer, her voice sounding faint.

"It's Vastra. May I come in?"

"Yes." She murmured, though she didn't stand from her place on the floor.

The door clicked open and Vastra spotted her, moving to sit in front of her. "What happened?"

River sighed, having stopped crying by now, "I don't think we're going to...stay married."

"Now how can that be true?" She protested.

"He's never going to stop. I'm always going to feel the way I feel when I'm with him."

"Why didn't you before, then?" Vastra questioned.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"You've been married to this man for decades untold and have shared great and lasting happiness with him. My perspective is limited, of course, but he does not seem to be acting very differently and your recent troubles... well, I can't help but think there must be an alternate and _new_ problem that has been with you only within the past months that is perhaps causing the tension."

River swallowed, already knowing what the new problem was, Terra. "Perhaps I've finally had some clarity."

"There are many names I would give this, but clarity is not one of them."

River tensed, "Then what would you call it since you seem to know what's going on in my head so well."

Vastra backed down. "My apologies, River. I don't mean to pose as though I do." She sighed. "It's only that it doesn't take much to see that you are angry and scared. I wish to help the both of you." She added quietly.

"Even if I went back to him, I don't know how we would ever be able to get back to the way we used to be after this." She whispered.

"With a little understanding and more communication." She suggested. "But I believe the external problem would be the first problem to deal with."

River buried her head in her hands, feeling like no one was understanding, "Fine. Fine, you all win. I'll go back and pretend like nothing's ever happened. I'll live the rest of my life with this man who I'll never be able to look at the same way again!"

"River that's not what I-" The Timelady was already out of the room, going to sit in the TARDIS.

The ship took off on its own accord, leaving Vastra and the Doctor behind. "Hey!" River ran to the console, trying to stop the machine from going, "What are you doing?!" The TARDIS whirred mechanically, not listening to her directions. "Stop it!" River shouted at the machine, hitting the console in frustration.

The TARDIS stopped in a sudden lurch, landed. River glanced towards the doors, slowly walking towards them and opening them.

She was back at the place she was a few days ago with the small islands of red flowers. It was darker, this time, orange light reflecting on the water alongside the blue from the light on the TARDIS and the multiple moons.

"Why did you bring me here?" River whispered.

 _Alone._ It was Terra who responded.

 _I didn't say I wanted to be alone._ River growled, going back to the console, and hitting the coordinates to go back to Vastra.

The TARDIS didn't budge.

 _Bigger Mummy says_ I'm _alone._

 _Well, I don't know what she means by that._ She was only growing more irritated when the TARDIS didn't listen to her.

The controls locked themselves.

 _Big Mummy says I can't hear._

 _Well, I don't know why she's telling you that!_

 _She not tell you to understand. She tell me to show sound. Two sounds._

River ignored the words, this time, not understanding what her daughter was trying to say. She slammed on the controls, tugging on the levers.

The TARDIS groaned angrily in response.

 _Mummy, I'm scared!_

 _I don't know what you want me to do! I can't fix you! I can't fix anything! Just stop talking to me!_

 _I'm not broken! I'm not little brother! I'm not sisters or big brother or Papa!_ She kicked hard.

River screamed in frustration, hitting the controls once more.

The button she slammed sparked. "Voice interface enabled." River growled, hitting the button again to turn it off. The hologram deactivated and everything was still.

She closed her eyes, leaning against the console and trying to pilot the ship once more. A few select controls moved for her like un-oiled metal. "Why won't you work?!" River hissed, the few controls that did move weren't the ones she needed to get home.

Her question was met with silence.

"Why are these the only controls you've made work? What's so special about these?" She sighed, pressing a few of the lit buttons.

The TARDIS started flying, this ride very smooth and quiet like a tiptoe. River sighed, sitting down in the jump seat, knowing that wherever they were going, it wasn't where she wanted to go.


	41. Greif

**[A/N:** Later today I will be posting the first chapter to a third story in this series. It's basically a prequel to the whole scheme River did to get the Crown so keep an eye out for that in my works.]

 **Ch 41**

The ship made a thud to indicate the flight was over. River stood, going to the doors to see what the TARDIS wanted this time.

She was in a bedroom, not one she'd been in before, though. She didn't know where or when she was, slowly stepping out of the doorframe.

"Who are you?" The voice came from her left and somewhere lower than her waist. "Are you a fairy godmother?" River froze, looking down to where the voice had come from. There was a little girl looking up at her, features unfamiliar. "You don't look like a fairy godmother."

River looked at her, having no idea who she was. She turned to go back into the TARDIS, not bothering to answer her.

The girl ran forwards grabbing hold of the bottom of River's dress. "Hey! You can't go!"

"I can too go!" River tried to pry her dress out of the girl's hands, 'Let go of me."

She stubbornly clung. "But you look like grandma's picture! You have to be a ghost or a fairy or something because you died."

River stopped, staring at her, "I have to go." She tried harder to get away.

"You're a ghost. If you were busy in heaven then why did you come down? Grandma, please?" The girl pouted.

River managed to pull her dress away, going inside the TARDIS and locking the door. "What the hell are you doing? You know you can't do things like that!" She growled at the machine.

"Grandma!" The girl banged on the door.

The TARDIS made a noise of disagreement.

"Please, grandma? You have to tell me about uncle William! Daddy doesn't have any paintings of him."

River sunk down to the floor, not wanting to fight anymore. She was so emotionally exhausted, she just wanted it all to be over.

"I'm getting him. No leaving, okay?"

"Please, stop," River whispered to the TARDIS.

The TARDIS was silent and soon the knocking resumed, though it was softer.

"River?"

This was Henry's voice, though much older.

River turned in surprise. Up until now, she thought the little girl had been Arthur's, she hadn't realized that it wasn't actually her granddaughter at all. She slowly opened the door, looking out at him.

Henry, now taller than River, looked back at her with a smile and the little girl on his hip.

"See, I told you, Daddy."

River opened the door a bit further, looking up at the man who, in her timeline, had only been a boy a few days before.

"I'm sorry if River alarmed you. I know you haven't met her yet." He said to the woman.

"You named her River?" River whispered, looking back at the little girl.

"River Willa Bartholomew." He confirmed.

"She's lovely." River gave him a small, half-hearted smile.

"I've told her lot about you, I just didn't think you'd ever visit her."

She nodded slowly, "Is...is your father still alive?"

Henry shook his head. "No, he died when I was twenty. But he did get better like you said." He offered a smile, looking her over before pausing at the sight of her middle.

"I'm glad to hear that I was right. I should really get going now." She murmured, starting to shut the door.

"Must you go?" His look saddened, momentarily distracted.

"Yes, sorry." She said quickly, "I'll come back soon."

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Bye bye, grandma!" The younger of the Rivers waved.

"Goodbye." The older one whispered, shutting the door and going to the console, "Take. Me. Home." The TARDIS took off once more, for once listening and going to the flat. "No!" She sighed, "To Vastra's."

The ship made a noise that could easily have been hesitance.

"Go!"

It took a long moment before the TARDIS decided to listen and take her there.

River was angry with the ship, storming out when they landed and going to find the Doctor. He was in the kitchen, trying to disassemble a light fixture. "Come on, let's go home." River hissed.

He looked over at her quite confused. "Oh... alright." She turned and walked back to the TARDIS, hitting in the coordinates of their flat.

He sat and twiddled his thumbs awkwardly as they went home, really unsure of what was going on and half expecting to be yelled at or kicked out. River didn't say anything, brushing past him and out the doors once they got home.

Toby was sitting outside the box, having a habit of running to it when he heard the wheezing sound. River ignored him, walking right past him and into her bedroom.

The Doctor slunk out of the TARDIS, going to check on the girls instead of bothering River. He didn't think she wanted to be bothered by him.

The girls were still fast asleep as well as Arthur.

He smiled weakly at them as he checked on each, seeing them sleeping making him realize that it was night now and that he hadn't had decent sleep in a long time. He doubted tonight would be different, but regardless, settled onto the couch for that.

There was a shattering sound from their bedroom, followed by Arthur crying. The door to their room opened as River went to get the baby. The Doctor jumped at both noises and rushed to tend to his son, not having realized River had gotten up to get Arthur, too.

River scooped the baby up out of his crib, trying to soothe his crying by rubbing his back and rocking him back and forth.

"Muuuumuaaa!" Arthur wailed, clinging desperately to her.

"Shhhh, shhhh. Okay. I know, I'm here. It's alright, Mumma's here." She soothed, kissing his temple. He hadn't seen her in a long while and he didn't know where she'd gone, not old enough to understand the Doctor's excuse of 'an archaeology thing'.

River nuzzled his cheek, having missed him terribly. "I'm here." She whispered. Arthur very gradually began to calm, reducing to normal sized sobs instead of wails.

The Doctor had stopped in the doorway, realizing River had it covered, instead going to their room to see what had been smashed. River had thrown a picture of her and the Doctor from one of their weddings that had been on her bedside table at the mirror. Both the picture and the mirror had shattered.

The Doctor stared at the bits of broken glass, stomach so tight that he felt sick. River cleared her throat from the doorway, still holding a whimpering Arthur. He turned back to look at her, eyes welled up.

She wasn't looking at him, eyes fixed on the ground, "I'd like to go to bed now, so if you wouldn't mind...going..." She cleared her throat again, "I think we should sleep separately tonight."

He didn't say anything, quickly going past her and back downstairs. River closed the door quietly behind him, crawling into bed with Arthur and trying to fall asleep.

She ended up just staring at the wall, the ache in her chest to painful to let her drift off. Arthur fell asleep on her chest, snoring softly with a bit of River's top still clutched in his tiny hand.

River nuzzled the top of his head, stroking the baby hairs. "I'm sorry." She whispered, "I'm sorry I've made a mess of our family. I'm sorry for pushing your Daddy away from me. I'm sorry for losing your brother. I'm sorry for hurting your sister to the point where she'll never be able to hear. I'm sorry for being afraid. I'm sorry I don't know how to be a good mummy for you."

He gurgled in his sleep, wiggling his nose for a moment before relaxing. She gently stroked the bridge of his nose, kissing the top of his head.

Terra hadn't been very active since she'd gotten yelled at, mentally or physically. River didn't seem too concerned about Terra, holding Arthur close until she fell asleep.

The cats stole her company in the night, all three cuddling up in little buns around her warmth.

In the morning, Arthur accidentally woke himself by rolling off River's chest. "Muumaaa!"

River jumped awake, instantly looking around to see what was wrong. Arthur had landed with his face awkwardly squashed between a cat and River's arm. He cried out in for her help, clearly very upset to wake like this.

"Ohh, sweetie." She smiled weakly, gently lifting him up to rest against her chest once more. He whimpered, curling into her for protection.

Samantha, who he had landed on, perked her head up to look at what had disturbed her, sniffing curiously in the baby's direction.

River stroked Arthur's back comfortingly, "It's alright. You're alright."

Samantha rose, stretched, and tried to resettle on River's legs against her belly.

Terra kicked aggressively towards the cat. Samantha looked down, growling at River's belly. Arthur whimpered again, afraid by the noise.

"Shhh." River murmured, nuzzling his temple. Terra kicked again at Samantha, then at her brother.

"Are you hungry?" River asked Arthur, running her finger down his cheek.

He squirmed at the feeling, giving a confirming "Ngah."

"Do you want big boy food or Mummy food?" She asked.

"Bii!" He told her.

"Alright, come on you." She murmured, getting out of bed.

Samantha was eager to follow, the other cats waking and joining as they all decided it was time for breakfast as well.

River led them all down the stairs, putting Arthur in his high chair, then feeding the cats. Arthur whined impatiently.

"Alright, I'm getting it." She murmured, finishing with the cats, then going to feed Arthur.

He tried to grab the spoon, wanting to try and do it himself. She let him take it, watching him closely. He crammed an overly full spoon of mashed banana in his mouth, making a delighted hum. River smiled, kissing the top of his head.

"Abaah!" He tried to say something around his mouthful.

"You can't speak until you finish eating." River laughed.

"B-burh." He grumbled and made an effort to swallow. "Bapa."

She stroked his hair, "Hmm?"

"Babb sah!" He frowned at her lack of understanding, pointing to her middle.

"What about her?"

He made a grabbing motion and pouted. She stood, moving closer so he could feel her belly. He put his hands against her, eagerly expecting to feel his sister.

"I think she's sleeping, my love."

"Noo!" He said in demand to feel a kick.

"Arthur, please." River sighed, "She's not moving right now."

He was about to make another noise of protest when he burped and distracted himself by doing so. He reached back for the spoon and continued digging in his jar. She sat back down, massaging her temples.

Mr Thomas and Samantha slunk out of the room and Tiber jumped on the table, looking for River's attention. Footsteps started from the stairs.

River wasn't paying attention to any of it, sitting with her eyes closed.

Tiber made a soft mule as little feet made their way into the kitchen and hands tugged on River's nightie.

River opened her eyes, looking down at the girls, "Good morning."

They looked up at her with wide eyes. "When did you come home?"

"Last night while you two were sleeping." She smiled weakly.

"You didn't wake us up." Freya frowned.

"It was very late, I didn't want to disturb you." She murmured.

"You missed Mummy's day," Amelia said quietly.

She closed her eyes again, not wanting her daughters to be against her too, 'I'm so sorry, girls."

"There was a thing at school that all the mummies went to... Did you read the cards?"

"No, I didn't get a chance." She felt like she had left them down, growing more and more upset with herself.

"...Are you going to go away again?" Amelia asked timidly.

River sighed, "I don't know..."

Freya immediately clung to her leg. "But you can't go again! You didn't even say bye and Daddy said it was work but you always say bye and that was a really long time and you can't go again!"

River wrapped her arms around Freya, "I promise, if I have to go again I'll say goodbye this time."

She clung to River, trying very hard not to cry. "Mummy, where did you go?"

She debated on telling her girls the truth, pressing her cheek against the top of Freya's head. Amelia tugged on River's dress quietly, wanting a hug, too. River pulled her into their hug, trying not to cry herself as she imagined their reaction to her telling them about her and the Doctor.

Terra shifted uncomfortably between their weight. River ignored the movement, as usual, holding the girls tighter.

"Will you be here for Arthur's birthday?" Amelia sniffled.

"Of course, I'll be here for that." She murmured.

"Are you taking us to school today?" The other girl asked.

"Of course, I will." River nodded.

"Are we going to be late?" Freya looked at the clock, noting that they usually got up earlier.

"I'll take you in the TARDIS." River murmured, "You should have breakfast."

She rubbed her eye. "Will you make us your special pancakes?"

"If that's what you want." She nodded, getting up and starting to get the ingredients together. The girls found seats at the table, petting Tiber.

River made the pancakes, setting them on the table and dishing them out to the girls. They ate somewhat hesitantly, still unsettled by River being gone. River sighed, helping them get ready for school and then flew them off in the TARDIS so they would be on time.

She returned to the flat, going to clean up breakfast. Toby was sprawled across the couch where the Doctor would have been. Tiber was under foot again.

River nearly tripped over the cat several times as she washed the dishes and placed them in their rightful spots. Tiber mewed up at her, trying to jump onto the counter. She sighed, petting his head. Arthur whined, not wanting to share River's attention.

River carried Arthur back to her room, wanting to lay down and take another nap with him. The picture and mirror had been cleaned up, most of the other framed photos moved somewhere other than that room.

River glanced around, surprised to see all of the pictures gone. Arthur grabbed one of her curls, pulling excitedly. "Alright, alright." River sat on the bed with him, letting him crawl around.

He and Tiber explored the bed, investigating pillows and creases in the blankets. River smiled as she watched them, eventually pulling the baby into her arms and under the blankets for a nap.

Arthur squirmed, wanting to move more.

"No, we're napping now." River tried to get him to fall asleep.

"Rah." He insisted, kicking his legs.

She sighed, "Alright, fine, no nap." She stood, carrying him out of the room, going to find the Doctor.


	42. Words Enough to Say

**Ch 42**

The water from the shower was running and the door to the bathroom closed, indicating that was where the Doctor was. River decided to wait for him, sitting near the bathroom door, playing with a puzzle with Arthur.

The boy was delighted in the game, clapping and squealing periodically. The Doctor eventually emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. River's eyes remained on his face, not wandering as they usually would have at the sight of him in a towel.

He blinked at her, surprised to see her waiting there. "Did you... need to shower, too?"

"No." She whispered, "I wanted to talk."

"Oh." He wiped the wet hair from his eyes.

Her eyes looked tired and sad, her face not expressing much different, "I'm sorry."

He blinked some more as he registered the words. "You're sorry?" He thought he was the one supposed to be apologizing to her.

"I'm sorry that this is happening now." She nodded.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Me, too." He wouldn't have liked for it to have happened at all, but the timing was pointing him towards the hypothesis Vastra had reached. "

We...should tell the girls." She whispered.

"I don't- Not yet. Eventually, but I think it's too soon." Telling the girls, to him, made it that much more real. That much of a solid, one-way path leading River away from them.

River sighed, hating that this was happening, wishing he would find a way to convince her to stay with him. "We can't hide it for too long."

"It's not- I really don't think, i-it's only..." He snapped his mouth shut and took a breath to stop his stupid bubbling and make full sentences. "I think that right now neither of us are on solid ground, let alone common ground... we ought to find that first."

"And how do you propose we do that?" She asked.

"Um, more talking." He rubbed the back of his neck. "We need to communicate, really properly communicate with each other. The misunderstandings are probably more irritating for you that they are for me..." He coughed. "We're, uh, we're pulling at each other in opposite directions. There needs to be more leeway, more compromise... communication." He repeated.

She nodded slowly, looking down at the baby.

"Do you need me to take him?" He asked, wondering if she wanted a little time to herself.

She shook her head, "No, we're fine."

"He's been alright then?"

She nodded, "Yeah."

He shifted his feet for a moment. "I'm going to go get dressed."

She nodded slowly, "Okay."

"I'm going to make some tea after. Do you want some?"

"Sure." She went back to playing with Arthur. The Doctor went off to change.

Arthur took one of his puzzle blocks and tried to jam it into the wrong shaped cut-out hole.

"Close, but not quite." River murmured. He tried again, though didn't try a different hole. River laughed softly, "Try another one, my love."

He huffed, the action looking a bit like he was deflating. He followed her instruction with no less force into the correct hole, but accidentally crushed his own finger and started wailing.

"Oh! Arthur." River immediately scooped him up, wrapping her arms around him and going to inspect his finger, "It's alright. You're alright." She kissed the small finger, holding him closely. The skin was starting to bruise and Arthur was no less distressed by it, even with her affection. "How about we get some ice for you." She murmured, a bit concerned by the bruising.

She brought him to the kitchen, continuing to kiss his finger and his head in comfort.

The Doctor came down shortly, looking concerned at the wailing tot. "What happened?"

"He crushed his finger when he put a puzzle piece in," River informed, concentrated on getting the baby's tears to stop.

"Have you gotten ice?" He stepped closer, looking at Arthur.

She nodded, "He doesn't like it. It's too cold for him."

"Let me try something." He went and fetched a paper towel, running it under cold water and wringing it out. "Here. Try this instead."

She wrapped the cool towel around Arthur's bruised finger, brushing tears from his cheeks. The boy choked on a few more sobs, nuzzling into her shirt and starting to calm a little.

"Oh, thank goodness." River whispered, kissing the top of his head, "Thank you."

The Doctor gave a small smile. "Poor thing probably got a little too excited with his toys."

She nodded, "I guess so." She gave Arthur another kiss on the forehead, rubbing his back.

He whimpered, soft light starting to emit from beneath the paper towel. River stared at the light, hearts stopping, "No, Arthur, no, don't do that!"

He blinked up at her, the light fading as soon she said so. He'd stopped crying, though, only sniffling from his previous tears.

River couldn't find her words. She had never watched one of her children do that, and even though Arthur had only been doing it to heal his finger, not because he was dying, the sight still pulled at her heart.

"I... think you can remove the towel now." The Doctor broke the silence, staring as well.

She swallowed, still not moving. He slowly took a step towards her, carefully unwrapping Arthur's finger, which now looked perfectly fine. Arthur promptly stuck the digit into his mouth.

River squeezed her eyes shut, holding him tighter. "Mnng." Arthur adjusted himself.

"Should I put the kettle on?" The Doctor offered.

"If you want." She murmured.

He set up the tea. "...You should sit." River nodded, sitting slowly. "He's alright now." The Doctor murmured. "Arthur's just fine." She nodded again, looking as if she'd hardly heard him.

Arthur blinked up at her, tears dried by this point. River sighed, head in her free hand. "Mah!" Arthur grabbed one of her curls.

"Arthur..." She sighed, removing the hair from his hand.

He pouted and the Doctor chuckled softly. "I remember when the girls went through that phase."

She hummed, not sounding as amused as he was.

Eventually, the water for the tea was ready and the man prepared two cups for them.

"I'll pick up the girls today." River murmured.

He nodded. Arthur tried to grab at River's cup of tea. "I'll watch Arthur then."

"Okay." She murmured, holding the cup out of the baby's reach.

There was another moment of quiet, filled with Arthur's efforts to make his arms stretch towards the cup.

"So, um, I was thinking about Arthur's birthday."

"Oh?" River turned her head slightly to indicate she was listening.

"The girls want to have a little party for him, I think we should take him out to that flower garden on Vaetir, too."

"That would be nice." She nodded, "He'll like that."

"Maybe, maybe we could get Clara to watch the girls and we could bring him there."

"You don't want to take the girls?"

He shrugged and looked at a spot on the table. "I just thought Arthur could get overwhelmed, and we always do two things with the girls so we should with him. It's his special day, you know? It'll be easier to focus on him."

"Oh..." She murmured, "Well, if that's what you want to do."

"I- that's why I'm asking you. You've got half the say."

"Well, it's a nice idea, but I'm worried about how the girls will feel about it." She sighed, "We took Arthur when we went out for their birthday, and with Terra coming… I worry that they'll feel less and less important if we don't include them."

"Alright, that's a good point. Let's bring them, then."

"Do you mean that or are you just saying it to make me happy because lying isn't going to make any of this better."

He looked at her, wondering how she'd react if he had been the one to say that to her. "I'm saying it because I think you're right, River."

She relaxed a bit. "Oh..."

"Foowah!" Arthur declared, having given up reaching for the tea.

"Shhh." River hushed him.

"He's just saying that he's excited about the flowers." The Doctor informed her.

River resisted glaring at him. "Arthur do you want Mummy to take you to the playground?" He waved his arms excitedly and made an approving noise. "Alright." She smiled, kissing his temple, "Let's go then."

"Do you want company?" He offered.

"If you want." She shrugged.

"We'll bring Toby." He added. She nodded, going to get Arthur's stroller.

Soon enough, the three and the dog were all on their way to the playground. River was quiet for most of the walk, not looking at the Doctor. Toby and Arthur were absolutely delighted, neither able to keep very still.

When they got there, Arthur was set in the sandbox, Toby digging beside him. River sat with the two, making sure Toby didn't fling any sand into Arthur's face. The Doctor also sat watching the three, offering Arthur a small plastic trowel.

Arthur soon decided that he wanted to bury Toby in the sand, trying to pile it up on top of the dog. The Doctor chuckled as Toby sat obediently, accepting the sand shower with a wagging tail.

Arthur giggled as the dog's feet began to disappear beneath a mound of sand. The dog leaned over and licked his cheek. River sucked in a breath, putting a hand to her side.

"You alright?" The Doctor asked.

"Fine." She muttered.

"She kicking?" He tried. She nodded, removing the hand.

"Ama?" Arthur looked up at River. "Yaya?"

"They're at school, love."

Arthur looked concentrated, trying to figure out what that was. Giving up, he asked for them again.

"They'll be here soon." She assured.

He accepted this answer, reaching for her. "Up!" River scooped him up, nuzzling his cheek. He made a gleeful sound and Toby stood to sniff at him.

Arthur kicked his feet, accidentally kicking the dog in the process. "Oh, Arthur! Careful!" River reached out to pat the dog's head in comfort.

"I don't think a one-year-old can do terribly much damage to him." The Doctor glanced between the two.

"Well, he still hurt him." River murmured, "I don't think it's very pleasant to get a kick in the face."

"No, I suppose not." He nodded.

River scratched behind Toby's ears, then brought Arthur over to the swings. Arthur kicked wildly once in the baby swing, his attempts to get it moving. River stood behind him, pushing the swing gently. Toby ran back and forth under the swing in time with it, chasing Arthur's feet.

They played until it was time to get the girls. River put Arthur back in the stroller, heading for the school. The Doctor split up and took Toby home.

Arthur was delighted to see his sisters, though the other parents stared rather disdainfully at River, suspicious of her return. River tried to ignore the stares that only made her feel worse.

When the Doctor got back to the flat, the phone was ringing. He let Toby off his leash, dodging around him to get to the kitchen phone. "Hello?"

"Oh, good. Hello, Doctor." Vastra was on the other line.

"Vastra." He shooed the dog off so he could give her is attention. "What can I help you with?"

"I wanted to talk to you about River if you don't mind."

"Um, yeah. That's fine, I guess." He agreed.

"Well, I'm rather concerned for her health."

"Oh?" He immediately sounded more concerned.

"Well, she hasn't had a stress free moment this entire pregnancy. I just fear for the health effects that all the stress she has been feeling."

He nodded. "I should have noticed." He didn't know how to make it less stressful, though. His mere presence around River seemed to make her uncomfortable. "Do you suggest anything?"

Vastra sighed, "I can't say I have any suggestions." She murmured, "I just wanted to make sure you were aware."

"Thank you. Maybe I'll try a spa thing? I don't think she wants to really sit and not do much, but it might be worth a shot."

"Of course." She agreed.

"Alright." He sighed worriedly. "We'll see how that goes. I don't know how much I can promise since we're sort of... well I don't know what we are but I can see it isn't stress-free. Thanks for calling."

"Don't mention it." Vastra murmured, bidding him goodbye and hanging up.

He sighed and put the phone back on the receiver, standing there for a moment as he thought about all the things he ought to do. (Or wished he could do). Eventually, he went to the TARDIS and dematerialized from the house.


	43. Undone

**Ch 43**

River came home with the girls and Arthur not long after the Doctor had left, getting them settled with snacks.

"Where's Daddy?" Amelia asked.

River frowned, looking around, "I...don't know..."

"Maybe he went to get something." She guessed, eyes focusing on her snack.

"Maybe." She tried to smile.

"Bah." Arthur added, not actually sure what they were chatting about, but wanting some attention.

"Hello, my most handsome baby." River cooed, the sight of her son cheering her up a bit. The boy grinned at her praise.

The TARDIS materialized about ten minutes later, the Doctor fumbling out with arms full of things.

The girls scrambled out of their chairs, running to hug the Doctor's legs, "Daddy!"

He wobbled. "Hang on girls, let me put this down first."

"What is all that stuff?" Amelia asked, letting go. River stood in the doorway, with Arthur in her arms.

"It's uh..." He plopped it all down on the kitchen table. "Well some of it was suppose to be treats for you girls and Mummy and Arthur," He paused and looked at the plates of snacks. "But it looks like Mummy already took care of that... Well, I guess it could be saved for later." That last bit was said to himself. "I thought I would land earlier."

The girls peered onto the table trying to reach for the goodies the Doctor had brought back.

"Or you can eat them now. That's fine, too." He spotted River. "Do you want any? It's from your favorite pastry shop."

"Oh..." She seemed surprised, sitting down in one of the empty chairs, "Alright..."

He took one of the boxes the girls weren't digging in and offered it to her. "There's a bit of everything since I didn't know what you were in the mood for."

"You didn't have to do this." She murmured, opening the box and carefully examining each pastry until she found her favorite one.

"You skipped lunch." He said, fiddling his thumbs. "I wanted to."

"Thank you." She almost smiled, eating the treat.

"Nuh." Arthur reached for the box. River reached inside, breaking apart a small raspberry pastry for him. He eagerly shoved a piece into his mouth. River kissed the boy's head, smiling weakly.

"I'm going to go put this stuff away." The Doctor murmured, picking up the boxes that didn't have food in them.

"What is that stuff?" Freya asked.

"Some of it's a surprise for your brother." He answered.

"And what's the rest of it?" Amelia questioned

"That one is a new mirror." He pointed. "And that one is flower bulbs for the garden."

"Can we plant them now?" They asked excitedly.

"Yeah, sure." He nodded, glad that she hadn't asked about the rest. "Just let me put all this upstairs."

Freya stood on one of the chairs, grabbing one of the boxes they had forgotten to ask about, thinking it was bulbs and opening it. Immediately a wispy blue fabric sprung up, the box no longer it holding back. "What's this?" She asked, starting to pull the fabric out of the box.

"No, Freya!" The Doctor panicked, realizing she'd opened the box. "Don't touch that."

"Why not? What is it?" She asked again, though she let go of the fabric.

"Well, it was supposed to be a surprise for Mummy." He sighed, tucking it back into the box.

River looked up at him in surprise, then back down at the box.

He handed them the box that did contain the flower bulbs. "I'll meet you girls in the yard." They took the box, running out to the yard, chattering about what flowers the bulbs might be.

He gathered the rest of the things up in his arms. "Do you, uh, want to plant with us? Or nap with Arthur, maybe?" He asked River.

"I...think I'll nap with Arthur." She whispered, eyes fixed on the box for another minute.

He nodded. "Okay. We'll be in the garden." He went to go put the things upstairs and fetch some garden tools.

River brought Arthur over to the sofa, going to take a nap with him there. He was worn out from the park all day, finding sleep easy. She nuzzled his head, falling asleep quickly herself.

Arthur's very loud giggling was probably a factor in waking River some time later. River groaned, eyes opening slowly.

The girls were in front of Arthur, hands and knees covered in dirt. He was laughing at them as they were showing him words in sign language, thinking it was a puppet shot of some sort.

River tensed as soon as she saw the girls doing sign language, "Why don't you go wash your hands." She murmured.

"But Arthur likes it. We're not done." Amelia insisted, grinning.

"Please, girls. I don't want you getting dirt all over the house." She whispered.

"Okay." They gave in at that, going off to wash their hands. Arthur pouted, wanting the funny hand shapes to continue. River stood going to find the Doctor, taking Arthur with her. The baby fussed some as River walked.

The Doctor was in the kitchen, looking like he was starting to prepare dinner.

"I can do that if you'd like." She offered.

"Nah." He shook his head. "I got it."

"Alright." She nodded slowly.

"How was your nap?" He asked.

"Good." She murmured, sitting down and rubbing her back. "Were the girls good?"

"Oh, yeah. They were great." He smiled over his shoulder. "Are you in the mood for chicken?"

"Oh, well, I'm not very hungry, actually, but I'm sure the girls would love it."

He frowned slightly. "Are you still full from the pastries?"

"...Yes." She nodded, though she had only eaten a small little pastry.

"Well... I'll set some aside for you in case you get hungry later." He decided, concerned at how little she'd eaten today.

"I'm going to go give Arthur a bath."

"Alright. Join us for dinner after?" He asked hopefully.

"Sure." She headed up the stairs to wash Arthur.

Arthur wasn't too keen on having a bath, making it difficult to get him to cooperate. River grew more and more frustrated to the point where she gave up, forehead pressed against the edge of the tub while Arthur splashed around in the shallow water with what was supposed to be his towel.

Arthur was pleased to soak his towel, practicing the names of his sisters. Terra was still. River's shoulder's shook as she leaned against the tub, so tired of the terrible terrible week she was having.

"Muh-mah?" Arthur prodded her arm curiously. She didn't answer, sniffling quietly. "Muuh!" He tried again a bit louder, recognizing her crying as a bad thing.

She took a deep breath, pulling herself together and drying her eyes, "What is it, my love?"

"Nad." He offered her the soaked towel, thinking it would act as some sort of consolation.

River took the towel, placing it off to the side, "Thank you. Time to get out now?" He gave a confirming splash. She turned to get a new, dry towel, scooping him up at drying off his little body. He squirmed minimally this time, this usually being the bit that didn't bother him so much.

Once Arthur was all dressed, River brought him downstairs to sit with the rest of their family for dinner.

The girls were very chatty about flowers, deciding the fairies all wore petals for their dresses. Arthur watched them, hoping for more hand tricks. River watched the table silently, half listening to the girls' conversation as they talked.

"Mummy, can we pick the flowers when they grow?" Freya asked.

"If that's what you want to do." She nodded. Usually, she would have said no, but she wasn't really paying attention.

"We can make flower crowns!" She said excitedly. "We hafta start planting in the front yard, too."

"Maybe another day." River nodded again.

"Can we tomorrow? Please?" She begged.

"We'll see."

"I can go pick up more bulbs tomorrow." The Doctor offered. River stopped answering, eyes seeming to glass over.

The kids didn't notice, and though the Doctor did, he didn't comment on it in front of them. "Are you girls done?"

They nodded, "Can we watch a movie before bed?"

He looked at the clock. "Only if it's short."

They nodded, bringing their plates to the sink and going to pick out a movie.

Arthur started fussing again, the Doctor watching him closely. River touched the baby's head as if that would get him to stop fussing.

"Do you want me to put him to bed?" The Doctor asked.

"Sure." She nodded. He stood and gently scooped Arthur out of her arms. "Goodnight, sweetheart." She murmured to the baby, kissing his head as he was lifted up. He babbled back to her as the Doctor took him upstairs.

River helped the girls put in their movie and then went to sit in the kitchen again. The Doctor came down with the baby monitor in hand, pausing in the kitchen doorway. "River?"

"Hmm?"

"Um, you alright?" He urged himself to go sit at the table with her.

"I'm fine." She whispered.

He knew that was a lie, but didn't push it yet. "Arthur's asleep." He murmured. "And I left the box on the bed for you."

She nodded, "What's in it?"

"You don't want a surprise?"

"I-" She sighed, "Why are you doing this?"

"Why am I... Giving you a gift?" He clarified.

She nodded.

"Because, well... It's not to apologize if you think I'm trying to get you to forgive me. I mean it is and I am, and that would be fine if you did but that's not what it's for. It's because, well, I just wanted you to be able to feel good about something, I mean, have something that isn't a stress factor since you have many more than is good for you." He stared at the table, thinking he'd fumbled that explanation.

"Oh..." She murmured, her reaction similar to what it had been earlier, "Shall...shall I go open the box then?"

"You can whenever you want to." He murmured.

"I guess I'll go do it now..." She stood slowly, touching his arm as she passed, "Thank you." She looked like she wanted to say more, but didn't.

He looked up at her and smiled, more hopeful than he was a second ago. "Welcome."

She headed up the stairs, to their room, sitting down on the bed next to the box and opening it slowly. The blue fabric once again sprung from the box, up close it was clearly one of many layers. River slowly pulled the fabric out, curious as to what it was. The layers of fabric worked beautifully together, all rich shades of blue. The bust of the material gave away that it was a dress.

She sighed as she looked over the dress. It was beautiful and under any other circumstances she would have loved it, but now, the sight just made her sad. It reminded her of all the other times the Doctor had given her a beautiful dress and then whisked her off on some fancy date. It made her feel like she was making all the wrong choices now.

Carefully, she set the dress back in the box and lay down on the bed where she could break down without interruption. What she had missed were two small slips of paper tucked into the folds of the dress: all-day passes to her favorite spa, that now lay on the floor. River eventually fell asleep, still not seeing the passes.

The Doctor crept in after putting the girls to bed and checking on Arthur. He wasn't going to stay but wanted to check on River and see if she approved of the gifts. She stirred and woke when he walked in, immediately wiping at her cheeks to get rid of the tear tracks that still stained them.

"River?" He asked softly, not able to see if she awake in the dark.

"Yeah?" She murmured, reaching over and turning on the lamp on the nightstand.

He looked at her with a small smile. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's alright." She shook her head, struggling to sit up. "The dress is beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it." He murmured. "The kids are in bed. I just wanted to check on you. I was wondering if you decided on who to bring?"

Her brow furrowed, "What do you mean? Bring where?"

He was under the impression she'd seen the tickets. "With you tomorrow. Well, it doesn't have to me tomorrow if you don't want. I just didn't want you to think you had to bring me, you can bring Vastra or someone. You don't actually have to use the second one, I got two just in case you wanted company."

"Sw-" She stopped herself before she could use the pet name, "Doctor, I don't know what you're talking about."

"The tickets." He frowned slightly.

"What tickets?" She raised an eyebrow.

"The spa passes. Did I not put them in there? I swear I put them in there." He took a step forward, accidentally stepping on them. He looked down at the crinkle. "Oh."

"Oh..." She looked down to where his foot had stepped, "They must have fallen when I picked up the dress." He picked them up, dusted them off, and offered them to her. "Thank you." She murmured, her eyes lighting up as she looked them over.

"Like I said, you don't have to use the second one. It was just in case."

"Well, I don't want it to go to waste." She murmured, "And I do owe Clara for helping me."

"We can call in the morning." He suggested.

She nodded, "Thank you again."

"No problem. I'll, uh, I'll let you sleep now." He turned to go.

"Wait!"

He stopped and turned back to her. "Yeah?"

"I-" She stopped, changing her mind on what she was going to say, "Terra hasn't moved in a couple of hours. Could you do a scan for me? I would just do it myself, but you're always better at it than I am."

"Corse." He nodded. "I'll go get the scanner."

She nodded slowly, "Thanks."

He smiled weakly and went to go fetch it.

Toby was on the bed when he got back, his head resting on River's belly. The Doctor entered cautiously, going to the side of the bed. "Alright, give this a second." He murmured, programming the scanner. She nodded, watching him carefully.

He placed it against her belly as it possessed. "Is she usually this still?"

"Not really. She's been still before but not for this long."

He nodded. The scanner beeped and he looked through the results.

"What does it say?"

"It doesn't look like anything's wrong." He replied. "She's alright."

"Good." River placed a hand on her side, "I guess she's just resting then."

"A bit long to rest." He murmured. "But I guess so."

"Or maybe she's just cross with me..." She squeezed her eyes shut sighing, "She's been missing you."

"Oh." He blinked at her. "I didn't think she could hold much of a grudge."

"I don't know why she's not moving then." She was growing more and more upset, struggling to hide it, "Maybe...you could try just...putting your hand here..." She pointed to where the girl was resting.

"Alright." He nodded and carefully placed his palm over the spot. It was the first time he'd she'd allowed him to do so in a long while.

River's body immediately went ridged and she closed her eyes, biting her lip to stop it from shaking.

"If you don't want me to, River..." The Doctor worried at her expression.

"No, sorry it's fine." She whispered, her voice trembled. She opened her eyes, though she avoided looking at him.

Terra nudged ever so slightly against the Doctor, barely enough for either of them to feel. River stopped breathing, staring at a spot on the wall.

He pulled his hand away, hating how uneasy it was making her. "I'll let you sleep."

She stared at him, searching his face with eyes that were fighting to hide her sadness, "Will things ever be better?"

He didn't hide from her gaze. "With Terra. or... us?"

"Both."

"I can't promise anything about the future, but I'm not ever going give up on either." He replied.

"I miss you." She stared at him, wishing that they could, at the very least, just hold on another again.

He slowly reached for her hand. "I miss you, too. More than I would ever wish on someone else." He could feel his eyes start to sting.

She let him take her hand, gripping his as tight as she could, "I want everything to be okay again, but..." She choked on a small sob, "I'm afraid..."

"Afraid of what?" He urged gently.

"Of everything." She tried to wipe at her eyes.

"River..." He held her hand between both of his. "The universe has never been fair to use for very long... and we've faced a lot of things, more than a lifetime's worth of things gone wrong. But we survived through those and we did it together. I'm afraid too... I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of our family falling apart. I don't want any of that to happen, and I don't want to be the kind of person you have to push away. I'm saying that this fear... it's not irrational. It's not worth drowning in, and it doesn't have to be faced alone."

She shook her head, "But I'm tired of being pushed to places where I'm completely uncomfortable. I'm tired of always feeling like the bad guy." She sighed, "And I'm afraid that if I stay with you, no matter how much you say those things will change, they never really will."

He stared down at their hands. "I never meant to-... I'm still going to try. I even if you don't think I am or it takes you time to see it, I'm going to try my hardest to not make you feel that way. Neither of us can fix anything overnight though so I can't promise this will be better tomorrow. Let's... Take this one day at a time."

"I just need to know I'm not making a mistake." She breathed.

"I can't tell you what's right and wrong and as much as I wish I could, I can't promise I won't make mistakes. I can promise that I'll always try to fix them, though." He sighed.

She sighed as well, "I know you will."

"I'll, uh, I'll let you sleep now." He stood quietly.

She nodded slowly, "Goodnight."

"Night, River." He said back, going downstairs to sleep on the couch again.


	44. The Burden of Hearts

**Ch 44**

River's sleep was restless, though when she finally did fall asleep, she stayed out long into the next day, not waking until noon. Tiber had curled up right to her face, his snores purr-like.

"Morning..." She murmured to the cat, stroking his back gently. He lifted his head and looked at her, blinking lazily.

Sun spilled onto the bed from the window, the cause of Tiber lying so close to River's face. River blinked, shielding her eyes from the sun. Slowly she stood and headed down the stairs. Tiber stayed on the bed to enjoy his sun spot but the other two cats caught up with River in the hall and followed her down.

Arthur's giggling came from the living room as well as light from the telly. River wandered into the living room, smiling when she saw the baby.

Some old recording of Sesame Street was playing, though Arthur was distracted by the Doctor and the dog. The former had a baggie of Cheerios and kept placing them on Toby's head. The dog would waste no time trying to get the cereal piece off his head and into his mouth. Arthur tried to help, but most of the Cheerios he tried to put on Toby ended up in his mouth much faster, though he was no less entertained.

River leaned against the door as she watched them, smiling at Arthur's giggles. Samantha rubbed against her leg, emitting a small noise before scurrying over to Toby.

River moved to sit beside Arthur, wincing a bit as she sat. The Doctor smiled softly at her. "There's breakfast for you in the kitchen, though it's probably a bit cold."

"I'm alright." She kissed Arthur's head.

"You're not hungry?" He looked a bit worried at that.

"Not terribly." She shrugged.

"Oh." He murmured. Arthur squealed as Toby licked his whole hand.

"What have you two been doing?"

"I showed Arthur the garden after we brought the girls to school and he insisted we watch this when we came inside, though you can see where that went." He told her. She nodded, patting Toby's head. "I talked to Clara about the spa, and she said you can go to Sunday to pick her up."

"Alright." She closed her eyes.

"Is that something you want to do today?" He asked.

"I think I'll just wait until Sunday comes on its own." She shook her head.

"Alright." He nodded. "Sleep okay?"

"Yes, but it took me a while to fall asleep last night."

He hummed sympathetically. "I guess that's why you slept so late." She nodded, rubbing at the aching muscles on her back. He looked at her carefully. "You alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. My back's a bit sore, that's all."

"Do you want a massage?" He offered.

"I..." She hesitated, "Alright."

He scooted over to her. "Lower back or higher?"

"Higher." She murmured.

He nodded and started to give her a massage. Her muscles were tight and knotted beneath his hands. He didn't comment on it, working on each knot as best he could. She relaxed as the knots began to loosen, closing her eyes and relaxing a bit.

Arthur and Toby finished off the Cheerios, the boy tugging on River's clothes to demand more.

"No, no more my can't just eat Cheerios all day."

He pouted "Eeewos."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, Mumma doesn't have anymore." She shook her head. He whined and plopped his head down on her knee. She smiled at him, and tapped his nose, "I'm sorry to say pouting isn't going to make Cheerios magically appear in my hands."

He didn't look like he believed her, blinking up at her with puppy-dog eyes close to his sisters'. River laughed, kissing his forehead, "Maybe if you give Mumma a nice kiss on the cheek, I'll go get some more for you."

He reached up for her, less crabbily than before. She leaned down so he could reach her face. He very sloppily smooched her cheek, the Doctor chuckling. River' smile grew and she looked happier than she had in days, "Alright, I'll go get you more now."

"I can do it." The Doctor offered. "You look awfully comfortable."

She hummed, pulling the baby into her lap. He got up to go get more snacks from the kitchen. Arthur was grinning again, happy in his mum's arms.

River was playing her favorite game with Arthur when the Doctor returned, tickling and kissing him all over until he was breathless with laughter. The man smiled at his wife, thinking he hadn't seen her smiling so genuinely in a while.

He sat back with them, putting down the plate of snacks. He'd brought back apple and cheese slices along with the cheerios. Samantha was immediately curious.

River took some of the Cheerios, giving them to Arthur, "Can you say 'thank you, Daddy?'"

"Saaa-coo Da!" He shoved a handful in his mouth. River laughed softly, nuzzling his cheek.

"That almost sounded like a full sentence." The Doctor prided.

"Almost." River smiled, "He's getting so good a speaking."

"Not too far behind where the girls were at his age." He added, picking up an apple slice. "Arthur, can you say apple?"

"Appa!" He reached for the slice the Doctor had picked up.

He let the boy have it. "Well, there's a good start."

"Appa," Arthur grinned again, chomping on the apple slice.

"Forgetting an 'L' there, lovie." The Doctor informed. Arthur pouted, not liking that he was wrong. "App-EL." The Doctor emphasized the 'L', trying to show him how to do it.

"Appa?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Good enough for today."

"Appa! Appa!" Arthur sang, bouncing in River's lap. Samantha ran behind Toby, not liking the loud toddler.

River beamed, nuzzling his cheek. Arthur was momentarily distracted by River, squirming. "Mummah!"

"What is it, my love?" She asked.

"Up!" He insisted.

River lifted him so he was standing on her lap, kissing his cheek. "How about we start practicing walking?"

He concentrated on his feet, trying not to wobble and topple over. He clung to her for balance. She lifted him again and put him on the ground, holding his upper body so he was still supported.

"Aah... Muh." He babbled, sounding unsure of his new position.

"Don't worry, I've got you." She assured.

He failed his arms as he tried to balance himself, staring at his parents. River slowly began to encourage him to move his feet forward. Arthur whimpered, dependent on River's hands to hold him up.

"It's okay!" River smiled, having no intentions of letting him go. He nervously wiggled his foot forwards, more of a slide than a step. "Good job!" She praised. He looked from her to his foot, hoping he was done now. "Can you do one more?" She asked.

Arthur frowned stubbornly. "No."

"Please? For mummy?" He looked skeptically at his feet, starting to move the other one. "Good boy." River smiled, giving him a kiss and letting him up off of his feet once more, holding his in her lap.

"I've been meaning to get out the girls' old walker thingy." The Doctor said absentmindedly.

She hummed, "Do you want to hold him?" He nodded. She passed Arthur off to him.

"Do you have thoughts about the afternoon?" He asked, cooing at his son.

River shrugged, "...What did you tell the other parents at the girls' school?" She asked after a moment.

"About what?" He drew his attention up at her.

"About my not being here?" She was remembering all of the looks she had gotten when she had gone to pick up the girls the day before.

"I said that you had an emergency on your side of the family you had to attend to." He said. "...Why?'

"They were all...giving me nasty looks yesterday." She murmured, sighing and rubbing her temples, obviously getting stressed.

"That odd... I can ask about it if you want." He offered.

"I-" She sighed, "It doesn't matter." She lied.

"Course it matters." He replied.

"If you want to ask them, you can." She murmured.

He sighed, just wanting a yes or no from her. "Do you want to come with me to pick the girls up later?"

"Not really." She shook her head. She looked up at him, feeling as though he was cross with her.

"Alright." He nodded. "Do you want to watch Sesame Street with us?"

"Okay." She whispered.

The three of them settled back on the couch, Toby trying to climb up, too. River's mood seemed to have shifted. She was quiet and distant once again. The Doctor placed Arthur between them, the boy favoring his mother to snuggle against. She held him close as they watched the show, Arthur sometimes trying to talk to the characters on the screen.

At one point, Toby jumped off the couch and tried to eat the plate of snacks left on the ground. The Doctor stopped him and brought the plate to the kitchen.

River fell asleep again, which was unlike her. Even when pregnant, she wasn't usually this tired. The Doctor wasn't in a rush to wake her, not thinking much of it. He got her a blanket and scooped Arthur up, turning off the TV.

"Looks like it's just you and me little man."

"Yee a me!" He repeated.

"Not too loud, dearie, we don't want to wake Mummy."

"Mummah?" He looked around, trying to see River.

"Right there." The Doctor pointed back to the couch where he'd tucked River in.

"Seepy?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah." He nodded. He had a few hunches about her tiredness but said none out loud.

"Seepy?" The boy said in a tone asking why.

His father shrugged. "Well... sometimes if you have a lot going on in your head it can make you tired."

Arthur didn't really understand what he was saying, soon getting distracted by Toby. "Oi, I'm not feeding you." The Doctor said to the dog. "You got fed this morning."

Toby barked, pawing at his legs. "Hush, you'll wake River."

He didn't listen, wanting food.

"Toby..." He warned, heading to the kitchen.

The dog finally stopped, eagerly trailing behind his master. The Doctor went right for the door to the yard, urging Toby out. The dog whimpered, barking again.

"Hush." He pointed to the door. "Out."

Toby slowly walked out the door, tail between his legs. The Doctor sighed looking at Arthur. "Do you want to go outside again?"

He shook his head, "Sessy Seet!" He cried, wanting to watch the show again.

"Arthur, Mummy's sleeping in the living room right now, so we can't wake her with TV." He reminded gently.

He pouted. The Doctor was not so immune to the look. "How about we see it the TARDIS will play it for you, yeah?"

"Noooooo." He whined.

"What's bad about the TARDIS?" The Doctor asked.

"No mumma."

"Well, you can have either or, little man. Either cuddle with Mummy or watch TV in the TARDIS."

"Mumma en Da!"

"Not both, lovie." He reminded. "Pick."

"Mmmmmm...toad-y!" He pointed to the dog who was moping at the back door. The Doctor looked over at the dog and stepped into the backyard, sitting next to Toby.

"Puppy!"

Toby sniffed at Arthur, momentarily distracted.

The Doctor smiled. "Very good, Arthur."

"Puppy!" He cheered again, reaching to hug the dog. Toby tried not to move as the little person clung to him, rapidly moving about his tail. "Pay Puppy!" Arthur commanded, wanting to play with the dog.

The Doctor dug around in his pocket until he found a tennis ball and offered it to the boy. "Throw this and he'll play fetch."

Arthur took the ball, throwing it right at the dog's face, not realizing he was supposed to throw it away from him. Toby jumped and make a yowling whimper, moving away from Arthur.

"Puppy?" Arthur frowned, looking up at the Doctor.

The Doctor picked up the tennis ball again and tutted softly at his son. "Fetch is throwing the ball as far as you can, then the dog going to get the ball. Look." He threw the tennis ball to the other side of the yard.

Toby hesitated, trying to decide if it was safe to get the ball. After a moment, he ran after it, picking up the ball and bringing it back. "See?" The Doctor grinned at Arthur. "Try that."

"Fow!" Arthur threw the ball as hard as he could. It didn't go very far, but Toby still chased it. He trotted back and delivered a slobbered covered ball to Arthur.

Arthur stared at the slimy ball, deciding that if the dog liked to carry it in his mouth, maybe he would too. He took the ball, immediately trying to stick it in his mouth.

"Oi." The Doctor stopped him. "This isn't for eating. No eating this." Arthur looked up at him, lip trembling. "The ball is for throwing." The Timelord reminded, Toby waiting restlessly to run again. "You'll get sick if you have it in your mouth."

Arthur started to cry anyway. It was around the time he usually went down for a nap and he was growing cranky.

The Doctor put the ball down and started rubbing his back. "Oh, Arthur, It's alright. What's wrong, lovie?" Arthur sniffed sticking his fist in his mouth in response.

He stood with the boy in his arms, going back inside and allowing Toby back in too. "How about a nap with Mummy, hmm?"

"Mummah..." He nodded.

"Alright." He said softly, still rubbing his back. He went to the living room and placed Arthur down in the little nook between River and the back of the couch.

"Mummmah?" Arthur reached up to tug one of her curls.

"She's asleep, Arthur." The Doctor sat on the edge of the couch, looking at the two.

River started to stir, eyes opening slightly at the noise. "Mummah!" Arthur said more delightedly.

"Hello, sweetie." River murmured, eyes opening a bit more. He pulled on her curls again, his expression gleeful. She winced, "No, no, Arthur. Don't do that."

He pouted, possessively refusing to let go. She tried to pry the hair out of his hands, frowning.

"Noo!" He cried.

"Can you please help me?" River looked at the Doctor, wincing as her hair was pulled more.

"Arthur," The Doctor leaned over and gently stroked the backs of his little fists. "You've got to let go of Mummy's hair." Arthur started to cry again, clinging to his mum. "You don't have to leave her, honey..." He sighed. "I think he just needs a nap."

She nodded, "I'll take him upstairs." She slowly sat up with the baby in her arms.

"I'm going to pick up the girls soon, are you still going to stay here?" He asked.

She sighed, "I suppose I can come, but Arthur has to come too then."

He hesitated. "I don't think he can handle much more, poor thing."

"Well, we can't leave him home alone." She murmured.

He shook his head. "Um, you don't have to- will you stay with him?"

"Of course." She nodded, rocking the baby slowly, "Are you going to...talk to the other parents?"

"Only if you want me to." He replied.

"Well, I don't have to know, but...I'm curious."

"Alright." He nodded. "I'll see what I can figure out."

"Thank you." She carried Arthur upstairs. The boy was still whimpering, not wanting to go in his cot since it meant letting go of River.

"Shhh, Shhh." She soothed, going to sit in the rocking chair instead of putting him in his cot. He calmed down slightly when he realized she wasn't going to put him down, snuggling and sniffling against her. River rocked back and forth with him until he fell asleep, humming soothingly.


	45. With Baited Breath

**Ch 45**

The Doctor took Toby along when he went to pick up the girls, going a little early so he could talk with some of the parents.

Toby seemed very anxious on this outing out, not wanting to sit still. The Doctor allowed himself to be dragged along by the dog.

Other parents were already there, waiting for the dismissal bell. Toby paced around the Doctor's legs when we went to talk to the other parents: Sitting, then standing and trying to walk back to their home, and then sitting again. The Doctor kept the leash loose so the dog could move around, but never let him too far.

"Hey, Gary." He tried to make conversation with one of the other adults who he was fairly well acquainted with.

"Hello, John." The man gave a polite nod.

"So, uh, how's everything?" He tried to strike up a conversation.

Gary shrugged, "Good. Jessica's parents are in town this week, so we've been entertaining them. How about you?"

"Well, River recently got back from her trip and we're working on getting the nursery ready." It wasn't entirely true, but he watched the other man's expression to see if mentioning River would prove anything.

His expression shifted, "Ah, that's great. I'm glad she's back." It was obvious the words were false.

The Doctor held back a glare. He was suddenly feeling much more protective of his family, but he had a thing to investigate so he only made note of it in his head. "Yeah, she's pretty jet lagged, poor dear, thought everyone was staring at her when she came to pick up the girls yesterday." He forced a chuckle.

The other man laughed uncomfortably, "Yeah, well..."

"Even if she weren't imagining it, I can't imagine the reason." He tried to sound as casual as he could, wishing he was actually friends with these people. It would have been much easier or at the very least less awkward.

Gary sighed, "Look, I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but there are a lot of parents here who...aren't too fond of your wife. They all love you, but they don't...they don't really care for River. I don't have a problem with her, but..." He scratched the back of his head in discomfort, "I'm not the person you should be talking to about this."

"You must hear the talk." He urged, knowing that Gary probably did have a problem with her and was trying to pass the blame. "I don't bite."

"John...I'd rather not talk about this.." He laughed uncomfortably.

The Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets. "Alright, I'm just playing you mate." He decided that human beings were about as useful and talkative as fruit flies for the time being. River had hardly interacted with these people and there were judging her for what, being a little different? He recalled the argument with Sasha's mum a while back but didn't think there was a connection. "Been a long day, know what I mean?"

He nodded, "Look if you really want to know, I'd talk to Monica, you know, Sasha's mum."

"I... don't think we're on the best of terms..." He hesitated, having been trying to avoid that.

"Well, she kinda started...everything. And she really doesn't seem to have a problem with you, she's actually on your side."

 _Side? There're no sides. What kind of self-respecting adult starts rumors?_ The Doctor thought. He himself had pretty blurry lines for what was childish and what wasn't, but this was just immature, not to mention hurtful. Monica hadn't the faintest idea of who River was and what she'd been through. The Doctor found himself growing angry. "Have you seen her around?"

"I think she's over by the swings."

"Thanks. Um," He paused. "I know River can come off strong and whatever you think of her is your own business... but she's a really wonderful person once you get to know her." With that, he and Toby went towards the swings.

Monica was there, chatting away with a group of women, though the conversation halted when the Doctor came closer.

"Uh... hi." The Doctor managed a wave to the circle. He wasn't going to let his emotions control this, he was here for River.

"Hello, John. What a pleasure to see you." Monica, the obvious ringleader of this pack of immature parents, smirked.

"Can I talk to you?" He said seriously, not looking for banter.

"Of course." She stepped aside, leaving the circle of women to talk to him, "What do you want to talk about?"

"...River got back from her trip." He started, arms crossed. Toby sniffed at the woman, moving to sit behind the Doctor's legs.

"Yes, I saw." She sneered.

"Have you been talking about her?" He huffed.

She shrugged, "I can't say I haven't been. I think people need to know the truth about her."

"You think you know?" He didn't hide his glare so much now.

"I have enough information to piece things together. Besides, I feel sorry for you. She's not trustworthy, she's secretive, snippy, and what kind of respectable woman leaves her family for over a month, especially while she's expecting?"

"What kind of respectable woman spreads rumors about another?" The words slipped out before he could stop himself. In for a penny, in for a pound. "She's been through more than you could wrap your thick head around. And for the record, her father had gotten into a serious car accident and she needed to be there." That hadn't happened of course, but she ought to feel bad for her accusations.

Monica glared at him, though the last bit made her eyebrows raise, "Oh? Car accident? That's not the story your daughters have been telling. They said that she was on a work trip. So which is it, John, work trip or family emergency?"

"I told my daughters it was a work trip because River and I haven't figured out how to tell them their grandfather is dead." He uncrossed his arms, hands tense at his sides. "You've been making assumptions about my wife and I don't care what you tell yourself she's like, it is completely childish of you to go around and spread lies about her."

The woman, not having a comment to fire back just crossed her arms and walked away. The girls came out of school minutes later, bouncing around, happy to see their father. He gave them hugs and hurried them off the school grounds, not wanting to stick around.

River was waiting for them when they got home, already getting out the girls' after school snacks. Toby sat under the table while they snacked and told about their day.

"Is Arthur still asleep?" The Doctor asked River.

She nodded, "Yeah, he finally went down right before you got home." She sighed, sitting down in a chair rubbing her eye. She had only been up for an hour and she was already looking exhausted again.

"Did you eat yet?" He worried.

She nodded, "I had some fruit."

"Good." He smiled weakly. "You look tired."

She nodded, "I am rather tired."

"How come you don't kiss anymore?" Freya piped up, "You always give Mummy a kiss when you see her but you haven't been doin' it since she came home."

The Doctor blinked at the girl, surprised at her sudden comment. "I thought you didn't like when we kissed in front of you."

"I don't like it, but it's weird that you haven't kissed because you used to do it all the time." She made a face at the memory.

"Well, um, Mummy's been tried lately so... Uh..." He looked at River for help.

River opened her mouth to say something when Amelia interrupted, "Do you and Mummy not love each other anymore?"

"What, of course, we love each other!" The Doctor frowned. At least he still loved River all the same, though he wasn't completely sure that was mutual.

"So why don't you act like it anymore? You don't even sleep in the same bed." She pointed out. The girls obviously weren't as oblivious to their parents change in dynamic as they had originally thought.

He looked at River again, nervously fidgeting with his thumbs. She was staring at the floor, not knowing how to answer her daughter's questions.

"Look girls... Mummy and I had a fight and we're just working some things out right now." He sighed. "That doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore, we still do."

River nodded, "We'll always love each other." The Doctor smiled weakly at her.

"But then why can't you be like you were?" Amelia frowned.

River answered this one. "Well, sometimes, when Mummies and Daddies have fights, they don't want to kiss for a while, even if they love each other. It's like when you and Freya have a fight. You still love each other, but you don't want to share your toys with her for a little while, just like Mummy and Daddy don't want to...share things for a while."

"But how long is a while?" She fretted, having a feeling it would be longer than when she and her sister had fights.

River shook her head, "I don't know, sweetheart. But I promise it won't be forever."

Amelia didn't look very believing of that. "What'd you even fight about? You've never been like this before."

"We don't really want to talk about it, my love." She murmured, massaging her temple.

"But we could help!" Freya butted in. "Is... Is it our fault?"

"Of course not!" River assured, "But it's a private thing that we have to deal with on our own." She was tensing, growing more and more stressed.

The girls looked down at the remainder of their snack, only picking now.

"I'm going to go check on Arthur." River murmured, standing. The conversation had obviously upset her, but she didn't want her family to see.

They nodded, the Doctor cleaning up after the girls and urging them to do an activity. The girls went outside to play, soon forgetting about their talk. Toby joined them and the Doctor went upstairs to check on River.

She had gone to their room, sitting on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. He knocked on the doorframe. "Riv?"

"Yeah?" She lifted her head, looking up at him.

"I, um... Are you alright?" He asked stepping into the room.

She nodded, "Yes, I'm fine."

He didn't believe that but he didn't push. "Alright. I just want to see if you needed anything."

She nodded, "Thank you for checking on me."

"Is there anything I can do or get you?"

She shook her head, sitting in silence for moment. "You do know that I still love you, right?"

He nodded. Though he had doubted it before, the words were a great comfort. "Yes. And you know you're still my everything?"

She nodded slowly.

"The girls are playing in the yard, I think they're okay now."

"That's good." She whispered, standing and approaching him. He watched calmly, taking in her features.

She took his hand, examining it in hers. Her ring was still missing, though she hadn't looked to see if his was still there. He'd never taken his off, the metal band still sitting there, shiny and well taken care of.

Her fingers slowly slid along the metal. "I don't know where mine is..."

"Did you lose it?" He asked softly.

She sighed, "Yes… I didn't think I would ever wear it again."

His expression remained schooled. "And now you think differently?"

"I-" She hesitated, "I want to give you another chance. I want everything to be alright between us, but if things don't change..."

"They will. I will. I'm going to change, I'm going to do everything I can to be a better husband to you."

"I'm not saying that you specifically have to change, I'm just asking that you be more… conscious of me."

He nodded. "I will, I'm trying and I'm not going to stop trying." He assured. She nodded, eyes shifting to focus on his. He looked back at her, hope shimmering there but not quite reaching the rest of his face. "Thank you... For deciding to give me another chance."

She nodded again.

"Um, so I did ask around when I was picking up the girls... I'm afraid it isn't good news."

She sighed, closing her eyes, "I'd rather not hear it then."

"Alright." He agreed.

Arthur started whining from the other room. She looked up at him, watching his face as if expecting something more, and then turned to go get Arthur.

"Um, River?" He turned, hoping she hadn't left earshot yet.

"Yes?" She turned, looking back in his direction.

"Do you, I mean um, I can recreate your ring. If you want me to."

She closed her eyes, it hadn't been what she had hoped, "No, no I don't want you to do that."

He nodded. "Oh, alright."

She turned, going to get Arthur. The boy was whining in his crib, limbs flailing and reaching. "Hello there." River smiled softly, lifting the boy up and kissing his cheek. He grew less fussy, making sleepy noises at her. "Did you have a nice nap?"

"Nuh." He mumbled against her.

She kissed his temple. "What's wrong, my sweet?"

"Puppy." He frowned.

"Toby's downstairs, do you want to go see him?"

"Baw!" He remembered, still disappointed about not getting to do what he wanted with the tennis ball.

"Shhh. How about I put you down with some of your toys. I bet that will be loads of fun!"

He hesitated and made a bit of a huff. "Baw."

She set him on the floor, getting a ball for him, "There you go."

He grinned and immediately tried to chew on it, unable to actually fit it in his mouth. River sighed, going to lean against the doorframe, feeling quite sore.


	46. Down by the River

**Ch 46**

After a few minutes, Arthur decided that the ball didn't actually taste as good as Toby thought it did and looked up at River. "Up."

She lifted him with a groan, trying to hold him in a way that was more comfortable for her. "Come on, let's go downstairs."

"Mummm." He hummed, staring at her.

Her steps halted just as she reached the top of the stairs, putting a hand to her side and wincing.

Muh!" Arthur tried to get her attention. She ignored him, starting down the stairs. He whined at her the whole way down.

River set him down with the rest of his toys in the living room, sitting down on the couch, needing a rest. Arthur was anything but restful, banging his toys around loudly. She closed her eyes for a few minutes, her head starting to hurt.

The girls came into the room, faces pink from running around in the yard. "Mummy, what's for dinner?"

She opened her eyes, looking up at them, "Oh...Umm… What would you girls like to have tonight?"

"Can we order pizza? Pretty please?" Freya asked.

"Of course, we can." She nodded, too tired to argue or cook. She got up to get the phone, ordering pizza for their family.

"Can we have some of the goodies Daddy brought back? There's still leftovers." Amelia added when River got off the phone.

"After dinner, my love." She nodded, feeling another sharp pang in her side.

Amelia pouted but didn't protest, distracted. "Mummy, are you okay?"

"Yes, of course." She smiled, trying to hide the discomfort.

The girls looked unsure but shrugged. "Can we have cake at Arthur's birthday party?"

"Yes, I promise there'll be cake." River nodded, sinking back onto the couch.

"Chocolate cake?" Freya hoped.

River nodded again, "That's Arthur's favorite."

"And mine!" She grinned. "Me and Mia have been working on a super secret surprise present."

"Really? A super secret surprise present?" She smiled, "That' sounds very exciting." The girls nodded and scrambled up on the couch. "You two are such good big sisters."

"Daddy's been helping a little, but he's really going to like it!"

"Oh, really? Well, I'm very glad." She smiled weakly, "You two are very thoughtful."

"Are we going to go somewhere exciting?"

"Yes, but we haven't decided where yet." She nodded, "Now, why don't you two go wash up so you're nice and clean for dinner."

They reluctantly got off the couch and scurried off. River sighed, another but less painful than the last, pain came over her. She half wondered where the Doctor had gone off to. She hadn't seen him since she had gone to get Arthur and their little house wasn't big enough for him to really just disappear into it.

Toby wandered in and sat with Arthur who was delighted to be near him. "Puppy!" River sighed, laying down with a sigh, feeling a good amount of pressure on her lower back. She had one hand pressed against her back in an effort to ease the discomfort with counter pressure.

It was only a minute or two before the Doctor wandered in, behind the couch so River couldn't actually see him standing there.

"Da!" Arthur declared gleefully.

River looked at the baby, then up behind her. The Doctor smiled softly at her. "Hey."

"Hi." She whispered, giving him a weak smile back, "Where did you go?"

"I was just fiddling in the TARDIS." He murmured.

"Oh." She nodded, turning her face so he wouldn't see her wince again.

He rounded the couch, the wince not slipping by him. "Did you think I was doing something else?"

"No, what else would you have been doing?" She shrugged, "I was just wondering since I hadn't seen you."

He nodded and glanced at their son. "Arthur's woken up, did you hear the word he figured out today?"

"No? What word?" She asked, having not even realized he said a proper word earlier.

The Doctor pointed to Toby and Arthur grinned and cheered: "Puppy!"

Once again, River missed it, squeezing her eyes shut and moaning quietly. Her husband looked back wordily at her. "River, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine." She shook her head, "It's just her position... is not very ugh-comfortable."

He frowned, "What's she doing?"

"Her head is digging into my back and her back is pressed down against my pelvis." She opened her eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

"...Have you tried asking her to move?" He suggested.

"Yes, and she won't. She's been ignoring me."

He nodded, remembering her letting him that last night. "May I...?"

She sighed but nodded. He tentatively pressed his palm against their daughter who was very stubbornly wedged into her spot. He nudged very slightly, seeing if she'd respond.

Terra kicked happily but refused to move. She wedged herself further against River's hips, quite comfortable. He sighed sympathetically, taking his hand away. "I think the best I can offer is a back rub."

River shook her head, burying her face in a pillow.

"River?" He said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head, "No, not really."

"I can start dinner." He murmured.

She shook her head again, "I already ordered pizza for us. Just sit with me, please?" She looked up at him.

He nodded willingly and settled against the couch. She sighed, reaching out to take his hand, needing something to squeeze something to distract her from the ache.

He squeezed back softly. "Arthur's learning quite fast."

She nodded, her grip tightening as Terra shifted further, "We really need to start the nursery soon."

"Actually... that's partly what I was doing on the TARDIS." He said.

"What?" She frowned, "Without me?"

"I was only making sure the room existed, I didn't put anything in it. It's just an empty white room." He revised his earlier statement.

She relaxed a bit. "Oh, alright."

"We should do some planning, though." He tread carefully, making sure she was alright on the subject.

"There's a lot of pressure around my hips." She huffed, ignoring his statement.

"From her position?" She nodded. "What kind of pressure? River, do we need to go to the med bay?" He fretted.

"No, no, I just need you to figure out some way to alleviate the pressure because it hurts." She squeezed his hand again, though was much calmer than him. "Distract me, please."

"Okay, um, right. Distraction. What about Arthur's birthday? Have we figured out all the details of that?" He tried.

"No, no I don't want to talk about that."

"Okay. Uh... nursery plans?"

She shook her head, "You do the talking, something else, please."

"Alright." He thought for a good moment. "Can I tell you a story from when I was a boy on Gallifrey?"

She nodded "Okay."

"So, as you know, I skipped class more than I should have when I was a boy. I was only in my third year at the time and one of my friend's had told me to meet them out at the big tree outside the academy. I listened foolishly and went there instead of to class, but he wasn't there. I must have waited for three hours there before I noticed that he'd carved something on my favorite climbing branch."

She nodded, signaling that she was listening.

"The note told me to go into the forest." He continued. "Which was really a stupid idea because I didn't have anyone with me and if something were to happen, it'd probably take days to find me. But it doesn't take many to agree I was an idiot, so I did go to the forest. The note had said, 'keep your eyes off the ground' so I went in staring at the tree tops instead of looking where I was going. I ran into three trees and tripped nearly a dozen times before deciding to just climb up. I looked through every nook and cranny and nest before I found his next clue on a piece of paper on the top of one of the highest trees."

She laughed softly, though immediately tightened her grip on his hand when Terra kicked, not liking the jostling she got when her mother laughed. He gave a small smile, squeezing back.

"I fell after that. As soon as I had the note I stepped on a faulty branch and fell right out of the tree. broke my arm too, but I didn't know that at the time. It kept getting worse after that. Night was starting and the forest was really quite a scary place at night. On top of that, the note had ripped and I could only read half of it. I figured out that the next clue was by the river, but I didn't know I was wrong at the time."

"Can you stop for a minute?" She asked, tugging him closer to her. He nodded, quieting himself.

She pulled him so his forehead was against hers. It was probably the closest they had been in a long time, but she wanted the contact. He blinked at her, surprised by the action but not at all protesting. She had her eyes closed, so she couldn't see his expression. Normally, he would kiss her, touch her cheek, rub her shoulders, and her heart ached when she realized he probably wouldn't do that now.

"Is, uh..." He lightly rested a hand on her shoulder. "This the sort of distraction you meant?"

"I...I don't really know what I meant." She whispered, her voice wavered ever so slightly, "I just- ...I..." She tried to find the words she was looking for, "I've missed you."

He smiled warmly. "I've missed you, too, love."

She smiled weakly, opening her eyes. He unconsciously rubbed his thumb back and forth, breathing her in. She gently brushed her nose against his, "I'm starting to feel better..."

The contact sent a few chills through him. "From the pain?"

"Yeah." She murmured.

"Good." He breathed. "I'm glad."

She hummed, eyes darting down towards his lips.

He caught the flicker, hearts surging. "Can I...?"

She nodded.

He pressed his lips slowly down to hers, still unsure of himself. She leaned right into the kiss, urging him on. He was a bit surprised, letting his hand move up to cup her face.

She relaxed against his hand, slowly started to pull away after a moment. He pulled back enough to look at her. She watched him with shining eyes, touching his cheek gently. He smiled, leaning to her touch.

Arthur tried to get their attention from his place next to Toby. River smiled back at her husband, not even noticing Arthur.

"Mummah!" Arthur protested, refusing to be ignored.

She finally broke her gaze from the Doctor looking over at the baby, "What is it, darling?"

He crawled over to the couch, grabbing onto the cushions and trying to pull himself up.

"Oh, my, look at you!" River praised as he started to stand. He wobbled and he hoisted himself up, leaning on the couch and trying his very hardest not to fall over. She put a hand on his back to make sure he didn't topple backward, "Arthur! Good job!" She cheered, kissing his cheek.

"Up!" He frowned. She lifted him up so he could lay on her chest. "Muh." He hummed more satisfied.

She nuzzled his cheek, "Hello, sweetheart."

"Puppy!" He pointed.

River's eyes widened, finally hearing the world, "Yes! Yes, puppy! Very good!"

"Puppy, puppy!" He repeated, enjoying her approval. She laughed, kissing his forehead, and smiling at the Doctor.

The girls finally made their way back into the room, noticing that their parents looked happier than before.

"The pizza should be here any minute, girls." River smiled at them.

They grinned. "I want Daddy to finish his story!"

The Doctor hadn't realized they'd overheard. "Well, alright, but it's not the happiest ending. I got in a mess of trouble before my friend pulled me out of it."

"We want to hear!" The girls cheered.

He nodded. "So, I went down to the river and I sat on the bank to see if I could see any more clues. It was getting pretty dark so I wanted to I wanted to find it quickly."

The girls climbed up on the couch to sit with River and Arthur. The Doctor went through what he remembered, which involved several encounters with animals, a running into the trees, and a lot more clumsiness.

By the time he got to the part where he was out of the forest, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." River murmured, trying to disentangle herself from her family members.

The girls jumped off the couch and ran to the door first. "Pizza, pizza!"

River followed slowly, one hand on her back. "Alright, take a step back."

They crowded her legs, staring up at the pizza man. She paid for the pizza, then shooed them into the kitchen. Toby joined them, jumping up on a chair and staring intently at the pizza boxes.

"Down, Toby," River ordered, getting plates for the four of them and putting Arthur in his high chair.

Toby whined, retreating under the table. She pat his head, sitting down, trying to hide a wince.

The girls grabbed slices and Arthur reached towards the good smell. River got Arthur a slice, cutting it up into very little pieces that he could eat.

"Eeesa!" He beamed, shoving a bit in his mouth. River smiled, not very hungry herself.

"Are you going to have some?" The Doctor asked.

"Not hungry." She murmured, rubbing the underside of her abdomen.

"Are you sure?" He frowned slightly.

She nodded, "Yes, I'm positive."

He decided to ask more about it later. "Girls, say thanks to Mummy for ordering pizza."

"Thank you, mummy!" They said with mouths full of pizza. Even Arthur made some noise of appreciation, dropping one of his little pieces down to Toby. Toby was happy to clean up the mess Arthur was making.

"If you don't mind, I think I'm going to go lay back on the couch." River murmured.

"Tired again?" The Doctor asked.

"Yes, that and sitting isn't the most comfortable position for me to be in right now." She eased herself up, "I felt much better while I was lying down."

They all nodded. "Can we eat in the living room so we can still all sit together?" Freya asked.

"If you're careful." She nodded.

They balanced their plates carefully and followed her to the living room.

"Can you bring the baby?" River asked the Doctor, her back already making her pay for lifting him up so much earlier.

"Sure." He scooped up Arthur and brought his plate, too. She lay down on the couch, using pillows to prop herself up. The others sat on the floor, the Doctor placing Arthur in front of him.

River settled with her family, smiling softly.


	47. In My Bones

**Ch 47**

Once dinner was ended, the girls went up to get ready for bed. Toby followed them, leaving Arthur and the adults.

"Her position still bothering you?" The Doctor asked. River nodded. He sighed. "I really wish I could do something more."

"Baah!" Arthur pointed to River's belly.

She sighed, "Me too."

"But lying down helps?"

She nodded, "When I lay down she doesn't dig into my hips as much."

"You should move to the bed soon." He suggested.

"Why?" She frowned slightly.

"More comfortable," He shrugged. "And it's nearing bed anyways."

"Right, of course." She started to stand, though she could barely manage to sit up.

"Do you want some help?" He offered.

She nodded, "That would be nice." He extended his hand to her. She took his hand, finally managing to get up.

It took her several minutes to walk to their room, waddling at a snail's pace. He helped her settle into bed, Arthur balanced on his hip.

"Are you going to stay with me tonight?" She asked softly.

"If it's alright with you." He answered in the same tone.

She nodded, "I'd like it."

He smiled. "Then yes. Absolutely."

The girls ran in, dressed for bed and carrying a book to read. River offered to read the girls their story, and then kissed them goodnight as they dragged the Doctor off to tuck them and Arthur in.

Toby curled up on the bed with River, resting his head on her leg. She pet his head, closing her shifted slightly away from Toby, more wedged against River's back. River groaned, hating the increased pressure on her back.

Toby lifted his head, looking at her curiously. She ignored the dog, taking slow, deep breaths.

The Doctor returned shortly, looking a bit concerned. "You alright?"

She shook her head, "She shifted and she's putting more pressure on my back." She stated, not mentioning how uncomfortable it was.

"You look like you're in pain." He observed.

"Well, I can't say it's very comfortable." She grumbled.

He nodded. "Maybe lying on your side will help." She nodded, shifting to lay on her side.

Toby moved off the bed and the Doctor slipped his shoes off to move on. "Any better?"

She shook her head, "Not really."

"Pillows?" He suggested.

"Yes, that might help." She murmured.

He helped her stack pillows behind her back, Toby watching from the floor. She leaned back on the pillows, sighing.

"No help?" He guessed.

"Not really, but I appreciated your help." She smiled weakly.

"I hardly did anything." He frowned, wishing he could have been more effective.

"Your suggestions were very nice." She shifted.

"I have a few more if you're not tired of them." He smiled weakly as Terra suddenly gave a firm kick downwards.

"I'd li-" She groaned, pressing on the spot the girl had kicked.

"Riv?" He frowned worriedly.

"I'm fine, it was just a kick." She assured, "I'd like to try more things."

"Next idea was a hot bath." He murmured, still looking concerned.

She nodded, "I'd like that."

"I'll start the tap." He got off the bed, going to the bathroom to turn the faucet on.

Toby was the one to keep River company while the Doctor kept an eye on the bath. Terra periodically kicked during this time, never softly and always to spots where it was terribly uncomfortable to be kicked. River tried not to groan, squeezing her hands in a tight fist as she waited for the Doctor.

When the bath was full, he returned to the room. "Do you need help up?"

"Yes, I think so." He took her hands and supported her to standing. She needed to walk very slowly to the bathroom, one hand pressed on her back. He acted as the support she needed.

"So I'll, uh, leave you to it then." He said when they got there.

She hesitated, still holding onto his arm, "You can...stay if you want."

He looked at her and nodded with a small smile. "Thanks."

She took off her clothes, needing help getting into the bathtub. He assisted her in, sitting on the edge of the tub. She leaned back in the water, humming.

"Helping?" He asked hopefully. She nodded. "Oh good." He relaxed. "I'm glad."

She closed her eyes, relaxing in the tub.

"I'm sure there'll be lots of hot baths on Sunday."

"Why? What's on Sunday?"

"The spa with Clara, remember?"

"Oh, right. Yes, of course." She nodded.

"They specialize in working with heat. Not fire," He corrected quickly. "I mean like hot rocks and water and things."

"Mmmm, I can't wait." She smiled.

"I'm sure Clara's over the moon, too. She seemed very excited." He informed.

"I'm glad. She certainly was a big help to me."

He looked at her questioningly then remembered what she was talking about and nodded. "That went well then?"

She nodded slowly, "Yes, quite well."

"Good." He murmured.

"Yes." She whispered.

They were quiet for a moment and Toby stalked in curiously.

"Do you have any thoughts for the nursery?" The Doctor asked.

She shook her head, "I hadn't really thought about it much, you?"

"I had a few idea's about color." He shrugged.

"What did you have in mind?"

"A light blue. Or a turquoise maybe." He voiced.

River tried to smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes, "That'd be pretty." Terra shifted and settled low.

"Glad you think so."

River shifted, wishing Terra would just get away from her back and her hips.

"You could wear the dress to the spa." He said, trying to keep the conversation.

She nodded, "Yes, that would be nice. What will you do with the girls and Arthur?"

"I didn't have a particular plan. We'll probably go out to a park."

"That sounds nice."

They made quiet conversation for a while, Toby at one point trying to get in the water too, but the Doctor stopped him. River eventually decided that she had had enough and was ready to get out. He offered her a fluffy towel and helped her back to the bedroom.

She changed back into a warm nightgown, settling into bed. The Doctor settled next to her, Toby on the end of the bed, determined to be close to the Timelords.

"Why are you hovering so much today?" River asked the dog, patting his head. Toby only looked at her, nuzzling to her hand. She scratched behind his ears, smiling softly. He made a pleased noise and rested his head down. She smiled tiredly, leaning back on the bed.

"Sweet dreams." The Doctor murmured.

"Goodnight." She whispered back.

-x-

By the morning, Terra was wedged up by River ribs and the Doctor and Toby crowded either side of her, both sleeping soundly. River hadn't gotten much sleep with Terra moving and shifting into the most uncomfortable positions possible and by morning she looked crabby and exhausted.

The girls crept in, peering around the side of the bed. She didn't notice them, finally starting to fall asleep.

"Mummy," Freya said in a loud whisper.

"Mmm? What is it?" She breathed, rolling over to look at her.

"Are you going to take us to school?"

"Mmmhmm." She hummed, not really hearing them.

"An' we need breakfast," Amelia added.

"Okay, in a minute."

"Mummy, it's already 7:40." She insisted.

"7:40?" River was more awake now, "You girls are going to be late! Doctor!"

"Hmm?" He stirred, squinting up at her.

"The girls are going to be late for school!"

He bolted up and stared at her, then at the kids and jumped out of bed. "Come on!" The girls ran after him, River unable to move as fast as her family.

The Doctor started packing lunches and making breakfast at the same time, rushing himself. River had gone to the girls' bedroom to get their clothes out for them, helping them get dressed and rushing them downstairs.

"Can you make sure their bags are packed?" The Doctor asked, trying not to burn eggs. She nodded, making sure everything was in each bag and that they weren't missing anything.

The girls gobbled down their breakfast, Toby trying to take some. River shooed Toby away, going to feed him so he would stop bothering them.

The Doctor got their shoes and bags on. "Give Mummy goodbye kisses." The girls ran and kissed River before wiggling their bags on. "Now, we're going to walk really fast, alright?"

They nodded, already running out of the door. "Bye Mummy!" They called, the door shutting louder than they meant to.

River waved, sitting down on the sofa. Toby jumped up and curled up to her. She smiled, petting his head and closing her eyes, trying to fall asleep again. Tiber joined soon after, trying to settle himself on River's chest. River was asleep by the time this happened, curled up on the couch.

The only one who paid any mind to the cat was Terra, who was not happy about him. River was awake as soon as Terra started kicking, groaning not so much because she was in pain but because she had been awoken again.

As Terra kicked she managed to transfer a few irritated emotions to River, something she hadn't done in a while. River shooed the cat away, hoping it could make her daughter stop. Terra calmed some, settling back was she was, though she was still unforgiving of the cat. River sighed, rubbing her temples.

When the Doctor came back, he looked a bit flustered.

"Are you alright?" River asked, looking up at him.

He let out a puff of air. "Yeah. Just a bit embarrassed. And I feel like an idiot."

"Why?" She frowned.

"We were so rushed I didn't even consider that we have a time machine."

River stared at him for a moment, then laughed, "Neither did I."

He chuckled at her amusement. "The good news is we got there in the nick of time."

"Good, I'm glad." She smiled.

"Next time let's hope one of us can figure it out beforehand." He smiled back. She nodded. "Well, did I miss anything exciting?"

"Not really, only the fact that your daughter is determined for me to be constantly uncomfortable."

"Oh dear, is she at it again?"

"When is she not at it." She mumbled.

He gave a sympathetic hum. "Do you want some tea?"

She nodded, "Tea would be nice."

"I'm on it." He popped off to the kitchen.

"Thank you." She called. Tiber, padded after him, curious about what he was up to.

The cat meowed, jumping up on the counter. "Down." The Doctor pointed sternly.

He mewled, nuzzling his arm.

"No. Down, Tiber. No cats on the counter." He scooped the cat up and put him on the floor. Tiber went to sit with River.

The Doctor brought in the tea when in was done, offering River cup just the way she liked it.

"Thanks." She murmured, taking a sip.

"Looks like a mellow day. Minus that bit this morning." He commented.

She nodded, tracing circles on her abdomen. "I don't mind a mellow day." He had thought as much, settling next to Toby on the couch.

The morning was spent in soft conversations about nothing in particular.

River frowned as she glanced at the clock, "I'm going to go check on Arthur, he doesn't usually sleep this late." The Doctor nodded.

Tiber was the one to follow River. She crept up to the nursery, opening the door.

Arthur was sitting up in his crib, entertained by Samantha who had gotten inside. He was also babbling quite a bit, practicing various combinations of continents and vowels.

"Good morning, sweetheart." River murmured.

He blinked up at her and grinned. "Muh!"

She smiled, scooping him out of the crib, "I didn't know you were awake!"

"Biiii wo-ah!" He tried to answer.

She nuzzled his cheek, not understanding, "Let's go downstairs and see daddy."

"Papa." He hummed. Samantha joined. River carried him down the stairs, taking him to the Doctor.

"Look who's up." The Doctor grinned at his son.

"He was talking with Samantha."

"He doesn't know how to speak cat, yet." He chuckled.

She smiled, kissing the baby's cheek, "Well he was trying to learn."

"Well that bit doesn't surprise me, our boy is brilliant. Aren't you, little man?"

Arthur screeched happily, clapping his hands. The cats scampered from the room and the Doctor only grinned wider. "I believe that was a yes."

River smiled, "Now that Arthur's up, what do you want to do?"

"I'm not picky." He shrugged.

Toby made a noise close to a whimper. River glanced at the dog, wondering what was wrong.

"I think he wants his walk." The Doctor translated.

"We should go for a walk then."

He nodded and Toby jumped up to wait at the door. River got Arthur's stroller, settling him in. The Doctor got the leash and diaper bag and soon they were off.

They kept a slow pace, River still tired from running on only a little sleep. Terra didn't cause much trouble aside from lowering River's lung capacity. Arthur was very babble-y as they walked, which the Doctor told River was ramblings about the cat.

River was very out of breath about ten minutes into their walk, needing to sit down. They were just outside the dog park, Toby yearning towards the field as they sat on a bench. River closed her eyes, wanting to relax for just a moment.

"Mummuh!" Arthur interrupted, reaching out for her.

She opened her eyes, smiling weakly at him, "Yes my love?"

"Uuup." He insisted.

"No, not right now, my sweet. Mummy's very sore."

"Up! Up!" He frowned, wanting her to hold him.

"No, Arthur. Not now." She repeated.

The Doctor scooped him up instead, hoping it would settle him. The baby quieted down, content to be in someone's arms, even if it wasn't his mummy's. "There we are." He soothed the boy. "You alright, River?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I'm...tired."

"Did you sleep okay?" She shook her head. "Maybe you should go back and nap." He suggested, feeling a bit bad for making her come out when she was tired.

"No, I'll manage. If I took a nap every time I was tired I'd be sleeping through my entire pregnancy."

He chuckled. "Fair point."

Toby tugged at his leash, wanting to go play with the other dogs in the field. River sighed, looking at the dog, "Must we?"

He whimpered.

"Why don't we just let him off his leash?" The Doctor suggested. "He comes when I whistle."

"I don't want to chase him around if it doesn't."

"I can do that bit if it comes to it." He offered.

She sighed softly, "Alright, fine."

"Stay out of trouble." He told the dog as he leaned down and freed him from the leash. Toby bolted towards the other dogs. "He'll be fine." The Doctor and Arthur watched in amusement.

River looked less amused and more distant. The boy stayed amused while the Doctor looked over at her.

"You okay?"

She stared off for a minute, before registering that he had said something, "Hmm?"

He offered a smile. "What are you thinking about?"

She shook her head, "Nothing."

"You were spacing out there, a bit." He informed.

"Oh, I didn't realize." She murmured, blood trickling out of her nose.

"River..." His expression had changed quickly. "You're bleeding."

"...Oh." She felt the blood running across her lips, going into her purse and fetching a tissue.

"Does your head hurt?" He fretted. "Do you feel okay?"

"I do I have a headache." She murmured.

"How bad, for how long?"

She shrugged, "Getting progressively worse since I woke up."

"Why didn't you say anything earlier? We should go back..."

"I'm fine." She tried to protest.

"Your headache is bad enough to cause a nosebleed. It's cause for serious concern." He countered.

"Alright, we'll go back, but you have to get Toby."

He nodded and whistled loudly for the dog. Toby looked back at them, very reluctant to come. The Doctor stood and whistled again, patting his legs. "Here, Toby!"

The dog walked about halfway towards them. The Doctor started towards him. "You silly old dog, it's time to go!" He whistled again and made it look like there was a treat in his hand. Toby bounded towards him, wagging his tail.

"There we go." He triumphantly got the dog's leash back on and headed back to River. River was sitting with her head in her hand, her other hand holding a new tissue to her still bleeding nose.

"Think you can make the trip back?" He asked, putting Arthur back in his pram and giving Toby a real treat.

"I hope so." She stood. He wasn't sure if he should put his arm around her or not, pushing the stroller quickly along.


	48. Heartburn

**Ch 48**

Arthur was drifting off by the time they reached the flat.

"Why don't you go to the med bay, I'll put him down and meet you there." The Doctor murmured.

River nodded, going into the TARDIS and starting up the scanner. The Doctor made sure the baby monitor was in his pocket before hurrying off to find River.

She was laying on a cot, the results of a scan pulled up on the screen.

"Any good news?" He asked, looking at the screen.

"Results say high blood pressure due to stress." She murmured, "I didn't read the rest."

"Haven't seen that in a while." He murmured, obviously talking about something else.

"What?" She frowned, looking over at him.

"Can't remember the official term for it, but the locals called it something like rash of the mind." He said, still looking at the information.

"And what exactly is a rash of the mind?"

He finally turned to her. "It's a thing Timelords get when their telepathic connections are misused or mistreated. Occasionally seen in mentally linked lovers, but it's most common in those who bear children."

"What you do mean mistreated?"

He thought. "Overuse, sudden use after a lack of, tugging from either side, re-connections or disconnection..." He stopped. "I think there's more but I can't remember. And I say mistreated, I really mean just anything that would cause the irritation, though I suppose mistreating it would do that too." He looked up at her.

She was obviously annoyed, "Well I don't know why that's there since I haven't even been using the connection, much less mistreating it. I don't know why you won't just cut it and save me a lot of trouble."

He blinked at her, trying not to react to that last bit. "I, uh, if I had to make a guess as to why you've got this, it would probably- actually two guesses. Guess one: that whole mess with the connections before and having to choose one... it could still be tender to the touch from all that. Guess two: there's pulling, but not from you."

"I cut my connection with Arthur for her before I was ready, I don't know what more she wants." She took a deep breath, "I just want it to go away. I don't want it, I want this to stop."

He swallowed. "The irritation can go away and your blood pressure can normalize with a day's rest and some focus on healing... we don't have to go to extreme measures."

She laughed bitterly, "That's so easy for you to say when you're not the one actually dealing with it."

"Just medical advice." He murmured. He knew he was getting into territory where he had to tread carefully. "Sorry. You're right. Your body, not mine. What do you need?"

Her nose had begun to bleed again, an indication of the amount of stress she was feeling. "I want you to cut my connection with her. You've done it before and with much less reason, I don't know why you won't do it now."

He stared at the floor, voice quiet. " _Because_ I did before without much reason." He echoed. "And William... "

She visibly tensed, "That wasn't the reason he died, you know that."

"I do know, but I remember how I felt because of that. How _you_ felt because of it, (or at least how you told me how you felt)." He sat in down in a close chair.

She sighed, burying her head in her hands.

"I just can't bring myself to do it again, not after the last time." He gave a heavy sigh. "But if it's really something you want, I'll make a block."

"This isn't what I wanted." She was shaking, "From the moment you told me you knew I was pregnant, nothing has been going right. This isn't what I wanted for our family, for our children. I don't-" She couldn't continue, afraid she would really lose it if she did.

"I'm just trying to take this one problem at a time, River. If you try to hold it all at one you're going to be crushed by the weight of it all." He hadn't moved his eyes from the floor.

"There are too many problems for me to take it one at a time." She whispered.

"It's still exhausting to do all at once... even two or three at a time would be immensely better. The longer you hold it, the heavier it will feel." He said, remembering another factor to rash of the mind.

"Well, there's no way to deal with these problems." Her voice shook.

"Not alone, no." He began to look up at her.

She was still shaking, trying to calm herself down, "I don't know what to do."

He stood and moved to gently sit on the edge of the cot. "Stop trying to figure it out alone."

"There isn't a way to fix most of the problems whether I'm alone or not."

"Talk to me, then. Tell me what they are, you never know if you don't try." He murmured.

She stared at him for a minute, trying to figure out where to start. "None of this started the way I wanted it to. I wanted to get to tell you that I was pregnant when I was in a place where I was happy and comfortable with it, but..." She didn't want to say she had felt like she was pushed into it, "I never got that. I felt thrown into it before I got the chance to process it myself, and now every time I think about it, it h-" She stopped before she could say 'hurts', "There isn't a way to fix that."

"You aren't going to be pregnant forever." He thought aloud, taking that in. He'd already partly known how she felt, at least in the beginning. She'd done so well at hiding it he'd thought she had found that happy place, at least until recent events uprooted all that. "I thought... In the beginning, I wish that I hadn't pushed you so much. I was trying to help, but obviously, it was a rubbish sort of help that really only counteracted the goal. And then I thought you were okay because you stopped saying all of this out loud but then we found out she's deaf and you weren't okay. What I'm trying to say it, you could be right about always feeling like that, but you never know how things change. They can change so quickly for us and our thoughts and emotions evolve with the times... they might not, but time does have a tenancy to heal at least a bit."

She shook her head, 'It doesn't matter how much time will pass, I'm never going to feel better about that. It's like saying that in time I won't be sad that we lost a child." She took a breath, "I never got that happy moment that I needed, that I still need." She took another breath.

"There's still time..." He fiddled with his thumbs. "Do you think that moment will never come?"

She was quiet for a minute, "I don't think so, not anymore."

He disagreed but didn't say so. "Do you think it's too late...?"

She nodded.

"I don't think it is too late." He said softly. "Are all the other things, related to this? Caused by this feeling of not being ready?"

She sighed, "Yes, I suppose so."

"Tell me about some of the other things."

"I'm afraid the girls will be upset that we have so much less time with them than before."

"I think that's only a temporary thing, Arthur and Terra will both get older and less dependent. I think that we'll still have time, we can make time, wheather it be with the family or just one of us." He tried to assure.

"But Arthur and especially Terra won't be independent for years. By the time we'll have time for them they'll be much older."

"Didn't you worry the same thing about Arthur? That turned out okay, didn't it? The girls adore him and they don't think we ignore them now. What if we started doing a weekly family thing?"

"Yes, but we're going to have four kids now, two of them babies. You remember how busy we were when the girls were both infants. And Terra..." She trailed off, "She's going to need even more attention than we've had to give the others."

He was starting to really want to go and change time for her and give her the time she needed to process this. "You're right, she will, but there are two of us for that reason. The girls understand that and we won't shun them out."

She shook her head, not having faith in his words.

"What if we started doing those family outings again?" He suggested again. "Every week, no matter what's going on, all of us will spend time together."

"You want to do family outings with a newborn?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, it doesn't have to be outings," he corrected, "it can be as small as family game night."

She sighed, "Fine."

Her sigh made him unsure. "...Are you saying fine because you want me to zip it or because you want to do the idea."

"No, I think it's a good idea, I just… don't know how long we'll be able to keep it up. I don't think you understand how busy we'll be."

"You never know know until it happens," he said, "If we start it up, then Terra's born, we can see where we are and how things go." He was probably underestimating a bit, but he was almost sure that she was overestimating. He also had a much more hopeful look at it that she did.

She closed her eyes, "I just wish I had had the chance to figure this all out so I could actually enjoy these few months and bond with her the way I'm supposed to be."

He watched her expression, feeling a bit useless that he could give her nothing but words of comfort, which in all probability didn't go very far. He started to think of what he might do if he could change time, though scrapped every idea since none of them would be possible. "I wish I could find a way to extend the time before she comes and give you that chance."

"No, absolutely not! I don't want this pregnancy being any longer than it has to be. I'm tired of having her constantly right there, I'm sick of her being in my head!" She knew very well that he was clever enough to figure something out.

He jumped at her tone. "Sorry, it was only a thought!"

The tension in her shoulder's had grown, and she pressed her eyes shut.

"...Still don't want the block?" His voice had gone quiet again. She didn't answer, trying to get her body to stop shaking. "Your nose is bleeding again." He murmured, grabbing her another tissue.

She took the tissue from him, avoiding his eyes.

"You ought to lie down and take a rest. This stress is really getting to you."

She nodded, getting up and walking to their bedroom in the TARDIS.

"River?" He followed in the hall. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine." She murmured.

"Uh, shout if you need anything. I'm going to check on Arthur."

"I will."

He nodded and quietly went to Arthur's flat nursery where he'd been napping.


	49. As the Cold Settles In

**Ch 49**

Arthur was still fast asleep, cuddled up with the blanket River had made him, so the Doctor settled on the rocking chair, not wanting to wake the boy.

Toby scampered into the room, dropping his ball at the Doctor's feet. "Hey, there." He murmured to the dog. "I guess you only got a little time at the park, huh." He started moving the ball around with his feet.

Toby tried to pounce on the ball, tail wagging.

He chuckled. "Life would be easier if we were all just dogs, wouldn't it." Toby barked, seemingly smiling at the Doctor. "See? Good idea isn't it. You'd be happy nearly all the time, you wouldn't have to worry much about anything... no barking now. You'll wake Arthur."

Toby picked up the ball trotting out of the room. The Doctor remained in his chair, letting himself ponder life as a dog.

Arthur woke eventually, squirming and whimpering. His father stood and scooped him out of the crib. "Look who's awake."

The boy immediately cheered up when he saw the Doctor, "Papa!"

He grinned and bopped his nose. "Hey there, little man."

Arthur kicked his legs happily, reaching for his bowtie. The Doctor let the boy play with the bow tie, bringing him down to the kitchen. "What do you say we make Mummy a nice lunch? She really does deserve one after the day she's had so far." He could argue that she deserved a lot more, but lunch was a start.

"Mumma." Arthur hummed.

"That's right." He set the tot down on the counter. "Now what do you think she'll want for lunch?"

"Nad!" He pointed to the refrigerator.

"Can't eat the fridge." He opened it up and peered in. "Leftover pizza? No, no, something else. Cold cuts... Hmm, maybe one of those fancy grilled cheeses with bacon and avocado and other things in it."

"Eees!" Arthur agreed.

"Good idea then?" He got out the ingredients and set them by the boy on the counter.

"Goo da!" He chirped.

He let Arthur see what he see what he was doing as he started cooking. Arthur watched in amusement, wiggling around. The Doctor spotted him to make sure he didn't fall.

When he was finished cooking, he balanced the plate in one hand while scooping Arthur onto his hip with the other. "Time to see Mummy, yeah?"

"Mumma!" He cheered.

"That's right. Now hang on..." The Doctor put the plate back down. "Do you want to eat lunch with Mummy? We should probably bring some food for you, too.

"Uhn." Arthur nodded.

He got out a jar of baby food from the cupboard. "Does carrots sound to you?"

He reached for the food in approval. The Doctor shook a finger at him and pocketed the jar. "We're eating with Mummy, remember? You have to wait a minute."

"Mumma!' Arthur repeated, excited to see his mother. The Doctor picked up the plate again and brought the boy to the TARDIS as he went to find River.

"Mumma, Mumma, Mumma." The boy sang, bouncing in the Doctor's arms.

He came to their room and adjusted the things in his arms so he could knock. "Riv?" She was asleep in the bed, not responding to his call. He waited for a response then knocked again. "Arthur and I made you lunch. Can we come in?"

There was still no answer from the sleeping Time Lady.

Arthur pouted, and the Doctor poked his head inside. "Oh. She's asleep, Arthur. I think lunch will have to eat on our own."

"Mumma." He whined.

"We don't want to wake her while she's sleeping." He closed the door. "I'm sure she'll be awake soon, though."

"Noooooo!" He whined, "Mumma!"

"Hush, dearie..." He tried to settle the boy. "It's alright, she's just napping."

"Mummaaa!"

"You can see her soon, but we've got to let her rest." The Doctor murmured bringing him away from the room lest he was to wake her. "It's not very nice to wake people from naps, is it."

Arthur whimpered, trying to reach back towards the door.

"Let's get you fed and play a bit, huh? How does that sound? I'm sure she'll be awake later." The thought of food and playing quickly distracted him.

The Doctor went to the TARDIS kitchen and dropped the plate of food on the counter, setting Arthur in his highchair.

Once settled, Arthur happily munched on his lunch. The Doctor got himself something to eat, making sure the boy didn't make a mess.

Toby made sure to sit right beneath Arthur, hoping to get a snack. Arthur occasionally let a bit of food drop, giggling at the dog's reaction. Toby would run to the spot and pick it up immediately, looking up at the baby then, expecting more.

When the jar was half empty, Arthur tried to dump the whole thing on the floor, but the Doctor caught him. "No, Arthur."

"Puppy." He pointed, wanting to share with the dog.

"Puppy has his own food. He can't have people food."

Arthur pouted, going back to eating, though it only took two bites for him to decide it would be better if he just dumped the food on his own head.

"Oh, Arthur!" The Doctor ran to grab a napkin and at least keep the mashed carrots from getting in his eyes. Arthur stuck his hands in the glop running down his face, giggling.

He shook his head and smiled. "You are silly, but you've earned yourself a bath."

Arthur laughed, holding his arms out for the Doctor to pick him up. He scooped him up, unable to avoid getting any mashed carrots on himself.

The Doctor brought him to the bathroom, filling the little baby tub for him.

"Wada!" Arthur pointed to the bath.

"Bath time, that's right." The Doctor got the tot out of his clothes and put him in the warm water. Arthur kicked his legs, wiggling around in the water.

"Not the cleanest lunch." He murmured, sponging off the food from Arthur. "The TARDIS will keep Mummy's food warm for her."

"Mumma." Arthur cooed at the reminder of River.

"Still napping." He reminded.

"Mumma!"

"Bath first. You've still got carrot all over you."

He kicked his legs in protest.

"Oi!" the Doctor exclaimed as he got splashed. "You're the one who put food on your head and that means you get a whole bath. Not half one one."

"Wan Mumma!"

He sighed. "Tell you what, we'll go see if she's awake as soon as you're clean, alright?"

Arthur settled down, though he didn't stop squirming. The Doctor worked around that, still doing his best to clean him.

Once all the carrots were off of him, Arthur whined for River again.

"Alright, alright." The Doctor wrapped him up in a towel and cradled him. "We'll go see Mummy."

"Mumma! Mumma!" He chirped.

"That's right." He went back to their room and knocked. River wasn't asleep anymore, throwing up in the bathroom. "River?" He called, able to hear her. "You okay?"

She didn't answer, though a small groan came from inside.

He opened the door and walked slowly inside to the bathroom. "River...? You don't sound alright..."

She had her forehead pressed against the seat of the toilet, blood trickling from her nose once again.

"Riv." He sounded much more concerned now, Arthur fussing and reaching for her.

She looked up, getting a tissue to wipe away the blood. "Hello, my sweet." She murmured, touching Arthur with the hand that wasn't holding the tissue to her nose. He latched onto her finger, making a questioning sound at the bloodied tissue.

"It started up again?" The Doctor asked. She nodded, kissing Arthur's forehead. "How bad is it?"

"Getting a bit worse than before."

"And the vomiting? Are you nauseous?" He worried.

She nodded, "A bit."

"You should lie down again..." She sighed, heading for the bedroom, though she didn't want to let go of the baby's hand.

He followed with Arthur. "Do you have a temperature?"

"No, my temperature is normal." She lay back down in the bed.

He placed Arthur next to her. "Other symptoms...? A headache, pain, tremors?"

"I have a headache, and my back still hurts from Terra, that's about it." She sighed.

"None of that would be cause for vomiting... when was the last time you ate?"

She shrugged, "This morning."

"I'll guess that you're not very hungry at the moment." He murmured.

"Not really." She closed her eyes, leaning back against the pillows.

"I made you lunch earlier but you were sleeping. It can be saved, though. Can I get you water or something?"

"I'm fine." She murmured, "I just want these nosebleeds to stop."

He glanced at the night side table and saw that the tissue boxed placed there was almost empty. He fetched another.

Arthur squirmed and whined wanting to play.

"Mummy's sick, you can't play with her right now. You can nap with her, though." The Doctor told the boy.

"Nooo." He whined.

The Doctor sat on the edge of the bed. "I know you've been wanting to spend time with Mummy, but she needs to rest, alright?"

"Noooo pay!"

"What if I get one of your stuffed animals, hmm?"

Arthur looked up at him with teary eyes, nodding slightly. The Doctor left to get the toy. Arthur sniffed and rolled onto his stomach so he could attempt to sit up and look at River.

"Hello, sweetie." River smiled as she opened her eyes, touching his hand.

He blinked up at her. "Pay?"

"Not now."

He pouted and sniffed again, reaching for her hand. "Pay."

She let him take her hand, giving him a small smile He entertained himself with pulling and poking her fingers, giggling if she twitched or moved them on her own.

The Doctor returned with Arthur's teddy bear and his blanket that River had made him. Arthur squeezed River's ring finger, pulling it into his mouth.

The Doctor smiled at them. "Here, Arthur." He held onto River, grip tightening. "Don't want your bear anymore?" He questioned.

"Mumma!"

"She's right there. I'm not going to take you away."

Arthur crawled onto River's legs, resting his head on her belly. "Baab-buh." He said, poking the bump.

"Yes, baby." River murmured.

"Out!" He tried to look at River over the top of her middle.

She laughed weakly, "No, not now."

"Out?" He said softer, his way of asking when.

"Soon. A month or so."

He flopped his head back against her in an exaggerated huff of impatience. "Out. Pay."

She smiled, brushing back his hair with her fingers, "She'll be out very soon. Why don't you give her a nice kiss for now."

He mushed his face into her belly. "Mooph!"

"What a good big brother." She praised.

He reached his arms as far around her as they would go and hummed. "Baab-buh."

"Terra, dearie. Her name is Terra." The Doctor was smiling softly.

"Taya!" He tried to repeat.

"Close." He urged. "Terra."

"Taya," Arthur repeated. The Doctor bopped the boy's nose and didn't bother trying to correct him this time. "Baab-buh." The boy hugged River's belly again.

"How are you holding up?" He asked River.

"My nose has stopped bleeding for now, but not much better other than that."

"Is he bothering you?" He was referring to the tot clinging to her middle.

"Not terribly." She murmured, "I don't mind."

He nodded, getting up and moving to the dresser. There was still spilled carrot and water splashes on his shirt and he needed a new one.

"Terra's been putting a lot of pressure on my hips again." River murmured.

He frowned. "She must really like the spot if she's so persistent." She hummed, looking tired. "I've got to pick up the girls soon." He murmured.

She nodded. Even if she wasn't sick, she wouldn't have wanted to come, remembering the Doctor had said there apparently were issues between her and the other parents.

"Should I bring Arthur or can you watch him?"

"I can watch him." She murmured.

He stayed for another fifteen minutes before he had to to get his shoes in. He kissed both of their foreheads and told them he'd be back soon.

She smiled weakly, "See you soon."

"Bye-bye." Arthur managed.

River played with Arthur as they waited for the girls and the Doctor to get home. Arthur was delighted to get to play, letting his teddy bear join in, too. River happily entertained her son with his bear, trying to coax him into a nap a bit later.

He was drifting off by the time the others got back. The girls ran to River's room, not having put down their bags yet. She hushed them as they ran in so they wouldn't disturb their brother.

"Sorry." They quieted to loud whispers, dumped their bags, and crawled up on the bed. The Doctor followed in behind them.

"Did you have a nice day at school?" River asked softly.

Freya shrugged. "Sasha was was mean."

"Oh? What happened?"

"She called me a teacher's pet because I like to visit Auntie Clara at lunch. But I called her stupid and she went away."

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"Auntie Clara had a talk with her after, too." She added. "And she said if she's ever mean I again I can come to her."

"Well, I'm glad Auntie Clara was there to help."

"Daddy said you're sick." Amelia butted in.

"A little bit, but it's nothing to worry about." She assured, "I've been getting bloody noses because of worry." She wanted to be honest with them so they wouldn't feel scared or left out.

"What are you worried about?" They asked innocently.

"The things all mummies worry about."

"Their babies?" Amelia guessed.

River nodded.

"All your babies are okay." Amelia looked at her sister and then her brother. Her eyes landed eventually on the sibling unborn. "Well, Terra can't hear, but she's still okay. I've been practicing what I can say to her."

She smiled sadly, "I know, my sweet, but that doesn't meet I won't worry."

"Do you know how to say 'I love you' in sign?" She asked.

River shook her head.

Amelia pointed to herself. "I..." She crossed her hands over her chest, palms flat. "Love..." She pointed to River. "You."

She hesitated, then repeated her gestures. Amelia beamed. "I wanna tell her right when she comes out."

River smiled weakly, "As soon as you get to meet her."

"Does she know how to say it?"

"Not yet. We're going to have to teach her."

"Oh." She nodded. Arthur tried to copy the signs Amelia had done. River smiled at the baby, though discomfort reflected in her eyes.

"Mummy, if you're worried all the time, how are your nosebleeds going to stop?" Freya asked.

"I don't know, sweetie."

She curled up to River's side and Amelia did the same.

Arthur looked between them. "Sias!" River's nose started to bleed again. "Muh?" He blinked at her and the Doctor came over with a tissue.

"Would you like me to bring them away?"

"I want you here with me." She whispered to him.

He nodded and settled on the side of the bed. "I'm here."

She held onto his hand, tugging him closer. He leaned over the girls, pliable to her to her guiding hands. She pulled him so his head was touching hers.

"Hey." He breathed, smile in his tone.

"Hi." She murmured, her worry reflected in hers.

"I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be okay." He whispered.

"Me too." She whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"That you're feeling like this. You don't deserve a life you're not ready to live, you don't deserve all this worry."

She brushed her nose against him, not speaking.

"Spa on Sunday." He murmured, half as a reminder, half to talk about something else. "I was hoping that you'd be able to have a relaxing day."

She nodded, a small smile gracing her lips. "I think it'll be nice."

"Pa!" Arthur tried repeating the word. River smiled at him.

"Mummy, can we have Matty over this weekend?" Freya asked.

She nodded, "If you want she came come over Friday or Saturday."

"Can she sleep over?" Amelia asked hopefully.

"We'll see."

They nodded. "Will you be better by tomorrow so you can talk to her mum?"

She nodded slowly, "Yes, but I think it would be best if your father talked to her mum."

The Doctor nodded. "We'll chat tomorrow about it."

"Good! I can't wait! We'll have snacks and we can watch a movie and Matty's mummy bought her a new book so we can read that!" Amelia listed.

He smiled softly at them. "Sounds like you have it all planned out." It wouldn't be their first sleepover, but they were still new at it.

"Do you girls want to rest with Mummy while I make your snack?" He asked.

They nodded, "Yes, please."

"Alright." He gave them each a kiss on the forehead, including Arthur and River, before heading to the kitchen.

River talked quietly with Freya and Amelia while the Doctor got snacks, asking them about their class and what they were learning. They gladly told her about their day, Arthur randomly interrupting with babbles

Mr Thomas joined them, catching Arthur's attention. The baby tried to crawl towards the cat, wanting to play. Mr Thomas wasn't too interested in the tot, jumping on River's chest to curl up.

"No, no." River shooed him off, having enough trouble breathing as it was without the added weight of a cat on her chest.

Freya pulled him towards her to cuddle, though he tried to escape.

Arthur crawled next to Amelia, poking her arm.

Amelia looked over at him. "What?"

"Pay!"

She sat up so she could face him better. "Can you do Patty Cake?"

"Pay-yay cake!" He repeated though he didn't know what she was talking about.

She grinned and held her hands up in the starting position. He hit her hands to give her a high five.

"No, Arthur, you have to hold your hands like this." She held his wrists and guided him to how it was supposed to go. He didn't want to cooperate, quickly losing interest and going to cuddle with his mummy.

"Mummy..." Amelia whined. "Arthur won't play Patty Cake."

"I don't think he know's how, my sweet." River murmured, "And he's still very little, he probably won't be able to do it if you try to teach him."

She pouted. "But I wanted to play."

"Maybe Freya will play with you."

She looked over at her sister who was still trying to keep the cat in her arms. "Will you play Patty Cake me?"

Freya was momentarily distracted by the question, Mr Thomas escaping. "Sure." She nodded, though frowned at the cat.

"Thank you, sweetie." River smiled. Freya scooted over to the other side of the bed and played the hand game with her sister. River watched them, smiling.

The Doctor soon came back with a plate of snacks for the group. The girls attacked their snack, munching happily.

"River, do you want any?" He asked, offering Arthur a piece of cheese.

"I'll have a bit." She murmured.

He smiled softly. Arthur chewed curiously on the cheese. She took a bit of food, eating it tentatively.

"Bleh." Arthur eventually decided he didn't like this kind of cheese, handing the chewed on bit to his mother.

"Oh, thank you, sweetheart." She murmured, getting a tissue and putting the chewed cheese inside. He reached for a different thing on the plate hoping it would taste better.

River stroked back his hair, smiling softly. "We're going to have to clean up the house if the girls want to have Matty over."

"Do we hafta clean our room?" The girls asked.

"Yes, you do."

"Aw!" Freya pouted.

"I know you don't want to, but I don't want your friends coming over and seeing how messy we are."

"We're not that messy." Amelia pointed out.

"I know, but the house should be clean when we have guests."

"Like when we have dinner with our Aunties!"

"Yes, exactly!" River nodded.

"We can work on that when you're done with your snacks, alright?" The Doctor added in. They nodded.

"Lay down with me?" River asked him softly. He nodded, settling on the bed with the rest of his family. She moved to lay close to him, sighing contently.

The girls munched away, interrupting their parents' cuddle when they'd finished the plate.

"We'll clean it up in a minute, girls. Why don't you go clean up your room." River murmured, not wanting to move from her spot.

"Will you come in and help us soon?" They asked. Usually, they got some help with the chore.

"Of course." She nodded. They scooted off the bed and went to their room to clean.

River entwined her hand with her husband's, closing her eyes.

He smiled softly, "Doing better?"

"Yes, a bit."

"I can go help the girls if you want so you can rest." He offered.

She shook her head, "I can get up, but I want you to stay with me here for a bit longer."

"Okay." He nodded, rubbing her arm lightly.

"I will."

Arthur was slumbering lightly. River leaned back against the Doctor, starting to drift off herself. He wrapped his arms around her, pressing a chaste kiss to her temple.

She smiled, looking at him. "How was picking up the girls today?"

"Alright..." He shrugged. "People weren't really acknowledging I was there at all, so no one was that bothersome."

She nodded, touching his chin lightly. He placed his hand over hers. She smiled weakly, "So, nobody gave you a hard time?"

He shook his head.

"Good." She whispered.

He moved her hand forwards, kissing her palm. Arthur shifted in his sleep. She closed her eyes, sighing, a small crease forming on her forehead.

"You alright?" He murmured.

"Yeah." She whispered.

He smoothed his thumb over the back of her hand, offering what he hoped was a comforting smile.

She smiled back weakly, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He hummed.


	50. New Steps

**Ch 50**

The morning of Arthur's first birthday wasn't out of the ordinary. It was a weekend and everyone was keen on sleeping in... everyone over a year old that was. Arthur and his unborn sister were both very insistent on trying to wake their mother, though Terra was probably more effective since she was closer in proximity.

River groaned and rolled over in bed, closer to the Doctor. She hadn't been getting much sleep lately and wanted just another hour or so of rest.

Her husband draped his arm over her, awake from Arthur's calls for his mum. "Should I go get him?" He mumbled.

She yawned, "Shhhh..."

He wisely stopped talking, though Terra kicked roughly. River groaned, pressing her face against a pillow. Terra persisted, shifting and moving as much as she could to rouse River.

She growled, "Stop it."

"Did I do something?" The Doctor retreated his arm, thinking she was talking to him.

"She won't stop moving," River muttered, nuzzling his arm.

He put it back. "Have you asked her to stop?"

She mentally asked Terra to stop.

 _Why?_ She stilled, but the question was loud.

 _Mumma's very tired, she needs sleep._

 _But I want small hands._ This was her name for her sisters.

 _Not now, later, if you let Mummy sleep. You can have Daddy's hands now._ River moved closer to the Doctor, "Can you put your hands near her?"

He obliged, pressing his palms against her round middle. Terra settled against the soft pressure, calming, though this didn't solve the whines still coming from Arthur's room.

River relaxed for a few minutes, then sighed when the whining didn't cease. "I'll bring him back in here."

"I can do it if you don't want to get up." The Doctor offered.

She struggled to sit up, shaking her head, "I'll do it."

"Alright." He didn't push too much, still groggy.

River went to retrieve the baby, smiling when she saw him, "Good morning, Arthur. Happy birthday."

All three of the cats had managed to get into his crib and were crowding him. He reached up for her rescue, making a distressed whimper. She lifted him up, having a bit of trouble with her large belly in the way. "Better?" She asked, grabbing his blanket and going back to her bedroom.

He clung to her, also setting down. "Muh." She kissed his forehead, bringing him back to the Doctor.

The Doctor looked up at them sleepily. "There's the birthday boy."

River smiled and set Arthur down on the bed, lying beside him. She was out of breath from the walk, "Terra certainly didn't like being taken away from you."

"Did she? Well, here I am." He rested his hand on her belly again. River smiled weakly as their daughter settled against her father's hand once more.

Arthur shifted between his parents, happiness levels rising. "Birday."

"Yes, birthday," River repeated, sleepily.

Arthur giggled, not really knowing much about birthdays, but knowing that it involved cake from the information the girls gave him. River smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Can you say good morning to your baby sister?"

He wiggled so his head was on her bump. "Hi!"

"Remember to use your hands, my love."

He traced a sloppy circle with his finger on her belly. "Hi!"

"Good boy." River smiled. Terra nudged back in response and he made a squeal-like bout of laughter.

 _Tiny hand._

 _Arthur._ River corrected and looked over at the Doctor, smiling softly.

 _Arthur hand._ Terra echoed.

"Sleep in, Riv."

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"I'll keep an eye on him." He nodded. "You're tired."

"I don't want you to feel like I'm abandoning you." She murmured. She seemed to forget that she was pregnant sometimes and needed the rest.

He chuckled. "You're right here, and if I need you, I'll wake you."

"Okay." She hesitated but started getting comfortable. He smiled and kissed her temple. She closed her eyes, starting to drift off.

The Doctor kept Arthur entertained easily, though he was distracted more when the girls came in with Toby. They soon went to the kitchen for breakfast.

River slept soundly for another few hours, catching up on some much-needed rest. When she woke, she slowly got up and went to find her family, taking it slow. Toby met up with her in the hall, walking with her to the kitchen where laughter was coming from.

She smiled when she found her family, "Good morning."

Arthur looked at her from his high chair, a bow stuck to his head and a little, stuffed whale on the table.

River went to give the girls each a kiss on the forehead, then went to kiss the Doctor. He was making pancakes on the stove, though paused to kiss her. "Morning."

"I feel wonderful after those extra few hours." She thanked him, leaning in for another quick peck.

He smiled. "Good. Hungry?"

"Yes, quite."

"Grab a plate then. This batch is really for eating."

River grabbed plates for each of the family members, helping to serve. The girls and River got large chocolate chip pancakes, while Arthur only a had a little one to go with his baby food. River talked and ate with her family, smiling brightly.

They had a small party planned out which would consist of their close friends, sometime after breakfast. There would be some down time after that and then they were planning to take the kids out to Vaetir, the garden planet the Doctor had suggested a few weeks ago. The girls were very excited to see their Aunts and Uncles, chattering away about the plans ahead.

"Mummah!" Arthur reached for River.

"Arthur!" River smiled, lifting him up. He squirmed, having been trying to show her his new stuffed whale. "Oh, yes I see." She nodded, touching the whale, "Do you like it?"

"Looo!" He waved it for a moment before cuddling it to his chest.

She laughed softly, "Good, I'm glad."

"Clara helped the girls pick that out for him a while ago." The Doctor informed. "They wanted to give it to him early."

"Well, you girls did a very nice job." River praised.

They smiled, "When are we going to get our aunties?"

"They're going to come very soon." She wiped a bit of syrup from Arthur's mouth, "Which means you two should go get dressed."

"Daddy has to go pick up Auntie Vastra and Jenny because they live in the past." Freya reminded, getting up to clear her plate.

"Yes, I know, but that doesn't mean you don't have to get dressed."

The twins nodded and scurried off to their room to put on clothes.

"I'll get Arthur dressed." River murmured.

"I'll clean up breakfast and start setting up." The Doctor informed.

She gave him another quick kiss, "I'll be back down soon."

Arthur didn't complain when he was brought from the kitchen, though refused to let his whale go. River didn't make him part with his new toy, managing to change him without causing a tantrum.

The morning was spent mostly in preparation. It wasn't going to be a big party, but the girls still insisted on decorations and there was cake to make and things to arrange.

River was finishing up the decorations when the TARDIS returned with all of their guests. The girls were as energetic as ever, going to greet everyone with hugs and excited chatter.

Clara immediately took Arthur, while Vastra insisted that River sat and get off her feet, asking the Doctor to fetch his tired-looking wife a drink. He got her a glass of water as everyone settled in the living room.

The group asked the girls questions about school and tentatively inquired about Terra, unsure of how River would react. The Doctor sat close with his wife, keeping an eye on Arthur, who seemed perfectly happy in Clara's arms.

"Puppy!' Arthur cried as Toby came into the room to sit with the girls.

Clara grinned. "When did you learn how to say that?"

"Mumma." He cooed, snuggling against her, not really having the vocabulary to answer her question.

"Did Mummy teach you that word?" She asked though the question was directed towards River.

River shook her head, smiling softly, "No, he learned it on his own a few weeks ago."

"I think it was from hearing the girl say it so much." The Doctor commented.

"Puppy." Arthur pointed at the dog again.

Toby moseyed over to him, sniffing his little, stuffed whale. Arthur hugged the whale tightly against his chest, holding his hand out for the dog. He licked the boy's hand and settled in front of him.

"I'll go get the food." River stood.

"I'll help." The Doctor stood, too.

They went into the kitchen to gather everything they prepared. The cake was still baking, but other snack-ish dishes were brought back to the guests. Arthur make a very high pitched sound of excitement when Clara offered him a cracker.

River sat back down, wincing and putting a hand to her side. If anyone noticed, they didn't say anything. Well, all except the Doctor. "You alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, fine." She gave him a weak smile and squeezed his hand tightly. He looked at her with concern. "Braxton Hicks."

He offered a smile back and squeezed back. "Let me know if you need to go lie down."

"I don't want to miss Arthur's party." She murmured.

"It's only if you feel you need to. And I'd wake you up for cake and presents." He added.

"I'll stay for now." She murmured, trying to get re-involved in the conversation.

Arthur had started crawling around with his whale, Toby up and spotting him. Toby tried to steal the whale from the boy, thinking it was a dog toy.

"Noo!" Arthur cried trying to stand to get his toy back. Toby didn't understand, thinking the boy wanted to play and walked further away, wanting Arthur to chase him.

"Lulu!" Anyone could only guess that that was Arthur's name for the whale. He'd gotten to his feet, though was having trouble balancing and stumbled forwards.

River practically fell out of her seat to catch him when it looked like he was going to fall. Had Arthur been doing so, River arms would have nicely saved him, though instead falling, he kept moving forwards. He managed to get himself flailing and stumbling to the dog, demanding his whale back. Toby dropped the whale at Arthur's feet, licking his face.

This time, he did fall back and plop down on his bottom, hugging his toy protectively. River pulled him into her lap, kissing his cheek and holding him as protectively as he was holding the toy.

"Mummuh." He snuggled to her.

"Did you see that, Riv? He was walking!" The Doctor was excitedly distracted by his son's first real steps.

"Yes, I saw." She whispered, still holding the baby tightly.

"He's alright." He assured, rubbing her arm.

She took a deep breath and nodded, starting to let go.

Arthur lifted the whale to show River again. "Lulu."

"Yes, I see-ugh." She sucked in a sharp breath.

The Doctor and Vastra, this time, were instantly asking if she was alright. "Really, I've already told you, I'm fine." She insisted. They exchanged glances, though let it be for now. She slowly stood, picking up Arthur and sitting back in a chair.

The tot remained in her lap for the majority of the time. The conversation went on, mostly about work and other such small talk topics. The girls were eagerly taking all the snacks, though were susceptible to falling for Toby's pouting face and giving him bits of food.

River went to go finish the cake in the kitchen as the group talked, icing it and getting the candles ready.

The girls snuck in when she was putting the candles in. "Can we help?" They were mostly just interested in the cake.

"Well I'm just about done, but if you want you can go tell everyone that it's time for cake."

They nodded and scurried back to the others. River carefully lit the candles, carrying the cake to the dining room. Jack had dimmed the lights, the Doctor trying to keep Arthur from wiggling too much.

The girls lead the birthday song as River set the cake down in front of the baby. He clapped as the song finished, mesmerized by the candles.

"Blow them out, sweetheart."

Arthur took a deep breath, trying to blow out the candles. He didn't get too far, so the Doctor helped him out until there were no more flames. River smiled and clapped, kissing Arthur's cheek.

"Cake time!" The girls cheered.

River got a knife, plates, and forks so everyone could eat. Chocolate cake was universally liked among the group, so everyone accepted a slice, though the girls wanted big ones.

River gave the girls generous slices, then sat back beside the Doctor, eyes closed, a small crease across her forehead.

"You look stressed." He murmured.

"I'm okay." She whispered though the expression didn't leave her face.

"Party's almost over, we'll have some downtime soon." He assured. She smiled weakly.

"So, Doc, how's my newest niece doing?" Jack asked between mouthfuls of cake.

"Just fine." The Doctor answered. "Two more weeks."

"It looks like she's getting big." He joked.

The Doctor chuckled halfheartedly, not really that amused. River scowled at the both of them, obviously not pleased with the comment.

"Are you planning on taking the children somewhere today?" Vastra asked as a change of subject.

"Yes, we're taking them out later to..." River seemed to lose her train of thought, distracted.

"To where?" Jack pressed.

"What?" She blinked, "Oh, um...I don't remember."

Vastra looked concerned at this as the Doctor answered for her. "We're going to a garden on Vaetir." River nodded, though she still appeared a bit distant and confused.

"Hey, River, what's the matter?" Jack asked.

"Just tired." She murmured, glancing at him.

"Then go nap." He suggested.

She shook her head, "It's Arthur's birthday, I don't want to miss it."

"Present time?" Freya asked.

"Sure." She nodded, standing and taking Arthur from Clara. The Doctor helped get all the presents in a pile. River held Arthur in her lap, letting him pick and open them one by one.

Most of the presents were small things like toys and books and a few clothes. Jack got him a baby walker toy that made lots of noise when it moved. Though the whale still won the place or Arthur's favorite, the walker got his attention quickly.

River put him in it so he could test out the new toy. Arthur squealed and batted curiously at the gizmos attached to the thing as his legs flailed beneath him. River smiled as she watched the boy play with his new toy.

The girls hovered around their brother, also having a go at spinning the knobs and bits. Arthur was happy to demonstrate what all the knobs on the new toy did for his sisters.

"Thanks, Jack," The Doctor said since Arthur didn't have the vocabulary to do so.

River sat back in her chair, smiling softly, "Thank you, Jack." She repeated.

Jack gave them a two finger salute. The rest of the party was fairly mellow, the adults chatting away and watching the little ones play with the walker. The girls at some point convinced their parents to let them all have more cake, though only got small pieces.

River ended up on the couch with her legs draped across her husband's lap and Vastra gently rubbing her shoulders.

"What a year it's been." The Doctor commented, massaging his wife's ankles.

She hummed softly, "Quite eventful."

"Made it through, though." He watched Arthur.

"I suppose so." She murmured as Arthur bounced in the new walker.

"I think he'll get the hang of that thing in a week."

She nodded, "He certainly does love it." She smiled.

"He'll be able to join the girl's football games soon."

"You'll finally have someone else on your team."

He chuckled at the thought of himself and the kids playing in the backyard. River smiled weakly, the girls running to get Arthur's whale when he threw it.

"Think we should wrap this up soon?"

She nodded, "Arthur needs to go down for a nap."

"Girls," He called them over. "Your Uncles and Aunts are going to be leaving soon. Say goodbye."

The girls ran to give each of their aunts and uncles a goodbye a hug. "Uncle Jack, will you come with us on an adventure soon?"

"Sure thing, kiddos!" He ruffled their hair. "So long as your parents say it's alright."

"We'll sneak you along!" They both giggled.

"Take care of your mummy and daddy for me." Vastra instructed as she hugged them, "And be good for them."

"Of course!" They hugged her back. "And you hafta come back soon, too!"

"I'll be back very soon." Vastra smiled, "And you know I'm just a phone call away if you need me."

They nodded, scurrying over to Clara to deliver her hug. "I'll see you two on Monday." Clara smiled.

"I'll get them all home." The Doctor told River, rising from the couch.

"I'll put Arthur down and clean up here," River replied.

"Girls, will you help Mummy clean up while I bring everyone home?"

"Do we hafta?" They pouted.

"Yes, lovies." He nodded. "I'll help too once I come back."

River gave him a quick kiss, then took Arthur upstairs. The guests piled into the TARDIS and the sound of it taking off followed River up the stairs.

Arthur snuggled to his mother, all tuckered out.

"What an exciting day you've had already." River murmured, rubbing his back as she brought him into his room.

"Birday." He said sleepily.

"Birthday." She echoed, placing him in the crib and draping his blanket across his legs. "Sleep now, my love."

"Lulu." He mumbled, hugging his whale close. He had a hold on River's finger and wasn't letting go. She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb, setting to wait there until he had fallen asleep.

His grip loosened once he fell asleep, which only took a few minutes. Tiber padded in, rubbing against River's legs. River shooed the cat out and shut the door behind them, going downstairs to clean up.


	51. Lifeline

**Ch 51**

Downstairs, the girls had gotten a few dishes back to the kitchen and the Doctor was back, cleaning up the wrapping paper. River washed the dishes, putting them back in their rightful place in the cabinet.

It didn't take too long to get everything tidied up. All the dishes got cleaned and food put away, the girls escaping upstairs as soon as they were told they didn't have to help anymore.

River sat on the couch with a relieved sigh, putting her feet up on the coffee table. The Doctor sat next to her. "That went well."

"Yes it did, but I'm sorry I was so tired for the whole thing."

"I think you did just fine." He placed a quick kiss on her head.

She smiled softly, then attempted to do the sign for thank you, though she didn't exactly do it right. River had finally started learning sign language a week ago, though she was having a lot of difficulty picking it up, which was unlike her. (The family suspected it was simply her nerves getting the better of her.)

The Doctor had been trying to be very supportive of her, reassuring and not too crowding. He gently reached for her hands and adjusted them to how they were supposed to be.

"Ah, right." River sighed.

"You're doing good." He encouraged. "You'll get the hang of it in no time."

"I hope you're right." She muttered.

"Don't fret about it. It's alright not to have it under your belt right away."

"Yes but I've never had this much trouble learning languages before. I don't understand why it's happening now."

He didn't voice his theory about it, rubbing her arm instead. "Sign Language is a visual language, it's different from any other thing you might have had to learn. You've only just started, so, of course, you need practice. You'll soon be amazing at it."

She sighed again, resting her head against his arm, "The girls picked it up right away."

"Young minds absorb new information like a sponge." He reminded. "And they still have much more to learn."

"Yes, I suppose you're right."

"We can practice now if you'd like."

She hesitated, "I suppose if you want."

"Do the family signs with me." He urged. The first things he'd been trying to teach her were things like 'mother', 'father', 'daughter', and so on.

River tried to do the signs, though she messed up the majority of them. He adjusted her hands each time, trying to keep encouraging her. She did her best to hide her frustration.

After what felt like the 100th correction she closed her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

The Doctor stopped. "Maybe enough for now?" She nodded. "Alright." He said gently, "That was good."

"No, it wasn't. Please don't pretend."

"It was a good effort at the least, and that counts for a lot."

"But a good effort isn't going to help me communicate with our daughter."

"She won't be born signing, love. She still has to learn to do it, just like Arthur's learning to talk. There are lots of ways to communicate with her."

"But if we want her to learn quickly, we all have to be signing all the time and if I don't know how..." She buried her head in her hands, "It's just going to be another setback."

"River, she doesn't need to know that many words that fast. Arthur's one and he only knows a handful of things. It's not the end of the world if she learns any slower or faster." He tried to sooth.

She took a breath to keep from shaking, "I just don't want to be the reason that she struggles."

He wrapped his arm around her. "You won't be."

"You don't know that."

"You don't know that this won't all click by tomorrow, either." He pointed out.

"That's true, but judging by the way it's been going, it's highly unlikely."

He sighed. "I know it's frustrating, but I have faith that you'll get there soon."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's alright. really, it is. How about some tea to get your mind off things?"

"No, I'm fine. I just want to sit."

He stayed with her.

"We need to finish the nursery soon." She murmured.

He nodded. "It's coming along. Should we work on that tomorrow?"

She nodded, "Did you finish all the painting?"

"Yes."

She took his hand and squeezed it lightly, "Good, at least that's done then."

"I suppose we do have to have everything ready soon."

She swallowed, a flash of worry briefly filling her eyes, "Yes, it could be any day now. Judging by the last four times, our children have a fondness for coming a bit early."

"And quickly." He added, not catching her expression. "Labors tend to be faster the more children you have."

"Well, it's certainly a shame I have a new body then." She smiled weakly.

"Oh yeah! I guess it won't be that fast then if she's the first child you've had in this body."

"First and last."

He nodded. "Four is plenty."

"Four..." She repeated, her voice tinged with disbelief.

"We couldn't have known the girls would be twins." He chuckled. "I always wanted a big family."

"I never thought I was going to have a family. For a while, I didn't even think I had you."

He looked at her. "You'll always have me."

She smiled, "I know that now."

"Good." He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. She smiled at him.

The girls came down a little while later, having decided it was safe and they wouldn't be made to do more chores.

River was tracing Terra's movements with her hand. Over the past few weeks, her relationship with the baby had been strengthening, and though it wasn't up to the standards that it probably should have been, it was better than it had been before.

"Is she kicking?" Freya asked when she saw River's hand on her belly. "I wanna feel!"

"Alright, come close." She beckoned her daughter over, "Remember to tell her who you are." She guided the girl's hand to her sister's feet.

Freya spelled out her name on River's skin, then pressed her hand flat. River watched her daughter, waiting until there was a kick, "Did you feel that?"

Freya grinned up at River and nodded.

"My turn, my turn!" Amelia insisted.

"Alright, come on." River showed her to the same spot. Terra was quicker to kick, this time, both girls giggling.

"Are you excited to have another sister?" She asked.

Both of them nodded. "Yes!"

"Good, I'm glad."

Amelia looked up at her mum, climbing up on the couch. "Mummy?"

"Yes, dear?" River looked at her.

"Are you and Terra gonna be okay?"

"What do you mean?" Her brow furrowed.

"Well... 'cause when you had our brothers..." She paused, looking down. The girls had never experienced the birth of a sibling where both mother and child survived.

"Yes. We've run many many tests and they're all coming back saying Terra and I will both be just fine. I've already told you that, remember." River tapped her nose. She knew her daughters were worried, and she was doing her best to try and ease that fear.

"But sometimes things change all of a sudden." She hugged River.

"Yes, sometimes they do, but the other times, when I had your brothers..." She tried to find her words, "It was different. It was the Silence's fault that… all of those things happened. We're safe this time."

Amelia nodded, burying her head against her mother. River rubbed Amelia's back, looking at the Doctor to see if he had some words that would be more comforting than hers had been.

He spoke up, "I promise you, dearie, we'll let you know if anything happens. We're very prepared this time."

"I don't want our family to get broken again." She whispered.

"We'll all be together, pinky promise."

Amelia sniffed and curled into River's side. Freya crawled up to hug Rivers other side

"I think we should share some hugs with Daddy too." River murmured, though she wrapped her arms around them.

The Doctor joined in the cuddle, wrapping his arm around the group. River melted into the hug, liking her family surrounding her, "Doctor?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Do we still have time left on the candle Vastra gave us that Christmas?"

"Not much, but yes I believe so." He nodded.

"Can we use it?"

"Now? Are you positive?"

She nodded, "I want to talk to them, today." They hadn't used the candle since right after Arthur had been born.

He nodded. "Girls? What do you think about talking to grandad and grandmum?"

"Can Arthur talk too?" They immediately asked.

"Sure. He's napping right now, though."

"But we have to take a nap to talk to them anyway, so he already has a head start!" Freya pointed out.

"Let's do it in his room then so we don't wake him." He suggested.

The girls scrambled up and ran to Arthur's room. The Doctor stood and helped his wife up. She slowly climbed the stairs with his help.

The girls had already settled themselves in Arthur's room.

"I'll get the candle." The Doctor hummed.

River nodded, sitting the rocking chair so she wouldn't get a backache.

The Doctor returned to the room with the candle and Toby, settling with the girls. "Ready?"

They all nodded. He soniced the candle on, smoke lifting from the flame. River reached for his hand, breathing deeply. He squeezed her hand as they all slipped unconscious.

River's eyes slowly opened and tried to focus on the scene before her. The girls immediately cried out happily when they saw their grandparents.

Amy and Rory sat in front of them, old and plump and smiling. The girls jumped up and ran to give them hugs, distracting them as River stood to go wait for her turn to hug them as well.

Arthur was in a high chair next to Amy, playing with his whale that had made it into the dream.

"Oh my, you've all grown so much!" Amy looked at all her grandkids.

"It's Arthur's birthday today!" Amelia chirped.

"Is it?" The older Amelia scooped up her grandson. "How old are you now?"

"Lulu!" He showed her the whale.

"He's one." River answered the question for him as the girls went to attack their Grandfather.

Amy laughed looked at her daughter. She gasped and make a squeal-like noise of excitement. "Another one?"

River smiled softly "Yes, another one."

"Ooh, boy or girl? Do you have a name? Details please!"

She laughed, going to say hi to Rory, "Patience, mum."

Rory hugged River over the girls who were attached to his legs. "Hey there, River."

"Hello." She smiled as she hugged him, then went to sit back down.

"How've you all been?"

"Well, we've been very busy." River murmured, glancing at the Doctor. He took his wife's hand and offered an assuring smile. "The girls are loving school."

"And look! We even know sign language now!" They signed the words grandmum and grandpa, beaming proudly.

"How cool! Where'd you learn that?" Rory asked.

"Daddy showed us so we'll be able to talk to our baby sister."

"It's a girl?" Amy was too pleased to register the other part, but it caught Rory's attention.

He looked at River. River's eyes met Rory's then quickly darted away, ''Yes, we're going to name her Terra, after the Doctor's mum." She gave them a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"That's a lovely name," Rory said, voice warm.

"We like it a lot," River said.

"Are you girls excited to have a little sister?"

They nodded, "We're going to take her to school for show and tell and all of our friends are going to meet her and we're going to teach everyone sign language."

"What a plan." Rory smiled.

"When are you due?" Amy asked.

"Two weeks." River murmured.

"You've got to save a little time here so we can see her." She insisted.

River nodded, "We will."

"So, what have you done for your birthday?" Amy cooed at Arthur.

"Birday!" He answered, waving the whale in the air.

"We had a little party." The Doctor added.

"That must have been loads of fun." Amy bounced him.

"Booga!" He babbled, sticking the whale's tail in his mouth. "Puppy."

"He's learning so fast," Rory commented.

River smiled and nodded, "He's very bright."

"Are you going to send him to school with the girls when he's old enough?"

She nodded, "Yes, of course."

"Will he be in my class?" Amelia asked.

"No, sweetheart." River shook her head, "He won't be in the same class as you, but he'll probably have the same teacher."

"When will he come?"

"In a few years, when he's your age."

"Will Terra come too?"

River frowned slightly, "Well...no, probably not. She's going to go to a different school."

"Aw, but how come?" Freya pouted.

"Because...she..." She looked to the Doctor.

"Because no one signs in hearing schools." The Doctor said. River's gaze shifted to the floor.

"So there's a special school for deaf people?" Freya clarified.

River nodded, "Yes, there is."

"But I wanted to eat lunch together."

"We'll talk about this later." She whispered, turning her attention back to her parents.

"It's alright," Amy said, "Your sister will be just fine there."

"But she'll be all by herself."

"She'll make new friends just like you did." She assured.

"But won't it be scary? I had Mia and even I was scared."

"All new things can be scary, but I'm sure you can teach her to be brave like you."

Freya thought about it, then nodded.

"There we are, then." Amy smiled and looked back up at River.

"Thank you." River murmured.

Her smile became softer. "No problem."

After a short while of talking, Amelia and Freya decided they wanted their parents to see the school play that they did some months ago. Thinking up costumes, they re-enacted their scene for the group.

Amy and Rory cheered after each scene, and Arthur was greatly entertained by the costumes.

"Mia!" Arthur cheered when Amelia popped up from beneath the table, which had been designated as "backstage."

Amy contained the wiggling tot in her lap as Amelia marched on 'stage' and delivered her lines. The girls finished up with their play, taking large bows.

"Oh, that was lovely!" Amy praised. "When was the school performance?"

"A couple months ago." Freya beamed.

"And you remembered all that?" Rory asked.

"Yeah! We practiced for forever!"

"Brilliant, you two are. Just like your mum."

"You should see the crown that Mummy got from a king! It's so pretty!" Amelia cried, the comment reminding her of her mother's accomplishment.

"Crown?" The ponds looked at her expectantly.

"Oh, yes this." River thought up the Crown so it would appear on the table.

"She tricked a king!" Freya added.

"When I grow up I want to be just like Mummy." Amelia smiled.

Rory ruffled her hair. "You've already got the hair for it."

She bounced over to River and hugged her tightly. "Mummy, can I help next time you go to trick a king?"

"We'll see." River smiled, stroking her daughter's curls. "I don't know if Daddy will be very happy with that."

"He can help too!" She insisted.

"We'll see dearie." The Doctor murmured. "We've got a lot else to do besides swindle kings."

River swallowed and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"Flower gardens today." He reminded to distract at least one of them. Neither River nor Amelia responded, the air tense.

"That sounds like fun." Amy tried to help defuse the tension. "Are you girls excited for that?"

They nodded, "We love going to see flowers."

"Have you ever been to this garden before?"

They shook their heads, "No, not yet."

"I'm sure you must be excited too, huh birthday boy?" Amy waggled a finger at her grandson.

He giggled and grabbed at her finger, "Mumma!"

"Do you want to be held by your Mummy?" She smiled. He didn't reply, stick the digit in his mouth. Amy laughed. "Oh, River, he is just the most adorable thing!"

River laughed softly, "Thank you, he certainly is."

They fell into easy conversation, the Ponds wanting to hear all about their daughter's life.

They ended the visit with enough time left for another once Terra was born, bidding bittersweet goodbyes. The little cafe in the dream world faded away until they were back in the nursery.


	52. Monster

**Ch 52**

River woke up slower than the rest of her family, her eyes opening slowly. Toby was hovering next to her, licking her hand. She coughed, looking down at the dog.

"Mummy?" Amelia scooted over to River. "Can we go to the flower place now?"

River blinked, trying to register her daughter's words, "...Yes, um, yes we can."

Amelia pulled Freya off to their room to go get ready. The Doctor came over to her holding a now awake Arthur. "Riv? You okay?"

"Yes, I'm alright." She stood, but stumbled.

"You seem out of it..." He reached his arm out to steady her.

"Sorry, I'm just..." She trailed off.

"Just what?" He encouraged.

"Just a bit dizzy..." She sighed.

"That's not a usual side effect of the candle." He frowned. "Any other symptoms?"

She sat back down, looking pretty disoriented, "Yes..."

"What is it?" He asked worriedly.

"I think I'm going to be sick." She breathed, running for the bathroom. The Doctor went after her with a still sleepy Arthur, just in time to pull her hair back out of the way.

She heaved into the toilet, vomiting and coughing. He mentally went over a list in his head, trying to figure out what might have caused this as he rubbed her back. River retched once more before sitting up.

"Have you taken anything?" He asked, feeling her forehead.

She shook her head, "No, I haven't."

He filled the glass they kept by the sink with water and offered it to her. "Maybe we should but the flower garden off for a bit."

"No, no I don't want to hold back Arthur's birthday."

"You're sick, Riv, your forehead is warm and you threw up. Have you been feeling like this all day?"

Arthur was finally awake enough to question what was going on.

"No, it just started, and I'm sure it's only temporary. I'll be fine in a few minutes." She tried to argue, though she felt another wave of nausea pass over her.

"You're really in no shape to be going out and I don't want to do this without you." He protested.

"Mumma." Arthur reached for her.

She held out her arms to take the baby, "How about we wait another half hour, I'm sure I'll be better by then." She suggested.

He handed Arthur over. "Fine, but if you're not then we're postponing."

She nuzzled the baby's cheek, "Alright."

"Go lie down." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'll tell the girls."

She nodded, standing up and turning to go, "I love you."

He smiled softly. "I love you, too." She left the room, going to lay down with the baby.

The hour passed by uneventfully. Arthur, having already had his nap, crawled around the bed inspecting the pillows and blankets. He got into a poking war with Terra at one point, though was distracted when Toby jumped on the bed.

River watched, half asleep as the baby moved about the bed. A dull ache pressed on her head, and she shushed the dog when he barked too loud.

Terra kicked softly, requesting that someone's hand be present. River rested her hand on her side, sighing. Terra pushed herself up against her mother's hand and the Doctor came in with some tea. River hardly realized he entered the room, curling deeper into the blankets, shivering.

The Doctor sat on the edge of the bed next to River, putting the cups of tea on the nightstand. She looked up at him, reaching out and touching his leg softly.

"Hey there." He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Feeling any better?"

"Much better." She murmured, though it was a lie.

"Your forehead is still warm." He murmured.

"You're hands are warm." She shivered.

"You're shaking." He whispered.

"It's cold in here." She whispered back.

He tucked the blankets around her.

"Aren't we going out now?" She murmured.

"You're sick and you'll make it worse if you don't let your body rest and heal."

"But Arthur's birthday..."

"Has been wonderful and is still going to be celebrated more." He assured. "Just maybe not today."

She closed her eyes and sighed, "The girls going to be disappointed."

"They're sucked into watching the telly right now, so I don't they will be."

She smiled softly, "Will you stay here with us?"

He nodded, placing his hand next to hers over her stomach. Terra kicked against his hand, happy that he was there.

"I brought you tea if you want." He murmured, glancing at the nightstand.

"I'm alright." She whispered, tugging him closer to her.

"Why did you want to use the candle today?"

"Being with all of our friends, celebrating Arthur's birthday… I just missed them." She didn't meet his eyes, "I wanted them to celebrate with us and be there."

"Gan-mummah!" Arthur said from his spot on the other side of River. River looked back at him, her hearts skipping.

The boy pointed over to River's desk on the other side of the room where a picture of the Ponds stood. "Gammuh."

"Yes, that's your Gran, very good." She breathed, trying to get up so she could retrieve the picture.

"I'll get it." The Doctor murmured, standing up quicker and getting the photo.

"Thank you." She murmured.

He settled on the bed, this time, curling up with his wife and son. Arthur grabbed at the frame of the picture. "Gammuh!"

River let him hold it, "Be very gentle, my love."

He babbled something less coherent and looked over the image curiously. He pointed at Amy's hair. "Reh."

"Yes, it's very pretty, isn't it." River smiled.

He pointed to River's hair. "Buhn foo pay!"

"He says your hair is more fun for playing with." The Doctor chuckled. "I agree."

River laughed weakly, "Yes, it probably is."

Arthur tugged on one of River's curls and burst into a fit of giggles when is sprung back. River smiled softly, kissing his head.

"How does it feel to be a whole year old, little man?" The Doctor teased.

"Bee bada!" Arthur tried to say, bouncing excitedly.

The Doctor laughed. "Yes you are, and a good one at that."

Arthur crawled close to River and kissed her belly, babbling. Terra pushed against him in acknowledgment.

"I think they're going to be very close." River murmured.

Her husband smiled at the thought. "He is quite excited."

She nodded, "He has been since we told him."

The boy had started finger drawing on River's side, tracing his sister's movements. "Siser."

"Sister." River murmured back to him.

"Sidder." He tried to repeat.

"Sister." She said again, slower.

"Mia?" He asked, getting distracted.

"She's downstairs watching telly." She murmured.

"Mia!" He insisted, wanting his sisters.

"Okay, we can go down to see them." She smiled. He cheered up greatly.

"How about they come up so you don't have to get up." The Doctor fretted.

River shook her head, "No, Doctor, I'll be fine."

He nodded slowly. "Alright. Sorry, I just... worry."

"I know you do." She murmured, starting to get out of bed.

He scooped Arthur up, but the boy immediately whined to be held by River instead.

She shook her head, "No, sweetheart, Daddy's going to carry you."

"No." He squirmed. "Mummuh."

"Mummy can't carry you now." She walked towards the door, pausing to swallow back more nausea.

"Riv?" He went over to her, concern growing.

"I'm okay." She gave him a small smile and headed for the stairs.

He followed. "The stomach flu isn't going to be fun..."

"Who said I had the stomach flu?" She murmured, trying to shake him off of her.

"You vomited, you have a low fever, and you're clammy and pale. That all points to stomach flu." He said. "Unless you think you caught something else?"

"Doctor, I haven't caught anything."

"Those symptoms don't come up for no reason." He murmured, trying to go over it in his head. She'd been having a fairly healthy pregnancy as of late so this shouldn't be from that. Maybe it was the stress of the approaching due date. Stress and River never mixed well.

She sighed softly, going to sit on the couch. Arthur whined for River again, getting the girls' attention.

The twins turned from the telly to look at River. "Are we going to the flowers now?"

"Actually, we're not going to go today." She whispered, "We're going to go another time."

"Aw, how come?" Frey a pouted, climbing up on the couch with her.

"I'm not feeling very well today." River brushed back Freya's curls, "I promise we'll go as soon as I get better."

"Oh." She nodded, hugging River. "Tomorrow?"

"I can't promise anything, but soon."

"Before or after my sister gets here?"

"I'm not sure, my sweet. Hopefully before."

"Does that mean she's coming soon?" Amelia asked. She had turned off the show and was also trying to get on the couch.

"Well, the thing with babies is we never can be sure _exactly_ when they're going to come."

"So she could come soon?" She asked hopefully.

River nodded, seeming to grow paler, "Yes, she could."

"Why are you sick?" Freya questioned. "Do you have a cold?"

"Yes, I do." She lied, "I just need to rest."

"So why aren't you in bed?"

"I wanted to come see you." She stroked back her daughter's hair.

"And so did your brother." The Doctor added, settling next to them with the whining tot.

The girls jumped to play with their younger brother, pulling him into a game. His complaints turned into giggles as he got to be with his sisters. River put her feet up, massaging her temples as the children played.

"You okay, Riv?" The Doctor watched her.

"Yes." She breathed.

"Headache?" He guessed.

"Yes." She repeated, "And- ngh" She pressed a hand to her belly.

He looked alarmed, though the kids didn't seem to notice. "That can't be good..."

"It's okay." She quickly murmured, "It happens sometimes."

"Yeah Braxton-hicks, like you said this morning..." He sounded unsure.

"I'm not having a baby today." She breathed.

It wasn't a confirmation of his suspicions but it wasn't a denial either. "If something's happening you need to let me know."

"I will, but I'm telling you that she's not coming today." She breathed, rubbing circles on her belly, "Besides, she's not even in the right position to be born."

"Neither was Amelia." He remembered.

"Amelia was sharing space with her sister. It was a bit hard for her to move." River pointed out.

The Doctor nodded his understanding, deciding that it was probably best not to get into a conversation about breech births. River shifted, trying to get comfortable.

"Mummy," Freya said, noting her discomfort. "Here's a pillow."

"Oh, thank you, sweetheart. That's very sweet of you." River smiled, taking the pillow.

"What are we having for dinner?" She asked.

"Sure, my love." She closed her eyes, feeling tired.

"Mummy..." Freya frowned, tugging on River's arm. "That not what I asked."

"Hmm?" She opened her eyes.

"What are you making for dinner?" She asked again.

"We were going to have spaghetti." River breathed, "I should start it."

"I can do it." The Doctor stood.

"No, no, it's fine." She stood as well.

"Are you sure?" He hesitated.

She nodded, "Positive."

"Do you want help?"

"If you want to help."

"I will. Girls, watch you brother for a bit?" He asked.

The twins nodded, Amelia going back to play. The adults went to the kitchen to start dinner.

Dinner was made quickly, and it didn't take long for the family to eat it. They ate the cake from the party for dessert, Arthur making a mess of it. Regardless of having not gone on an outing, the kids really seemed to have enjoyed themselves. They usually did when there was cake.

The looks of happiness on her children's faces made River perfectly content. "Happy birthday, my love." She murmured, kissing Arthur's head and cleaning up his face.

"Birday!" He squealed remembering the party.

She laughed softly, "Yes, sweetheart." She nuzzled his cheek, as affectionate as ever with her son.

"Un!" He declared, holding up a finger.

"Yes, you're one now!" She kissing his cheeks all over in hopes of making him laugh. He did just so, giggling loudly. River laughed as well, looking at the Doctor.

He was beaming at them. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"Yes, we are quite lucky indeed." She smiled, thinking that he was referring to Arthur.

"Was talking about you, love." He went over to her and kissed her head. "Though, I am lucky to have all of you."

She leaned in to give him a real, firm kiss. "And I'm incredibly lucky to have you all, too." He hummed against her, the girls making grossed out noises.

River smiled and kissed the top of Arthur's head, "I'm going to go give the birthday boy a bath."

"I wanna come!" Both the girls said at once.

"If you'd like." She nodded to them.

"Looks like a bath party." The Doctor smiled. "Do you all want bubbles?"

"Yes! Of course, we want bubbles!" Amelia confirmed as if he had asked an absolutely absurd question. "

Come on you lot." He ushered them to go upstairs. "River do you want to go and get them started while I clean up?"

"Sure." She nodded, heading upstairs with the girls. They grabbed a few bath toys to come with in the tub with them, delighted to get to splash around.

The Doctor joined them once the dishes were all away and the food was cleaned up.

River was sitting beside the tub, smiling as the children wiggled around in the water, the girls splashing one another.

"My, my, it looks like a party in here." He smiled from the doorway.

"Daddy! Come play with us!" Freya called.

He went over and sat next to River. "What are you playing?"

"Sea monsters!"

He chuckled and took one of the rubber ducks as his character.

"Daddy, are sea monsters real?" Amelia asked, interrupting their game.

"Well there are lots of things that live in the oceans, but I wouldn't call any of them monsters." He informed.

"Oh..." She looked down at her toy.

"Something the matter, lovie?"

"No." She shook her head, "But...is it mean to call them monsters? I didn't mean to be mean, I just thought that was their name."

He smiled softly. "It's alright Amelia. Now you know better."

She looked a bit deflated, not contributing much to the game anymore. He glanced at River for help.

"Amelia, sweetheart, do you want to dry off and sit out here with me?" River asked softly.

She hesitated. The bath was warm and welcoming but so was her mother's embrace. She nodded eventually and climbed out. River wrapped her daughter in a warm towel, pulling her into her arms and gently rubbing her hair to dry it. She leaned into River, body relaxing even if her mind wasn't. River hummed softly, rocking back and forth. Freya and Arthur continued to play in the bath, not paying too much mind to their sister.

"Are you alright, my sweet?" River asked softly.

Amelia looked up at her and took a good few moments to shake her head.

"What's wrong?" She rubbed the girl's arm comfortingly.

"Are all the monsters you and Daddy fight really monsters? Was the mean lady a monster?"

River sighed, "Well… um, your father and I, we only fight people who are trying to harm others. If a person is doing something really really bad, that they know is harmful, then...well it's different. And they are rather monstrous."

Amelia didn't quite understand. "But what were they doing? Did you ask them?"

"...We know they weren't doing good things."

"Why did they keep trying to keep us all apart?"

River glanced at the Doctor, not knowing how to answer.

"It doesn't matter now, lovie. That was in the past and we're all safe now. It won't happen again." Amelia looked like she wanted to protest, but didn't. "Mummy and I are going to protect you no matter what." He murmured reassuringly.

"I know."

He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the head. "Bed soon?"

She nodded, "But you hafta read us a story."

"Of course." He nodded, going to help his other kids out of the bath. River wrapped a towel around each of them, snuggling Arthur in her arms.

All the children were quite sleepy at this point, especially Amelia who had tired herself out over her worries.

"I can put the girls to bed if you'd like." River murmured, still a bit worried about Amelia.

The Doctor nodded. "I'll put Arthur down, then. Don't forget their story."

"I won't." She lead the girls to their room, getting out warm pajamas and brushing out their wet hair.

Freya picked out a picture book to read, Amelia snuggling close to her mother. River kept her voice soft as she read, one arm wrapped around Amelia. Freya crawled into bed once the story was done, Amelia more sluggish.

"Goodnight, my loves." River murmured, giving them each a kiss on the forehead.

Freya gave her a hug and so did Amelia, but she hung onto River's hand, not wanting her to leave.

"Do you want to come sleep in my bed?" River asked softly.

"Freya doesn't like to sleep alone..." The girl hesitated.

"She can come too if she'd like, but you both may have to sleep on the floor then."

"Can't we both sleep in your bed?"

"Well, I don't know if we'll all it. I need lots of room because of the baby, but we can try to all fit together."

Amelia nodded and look over and her sister. "Freya? Let's go sleep in Mummy's room tonight."

Freya nodded, collecting her blanket and her favorite stuffie and going to resettle in her parents' room.

The Doctor was on the bed, waiting for River to come to bed. He looked up at the girls and River who followed. "...Slumber party?"

"Yes, it would seem so." She tucked the girls into their bed, "Girls, Daddy and I will be right back, we just need to get ready for bed. Try to go to sleep."

They nodded, and the Doctor followed River out.


	53. Walls Closing In

**Ch 53**

River led her husband into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them.

"Any particular reason to be getting away from the kids?" He asked quietly, assuming she needed to talk to him.

She shook her head, closing her eyes and taking his hand as she leaned against the door, "I just wanted to be alone with you for a few minutes."

He nodded without further question and squeezed her hand softly. "I'm right here."

"Do you want to shower with me?" She asked quietly, "I could use some hot water on my back."

He nodded again. "Yes, that sounds lovely."

She moved to turn on the hot water. They shed their clothes and fairly quickly got under the water.

River kept her back to the water, leaning against the Doctor for support, humming at the feeling of the warmth against her skin. He wrapped his arms around her, glad to have her close. He massaged her lower back, creating a neat balance between the hot water and the pressure of his hands.

"That feels wonderful." She smiled, pressing her face against his skin.

He hummed. "Has your back been bothering you today?"

"Yes, quite a bit actually, but that's nothing new."

"I guess being so full in term isn't terribly comfortable."

She nodded, "Especially when you have three children who always want to be carried."

"To play Devil's advocate, one of them can't really walk on his own." He chuckled, "and they like being held by you better."

She smiled weakly, "Oh, sweetie I don't think that's true."

"Even I think your arms are the best place in the universe." He hummed.

"Oh, stop." She smiled.

"Never." His smile mirrored hers.

She nuzzled his neck, pressing soft kisses. He held her close, glad that she was there with him.

"I want us to go out soon on one last adventure before Terra comes." She said.

"You mean besides the gardens?" She nodded. "Alright." He agreed. "Where to?"

"Somewhere exciting. Any suggestions?"

"There's a moonlight festival on Vlun-98 every ten years. We could go to one of those."

She shook her head, "No, I've already been to four of those."

"Hmm, Delva day on Javuhx?"

She thought for a moment, "Any other suggestions?"

"It might help if I had something more specific than 'adventure'." He pointed out.

"I want to go somewhere _exciting_. Somewhere like the Dundenbar Galas." She smiled, referring to a highly dangerous serious of parties in the Exteler galaxy.

"River... Are you sure about that? You're so close to you due date and it's really not that safe a place..."

"Of course, I'm sure. This is the last time we're really going to get to go out for a while and I want to go somewhere fun."

"Fun and dangerous are not synonyms. There's the running and every other person there has a gun and there's such a high rate of crime." He fretted. "What if you get hurt?"

"They're synonymous for me. And if it gets too dangerous we can go. I won't get hurt, I can care for myself."

He looked at her, feeling his disapproval get pushed back down at the how excited he looked. "...Alright, but we're taking all precautions."

"All?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Perception filters, bio-dampeners, and bring your guns."

"Whatever you say, my love." She turned to wash her hair.

"So which first? Vaetir or Dundenbar?"

"Oh, definitely Dundenbar." She smiled, of course choosing the more dangerous one.

"I'm not sure we'll have time for both before Terra comes." He pointed out.

River shrugged, "Then we'll bring her on the family-friendly outing to the gardens. I'm not leaving our friends with a newborn."

He nodded. "How soon do you want to go?"

She shrugged again, "Soon."

"I want you to be feeling better." He murmured.

"Then we'll wait until I'm better."

They finished the shower after another few minutes, drying off and getting in pajamas.

River slid into bed beside her daughters, who had long since fallen asleep. Amelia curled towards River in her sleep as the Doctor settled on the other side. "Night, love."

"Goodnight, sweetie." She murmured.

He reached for her hand over their daughters. She took his hand, squeezing lightly. He let his eyes droop shut and tried not to worry too much about the place River chose.

Sleep came quickly.

Sunday was a mellow day. The Doctor wanted to give River a day to recover from her sudden sickness yesterday, so it was spent with lots of sitting around and drinking tea.

Arthur played with his new toys for hours on end, never letting his whale out of his sight. The girls colored and ran in the yard. It was clear that River was not enjoying just sitting in the house. She was a bit irritable throughout the day, pacing and constantly fidgeting.

The girls invited her to play in the yard with them while the Doctor was making dinner, wanting her to play 'Queen of the Forest' with them." River played with her daughters, happy to be outside and moving.

The girls were giggling when the Doctor called them all in for dinner, claiming that their little sister would be the new princess of the forest. They continued to giggle throughout dinner, playing with their food and squirming in their chairs.

"Looks like you girls had are excited." The Doctor smiled at them.

"We made fairy houses so we can catch a real live fairy!" Freya explained.

"Well, that is exciting. Did Mummy help?"

"Of course!" Freya nodded enthusiastically.

He smiled at the three as Arthur wiggled. The boy was excited to see everyone else excited, thinking there was something fun. River kissed Arthur's head, smiling at him.

"Muh!" He reached for her. She pulled him into her lap. "Birday."

Terra kicked against him.

"That was yesterday, my love." River murmured.

"Birday?" He looked up at her.

"No birthday today." She shook her head.

"Un." He pointed to himself proudly.

"Yes, you're one!" She beamed, giving him another kiss.

He looked at his sisters and pointed. "Twoo!" It was about the only other number he knew that was bigger than one.

"They're a bit older than that, sweetie. I think it's getting time for bed."

"Mummm." He clung to her.

"Come on, my darling." She murmured, standing up.

"I'll put the girls to bed." The Doctor offered.

She nodded, bringing Arthur upstairs to put him to bed. The boy was determined not to settle or let go of River.

"Come on, sweetie, it's bed time." She tried putting him in his crib again.

He clung to her finger, trying to stick it in his mouth.

"You can have it if you lay down." She reasoned. He hesitated, finally lying back, though he still had her finger in his grip. "There you go, that's it." She murmured, kissing his cheek, letting him hold her finger.

He smiled at her, his whale clutched in his other hand. "Lulu. Mummuh, Taya!"

"Yes, my sweet. Terra will be here very soon."

"Bi budder!" He declared.

"Big brother." She smiled and nodded.

Arthur finally yawned and loosened his grip on her finger.

"Goodnight, my love."

"Mummuh." He hummed sleepily, curling up to his whale. She kissed his head once more, then left the room.

The Doctor had gotten the girls to bed and convinced them to sleep in their own bed tonight with Toby keeping them company.

He was changing into his pajamas, Tiber on the bed. River crept up behind him, wrapping her arms around his bare chest. He placed his arms over hers. "Hey."

"Did the girls go down alright?"

He nodded. "I think they were okay once Toby settled in with them."

"That's good."

"You seemed a bit antsy today." He noted.

She shrugged, "I've been sitting at home for so long."

"Are you feeling better than yesterday?"

She nodded, "Yes, much better." It wasn't completely true, she probably still could use a bit of rest.

"Then maybe we ought to have an outing while the girls are at school tomorrow."

"What are we going to do with Arthur?"

"Sitter?" He suggested.

She thought, "Well, I suppose we could."

"Or we could go somewhere that we could bring him too." He added. "Though I assumed your want was to go to Dundenbar since you were so excited about it."

"I think I'm still a bit tired for Dundenbar, perhaps we could go out with Arthur tomorrow."

He nodded, glad she didn't want to jump right into the more risky adventure. "So somewhere a bit quiet then?"

She nodded as well, "Yes, that would be ideal."

"Maybe somewhere we can take a nice walk." He finally finished getting changed.

"Yes, that sounds lovely."

He got into bed, patting the space next to him. She crawled onto the bed, laying down with a hand pressed to her side. He wrapped his arms around her. "Do you think Amelia's alright?

"I hope so. She seemed better today." She murmured, tracing circles on her belly.

He watched her hand, eventually placing his hand over hers. "School will help focus her."

She smiled weakly, "Yeah, I'm sure it will."

"She's moving quite a bit." He commented.

"I've noticed. She keeps kicking me." She sighed, looking down at her belly, "I guess she's starting to run out of room."

"I would assume." His eyes followed hers. "You've swallowed a planet."

She shot him a glare, "Shut up."

"Sorry." He snapped his mouth shut. She looked back down at her belly, a mix of worry and sadness filling her eyes. "Riv... you know I didn't mean that in a bad way."

She didn't answer, closing her eyes and biting her lip. He shifted on his side so he could look at her.

"What's the matter, love?"

She shook her head, "Nothing, I'm fine."

"You're upset." He whispered. "I upset you." She didn't say anything, not wanting to confirm the statement. "I still think you're gorgeous if it means anything. I never stopped thinking that."

"I don't feel gorgeous." She muttered, "I feel like a whale."

"The two aren't opposites, love." He soothed. "You're carrying life and that if beautiful. You make it look sexy."

She rolled her eyes, "Doctor, please. I don't see how I could possibly be considered sexy looking like this."

"River Song, you are the sexiest creature in the universe. Size has nothing to do with it." He said quite genuinely.

She looked at him, "Really?"

"I couldn't count on a dozen hands how many people agree with me." He nodded and smiled, kissing her cheek. "You are drop dead stunning."

She smiled weakly, "A dozen?"

"I'd probably need a lot more." He reasoned.

"Oh, stop." She murmured, hitting his arm lightly, though she was smiling now.

He chuckled. "Never."

She gave him a soft peck on the cheek. He grinned and returned the gesture on her lips. She looked back at her belly. Though the worry had lessened, it was still present.

Terra pushed against her hand. _Room?_

 _No, there's no more room._ She sighed _._

 _Why?_

 _Because there isn't anymore._ River wasn't in the mood to have this conversation.

Terra didn't understand why River was so snappish at her, falling silent. River rolled on her side, her back starting to ache.

"Were you talking to her?" The Doctor asked curiously.

"No." She lied, shifting uncomfortably.

He didn't push, seeing the look of discomfort. "Would you like me to rub your back?"

"That would be nice." She murmured.

He gently pulled her close and started massaging her back. She melted against his hands, relaxing as he worked the knots in her back. He started humming as he did, not fully aware of the fact.

She moaned, "That feels amazing."

He chuckled. "Your welcome."

She nuzzled the pillow, sighing contently. He massaged her back for twenty minutes before stopping. "We should sleep."

She nodded, "Alright, goodnight."

He turned out the light and snuggled up with her. "Night, love." She leaned against him, drifting off.

-x-

Toby was lying on the other side of River in the morning, head wiggled under her arm. River was fast asleep, nuzzled against the pillow.

Amelia slowly walked in the room, peering over the end of the bed. "Mummy?" She poked River's foot.

"Hmmm?" River hummed.

She tried to climb up on the bed, stuffed Adipose in hand. River started falling back to sleep, not really disrupted by the movement. Amelia slipped and plopped to the floor, pulling the blanket back since it was still in her grasp. "Mummy!"

River jumped awake at the alarmed cry, "What is it? What's wrong?"

She sat sniffling on the floor. "I fell."

"Oh, sweetie." She murmured, sitting up with some difficulty, "Are you alright?"

She shook her head, clearly fighting not to cry. "I had a bad dream I and just wanted a hug!"

"I'm sorry, sweetie." River got out of bed, wrapping her arms around the little girl.

Amelia clung to River, giving into tears. River stroked her hair, rocking back and forth, "It's alright, my love. You're alright."

Toby roused and hopped off the bed, joining them on the floor.

"B-but what if you die again and Daddy can't fix it?"

"I'm not going to die again, my love." She assured.

"But in my dream..." She choked. "You didn't tell us last time! You just got sick and you knew and you didn't say anything!"

River hugged her tighter, "I promise you that it won't be like that this time. I promise."

"I don't wanna grow up without a mummy. Arthur and Terra need a mummy." Amelia whimpered, not quite registering her words.

"You're not going to grow up without a mummy." She assured, sighing softly, "I'll be here for you, no matter what."

She didn't say anything, burying her face against River. River kissed her forehead, rocking back and forth, "It's okay. You're okay."

Toby licked Amelia's foot as the Doctor stirred and sat up, spotting his wife and daughter on the floor. "What happened?"

"Amelia had a nightmare." River murmured, still rocking with her daughter.

"Oh, poor thing." He got up and joined them, placing an arm around the pair. Amelia nuzzled against her parents, feeling better in their arms. "How about I make you hot cocoa with your breakfast today, hmm?" He offered.

"Really?" A small smile formed across her face.

He nodded. "Yeah." She grinned, hugging him tighter. He smiled softly. "I'll wake your sister and start breakfast."

River nodded, "Do you want to come with me to check on Arthur?" She asked Amelia.

"He was really sad in my dream."

"I'm sure he's just fine in real life." She stood, taking Amelia's hand. Amelia hung on to her Adipose as they went to Arthur's room, Toby trotting next to them.

River opened the door to the nursery, switching on the light. Mr Thomas was curled up in the cot with Arthur, though the boy wasn't distressed by this, slumbering peacefully.

River touched the boy's belly, "Morning my love."

He squirmed and opened his eyes. "Mummah!"

"Hello." She beamed, reaching down to lift him up.

He giggled and looked around. "Mia!"

Amelia waved up at him. "Daddy said we're gonna have hot chocolate." She told her brother.

"Tocat!"

"Yeah." Amelia smiled a bit more and touched his foot. "I'm glad he's okay."

"Of course he's okay, my love." River murmured.

"Can we have hot chocolate now?" She asked.

She nodded, "Come on, let's go downstairs."


	54. Lucky

**Ch 54**

Freya was already waiting at the table for the rest of the family, the Doctor at the stove. "Hi, Mummy." She waved.

"Morning, my love." River smiled.

"Yaya!" Arthur wiggled excitedly. River brought him over to his sister so they could say hello.

"Can we sit next to him today?" Amelia asked. Normally one of the adults had to sit next to him.

"If you'd like." River nodded, setting Arthur down in his high-chair. The girls moved to occupy the chairs next to him as the Doctor placed the food on the table. River sat next to Amelia, sighing softly.

The Doctor distributed the hot chocolate before sitting next to his wife. "You alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, perfectly fine." She gave him a small smile.

He nudged a cup of hot chocolate towards her. "You get one, too."

"Thank you." She beamed.

"Tocat!" Arthur made grabby hands for his sisters' drinks.

River took a spoon, dipping it in her hot chocolate and blowing on it until it was cool, then she reached across the table, giving it to Arthur. He gleefully shoved it in his mouth, some dribbling down his chin. She smiled, cleaning his chin with a napkin.

The girls drank their hot chocolate eagerly, finishing it before the rest of their breakfast.

"Alright, now go upstairs and get ready for school." River shooed them up the stairs once they were done. Toby followed them.

"So, are you coming to drop them off or staying behind again?" The Doctor asked.

"I suppose I'll come today." She murmured. It was the first time she would be taking the girls to school in a while.

"You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want." He said, thinking she'd be uneasy because of the whole situation with Monica.

She shrugged, "I should go get dressed."

"I'll get Arthur ready."

She nodded, "I'll meet you back down here."

The family got ready for the day, quietly going about their routine. The Doctor helped the girls pack their bags. River lead the girls out the door, pushing Arthur in his pram.

Amelia felt much better than earlier, holding River's hand as they walked. She'd opted to bring her Adipose to school, the toy tucked under her other arm.

River was glad to see her daughter doing better, giving both her and Freya a kiss on the forehead before sending them into the school building.

Arthur helped wave them off, practicing saying 'Bye!' a dozen times or so until they disappeared behind the doors. River smiled at her son, trying not to acknowledge the other parents.

Most were staring at her and a few were whispering, though those few were Monica's closer friends. She glanced at the Doctor.

"Let's head home." He suggested softly.

River nodded, turning and starting to push Arthur's stroller back towards the house.

"Have we decided where to go today?" He wondered as they walked.

"No, I hadn't really thought about it." She murmured.

"I would suggest Vaetir, but the girls want to do that one with us. Somewhere beautiful, though."

She hummed, not really paying attention.

"There are some lovely rock gardens on Messaline. Well, I say rock gardens, but the rocks there are more like carved glass and the garden isn't exactly a garden... So really it's more like a sculpture maze."

"Where ever you'd like to go, my love."

"You don't care?" He looked at her.

She shook her head, "You pick today."

"Alright. Messaline then. They're quite friendly once they get over the whole War for the Breath thing. It's got something like 2 billion different species that live there now, really lovely place." He rambled.

"I'm sure it will be." She pushed Arthur back home, not saying much.

Arthur wasn't too hyper today, mostly in the mood for trying to name everything around him. River helped him with pronunciation, correcting the things he said wrong.

He was insisting on being held by River when they got back. She scooped Arthur up, giving him a soft kiss.

"Muh!" He grinned at her, putting his hands on her cheeks.

"Hello, sweetheart."

He pushed his forehead against her face, giggling. She gave him another kiss, laughing with him.

The Doctor smiled at the pair. "Do you want to go out now or later?"

"We can go now."

"I wouldn't want to break up your fun."

Her smile faded a bit, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I just, it looked like you and Arthur were enjoying yourselves." He explained.

"Right, well...let's go. I don't want to keep you." She murmured.

He blinked at her, not sure how to read her tone. "River, are you upset with me?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Oh. You just... sound a little irritated with something."

"I'm not upset with you." She repeated, though there was something bothering her.

"But,' He started carefully, "there is something."

"It doesn't matter." She shook her head.

"Of course it matters." He urged.

"Really, Doctor. I shouldn't even be upset about it, it's trivial." She, of course, was upset about the other parents, but she didn't want him to know.

"Well... alright." He rubbed her arm for a moment, not pushing her. "Let's go out now and see if it takes your mind off things, hmm?"

She nodded, "Sure."

They went to the TARDIS, the ship having left out a papoose on the pilot chair.

River returned her attention back to Arthur as they went inside, her smile slowly returning. The boy grabbed for the shiny levers on the console, trying to pull them.

"No, sweetie, not yet. You're still too little."

He whined and continued to reach as the Doctor curiously examined the papoose.

"Here, love. It goes like this." River walked over to the Doctor, setting Arthur on the jumpseat while she strapped the papoose to the Doctor, then gently placed Arthur inside. Arthur wiggled a bit in adjustment, looking between his parents.

"Does it fit?" River asked.

The Doctor nodded and Arthur made some sort of gleeful noise.

"Good. That makes taking care of Arthur much easier."

"And you did say carrying him makes your back hurt." He added. "Cozy?" He asked his son.

"Co-iee!" The boy repeated, wiggling happily.

"I'll take that as a yes." He smiled. "Off we go then."

The Doctor flew them quickly to their destination. River took his hand, heading out the doors.

The skies of Messaline were a much deeper blue than Earth, even in the light of two suns. It was a very green planet as well, the grassy hill they landed on overlooking a city. River took a deep breath in, the fresh air calming and crisp.

"Good choice?" He asked, Arthur's eyes wide at the new place.

"Excellent choice." She nodded. "

The maze is at the heart of the city. We can window shop on our way."

"Sounds lovely." He took her hand and started down the hill. She smiled, squeezing his hand.

The city wasn't terribly busy or empty. There were other people in the streets, some alone and some with others, walking just as they were. Arthur had gotten wiggly again, excited over the number of things around him, including his reflection in a glass window.

River laughed at Arthur's wiggling, finding it quite amusing. The boy pointed at everything, trying to name random alien objects that he didn't even know the name of. Some of the people around them started.

"Hush, Arthur." River murmured softly.

He only giggled. "Bepthhh." River sighed, deciding to let him babble as he pleased.

"He's only excited, River." The Doctor smiled, letting Arthur play with his finger.

"Well, he's attracting a great deal of attention."

He looked around at the other people walking by. "Oh, that's a normal thing for this planet. They don't see a lot of babies around here."

"Really?."

"Population control is a big thing here so there are only so many little ones. Plus, most of the surrounding planets have spices that don't allow their young to travel or don't have a life stage that involves being so small. Babies are actually considered good luck here." He rambled.

"Are you good luck, my love?" River cooed at Arthur.

He nodded, though he didn't understand the question. "Gook!"

She laughed softly, "Yes, you are!" He grinned and pointed to another window with dresses on display. "You like those?" She asked, stopping in front of the window.

He nodded. "Peh ee!"

"Want to go inside?"

"It might be fun to try on a dress or two." The Doctor reasoned.

"Really?" She asked, "You think?"

"Arthur certainly does." He looked at the squirming boy. "And I think you'd look gorgeous in all of them."

She laughed, "Well I wouldn't mind."

He took her hand and they popped into the shop.

"Which do you like?" River asked. Before her husband could answer Arthur excitedly pointed to a very shiny dress, completely covered in sequins. "Oh yes, that's very pretty, but I don't think I'll fit into it."

"We should probably ask if there's a maternity section." The Doctor suggested. She nodded. Arthur still stared at the shiny dress while they shuffled around to find a store clerk.

River asked if there were any dresses that would fit her, being lead to a display of dresses in the back. It wasn't a terribly varied collection, but the colors won Arthur's attention. River smiled, "See one you like, my sweet?"

"Nguh." He grabbed for a very daring dress with colors enough to fool a scarlet macaw.

River laughed at his choice. "Alright."

"Arthur, do you want to try on a dress, too?" The Doctor asked.

Arthur squealed, reaching for another dress. His father wagged a finger at him. "Those are adult dresses. You need a little dress so it'll fit you."

"Tewie!" He clapped.

The Doctor went off to see if they had a children's section, letting River go get changed.

Arthur picked out a sparkling green dress, very enthusiastic about putting it on. The Doctor brought him to a changing room and helped him figure out where his arms were supposed to go.

River knocked in the door, "May I come in?"

"Mummuh!" Arthur answered approvingly.

She came into the room, smiling at the baby, "Why don't you look lovely."

He beamed, the clapped in delight at the outfit River now had on. She held her arms out to take him, beaming.

"You two are both gorgeous." The Doctor smiled, placing the boy in his mother's arms. River laughed, kissing Arthur's cheek, then the Doctor. He hummed. "Something tells me Arthur won't want to part with his dress."

"I think it would make a nice late birthday treat."

"What do you think little man?"

"Pea-ty!" He giggled.

"River?" The Doctor looked up at her, wondering if she wanted to keep the dress she wore.

She shook her head, "I'm alright."

"Oh, maybe we should get the girls each one." He said excitedly as the idea popped into his head. "I bet they'd love them."

She nodded, "I'm sure they would. Did you see any out there that looked good?"

"Yeah, a few." He nodded.

Arthur grabbed the skirt of his dress and started flapping it about, giggling. River smiled and kissed the boy's cheek, "Perhaps we could get one for Terra as well."

"Taya!" He cheered.

She smiled softly, "Shall we go pick one out?"

Both nodded. "You get changed back, we'll meet you over there."

She nodded, giving Arthur back to the Doctor and going back to change.

The boys were pondering over some blue and purple dresses when she joined them. River took Arthur once again, looking over the dresses and pointing out a red one as well.

"Red's got the smallest size so we ought to get that one for Terra." The Doctor pointed out. River nodded, finding a dress size that would fit a newborn.

Arthur helped pick out blue and purple ones for his sisters that look similar to his own.

"Are you sure _you_ don't want a dress?" River asked her husband, smiling as she held their three purchases.

"I'll pass for now." He shook his head.

"Alright, if you say so." They went to the front and bought the dresses, exiting the store once more.

"I think the girls will be quite pleased with their present."

He hummed in agreement. "Arthur certainly is."

"I'm glad." River smiled at the baby.

"Dess!" Arthur giggled.

"Dress." River repeated, "Now, shall we go see the statues?"

The Doctor nodded. "And lunch after."

"Of course, lunch after." They continued along, making their way to the statue garden.

"Sta-too!" Arthur exclaimed when the first statute came into sight.

"Can you tell me what animal it is?" The Doctor asked. It was a stork-like bird, carved of a turquoise marble.

"Birdie." He stated.

"That's a birdie, yes. What sound does a birdie make?"

"Peep! Peep!" He flapped his arms.

The Doctor laughed. "Very good!"

River laughed along with him. "What about that one?" River asked, pointing to an elephant looking statue.

"Ptttthhhhhhhphhhh." Arthur tried to imitate an elephant sound.

"Yes! Very good!" River smiled.

"Euwban." He babbled, trying to pronounce the name.

"Elephant." She said the word for him.

"Ewehban." He echoed.

"Good boy, elephant."

The statues seemed to be mostly animals, with a few people and abstract shapes here and there. Arthur was excited to try to name as many as he could, also learning a few of the names of the native species which he would forget by lunch.


	55. Wive's Tale

**Ch 55**

By the time the trio reached the end of the garden, Arthur was quite tired, having exerted most of his energy imitating animals.

"So," The Doctor adjusted Arthur in the papoose. "Where to for lunch? Home or out?"

"I think it may be best if we head home." River murmured, looking at the sleepy boy.

He nodded. "We can put Arthur down for a nap."

River nodded as well, "I don't want him getting cranky if we try to keep him out longer."

They made their way back to the TARDIS, Arthur completely asleep by then. "I'll put him in the nursery." River murmured, taking the boy out of the papoose and bringing him into the TARDIS nursery.

Arthur curled against River's warmth in his sleep. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head, laying him down in his cot and tucking a blanket around him. His hand tightened around her finger.

"Sweet dreams, my love." She whispered, gently wiggling her finger out of his grasp. Terra shifted and settled with her feet against River's ribs.

River headed to the kitchen where the Doctor was.

"I was about to put the kettle on. Do you want any tea?"

"Of course." She nodded, sitting down in a chair with a sigh.

"You alright?" He glanced over his shoulder as he turned the stove on.

She nodded again, "I'm just happy to be off my feet."

"Put them up on a chair, it should help some."

She lifted her feet up on a chair, relaxing. He went and settled across from her at the table. "So did that satisfy any of your adventurous needs?"

She shrugged, smiling, "It was nice, but I wouldn't exactly call a day in the park an adventure."

"I guess that's true, but it was an outing at the least. And an adventure if your age is only a single digit long." He added.

"Yes, that's true." She murmured, rolling her shoulders, "But I still want to go on my special adventure."

He rose from his chair and went up behind her to rub her shoulders and place a kiss on her head. "That can be arranged."

She hummed happily, "Good, I'm looking forward to it."

Terra turned again and poked River's side with her foot. River ran her hand along the spot, looking down at her belly. "She keeps turning."

"Maybe she's bored."

"Maybe..." She breathed, "But it makes me worried that she's not coming anytime soon."

"How do you mean?" He asked.

"Well, all the other times I've been pregnant, it's felt like the baby, (or babies), were settling right before they were born." She frowned slightly, trying to explain it.

"Less wiggly?" He clarified.

"Yes. Less wiggly."

"Well, maybe she's going to be a little late. Or she doesn't need as much time to settle." He tried guessing, deciding it was best not to mention the possibility of Terra being breech.

River sighed, "Well, she better not think she's staying in there for too long."

"If that's a hint to her to get her moving, you might want to try something else." The kettle started whistling and he went to prepare the tea. "Humanoids have a lot of different methods and tricks for starting labour."

"Such as?" She looked up at him.

"Spicy food, sex, roller coasters." He listed and brought the tea back over, offering her a cup. "Acupuncture, messages with certain oils..." He thought for another moment. "There are drugs to induce, but that's generally not recommended without a medical reason."

"Well are a few things on that list that I wouldn't mind trying." She purred.

He blushed and ducked his head. "I had a feeling you'd say something like that."

"You know me well." She winked.

"Well I, for one, have no objections." He grinned. "But I'll remind you that there's no need for rush. Your due date is almost two weeks away and all the other signs are saying that your body knows what it's doing without the need of an external method."

She hummed, running her hand along her belly, "I suppose not."

"Which is not to downplay anything on that list. Some are very enjoyable." He added.

Terra shifted so she could push back against River's hand. "Yes, they most certainly are." River smiled, beckoning him over.

He stood and went over to her curiously. She pulled him down for a kiss, kissing him deeply. He made a small noise of surprise but quickly surrendered to her lips. She laughed.

He was flush when they paused to breathe. "Any particular reason behind that?" She shook her head, grinning up at him with a playful glint in her eye. He grinned back. "I can't complain."

She smiled, pulling him in for another. He was a bit more ready that time, responding eagerly to her movements.

Terra gave a harder nudge. River ignored the girl, wrapped up in her husband.

 _Mummy!_ She tried to get River's attention.

 _What?_ She replied, not breaking her kiss.

 _Story._

 _Not now, Mummy's busy._ She pulled the Doctor closer as if to prove her point.

 _Story!_ Terra demanded, kicking against the Doctor's weight.

 _Stop._ River repeated firmly. Her daughter made something of a mental pout, continuing to nudge her silently.

River tried to go back to focusing on her husband, but the kicking was quite distracting. The Doctor eventually noticed it too, since he was pressed against his wife. "Looks like someone's excited."

River sighed, "She wants a story, but I told her we're busy."

"I didn't know you told her stories." He breathed. She looked up at him, biting her lip, not saying anything. "I think that's very sweet." He kissed her cheek. "Though I would agree that you are a bit preoccupied."

She smiled weakly, "Are you going to keep me occupied?"

"Well, that depends on if you want to succumb to your daughter's demands of story time." He teased, kissing her lips again.

"I think she can wait." She murmured, "Especially since her brother is sleeping right now."

Terra was not in agreement with this, refusing to be ignored.

 _If you go to sleep, Mummy will tell you two stories when you wake up._ River bargained.

The kicking stopped as Terra considered this option, eventually relaxing. _Help me sleep._ River pushed warmth through the connection, thinking soothing thoughts. Terra settled willingly, done bothering River.

Once she settled, River looked back up at the Doctor, smiling.

"What did you say?" He asked.

"I got her to give us a bit of alone time." She smiled.

"You are quite persuasive." He agreed. "Does that mean checking some things off the list?"

"I think it does." She hummed, smiling.

He grinned like a boy in a sweets shop, pulling her to her feet and leading her off to the bedroom, leaving their tea abandoned on the table.

Even with Arthur in the other room, neither he nor Terra interrupted their parent's intimacy, sleeping through the various different sounds of pleasure that came from the pair tangled in bed sheets.

River smiled as she pressed light kisses to the Doctor's shoulder, pulling the sheet around her, still trying to catch her breath. They were curled up to each other, his arms around her.

"You know there it a bit of instruction that comes along with these methods." He murmured.

"How do you mean?" She murmured back, resting her cheek against his chest.

"They say you may have to try them more than once for them to work."

"Oh, really?" She raised an eyebrow, grinning, "Is that so?"

He nodded, chuckling at her expression. "So perhaps the next time all the kids are preoccupied with sleeping and such things..."

"You mean later tonight?" She purred.

"If you're up for it." He nodded. Terra started to stir.

"Of course I'll be up for it." She smiled.

He hummed delightedly, nuzzling his face against her curls.

"I'd be happy to just stay like this for the rest of the day." She murmured, curling closer to him and putting a hand to her side. Terra nudged against her hand, starting to wake up now.

"She's waking up," River whispered, guiding the Doctor's hand to Terra's feet. He grinned, feeling his daughter's movements.

 _Story._

"Do you want to tell her a story?" River asked softly.

"If you relay it." He nodded.

"Of course." She touched his cheek, closing her eyes.

The Doctor thought for a moment before starting a little Gallifreyan tale about a flower girl. River mentally told the story to her daughter, resting comfortably against the Doctor.

When he finished the tale, Arthur had started whining from the other room. River sighed, wishing they could stay the way they were just for another few minutes, "I'll get him."

"No, you stay. I can do it." The Doctor offered.

"Are you sure?" She murmured, running her hand through his hair.

He nodded. "You look much too comfortable."

"Alright. Will you bring him back here?"

"Course." He nodded again and slipped out of bed, putting on his trousers and shirt before heading to the boy's room. River wrapped the blanket around her body, closing her eyes.

Arthur's cries grew louder as he kicked his legs in the air, just coming to from a nightmare.

"Oh, Arthur." The Doctor turned on the light and scooped him up. "Sh, it's alright, lovie."

"Da!." He cried, immediately snuggling up with him.

He rubbed his son's back in a soothing manner, murmuring comforts to him. "How about we see Mummy, huh?"

"Mumma," Arthur repeated, sniffling. He brought him back to their room.

River had gotten her clothes on while she was alone. "Hello, my love." River smiled, though it faded when she realized Arthur was still crying.

"I think he had a nightmare." The Doctor said, putting the baby in her arms.

"Oh, Arthur." River murmured, hugging him close, "It's alright, you're alright."

Arthur clung to her, whimpering as the Doctor slipped back into bed. River moved closer to the Doctor so they could both cuddle with Arthur. He started to calm, looking up at the two with big, wet eyes. River kissed his forehead, smiling at him.

"Mummah?"

"Hmm?" She brushed back his hair. He reached up and grabbed one of her ringlets, still sniffling. "Gentle, my love." River murmured.

He let go and smooshed his face against her. "Onah."

"Oof!" She laughed weakly, "What was that for?"

"Oonah!"

"He wants you to sing." The Doctor murmured.

"No, sweetie. Not right now." She whispered, "Maybe Daddy will sing."

"Would it be alright if Daddy sang you a song instead?" The Doctor asked.

"Onah," Arthur confirmed. His father smiled softly at him and started an old nursery rhyme. Arthur settled, happy to be getting what he asked for.

Terra nudged, wanting her second story. River started telling her a story as the Doctor sang. Both children grew calm again, peacefulness setting in once again.

River sighed once the story was finished, keeping her eyes closed and taking in the peace. They stayed like that for a good hour, Arthur falling asleep again.

"You hungry?" The Doctor asked.

"I'm craving orange cream popsicles, but I don't want to get up." She smiled.

"Shall I go get some?" He offered.

"That would be lovely." She smiled, "Could you get them from that planet in the Helix Galaxy?"

He nodded. "No plain old freezer pops for you."

"Thank you, my love." She leaned in to give him a kiss.

They shared a quick peck before he hurried off to get her craving. "I'll' be back before you know it."

She stayed in bed with Arthur, Toby coming up to join them. Arthur stirred when the dog came onto the bed, quickly waking up and becoming excited.

River let him crawl around on the bed to play with the dog, stacking pillows up on the side so the baby wouldn't fall. Toby was gentle, nudging the tot around with his nose or paws, occasionally looking to River for a pat. River pet him approvingly, starting to fall asleep.


	56. Deviants

**Ch 56**

It was twenty minutes before the Doctor returned with the orange cream popsicles and some take-out from one of River's favorite restaurants.

"You're back." She smiled tiredly.

"And you're falling asleep." He observed, putting the takeaway on her nightstand.

"I think you wore me out." She teased.

He blushed. "Does that mean I should stick these in the freezer for later?"

"No, I think I can manage to stay awake to eat." She smiled, reaching for one of the popsicles. "You know, I was thinking and maybe Terra and I will end up sharing a birthday."

"Really?" He helped himself to one, too. "Everyone's birthday seems to be around this time of year."

She hummed, "My due date is already very close to my birthday, and by the way things are feeling, it seems like we may be sharing a day."

"And would you mind that? Amelia and Freya pull it off quite well."

"Doctor, you know my birthday doesn't really matter. It's just another day."

"Maybe it doesn't matter to you as much as the girls' birthday matters to them, but it's still enough of an occasion to go out to a dinner or something nice like that. The girls love giving you cards and I'll find any excuse to give you gifts, so no. I disagree. It is important."

She smiled weakly, "I'm touched that you feel that way, but really, it won't matter if I have to share a day with Terra."

He nodded. "Alright. Besides, it's only a possibility."

"Yes, exactly." She murmured.

"So," He said, "are you only awake enough for a popsicle or are you up for the rest of your lunch, too?"

She laughed softly, "I suppose I could stay up for the rest of lunch."

He took the takeaway bag from the nightstand and started unloading the items in it.

"Mmm, this looks delicious." She murmured.

Arthur curiously crawled over, excitedly reaching for some of the food. River got a small bit for him to taste, handing it over to the boy.

"Keep him away from those ones." The Doctor pointed to a container full of reddish-looking balls of cooked dough. "Those are spicy."

She nodded, "I know."

They ate without much disturbance, the Doctor starting a ramble about a time he went to India and accidentally invented a few of their most well-known spice combinations.

Arthur nibbled off his parents' food, delighted when he tried the pastry bars.

River grew more and more tired as they ate, though she followed the Doctor's story with one of her own about when she infiltrated one of the top spy agencies in the galaxy and almost got killed.

Though Arthur didn't understand most of what she was saying, he was attentive to the tale. River left out the inappropriate bits, happy to see her son so interested.

Just then, they heard the phone ringing. "I'll get it." River murmured, getting up and grabbing the phone from the other room, "Hello?"

"River." It was Clara. "You've got to come get the girls right now."

"What's wrong?" Her hearts quickly started to pound, as she ran back to their bedroom with the phone.

"Well there's this new policy the schools have been trying out which basically requires the nurses to do a more extensive check on the students when they get hurt and Freya fell during recess and bumped her head so the nurse had to listen to her hearts and well... she's freaking out because she heard two beats instead of one." Clara tried to talk quickly. "Really, the woman is in complete panic. She's calling doctors and insisting Freya be taken to the hospital."

"We'll be there in a moment." River hung up without another word, "We have to get the girls."

River explained the story to the Doctor as she threw on more presentable clothes. They got on jackets and shoes, the Doctor throwing the papoose back on to carry Arthur.

River hesitated, "Perhaps you should get the girls and I'll stay here with Arthur." She knew everyone at the school liked the Doctor more than they liked her.

"River, you know Freya hates doctors. She'll need you." He urged, starting to set the destination into the controls.

"But they don't trust me. I'm afraid they won't listen to me."

"That's why I'll be there, too." He realized what she was worried about. "River you're her mother. You know her better than any of them so your word will hold the most weight."

She sighed, "Alright, let's go."

The TARDIS took off and quickly landed outside the school grounds. River was still hesitant to go out. He took her hand. "Together, yeah?" She nodded, taking his hand and heading out.

They went quickly inside and were directed to the nurse's office. Freya was there with Clara, hiding behind her legs from the nurse and a doctor she must have called in.

Clara was trying to stall, saying things that included 'parental consent', and 'delicate situation'.

River rushed immediately to hold Freya, wrapping her in her arms protectively. The medical personnel looked desperately at the parents.

"This is ridiculous!" Said the man who was called in as extra help. "This child could have a life-threatening condition and there aren't even any medical records to reference!"

"She's absolutely fine and I'll tell you right now you are not to touch my child." River held Freya tighter. Freya sniffled against River.

"With all respects, Miss, this is not to be taken lightly at all and I must insist I examine her and her sister."

"She and her sister are perfectly healthy and you cannot examine either of them without my permission."

"You probably heard wrong." The Doctor tried to add.

"I don't think you understand how serious this is." The nurse tried to reason.

"I'm aware of the condition." The Doctor countered, trying to look intimidating. "But neither of my daughters have shown any other signs signaling anything wrong. No chest pain, no fatigue, they're running around just like any other healthy child."

"Why did you listen to her heart when all she did was bump her head?" River glared at the woman, standing with Freya still pulled close to her.

"I acknowledge that none of you are comfortable, perhaps because we aren't your normal pediatrician, but if you don't go to a doctor instantly, then I'm afraid I'll have to call social services."

River glanced at the Doctor, looking rather terrified.

"I will not trust my children with people who don't know them. Fine, we'll go to _our_ doctor and we'll even have him write up a report for you if it'll ease your consciousness." The Doctor was trying to put on a show of 'angry parent'.

River's tone was much less of an act. "I am appalled that you would examine my daughter without my consent. A bumped head does not at all constitute a full body examination. And then you had the audacity to call in another doctor without even informing me or my husband. I cannot believe you would put my family and me in such a stressful state." River truly was getting worked up, her face flushing.

The nurse and other doctor shrunk at her tone, "If you would just understand, miss, we're only looking out for her best interests."

River restrained herself from shouting anymore, her looks deadly enough.

"You acted irrationally." The Doctor huffed. "We don't want to hear whatever excuses you have. Will a report from our doctor satisfy your concern?"

"Yes, yes of course." Both the doctor and the nurse nodded, "We apologize for any additional stress this incident may have caused. Please, have a seat while we go fetch your other daughter." The nurse was watching River half scared, half concerned.

The Doctor nodded and went back over to River and Freya. River was trying to calm down and comfort her daughter, though she was shaking.

"River," He crouched next to them. "They aren't going to take them away." She shook her head, the whole incident haven shaken her up.

"I don't wanna go away!" Freya whimpered.

"You're not going away," River assured, holding her tighter.

"I'm not sick. Why do they think I'm sick?"

"I don't want you to worry about it, my sweet. Just put it out of your head." River whispered.

"Am I sick?" She looked up at her."

"No, you're not sick! They're just confused." She shook her head, getting upset all over again.

"I wanna go home." Freya sniffed.

"I know, so do I, but we have to wait for Amelia." She kissed her head.

Arthur wiggled from his spot in the papoose. "Yaya."

"Why don't you go say hello to your brother." River suggested, looking up at the Doctor, clearly still upset.

Freya scooted over to the boy while the Doctor tried to give River an assuring look. "This will all blow over in a few days. We'll get the right papers and sort this all out."

River pinched the bridge of her nose, stress lines forming across her forehead.

The nurse and doctor came back with Amelia, who looked very confused, but happy to see her parents.

"We're going to go home for the day." River explained to Amelia. The other two adults had nothing more to say. Amelia nodded and went to hold her mother's hand.

"I think I'm going to be sick." River murmured to her husband, taking Amelia's hand.

"There are loo's here if you don't think you can make it."

"I don't want to stay here any longer. I want to take my children home."

He nodded. "Let's go."

The family retreated back to the TARDIS, both River and Freya going to lay down and have some rest time.

"Sorry for pulling you out of school early, sweetheart." The Doctor murmured to Amelia.

"It's okay." She shrugged, "But why'd we hafta go?"

"It's... A bit of a long story. The nurse was confused because you and your sister have different hearts than the other children."

"Oh..." She sighed, plopping down on the couch.

"Don't worry." He tried to assure. "Mummy and I will sort it out." Amelia nodded, having faith in her parents. "How about I make you a snack while Mummy and your sister rest, hmm?"

"Why do they need to rest?" She frowned.

"Well... Mummy's just tired and Freya decided to nap with her too."

"Oh. Will you play with me, then?" She asked.

"If you don't mind your brother joining." He nodded.

"He can be the baby puppy and we can be the puppy trainers." She suggested.

"Sound fun." He murmured, letting her drag him off to play.

Amelia and Arthur giggled and played for the next few hours, having quite fun with their game. Freya eventually wandered in, wanting to join.

"Is Mummy still napping?" The Doctor asked Freya.

"I think so." Freya nodded.

"Are you feeling better?"

She nodded, "Kinda."

"Would some hot cocoa help?" He offered.

She nodded, "I think so."

"You two stay and play awhile. I'll make some for you." He left them to watch Arthur and went off the make the drink, coming back ten minutes later.

"Here you are, lovies. I'm going to see if Mummy wants any."

"Okay." The girls nodded, reaching for their drinks.

"Keep an eye on your brother." He instructed, taking the third cup to where River was sleeping.

River was snuggled up in the blankets, the lights off. "Riv?" He knocked softly, seeing if she was awake.

She hummed sleepily in response, only half awake. He entered the room and turned on a table side lamp. "Doctor..." She murmured.

He sat on the side of the bed and kissed her temple. "Hey."

"Hello." She whispered, looking up at him. "I made the girls hot chocolate and thought you'd want some." He offered the cup.

"Thank you, my love." She whispered though she put it to the side.

"How are you feeling?"

She smiled weakly, "I've felt better."

"Still worried?" He took her hand, tracing his thumb over the back.

"I don't know if I want them going back to school," River whispered.

"Not even if we erased that nurse's memories?" He asked.

She hesitated, "What if it happens again?"

"Well, the school year is almost over... We could start getting the girls to wear bio-dampeners." He suggested, knowing it would make them sound like they only had one heart.

"But won't that take away from their studies?"

"No, it won't. And to be fair, they're barely through their first year of school. Studies mostly include learning the names of shapes and plants and things."

River sighed, closing her eyes, not entirely pleased with the idea.

"Look, River. I'm not opposed to switching schools or doing homeschool. I just think that we should let them finish this year first and give ourselves more time to think about it and wind down from all this."

"I know, I understand." She sighed, "It's just...so hard."

"Which part?"

"All of it." She sniffed.

"I suppose it's hard to estimate what something will be like before you do it. Even if we knew sending the girls to school would be risky, we couldn't know it would feel like this."

She sighed quietly, burying her face into the pillows. He gave her hand a squeeze. "I'll call Jack later and get his help setting up false records."

"Okay." She whispered, squeezing back.

"Do you want your hot chocolate?" He asked softly.

"Not right now." She held his hand tightly, not wanting him to go.

"Is there anything you need that I can give you right now?" He wanted to be able to take all her worry away.

"A kiss?" She suggested.

He smiled softly, leaning down to her. She gently pressed her lips against his, smiling. He cupped her face with his free hand, stroking her skin. "A bit better, then?"

"A bit." She nodded, nuzzling his hand.

"The girls are playing pet shop owner with Arthur." He murmured.

"That sounds nice." She smiled, "How's Freya?"

"Still a bit shook."

"They shouldn't have done what they did." She whispered.

He nodded. "They were following policies, but I do agree."

She sighed, changing the subject, "Terra's new position is putting a lot of pressure on my back."

"How's she positioned now?"

"Her head is up near the ribs on my left and her feet are pushing into the right side of my back." She murmured.

"Back rub?" He offered.

"That would be nice, but I would appreciate it more if you could get her to move."

"Didn't work very well last time, but I'll try." He placed his hand over River middle, giving Terra a small nudge.

Terra kicked back but didn't budge. "Come on now, lovie. Move for your mum." He tried again. She ignored him again.

"Have you tried asking?" He asked River.

"Yes, and she won't listen."

He'd started absently tracing circles on her belly. "Try lying on your side. At the very least it'll take some pressure off."

She nodded, turning to be on her side, sighing softly. He reached his hand around, rubbing her lower back.

"Doctor." She breathed.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you...That feels wonderful."

He smiled softly. "My pleasure."

She hummed and sighed happily as he massaged her back, relaxing once he was finished.

At that point, the girls ran in excitedly. "Mummy, Mummy look! Mia's got a loose tooth!"

"A loose tooth?" River sat up slightly.

Amelia crawled up on the bed as the Doctor looked between them. "Where's your brother?"

River went wide-eyed and didn't wait for their answer, jumping up and running to find Arthur. Arthur was still in the same room, crawling around with Toby following him.

River scooped him up, kissing his cheek and holding him close.

"Mummah!" He said excitedly.

"Hello!" She smiled, kissing him again.

"Puppy!" He pointed.

"Yes, was he being a good puppy?" She asked, reaching down to pet Toby.

The boy nodded and Toby barked in affirmation. River smiled, "Shall we go upstairs with the rest of our family?"

"Da!"

She carried him back to her bedroom.


	57. Bigger than these Bones

**Ch 57**

"Sorry for leaving him alone, Mummy." The girls apologized as River put their brother on the bed.

"It's alright." River breathed, going back to sit on the bed.

"Look at my tooth." Amalia insisted.

River watched Amelia wiggle her tooth, smiling, "Well, I think the tooth fairy will be visiting us very soon."

"I'm gonna get a gold coin!"

River smiled, "Yes, how exciting."

"Girls, Mummy and I got you a present when we were out." The Doctor remembered.

"Really? Can we have we?"

"Should be waiting in your room." He nodded. They jumped off the bed and ran to their room, eager to see their surprise.

"Dess!" Arthur enthused.

River laughed, "Yes, they're getting their dresses." He giggled, reaching for one of her curls. "No, no pulling." River moved her hair back so he couldn't reach it.

He pouted but was quickly distracted when his sister kicked. River winced, finding it quite uncomfortable when Terra kicked. "Taya!" Arthur beamed, pressing his hands against her belly. River watched him, not speaking.

The girls came back squealing and changed into their dresses. "Thank you, thank you!"

"You're very welcome." River beamed.

They gave a few spins. "These are the bestest dresses ever!"

"I'm glad you're enjoying them so much." River smiled, "Perhaps you can wear them out if we go to dinner for my birthday."

They nodded. "When are we going to the flower gardens?"

"I'm not sure, my loves." She sighed.

"Can we go on Wednesday? We have a half day on Wednesday."

"If you really want to we can." She nodded.

"Yay!" Freya cheered.

"Fooowahs!"

River laughed, "Flowers!" She echoed.

"Can I pick them and make a flower crown?" Amelia asked.

"Well, we'll see. We don't want to hurt the flowers by picking them."

She nodded quickly to show her understanding while Arthur tried to echo the word again.

The family spent the rest of the afternoon talking and planning their upcoming day trip, almost forgetting about the earlier upset.

"What do you lot want for dinner?" The Doctor asked when it was close to that time.

"Chicken and Rice." Amelia requested as Freya said, "Soup and crackers."

"What if we did chicken soup with rice and crackers?" He tried to compromise.

They both nodded, "Okay!"

"River, sound good to you?"

She nodded as well, "Sounds excellent."

"I'll start cooking then." He gave them all a kiss.

"I can help if you need." River offered.

He shook his head. "I've got it. I'll give a shout if I need you. I'll call you all down when it's ready." He gave her another kiss.

She nodded, kissing him back.

"Mummy, what's your favorite flower?" Amelia asked as the Doctor headed downstairs.

"My favorite flower? Hmm, well I'd say that it must be peonies."

"What do those look like?"

"Well, they're most commonly pink and they have lots and lots of big, fluffy petals that bloom to make a flower bigger than your hands."

"Oh, I know those!" Freya grinned. "They grow at school."

River smiled, "You know your Daddy used to buy them for me all the time."

"How come?"

"Well, because he knew that they made me happy."

"Does no not give you flowers anymore?" She asked.

"Not really." River smiled softly.

"How come?" Amelia frowned.

She shrugged, "I don't really know. That's a question you'd have to ask him."

"Maybe because he has other ways of making you happy now."

"Yes, that could be it."

"I like the yellow ones with the pointy petals and they look like they're playing the trumpet." Amelia said, going back to the flowers.

"Well, perhaps we'll see them when we go to the garden." River gave her a small smile.

"Don't you have a picture of Granmum with all those sunflowers?"

"Yes, it's somewhere in my box."

"Can we look?" Frey asked.

"If you want to we can."

Freya jumped up to get the box, Arthur curiously reaching for it when she gave it to River. River carefully went through the box, pulling out the picture that Amelia had mentioned.

"Gammuh!" Arthur said gleefully when he saw it.

"Yes, there's grandma." River smiled.

The girls huddled around so they could see. "Her hair's even redder there!"

"You think so?"

"Well in the dream candle place her hair is getting grayish."

River nodded. "Well, she's also much younger here than she is when we use the dream candle."

"Did she really like sunflowers?" Freya asked.

"Well, sunflowers were special for her because they reminded her of a friend." River explained.

"What friend?" They asked, hoping to get a good story.

River told the story of Amy and Vincent Van Gogh, telling them about the sunflowers, the alien, and the paintings. The Doctor came upstairs near the end, leaning in the doorway as to not interrupt.

"I believe it's time for dinner." River said as the story ended.

The Doctor smiled and nodded. "Yes, it is."

She shooed the girls downstairs, but Amelia stopped at her father's feet. He looked down at her. "Alright there, lovie?"

"Mummy said you don't buy her flowers anymore. Why not?"

He hadn't been expecting that question. "Well, I used to get her more when we didn't get to see each other all the time so it was a bit like an 'until the next time' promise to her. But now we live together and I see her all the time."

"Oh. So she doesn't need them anymore?" She asked, looking between her parents.

"No, it's not that. I still get them for her once in awhile. There are just a lot of other ways for us to tell each other we'll always be here for the other." He smiled softly at River. River smiled back at him.

"That's what I guessed!" Amelia smiled.

He ruffled her hair. "Down to supper now, dearie." She hopped down the stairs to join her sister.

The Doctor went to help River out of bed. "The girls wanted to hear about Vincent?"

"They wanted to know the story behind Amy and the sunflowers." She nodded. As she stood, the forgotten picture box on her lap fell to the ground, pictures falling out and littering the bedroom floor.

"Oh dear." He got down and started to collect the pictures up. River got down as well, retrieving the box. Arthur watched them from the bed. "I hope these weren't in a particular order."

"They weren't really. They were all a bit scattered." She began placing a few of the pictures back into the box.

The Doctor went to retrieve the hard-to-reach ones that had gotten under the bed and dresser. Beneath the bed was a small notebook, lodged between the mattress and the slats of the bed frame.

The Doctor frowned when he felt it, pulling it out. "Riv? What's this?"

"What's what?" She asked, looking up, eyes widening when she saw the book, "That's mine."

"It's not your diary." He murmured, looking at the front cover. It was brown and leathery. "Why were you hiding it?"

"Can I have it, please." She whispered, holding out her hand, ignoring his questions.

He gave it back to her. "What is it?"

"Nothing." She murmured, taking it quickly and holding it close.

"I... alright. If you say so." If she'd been hiding it, it was obviously something she didn't want him seeing, or at the least wasn't ready for him to see. Though he was extremely curious, he took the cue to back off.

River quickly collected the pictures around her, obviously uneasy now. They got all the pictures gathered and went down with Arthur to dinner. River lingered behind for a minute to re-hide her book, but soon joined the rest of the family.

The Doctor had put bowls of soup at all the place settings and Arthur in his high chair. River sat quietly at her place setting, eating the soup.

"Mummy?" Freya asked after a few moments of silent eating. "Why are my hearts different from the other kids' hearts?"

River's eyes flickered up to meet her daughter's, "You know why, my love." They had explained the difference many times before.

"But why did it make the nurse to scared?"

"Because people at school don't know you're a Timelord. It's our secret remember?"

"I don't like hiding anymore."

River frowned. "Freya, we have to."

"Or else people get scared and mean." She echoed vaguely what her parents had told her many times. "But I'm not scary and mean..."

"I know that my love, but people are afraid of the things that they don't understand and unfortunately they don't understand us yet."

"So why don't we just tell them and make them understand and then they'll like us?"

"Because some people don't want to understand. It's hard to explain, my love."

Freya stared at her soup.

"I'm sorry," River whispered.

It took her a moment to look back up at her mother. "We go all over everywhere and there are so many different aliens and people and stuff and..." Freya sniffed. "You brought me to places where a Kalher and a Zocci lived in the same place. Auntie Vastra and Auntie Jenny and Uncle Strax all live together. And all the humans on other planets don't care if we're different."

River looked at the Doctor, not knowing what to say.

He made an attempt to explain, "Yes, dearie. Humans learn in the future about us and all the other trillions of species that live in this universe. They'll learn about the good ones and bad ones and they'll evolve and accept and grow. But, lovie, that doesn't happen for a little while. Everyone has a starting point and humans start here on Earth thinking they're the only ones there ever were or will be. They'll learn that they're wrong, and I'm sorry, but they don't learn for a few decades and we can't push that."

"Well, why do we have to live here then?!" Freya threw her spoon on the table.

"This is when Uncle Jack and Auntie Clara live. This is when your grandparents were for a very long time and this is where Mummy spent a lot of her time in her last regeneration. We're safe here." He tried to sooth.

"We'd be safe in the future too! Then we wouldn't hafta hide! I want to show my friends all the cool places we go! I don't want to scare the nurse!" She was both sad and angry, crossing her arms.

He wanted to tell her that the secrets and hiding were what made them safe, that half the universe would be after them if they knew where the family of the last Timelords held residence. He didn't, though, because it was also exactly what made them cut off from the human community they tried so hard to blend in with. "Maybe one day, love. But we can't."

Freya stayed quiet, crying now. The Doctor got up from his seat and lifted her up, holding her against his chest.

She cried against his chest. He rubbed her back in a comforting manner. "Freya, would it make you feel better if you made some friends from other planets?"

She nodded slowly. "Maybe."

"We could probably find a programme for kids your age that had kids from all sorts of planets. And we can pick a day of the week to go. You won't have to hide and you can tell all about our adventures."

"Can Mia and Arthur come too?" She asked.

"Mia can. I'm not sure Arthur can, he might have to be a little older."

"Will we get to have three birthday parties then? One with our family, one with our school friends and one with our other planet friends!"

He chuckled. "I don't know, lovie. Maybe."

She was starting to feel better, wanting to go back to eating her soup. He put her back in her seat.

"Amelia, what do you think about that?"

Amelia nodded, liking the idea, though her mouth was full of food.

"Riv?"

River looked much less pleased, though she didn't immediately disagree, "I think we need to talk about this more a bit later."

He nodded. "And I ought to clear us up with the school."

"Yes, you ought to."

"After dinner." He murmured.

They went back to eating.


	58. Landslide

**Ch 58**

The family finished dinner a bit less tensely, talking about random nothings. The Doctor put the bowls in the sink when they were all done, volunteering to do dishes.

"I'll do them. You have to get the girls' school things sorted out." River shook her head, shooing him off.

"Alright. I'll be back soon." He promised, going to the TARDIS.

The book River had hidden earlier was laying out in the console room now. The Doctor didn't notice it until he'd landed the TARDIS, spotting it on the jump seat. He went over and picked it up, looking at the covers again.

The cover of the book was plain, nothing too out of the ordinary. He started at it, fingers itching to open it, but there was a voice in his head telling him not to. Several voices actually.

This was River's book, her personal property that she had clearly not wanted him to see. His curiosity would bring him lengths, but invading River's privacy wasn't one of them. If he was to ever see inside this book, it would only be at River's clear approval.

He pocketed it and went to look for the memory worm for the nurse.

The worm was locked in a box in a storage room deep in the TARDIS where the girls wouldn't be able to accidentally find it. He brought the box back to the console room, trying to forget about the book.

He did his work carefully, making fake records for the girls and calling Jack to let him know that if the school was to call him he had to pretend to be the girl's pediatrician. Making sure he had the proper gloves for the worms, he went to the school.

He made quick work of the nurse's and doctor's memories.

He packed the worm back up and headed home, preparing mentally for the next task of telling River about the book.

She was pre-occupied upstairs when the TARDIS landed back in the house. She was just closing the door to the girls' bedroom when he came up.

"They're in bed already?" He asked.

"I wanted them to have an early night, and surprisingly they didn't complain." She nodded.

"Oh." He nodded and reached into his pocket. "You left this in the console room. And before you ask, no I didn't peak."

She immediately took the book, but frowned, "I didn't put it in the console room."

He frowned as well. "It was there when I went in. Maybe Toby thought it was a toy and put it there?"

"I put it in a drawer in my closet, I don't know how Toby would have gotten it." Her brow furrowed.

"Are you sure that's the same book then?"

She opened it, looking over the pages and nodded, "This is my book."

He stood there just as puzzled as she was. "It makes no sense then." She nodded, hugging the book close to her chest. "River... you don't think it was me do you? Because I swear it was there when I got there."

"No, I believe you." She murmured, knowing that he would probably be acting much differently if he had read what was inside the book.

He relaxed a bit. "Sorry about earlier. I know my discovering you had this made you uncomfortable, but I want you to know that I'm not ever going to try and snoop in it unless you say it's alright."

She smiled weakly, "Thank you."

"Now then, I took care of the thing with the nurse. She won't remember what happened today and the girls have fake records now."

She nodded, sighing softly, "I suppose that's good."

"What do you think about what we talked about at dinner?"

"I don't know if it's the best idea. It could still be very dangerous to be going out and telling people who the girls are. I don't want anything to happen to them. I don't want to be targeted again." She shook her head.

"What if they didn't specify their species to everyone?" He knew how much the girls wanted this.

"Well...It's not ideal, but I don't want to disappoint them."

"I was thinking it would be one of those things where the parents come along and watch them." He added.

"I-" She sighed, "I don't know, Doctor. I have to think about it more."

"Alright." He nodded. "Why don't we have some downtime then?"

"Alright." She nodded, "Let me go put this away first." She headed off to go re-re-hide her book.

Terra nudged River's ribs, wondering what had her so tense. River tried to ignore Terra, burying the book in one of her drawers. The baby kicked harder, wanting an answer.

River winced, leaning against the dresser. _Stop._

 _Tell me._

 _No. Stop. Now._

 _No fair!_ She gave another hard kick.

River groaned, sinking to her knees, the kick landing in a very uncomfortable place. Toby, who had been on the bed, jumped off and hurried over to her.

River took a deep breath, standing once again. She pat the dog on the head, starting back down the stairs. He insisted on following her.

She made it down the stairs safely, going into the living room. The Doctor had cozied himself up in a blanket, Tiber in his lap. River sat down on the couch, her hand tracing soothing circles around her belly.

"Moving around?" He asked.

She nodded, "She's being demanding and she's getting angry when I don't cooperate."

"Oh." He frowned slightly. "What happened?"

She shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to sit and relax."

He nodded. Tiber rose and stretched, climbing over to settle with River. She shooed the cat away, not wanting him sitting on her. She closed her eyes, sighing.

Neither Terra nor Tiber seemed at all willing to let her relax, continuing with their pestering.

River was just getting more and more frustrated until finally, she snapped and let out a very loud, irritated sounding noise.

Tiber and the Doctor jumped, the former scurrying to another room.

"I can't take this anymore!" She looked about ready to pull her hair out, shaking with frustration.

"River, river what's wrong?" He could understand the cat bothering her, but he couldn't see Terra's contribution.

"She won't stop pestering me and nagging at me! I can't get a moment's peace and I cannot take another second of this!"

"Whoa, there Riv. Just take a breath and calm down for a second. The more angry you are the more she is too."

"I can't calm down for a second." She snapped, "I've been trying to stay calm for the past nine months. I don't want this! I hate this!" She was gasping for air now, getting quite worked up.

"You're going to hyperventilate. Please at least just try to breathe."

"I am breathing!"

"Alright, okay." He wasn't exactly sure how to calm her, not really having any leadership over her or Terra's actions and emotions. "Let's just work on getting Terra to stop, yeah?"

"You don't understand! She won't stop! She never stops! It doesn't matter what I do or say she doesn't listen to me!"

"May I try?" He tried to keep his tone steady in contrast to hers.

"She doesn't listen, Doctor." She shook her head, "You've tried before and she doesn't listen."

"So... how about I try something new?"

"Fine. Anything"

"I want to see if I can temporarily tap into your connection with her. I'll be able to directly talk to her that way."

"Whatever, just make her stop."

He put his fingers at her temples, entering her mind. It was very tense, her thoughts abundant and pushing against him on all sides. _"River, I need a little help navigating."_

 _Her connection is in the back_. She made a path towards Terra. He stumbled through the path she created, tripping over whizzing thoughts. River tried to calm her thoughts so he could get through.

The connection had healed significantly since the last he'd seen it, though it still looked raw. He carefully leaned down and wrapping his hand around the wispy, pulsing rope, focusing his mind on Terra.

Terra's thoughts hit him hard, exploding through the connection. He nearly tumbled back, taking a moment to brace himself against the onslaught. _Terra. Terra, it's Dad. Calm down._

She didn't listen, the thoughts completely incoherent.

 _River, can you understand any of this?_ He had taken the burden of Terra's mind off River's for now.

 _Not really. She's angry, but that's all I know._

He tried sending back calming thoughts to his daughter, simple scenes of calm water and rain, including the sounds.

Terra started to calm, her thoughts becoming intelligible requests asking what was going on. The Doctor tried to explain that these were just images from his mind about what the world looked like. _Lovie, what's got you so angry?_

 _Mummy!_ The word shot sharply at him. She was still kicking roughly at River's back.

 _You're going to have to explain why to me._

 _Mummy won't talk! Mummy not nice!_

 _Doesn't Mummy tell you lovely stories?_ He seemed confused.

 _Yes, but she does not listen._

 _I'll listen._ He soothed.

 _NO!_

 _Why not? What can't you tell me?_

 _You're not mummy._

 _No, I'm not. But I do care about the both of you a very great deal and I'm just trying to help._

Terra made the mental equivalent of a scream, throwing a fit. He winced, wondering how River could bear this for so long. _River, you wouldn't happen to have a side of the story, would you?_

 _She was asking me a question and I didn't want to answer._ River was tired and wanted to sleep.

 _It seems to be more than that. Something that was more in the long term._

 _We don't get along._

 _Enough to cause all this?_

 _I don't want to do this now. I want to sleep._

 _If I let go, she'll just go back at it._ He reminded.

She groaned, _Then don't reconnect us._

 _That won't solve anything._

 _Fine! What do you want from me?_ She was snappish too now.

 _It's not what I_ want _, it's what your daughter_ needs _._ Though it did happen that he wanted their relationship to improve, it wasn't about him.

 _I've given her what she needs. What I need is some privacy and sleep, which she seems very keen on making sure I don't have._

 _River, what she needs is a mother who listens to her, not just houses her._

 _I do listen to her! You have no idea what our relationship is like! I listen and I give her what she wants but sometimes I need my own thoughts._ She was growing angrier and angrier, her mind growing hot with misdirected rage _, I think you need to go._

He wanted to protest but didn't. He'd just been trying to understand their dynamic, but both she and Terra hadn't really given him anything to work off of. _What do I do with your connection?_

 _I don't care what you do, just get out._

He hesitated before putting in a temporary block and quickly retracting his mind.

River kept her eyes closed, not wanting to look at him.

"I..." He wasn't sure what to say, sure that River was quite mad at him. "I can, um, sleep on the couch tonight... If you... want me away." He wanted to reach out and hold her, or at the very least hold her hand. "River... I'm so sorry."

She buried her face in her hands, not wanting him to see her crying.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

Terra had stopped kicking, confused about the absence River's mind.

"No." She whispered, slowly getting up, wiping at her eyes.

"Did I... Do you want me to undo the block?"

"No." She headed for the stairs, wanting to go to bed. The block would be dissipated within a few days anyways.

He didn't know whether he was allowed to follow or not, not having gotten an answer on that.

Toby stayed downstairs with the Doctor, pacing anxiously. "I really screwed up." He sighed heavily at the dog.

It felt like he'd only just got her back, and he knew that he wouldn't get another chance if this turned into something as huge as the fight they'd previously had. Toby barked and sat at his feet, whining.

"Every time I try to help, I just make it all worse." He bent down and pat the dog's head. Toby barked again, upset by the tension he sensed. "Sh, you'll wake everyone up." He hushed. He'd decided to go up after River had fallen asleep, not really wanting to sleep on the couch.

It didn't take long for River to fall asleep, exhausted from the day. She hadn't even bothered to take her shoes off. The Doctor gave it a good half hour before he headed up, Toby on his heels.

He looked over his wife and took her shoes off for her with as gentle a touch he could manage before changing himself. Toby jumped up on the bed, curling up on the end to go to sleep. River wasn't disturbed by the movement in the room, out cold.

The Doctor slipped into bed, shutting the light off. He carefully rested his hand over hers, whispering a goodnight. He didn't sleep for a while, though, kept up by his worries.


	59. Safe

**Ch 59**

River woke up in the middle of the night, shaking and screaming, another night terror disrupting her sleep.

The Doctor sat up, not having fallen asleep yet. "River? River!" Her eyes flew open as she tried to catch her breath. He squeezed her hand, tone softening. "Are you alright?"

"Yes...I'm fine." She whispered.

"You were screaming."

"I had a nightmare." She whispered.

"I could tell." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand as Arthur started crying from the other room. River sighed, taking another moment before getting up to get Arthur.

"Mummaaah!" Arthur cried out for her.

"I'm coming!" She called as she walked into his room. He looked quite distressed, calming only slightly when she turned on the lights. "What's wrong, my sweet?" She asked, going to lift him.

He clung to her, about as distressed as she'd been. "Mummuh!"

"Did you have a nightmare?" She asked softly, rocking him and kissing his forehead to calm him. He gave an affirming whimper, tears dampening her shirt. "Okay, okay. You're alright now. Mummy's got you." She sat down in the rocking chair, humming soothingly.

He sniffled, starting to calm. "Mummuh." She hushed him, rocking him back and forth. He sniffled at looked up at her. "Papa?"

"He's in my room."

"Mummah, Papa." He insisted.

"Alright, we'll go see him."

"No need to get up." Came a voice from the doorway. River's eyes flicked up at the sound of the words. "Hey." The Doctor walked in. "Sorry, I just wanted to see if you needed help or anything."

"No, we're fine." She murmured.

"Papa!" Arthur wiggled.

"Go see him." River set Arthur on the floor so he could crawl over to the Doctor.

Arthur crawled to the Doctor, hugging his leg. The man picked him up. "Hello there."

Arthur flapped his arms, wiggling when he got picked up.

"Did Mummy make you feel better?"

"Mumma." He hummed, looking at River.

"Yes, she has that effect." He smiled softly. "Did you have a bad dream, lovie?" Arthur's eyes grew big and watery at the reminder of his nightmare. "Oh no, don't worry, Arthur. It was only a dream and nothing more. It's alright."

Despite his words of comfort, Arthur started to whimper.

"Sh, sh. It's alright." The Doctor held him close and rocked him a bit. Arthur calmed a bit after snuggling in his father's arms.

"Riv, I can put him back to bed if you want to go sleep." He murmured.

She nodded, getting up and starting to head back to bed, "Thank you."

He offered a warm smile. "No problem. I'll be back there soon." She smiled weakly, going back to bed.

The Doctor felt some of the tension that had been keeping him up leave him as he rocked his son, trying to get him to fall asleep.

"Pay." Arthur wiggled, not wanting to sleep.

"It's the middle of the night sweetheart. Maybe not..."

Arthur started to babble, but eventually grew sleepy again. "That's it lovie." The Doctor eased Arthur back into his crib. The boy snuggled up with his whale, relaxing back into sleep. His father made to leave when Arthur started snoring, turning out the light.

River was having trouble finding a comfortable position to fall back asleep in, tossing and turning in their bed. "You alright?" He asked when he came in, seeing all the shifting.

"I can't get comfortable." She murmured.

"Backache?" He tried to guess, going and sitting on the bed.

She nodded, "Yes."

"Would you like a back massage? That helped when you were this far along with the girls."

She nodded again, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to try that."

He scooted over to her on the bed and started rubbing her back. She was tense, but the back rub helped calm her. He hummed very quietly as he applied pressure. He'd done this enough to know how to move his hands in a way that helped. The tension melted as he massaged her back, and she began to fall asleep.

He continued until he was sure she was in a peaceful sleep. He went and turned the lights out, feeling brave enough to curl up with her. "Goodnight, love."

Tiber padded into the room and onto the bed for a peaceful night's rest with the Doctor and River.

In the morning, the Doctor found that in fact all of their cats were curled up among River and him. River was still fast asleep when the Doctor woke, as were the girls and Arthur.

He debated getting up and cooking breakfast but concluded not to so he wouldn't disturb the others on the bed.

The cats began to wake, stretching and jumping off the bed. The alarm went off about ten minutes later, the cats chorusing in their want for food.

River groaned, slowly waking up.

"Morning, love." He murmured.

She blinked, eyes shifting to look at him, "Morning."

He smiled. "Do you want breakfast?"

She blinked, thinking for a moment, "No, not really."

"Oh." He nodded. "We have a few minutes before we have to get the girls up. I can bring them to school if you want."

"That would be nice, thank you." She nuzzled her head against the pillows, relaxed at her newly quiet mind.

"Dundenbar." He said. "I think we should do it this weekend."

"Really? You think so?" She asked, opening her eyes.

He nodded. "You said you wanted to go before Terra came, and with that date so close, there probably won't be a better time."

"Is this because of what happened last night?" She asked.

"No." He assured. "Just timing is all."

"Oh..." She sighed softly, the memories of the night before stinging her mind.

"I'm sorry. About last night I mean." He murmured.

"I don't want to talk about it," River whispered.

He gave a small nod and Tiber jumped back on the bed, meowing at the pair.

"Shhhh." River hushed him, wanting to go back to sleep.

"He's hungry. I'll feed him." The Doctor offered. "You sleep."

River didn't protest, feeling very sluggish and sleepy. The Doctor went downstairs to feed the pets as Terra nudged softly at River's side.

River put her hand to her side, running her hand against the skin beneath her shirt. Terra's nudges migrated to follow that patterns of her hand. River let her hand fall still, palm pressing against her belly. Terra pushed against it a few more times before shifting to have her back settled against her hand.

Once her daughter had stilled, River closed her eyes, ready to slip back into sleep.

The smell of food cooking came from downstairs and eventually little footsteps could be heard going down them. River fell asleep as the girls ran downstairs, going to see what the Doctor had made for breakfast.

He was setting eggs and sausages on the table, looking over at his daughters. "Look who's awake."

"Morning!" Amelia chirped, popping into her chair.

"You two look like you're feeling a lot better. How's your head, Freya?"

"Better." The girl shrugged, though it still ached.

"Did you put ice on it?" He asked, already going to get her some.

She shook her head. "Do we hafta go back to school today?"

"I'm afraid so, but don't worry. I fixed all that nonsense with the nurse so it's alright now." He gave her the ice. "Keep that on your head."

"Can I stay home today?" She asked quietly.

"Well... why don't we ask Mummy about that once you've finished your food."

Freya nodded, sitting down to eat her breakfast. He ate with his daughters, trying to engage them in conversation. Amelia was much more talkative than Freya who was quiet for most of the meal.

When the Doctor cleared the plates away, Freya hurried upstairs to convince her mum she should stay home.

River was just starting to wake again when her daughter came in. Freya went over to River's side of the bed, peering up at her. "Mumma?"

River yawned, looking sleepily over at her daughter, "Good morning, sweetheart."

"Mummy, do I hafta go to school today?" She got right to her question.

River frowned slightly, "Are you not feeling well?" She reached out to put a hand on Freya's forehead. Her forehead was fine and she looked at the floor.

"No, I um, I don't... I don't want to go today."

River sighed, taking a minute to think about it, "Alright, just this once you can stay home, but I don't this to become a regular request."

The girl brightened. "It's almost summer, anyways. Then I won't hafta go to school then."

She nodded, "Yes, I know, but still."

Freya nodded her understanding, trying to climb up on the bed. River helped her up, wrapping the blankets around her. She cuddled up to River. "Do you and Daddy fit in with the other grown ups?"

River shook her head, "No, not really."

"Then why don't you wanna go make friends with people like us, too?"

"Well, we do have friends. We have Uncle Jack and Auntie Vastra and Jenny and Clara."

"Auntie Vastra and Jenny don't even live in this century." She sighed. "And they're different. I mean... well what do you and Daddy do while we're at school?"

"Well… we spend time with each other and Arthur. We take him to the park and we play with Toby."

"Don't you go and see your friends. Like from work or the places you've been."

"Sometimes, but we have to stay close in case you need us."

"When can we start the club thing that Daddy was talking about so we can have friends who aren't human?"

"Maybe this weekend, but I can't promise anything."

"Oh. Okay."

"Why don't you get some rest, I'm going to go check on your brother?" River murmured, starting to get out of bed.

"I'm not tired. Can I come?" Freya asked.

"Of course." She nodded, holding her hand out for the girl to take. Freya hopped off the bed and took her mother's hand.


	60. Peonies

**Ch 60**

River brought Freya to Arthur's room, opening the door quietly. The baby was still sleeping, snoring softly. His whale was stuck between the bars of the crib.

River smiled softly, not daring to move the whale in case it woke him.

"He's lucky he doesn't have to worry about school at all." Freya murmured.

"When you were his age, neither did you." River hugged her daughter, wishing she could make her feel better.

"Where is my sister going to go to school?"

"Well, we don't know yet, my love." River murmured, "Daddy and I still have to pick a school."

"I hope it's close." She whispered.

"It will be, I promise."

Freya relaxed a bit as Arthur started to stir. River leaned over the crib, running her fingers along Arthur's hand, "Morning, my sweet."

He yawned and blinked up at her. "Muh!" She laughed, scooping him up and kissing his cheeks. He whined a bit. "Lulu."

"You want Lulu?" She asked, handing him the whale. He grabbed it and hugged it, cheering up again. He giggled and saw his sister. "Yaya!"

"Arthur!" Freya smiled, tickling his feet. He laughed harder, squirming away from her hands. Freya laughed, kissing his knee.

"Papa." He wiggled.

"Okay, let's go see Papa." River smiled.

The Doctor was downstairs helping Amelia pack her bag. River walked down with Arthur and Freya, bouncing the baby in her arms. Amelia grinned when she saw River, hurrying over and hugging her legs.

"Good morning, Amelia." River smiled, wrapping her free arm around her daughter.

"Freya, why aren't you ready? Amelia asked.

"I'm gonna stay home today. Mummy said I could."

"Why is Freya staying home?" She looked up at River.

"Well, after what happened yesterday, she wanted to stay home another day just to get better."

"Oh. Can I still go?"

"Of course you can." River nodded, smiling at her, "Are you just about ready?"

Amelia nodded and turned to her sister. "I'll say hi to Matty for you." Freya nodded, waving goodbye to her sister. The Doctor, Amelia, and Toby were quickly out the door.

"Now, I think we should go get dressed." River murmured.

"Can I play with Arthur?"

"How about you get dressed first."

"Alright." She agreed, hurrying upstairs.

River went up as well to get herself dressed, then Arthur dressed for the day. Arthur insisted on having his whale the whole time, very talkative today.

River talked with him, happy that he was so perky today. He mostly just babbled about his sisters, the dog, and his whale, not making too much sense aside from the names. River hummed softly as she got them ready, going to meet Freya once she was done.

Freya was already dressed in some overalls and a t-shirt, rummaging through her toy box. River set Arthur down on the floor, "What do you want to do, my love?"

"I wanna find a toy for my little sister." She said as Arthur started crawling around.

"Would you like me to take you to the toy store so you can pick one out?"

She nodded. "Should we wait for Daddy?"

"Yes, we can go when he gets back."

Freya stopped rummaging when Arthur had made it over to her, poking her with his whale. "Pay!" Arthur cheered.

She smiled and took a stuffed stingray she had, moving it in wavy motions. Arthur did the same with the whale, giggling at the motion. "This is Ray," Freya said. "Ray and Lulu can be best friends."

"Ay! Lulu!" Arthur beamed. Freya and Arthur played with their stuffed animals until the Doctor came home, announcing his arrival from downstairs.

"Freya, my love, I'll be right back." River headed down the stairs to meet her husband.

The Doctor was letting Toby out of his leash when she came down, a peony in his hand. River was about to say something when her eyes caught sight of the flower, and her voice stopped short. He looked up at her and smiled softly, following her line of sight.

"Amelia pointed them out to me. They were growing outside the school."

"It's lovely." She smiled back at him.

He offered her the flower. "Where are the kids?"

"They're upstairs playing." She murmured as she took the flower, smelling it, "I told Freya we could go to the toy store to pick out a toy for Terra."

"That's a lovely idea, but I don't doubt Freya and Arthur will want a toy, too."

"I'm sure they will."

"So, shall we go do that now or later?"

"We can go now." River murmured. "They're all dressed and ready." She smiled.

He chuckled. "Always one step ahead of me, wife." She leaned in for a kiss, laughing as well.

Toby hurried upstairs as the pair shared a kiss. River hummed against his lips, "I was thinking, maybe we could go to dinner in a few days, just us."

"Maybe on Saturday before our outing?" He suggested.

She nodded, "It can be my birthday present from you." She grinned.

"You mean my second birthday present for you." He corrected.

"There's a first?" She smiled.

"What kind of husband do you take me for?" He bopped her nose.

She scrunched her nose, laughing. He laughed, too, as Toby barked from the top of the stairs.

"Alright, we're coming." River gave her husband one last peck, then headed up the stairs.

The family was out of the house pretty quickly, Arthur in his stroller chewing on Lulu's tail. River held the Doctor's hand as they walked, happy to be out with most of her family.

Their day was spent simply. The kids wanted to stay in the toy store for a good hour before Freya insisted they go to the park. She'd picked out a rattle-like thing for Terra with lots of little nobs to nibble on, as babies liked to do.

River let the kids get ice cream, getting a small bit for herself but mostly helping Arthur eat his. The boy made a mess with the treat, getting it all over his face and shirt. Luckily, River came prepared with napkins and wipes for her son's hands and face.

"I think we ought to give him a bath when we get home." The Doctor said.

"This one loves to get dirty." River kissed Arthur's cheeks once they were ice cream free. The boy giggled.

"And we ought to give Lulu a wash." The Doctor added.

"Yes, Arthur, I'm afraid Lulu will need to take a bath too."

The boy looked up at her, puzzled. He then hugged the whale closer, afraid she might take his new friend away.

"I think it's time to go home."

"I'm not done yet," Freya spoke up. "Can I bring my cup?"

"Of course." River nodded. With that they went home, Arthur growing sleepy.

River tried to make Arthur's ride home as smooth as possible so he could take a nap. He was barely keeping his eyes open by the time they got home and got his bath ready.

River held him up as he practically fell asleep in the bath. Terra nudged against River's ribs. River tried to ignore her daughter, concentrating on giving Arthur a bath.

The Doctor popped in after getting Freya settled. "Need help?"

"Yes, a bit." She nodded, "Can you hold him up?"

He nodded and went to hold up the boy who was just about fully asleep by now, the warm water lulling him.

River gently rubbed shampoo in his hair, being careful not to disturb him, "My poor baby's so tired."

"Tuckered himself out." The Doctor smiled. "Adorable, though."

River smiled, "I can't believe he's already one."

"It feels like more time than that. I wonder what the terrible two's has in store for us."

"Oh, I can only imagine."

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to the boy's forehead. River finished washing his hair, humming softly. Terra nudged again, even softer. River held her breath, ignoring the movement once more.

"We ought to pick up Amelia soon." The Doctor murmured.

She nodded, "Yes, do you want me to go?"

"If you're comfortable with it." He seemed indifferent. "Though one of us should stay and put Arthur down for his nap."

"I can stay." She offered quickly, "He may have trouble falling back to sleep if he wakes up."

The Doctor nodded and rose, moving to kiss the top of his wife's head. "I'll be back soon, then."

"I'll see you in a bit."

Freya peered in a few minutes after her father left, going to sit with River. River was taking Arthur out of the bath when she walked in.

"Where did Daddy go?"

"He went to go get your sister from school."

"Can I help put my brother to bed?"

"If you'd like." River nodded, smiling softly.

"I wanna sing to him." She informed her mum.

"Well, he's already asleep, sweetie." Freya looked up at Arthur who had slumped against River. "You can sing to him when he wakes up if you'd like."

Freya nodded, liking the compromise. "Okay."

River smiled, "I'm going to go get him dressed and put him in his crib. You can help with _that_ if you'd like."

The girl nodded again, determined to be helpful.

River lead her into the nursery, "Can you get Arthur's green pajamas in the dresser for me?" Freya hurried over and picked them out. "Thank you, my love." She smiled.

Arthur stirred slightly as he was changed, though effortlessly fell right back asleep. Once he was warm and in his pajamas, River set him down in his cradle. He curled up happily, Freya peering through the bars.

"When my sister's born, how am I gonna sing her songs?"

River sighed, "I don't know, my sweet. That's a good question."

"Do deaf people have songs?"

"Let's go have a snack." River ignored the question, shooing her daughter out of the room.

Freya didn't bother pushing for an answer, moving right into her curiosity. "Have you ever met someone who couldn't hear before?"

"Yes, I have." River nodded.

"Who?" She asked. "Can you tell me about them?"

"I don't really remember." She shook her head.

"Oh." They got to the kitchen and Freya sat at the table, Toby joining. River got snacks for the two of them, setting them down on the table.

Freya ate happily. "Daddy said we could go to the flower place tomorrow."

"Oh, yes, I forgot." She was a bit distracted, watching Freya eat.

"Ms. L was telling us about flower pressing. Can we do that?"

"If you want we can try it." River nodded.

"I hope they have those flowers Daddy liked to give you. We can press those."

"We'll see, my love. If not, there will be plenty of others to choose from."

Terra nudged River's back again. River sighed, putting a hand on the spot.

"When is my sister going to get here?" Freya asked as Terra shifted against River's hand and settled.

"I don't know exactly, but sometime very soon."

"How soon?" She perked up.

"Well, it could be any day now."

"Oh boy! We gotta finish her room!"

"Yes, we do!" River laughed at her daughter's excitement.

Terra's nursery in the flat was painted and had the essential pieces of furniture, but it was still lacking in things that made it feel welcoming like a rug or toys. The TARDIS nursery, however, was finished.

The front door burst open, Amelia running through, "Freya! Freya we saw a real life police dog in school today!"

"Aw! No fair!" Freya pouted. "Why couldn't they wait until tomorrow?"

Amelia shrugged, handing her sister a picture of her with a dog draped in a police harness.

"I bet Toby could be a police dog." Freya looked over at him.

Toby barked, running to sniff Amelia, and then running to the door to see the Doctor. The Doctor arrived in the kitchen with the dog jumping all over him. "He's acting like I've been gone for eons."

"I promise, you weren't gone for eons." River smiled weakly, going over to give him a kiss.

He smiled, kissing her back as Amelia helped herself to the snacks. "I didn't miss anything, did I?"

"We have to finish our baby sister's room because she's coming now!" Freya exclaimed.

"Coming _now_?" He looked worriedly at River.

"No! No, not coming now." River assured, "I said coming _soon_ , sweetie. Not now."

The Doctor relaxed. "Oh. You had me on my toes there." He looked back at Freya. "Though you do have a point about the nursery."

"We hafta finish it!" Freya repeated.

"Well, what do you think we ought to add, hmm?"

"It needs toys and blankets and books!"

"Would you like to put the toys we bought today in her room?" He asked.

Freya nodded, "Yeah, but it needs blankets and books too."

"We can give some of our books." Amelia piped up.

"But those are too hard for her to read. She needs baby books." Freya reminded.

"Perhaps we should see what's in the TARDIS library. We got a lot of your first books from there." The Doctor suggested.

The girls nodded, "And what about the blankets?" Freya asked.

"Let's see... Mummy made Arthur's and we bought yours... Maybe some shopping?"

They nodded, "We can get one for every color of the rainbow!"

He chuckled, "I don't think she'll need that many, but we can certainly get some colorful ones."

"Okay." They nodded.

"I think I'll stay here, Arthur's still sleeping." River murmured.

The Doctor nodded and gave her another kiss. "We'll bring Toby so you can have some quiet time. Maybe you can take a look in the library for books for Terra while we're out."

She nodded, "That sounds like a good idea." She kissed him once more, "Don't be gone too long."

The girls hugged her legs before following their father out.

"Don't spend too much," River added as they left.

"We won't." The Doctor called back.

Tiber promptly wandered in and rubbed up against River legs. River picked him up and brought him to the TARDIS library. He sat with her, happy to be in the quiet place and have his ears rubbed.

River picked a large stack of books and brought them back to the unfinished nursery. She placed each one carefully on the shelves.

Arthur started whining from the other room. River walked into his nursery, "It's alright, sweetheart."

"Muh." He reached for her.

"Hello, my love." She smiled as she lifted him up. The two other cats who'd been in his crib jumped out.

Arthur cheered up quickly. "Muh!"

She kissed his cheeks, "Arthur! Would you like to help me put books away?"

"Ooks!" He clapped. She smiled, bringing him back to the other room where there were still books on the floor. He wiggled excitedly, only having been in here once or twice.

River began setting the books on the shelves. Arthur grabbed one and tried to mimic River, putting the book backward and sideways. She fixed the book, "Good boy."

He reached for another, pulling into his lap and opening it. River put the rest away as he flipped through the pages. The book was about farm animals, and Arthur was delighted by the pictures.

He stopped and pointed to an image of a cow. "Moo!"

"Yes, very good!"

Arthur pushed the book towards her, wanting River to read it. She pulled him close, reading the book to him.

He delighted himself in mimicking as many animal noises as he could and tracing sloppy pictures of them on River's bump.

River was growing sleepy as she read, yawning and resting her head on the book shelf. Terra moved beneath her skin, Arthur giggling and following all his sister's movements.

River's eyes fluttered closed, breathing evening out as she began to fall asleep.


	61. Human

**Ch 61**

There was a light tapping on River's face from hand's much bigger than Arthur's. Her eyes fluttered open.

"What are you doing asleep, my love?" The man in the bow tie asked. He had lifted Arthur onto his hip.

River blinked frowning slightly, surely she had only had her eyes closed for a moment, how had she not heard him or the girls come back? "Sorry, was I sleeping?"

He nodded. "You've even got marks on your face. Do you want to go lie down in bed?"

"No, no I'm alright." She shook her head, starting to stand, "I didn't mean to fall asleep, I'm alright now. How was shopping?"

"It was lovely." He nodded over to a couple of blankets they'd gotten and put in the cot.

"Good, and where are the girls?"

"Playing 'police dog' with Toby in the back yard."

"Ah, I see." She nodded, "I put the books away." She gestured to the shelf.

"Except one." He murmured, picking up the still open farm animal book on the floor and shelving it.

"Except one." She repeated, watching as the book slid into place on the shelf.

"How was your down time? Besides the nap." He asked as Arthur squirmed and reached for River.

She shrugged, "I spent most of my time picking out the books and bringing them here."

"Good choices." He murmured, looking over the shelves.

She smiled weakly, "I'm glad you think so."

Arthur reached for her again and this time, the Doctor handed him over. "Why don't I go start dinner?"

"Alright, I can help with that." She bounced the baby in her arms.

The boy giggled. "Bees!"

"What's that my sweet?"

"I believe he means peas." The Doctor informed.

"Oh, peas. We can have peas if you want."

"Bees," Arthur repeated.

"And how about for the rest of us? What are you in in the mood for?" The Doctor hummed.

River shrugged, "Nothing in particular."

"Alright, let's see what we have then."

River walked downstairs with the baby, putting him down to play with his blocks. Soon enough the adults found some chicken breast to bake and put dinner together.

River called the girls in and brought Arthur to the table, getting them all started. Amelia told them all about the police dog while they ate and both girls expressed their excitement for tomorrow's adventure.

"Are you sure you girls want to go tomorrow?" River asked.

Both of them nodded. "Yeah! Then we can tell Matty all about it!"

"Girls, you know you can't do that." River shook her head, "We've already talked about this."

"But what if we leave out the planet-y part and just say we went to a place on Earth?"

She sighed, "I still don't think it's a very good idea."

"But I wanna bring her a flower back and where am I gonna say where I got it from?" Freya pushed.

"We've talked about this. You can't bring anything back. I'm sorry, I know you want to but you can't"

"But why?" She demanded. "Flowers won't hurt her!"

"Because I said no." River frowned.

"Freya, lovie," The Doctor started, a bit more gently, "You can't bring back alien flowers to Earth because humans aren't used to them and it's very likely to make them sick. That's why Mummy keeps all her artifacts on the TARDIS."

"But we can clean it!" She suggested.

"Even then, I'm sorry, but it's just too risky. You wouldn't want to make your friend sick, would you? And you can always give her a flower from our garden, or draw her what you saw." He tried to console.

"We never get to share anything we see it's not fair!" She kicked her feet.

He sighed and looked at River. River was frowning, not looking like she had a compromise in mind.

"Maybe we can let them bring back a picture?" He suggested to River, hoping for her approval.

"Doctor." River's tone was still stern, indicating no.

He nodded his understanding. Some of the flowers on Veatir were as big as the girls were, and they weren't allowed to explain that part. "I really am sorry girls, but you just can't. I'm sure we'll all have a really nice time anyways..."

Freya huffed, crossing her arms.

"At least finish your dinner, dearie?" She sighed, eating the rest of her meal.

The rest of the meal was pretty quiet other than the occasional begs for scraps from Toby. The girls went upstairs to get ready for bed after dinner, Freya stomping up the steps.

"We ought to look into that program soon." The Doctor murmured, clearing up the dishes.

"There's a lot of things we ought to be doing soon that aren't getting done," River muttered.

"Huh?" He wasn't sure what she meant by that.

She shook her head, going to wash the dishes. He decided not to push it, for now, trying to figure out what she meant while he did the drying.

She went to put Arthur to bed when they'd cleaned the dishes, "Can you put the girls to bed?"

"Yeah, sure." He nodded, going to his daughter's room.

The girls didn't give the Doctor too much trouble, wanting their usual story before bed. He made up a sweet one about kids from different planet becoming friends before tucking them in.

"Goodnight," Amelia whispered as the light was turning out.

He glanced back at them, before heading off to his and River's room. River came into the room once Arthur went down, sighing.

"Alright there, love?"

"Yes, I'm fine." She breathed.

"You sound stressed." He observed. "Anything I can do?"

"Not really." She sighed again, sitting on the edge of the bed. He scooted over, hands ghosting over her back and resting on her shoulders. She squirmed away from his touch, "Doctor, please, don't."

"Sorry." He took his hands away. She buried her head in her hands, whole body tense. "Um... How about you take a hot shower. Maybe that'll help."

"A hot shower isn't going fix anything."

"I was just hoping it would help relax you a little." He sighed.

"I don't see how I will ever be able to relax again now that we're about to have four children."

He was a bit taken back, having thought this was about the topic at dinner. "Um, well... I'm sure it will be a challenge..."

"Not helping." She muttered.

"I'm sure we can figure it out, dear. There's two of us two pairs of little helping hands sleeping in the other room." He tried again. "We've got lots of people who will be happy to help us get into the rhythm of things, even if it does take some practice."

She shook her head, staring at the floor now, "This isn't at all what I want and I just can't do it."

He wanted to reach out to her again but remembered she didn't really want to be touched. He felt a bit useless. "I'm sorry, River. I don't know if it's any consolation, but I'll be here no matter what and whatever I can do to help, I will."

"I'm going to go to bed." She went to change into her nightgown.

"Alright." He whispered.

She crawled into bed once dressed, turning out the light on her side of the bed. He turned his light out too. "Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight." She whispered back.

-x-

Thursday passed by without much said by anyone, though the Doctor tried his best to make any sort of conversation. It mostly consisted of him spouting random facts and anecdotes, which he wasn't bad at, but wasn't really helping anything.

The girls decided that they didn't want to go to Veatir yet, making it clear that extraterrestrial adventures weren't going to be enjoyable anytime soon. It turned out to be a night in, though the Doctor helped cheer his daughters up a little with some football in the backyard.

On Friday, they were starting to get back to their normal selves and insisted on a sleepover at Matty's house (which they said Matty's mum had already agreed to).

River agreed to the sleepover, feeling a bit guilty about the trip to Veatir. The sleepover would mean that the girls would be gone for a part of her birthday, though the day didn't really matter to her anyway, so she let them go.

"I have a thought." The Doctor said that afternoon. The two were sitting on the living room couch with the majority of their pets, watching an old rom-com .

"Hmm?" River hummed, stroking Toby's head, attention still mostly focused on the movie.

"You know how I was going to take you to dinner then Dundenbar? What if we do dinner tonight instead of tomorrow, and stay somewhere nice tonight, then do Dundenbar in the morning? I've got a very nice reservation for us."

She looked over at him, "Tonight _and_ tomorrow? What will we do with Arthur?"

"Have Vastra babysit like we planned. The little man ardors her." He answered. The boy was currently upstairs, taking a nap. "We don't have to have him experience the full amount of time. We can drop him off and pick him up at the times we agreed. Time machine, remember?"

She thought it over, "Yes, I suppose that we could do it."

"The TARDIS will take care of Toby and the cats." He added.

A small smile crossed her lips, "It sounds like you thought this all through."

He nodded excitedly. "Had it planned for a while. Though I suppose it does involve you agreeing to move dinner to tonight."

"And you do realize that today is my due date." She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes..." He said slowly. "I also know that you've been complaining about her head being jammed in your ribs all day, so I'm guessing she's opposed to having a birthday today. And I do promise all the excitement will be tomorrow. This evening will be enjoyable, relaxing, and romantic if I do say so myself. If she does decide to come, well... I'll park the TARDIS close."

"Alright, alright I was just making sure you were aware. I never thought I'd hear an offer of an exciting adventure from Mister Protective on my due date, that's all." She teased.

"Mister Protective isn't taking the evening off, mind you. He'll just be quiet is all, and a tad less annoying. Though he is wondering if you've felt anything that might be worrisome and cause to stay in."

"No, I haven't felt anything even the slightest bit alarming." She smiled, "Don't you worry your pretty little head."

"So, a yes?"

"Yes." She nodded.

He grinned. "Shall we finish the movie?"

She shook her head, "What's the point in watching a romance when I can go live one?"

"You have a point there." He chuckled.

"I'll go back a bag for Arthur."

"And I'll go pack a bag for us."

She gave him a kiss. They headed upstairs to get ready.

River insisted on triple checking Arthur's bag to make sure everything he could possibly need was in it before they left.

Arthur, who was awake now, kept trying to take the toys out of the bag every time River rummaged through.

"River, dear, I'm telling you it's fine. Packed it myself, everything's in there. Relax, love." The Doctor soothed.

River sighed, finally closing the bag, "You're right, I'm sure it's fine." She breathed.

Arthur had managed to pull his whale out of the bag and hugged it close.

"It'll only be a few hours for him." The Doctor reminded as they headed into the TARDIS.

"Yes, yes I know." She still fussed over the boy on the short ride to Vastra's.

Arthur was giggling and babbling about Lulu when they landed. Vastra strolled in, a wrapped gift under her arm.

River was bouncing the boy in her arms when the woman entered. "I feel as though I haven't seen you in ages."

Vastra smiled and moved to hug the woman. "Nonsense. It's been only a fortnight."

River hugged her tightly, "Well, I'm glad to see you."

"And I, you. Happy birthday, River."

"Thank you." She smiled, though her birthday wasn't technically until tomorrow, "And thank you for agreeing to watch Arthur."

"It's my pleasure." Vastra tickled the tot's chin, eliciting a loud squeal from him. "And I brought you this." She handed over the gift.

"Oh, you didn't have to do that." River shook her head, taking the gift.

"It's your birthday, River. Did you really think I'd pass up the opportunity?"

"Well, no." She smiled, "Shall I open it now?"

"Or whatever other time you deem fit."

Arthur reached for the shiny wrapping paper. "I think Arthur would like to help me." She smiled, letting the baby pull on the wrapping till it tore.

Arthur quickly put the bit of wrapping in his mouth, excited by the new thing.

River pulled back the rest of the paper to see what her friend had gotten her. It was a thin, wooden tablet with an ancient language scrawled neatly on it in ten centered lines. The bordering was beautifully carved flowers and plants. "Oh, Vastra it's beautiful." She smiled as Arthur spat out the wrapping paper and tried to reach for the gift.

"It's a poem in the language of my people. I can't take credit for writing it, but I did carve it myself."

"Thank you so much." She went to hug her friend, holding the gift out of Arthur's reach.

"Nuh." The boy squirmed as the two friends managed a hug around him and River's large belly.

River's attention was pulled back to Arthur, "We packed everything he could possibly need, diapers, pajamas, a change of clothes, a sweater, books, toys, blankets, snacks and a bottle. He's already taken his mid-day nap, but if he gets fussy you could try to put him down again."

"I'm sure we'll be just fine." Vastra he held her arms out for the boy. River passed Arthur over, as well as his bag.

"We'll be back before you know it. I love you, Arthur." River gave him a kiss on the cheek, "And thank you again for watching him Vastra."

She nodded and smiled. "Say goodbye to your Mummy."

"Bye-bye!" Arthur waved to both of his parents.

"See you soon, little man." The Doctor waved them off as Vastra exited the ship with their son.


	62. In Paris

**Ch 62**

"Just the two of us now." River murmured once they were alone.

"That is the idea of a date. Do you want to change into something fancy? It's a very nice restaurant."

"I would love to." She smiled, "Would you like to help?"

He nodded eagerly. She smiled, pulling him to their bedroom. They peered into the closet.

"What about that one?" River asked, pulling out a purple and gold dress.

"Ooh, snazzy. But I don't know if I have a bow tie for it." The Doctor pondered, going over to his collection to check.

"And I don't know if I can fit in it." She murmured, trying to pull the dress on. He went to help her with the zipper, but it became clear this dress was meant for an earlier stage of maternity.

"Alright, not this one then." She muttered, searching for another one.

He pulled out a light blue one that got darker as it went down. "This one?"

"Maybe, but it doesn't look much bigger than this one." She took it to try. It was a bit looser, but still not a good fit.

They kept searching.

Six dresses later and River was growing frustrated, "How does an infinite time machine not have a dress big enough for me to fit into."

"I'm sure it does." The Doctor called from the depths of the closet.

"How about this?" He emerged with a dress of loose material. It was a navy blue, fabric draping in strategic layers from the high waistline.

"I suppose it doesn't hurt to try." She sighed, taking the dress and putting it on. This one slipped easily over her head, fitting nicely around her.

"There we are."

"Finally." She breathed

He smiled softly. "You look amazing."

She shook her head, "Oh, please. I look huge."

"Yes, being pregnant does have that effect. That doesn't mean you look any less amazing. You're glowing, love." He insisted, his hand ghosting down her arm to take her own and give it a soft squeeze.

She smiled weakly, "Well, at least one of us thinks so."

He put on some sort of mock expression of rightness. "I know for a fact that there is a universe out there with trillions of lifeforms who would agree with me."

She laughed, "Well I think it's about time we go."

"I'll meet you in the console room." He nodded, needing to get changed as well.

"What? You don't want me to stay?"

"Well I didn't wrap your surprise, and if you stayed you'd see it and it wouldn't be a surprise anymore."

She raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Alright, then. I'll meet you in the console room."

The Doctor changed quickly into his suit and matching bow tie, joining River ten minutes later with the surprise behind his back. River was sitting on the pilot chair, smiling when she saw him.

"Alright, River, I lied. I actually have two surprises for you." He sauntered up to her.

"Two? Well, aren't I a lucky girl." She purred.

"First," He presented a hand which was holding a sparkling silver necklace with a flat, oblong pendant that had two diamonds encrusted in it.

"Oh, my..." She breathed, "It's beautiful, Doctor."

"I thought you might like it." He grinned, helping her put it on.

"I love it, thank you." She whispered.

"And the the next one..." He took her hands and carefully wrapped her fingers around a very familiar looking blue book, though the binding and cover were new and uncracked, as were the crisp blank pages in between.

Her brow furrowed, "Another diary?"

"You ran out of room in your last one, didn't you? I thought maybe with all that was going on, it would be nice to have this to write in again."

"My old one is just fine. The TARDIS has been adding pages for me, I thought you knew that." She looked down at the book, looking a bit uncomfortable at the sight, "...Is this because of the other book you found."

He had nearly forgotten about that, having tried to put that matter aside since that was what she'd asked. "No, not at all. I just didn't know about the adding pages thing..."

"Oh." She breathed, "Well it was very sweet of you to think of this."

He could tell it wasn't really what she wanted, but he smiled weakly. "Off to dinner then?"

"Yes, dinner sounds wonderful." She nodded.

He quickly tried to move back into his enthusiasm, piloting them to their dinner reservation, which happened to be on the top of the Eiffel Tower in 2154.

River watched him with a bit of worry and apprehension. He obviously wasn't pleased with her reaction to his gift, and she should have done a better job at reacting to it, but it had made her uneasy.

The ship landed. "Ready?"

"Yes, I am." She smiled and nodded. He lead her out into the warm evening, onto the balcony of the tower. "You picked a beautiful night." She commented.

The city glowed beneath them and the TARDIS got rid of the new dairy that had been left on the jump seat.

The Doctor lead them over to their table. He'd reserved the whole balcony, so aside from the waiters, they were the only ones there.

"I've never seen it so empty up here." River murmured, looking out at the view from their table.

"I booked a private event." He informed, looking at how the light graced her face.

"Well, you really have outdone yourself." She murmured, "It's absolutely beautiful."

He smiled more genuinely. "I'm glad you like it."

She took in the scene around them, sighing, "You've obviously worked so hard to plan this night and make it so perfect, and I feel I've not played the right part. I'm sorry."

"How can you think that? Is this about the present? Because, really, it's fine that you don't like it. I don't have to get it right all the time."

She bit her lip and shook her head, "Never mind."

He reached for her hand. "No, tell me."

"If you don't see it as a problem then I'd rather not make it one." She shook her head again.

He nodded seeing her point. "It's just that this is all for you and I don't want you to be feeling guilty or disappointed or anything."

"I promise you, I'm not at all disappointed." She smiled.

"Then let's just enjoy the evening."

She nodded, "Of course."

The dinner went fairly smoothly after that. Nothing blew up or tried to shoot at them and the waiters brought them a wonderful assortment of food.

River and the Doctor chatted about this and that, laughing with each other and gazing at the bright city. River had quite an enjoyable time with her husband, and their dinner lasted long into the night.

After a passionate kiss under the moon, they went to the hotel the Doctor had gotten a room at. It was known for its excellent spa, but both of them were tired enough that it could wait until the morning.

River, rather tired, sat down on the bed with a content sigh. The mattress was very plush, and the blankets soft. The Doctor started changing, shedding his fancy clothes. "There's a lovely spa we can check out in the morning."

She nodded, "I'm sure it's wonderful." He moved to sit beside her. "Would you mind taking my shoes off for me?" She asked, "I'm afraid heels weren't the best footwear choice."

He nodded and kneeled in front on her to help her with the shoes. Once he got them off, he started gently rubbing her ankles.

"You don't have to do that." She murmured, closing her eyes.

"I want to." He hummed. She gave in easily and practically melted into the bed, humming contently. He massaged her feet and ankles until there practically wasn't a single knot in them, then joined her on the bed.

"You have amazing hands." She smiled, kissing his chin.

He chuckled. "I'm pleased you think so." He kissed her nose, then her cheek, then her lips.

She melted into his arms, sighing happily. "You know, I could think of a number of uses for those hands."

"Could you now?"

River nodded, taking his hands and guiding them. The Doctor grinned when he realized what she was doing, easily participating.

-x-

"Doctor?" River murmured. They lay naked under the silky sheets of their bed, his shoulder pillowing her head.

He traced circles on her skin. "Hmm?"

"Why didn't Terra regenerate?"

He paused his movements and looked at her. "Why would she have cause to regenerate?"

"Because...if I...I hurt her enough to stop her hearing then wouldn't it make her regenerate?" She avoided his eyes.

He shook his head. "No. I still don't believe that it was caused by you, just something that she developed. And if what I think is true it would explain why she didn't."

"Do you really think that it wasn't my fault?"

"I really do." He nodded resuming his soothing motions. "The inner ear is behind the skull and there's no evidence of skull or brain damage. Nothing you did could've had this result."

"Have you checked? For brain damage, I mean? Because I never-" She was growing more upset, her eyes wet.

"Yes, River. I did that test, don't worry, she's fine." He assured.

She didn't feel much better, "You shouldn't have had to do that in the first place."

"It a secondary test after we found out about her hearing." He said, making his voice as soothing as he could. "It was a precautionary scan."

"But did you think you were going to find something?" She whispered.

"It was really only to see if the hearing loss was related to deformity with her ear or a synaptic malfunction, so anything I expected to find was related to that, not the rest of her brain."

River nodded, though she still looked a bit shaken, "I'm glad you had at least some faith in me."

"Always." He smiled weakly. "It'll be alright."

"I hope so." She tried to smile, though it did not look very genuine.

He slowly cupped her face, stroking his thumb over her skin. "Just rest now, hmm? It's been a wonderful night and there's so much more tomorrow." His voice was soft and lullaby-esque. "Our daughter his just fine, there's not need to worry."

She nodded, leaning into his touch, "Thank you for making tonight so wonderful." She murmured, trying to relax again.

He leaned forward and kissed her gently. "You're welcome, love."

She smiled when their lips touched, feeling better. They kissed for a very long moment before he pulled away from it with a soft smile. "Sleep?"

She nodded, "Sleep."

They curled up under the silky sheets, cuddling up to each other. It didn't take River long to fall into a contented sleep.

"I love you." He whispered, kissing her forehead and listened to her even breathing until he followed her into dreaming.

River slept peacefully through the night and late into the next morning. There was a plate of food on the night table on her side of the bed, something the Doctor had got for her. He'd long ago crawled back into bed, though, watching her sleep.

She started waking up, blinking up at him. He smiled, a bit of a silhouette from the light coming in the windows. "Morning."

"Morning." She smiled back at him.

"Happy real birthday." He kissed her nose.

"Thank you." She pulled him down for a real kiss. He made a surprised noise, though quickly and willingly surrendered to her lips.

She giggled against his lips, "Did I startle you?"

"A bit." He chuckled.

"I'm sorry, darling." She stroked his cheek.

He smiled. "It's fine, love."

"What do you have planned for us this morning?" She purred.

He grinned. "I booked us a spot at the spa and that'll include massages, hot tubs, and some very nice skin treatments. Then lunch wherever you want in the universe. And Dundenbar after that- unless you want a rest first, in which case we can do that in between. ...I suppose that covers more than just the morning."

"It sounds like you have a very enjoyable day planned for us." She smiled, nuzzling his cheek, "Though I hope our appointments aren't too early."

"They aren't." He assured.

"So we can stay in bed for a bit then." She murmured.

He nodded, giving her nose a kiss. "Yes, but I will point out that it's probably later than you think it is."

"Hmm?" She hummed, "What time is it?"

"Nearly eleven."

"Oh, really?" She frowned.

"Well, we did have a pretty late night." He reminded.

"Yes, I suppose we did."

He readjusted his arms around her. "We can have a late lunch."

"I'm not opposed to that." He smiled and cuddled up to her.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I know."

They spent another thirty minutes there, just quietly enjoying each other's company. They helped each other dress when they finally decided to get up, hands tenderly brushing over skin and doing up buttons.

The staff were waiting for them when they got down to the spa, ready to pamper them. River was enjoying their day a great deal, glowing with happiness. The pampering only made her mood better, relaxing her tense muscles. They were in the sauna when The Doctor suggested lunch.

"The morning went by so quickly." River murmured as they left and got changed for lunch.

"They say time flies if you're having a having a good time." He pointed out.

She hummed, "Well you planned a very nice day."

He grinned. "Where to for lunch? Birthday girl's choice."

"I know a place." She murmured. "It's a restaurant on Jupiter's third moon. It's excellent, I haven't been there for a while."

"No problem."

They checked out of the hotel and went to the TARDIS, piloting to the restaurant.

Their meal was light but enjoyable, the overall relaxed and happy feeling of the day carrying over. They were chuckling about a joke when they got back to the TARDIS.

"So, where to next?" River smiled, sitting down in the pilot's chair.

"Dundenbar, if you're ready for it." He said, leaning against the console in front of her.

"Maybe we could take a bit of a break first?" River asked.

He nodded, glad to put the trip off just a bit longer. He still thought it was dangerous, though wasn't going to protest so today.

"We can go in a few hours, but for now let's just...relax."

"Great idea." He agreed.

"I'm going to go find us a movie to watch, can you start the fireplace?"

"Alright." He nodded and went to start a fire.


	63. Against the Dying of the Light

{So I probs won't be able to update on time tomorrow, so rather than being super late, I'm here early! Triggers relating to loss -more William things.}

 **Ch 63**

Sitting, almost as if waiting for the Doctor, in the living room, was River's brown book. The Doctor didn't notice it at first, going straight to the fireplace first and setting the fire up.

When he did finally see it, he nearly stumbled back like it was pointing a gun at him. "Oh, why does this keep showing up?" He frowned. Surely River wouldn't have left it lying around.

The TARDIS groaned, trying to show that she was the one that put it there both times.

He grumbled at the ship. "You know that River doesn't want me looking in here. I'm not going to betray her trust unless her life depends on it!"

The TARDIS groaned again, trying to persuade him to open it. She was trying to tell him that it was important.

"Well if it is then why are you making me doing behind her back, then?" The Doctor was still protesting, but part of him was starting to want to listen to the ship. She was an eleventh emotional sentient being after all, and generally wanted what was best for River.

The TARDIS knew River well enough to know that she would never tell the Doctor what was in the diary on her own, however, the ship wanted the Doctor to know what River had been writing about.

"Old girl, she'll kill me if she knows I looked in her book. I really mean it. Nothing good can come from this and she'll be furious for betraying her trust. I can't screw up again, I'll lose her." He said, though was now clutching the book tightly.

Down the hall, there was a clatter and a gasp, followed by a swear. The hall went silent for a moment before River called, "Doctor! I spilled something and I need to wash up, I'll be with you in a bit."

"Need any help?" He called back, hoping for an excuse to ignore his nagging ship.

"No, I'm alright!" She called.

The TARDIS persisted.

"Why can't you just _tell_ me what's so important?" He scolded the old girl. "Is River in danger? And why wouldn't she tell me if she was?"

The TARDIS groaned, refusing to tell him.

"Ugh!" He groaned in frustration. "Well, maybe it's not that bloody important if you won't tell me!"

The TARDIS made the temperature in the room rise, showing she was angry. A door new to the Doctor's eyes appeared on the other side of the room, though it was locked.

"And now you've just resorted to- woah!" He yelped as the ship lurched, him and the book flying sideways. The later landed face up and open.

The Doctor swallowed, approaching to pick the book up. River's handwriting filled up the page. The date was rather recent, from right about the time when River had left the family for a month.

 _I didn't realize, I made it look exactly like William. Now I don't know how I'll ever be able to leave._

The Doctor stared at the sentences, prying his eyes away. River had never told him about what she did in the time she was away, and he'd never asked for fear of her pushing him away. Without context, what he saw made no sense to him aside from William's name.

That stood out boldly to him. Made _what_ look like William? Leave _where_?

"Why are you doing this?" He asked the ship once more. "I swear, if you throw me under the bus here, I'll take apart every last screw you have."

He started reading.

The rest of the entry made a bit more sense, talking about how River didn't want to leave the kingdom and go back home: The Teselecta that had been made to look like her son was pulling her in. Having the machine made her feel better. It felt like her son was still alive. She didn't think she'd ever be able to leave the son that she had already lost once.

The Doctor was kicking himself at every word read. At the same time, he wondered why River wouldn't just tell him all of this. He didn't feel angry or hurt, but rather curious and intrigued. What had happened to the robot?

His mind immediately jumped to the reports he remembered reading of other Teselectas who'd converted their mechanics to flesh and blood. Would River want to try that with the robot William if it was still around? He couldn't just suggest it, then she'd know he'd read the book. Somewhat against his will, he kept reading.

The diary went on to explain how River didn't know if the Doctor would ever understand if she tried to explain it to him. It was clear in her words how much she was hurting, re-living the loss of their son all over again.

After she had finally decided to leave, according to the diary, the Teselecta wasn't powered down. She had set it to sleep state and locked it in the room that was supposed to be William's.

The TARDIS unlocked one of the doors so, if the Doctor wanted, he could see for himself what River had done.

He stood slowly, swallowing hard. He wasn't sure if he was even ready to see what was essentially his son, thinking it might hurt the way River had been hurting when she wrote this. His feet betrayed him and started walking anyways.

The Teselecta was "sleeping" peacefully in the crib, a blanket and stuffed animal tucked around it, both of which had been indented for William. The room had never been finished and had been abandoned up until the day River had put the Teselecta in.

The Doctor felt his stomach twisting into ropes as he approached the cot. He'd never seen his son look so, well, healthy. Alive. (Or what could pass for looking alive, at the least.) He knew that the machine was only imitating breathing. Even so, his knees felt weak and his eyes grew hot.

"Doctor?" River's voice was coming down the hall, "Where are you?"

He wasn't really sure if he should jump and hide the room and the book or just let her find him. His feet were refusing to move, so he didn't actually have much of a choice. It was her birthday and he was about to screw it all up, though that wasn't actually his first concern currently.

"Doctor?" The sound of the door starting to open came, signaling his last chance to hide what he had just seen. He managed to put the book on the shelf, hiding it with the small collection that was already there, and sink into an armchair, hunched over with his hands clasped tightly together.

"Are you hiding from..." River trailed off, the smile fading from her face as she walked into the nursery.

He looked quietly up at her, eyes reflecting fresh grief. Her face completely drained of color when she saw his expression, "...Doctor?"

"The TARDIS..." He paused, wanting to keep his voice steady. "The TARDIS showed me."

She held her breath, a million things racing through her mind, "...I-I'm so sorry..."

"I'm not angry." He whispered. "I just... why didn't you tell me?"

She shook her head, unable to look at him, "Tell you what, exactly? That I had made a robot version of our son?"

"Or why, at the least." He looked at the mechanical infant.

"I don't know." She whispered, "He was the first baby I thought of when I needed a face and once I realized it was him… I wasn't able to let go."

He nodded slowly his understanding. "Neither would I."

"I'm sorry." She sank down onto the floor, putting her hand over her mouth.

He slowly rose, going over to her and sitting on the floor in front of her and reaching out a tentative hand to her shoulder. Her shoulders were shaking, but she didn't pull away.

"River, as much as I know it's hard to admit... this isn't healthy."

"I can't-" She shook her head, crying, "I can't lose him again."

"Then, I do have a suggestion." His voice was soft again. It helped that his back was to the automaton now, but there was also something about finally seeing the emotions River had tried so hard to deal with on her own that struck a chord and grounded him.

She still didn't look at him but leaned into his body for comfort. "What?"

He placed his arms around her. "There are future prototypes of Teselectas that are built with a safety mechanism that turns the replica into flesh and blood. We wouldn't have to let him go."

She didn't answer for a moment, "We can't..."

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because..." She tried to find the right words, "It's not him. It won't have his memories, his personality. It won't be him, it'll just look like him."

"The robot in that crib isn't him either, River. Just looks like him." He held her a bit tighter.

"I know, but..." She whispered, breaking down, "It feels so much like him."

He eyes stung but he blinked back hard. "So would a flesh actualization, and you could program in his personality and memories..." He stopped, thinking of how crazy he sounded. "Nothing will be quite the same, will it."

She shook her head, "It will only ever feel like we're trying to replace him." She started to stand, going over to hold the Teselecta. The robot responded as any slumbering baby would: gurgling a little and shifting to River's warmth.

River's sobs weren't silent anymore. This should have been her baby. She should have gotten the chance to meet and hold her living child, and the pain made her hearts seize.

The Doctor slowly approached behind her and looked at the pair, his own tears spilling over, though much more quietly.

"I-I don't know what to do." She shook her head.

He put his arm around her again just wanting to be able to shield her from all the pain. "Today, you don't have to do anything but... this can't be kept up forever." It'd been almost three years since they'd lost him.

"What's the difference between today and tomorrow?" She whispered, "It won't hurt any less to let go tomorrow than it will today."

"You're right, but you might just be a little more ready. I don't want to be the one to swarm in here without warning and tell you that you've got to let go right this instant. It doesn't have to be now or today or tomorrow. There's time if you want and need."

She stared at the little machine in her arms which to her, no longer felt like a machine. "His eyes are like mine."

He followed her line of sight, blinking hard again. He didn't have much of an idea of how often River came here or any other experiences she might've had with the Teselecta, but he could see as plain as day how maternal she felt towards it.

The machine squirmed and his breath caught. She squeezed her eyes shut, finally looking away from the baby.

"Is there anything I can do?" The Doctor asked shakily.

"Don't let the girls find him." River whispered, starting to put William back in the crib. "I'm going to go...lay down."

He nodded slowly. "Do you want me to come?"

"If you want." She nodded, looking back down at the contents of the crib.

Part of The Doctor told him to stay, that the little robot needed protecting and shouldn't be left alone. He was afraid to listen to that part, feeling that if he held the infant, he'd never be able to put him down. "I'll, uh, I'll meet you there."

She nodded, taking another minute to finally pull her eyes away from the robot and leave the room.

He sat back in thearmchairr again, a million thoughts in his brain. "There." He whispered to the TARDIS and empty room. "Is this what you wanted me to see? Are you happy now?"

The TARDIS groaned, giving him a solemn yes. She'd wanted to give them the chance to start fresh with Terra, and thought River needed help healing in the recent resurface of the loss of their baby.

He looked back at River's journal tucked in the shelf and debated reading the rest, but decided he'd already gone further than he should have. Instead he stared at the robot, watching it's 'breathing'. He went over to it and stood above the crib, staring.

The robot had been programed very well, shifting and wiggling it's tiny fingers as if it were dreaming. If the Doctor wanted, it wouldn't be terribly difficult to turn it on completely.

He reached down and touched its little hand, watching its fingers curl reflexively around one of his digits. "I'm sorry your life was so short, William. I'm sorry Mummy and I couldn't protect you from everything." He swallowed. "We loved you with everything we had... be at peace now, love." He whispered, not realizing it was in Gallifreyan.

This was a much lovelier way to remember his son, and while his bones were aching, he was grateful to see him like this just once. The robot let go of his finger.

He took a deep breath and straightened himself up, wiping at his eyes. He knew that the robot didn't really need watching or protecting and that the TARDIS wouldn't let anyone else find this room.

He left to find River.

River was in the bathroom, water running to mask the sound of her tears. The event had, of course, upset her a great deal.

The Doctor knocked softly. "River? You alright in there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She called.

"Do you want me to make you some tea?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Alright. I'll, um, I'll be right here if you need anything."

She emerged from the bathroom about ten minutes later, trying to act as if nothing had happened. He was sitting on the bed, just thinking. He looked up at her, offering a weak smile.

She smiled back, "Are we going out?"

He was surprised that she seemed so pulled together. "Yeah... if you're up for it."

"Why wouldn't I be up for it?"

"Because of what just happened." He answered quietly.

Her expression faltered and the pain returned to her eyes, "I-..."

He stood, approaching her slowly. "You don't have to pretend to be okay."

She shook her head, "Well what else am I supposed to do?"

"Let yourself not be okay." He place his hand on her arm. "I'm here for whatever you need."

She sighed, but leaned into his hand, "But we've already done this. It's been years I... I don't know why it suddenly feels so fresh again."

"Because that's the nature of loss." He gently urged her to sit on the bed with him and spoke softly. "It doesn't just slowly fade, it can come in waves and a lot of the time when you least expect it. One day you maybe find a old picture, and it doesn't matter if it's been days or decades or if you've seen it a million times before. It can still break your hearts. Some days that loss will just sit on your shoulders for no reason at all. You've been through so much lately and change is coming, so naturally there are things that turn your head to the past."

She rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes. "I wish I had gotten to hold him..." She breathed, "All I want is to be able to tell him that I love him." She pressed her face into his neck, "I feel like there was so much more I could have done to save him, but instead I just accepted that he was dead and did nothing."

"You said yourself that regeneration was impossible. He was too early, there was nothing we could have done." He took her hand. "He's at peace now."

She squeezed his hand, sighing softly, "I hope so."

They sat there for a minute before he spoke again with and idea. "Can I share a thought?"

She nodded.

"The TARDIS can project physic messages to anyone inside her no matter when they are. What if we gave her a massage to give to William. She could reach him in his last moments. We can tell him he's loved."

"I want to do that." River whispered.

He stood and extended a hand. "Come on."

They went to the control room, down beneath the console where the Doctor let go of her hands to grab a specific set of wires. River watched him, unsure of what to do.

"Hold this." He pressed one of the wires to her palm. "It's going to link you to the TARDIS. Close your eyes and concentrate on her, she knows what's going on."

River nodded, holding the wire tightly, focusing in on the TARDIS.

"Keep focus." The Doctor set up the other wires and joined her in the connection. There was a strong mental tugging.

"Alright. Now you've got to think simply so he can understand. Use more feelings than words. The Old Girl is listening."

River already knew what she wanted to thing, love came pouring out first, then bravery, security, family, and love again. She gave her son all the love she had. She wanted him to know just how endless her love for him was.

The TARDIS was relaying River's thoughts right into the past where she wanted them to go. The Doctor's message mirrored his wife's and blended in with the wave.

River was shaking once the message ended, still clutching the wire, "Will he be able to respond to us?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a beeping from the monitor on the console. "Let's see, shall we?"

They headed up the stairs and looked at the monitor. The Doctor looked over what it said and then took River's hand, wrapping her fingers around one of the handles. "Close your eyes again and open your mind."

She did as he said, relaxing. As soon as she did, very familiar thoughts entered her mind that hadn't in a very long time. River felt as though she may collapse.

The TARDIS wasn't giving them a direct response from William, but rather letting them see his emotions and thoughts. There was fear first, the confusion about the pain and silence, but when his parents message reached him his mind began to calm.

River was shown the way her message really did affect William and blocked out nearly all of his pain. William felt like he was wrapped in a blanket of her affection and weakly, with his last bit of life, thought a very clear _I love you, too._

River clung to the Doctor as the words hit, relief and heartbreak hitting all at once. He held her close, holding them both up as the response ended.

"Thank you." River whispered after a few minutes of silence.

"Thank the TARDIS." The Doctor murmured, finding his voice. "She did all the work."

She murmured a quiet thanks to the ship. The TARDIS hummed back in a comforting manner. River held onto her husband, squeezing her eyes shut.

"He knows, my love. There's not doubt now that he knows how much we loved him."

She nodded. After all these years, she finally was getting what she had needed. He held her all the tighter.

"We should visit his burial site some time... leave a flower or something."

She nodded, "We should take the girls."

"When do you think?"

"After Terra comes." She murmured, "We can decide after she comes."

He nodded. "Do, um, do you feel a bit better now?" He asked, hoping this had helped.

She nodded, "Yes, a bit."

"Good." He smiled softly. "I'm glad."

She smiled back, "Can we stay here a bit longer before we go out?"

"Of course we can." He nodded. "Whatever you like."

"Maybe we can go lay down with the fireplace."

"And watch that movie you suggested before." He agreed.

"That sounds nice."

They went back to the room from before, though the extra door to the Teselecta's nursery was gone.

River sat on the couch, sighing and rubbing her side.

"I'll put the movie in." The Doctor offered. She nodded, taking a few deep breaths. "You alright?" He asked, noticing her breathing change.

She looked up, giving him a weak smile, "I'm just fine."

He nodded and settled on the couch with her, cuddling up to watch the movie. She nuzzled against him to watch the movie. The Doctor didn't pay much attention to it, mostly just happy to cuddle up with River for the duration of it. He was still thinking about what had happened.

It wasn't until around the end of the movie when River winced and shifted again. Having been paying attention, the Doctor frowned and asked again if she was okay. Once again, she claimed she was fine.

"Are you ready to go?" She asked.

"Yeah." He murmured, though in the back of his mind had a bad feeling. "Let me get my shoes."

She gave him a quick kiss, "I'll meet you in the console room."

He met up with only a few minutes later. "Ready?"

"Yes! I've been waiting for this for ages." She smiled, "Are you?"

He nodded and started piloting the ship to Dundenbar, the ship landing with a soft thud. River grabbed her blaster off the console, headed for the door. He might've questioned her need for the gun if they were going anywhere else, but this was Dundenbar of all places.


	64. Magician

**Ch 64**

River and the Doctor stepped out onto a messy street littered with loud, drunk, and brawling people. For this outing, River had decided to humor her husband and put on a perception filter.

Her eyes lit up when she saw the excitement in the streets, "Where should we go first?"

"Um..." He looked around at the buildings, half of which seemed to be bars and none of which he deemed safe for them. "Birthday girl's choice."

"Well, if I'm not wrong, there should be a fantastic party down the street with a familiar face." She took his hand, pulling him along.

He hoped she wasn't talking about Jack who was probably most likely to be at a party like this. Nonetheless, he followed protectively.

River _had_ been referring to Jack and, of course. He was the first person they ran into once stepping inside of a dark, but raging party.

"Well look who it is!" Jack was clearly a bit tipsy, or maybe a bit more than tipsy as he swayed a bit and sloppily pointed at her belly. "Where'd the love muffin go?"

"It's hidden away for the night." River purred, "It looks like you're having a good time."

"The best!" He laughed, pint clutched in his hand. Jack not only had a very high tolerance for alcohol but was also very quick at processing the drink so he'd have to pretty much be constantly consuming alcohol to keep up this buzz. "Hey, I saw a really cute guy over there." He slurred. "Ya want me to help you out?"

"I'd love to help." She smiled, turning to her husband, "Go have fun, I'll meet back up with you in a bit."

"Bu-"

Jack whisked her off before the Doctor could make out a full protest. He stayed close enough to keep an eye on her, though, none of the other festivities interesting him.

Jack, on the other hand, felt like a kid in a candy shop. "Your pick o' the lot, River. Any humanoid you want. Or whatever else you may prefer."

River's eyes scanned the crowd, falling on a young man sitting alone, "How about that one?"

Jack slung his arm around her shoulders. "That's a good eye. I'd start a bar fight over him if you would let me win."

She laughed, "So what's the plan exactly?"

"I'mmuna introduce myself and- no, we'll both introduce ourselves and then he can pi -hic- pick which one of us he wants."

"Oh, I didn't realize we were competing." She teased.

"You're the one who picked the cute guy. If you don't want me competing then pick someone I don't think is cute."

"You think everyone is cute. And if you really want to compete, I think we can both do better than him." She scanned the crowd.

"I cu' do better than this whole planet." He declared. "I vote you close your eyes and point and random."

"Alright then." She closed her eyes, spinning and pointing.

Jack started giggling uncontrollably. "I knew you had a thing for old guys!"

She looked at the man she had pointed to, "Well, you can't say he's not handsome."

Jack gave a very obvious look over of the man. "What kinda guy dresses like a magician to Dundenbar?"

"Maybe he knows magic." She smiled, "Come on now."

"Oh, oh he's looking at us." Jack nudged her with his elbow.

"What, are you scared?" She grabbed his hand, pulling him over to the man. "Hello there, you look lonely." She purred.

The man didn't seem at all phased by her. "What does lonely look like?"

She was a tad surprised at his Scottish accent. "Well, you're sitting by yourself at one of the most exciting parties in the universe."

"Sounds like you've seen very little of the universe then if this is what's exciting." He teased.

She raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"I was only joking. You've probably seen more than all these people combined." He said knowingly.

"And what makes you think that?" She crossed her arms.

He shrugged. "Just a guess. So what brings you to a place like this?"

"It's my birthday." She pulled Jack closer, "And my friend and I are looking to have some fun."

"Happy birthday." He looked at Jack. "Looks like he's already got the fun part squared off the list. No alcohol for you?"

"Unfortunately not tonight." She smiled, "What brings you to an "unexciting" party like this?"

"Complicated question." He murmured. "I guess I was just looking for a good conversation."

"And have you found one?"

"I believe it found me." His smile was so quick that one would miss it if they weren't looking.

She was still acting seductive, but her questions were genuine interest. "Now, I'm curious to know why you would come here of all places for a good conversation."

"You know how sometimes you've got a little voice in the back of your head that helps out with logic? Well, mine has been on vacation for a long time." He joked.

She took the seat next to him, "You remind me of someone..."

"I get that a lot." He peered over her shoulder. "And just a thought, you might want to keep your friend from any more drinks."

Jack was in the seat next to River, passed out over the table. River looked back at Jack, rolling her eyes, "It might be best if I just get him home."

"Let him sleep a bit. Can I get you anything, a seltzer maybe?"

"A seltzer would be nice." She smiled, "I don't think I caught your name."

He took a moment to answer. "Call me Basil. You?"

"River, it's a pleasure to meet you, Basil." She looked around the room, trying to spot her floppy-haired Doctor.

"It's mutual."

The Doctor wasn't too far away, glaring a jealous hole into the older man's head.

Basil bought River a seltzer, paying no notice to the man in the bow tie. "Tell me about yourself."

She was roped into telling a believable story about herself, a task she was adequate at, in turn asking him about his life. His tale also wasn't the most sincere, though he admitted that he had lovely children at home.

"Children?" River raised an eyebrow, "Do they come with a wife as well?"

"Yes." Basil nodded. "Actually, it's her birthday today, too."

"Is she here with you?"

"She's about somewhere."

"Shouldn't you be spending time with her instead of sitting here flirting with another woman?"

"Who says I'm flirting?" He raised a strong eyebrow.

"Were you not flirting?" She raised a penciled eyebrow right back.

"Alright, maybe a bit." He admitted. "And what does that say about a married woman?"

"I never said I was married."

He looked amused. "You left the ring on and the husband lurking."

"Well, it's not his birthday now, is it. Besides a little flirting never killed anyone."

"I suppose not. I used to be jealous when I was younger."

She glanced over at the Doctor, "Were you now?"

"It's funny looking back on it now, but you know what they say about age."

She nodded, a bit distracted now, "Well, my husband looks like he's about ready to come over and hit you with a shoe, so I'd better get back. I'll come collect him in a bit." She nodded towards Jack.

"Let me take care of him. You go enjoy your birthday. Oh, and River?"

"Hmm?"

He put something in her hand and wrapped her fingers around it. "I hope it's a good one."

"Thank you." She breathed, not looking at what was in her hand until she was back with her Doctor. It was a small pink stone with a smooth surface and an etching of a peony in it.

"Who was that?"

"No one." She murmured as she stared down at the stone. "Come on, let's go out and walk around."

The Doctor looked relieved at that and gladly took her hand.

She let him lead, stopping in the doorway to press a hand to her side. He looked back at her. "River..."

"I'm fine. She's just kicking." She lied.

He nodded, though wasn't convinced. "Where to now?"

"We should head to the market." She suggested, which was probably one of the most dangerous areas, "It's always so exciting there."

"That's a word for it." He agreed. It was birthday girl's choice after all. She pulled him along, dragging them into the danger of the market.

The black market might have been a more accurate term for the place. The vendors here sold things that were illegal pretty much everywhere else. If it wasn't illegal, it was profane or a weapon. Naturally, the place attracted a very unfriendly crowd, at least half of whom had a beef with one or the both of the couple.

Only a short while after they arrived, a fight broke out between several vendors. It escalated very quickly, shouts and punches being hurled, knocking people over and separating River from the Doctor.

The Doctor was not at all pleased with this, trying hard to spot his wife over the crowd gathering and trying to push in what was hopefully her direction.

"Doctor!" River called, looking around, trying to find him.

One of the men involved in the fight was pushed back, knocking into her, the unexpected bump causing her to fall. No one seemed to pay much notice to her, stepping over, around, and even on her like she wasn't there at all. This type of behavior was not at all abnormal for the planet, and though she struggled, River managed to make it back on her feet and away from the fight.

Suddenly, someone grabbed her collar and yanked her back. "Hey, you!"

She stumbled back, turning to twist the hand off of her. A large and cross looking alien was glaring down at her, catching hold of both her wrists and holding tightly. "You're the dame who stole from my shop a few months ago!"

"I did no such thing!" She snapped back at him, though, she probably had or will have, "Get your hands off of me!"

He refused, practically snarling. "You better cough up the money right now or you're gonna pay with your blood!"

"I refuse to pay for something I didn't do." She hissed, yanking her wrists, trying to get away. She didn't actually have any money on her.

"Blood it is." He let go of one of her wrists and swung a fist at her.

She ducked, trying to yank her other wrist out of his vice grip. It managed to slip painfully out just as the vendor swung again. She didn't get the chance to duck this time. He hit her square in the jaw, pulling out a knife.

River fell at the hit, seeing stars. She needed a moment to recover, not seeing what he was doing. He moved to lunge at her but was suddenly knocked down by a mass of tweed coat. River sat up, holding her jaw.

The Doctor was now attempting to defend River, not the best fighter, but every bit as protective of his wife. River stumbled to her feet, pulling out her blaster, aiming it directly at her attacker.

"River, don't kill him," The Doctor said.

"Why?" She growled, "He wanted to kill me."

"Because it'll only get us into more trouble."

People around them were starting to notice, one man stepping up and grabbing River around the waist.

"Hey, get away from her!"

Her perception filter worked on visual information only, not touch. River tried to wriggle away from him, dropping her blaster in the process. The man was too set on hurting River to notice that the sight to touch ratio of her waist wasn't right.

The Doctor dodged around the first vendor to run and aid her, trying to get the other man off with a hard kick to his back, The man was much larger and not so easily fazed as the first. Though the kick made him stumble, he held his grasp on the Timelady.

The first vendor approached. "I told ya, no one steals from me. I don't care if she's the Queen of Pyrac, she's in for it now."

River swung her legs out to kick the first man, trying to throw herself out of the second man's arms. While the kick was effective, the second man still had a grip on her and Terra was starting to get quite scared.

River was still trying to wrestle the other man off of her, though her efforts were halted when she felt a strong pain in her abdomen.

Finally, after the Doctor jumped on his back, River was released. She fell forward, clutching her middle, breathing deeply.

"River, run!"

She grabbed her gun, "Not without you."

He was still clinging to the second man's back like a monkey as he tried to shake the Doctor off.

"Let's g-ah!" Another pain in her middle.

"River!" The Doctor let go and rushed to her, but they didn't have time to wait. The angry vendors were charging right at them and that had to run.

River recovered fast enough to grab her husband's hand and run deeper into the market, trying to lose the vendors. It was a difficult task since the place was crowded and at every corner, there seemed to be a new person trying to get them. They ran as fast as River's body would allow, eventually darting into an abandoned looking store.


	65. A Rock and Hard Place

**Ch 65**

River's chest was heaving and she leaned against a counter once they were inside the store. The Doctor didn't bother catching his breath, going quickly to her side. "Are you alright?"

"I need to sit down." She shook her head, squeezing his hand tightly, glancing nervously at the door.

He helped her to the floor, while not comfortable looking, was at least covered with a rug. "Are you having contractions?" He whispered.

"No, I'm just tired." She lied, giving him a weak smile, "Everything's fine."

"What about back there?" He asked, remembering the earlier pain.

"He was holding me very tightly." She tried to argue.

"I mean when he let go." He said worriedly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She murmured, closing her eyes and trying to relax.

He dropped his protests, knowing it wasn't the time to push against her. He instead sat next to her. "We need a plan."

She nodded, "Any suggestions?"

"Well basically the entire market is looking for us and who knows if they'll start checking shops. We could wait it out and sneak out when the commotion dies down."

"How far are we from the TARDIS?" She asked, suppressing another pained expression.

"Not sure. The running screwed me up, but I'd say at least an hour's walk."

She nodded, breathing deeply, "Right, alright. Let's wait it out then."

"You know it could be hours?" He reminded.

"Yes, I know." She nodded, "Why? Do you have somewhere to be?"

He laughed weakly. "No, I just feel bad that a chunk of your birthday will be spent hiding away from people who want you dead."

She shrugged, "It makes the day exciting. And I get to have to alone time with you."

"I'm glad it's not getting you down. How's that jaw?"

"Bruised I'm sure." She sighed, "But I've had worse."

"You should put ice on it as soon as we get back. You aren't hurt anywhere else, are you?"

"No, I'm just fin-ag!" She squeezed her eyes shut in pain.

"River, that really doesn't sound fine." He fretted, offering his hand again. She squeezed his hand, breathing in and out. "How long have you been having these?"

"It's nothing. I'm not having anything!" She refused to admit the obvious.

"You were due yesterday, River. You've done this three times before. How can you say this isn't it?" She shook her head, though she didn't have any way to defend her argument. "Look at me, love. Tell me what's wrong." He was starting to think there was an emotional component to her denial.

She stared at him, whispering weakly, "She's not coming today. She's not even in the right position."

He put his hand on her middle, feeling that Terra was indeed in a breech position. "I'm sorry, but positions don't always predict timing."

She shook her head, "She can't come, not now."

"It's going to be alright, my love, we still have time. We can try to turn her."

"No, no I'm not ready for her to come. She can't come now."

"Riv, you've got to breathe and try to stay calm. Take a breath." He was cupping her face now, trying his best to assure her. She shook her head, growing more and more panicked. "Come on, deep breaths." He encouraged, taking a few himself in hopes she'd mimic him.

She took a few breaths, though it didn't look like it really helped. He started reaching into his pockets and pulled out a med kit. "Had a voice in the back of my head today to bring these."

"What are you doing?" She stared at him, "We're not doing this!" Her voice was rising to a level that threatened to give away their hiding place.

"Sh." He glanced at the door instinctively, making sure there were no intruders or lurking shadows of one. "We're sitting ducks and you're in labour. I'm only being prepared."

She closed her eyes, breathing in and out as another wave of pain passed. He set the materials aside and out of her sight, not wanting to make her uncomfortable by them.

She was still visibly distraught, putting her head in her hands. Those emotions were affecting Terra, causing her fear to escalate as well. The anxiety Terra was feeling only heightened the fear and stress River was having, creating a circle increasing panic.

It didn't take an expert to see the strain on River, and the Doctor wanted desperately to help. "Is there anything I can do?"

She leaned towards him in search of comfort, "I don't know."

He wrapped his arms around her, offering what assurance he could through physical contact. She leaned into his embrace, shaking. He murmured what sweet nothings he could think of, hoping to help calm her. She started to relax just slightly, leaning against him

Footsteps from outside passed by the door and onward. The Doctor was starting to wonder how well their hiding spot would hold. "How are you doing?"

"Fine." She lied, squeezing his hand.

"What happened to Jack?" He asked, seeing through her words, but not commenting.

"He's back at the party." She murmured, breathing deeply. "I don't want him in here. He is not going to be in here." She shook her head.

"I meant that if we could get a message to him, he could bring the TARDIS and we could get out of here."

She squeezed his hand as there was a bang on the door, a big, hulking figure casting a shadow over the room. The Doctor shut his mouth and held his breath, squeezing back tightly.

They were hidden behind the checkout counter, but even so would be in big trouble if the man came all the way in. River suppressed a groan of pain as another contraction came. The Doctor desperately motioned for her to try to stay quiet, palms sweating nervously.

"Blaster?" He mouthed. She pointed a few feet away. He nodded and reached for it as silently as possible as the door broke open.

River jumped, clutching onto his arm as heavy, unfamiliar footsteps pounded into the room. "Song! If you're in here you better start praying!"

River glanced worriedly at her husband. "What do we do?" She mouthed.

He offered the blaster. While he didn't want the killing, there weren't any people around to back the other man up and it was better than having River gutted.

She tried to steady herself so she would be able to use the weapon, taking aim from behind the counter. Her husband supported her, assisting in keeping her arms from trembling.

Once she had a good shot, she fired without so much as a warning. The shot wasn't exactly in the center of the intruder's head like usual, but it was still clean and lethal.

He dropped to the ground. River fell back against the support of her husband, breathing heavily.

"That was close." The Doctor held her firmly, resuming his own breathing.

She nodded, "We might have to move."

He nodded with hesitation. "But we'll be seen." She held onto him, feeling another painful wave. He did his best to hold her through it. "I could strengthen the perception filter and take his shirt... River even if we made it our of the market without being spotted, do you think you could make it that far? The TARDIS is so far away."

She shook her head, "I don't think I can." She admitted, "Perhaps it would be best if we stayed here."

He nodded. "It might be best for you to lay down or try some positions to help with the pain..."

"I don't want to lay down." She whispered, squeezing his hand.

"You don't have to. Listen to what your body needs, yeah?"

"She needs to change positions." River murmured.

"We can try externally trying to shift her, but if that doesn't work there's not much else we can do."

"Let's try shifting her."

He placed his hand on her belly. "This will be uncomfortable. If you can talk to her and tell her to stay calm, to move her head down even, that would help."

She nodded, finding her connection with Terra and focusing on sending calm feelings. Terra was still frightened, almost overwhelmingly. Part of it was from what had happened and part was because she didn't understand why her word kept tightening around her.

The fright was leaking through to her mother, but River tried to stay calm, _"Everything is going to be alright. We're going to get to see each other very soon."_

Terra didn't know what seeing was, but it seemed to have a good connotation with River. Her confusion increased, however, when the Doctor's prodding hands started to try to ease her head down.

 _"It's just Daddy."_ River assured her, _"We need you to move your head down, can you follow his hands?"_

 _Why?_ She didn't want to move from her cozy spot.

 _"Because you have to be facing the other way."_ She urged.

 _For what?_

 _"To be born."_

Terra was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out this word too. It seemed rather mysterious and maybe a bit magical. It was filled with all things new and maybe if she turned she'd get to learn what new things the word had in store. She finally, in one swift lurch, turned herself down (with her father's assistance).

River winced, reaching out for her husband.

"Lots of pressure from her head now." He murmured, offering his hands again.

"Yeah, I noticed." She breathed, "Can you sit behind me?"

He nodded, ready to do what she needed. He lowered them both down. "Sorry it's happening like this."

She didn't answer, trying to breathe steadily in and out.

"How close are they?"

She shook her head, "I don't know, one every few minutes."

"That's pretty close." He realized she must've been having them all day.

"Not really." She muttered

"Every few minutes is considered close, River."

"It could still be hours… we don't even know how dilated I am."

He'd been hoping that she'd relieved of her pain sooner but nodded since she was right. She sighed, rolling her shoulders. He reached to massage them for her.

She shook him off of her, "I need to get up. I need to walk around, I need to move."

"Em, alright then." He stood from behind her and offered a hand up. She took his hand, standing up.

Avoiding looking at the body still on the floor, they moved to the back of the shop and away from the windows. The Doctor stood out of River's way but was ready in case she wanted to lean on him or something of the like.

For the next hour, River slowly paced around the room until she asked for her husband's help to continue walking. He quickly moved to assist her, watching her movements for cues.

She leaned on him for support, "The pressure is increasing."

"Has your water broken yet?"

She shook her head, "Not yet." She murmured.

"My guess is that the pressure means it will soon."

Voices outside the stop were growing louder again, making is sound as though the market vendors were starting to look inside buildings.

The Doctor looked at the windows, what he saw confirming that the search had moved on to that. He swallowed and looked at the body on the floor, then River. They would need to hide the body and probably themselves also.

River was hardly paying attention, focusing on breathing and rocking her hips back and forth.

He walked her slowly back over to the checkout counter, shifting her over to lean against that so he could go move the body.

She leaned against the counter, watching him, "Do you need help?"

"No, you just focus on what you're doing." He insisted. He was about to start dragging the dead vendor over to the broom closet but paused. "I have an idea."

"What?" She breathed, still rocking back and forth.

"The search party, they want to find tracks; clues to us," he whispered, "We don't need to hide everything, we just need to make it look like we've been through here and left. We can make it look like we killed him and fled out the back door. They'll follow right through."

"Are you sure it will work?" She murmured, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I'm never sure, but it's the best chance we've got."

She nodded, "What do you want me to do?"

"Open the back door a bit so it looks like we went through." He instructed, bending down to strategically arrange the body.

She slowly walked towards the back door, opening it up. The Doctor cleared up the things he'd left on the floor, sticking them in his back in pockets, and handing River the blaster again.

She shook her head, "I can't, I won't be able to use it if we nee-agh!"

He quickly pocketed the gun and rushed to her before her knees could give out. She fell into his arms, taking a few deep breaths, "I don't think I can move."

"You only need to get to the broom closet to hide." He murmured.

"Pressure..." She whispered, holding onto him.

"What kind?"

"Painful." She whispered, "It feels like my waters about to break."

"Just try to make it to the closet, yeah?" He urged. It probably wouldn't help if her waters broke all over the floor and the search party found it.

"I hate to break it to you, but I don't have much control over where or when my water breaks." She snapped.

"Never said you did, love." His tone remained patient and level.

"I don't think I can make it to the closet." She breathed.

"Just hang on to me." He urged, the voiced growing closer. She nodded, holding him tightly. He held her firmly, very slowly getting her to move her feet inch by inch towards the broom closet. He was practically carrying her.

"Stop! Stop!" She halted about halfway to the door.

"What is it?"

"H-hurts. I can't go."

He didn't want to push her but he could hear footsteps coming. "I'll carry you." She held onto him tighter, not really wanting to be carried. "We've got to hide now, we'll be found." He whispered urgently.

She was about to protest when the pressure released. Liquid pooled in the door beneath her feet and Terra grew confused at the feeling.

Shadows of a small throng of people approached and the Doctor swiftly (and as carefully as he could manage), ducked River and himself back behind the counter. It was too late to make it all the way to the safety of the closet.

River stared at him in alarm, panic obvious in her eyes. He made a gesture to stay silent, gripping the gun in one hand and her hand in his other. She made a small squeak of pain, putting her free hand to her side.

Terra was getting scared again and the search party entered the dark shop. River was staring at her husband, trying to think of some way to get out of the situation. He signaled for her to wait to see if the plan would work.

"They've killed Jareer!" Someone shouted. There was quite a commotion after this realization, several of the search party members splitting up to search the shop.

River's hearts were pounding and she pulled the Doctor closer to her. Terra started fully panicking again and though the Doctor was too, he tried hard not to show it and just hold his wife close. He had a feeling he would be using the gun soon.

River was curled up against the Doctor, trying to suppress the noises of pain she was making.

The scouts who weren't searching the place had followed the false trail out the back door. The others were looking through shelves and behind curtains and in the broom closet, which now the Doctor was thankful they hadn't hidden in, but their time was shortening rapidly as footsteps followed to the checkout counter.

Someone else entered the room.

River's contractions were getting stronger and she was struggling to keep silent.

One of the scouts found their hiding place. "Ey, Marrock! I found the wrals..."

Whoever was announcing their presence trailed off at the sound of someone bashing who was presumably Marrock over the head. This was followed by the sound of a body dropping.

The rest of the group was looking towards the intruder.

"Hi there." Said a familiar voice. "The name's Jack Harkness."

River sighed in relief, relaxing just slightly. The search party drew in around Jack, but the man made very quick work of them with a trusty metal pipe he'd found on his way here.

When they were all unconscious or dead, Jack rounded the counter to find his friends. "By the way, I definitely won the bet."

River groaned, clutching her husband's hand, "Stop talking."

He reluctantly shut his mouth while the Doctor spoke up. "I need you to go get the TARDIS."

Jack nodded, "Is everything alright?"

"The baby has poor timing." He informed.

"Right, I'm on it." Jack nodded, running for the door.

The Doctor looked at River. "I guess having Jack pop in was a good thing." She nodded, trying to shift and relieve the ever increasing pressure.

-x-

An hour passed and Jack still wasn't back with the TARDIS, and then another hour. Finally, footsteps returned to the shop. "Bad news Doc."

He was helping River breathe through a particularly strong contraction, looking up at him worriedly.

"I don't think you'll be getting the TARDIS back anytime soon," Jack muttered, going on to explain how the TARDIS had been chained up and guarded by several of the remaining vendors who had recognized it. "I tried to get to it, but they've got it tied up pretty tight."

The Doctor muttered a curse under his breath, looking at River. "I'm not sure how much longer Terra will wait."

"Is there anything I can get?" Jack asked.

"Do you have your vortex manipulator on you?"

Jack shook his head, "I left it with Gwen, she needed it for a mission back at Torchwood."

"Then what mode of transportation did you use to get here?"

"Ship, but it's on the other side of the planet. I don't think you'll make it, especially with half the market still looking for you."

"River's in no position to move and I'm not leaving her." He looked questioningly at is wife.

"Is there anywhere around here at least a bit safer and more secure than here?" River asked.

"There's some more empty buildings outside the market. The doors there actually lock, but they're in the opposite direction of the TARDIS."

"Do you think we can get to them without being seen?"

"I think there are enough back allies for it... do you think you can make it?"

"If we leave now and hurry." She nodded.

The Doctor handed Jack the blaster and helped River up. She leaned heavily against him, waited for the contraction to pass before hurrying out the back.


	66. The Professor's Daughter

**Ch 66**

The first alleyway was a minute or two away and the small group made it with minimal difficulty, ducking into the shadows.

They had to stop at frequent intervals for River, but other than that, managed to make it to the building Jack had mentioned. They waited for a moment when no one was looking to sneak inside.

It seemed to be an old apartment, thought it was clear why no one lived around here anymore.

"I need to lay down." River murmured, breathing deeply. Whoever had once lived here left behind a good amount of furniture, including a couch for her to collapse on.

Jack locked the door and closed the curtains.

"Doctor..." River breathed. Her husband hurried over to her and Jack scoped out the place.

She squeezed the Doctor's hand, trying to breathe through the current pain.

Jack announced that the place was clear of any people. "Er... Should I boil water or something?"

River shook her head, "No, not yet. Can you try and find a few towels or blankets."

He nodded and went to search for them.

The Doctor produced a towel from the depths of his pocket. "Here."

"Can you deliver her?" She begged, "I don't want Jack to deliver her."

"Jack hardly knows how to put a bandage on a child let alone deliver one." That probably wasn't true, but the Doctor wasn't going to let Jack do anything but stand there and hand him things, or more likely stand in the other room and keep watch for search parties.

River nodded, still quite obviously nervous.

"Can I check your dilation?" He asked. She nodded. He lay the towel over her legs before examining her. "Have you needed to push yet?"

"A little bit." She admitted, "Are you sure she's in the right position now? Because-..."

He carefully felt her belly again before nodding. "Head is down and that's all I can say for certain."

She nodded, "How far dilated am I?"

"Just a smidge away from ten centimeters." He informed.

"Are you sure?" She looked alarmed. He nodded and gave her hand a squeeze. She shook her head, "Doctor, I don't think I can do this. I'm not ready.."

He looked up at her. "I'm sorry I can't make you any more ready, but I know that you'll be able to do this."

The words didn't make her feel better, and the pressure was getting stronger.

Jack returned with a bed sheet he'd found. "Will this help?"

River nodded, "Is this the only blanket?"

"Yeah. There's a bed upstairs if that'll be more comfortable."

"I think it would be more comfortable, but I don't think I can make it up the stairs."

"I can carry you." The Doctor offered. He scooped up River, towel and all, following after Jack. Her whole body was stiff and tense in her husband's arms as Jack lead them to the bedroom up the stairs.

The Doctor put her down on the bed, putting pillows behind her back. "The pressure's getting worse." She breathed.

"It only means you'll be pushing soon." He sent Jack downstairs to keep watch.

"That's not very reassuring."

He took her hand again, "You're so strong, love. You can do this."

She shook her head, "I don't want to."

"There isn't really another option." He apologized. She'd been saying for so long that she didn't want this pregnancy to last any longer than it had to, so her refusal confused him. "But the sooner she's out the sooner the pain will stop."

"It's not about the pain!" She cried.

He tried not to jump, keeping his voice calm. "I know." She buried her face in her hands. He scooted closer so he could put his arms around her. "Talk to me love?"

"There's nothing to talk about." She shook her head.

"There's something very big to talk about that's keeping you from wanting to push."

"Talking won't change anything." She whispered.

"Talking can change a lot of things, and there are a lot of things about to change for the both of us." He said in the same tone.

"Please stop." She whispered, "Just stop."

He frowned but stopped talking.

She refused to look at him for a long time as the urge to push grew. She remained untalkative.

The Doctor worriedly sat close to her, trying to watch her body language for clues. She shifted, extremely uncomfortable.

"...Is it stronger?" He eventually felt brave enough to ask.

"I'm fine." She lied, breathing through clenched teeth.

"You're in the late stages of labour..." He protested.

"I'm fine." She repeated, clutching the sheet of the bed. The action didn't go by unnoticed.

"May I check you again?"

"No, I'm fine." She snapped at him.

He didn't flinch this time. "I really think it's time for you start pushing."

"I'm not pushing." She refused.

"This isn't something you can put off for very long without harming yourself and Terra. I know you're scared, but I'm here."

She shook her head, "I'm not doing it."

"Why?" He insisted.

"Because, I told you, I don't want this."

Terra pushed against River's ribs to bear her head down. River was completely ignoring everything her body was telling her.

"What do you need, River? There must be something I can do for you to help."

"Just stop talking and leave me alone!" She hissed. He wasn't going to leave her like this but retreated to the end of the bed.

River sat, trying to fight through the pain for as long as possible. Luckily for her, she was a fighter and did not plan on backing down anytime soon.

An hour passed and the Doctor was getting frightfully worried. Her contractions were lasting longer than the breaks between them and if they were in a hospital there'd be preparation for an emergency cesarean.

They didn't have the tools for that let alone River's consent. The Doctor started searching his pockets.

"What are you doing?" River whispered.

"Seeing if I still have a stethoscope in here." He murmured.

"Why do you need a stethoscope?"

"To check Terra's hearts." He said, finding the equipment. "She's going to start losing oxygen soon. Or has."

"What?" She stared at him.

"I've been trying to tell you: this is what happens when you refuse to push." He stuck the ear pieces in, reaching for her belly. "May I?"

"No." She whispered, flinching away from him.

"Please, River... We need to know if Terra is alright."

"...Fine."

He approached again and exposed the skin of her belly, listening with the stethoscope. She stared at him, watching carefully. "Her heart beats are slowing." He said with a frown.

She didn't answer, focusing on a particularly bad contraction. He offered his hand. She didn't take it, squeezing her eyes tight.

"River... you're not built to keep her in. If she doesn't come out there will be negative effects you, too."

She sniffed, "I can't do it."

He sat beside her. "You don't have the strength to...?"

"No." She refused to look at him, "I'm not ready to be her mum. I can't do it."

"You do it so, so well for our other children. You love them through thick and thin... I know you can do that with her."

"It won't be the same." She shook her head, "You have so much faith in me and you're setting up all these expectations that I know I won't be able to fulfill."

"I only expect that you have love for her..."

"It doesn't feel like that's all you expect." She clutched the sheets beside her, trying to resist pushing through another contraction.

"I'll admit that my faith in you is probably more than what you have in yourself. I have faith that where love is, the rest will follow. I have faith that loving our daughter will guide you to protect her and kiss her goodnight and plaster her knees when she falls."

River cried out, leaning forward, her eyes tightly shut. He was still ready to let her squeeze his hands.

"I know I can't promise that everything will be alright, and I really wish I could. I don't know what the future will hold any more than you do. What I do know is that our daughter needs you right now. I know that holding her in your arms could be magical. You need to push, love."

Her eyes were red and she didn't appear to acknowledge what he said, but finally she started pushing. He positioned himself between her legs. "Big pushes now."

"Shut up." She growled.

He shut his mouth again, deciding his instruction was unwanted and River had plenty from her own body. Silent tears were forming in her eyes.

It didn't take long for Terra's head to become visible. The Doctor rather quietly announced the progress.

If it was at all possible, River tensed even more. She was terrified and felt so alone. She was shaking and desperately trying to hide how distraught she was becoming. Her entire body was covered in sweat and she had begun to bleed some.

He rubbed her leg reassuringly, "You're doing so well."

"It doesn't feel like it." She groaned.

"Just a few pushes and her head will be out."

She nodded, resuming pushing. He frowned once Terra's head fully emerged. River looked up at him, noticing his frown, "What?"

"Her color isn't good." He murmured. "I don't think she's getting enough oxygen."

"Is her neck clear?" She asked.

He nodded. "There must be a knot in the chord somewhere."

"What do I need to do?" River asked.

"Just push. We need to get her out as soon as possible."

She nodded, though was starting to struggle as she pushed hard.

"Deep breaths, love. You can do this." He encouraged.

She pushed harder, despite her body's warnings to stop and breathe. Terra's shoulder slipped free.

"That's it. One more."

She pushed again and shouted, focusing her energy in. The Doctor held his breath as he caught their daughter, pulling out materials from his pocket to cut and clamp the cord.

River fell back against the cot, breathing heavily, not registering that the baby wasn't crying immediately.

"She's pinking up." He breathed, wrapping her up in the towel.

Terra was whining when he put her on River's chest. River didn't wrap her arms around the baby as she usually would. She tensed and stared at her as if she had never seen a baby before. "Doctor...I don't want-" Terra let out a cough and started crying properly, terrified of this new world. "Doctor, please..." River begged, not wanting to hold the baby.

He was still busy between her legs, ignoring her request. "You're bleeding."

"Doctor!"

His eyes snapped up to her.

"I can't do this!"

He lifted his bloodied hands to move Terra off her stomach, placing her carefully beside the two of them. She whined something along the lines of _alone_.

River couldn't look at the baby, acting very strange. While her behavior didn't go unnoticed, the Doctor had to focus on the bleeding. "Still got to deliver the placenta."

River didn't answer, completely out of it by now.

"River?" He tapped on her leg, trying to get her attention. She barely glanced at him. "Little pushes for the placenta, yeah?" He said softly.

She gave a slight nod, looking over at Terra.

The infant was trying to squirm out of her towel, still crying strongly. River was afraid to touch her, she didn't want to hurt her any more than she already had.

Terra was too distraught to communicate with words, feelings of her own upset radiating out. She could feel River's fear and reluctance to be a mother to her and the only way she knew how to interpret that was as rejection.

"Doctor..." River breathed.

"Yes?" He looked up again.

"You have to hold her."

"I need to get this bleeding under control first."

"She needs someone to hold her!"

He wanted to say that _she_ ought to hold her daughter but didn't want to push it at the moment. He lifted his red hands and scooped Terra up, hushing her. "River, I need to take care of you."

"She can't hear you hushing her." River murmured.

"She can feel me rocking her, though." He looked down at Terra's big round, wet eyes. "[Everything's alright, sweetheart. You're alright. Mummy and Daddy are here now.]" He signed.

River closed her eyes, looking away from the two. Terra didn't stop crying and he shifted her to one arm to continue tending to River.

River's face was draining of color. The bleeding slowed once the placenta came away and he looked at her again. "How are you feeling?"

She didn't answer, though she opened her eyes to look at him.

"You've lost too much. We need to get you blood. We need a way into the TARDIS."

She closed her eyes again, not really hearing him. Terra was still wailing, squirming in her father's arms.

Jack burst into the room. "The old guy came back. He gave me a vortex manipulator. And I overheard that River's now classified as a multiple-murderer, so they're bringing in the Shadow Proclamation."

River looked up at Jack, eyes unfocused.

"We can get to the TARDIS then." The Doctor said, hopeful.

Jack nodded, setting the coordinates, "Who's going first?"

"You take River first. She needs to be safe and she needs blood from the med bay." He insisted.

"Baby first." River shook her head, "She's too loud. They're going to find us."

"It's you they're looking for and you've lost so much blood." Her husband fretted.

"Oh, that reminds me." Jack reached into his pocket, pulling out a pacifier. "The man left this, too."

"I don't care." River growled, "I'm telling you to take the baby."

The Doctor hesitated, but Jack didn't. He grabbed the Doctor's wrist, the three of them disappearing.

"Gotta love that open aired time travel." Jack grinned once they landed.

The Doctor frowned in disagreement, trying to comfort a now wailing Terra. "Go get River."

"Ay Ay, Captain." Jack saluted and vanished out.


	67. Spoilers

**Ch 67**

Jack had been gone barely a minute when footsteps sounded up the stairs of the abandoned apartment. The door to the little bedroom opened and a tall man with gray hair and a magician's coat entered, moving to River's side.

River hardly noticed, slipping in and out of focus. She opened her eyes, his form blurry for a minute. When he finally came into focus, she frowned, "Go away."

"Now River Song, if I leave you here you could very well bleed out." Said the Scottish man.

"Jack's coming back and you know it." She hissed.

"I do, but I have a hankering that you don't want to go with him."

"I don't want to go with you either." She frowned.

"Is it the eyebrows?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes.

"I can bring you some place much safer than here. I can help you."

"I already told you, I'm not coming, so unless you plan on kidnapping me, you're out of luck."

He sighed, then reached under her and scooped her up. "Option two it is then."

She yelped, the noise half pained half surprised. He brought her down the stairs and out of the building to the closest ally way where there was a familiar blue box.

"You do realize my last comment wasn't an invitation for a kidnapping."

"The definition of kidnapping doesn't involve mutual consent, so I suspected it wasn't one." He nodded, bringing her into the old box.

"Jack's going to have a heart attack when he comes back and I'm not there."

"I'll go and leave him a note."

The console room was much more metallic than what it used to be, the controls and wall neater. He brought her down quiet halls to the med bay and set her down on a cot before turning to leave a note for Jack.

"No." She whispered, grabbing his arm, "Don't leave."

"Alright. I do have to get you some blood unless the other side of the room is too far away for you."

"No, go." She released his arm, "It looks different in here."

"Got bored with the old layout." He said, going to retrieve a few units of blood for her.

She nodded slowly, "Where are our children?"

"Now that would be spoilers, wouldn't it." He replied. "Hold out your arm."

She held her arm out for him, glaring, "Where's the dog?"

He started an I.V. "A version of your husband from god knows how far in the future turns up at your door and you ask about the dog?"

"Are you going to answer the question or not?"

He sighed. "He died a few years ago."

"Oh..." She breathed. She had asked to get an idea of how far into the future he was, not because she was terribly concerned about the dog, but hearing that he was dead sunk her spirit a bit. "Sorry..."

"It's alright. It was peaceful." He murmured.

"Spoilers..." She looked down at the floor.

"You're allowed to know at least that much." He'd rather fix a peaceful death in time than a painful one.

"Why didn't you warn me earlier?"

"About what?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the cot.

"That Terra was going to come."

"Because I already knew I hadn't." He said.

"You could have changed what happened." She sighed, "Because you _know_ I didn't want it to happen like that. You could have at least let one thing go right for me during this pregnancy because everything else went wrong."

"Not absolutely everything, but many things I suppose." He gave it quiet acknowledgment, though in his opinion it had gone a lot better than with Arthur or William. "River if I had warned you to go back to the TARDIS and give birth somewhere safe, then I wouldn't have anything to warn you about in the future and would never have done so in the first place. Paradoxes; I can't change our past all the time."

She looked away from him, still upset despite knowing he was right.

"Can I get you a coffee or something?" He asked.

She raised an eyebrow, "Coffee? You drink coffee?"

"Once in awhile." He nodded. "I can make you tea if you want that instead." He offered.

"I'm fine." She shook her head.

"Alright." He clasped his hands, leaning on his forearms as he looked around the room. "What do you think?"

She shrugged, "It looks more...mature"

"Not quite what Bow Tie was, am I" He murmured.

She watched him carefully, "You say that like its a bad thing."

"Is it?" He looked up at her.

"No."

He relaxed a bit. "Good. Are you feeling any better?"

"It depends on what you mean by better."

"Like you could probably stand up without getting dizzy."

"Then, yes, I'm feeling better."

"That's good. I'd like you to rest here for a while if that's alright." He leaned back in the chair.

"So the kidnapping continues." She murmured.

"You live here, it hardly counts."

"I don't live here." She murmured, "Another River lives here."

He shrugged. "Actually, she's traveling at the moment."

"Traveling?" Her brow furrowed.

"For her birthday." He confirmed.

She nodded, "Where's Terra?"

"That's spoilers, isn't it. I thought you knew what questions you couldn't ask."

"Well, it's also spoilers for me to know that I'm traveling right now, but you didn't mind telling me that, so I thought you were making exceptions."

"I'm telling you the things you said I had told you already." He explained.

"Well, then I'll tell you that you told me about Terra." She whispered.

He considered this. "I can answer any questions you have about the Terra you left Bow Tie with. The Terra now... well I can't say much, but I can introduce you if that's what you want."

"I-" She hesitated, "Do you think that would be alright?"

He nodded. "She won't spoil anything major for you, and if you don't tell Bow Tie about it then there's no danger."

She nodded, "I won't."

"If you feel well enough to stand, we can see her."

"If you help me, I think I can manage."

He offered his support to help her up and wrapped an arm around her waist once she was standing. She winced but walked with him. They went slowly, mindful of the I.V. pole they wheel alongside her still.

Terra's room wasn't too far and the Doctor opened the door without knocking. The girl in the middle of the room looked about ten years old and had her back to the doorway

The Doctor flickered the light switch to get her attention. She turned around.

River held her breath.

The girl started to look concerned at River's unease, so the Doctor explained: "[Terra, this is a younger Mummy. In her time, you were just born. No spoilers.]" He spoke along with his signs so River would understand.

It scared River that the girl didn't appear to be especially happy to see her. Was it because she wasn't a good mother to her? Did Terra not love her? Was their relationship not good even in the future?

Terra stood with the doll she'd been holding, going over to the pair and staring up at River before asking, "Can I visit Toby?"

"She can talk? I-I don't know how to sign." River shook her head, "I shouldn't be here. I have to go."

He tried to urge her to stay. "I can translate what you say."

She looked between them, "Does she love me?"

He nodded. "With all the heart a child can love with, though you can just ask her if you don't believe me."

"Can you ask her for me?"

He looked softly at his daughter. "[Mummy wants to know if you love her.]"

Terra wasn't hesitant to nod and sign 'yes' and hold her arms up for River to lift her.

River nearly reached down to pick her up, then stopped herself. "I want the first time that I hold her to be when she's a baby."

Terra looked confused. "Hug!" River carefully reached down to hug the girl, holding her tightly in her arms.

"We decided on oral training as well as sign." The Doctor murmured, smiling softly at them. "We mainly use sign, but it helps that she can call us into the room when she needs us."

River wasn't really paying attention, keeping her arms tight around her daughter. Terra was noticeably many keys happier than she was a moment ago, wiggling her head to look up at her. "Stay for dinner?"

She shook her head, "Not tonight. I have to go back to my version of you." She looked at the Doctor who translated what River said.

"[But today is our birthday Daddy is cooking our favorite.]" She protested, which the Doctor relayed back to River.

River smiled weakly, though the offer was tempting, she had to be with her baby now, "I can't, but I promise, I'll make sure future I comes back in time for dinner."

Terra thought this was a reasonable compromise and nodded. She then pointed at herself, crossed her arms over her chest with flat palms, then pointed at River.

River knew what that meant, repeating the sign back to her, "I love you too."

Terra beamed then signed something to her father. He chuckled. "She want's you to bring cookies next time you visit."

She laughed as well, "Alright, I will."

He told Terra that they were going to go back to the med bay before Mummy left and she ought to stay and continue to play until dinner time.

"I don't need to go back to the med bay." River murmured.

"Just for a quick scan. I want to make sure you won't start bleeding again."

"Fine." She nodded.

Terra waved to them as they turned back down the hall. River waved back, still needing a lot of the Doctor's support to walk.

He helped her back down on the cot when they returned. "You look... less scared."

"I feel a bit less scared." She murmured, though wasn't sure if she was just psyching herself into it. He offered an old smile and ordered the scan. River lay still so he could scan her.

"Everything looks normal." He said after a moment, reading off the scan. "Just the regular fatigue and soreness you'd feel after pushing a person out of you, but you're familiar with that. You'll need lots of rest."

She nodded, "Of course, I know how this all works. Thank you."

"You can rest here." He offered.

She shook her head slowly, "I should get back."

"Do you think you're ready to?" He asked carefully.

"As ready as I can be." She whispered.

"The whole pregnancy, you kept talking about needing time; The kind of time where you didn't have Bow Tie over your shoulder or Terra pulling on your mind. I only bring it up because you can have it now if you need it."

"I know, but I never got that time, and now I have responsibilities. If I don't go back now, I may never go back." She whispered. "I needed time, but I didn't get it, so maybe I wasn't meant to have it. Maybe I was meant to just figure things out as I go."

"Not alone, of course." He added.

"Of course, I have you." She smiled softly.

He returned the expression. "If I ever get too much for you, feel free to come back here. Possibly with cookies for Terra."

She smiled, "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."

"Let's get you back to your time, then." He offered a hand up. She took the hand, slowly rising.

They went to the console room in a pace she could manage before he set her on the jump seat and began piloting. "Did you like the peony?"

"I did." She nodded, "A good way to give yourself away."

"Subtlety is boring." They landed and he helped her up again. "Should I give you some parting words of wisdom?"

"If you have some." She nodded, walking with him to the door.

" Don't be afraid to ask Bow Tie for help. Or tell him to sod off, he's a big boy, he can handle it." He thought. "The girls will be off the walls with excitement, so if that's overwhelming then tell me to take the kids to the park or somewhere so you can have some quiet."

She smiled weakly, "Is that all?"

He sighed, knowing that his words were useless. He knew what she was going to do in just a matter of hours. "Unless you have burning questions."

She shook her head, "Nothing that you'll be allowed to answer."

"You'll probably have your answer in due time, anyway." He nodded. "We're in the flat, by the way. Give Bow Tie a call and tell him where you are. He's worried sick if I recall correctly."

"Don't worry, I will." She slowly walked out, grateful to rest on the couch. Toby marched into the room as the TARDIS dematerialized, excited to see the Timelady. River smiled, reaching for the phone with one hand and greeting the dog with the other.

Toby made a curious noise, pushing his nose into her side.

"She's not in there." River murmured, calling the TARDIS, "She's out now."

The phone only rang twice before a frantic sounding Doctor answered. "Hello?"

"Relax." River murmured, "It's me. I'm in the flat and I'm perfectly fine."

"But Jack was gone ages and when he came back he said you weren't there but he wouldn't give me any details and are you sure you're alright are you hurt is someone making you say that?" He said all at once.

"I'm fine. If you don't believe me then come to the flat and see for yourself." She sighed, "I'll explain once you get here."

It was hardly a minute before the TARDIS materialized and the young, tweed-wearing Doctor rushed out holding their still crying daughter.

River smiled weakly at him, "Told you."

He looked her over, visibly relaxing as he tried to calm Terra. "What happened?"

She was watching the baby now, a bit distracted, "You… you were there. You took care of me."

He frowned in confusion since he'd been in the TARDIS the whole time trying and failing not to panic. After a moment, he realized what she meant and refrained from asking questions, following her gaze to their daughter. "...She's hungry."

River wasn't quite ready for that. The urge to run away was quickly returning, "...I- ...Already?"

"Babies don't come out with a full stomach." He pointed out. "I, uh, I can find some formula..."

River winced, eyes on the floor now.

"Are you alright?" He sat down next to her.

"Sore." She murmured.

He nodded. "You didn't answer my question."

"Which one?" She sighed.

"Should I find some formula for her?"

She hesitated, "...No..."

"No?" He looked a bit hopeful.

She nodded tentatively holding out her arms. He gently placed the red-faced infant in her arms, watching River's expression carefully. She tensed, staring down at the little baby in her arms, all the fear returning.

Terra squirmed and blinked sadly up at her. Maybe the future had been wrong since she already felt like she was failing. Every second she held her daughter, she felt worse. The little person, who was supposed to be so innocent and happy and full of love, was just making her feel like a failure with her big sad eyes. Terra should have been happy to see her, not sad to be in her arms. "I can't do this..." She whispered, "I don't know how to do this."

He put and assuring hand on her shoulder, hoping to offer comfort. "Just tell her she's alright. Tell her she's safe."

She stared at him, her body tense before following his advice, _It's okay._

 _Where am I?_ She asked, distraught.

 _You're with me. In the world._

 _This is where your stories come from?_

 _Yes, this is where the stories are from._

Her crying started to die down to whimpers. _What about the monsters? Will they come and get me?_

 _No, they're not going to get you._

Terra squirmed uneasily, not convinced. _What's the thing down there?_

 _That's the dog, Toby. You know Toby._

She searched her small memory, recalling not only the dog but the cats and the hands of her siblings and aunts and uncles as well. _...Are you going to leave?_

 _"No, not right now."_

 _Don't leave!_ She whimpered.

 _"I'm not leaving."_

Terra whimpered again.

"You're doing brilliantly." The Doctor murmured and kissed River's temple.

She shook her head, still very unsure. Terra's hand wrapped tightly around her finger, gurgling something about being hungry. River swallowed, "Alright, we'll get you fed."

"It's alright to not be ready for that." The Doctor murmured. "I can still get some formula."

She shook her head, "No, I should do this."

He nodded. "Do you need anything?"

She shook her head, "No, I know how to do it."

"I meant like... privacy or something."

"Can you stay?" She asked, softly, not sure if she was entirely comfortable being alone with the baby.

"Course." He nodded without hesitation.

She slowly maneuvered so she could feed the baby properly. Terra latched quickly. It was the quietest she'd been since she'd first took a breath. River smiled weakly, "She looks like you."

"She's got my last face's chin, luckily." He noted.

She laughed softly, "No chin that will take your eye out."

"And still your curls." He grinned, pointing out the dark tuft on her head.

She nodded, "But your eyes." She smiled softly.

Terra's unhappiness seeped away as she nursed, settling for the first time.


	68. Red (Reprise)

**Ch 68**

Soon the Doctor and River and Toby went in the TARDIS to pick up their other children. Terra slept through the meeting of her all her siblings, unaware of their excitement and her mother's discomfort.

The TARDIS landed home again and Toby trotted out to the flat. "Can you help me get Terra into the nursery?" River asked her husband.

The Doctor nodded and took Arthur, giving her a hand up from her spot on the jumpseat. She leaned against him, still very sore. "What do you think about a rest, too?"

"That would be nice." She nodded.

They headed into the flat and he helped her up the stairs. She took the steps slowly, Terra securely in her arms. Arthur was balanced on the Doctor's hip, spouting random, word-like noises.

They went to the newest nursery first, River gently placing Terra in the cot. The baby gurgled slightly but didn't wake. The Doctor turned on the baby monitor.

River hovered over the cot, watching their sleeping daughter. Arthur rest his head against his father's shoulder as the man walked up to his wife.

"You alright?"

She nodded slowly.

"What flavor cake do you want?" He asked.

"Whatever we have will do." She murmured.

"That would be chocolate." He informed, eyes following her gaze. She nodded, sighing and finally looking away. "Do you want to help put Arthur down?"

"Of course." She nodded. He placed his arm around her waist as they made their way from the newborn's room.

She walked with him to Arthur's room, giving the boy a small smile. He had already started his nap in the Doctor's arms. River touched her son's cheek, leaning in to give him a soft kiss.

The Doctor placed him in his cot.

"Sleep well, my love," River whispered, despite the baby already sleeping.

"He'll be awake soon." The Doctor murmured. It was only just after noon here, despite that the Doctor and River had come from late evening. Their day would have a few extra hours.

She nodded, "I know."

"Now it's our turn for a little shut eye."

"Do we have any extra pillows and blankets?" She asked softly.

"In the linen closet."

"Can I have some?"

He nodded and went to fetch her some. River went to their bedroom and sat herself down on the bed, sighing.

He returned with what she asked. "Here."

"Thank you." She whispered, placing the pillows in the places she wanted them. "Will you lay down with me for a few minutes?"

"Course." He toed off his shoes and crawled up the bed. She curled against him, sighing quietly. "What a day." He hummed.

She nodded, staying quiet. He wanted to ask again if she was okay but decided on just taking her hand and giving it a soft squeeze. She squeezed back, "At least the girls are happy."

"Yes. ...Your happiness matters, too, though."

She didn't respond. He watched her, thoughts about postpartum depression crossing his mind.

"What's wrong, love?"

She shook her head, "Nothing."

The words didn't seem very truthful. "You can tell me, dear. I'm your husband, you can tell me anything." He searched her face.

"I don't want to talk." She shook her head, not looking at his face.

"Alright." He sighed softly. "You don't have to."

She pulled the blankets tighter against her. Even though she was tired, she couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. The Doctor fell into a light sleep with his arm around her.

Some time later, Terra started whining from the other room. River was still awake, but she did nothing to get up and take care of the whining infant.

The whining started escalating to loud, fearful cries. "Doctor..." River breathed, shaking her husband.

He stirred and blinked awake, humming, "Hmm?"

"The baby's crying." She whispered.

"Oh." He yawned and sat up. "I got her." She watched him go, not saying anything.

Toby plodded into the room when he was gone, peering up at River. River didn't seem to take much notice of the dog. He hopped up on the bed and curled up next to her. She looked at him, then gently stroked his head. He made an appreciative noise, resting his head on her leg. She continued the motion, knowing the dog could probably sense her emotions. His training always prompted him towards her in times like these.

The Doctor returned with a small bundle in his arms. River immediately tensed when she saw the baby.

"I think she just wanted some company." The Doctor said, moving to settle back on the bed.

River was already retreating into herself. "Oh..."

Toby scooted up the bed, wedging himself between his two masters. River felt a bit better with the animal acting as a barrier between them, though she was still tense.

Terra now rested on her father's chest, face towards River, her little round eyes captured by Toby. River was staring at her own blanket covered feet, not wanting to look at the baby.

The infant wiggled slightly and managed to get an arm free of her blanket wrap. The Doctor offered a finger to cling to which she took.

He smiled. "Look at that. We made a whole other person."

River suddenly stood, blinking back a wave of unexpected, unexplainable emotion, and retreated from the room. Toby jumped to follow her, leaving a very confused Doctor on the bed. She headed straight for the TARDIS, a half thought out, and extremely dangerous plan forming in her head.

She was ready to break just about every rule she knew, but she didn't care. She was tired of this. She was feeling trapped under the guilt of not being able to love the child she had bore just a few hours earlier. It was unfair -not just to River- but to Terra, too. Well, if the universe wasn't going to play fair with her, then she wasn't going to follow its rules.

The TARDIS groaned in a protest for what River was about to do, Toby jumping on to the pilot's chair. She set the coordinates for a day some nine months ago, the day she had told the Doctor she'd wanted to start trying for another baby.

Console started sparking aggressively, the levers suddenly difficult to move. River yanked on the levers, growling, "We both know that I know how to override you, so either cooperate or you'll have no control!"

Toby barked worriedly and the TARDIS refused to give in, fighting against River even with the threat of an override.

She slammed her hand down on the controls, going in to override the system. The TARDIS suddenly went completely silent and the lights shut off. Toby jumped down to River's legs, growling in the direction of one of the halls.

River looked up, trying to figure out what the dog was growling at. After a short moment, a very loud, unpleasant sort of crashing emitted from the hall. Suddenly a large, glowing crack appeared in the hall. It seemed to just be hovering there, not supported by anything.

She grabbed the dog's collar, shooing him back into the safety of the flat before locking the door behind her so she would be alone with the crack. It was emitting strange sounds and seemed to be growing wider.

"I haven't done anything yet, why are you doing this already?" She hissed, turning back to the controls. A shadow became viable in the light of the crack; a silhouette of a person.

River was ignoring it now, taking off. The lights remained off, but the controls didn't protest River's commands.

A person emerged from the crack, slowly walking in her direction. She tensed, knowing that she wasn't alone in the room. "River," The voice was Scottish. "you're doing it wrong."

"Go away." She whispered.

"Can't." The man sat on the jump seat.

She made sure the brakes were off before landing, deciding to ignore the man and do what she had come to do.

"River, stop." He stood. She continued to ignore him, her mindset. He reached for her shoulder. "Please, just listen to me. I'm not here to stop you, but just listen."

"I'm tired of listening!" She whirled around, "I don't want to listen anymore!"

He didn't look phased by her shouting. "Would you rather rip apart space and time? Because I can think of many good ways not to do that. Don't be seen. Leave a note."

"Leave me alone!" She ran to open the door. He didn't follow her out.

The air was cold in the flat as it was winter in the time she'd landed. There was a fire in the fireplace casting a soft glow over her younger self who lay sleeping on the couch with Arthur on her chest.

River stared at her younger self for several silent minutes before her shoulders started shaking and her knees gave out.

The young Doctor was happily humming in the other room, cutting out valentines. The older one emerged from the TARDIS, putting a silent hand on her shoulder.

She shook him off of her, not wanting his comfort. He sighed and handed her a piece of old looking paper with a note scrawled on it. "When you're ready, this is for her."

She looked up at him, taking the note and opening it up to read it. It had just one word on it: "wait". It was in her handwriting and even had "-From R" at the bottom. River read the word over and over again.

The older Doctor went back into the TARDIS. He wasn't going to pressure her to anything by hovering. Once River was alone, the crying came harder. She didn't know what to do.

She needed the time, she needed to tell her younger self to wait. If she didn't, then she didn't think Terra would ever get the proper love that she deserved. But if she did, she might erase her little girl from existence forever.

Behind her, a younger Toby plodded up and sat by her. River shook, curling up against the wooden doors of the TARDIS, trying to keep her sobs silent. Toby pushed his nose against her shoulder.

"Go away." She whispered, pushing the dog away. Toby whimpered and went upstairs.

She buried her head in her hands, her hearts heavy and aching. Toby returned a minute later, carrying one of Arthur's booties in his mouth. He seemed to think this would make her feel better.

She took the bootie, holding it close, closing her eyes. Toby settled by her feet, lying down protectively.

She stood slowly after a while, walking to the couch and placing the note where her younger self would see it. Footsteps of the young, happy Doctor started from the other room.

River knew she had to go, but she couldn't move, frozen where she stood. Toby nudged her from behind. She still didn't move.

The young Doctor approached his humming more recognizable as a sappy love song. She could feel the tears welling up again, hearts physically having trouble beating.

The humming stopped short as he came into the room, his eyes growing wide, and the card in his hands dropping to the floor. Her eyes shot up to him, red-rimmed wet. She slowly backed towards the TARDIS.

"River...?" He tried gently, confused. She shook her head, running into the TARDIS.

He blinked the moment that just happened disappearing from his mind. He looked at his current wife and found a blanket to wrap around her and their few-month-old son. He then picked up the card and sat on the couch, watching the fire and waiting for them to wake.

The older River locked the door behind her, then sunk to the floor, head in her hands. The older Doctor was nowhere to be found.

When she regained enough strength to stand, she sent the TARDIS into empty space. She wasn't ready to go home and face the decision she made. The ship hummed in silent assurance, no longer fighting her. River left the console room, going to her bedroom to lay down. She felt alone, heartbroken, and unsure if she had made the right decision. River's emotions remained strong until she fell asleep.


	69. Missing

**Ch 69**

When River woke up a few hours later, her heart felt heavy though she couldn't remember why. She stood, going to the console room to head home.

The flight history had been erased and the ship seemed quieter than usual. She made her way home, trying to brush away the lingering sadness.

Once she had landed, she stepped into the flat. The Doctor was in the living room, helping Arthur practice walking. River smiled when she saw them, but found herself looking around for someone else, getting a bit disappointed when there was no one else there. She couldn't explain the feeling, it just felt as though something was missing.

"Mumma!" Arthur cheered when he spotted her.

"Hello, my love!" River smiled at him, going to scoop him up and kiss him.

He squealed and babbled excitedly, 'Taya' among one of the words spouted from his mouth. Usually, River couldn't really decipher what the baby was saying, but "Taya" stuck out to her.

The sinking feeling flooded her and she cradled the baby closer. "I missed you." She whispered, trying to blink back the tears that had unexplainably filled her eyes.

The Doctor kissed her cheek, detecting her mood. "Where'd you go off to?"

"I just needed to run a few errands." She murmured, giving him a weak smile.

"I was about to start making dinner. Hungry?"

She nodded, "Yeah, a bit."

"That's a good sign. You got so sick on Dundenbar I thought you had food poisoning."

"I'm feeling much better now." She assured him.

He smiled. "I'm glad. Will you watch Arthur?"

"Of course." She nodded, sitting down on the couch. He wandered off to the kitchen to start dinner.

Arthur reached for one of his mother's curls and tried to stick it in his mouth. River hugged him close, hoping is she just held him this feeling would go away. Arthur was very content to be with his mum, starting to babble again.

After a while, she set him down so they could play. The girls and Toby came down the stairs a bit later, wanting to join in with their brother. They family spent the next hour playing make-believe games in the living room.

The Doctor eventually called them to dinner, Arthur immediately trying to crawl in the direction of the kitchen. "It looks like someone's hungry!" River laughed.

Toby moved to block his path and point him back to his mother.

"It's alright, he can go." River stood, going to stand near the baby. Toby moved, though walked alongside the tot just in case. River kept a close eye on the two as they made their way to the kitchen.

The girls eagerly sat down as the Doctor placed the meal on the table. River scooped Arthur up and placed him in his high chair, then took her own seat. Toby sat below Arthur, knowing there'd be some food dropped eventually.

"Dinner looks wonderful." River smiled at her husband.

"Even better with everyone here." He said, looking around at his children.

She looked around the table, the feeling that something was missing returning, "I-"

They all looked at her expectantly, except Arthur who was chewing on his hand.

"I agree." She finished, hesitantly.

"Happy birthday, love."

"Thank you."

Arthur naturally made a mess of his food during dinner, the girls chatting away about the details of their sleepover with Matty.

The Doctor did the clearing when dinner was done, also starting on the cake. River cleaned up the mess that Arthur had made, sending the girls to go play a bit more while the cake was being made.

"Puppy!" Arthur wiggled in his chair.

"Yes, puppy's getting a very nice meal." River murmured.

He giggled when Toby licked at his feet. She lifted him up out of his high chair once he was clean, setting him down to crawl around. He did so with the dog trailing behind him.

"Toby loves Arthur." River murmured.

The Doctor nodded. "An adorable pair, they are."

She walked over to his side, making sure she could still see the baby, "How are you?"

"Fine. Why do you ask?" He looked up at her.

She shrugged, "I don't know."

"Are you feeling alright?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'm fine."

"You just... seem a bit off since we got back." He murmured.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why." She whispered, genuinely confused.

"It's alright. I just wondered if there was something I could do."

She shook her head, walking a bit closer to him and wrapping her arms around him. He grinned. "Did you enjoy today?"

"Of course, it was wonderful." She smiled, holding him a bit tighter.

He wiggled one of his arms free to return the gesture. "How many candles do you want on the cake?"

"Just one will do."

"I figure once one is passed two hundred, candle amounts become more fluid."

"Yes, I'm afraid you'd probably burn the house down if you tried to put all the candles on."

"I think I did try that when I was 703." He recalled.

"Oh really?" She laughed, "And what happened?"

"The memory is a bit foggy, but I believe I lost the whole of deck seven."

She smiled, "And that's why we don't try and put over 700 candles on our cake."

"Had to give it a go." He chuckled. "Lesson well learned."

She leaned in to give him a soft kiss, "Good."

He finished up the cake batter and put it in the oven.

"Can we talk about something after we've put the kids to bed?" She asked softly.

"Course." He nodded.

She turned to go to the living room. The Doctor scooped up Arthur and joined her on the couch. She sat and watched the girls play.

When the cake was ready the girls insisted on helping their father with the icing. "Try not to make too much of a mess," River warned.

"We won't!" They called back, though it was probably a promise they couldn't keep.

She stayed with Arthur on the couch, Toby laying at their feet. Arthur entertained himself with playing with the ring on River's finger.

River brought him into the kitchen once the cake was ready, resetting him in his high chair. The girl sat back in their seats looking very proud of themselves.

"You girls did a wonderful job!" River praised. The cake read 'happy birthday mum' in blue frosting with a single candle between the birthday and mum.

"We helped write it and everything!"

"Well, it looks beautiful!" She smiled, giving them each a kiss on the forehead.

Arthur made and excited noise, wanting both a kiss and cake. River laughed, kissing his cheeks as well.

The Doctor lit the candle and all who could started to sing happy birthday to her. Once they were finished, she blew out the candle and cut the cake.

Arthur made another mess, but the girls were surprisingly neat with their slices.

River once again cleaned the baby up when they were done. The girls took Toby up to their room to play.

"I think it's about time you get to bed." River murmured to the baby. He made no complaints, reaching up to be held. She snuggled him close, carrying him upstairs. The Doctor stayed to do the dishes.

Arthur grew sleepy against River's chest. She hummed as she brought him up the stairs to tuck him into his crib. Tiber trotted in and jumped on a shelf to watch the two. She draped his blanket over him, giving him another kiss, "Goodnight my love."

He was too sleepy by that point to do anything more than babble back at her. She left to go back downstairs with the Doctor.

He was on his last dish when she came down.

"I'm sorry for leaving you with all the dishes." She murmured.

"I don't mind. Consider it another gift."

She leaned in to give him a kiss, "Thank you."

He accepted happily. "My pleasure. What did you want to talk to me about?"

She hesitated, "Let's go sit..." He nodded, placing his arm around her.

They walked into the living room, sitting on the couch. "So what's all this about?" He asked. Mr Thomas strolled in and hopped up in hopes for affection.

"Do...do you feel like something's missing?"

He frowned. "In what way? Did you lose something?"

"I don't know..." She whispered, "It feels like...someone's missing."

"One of our friends...?"

"No… Not like that."

"Well, then I'm not quite sure what you mean."

She bit her lip, not really knowing how to explain it, "I don't know, but today I just...felt like someone was missing, from our family.

"Well, when you put it that way... yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Just today, though, a sort of... I don't know. A hole somewhere I can't place. I get that when a fixed point passes by or time shifts in someway. I didn't think it had anything to do with our family, though."

She nodded, feeling another wash of sadness that had become common for the day. He reached for her hand. "Hey, it doesn't necessarily mean something happened with us. You've got enough Gallifreyan in you to feel time like that, too."

"I know." She nodded, "But… I just feel like something's missing." She repeated herself since it was really the only words she could find to describe her feelings.

"Well... if you have an idea of what, then maybe we could find a way to put it back." He suggested.

She nodded slowly, having a bit of an idea, though she didn't know what he'd say to it. He scratched Mr Thomas' ears, earning a purr from the cat.

"How would you feel if..." She hesitated.

"What?" He urged gently.

"If we had another baby? Not necessarily now, but...soon."

He blinked at her for a moment or two, not having expected the question, but for some reason feeling certain about his answer. "I would feel just fine about that."

"I know we talked about it a bit, but that was almost a year ago and..." She paused, "Do you really think so?"

He shrugged. "I can't tell the future any more than you can, but I know we've handled a lot worse."

She nodded slowly, "I still have to think about it." She stared at the dark fireplace.

"I'm not in any rush." He watched her.

She nodded, leaning in to hug him tightly. He returned the gesture, hoping to chase away whatever was making her so unhappy.

She smiled weakly, "I love you. Thank you for making my birthday so special."

He smiled back. "I love you, too."

She pulled back, "Shall we go put the girls to bed?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

-x-

Summer for the Song family brought back their habit of regular outings and adventures. They saw the flowers of Veatir, went swimming in the rivers of Dacoe, and attended festivals on Buvoth every Saturday.

While the girls still saw some of their school friends, they also made connections on their adventures with young aliens their age, whom they insisted on seeing just as often.

Summer soon transitioned into Fall. The family was no less busy now that school was starting up again for the girls. While the weekdays were spent at the flat so the twins could attend school and human play dates, the weekends were reserved for visits to the homes of their alien friends.

In late October, the girls learned that Halloween was a bit more exciting when celebrated in America and insisted that they go there for the holiday and bring their Urscian friends. (They'd blend right in and perhaps even win a costume contest.) River agreed, helping the girls coordinate the trip with their friends' parents.

Amelia wanted to dress as a princess, while Freya wanted to be a pirate. Arthur had enough vocabulary to inform his parents that he wanted to be a puppy. Vastra was happy to help make costumes with them that week and was over at the house one night to help work on them.

With their aunt's help, the costumes turned out magnificently. The girls ran around the house in their new outfits, with Arthur stumbling after them, while Vastra and River sat in the living room. The Doctor brought them tea and sat on one of the adjacent chairs as the women chatted away about all each other had missed since they last met.

River had poured a glass of wine for her and her friend, though they happily accepted the tea alongside. Vastra had just finished explaining how Jenny was making a come back from her recent bout of flu.

"Well, we do hope she'll be fully recovered very soon." River smiled.

"We'll visit when she is. We wouldn't want any of you catching anything."

She nodded, "We'd love to see her. Don't you two have an anniversary coming up?"

"Oh yes." Vastra nodded excitedly. "Next month, but I've already taken the liberty of reserving our lodgings."

"Oh! Where are you going?"

"Just a private little place up in Hempstead." She replied. "A bit of a 'get away', as they say."

"It sounds wonderful. If you need anything, the Doctor and I will be happy to help."

"It won't be necessary." She smiled.

The kids made another run through the middle of the living room, squealing gleefully.

"Be careful!" River called, not wanting anyone to get hurt.

Scattered, "We are!"s echoed back at her.

Vastra chuckled. "Arthur's getting big."

River nodded, "He's been calling himself 'big brother' lately."

"Really? Well isn't that precious." Vastra murmured, though looked at River in wondering if it was true to any degree.

River smiled, "Not so true quite yet, but yes rather cute."

"'Quite yet?'"

River shrugged glancing at the Doctor. He smiled admiringly back. "Maybe someday soon." River's face was bright, happy at the thought.

"I'm sure that will be quite the adventure for you two. I'd love to help out if and when that day comes."

River nodded, "Thank you."

The kids made yet another pass through the living room, though this time plopped down on the rug with their faces flushed from running.

"Have you worn yourselves out?"

The girls nodded while Arthur stood and stumbled over to River. "Lap!"

She scooped him up, setting him on her lap, "What do you say to Auntie Vastra for making your costume?"

"Thank you!" He cheered.

"You're very welcome." Vastra smiled back at him.

He promptly stuck his thumb in his mouth, settling in his mother's arms. River held him close, kissing his forehead.

"Are you girls excited for Halloween tomorrow?" The Doctor asked.

The girls nodded enthusiastically, "We're going to have so much fun!"

"No eating all your sweets in one night, alright?" They nodded, though they didn't intend to keep that promise.

"Puppy," Arthur added.

River looked down at him, "Puppy?"

He held onto one of the dog ears stitched onto and hanging down from his hood. "Woof!"

She laughed softly, "Oh, I see. My baby puppy."

He made a few more barks before Amelia added. "He's the pirate puppy and he's our pet on our ship and he can sniff out treasure."

"Oh, I didn't realize he was a pirate puppy." River nodded.

"And I'm the captain!" Freya added.

"Yes, and you look to be a very fierce one at that." She beamed.

"All treasure will be mine!"

"Well, I hope you'll share with your shipmates!"

She gave it a good deal of thought. "Maybe."

"Good. Why don't you girls go change into your pajamas so you don't get your costumes dirty." They nodded and went upstairs.

"Annie!" Arthur pointed to his aunt, wanting her to help him with his costume.

"I don't mind putting him to bed." Vastra offered.

"Thank you, Vastra." River smiled, passing Arthur to her.

The boy immediately snuggled into her arms. She stood and headed upstairs, humming softly to the boy.

River sighed as she watched them walk up the stairs, turning to the Doctor. He looked back, still sipping his tea. "Something on your mind?"

She shrugged, "I've just been thinking...about a baby."

"A baby?" He looked attentive.

"Yes, a baby." She smiled.

"Like... having a baby? Another?"

"Yes, like having another baby." She laughed softly.

He grinned. "What made you feel ready?"

"I had a dream the other day and...it helped." She murmured.

"Will you tell me about the dream?" He asked.

She nodded, "Well, we had another baby, a little girl. And she was perfect and she made our family feel...complete."

"Well if that's a dream you want to chase I'd be happy to run with you." She smiled and nodded.

Vastra returned from upstairs. "The little one went right to sleep."

"Thank you." River smiled, nearly glowing.

Vastra could see that something was making the pair a notable key happier. "I ought to be heading home now."

"Alright, thank you again for making the costumes, they look wonderful."

"No problem. I hope you all have a lovely time tomorrow." She said.

The Doctor rose to go fly her home. River waved, going upstairs to put Amelia and Freya to bed.

The two were in their pajamas, though still bouncing about everywhere.

"Alright, alright settle down, it's time for bed."

They refused. "We want a story!"

"Okay, lay down and I'll tell you a story."

They hurried beneath their covers at the promise, quickly settling. "I wanna hear the one about when you became captain of that ship!"

River told the story as she tucked them in, sitting on the edge of Amelia's bed. It took them the whole story to grow sleepy enough to close their eyes, though they were just awake enough to say goodnight.

"Goodnight, my darlings," River whispered.

The Doctor had returned by that point, the TARDIS parked in a corner of his and River's room. River left the girls room, heading to their room.

Her husband was on the bed in his own pajamas, reading. She crept into the room, going to get changed. He looked up at the movement. "Girls asleep?"

She nodded, "Fast asleep."

He smiled softly, putting his book down on the nightstand. "Vastra says she wants to do Christmas at her house this year."

She turned to look at him, half dressed, "That would be nice."

He let his eyes linger over her as he nodded in agreement. "The Hub has too many buttons Arthur will want to press."

She nodded, smiling at his wandering eyes, "It's best that way"

"And you now how Jack lets hosting go to his head." He added.

She laughed, "He does take it a bit far."

She crawled into bed once dressed, sitting beside him.

"That's Jack for you."

She nodded, leaning down to kiss him. He hummed happily against her lips. She pulled back and smiled, "Girl or boy?"

"Huh?" He looked for clarification.

"Do you think we'll have a boy or girl?"

"Oh. Well, I'm not sure." He shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me."

"I know it doesn't." She smiled softly, "I was just curious."

"What do you think?" He asked back.

She shrugged, laying down, "I don't know. We'll have to wait and see."

He turned on his side to face her. "I take it you don't want it to be a surprise then?"

She shrugged, "I don't mind if it's a surprise. The only ever baby we waited to find out was," She hesitated, "William."

"I'd like to find out." He murmured, reaching out to tuck a stray curl behind her ear.

"Why?" She asked softly, leaning into his touch.

He shrugged. "I want to be able to pick a name sooner rather than later."

"Well, we could always just pick two names, one for a boy and one for a girl."

He nodded. "That's true. Although, there are a few steps in between now and then."

"Oh? Are there?" She teased, "Like what?"

"Such as making a baby to name." He chuckled.

"Oh, of course. That's the fun part." She giggled.

"The _very_ fun part." He grinned, pulling her close.


	70. White Wedding

**Ch 70**

Conception had always been easy for the Doctor and River in the past, but as months passed and still no baby, River began to become a bit frustrated. The Doctor suggested in mid-January that they could use the TARDIS to track River's fertility levels and other such physiological things (which she agreed to but didn't seem to make much of a difference).

Another few months and there was still no sign of a baby.

With their 300th anniversary coming up -from the Doctor's perspective. From River's perspective, it was more like 137 years- Vastra suggested a vow renewal, which quickly turned into a sixth wedding.

Planning the event gave the couple a distraction from their struggle to conceive a baby. The girls were overjoyed to have the chance to participate in a wedding. They were completely thrilled to give their input on dresses and flowers, and especially cakes. Arthur was very amused by the whole ordeal, loving to play with bits of the veil and ribbon samples.

On the day of the wedding, River and the girls spent the morning getting ready with Vastra, Clara and Jenny. The wedding was going to take place on Sicloph, a planet that held quite the resemblance to Gallifrey.

The Doctor had spent yesterday morning showing the kids around the silver forests and recalling tales of his old planet. The girls had saved as many leaves and twigs as they could which Clara was now making a little crown out of. River and Vastra were currently helping the girls into their lavender dresses while Jenny tried to fix Freya's hair. The girl was squirming excitedly which was why it was taking longer that it should.

"Freya, my love, please stand still." River murmured, finally managing to button the dress onto her.

Once the girls were finally settled and dressed, River went to go put her own dress on. Jenny brought the girls to the other room so their energy wouldn't overwhelm the room.

River took a deep breath, looking at the white gown hanging up.

"It's a beautiful choice." Vastra smiled.

"Thank you." She whispered, "I hope it fits."

"Didn't you have it fitted like a week ago?" Clara asked.

"Yes, but still..." She shook her head, starting to put the dress on.

Vastra helped her with the dress, zipping it up for her. River carefully placed the veil on, the dress fitting perfectly as it should. "Alright, we should be going."

"We still have some time." Vastra murmured. "You look lovely."

She smiled softly, taking a moment to look in the mirror, "Thank you."

"How do you feel?"

"Wonderful." She breathed, smoothing her hands down the full skirt of the dress. Her friends beamed for her.

"300 years. I can't believe you two have really been together all that time." Clara said.

"Yes, 300 years certainly is a long time." River whispered, "But...I love him, no matter what he does." She took another few moments to admire her reflection before insisting they go, rather excited to see her husband.

The building they were in wasn't where the main event would be happening, only the reception. The actual ceremony was outdoors at a chapel-esque seating area.

The guests were already all there from all over the universe, chattering away with each other as they waited. The girls and Arthur were waiting at the beginning of the isle monitored by Jenny, while Jack and the Doctor were waiting at the end.

Jenny and Clara went to take their seats while Vastra took over watching the children.

The music started up and the girls started off down the aisle, throwing flower petals down on the floor and grinning wildly. Next came Arthur and Vastra, with Vastra holding Arthur's hand, and finally River.

Not all of their audience was familiar with this Earth tradition but were pleased to be witness to it. The Doctor watched the members of his family approach and move to the side, hearts skipping when he saw his wife.

She smiled at him, taking his hands once she was close enough, "Hi."

He smiled wider. "Hello."

She took the bow tie from his neck and wrapped it around both of their hand. Their facilitator was one of the sisters of Plenitude whom lead the couple in their vows.

The Doctor kept his eyes on River, staring at her eyes with deep admiration. She was completely entranced in his face, not even really noticing anything else going on around them.

River practically pounced on him once it was time for the kiss. Their guests clapped and the Doctor surrendered to her lips eagerly, arms wrapping around her. She laughed once the kiss had ended, beaming, "Happy 300th Mr Song."

"And to you, Mrs Doctor." He beamed. She took his hand as they walked down the aisle.

With lots of excited chatter, the guests were all lead back to the reception hall where drinks and food were laid out.

As the party went on, River found a moment to slip out alone with her husband for a walk in the gardens. Their hands weaved together as they strolled.

"Have I gotten the chance to tell you that you look beautiful?" He asked.

She beamed, "Thank you, darling. You don't look too bad yourself."

He grinned, adjusting his bow tie. "All for you, my dear."

She laughed softly, "I love you."

"I love you, too." They paused walking to share a kiss.

She smiled softly at him, "I'm sorry we've been having such trouble having a baby."

"Don't worry yourself over it." He tapped her nose. "I'm sure we'll get there soon."

"Well... actually…. we're already there." She smiled, "I'm pregnant."

He stared at her for a moment, before his smile got somehow even wider. He threw his arms around her and lifted her. "River that's wonderful!"

She laughed, holding onto him tightly, "Are you happy?" He nodded, setting her down but keeping his arms around her. "It was quite the challenge trying to keep it a secret from you." She beamed, kissing him, "But I wanted to tell you tonight, happy anniversary."

"How far along are you, then?" He asked happily.

"Nearly two months." She smiled.

He let out a breath of awe. "When did you find out?"

"About two weeks ago."

"Oh, this is amazing, River! The girls will be so excited."

River nodded, "I'm so happy." She was a bit teary eyed, though she didn't know why. This felt like the right path, and strangely familiar.

He moved to cup her face. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, hugging him tightly, "Yeah."

He kissed her again and took her hand. "Shall we get back?"

She nodded, "Let's keep this our secret for a bit."

"Alright." He squeezed her hand as they made their way back.

River was glowing as they re-entered the party, smiling lovingly at the Doctor. When they bumped into Vastra she offered them both a glass of wine. River declined hers, lying by saying she already had a glass.

The girls ran around their parents' feet, having started a game of tag with their Urscian friends. River was happy to see her children having fun, looking around for Arthur. Clara was entertaining the boy over by one of the flower arrangements, pointing to the brightly colored plants and explaining something.

"Shall we go dance?" River asked, already pulling her husband close.

He nodded and whisked them over the dance floor. He placed a hand on her waist, the other clasped with hers. She smiled up at him, the two immediately falling into a dance.

The music that played was a soft instrumental that lead their feet in rhythmical steps. The others stopped and parted to make room for the couple's "first dance".

"You know, we haven't gone dancing in a while," River commented.

"Really?" They'd had moments in the living room or TARDIS where they'd decided for a little dance, though those didn't exactly count as going out for the activity.

She nodded, "Yes, really. Come to think of it, we haven't had too many date nights since Arthur was born. And I'm not counting all the nights we spent trying for a baby as date nights since the children were sleeping in the other room." She kept her voice low so their guests wouldn't overhear.

"Are you trying to hint at something, my dear?"

"Yes, I am." She smiled, "I think we deserve to go out and celebrate our newest accomplishment. After all, we did put months of hard work into it, and it is something to be celebrated." For humans, it was normal for conception to take a few tries, but for Time Lords it was almost unheard of, so she wasn't wrong about them deserving to celebrate after the past many months of disappointment.

"A honeymoon," he said, "Slash reward slash anniversary gift."

She laughed, "That's a lot of slashes."

"There are a lot of occasions." He pointed out.

"Yes, that's very true."

"So," he murmured as they swayed in time with the music. "A little getaway. Where to, then?"

"Nowhere too dangerous." She murmured, "I don't want to...risk anything."

He nodded. "Relaxing, dancing..." He thought. "We could go to a ball."

"That would be fun." She smiled, "As long as we avoid the balls hosted by the few royals I'd rather not run into again."

He nodded. "That's doable."

"Jack offered to take the kids tonight so we could be alone." She murmured.

"Did he? With Ianto, right? I don't want him alone with them, you know how much sugar he lets them have."

"Yes, Ianto will be there, but I think the girls learned their lesson after how sick they got the last time."

"I hope so." He chuckled.

She smiled and kissed him, "You've made me so happy."

"I'm glad," he hummed.

The rest of the party went on smoothly, their guests enjoying themselves.

As the reception ended, Amelia, Freya, and Arthur said goodbye to their parents. The Doctor gave Jack permission to stop by their house and pick up the kid's toys and other things they might need. They would the vortex manipulator while River and the Doctor got the TARDIS.

Once the party wrapped up, River and the Doctor retreated to the TARDIS. The ship greeted them with warm and congratulating hums.

The couple went first to the living room to sit for a while. The Doctor took the opportunity to give River a few anniversary gifts which consisted of archaeology related books, a new tube of hallucinogenic lipstick, and sapphire earrings.

"I have something for you as well." She smiled handing him a wrapped package.

He curiously undid the neat bow, pulling back the paper. On the top was a sonogram of their baby, along with a leather backed book. "You did an ultrasound?" He started, picking up the image.

"Yes, the TARDIS showed me. I wanted to be able to give this to you."

He smiled. "Oh, they're lovely."

She beamed, "The baby's so small."

"Well, you are only two months along." He pointed out, reaching for the book.

"I know, but sometimes I forget how small they start out."

The book had a pressed cover that read "The History According To The Doctor" and was a handwritten account of multiple centuries of the Doctor's adventures. It kept a record of all the people and planets he had saved from as far back as River could write. It was quite thick. "Did... did you make this?" He stared in amazement.

She nodded, "Do you like it?"

"River, this is brilliant!" He praised, flipping through the pages.

She laughed, "I'm glad you like it."

"You must've worked a long time on this."

She nodded, "It's taken awhile, but I thought you'd like it."

"I love it." He smiled and leaned over to peck her cheek. She smiled and nuzzled his neck.

"We're going to have to convert the office in the flat to a nursery." He said.

She nodded, "We should do it soon so we don't have to worry about it later on."

"Yeah." He agreed. "What color?"

"Perhaps a very pale yellow." She murmured, looking down at her stomach, "Would you like that?"

As expected there wasn't any response from the baby, though the Doctor smiled. "I'm sure they will."

She smiled and nodded, resting her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her. "It's been quite a lovely day."

"It certainly has been." She smiled, kissing his cheek, "Shall we go change?"

"For the ball? Or shall we do that tomorrow." He asked.

"We can do that tomorrow." She murmured, slowly getting up and rounding the sofa to rub his shoulders.

He hummed. "Alright."

She kneaded the knots in his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his temple. He leaned his head back to look up at her. "I love you more than anything, you know that?"

"Anything?" She raised an eyebrow, smiling.

"Well, besides the kids. You're all on the same level."

"Ah, that's what I thought." She kissed him again.

"Let's get changed, yeah?"

She nodded, walking to their bedroom. He carried their gifts to each other back with them and put them on his dresser to put away in the morning.

"Can you undo my dress?" She asked. He nodded, going over to help her.

She let it slide off of her body once it was unzipped. He watched her skin appear from under the fabric, eyes lingering over her. She smoothed her hands over her stomach, looking down at it. He peered over her shoulder. "You'll be showing by Arthur's birthday."

She nodded, biting her lip. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, then rounded her so they were front to front. "You alright?"

She seemed to be having another dazed moment, something that had been happening occasionally since her birthday. "I think so." She whispered though she closed her eyes.

He brought a hand up to hold her face. "Are you sure?" She didn't answer, opening her eyes to look at him. He offered a soft smile. "We're having a baby."

She smiled weakly, "I know, and I'm so happy. After all these months of nothing I'm so happy that we're finally having a baby."

"Bed, then?" He hummed.

She nodded, "Bed sounds good."

He started undoing his bow tie and unbuttoning his shirt. "Or, you know... the traditional activities one might do on a wedding night."

"That sounds even better." She smiled.

He hid his blush by kissing her and as the number of clothes on the floor rose, so did the passion invested in the night. By the end of the night, the two were tangled in the sheets, breathless and completely smitten.

They slept in come morning, enjoying not being woken up by their children. River, for once, was up before the Doctor. She stole one of his shirts to wear and crept into the kitchen to make them breakfast.

When the Doctor woke, he was quite confused not to find his wife next to him and quickly got up to look for her. The smell of breakfast was lingering in the hall, giving him a hint of where she was.

He followed the scent, entering the kitchen. River had her back to him, busy at the stove. He smiled relieved, and crept up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.

She jumped as she was caught off guard. Once she realized who it was she relaxed. "You've gotten good at sneaking up on me."

"I learned from the best." He chuckled.

She smiled and leaned into his arms, "Breakfast is almost done."

"What are you making?" He rest his head on her shoulder.

"Waffles and whipped cream." She smiled.

"Oh how exciting." He hummed. "Strawberries?"

"I haven't cut them up yet if you want to do that."

He nodded and went to help. Soon they were sitting down for breakfast, the TARDIS providing candles for a romantic mood. They ate and struck up an intriguing conversation, laughing with each other over their meal.

Once they were finished, the got ready to go out to the ball they had been talking about. They changed into extravagant attire, helping each other button shirts and zip dresses.

"So, which ball would you like to go to?" River asked.

"I was going to leave that up to you."

"I'll let you choose this time." She smiled.

"What about... the Unity Ball of 4708?"

"That sounds nice." She nodded.

"Off we go then." He took her hand.

-x-

The day consisted of lots of dancing, eating and more dancing. By the end of the night, River's feet were aching, but she was still having a wonderful time. They went back to the TARDIS laughing with their arms around each other.

River was giggling as they stumbled into the TARDIS, gliding over to the console, "Where to next?"

"Oh, it's your turn to choose now." He insisted.

She was about to answer when her face paled and she darted out of the room. "Riv?" He followed, looking concerned.

She was having her a bout of morning sickness, barely making it into the bathroom. He held her hair back. "That doesn't look fun. Can I get you water or something?"

She shook her head, falling back against the wall once she was done, "Just stay for a minute, please." She whispered.

"Of course." He nodded. "And... perhaps a night in."

She nodded, pressing her forehead against his jaw, "Sorry."

"It's really no problem." He smiled. "It was already a wonderful day."

She smiled weakly, "Yes, and I suppose the morning sickness is worth it in the end."

"Well worth it." He chuckled.

She closed her eyes, relaxing against him, "It may be a bit better if we go lie down in the living room."

"Sounds lovely." He murmured, wrapping his arm around her. She slowly stood up, pulling him to come with her.

They made their way down the hall, him letting her lean on him as needed She was able to walk without his help, curling up on the couch in the living room.

He sat next to her. "Foot rub?"

"You don't have to." She whispered.

"You've been dancing all day, you can't tell me your feet aren't in need of a rub."

"Alright, a foot rub would be very nice right now." He pulled her feet into his lap and began to massage them. She hummed, smiling. "That feels lovely."

"I'm glad."

She slowly began to grow tired as he rubbed her feet. He hummed to her, aiding her path to sleep. Within a few minutes, she was out cold, nestled into the couch. The Doctor decided not to move her since he looked so comfortable. He instead went and got her a blanket and cuddled up with her on the couch.

The next hour was very peaceful. They weren't terribly disturbed until River began to have a nightmare. The Doctor woke her as soon as he realized she was having one, but he knew she'd already seen enough to shake her. "River. River!" He shook her shoulders.

Her eyes flew open, panicked.

"You were dreaming. It's okay you were dreaming." She stared at him, trembling, unable to find words. "It was just a dream." He pulled her into his arms. "You're alright."

She held onto him tightly, obviously shaken. He kept murmuring to her, hoping to offer comfort. She sniffled burying her face in his chest.

It was another many minutes before he asked, "Are you alright?" She nodded slowly, though she still didn't want to let go. "I'm here to talk if you need." He murmured.

"I know, but..." She sighed, "I don't want to worry you."

"You know I'll worry anyway." He pointed out.

"I know, but I don't want to put ideas in your head." She whispered.

"Well... it's up to you if you need to share, but I'm here for you."

She was quiet for a few minutes, "I lost her." She whispered, "In my dream, I lost the baby. It was a girl and I could have stopped it but… I didn't."

He held her tighter. "I'm sorry. That sounds terrible."

"It felt so real and I...I didn't know what to do." She whispered.

"Our baby is okay, River. I promise you."

"I know." She murmured.

He kissed her temple. "Maybe we should go to the bedroom." They were still in their fancy clothes.

She nodded, "Okay."

They stood and went down the halls. They walked slowly, changing once they got to their room.

Settling in bed, he pulled her close again. "I love you."

"I love you too." She whispered, nuzzling against him.

In the morning they did a small outing for breakfast, but then decided is was time to return home to the kids. It had only been a day for them and they were waiting with Jack at the hub.


	71. Deja Vu

**Ch 71**

The next few weeks were quiet for the Song family. River and the Doctor decided that they'd keep River's pregnancy a secret until Arthur's birthday, which was quickly approaching. It landed on the weekend before the girls got out of school and the little tot couldn't be more excited for the event. The week leading up, it was all he talked about, even to Toby.

On the morning of his birthday, the family was sleeping in.

River slept cozied up to her husband, her now small, but visible bump resting between them. Arthur had gotten himself out of bed the moment he woke and marched into his parents' room. He clambered up on their bed with the help of the dog began trying to wedge himself between his parents.

River stirred, looking down at the toddler trying to wriggle into the bed, "Good morning, my love." She laughed softly, "Happy birthday. "

"Birfday!" He cheered, managing to settle himself by nearly sitting on his father's face.

"Careful, my sweet." She murmured, "Daddy's sleeping."

"No anymore." The Doctor said groggily.

"Papa!" Arthur cheered, bouncing on the bed.

"Hey there, little man." He yawned and sat up. "What are you doing up?"

"Birfday."

"Oh, that's right." He grinned, pulling the boy into his lap. "Now how old are you turning... 648, right?"

The boy giggled, "No!" He held up three fingers, "Two!"

"What a big boy you are!" The Doctor laughed and pushed one of the boy's fingers down so he was holding up the proper number. River smiled softly, sitting up in the bed as well.

"Mia said cake," Arthur informed them.

"Oh, did she?" River asked, "Does that mean you want cake?"

"Yes!" He nodded eagerly.

She laughed, "We will tonight."

"Cake now." He pouted.

"Not now." She shook her head, "But Mummy and Daddy have a surprise for you."

He was easily distracted, getting excited again. "What?"

River looked up at the Doctor, "Ready to tell him?"

"You know he'll tell his sisters immediately?" The Doctor reminded.

"I know, but I want them all to know before we tell everyone else at the party later."

He looked at Arthur who was wiggling impatiently for the surprise. "Go ahead."

"Arthur, my love, you're going to get to be a big brother."

Arthur stared, wide-eyed. "Big brother?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'm going to have another baby."

He scooted closer to her and pointed at her belly. "Baby?" His sisters had told him as much as they knew about babies, which at the very least was where they grew.

She nodded, smoothing back her shirt so he could see the little bump. He pressed his palms flat against her skin and frowned. "I don't feel it."

"That's because it's still too small to move." She murmured.

"How will it move?" He asked.

"Well, it will get bigger and stronger." She explained, "And then it will move."

"Come out?"

"The baby will come out once they're big enough in a few months."

"Big brother." He repeated, then beamed and waved at her stomach. "Hi!" River gave her son a small smile. He looked up at River and without warning scrambled off the bed. "Mia! Freya!"

"No! Arthur!" River called, running to catch him.

He giggled, trying to make it to his sisters' room before her.

She managed to catch up to him, blocking his path, "Arthur..."

"I wanna tell them!" He insisted.

"No. _I_ have to tell them." River shook her head, "But you can help if you want."

"Why can't I?" He questioned, reaching up to be held.

She scooped him up, "Because it's Mummy's news."

"I help." He insisted.

She nodded, "Yes, you can help."

He grinned. She gently pushed open the door to the girls' room. "Mia! Freya!" Arthur called in an attempt to wake them.

The girls grumbled, burying their faces into their pillows.

"Mia! Mumma has a surprise!"

'Surprise' seemed to perk the two up, "What kind of surprise?"

He put his hand over his mouth in order not to say the news before River could. River laughed, "Well, in a few months we're going to be getting an addition to our family."

"I'm a big brother!" Arthur burst out.

The seven-year-olds stared, uneasy.

"We're going to have another baby in our family in a few months, but I want you to know that everything is perfectly safe. All the tests the TARDIS has to offer have been run and nothing terrible will happen."

"But you said it was fine last time and then it wasn't." Freya fretted. "Something always happens."

"Girls, I can assure you that the last time was an extremely rare thing that won't happen again." She tried to assure.

"Are you sure? Will you tell us if anything happens?"

Arthur didn't understand why his sisters weren't as excited as he was.

"Of course." River nodded, going to hug them both, "You have nothing to worry about." They would worry anyways, but for now, they perked up and hugged their mother, informing her that they hoped for another brother.

River smiled, hoping that her daughters truly were happy.

The Doctor made muffins that morning upon Arthur's request, most of them chocolate chip. The family spent the day playing together, getting ready for Arthur's birthday party later that night.

Among their adult guests, there were a number of school friend additions to the party due to the girls. Even some of their alien friends came, though they were all explained to why they had to wear strong perception filters and translators.

River decided to tell Vastra her news first, pulling the Silurian aside in the middle of the party. Vastra was joyous for her friend and gave River a large hug.

River laughed, "We wanted you to be the first to know."

"I'm honored. It's really just wonderful for all of you. I'm surprised you haven't asked for the tea yet."

She nodded, "My morning sickness actually hasn't been too bad."

"Well, that is fortunate. I'm sure the children are delighted."

"Yes, they were a bit worried at first, but they're happy now."

"I'm glad. How far along are you?"

"Four months." She beamed. "We told the kids this morning."

"Are you happy about this, River?"

River nodded, her smile growing, "Very happy."

Vastra smiled back and gave a few more congratulations before suggesting they got back to the party. River nodded, going back to the party with her.

Arthur marched over to River when he saw her, insisting on being held. River was happy to hold her son, carrying him around as she talked to their friends.

Eventually, he started to ask for cake. A rather large cake had been made to feed all their guests.

Once it was brought out, the whole party sang to a delighted Arthur. The boy blew out his candles with exaggerated puffing before a swarm of the rest of children joined him in voicing their want for the biggest slice of cake.

River helped to dish out the cake, making sure each person got a piece. Arthur managed to get frosting all over his face and Toby was pleased to help clean off a few plates.

River and the Doctor had been planning on announcing their news at the party, though through all the festivities they had forgotten and guests were already starting to head home. Jack and Ianto did, however, manage to find out through the girls and confronted River about it some time after gifts were opened.

River was in the kitchen, back to him when he marched in. "Hello, Jack." River smiled, "Thank you for coming."

"I'm glad to be invited. When's the shower?" He asked.

"Shower?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Baby shower." He put a knowing arm around her shoulder. "For my newest little nephew, Jack Jr."

She laughed softly, "Oh, Jack Jr is it?"

"Or Jacqueline for a niece. So which is it?"

"We don't know yet." River smiled, "It's a surprise for now."

"And you still haven't said when the shower is."

"Well, I wasn't planning on having one, but if you want to throw one for me, be my guest."

He grinned. "Oh, I will. And congratulations River." He hugged her. "You're that much closer to your own football team."

She laughed weakly, hugging him back, "Don't remind me."

"Are you kidding? You'll never hear the end of it." He laughed.

"I'm sure I won't."

He moved to lean against the counter. "You aren't mad about the water guns, are you?"

"Well, I suppose you could do much worse, though I would have preferred something else."

"You're just ticked because you know you'll get soaked come summer."

"Don't you worry, I'll make sure you get soaked too." She smiled.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" He teased.

"A little bit of both." She laughed.

"Well, I look forwards to it. And let me know when you get a name picked out, alright?"

"Of course I will." She smiled, giving him another hug.

"We'll be heading out then. Take care of yourself."

"I will, we'll see you soon." She waved as they left.

Clara and Danny also found out the news from the girls, though they respectfully didn't mention anything when they departed the party. River said goodbye to all of their friends, not yet telling them about the new baby.

Soon enough the house was quiet and the Doctor and River were picking up wrapping paper from the floor. The girls and Arthur went up to change into their pajamas as their parents cleaned up. The cats and Toby batted around at the ribbons left lying around.

"That was lovely." The Doctor murmured.

"Yes, Arthur had lots of fun."

"Shame we didn't get to make our announcement, though."

"Well, it was Arthur's day, we can announce it at a different time." River reasoned, "Though I have a feeling the girls may have told a few people."

He chuckled. "I'm somehow not too surprised. Who'd they tell?"

"Well, I know they told Jack and Ianto, but I don't know if they told anyone else."

"Oh dear, Jack didn't insist that you name the baby after him, did he?"

"Well, he did call the baby Jack Jr." She laughed.

"Cheeky bloke." He groaned in annoyance. "I swear he says that every time. He ought to just have his own."

"I can't see Jack with his own baby." She smiled, walking over to him and pulling him close, "And the name Jack _isn't_ a terrible suggestion."

"Not Jack." He murmured, placing his arms around her waist.

"Why not? It's starting to grow on me." She teased, nuzzling his collar.

"You know exactly why. Having 'uncle' as an honorific has already given that man an unnecessary ego boost. He really doesn't need any more."

"Well, what names do you have in mind then?"

"For a boy... um, Oliver?"

She hummed, "That's a nice one."

"Your turn." He said, moving them towards the couch.

"Aiden." She suggested.

"I like that." He agreed. "I'm pretty attached to Terra for a girl, after my mum."

Her smile faltered, "That was going to be my suggestion."

"...We've mentioned that before, haven't we?" She nodded. "You look... are you alright?"

"I don't know." She whispered.

"Riv?" He put an arm over her shoulder, very confused as to what he said wrong.

She leaned against him, "I'm sorry," She whispered, "I don't know what's wrong, it feels like I'm… missing something."

He wasn't sure what she meant but did his best to comfort her anyways. "We don't have to use Terra as a name if it makes you feel like that."

"No, I want to." She shook her head, "I love the name, it's probably just baby hormones."

He nodded his understanding and kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Arthur plodded down the stairs in his pajamas, Lulu under his arm. "Mummah?"

"Yes, my love?" River looked up, trying to smile.

"Bedtime stowy?" He asked.

"Of course." She got up, "Did you have a nice birthday?"

"Yes!" He nodded.

"Good, I'm glad."

"Again tomorrow?"

"I'm afraid not, my sweet."

"Why?" He pouted.

"Because birthdays only come once a year, that's what makes them special."

"Oh." He looked up at her. "Baby have a birthday?"

"Well, your birthday celebrates the day you were born, so since the baby hasn't been born yet, it won't have a birthday until then." She explained.

"When will it come out?"

"In a few months."

"How many is that?" He frowned.

"About four."

"That's forever!" He protested.

"I promise it's not forever." She laughed softly, kissing his forehead.

He reached his arms over his head. "Up?" She scooped him up, hugging him close. "Big brother." He hummed.

She smiled, "You're going to be a wonderful big brother." He leaned against her, content as a two-year-old could be.

River carried him up the stairs, humming softly. The Doctor followed, giving the boy a kiss and going to check on the girls. River put Arthur down to bed, reading a story and kissing him goodnight.

The Doctor met her in the hall. "I put the girls to bed."

"Arthur's asleep too." She murmured.

"All in a day's work." He chuckled. "What now?"

She shrugged, taking his hands, "What would you like to do, Mister Song?"

"We could resume our conversation." He suggested.

She nodded, "Where did we leave off again?"

"Baby names?"

"Right." She breathed, "Well since we both like Terra, is that our final decision?"

"If we have a girl, yes." He nodded.

"And what about a middle name, if it's a girl?"

"Well... I know what I said about Jack," He paused. "But what about Vastra? Today had me thinking a lot about all we went through when we had Arthur and what she did for us seems irreparable."

She stared at him, "...That's what I was going to suggest."

He blinked. "Am I the only one who thinks that's a bit odd? I mean it makes sense for us to think of the same first name, but middle name too..."

"It's strange, I agree." She murmured.

"Coincidences happen I suppose." He said, unable to think of any causation aside coincidence.

She nodded slowly, "Yes, I guess so."

"Great minds think alike." He offered a smile.

She smiled back, "I guess it's decided then. Terra Vastra Song for a girl, now we just need a name for a boy."

They went to their bedroom and discussed names some more, trailing into other baby related topics like nurseries. They talked long into the night, River eventually starting to fall asleep with her and the Doctor's hands resting on her small bump.


	72. And Silence is All You Know

**Ch 72**

It was only a matter of weeks before the news of the new baby got out to their friends. Some friends were called up and told over the phone and others overheard the girls' excited chatter.

When the school year was over, it was common knowledge.

As summer returned, River's middle grew, and the Doctor was insistent on doing monthly ultrasounds (at the least). 'To be safe', he claimed, which wasn't a lie since so many complications had arisen in the past, but he also just loved seeing the baby. River didn't mind the checking since she loved seeing their baby as well. Arthur insisted on keeping an ultrasound picture of the baby up on his well next to his bed.

The family kept busy preparing for the new arrival, going through old toys and books and buying blankets. The most recent debate was whether or not to find out the sex.

While the Doctor wanted to find out, the others were reluctant about it and didn't want him to find out before the rest of them got to. The Doctor's main argument was that he wanted to know what name they would be using. River countered that they would find out when the baby was born.

Arthur eventually took the Doctor's side in wanting to know and tried to convince his mother every time she had an ultrasound. When the baby started kicking, he upped his pestering to every time it kicked in his presence.

"Doctor, I'm fairly certain you put him up to this." River came into the bedroom frowning, holding out a picture that Arthur had drawn for her husband to see. It was a self-portrait of Arthur with a sad face. He had enlisted his sisters to help write 'Arthur happy if you find baby"

The Doctor looked at the picture and tried not to laugh. "Now, Riv, he did that all on his own."

"Something makes me doubt that this came completely unprovoked." She murmured.

"Well sure, maybe I sparked the idea..."

She put her hands on her hips, "Maybe?"

He dodged her stare. "I thought it would be funny."

"Well, I don't find it very funny." She frowned.

"Oh, um, sorry." He looked down.

She sighed, sitting down on the bed. He leaned against the dresser. "Have they spoken telepathically, yet?"

"No, not yet." She whispered.

"Is something the matter?" He asked, thinking she looked rather stressed.

She closed her eyes, "I want to keep the baby's sex a surprise, but everyone else wants to know so badly..."

"The girls seem pretty indifferent to it." He pointed out.

"Yes, but you and Arthur are extremely insistent."

"Arthur's never done this before and I'll own up to the fact that my excitement has gotten him on the same track, too." He moved to slowly sit next to her. "But... I can wait. If it really does mean that much to you, I suppose three months is bearable."

"I feel like I'm disappointing you." She whispered.

"I'm not asking to be impressed. Really, River, it ought to be your discussion. Besides, the girls and Arthur weren't a surprise, it'll be exciting."

"Are you sure?" She asked quietly.

"Positive. If it's something you want, then I can want it, too."

"I don't want to make you want something just because I want it."

He shook his head. "You're not making me do anything. It's all about compromise."

She nodded slowly, "Thank you."

He offered a smile and kissed her cheek. "Now we just have to convince Arthur."

"Yes, I have a feeling that'll be a bit more difficult."

"I can take the first crack at it if you want."

She nodded, "Go for it."

He gave her another kiss and went to find where Arthur had gone off to. The tot was digging through his toy chest with the dog in his room.

The Doctor gave a little knock on the door frame to make himself known. Arthur looked up, smiling, "Play with me!"

"Sure." He nodded, moving into the room. "But I'd also like to talk to you."

"Okay." He went back into the toy box.

"Mummy didn't like the drawing very much."

He stopped what he was doing, pouting, "Why not?"

"Well... because she doesn't want to know if the baby is a boy or a girl until it's born. It'll be a surprise."

"But I want to know."

"It really will mean a lot to her if you wait with the rest of us. Surprises can be fun!"

"I can't wait! It's going to be forever!"

"Only three months." The Doctor assured. "They'll go by very quickly, I promise."

"But I don't want to!" He flopped onto his back. It was very close to his grandmother's sense of drama which the Doctor tried not to comment on.

"Do you peek at your presents before it's time to open them?"

He pouted grumpily at the Doctor, "No."

"See? You've done it before, it's the same thing. Imagine how exciting it will be to wait."

"But I don't wanna wait this time. I want to know now!" He wasn't giving in easily.

"Now Arthur, yelling isn't going to get you your way. Mummy really wants a surprise, so we're going to wait."

"Why do we always do what Mummy wants." He frowned.

"What do you mean, dearie?"

"Why do we hafta do what Mummy wants to do instead of what me and you want to do," Arthur asked.

"We do things you want to do all the time." He pointed out. "And I'm agreeing with Mummy on this one: it should be a surprise."

"But I thought you were on my side." Arthur whimpered.

He pulled the boy into his lap in an attempt at comfort. "There aren't any sides in this, lovie. Why do you want to know so much?"

"Because I want to know." He frowned.

The Doctor sighed. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel differently?"

He thought about that for a few minutes, "New toys?"

"Well... sure. Why don't we take a trip to the toy store later, hmm?"

Arthur nodded, a small smile returning.

"But I do want you to say sorry to Mummy about the drawing, alright?"

He nodded, wiggling off his father's lap to find River. He hurried to his parent's room with his father close behind. River was cleaning up the room when they came in. "Mummah!" He ran over and attached himself to her legs.

"Hello, my love." River smiled, lifting him.

"Daddy said I gotta say sorry."

"Sorry for what, darling?"

"My picture. He said it made you not happy."

"Yes, that's true."

"Sorry." He said.

"It's quite alright, my sweet."

"Daddy said we could go to the toy stowe."

"Oh, really?" She looked up at the Doctor.

"Uh, yes. I did." The Doctor nodded.

"Why are we going to do that?"

"Arthur needs a little something to help him wait three months." He murmured.

"Ah...I see..."

"Can Baby have a toy?" Arthur asked.

"I suppose if we see one we can get it for the baby."

"Yay!" He smiled. She nuzzled the top of his head.

The Doctor grinned at the pair. "Why don't I get the girls and we can all take a trip to the store?"

Arthur nodded enthusiastically, "Yes! Go now!"

"Mummy will help you get ready while I help your sisters."

River went to get Arthur ready, meeting the rest of their family in the console room.

They went to one of their favorite toy stores on Plype where the toys were all something one might find out Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. Arthur and the girls spent quite a while raking through the aisles before picking out their toys.

The Doctor found an adorable blob monster plushie he insisted they get for the baby. River agreed and it also gained Arthur's approval.

Upon their return to the TARDIS, Toby was waiting. "Hello, Toby." River smiled, patting the dog's head. He spotted the plushie in her hand, immediately thinking it was for him and getting excited.

"No, this is for the baby."

He whined.

"We'll get something for you next time." She promised.

He barked an excited affirmative, circling around her feet once before bouncing over to greet the others with appropriate licks. The girls giggled, hugging the dog tightly.

Arthur went up to River and pulled on her skirt. "I help give Baby's toy?"

"When the baby comes out you certainly can." She nodded.

"Why not now?"

"Because the baby can't play with it just yet."

"I wanna put it in the baby room." He insisted.

"Okay, we can do that." She nodded.

He grinned and took her hand, pulling her along. They went to the nursery, which was only half finished. He took the toy and tried to put it into the cot, but couldn't reach over the side. River lifted him up so he could put the toy in. He placed it neatly on the blanket in there already. "Here, Baby."

River smiled softly, "What a good big brother."

"Can Baby come out now?" He asked.

"No." She laughed softly, "The baby will come in a few months."

He sighed, "How will Baby know about the toy, then?"

"We can tell them about it." She offered.

He brightened. "Yeah!"

She brought him to the rocking chair, sitting him on her lap. He put his little palm on her stomach, earning the brush of a foot. "What would you like to tell the baby?"

"We got you a toy!" He said to her belly.

River smiled softly. "What else?"

"Um, I want you to come out and play and meet everybody so hurry up growing."

"Want to give a kiss too?"

He nodded and did the action.

River smiled at him, "Good boy."

He started describing the house to his unborn born sibling, though the baby only seemed to respond when he used physical contact.

River frowned slightly, realizing this pattern quickly. "Doctor..." She called.

Arthur looked up. "Why are you calling Daddy?"

"Because I want to tell him something." She gave him a small smile. He pressed his ear up to her belly in an attempt to hear what he could.

The Doctor came in a minute later.

"Hey." She murmured, reaching for his hand.

He smiled. "You two look cozy."

She gave him a half smile, "We need to talk."

He nodded. "Arthur, why don't you go play with your sisters?"

"But I wanna play with my baby." He pouted, hugging River's middle tighter. The Doctor looked at his wife wondering if what she had to say required the aversion of their son's ears.

"Arthur, I think that the baby's going to take a nap now so why don't you go play with Amelia and Freya and you can come back and play more with the baby later." She suggested.

He hesitated. "...Okay." He slid off her lap and left.

River waited until he left before pulling her husband closer, "Talk to the baby." She wanted to make sure it just her imagination before alarming him that something might be wrong.

He nodded, though was a bit confused. "Hi there, Baby. Your brother is very excited about meeting you."

She waited for any kind of response, hoping she was wrong. The baby didn't show any acknowledgment until the Doctor brushed a finger against her skin. River watched her husband, waiting to see if he noticed.

He murmured to their child for another minute before looking up at River. "Why did Arthur have to leave for that?"

"Did you not notice?" She whispered.

"That... They like following my hand?"

"No, that they only react when they can feel you..."

He frowned. "That can't be right."

"Talk to them again."

He did so, speaking without touching. River frowned at the lack of movement.

"Nothing?"

She shook her head.

"Well, it could just be a coincidence..." he said, "But you wouldn't be so concerned if you thought it was."

"Do you really think it's just a coincidence?" She frowned.

"I wouldn't discount the possibility, but I wouldn't bet on it." He looked at her, "What do you think it is?"

She shook her head, "I don't know."

"We could find out." He offered softly. She nodded slowly.

He offered a hand up. She took his hand, slowly standing, one hand on her side. They went to the med bay were the proper tests would be, the Doctor doing his best to give her assuring looks. She tried to smile back, biting her lip. He set up some devices which required scanners and things to be connected to her middle. She watched him place each bit on, biting her tongue.

The machines started running and the Doctor took her hand. "I'm sure it'll be okay."

"I hope so." She whispered.

The scanners beeped after a few moments and he looked to see what it said. River took a deep breath, "What is it?"

He turned the screen towards her. River's eyes scanned the information her hearts stopping.

"Not a coincidence." He whispered.

Her eyes were frozen on the screen, voice caught in her throat.

"Please... say something." He stared at her.

"...What did I do wrong?" She finally whispered.

"River, it couldn't have been caused by anything you did."

She squeezed her eyes shut, burying her hand in her hands, "You don't know that."

"Well... no, but neither do you. You've been doing everything right."

"But maybe there was something I could have done better. How could we have not known until now?"

"She only started kicking a few weeks ago and human parents usually don't know until the child is born... lots of reasons, Riv." He sighed. "But the likelihood is that it's something caused by genetics."

She nodded slowly, gently pulling him onto the cot with her. He lay beside her, taking her hand. "This is certainly a lot to take in."

"I..." She moved closer, "I don't know how we're going to communicate with if it can't hear."

"...I know how to sign." He murmured.

"You do?"

He nodded. "I speak everything. I guess it's technically not speaking, but I do know all the different Earth sign languages. I can teach you and the kids."

"That would help a great deal."

He offered a smile. "I'm sure you'll all pick it up fast."


	73. Big Brother

**Ch 73**

As it was, the children were able to learn sign language much faster than River, who oddly struggled with it. Whenever anyone tried to teach her, she was easily frustrated and mixed everything up. It was most likely the pressure of having to learn so quickly that was getting to her since she was usually good that things like this.

The girls were determined to help her learn a few new words every day, while the Doctor's help consisted of softer encouragements. He practiced with her in three designated sessions a week which Arthur liked to sit in on.

After several weeks of trying to learn, River was beyond frustrated. Had Arthur not been sitting in, several, less age-appropriate words would have been exchanged.

Halfway through their most recent session, she got up and left, going to their bedroom to cool off. While her husband knew to give her a little space, her son was not so knowledgeable and went after her to see if she was okay. She didn't want to talk to anyone, curled up on her bed.

"Mummy?" He pushed the bedroom door open.

She looked up, sighing, "Hello, my love."

He hurried up to the bed, though struggled to climb up. She reached down to help him up onto the bed. He settled next to her. "Why'd you leave?"

"Because sometimes Mummy needs some time alone." She whispered.

"Are you sad?"

"Don't worry about that, darling." She shook her head.

"Is the baby ever gonna learn to talk?"

"I don't know, I hope so." She whispered.

"I wanna know what it's voice sounds like." He said.

"Well, you won't know until after it's born."

"Can babies talk when they're born?"

"Well, they cry and that's their way of talking."

He giggled. "Crying isn't talking."

She smiled, kissing his forehead, "Well that's how you talked when you were first born."

"And Mia and Freya?"

"Yes, and Mia and Freya."

"What are babies like?" He asked.

"Well, you know they're very small and they don't know much so we have to teach them everything. That's why it's so important that we all learn sign language before the baby comes, so that way, once they're here, we can teach them."

"It doesn't already know?"

"No, we have to teach them."

"Oh." He shifted and leaned his head against her middle. The baby settled next to him. "I can feel Baby." He murmured.

River smiled softly, "Can you?"

He nodded. "Does it like me?"

"I think it loves you very much." She murmured, "Would you like another picture of Baby for your wall?"

"Can I?" He asked excitedly.

She nodded, "Let's go find your father and we can get another one."

He nodded, hurrying off the bed. River got up a bit less quickly, walking slowly behind him.

Arthur ran ahead to the Doctor who scooped up his son and walked back to River. "What's this I hear about a picture of Baby?"

"I told Arthur we could get another picture for him if he'd like." She murmured.

"It looks like he certainly would like it. Come on."

They went to the TARDIS med bay and set up an ultrasound. "How long until my baby brother gets here?" Arthur asked.

"About 8 weeks, but we don't' know if it's a boy." The Doctor reminded.

"I think it's a boy because I already have sisters so I hafta have a brother." He chuckled.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that, little man."

"Awwww." He pouted. The Doctor ruffled the boy's hair as an image of the baby showed on the ultrasound. "My baby!" Arthur cheered, pointing to the screen.

"Yes, there's your little sibling." He smiled.

"What's its name gonna be?" Arthur asked.

"Well, if it's a girl her name will be Terra." River smiled weakly.

"I like that." He said. "Can I name it if it's a boy?"

River laughed softly, "What did you have in mind?"

"Jack!"

River looked up at her husband. He laughed. "We're not naming the baby after your uncle."

"But I want to!" He pouted.

"We'll, uh, we'll think about it."

"Really?" Arthur and River said at the same time.

"Uh, well..." The Doctor looked at River, trying to indicate that he was only saying that to please the two-year-old.

Arthur was quickly losing interest in the conversation, "Can you make it move?"

"The baby?"

"Yes."

"Well, maybe. They might respond to external movement." The Doctor suggested.

Arthur tapped on River's stomach, "Move."

The baby pushed back against him which could also be seen on the monitor. He giggled, then hugged River's stomach.

"Let's get a picture, shall we?" The Doctor said, printing an image of the sonogram. Arthur made grabby hands for the image, hugging it close. "Careful, lovie. Pictures are delicate, remember?"

He nodded, "Sorry."

"Why don't you go hang it up in your room?"

Arthur nodded, running to his room.

"Arthur's really quite excited." The Doctor observed, helping River from the exam table.

She smiled, "I think he's looking forward to having someone closer to his age to play with."

"Should we break it to him that babies can't really play until they're older?"

"Oh, no. I don't want to crush his excitement."

He nodded in agreement. "Are you feeling better?"

"A bit." She whispered, hugging her middle.

"Well, we can end the session for today if it's getting to you." He offered.

"I think that might be best." She nodded.

"How about dinner then?"

"I'm not very hungry." She whispered, "I think I'm going to go… sit for a while. I'll be in the library."

"Alright. Just shout if you need anything."

She nodded, quietly leaving the room.

While Mr Thomas went to follow River, the Doctor went to Arthur's room to see if he wanted dinner yet. Arthur was struggling to hang the picture up on the wall, frowning.

"Need help, little man?"

He nodded, "It won't stick."

"Did you use any tape?" He asked. Arthur shook his head. "Well, there's your problem." The Doctor went and pulled out a roll of tape from one of his drawers.

"Can you put it next to my other one?"

He nodded and taped up the newest picture. Arthur sat on his bed, looking up at the two pictures.

"What do you want for dinner, Arthur?"

"Cookies."

"Hmm, I'd like you to have something a bit healthier..."

"A cookie sandwich?" He knew that sandwiches, for the most part, were healthy.

"No, dearie. But if you eat a healthy dinner then you can have one cookie after."

He sighed, "What are you having?"

"I haven't decided. Maybe fish."

Arthur made a face, sticking his tongue out, "Yuck!"

"Okay, not fish then. Why don't we go see what we have, hmm?"

He nodded, "Where's Mumma?"

"In the library." He murmured, scooping his son up.

"What's she eating?"

"She said she didn't want dinner, but maybe we can bring her something later."

He nodded, "I want peanut butter!"

"That we can do. A PB and J sandwich?"

"With apple sauce." Arthur insisted.

"Sure." He brought the boy to the kitchen and set him on the counter.

"Can I help make it?"

"Yes. And you can help make one for Mummy."

He clapped his hands, happy to help make dinner. More peanut butter and jelly ended up on him and the floor than on the bread, along with a big clump of jelly falling on Toby's nose, but Arthur gave it his best effort.

While he sat and happily ate his sticky creation, the Doctor and Toby tried to clean up the mess. Arthur let Toby lick his peanut butter covered fingers. The Doctor did his best to de-stick Arthur once he was done, using wet wipes on his hands and face. Arthur was clean relatively quickly, though he would still definitely be getting a bath later.

The Doctor gave the boy his well-earned cookie. "Why don't you go find your sisters, lovie. Tell them there's sandwiches if they want."

He nodded, popping off the chair and running to go find Amelia and Freya. Toby ran after him. The Doctor smiled to himself and put the other sandwiches on the table.

He took one of them and headed to the library to see if River wanted one. River was on the couch, reading, a worried crease across her forehead.

"Riv?" The Doctor called softly.

"Yeah?" She didn't look up from what she was reading.

He approached at sat across from her, her expression making him forget slightly about the plate in his hands. "What are you reading?"

She handed the book to him. It was about raising deaf children. He skimmed over the page she was on which was talking about the conflicts between choosing a hearing aid, oral teaching, and/or sign. "Well, that explains why you're frowning."

"I don't know what the right thing to do is." She whispered, running her hand along her belly.

He put down the plate near her. "The answer will be different depending on who you ask. I think signing is essential, but we could do more than that if you want to. We could also just ask her when she's old enough to say what she wants."

"How do you know so much about this?" She took his hand, squeezing it.

He shrugged. "I've lived a long time, love, I've met a lot of people. I've met Deaf people who can't talk to each other because none of them can sign, and I've met Deaf people who can't communicate with their hearing families."

"You don't think… that'll happen with our baby, do you?"

He shook his head. "We may all be hearing, but that's why we're all learning sign."

"I don't want it to feel left out of our family."

"They won't. I promise they'll know they're loved."

She sighed, massaging her temples, "I'm sure you're right, I just...worry."

"I know." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Mothers usually do."

She smiled weakly at him, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He kissed her cheek. "And your son helped make you some dinner."

"Oh, did he really?"

"He'll need a bath later, but you know." He gestured to the sandwich. "It's the thought that counts."

She laughed softly, "Yes, I suppose so. Did you get to eat?"

He nodded. "I had one with Arthur."

"What about the girls?"

"Arthur's letting them know there's food."

She nodded, "It sounds like you have everything under control."

He nodded. "I wanted to see if you were doing alright."

"I'll be alright." She gave his hand another squeeze.

"Good." He smiled. She pulled him in for a kiss. He hummed, an eager participant.

At the hum she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. He was breathless when they broke off. She smiled, "Haven't done that in a while."

"We could, uh, do more of that." He suggested.

She raised an eyebrow, "Here? Now?"

"Well... the TARDIS wouldn't let the kids find us."

"I'd like that."

He smiled and leaned to kiss her again.

Though it was one of their shorter rounds of intimacy, it was passionate and left them both satisfied and unspotted by young eyes.

"That was nice." River murmured, nuzzling his collar.

The Doctor nodded, arm around her.

"Are you okay?" She asked, brow furrowing.

"Yeah." He nodded again. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Firstly about how beautiful you are." He grinned, rolling over on his side to face her and kiss her nose.

She laughed, "And?"

He propped his head up on his hand, using the other to trace patterns on her arm. "Home."

"Home?" She murmured.

"Gallifrey..."

"Oh...what about Gallifrey?"

"Well," He sighed, "I've always wanted you guys to see it, now more than ever. I told you what Clara and I did, yeah?"

She nodded slowly, his statement making her a bit nervous. She knew that his home planet was important to him, but she also knew how the Time Lords could be, and was afraid that their children -since they were only half Time Lord- would be looked down upon if they ever were to go to Gallifrey.

"I always wondered if it really worked, what we did. And when Missy came back... well... I started looking." He admitted.

"Oh?" She shifted.

"Not that often," he added, "and I haven't found anything, I just wanted to tell you. In case I do."

"Oh..." She repeated, placing a subconscious protective hand on her middle.

He watched her. "You... don't think it's a good idea, do you."

She hesitated, "I don't know..."

"Talk to me." He murmured.

"I understand how important it is to you to be able to share your home planet with our children, but..." She sighed, "I'm afraid that if we ever were to take them there, they'd be seen as..." She trailed off again, "You know how proud the Time Lord race is. They won't appreciate...interspecies children."

He nodded. "I don't think I'd take you all anywhere near the capital. My kind is less traditional in the drylands."

She nodded slowly, still unsure.

"Well, it's really only a thought." He murmured. "I may never find it. And we have lots else to think about."

"I'm sorry..." She whispered.

"It's alright, River." He murmured.

"I didn't mean to burst your bubble."

"I'm a big boy, Riv. I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't prepared for it to be burst. All of your concerns are concerns I've had, too, so I know where you're coming from."

"Okay. If you do find it...we can talk about this more."

He nodded. "Thank you."

She fell silent for a bit, tracing the baby's restless movements with her fingers. "Doctor?"

"Hmm?" He responded.

"Do you think the baby will be deaf in every regeneration?"

"I don't know." He murmured. "It's impossible to know." She nodded slowly.

Just then, the TARDIS made a groan to indicate that the kids were looking for them. "We should get dressed." River murmured, going to get her clothes back on. He nodded and did the same.

Soon they were dressed and presentable for their children. Promptly, the three children burst excitedly into the library.

"Hello, my loves." River smiled, slipping on her shoes.

Their faces all had jam on them and what looked like cookie crumbs. "Hi, Mummy!" They chorused.

"You three are a mess!" River laughed.

They giggled. "We want a bath party!"

"A bath party?" She ruffled Arthur's hair, "That doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"With duckies!" Arthur chirped.

"Well, I'd be more than happy to get the duckies."

He took her hand while Amelia captured the other. Freya lead the abduction of their mother towards the bathroom.

Once they had taken their bath, the girls and Arthur got settled into their pajamas. The Doctor read the girls a book while River took care of Arthur. It took a while to get Arthur to go down since he wanted to practice the new signs he had learned that day.

"Mummy is this right?" He asked, trying to sign 'baby brother'.

She nodded, "Yes, very good. Now, it's time for bed." It must have been the fifth time she had told him that.

"I don't wanna go to bed!" He insisted.

"Well, you have to."

"Why?" He pouted.

"Because you have to rest, it's very late."

"Can I say goodnight to my baby brother?"

She nodded, "Of course, darling."

He wiggled himself close to her middle, poking her bump so the baby would know he was there. The baby lazily nudged back. Arthur made a delighted sound. "Daddy said the babies can talk to their mummies in the belly. Does my baby talk?"

"Not really because the baby doesn't know many words."

"Then how do you know what he's thinking?"

"Well, I don't really know."

He looked disappointed. "Can you try?"

"Not tonight, love. But if you go to sleep now, I promise we can try in the morning."

He quickly pulled his blankets over himself at the promise. "I'm sleeping!"

She laughed softly, "Goodnight."

"Kiss?" He peeked out

She leaned down and gave him a kiss on the head. The baby nudged again as Arthur settled into sleep.


	74. Here We Go Again

**Ch 74**

The weeks flew by with the Song family practicing sign language and learning as much as possible before the baby arrived.

On the night of a school museum sleepover trip, Arthur had gotten picked up by Vastra so the Doctor and River could have (presumably) one last weekend alone before the imminent arrival of their fourth baby.

A weekend alone, however, didn't actually mean many outings. The parents were quite tired from taking care of the kids and the Doctor kept wanting to get ready for their new addition. He told his wife he felt the need to nest. So as it was, the first day of the weekend consisted of the Timelord cleaning the house, rearranging the nursery, and giving his wife foot rubs.

River had taken the task of cleaning the house quite seriously. In her late stage of pregnancy, her instincts were kicking into overdrive and she wanted every bit of the house spotless and perfect. With the two of them in such a state, it didn't actually take very long to get the house looking like they were expecting the Queen.

River was on her third round of reorganizing the nursery late on Saturday, unable to sleep. She was feeling restless and uncomfortable and in all honesty her back was killing her. Fussing with the nursery seemed to be the only suitable distraction.

Most of the cats had joined her, except Samantha who was keeping River's spot on the bed warm. They seemed to be quite amused by the strange going-abouts of the Timelady.

While River normally wouldn't have minded, the presences of the cats only frustrated her, making her want to vacuum the room yet again since they were getting fur all over her pristine nursery. Mr Thomas was particularly irritating as he wanted to climb on the shelves and jump in the cot.

After several unsuccessful attempts to remove the cats from the room, River huffed in frustration. She was tempted to call for the Doctor, though she didn't want to worry him. She suspected that he was already anxious since she had been carrying so low for the past few days.

Tiber jumped in the cot as well. Both the cats settled there and curled up, though it was really the one spot both parents wanted to keep particularly clean. River had had it after that, "Doctor!"

It was a good minute before her sleepy looking husband stumbled into the nursery with nothing on but his shirt and pants and sonic.

"They won't leave!" She crossed her arms, trying not to get so upset over such a trivial thing.

He squinted over at the cats and pulled himself over to the cot. He then unceremoniously scooped Tiber up, put him on the floor, then pointed to the door and muttered, "Out."

The cat didn't listen, running to the other side of the room to sit on the rocking chair. The Doctor sighed and tried the other cat, hoping he might be a bit more susceptible. Mr Thomas cat scooted away from his hands, nestling further away in the cot.

He straightened up and looked at River, wake enough now to ask questions. "Why are you up?"

"I couldn't sleep." She murmured.

He gave her a sympathetic look, before glancing back at the cats. "I don't know if I can get them out."

"But they're making a mess." She huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Wanting to ease his wife's frustration, he tried again and picked up Mr Thomas. The cat squirmed and whined, not happy to be removed from his spot. The Doctor shushed him and deposited him in the hall. Tiber watched from his seat.

"The whole cot has to be rewashed." River said.

"I think a one of those sticky de-linter things would do the trick."

She nodded slowly, "You go back to bed, I'll do it."

He shook his head. "I want to help."

"Are you sure? You look tired."

"So do you." He smiled softly. "But, really, it's fine. I'm happy to."

"How about we go to bed after we clean up the cot and finish the rest in the morning?"

He nodded. "Sounds good."

They cleaned out the cot, making sure it was spotless before heading to bed.

"River?" The Doctor murmured as they settled in bed.

"Hmm?"

"Let's go out for breakfast tomorrow. I think we need to get out of the house. "

"Okay." She nodded, "I don't think Vastra had had us cleaning the house in mind when she offered to take Arthur for the weekend so we could have alone time."

He chuckled, "I suppose not."

She leaned in to kiss him. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you, too."

River settled in for sleep, drifting off, though it was only two hours later when she woke again. Samantha was sitting nearly on her head, enjoying her warmth.

River had awoken due to an uncomfortable pang in her side, wincing and shifting in bed. The Doctor stirred slightly as the shift, but not as much as Samantha did, who woke completely.

River settled back down, trying to fall back asleep, only to feel another hardening pain some short while later.

Samantha stood and attempted to get to the other side of the bed walking across River's chest. River shooed the cat away, trying to silently breath through the what she hoped was only Braxton-Hicks.

The cat meowed and jumped over her, landing claws extended on the Doctor. He woke quickly. River shut her eyes, trying to even out her breathing, pretending to be asleep. She didn't want him to worry about her.

He sat up and rubbed the new scratches on him, scolding the cat. He looked at River, her illusion convincing him. He settled against her, arm finding its way around her as he tried to go back to sleep.

River spent the next few hours trying to breathe through her contractions in silence, thinking she could manage on her own and let her husband get some more sleep. Finally, after three hours, she decided to wake her husband. "Doctor..."

"Hmm?" He hummed, not truly awake.

"Doctor, the baby's coming." She whispered, shaking him a bit harder.

He shot up, eyes wide open. "What?"

She didn't answer, pausing to deal with another contraction. He was suddenly scrambling out of bed so he could get to her other side and offer a hand.

She clutched his hand, giving him a weak smile, "Awake now?"

He nodded quickly. "Has your water broke?"

She shook her head, "Not yet."

He let out a breath. "Alright. Okay. Um, how long have you been having contractions?"

"A few hours." She whispered, "I lost track on exactly how many."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I figured I could handle it for at least a few hours."

"I have no doubt in your ability to handle things, but you don't have to do it alone." He murmured. "Let's get you up. Can you walk?"

She nodded, "Of course, I haven't progressed that much." She slowly sat up getting out of bed.

He helped her stand and started to lead her from the room. "So, is there a certain way you want to do this?"

"I'd rather not be in the medbay." She whispered, hesitating in front of the TARDIS.

He stopped with her. "Why not?"

"I just… I don't want to be in there." She whispered.

"Okay." He murmured. "Do you have a thought to somewhere else you'd want to be?"

"In a real bed, not on a cot. Actually, in our room."

He nodded and they started towards their TARDIS bedroom. The walk was slow, but they soon made it.

River lay down, breathing heavily, "Can you check everything?"

"I'll start with your dilation." He said, moving to the end of the bed. She nodded, closing her eyes. He tried to be quick.

"Just over two centimeters. This is going to be a while." He reported. "How are you feeling."

"Tired." She murmured, "I could have used a few more hours of sleep."

"I'm afraid I can't do anything about that, but if the contractions are far enough apart you might be able to rest some." He rose and looked around for things to check her vitals with.

"I know." She murmured, "Can you check the baby's position?"

He nodded, finding the materials he needed and returning to her side to do as she asked. She grabbed his arm just as he touched her, feeling another contraction. He waited, holding her hand again. "Breathe."

"I _am_."

He quieted himself. Her muscles relaxed as the pain subsided. He moved to check the baby's position, prodding gently at her belly.

"Is everything okay?" She asked softly. He didn't answer, still feeling around. "Doctor?" She frowned slightly.

"Huh? Oh, um... no." He frowned. "It think.. Well, their head is at your ribs."

She swallowed, paling a bit, "Can you do anything to fix it?"

"Not sure yet. You're still in very early stages and the baby might turn on their own if you walk around and what not. If they're still breach when it's time to push I could try manually turning them, or you could try delivering breach."

"I want to walk around first and try and get the baby to move." She murmured, already starting to sit up. He offered his support in helping her up.

She accepted his help and the two slowly paced the room.

"You know, I think Baby has a good sense of timing." He said.

"Why do you think that?"

"Well, of all the days, they decide it's time to come out on the weekend we seem most prepared on. I mean, they could've chosen to come in the middle of a trip to Dundenbar for all convenience." He paused. "I think I had a dream about that..."

She froze, a pained look coming in her eyes, though it was different from when we was having contractions, "I think I did too..."

"That's odd." He watched her. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know..." She admitted.

He tucked a curl behind her ear. "I'm here if you figure it out."

"I know." She whispered.

He gave her a quick kiss. "Well my point is that I'm glad we're pretty prepared for the moment."

She nodded slowly, "Me too."

He helped her get back to pacing, trying to talk about something else to keep her distracted. She submitted to his distractions and the two paced circles around their bedroom.

This went on for some number of hours and got from the topics of gardening to Felix Yusopov. Eventually River had to sit again, at which point they decided to recheck the baby's position.

"They've turned a bit, but not enough." He sighed. She bit her lip, nodding slowly. "There's still time." He tried to assure.

"Yes, but not much." She had slowly begun to feel pressure build in the past half hour, which meant that her water was going to break soon.

He didn't want to suggest walking again since he knew she was getting tired. "Why don't you try a few different positions and see if it helps."

"Okay." She nodded, "What do you suggest would be best?"

"Maybe kneeling and leaning on the bed? Or just being on all fours; that can help with the pain a bit, too."

She moved so she was on all fours on the floor, breathing deeply. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, you wouldn't be in labor with our fourth child for one thing." He teased, moving next to her so he could rub her back.

She smiled weakly, "That's certainly tru-gha!"

He murmured to her about breathing, hoping it would help. She breathed through the pain, though she was growing frustrated as the process seemed to be moving slower than she'd liked.

He applied pressure to her lower back, knowing it was a spot that needed it. She whimpered as the pain got worse, reaching for his hand. He clasped their hands together, wincing at her grip.

"The pressure's getting worse." She breathed, wanting to get up and walk again.

"It just means your water will break soon." He said.

"I know. In case you've forgotten I've done this several times."

"Yes, sorry, I'm aware. I was there, too. All four other times."

"Three."

"Huh?"

"Three other times. You said four."

"Oh."

"Can you go fetch some ice?" She asked, "We're going to need it later and I'd rather you get it now."

"Course." He nodded and left to go get it.

He hadn't been gone for more than a minute when her water broke, "Doctor!"

There were quite a bit of scrambling sound from down the hall before he rushed back in the room with a cup and a single ice cube. "What is it? Are you okay?"

"M-My water just broke." She breathed, leaning against the wall, clutching her stomach.

He put the cup down and hurried to her side to help her to the bed. "I'm going the check your dilation again." She nodded, though she kept his hand in a death grip, not wanting to let go.

He did his best to maneuver with just one hand, checking her cervix. "Only five and a half."

She groaned in frustration, "How is it only five and a half? It doesn't usually take this long. It's got to have been at least seven hours by now."

"You've never had a baby with this body, Riv." He said as soothingly as he could. "By biological terms, this is your first labour and first labours tend to be long."

She scowled, falling silent.

"So much for going out for breakfast." He murmured, shifting next to her.

"I'm afraid breakfast alone won't be happening for quite a while." She murmured.

"I guessed as much. Should I finished getting the ice?"

She nodded, "I can come too."

"Alright." He helped her stand.

She walked slowly with him to the kitchen, leaning against him. He kept his arm wrapped around her. The TARDIS made the kitchen close for them, only a few rooms down.

"Do you think we're having a boy or a girl?" River asked.

"Couldn't say." He shrugged, fetching a new cup and more ice cubes. "Doesn't matter to me."

She smiled, "Arthur says he thinks it's a puppy."

He laughed, crushing the ice into chips with a second cup. "That's certainly one guess."

"Yes, but something tells me he's going to be wrong on that one."

"I would have to agree with you on that." He nodded, handing her the cup of ice chips.

"Can we rest here for a bit?"

"Course." He nodded.

They ended up staying for over an hour, talking and resting. The Doctor periodically rose to make more ice chips when the other batches kept melting or being consumed.

Rivers contractions we're getting closer and closer together and it was clear she was getting more anxious. After a couple hours in the kitchen, they went slowly back to the bedroom, the Doctor holding his wife close.

She squeezed his hand a bit tighter now and forgot to breathe more often. He started reminding her to do so more, imagining this was all much more frustrating for her.

Her contractions were progressing much faster her than her dilation was and the baby still wasn't turned. The Doctor was growing concerned. River could tell that her husband was worried, which only caused her more anxiety, "What's wrong?" She asked for probably the third time.

He only told her as calmly as possible the same thing he'd told her before. "Just progressing a bit slowly."

"But what does that mean?" She knew there was more to what he was saying or else he wouldn't be acting the way he was.

"You're not as dilated as you ought to be for how close your contractions are."

"And so what's going to happen?"

"It could, um, cause some problems pushing..."

She swallowed, "Is there anything we can do?"

"Not really. Pushing early wouldn't be a problem if the baby was in the right position. Maybe you can talk to them?"

"I could try, but the baby doesn't understand much of what I say."

"It's all we can do for the moment." He encouraged.

She closed her eyes, trying to tell their baby to move. Dark grey was the only response. "Doctor, I don't think that baby understands..."

"May I try?" He asked, placing his hands on her middle. She nodded.

He started gentle pressing movements, trying to manually turn the child. River held her breath as the baby started to move. About halfway to the position they needed to be in, the baby decided it had had enough and kicked at the Doctor's touch in protest.

He frowned. "Come on, dearie..."

The baby settled into its new position, thinking it was done moving. He sighed. "How's the pressure?"

"Getting worse."

"How bad exactly?"

"Like I should be pushing soon, but I'm only seven centimeters."

He nodded his acknowledgment. "I think you should try to wait and get those extra centimeters. If you really can't wait that long then I'll try to internally turn them."

She nodded, gripping his hand. He squeezed back. "We ought to call Vastra, let her know you're having the baby."

"Can you get the phone?" She whispered.

He nodded, going over to fetch it.


	75. Terra Vastra Song

**Ch 75**

Together, River and the Doctor called their friend, River speaking first. "Hello, Vastra. How's Arthur doing?"

"He's delightful." She replied, Arthur audible in the background.

"Good, I'm glad he's not causing you too much trouble."

"I wanna say hi to Mummy!" Came their son's voice.

Vastra handed the phone over to him. "Hello, sweetie." River smiled into the phone.

"I saw a doggie on our walk!" He informed her excitedly.

"Did you really? Did it look like Toby?"

"No, it was a little doggie."

She quickly passed the phone to the Doctor, struggling to muffle a groan of pain. He took it quickly and offered a hand to his wife. "Hey, little man."

"Daddy! I saw a doggie on our walk!" Arthur repeated, excited to share the news with both his parents.

"That's lovely, Arthur!" He smiled affectionately. "Your mum and I actually called to tell you a surprise."

"What is it?" He asked eagerly.

"Your baby sibling is coming today."

"Really?! My puppy?!" He exclaimed.

"It won't be a puppy, lovie." The Doctor chuckled. "You're going to have a little brother or sister very soon."

The boy shrieked into the phone, "Auntie! My baby's coming!"

The Doctor pulled the receiver away from his ear, looking at River while Vastra calmed Arthur down. "Do you think we should have Vastra come help? Jenny could watch Arthur."

River nodded. He got back on the phone, which Vastra had taken back over by now while Arthur ran around her feet.

"The baby's coming?" Vastra asked to confirm what the boy had told her.

"Yes. The baby's coming. River's been in labor for about twelve hours now."

"Oh, dear. Do you need me to come and assist?"

"I was about to ask if it's not too much trouble. Things aren't exactly going as smoothly as they could."

"I'll leave Arthur with Jenny."

"Thank you. We'll come pick you up in a moment."

Vastra hung up the phone.

River clutched the Doctor's hand as another contraction came. "Keep breathing, love." He soothed.

"I am." She growled.

He was quiet until her grip loosened. "I've got to pop to the console room quickly and pick up Vastra."

"No!" Her grip tightened again, "Don't leave me."

He hesitated, though her expression won him over. He mentally asked the TARDIS to pilot to Vastra's for him so he could stay by his wife's side. The ship flew herself to Vastra's. The Doctor wiped of River's forehead with a rag he'd gotten earlier. "It's going to be alright."

"Don't leave me." She repeated.

"I'm staying right here, Riv. I'm right here." She relaxed a bit at that, sighing.

Vastra came in a couple minutes later, immediately asking what she could do for them. River was huddled against her husband, breathing through yet another contraction.

He looked up at Vastra. "Can you grab the stethoscope?" She nodded, retrieving the instrument for him. "Thanks." He murmured, putting the ear pieces in. "Just going to check Baby's hearts."

River nodded, still holding onto him as tightly as possible.

"They're slow." He murmured. "I'm going to check your dilation but it looks like I'm going to need to turn the baby."

River nodded slowly, though the fear in her eyes returned. He moved to the end of the bed, rubbing her leg in comfort. Vastra moved to take one of River's hands. River whimpered at the pain.

She had gotten a little further, now at about eight cm, but they couldn't wait for the other two cm she needed.

"I'm going to try and turn the baby, Riv. I'm sorry, but it's really going to hurt."

"Can't we wait a little longer?" She whispered.

"The baby's heart rates are getting low, there isn't much wiggle room for time." She squeezed her eyes shut. He scooted up a little and took her other hand. "River look at me."

She looked up at him.

"I know this is scary, but our baby needs you and she's going to be fine." He squeezed her hand. "I'm here and Vastra's here. You're going to be alright."

"She?" She breathed, "So you do have a suspicion." She tried to tease, despite how worried she was.

"Guilty as charged. I think it'll be a girl." He offered as warm a smile as he could. "And I know that she'll be just wonderful and you'll feel so much better when she's in your arms. She needs you now, River."

She nodded, "What do I have to do?"

"Hang in there while I turn her. It's fine to yell if you need. When she's head down you need to push."

She nodded, getting ready. He let go of her hand so he could externally feel the baby's position while his other hand reached into turn the baby.

River tried to hold in her pain, her teeth clenched. The baby's thoughts jolted, panicking at the unknown feeling of the hand. River tried to sooth the baby, calming their thoughts.

"Almost there." The Doctor said.

The baby's mind clung to River's for assurance. She kept soothing them, helping them both since the task helped focus her mind away from the pain.

"Okay, got it. Push now!"

River screamed and bore down, reaching for his hand. Vastra shifted to the Doctor's place and took over so he could be by River's side. She clung onto him like a lifeline, still pushing.

"Stop now," Vastra said. "Take a rest."

River stopped, breathlessly looking up at the Doctor. "You're doing well, love." He assured.

"So, Terra then?"

"It's only a guess, but yes."

"Terra Vastra Song." She murmured, looking to their friend.

Vastra looked up in surprise, a mix of shock and pride on her face. "Will that be her name?"

River nodded, "That's the name the Doctor and I picked."

"River... I'm truly honored." She breathed.

She smiled down at Vastra, though didn't get a chance to answer before the urge to push returned. Vastra and the Doctor were encouraging her to push again.

She leaned forward, putting in as much as she could, hair matted with sweat. The Doctor wiped the sweat away once the bout was over. This was going to take a while.

River was pushing for the next three hours with little progress. Vastra frequently checked the baby's heart beats, updating and keeping track of any change. She and the Doctor did their best to try and talk to River between contractions, trying to get her mind off the pain. It was mostly talk about the baby, how the kids would react (Arthur's excitement a clear preview), and praises to River for how strong she was being.

The contractions were coming much faster, leaving little time for them to talk (which really only consisted of Vastra and the Doctor talking anyway since River was growing too tired to participate).

Another hour dragged by in which the baby's head finally started to emerge more quickly, but the heart rates got even lower.

"Is the baby going to be okay?" River whispered horsely, looking between Vastra and the Doctor.

"If we can get her out soon." The Doctor said, wanting to stay positive.

"How much longer do you think it'll take?"

"It's hard to say at this point," Vastra answered.

Another forty minutes drifted by with no movement from the baby. "Perhaps we should try another position," Vastra suggested.

"Gravity can help the baby descend." The Doctor added.

"Do you want to help support River?"

"Course." He looked at his wife. "What do you want to try?"

"Squatting is supposed to be best." She recalled from a book she had read.

He nodded and helped her carefully shift off the bed and squat beside it. He positioned himself behind her to her was holding her up. She clutched onto both his hands during the next contraction so she was completely leaning on him, pushing as hard as she could, hoping that the new position would at least bring some progress.

Vastra announced that it seemed to be working, though the progress was still slow. River was relieved at least something was happening, pressing her forehead against the Doctor's jaw. He kissed her sweaty forehead. "You're doing so well."

"Tired..." She murmured, body already tensing with the next contraction.

"I know, love. You're almost there."

"Big pushes now, River," Vastra instructed.

River ignored her, too tired to keep going immediately. The contraction ended with her not having pushed much at all. "You've got to push harder next time, River."

"I can't." She whispered.

"You can, love." The Doctor encouraged. "You're doing so well, you're so strong. You can."

She shook her head, "I need a rest." She was extremely tired and rightfully so after being in labor for over seventeen hours and pushing for the last five.

They would have gladly given her rest if there was a way to do so, but with the contractions as strong and frequent as they were, is was impossible. "You can rest all you want once your baby is out." Vastra said, "But that does need to happen first and quickly."

The next contraction was starting and River was once again tensing but not pushing hard enough.

"You've got to push, River." Vastra insisted.

She finally bore down and pushed. The baby inched down further.

"That's good! Just a few more and the head will be out."

She fell back against the Doctor, panting heavily. He murmured an encouragement to her, feeling more excited and anxious the closer she got to bringing their child into the world.

"I can't..." She murmured under her breath.

"You can. I promise you can." He held her tighter. "You've done it before."

"Yes, but never for this long."

"You're all the stronger for it. You're doing brilliantly and you're so close to the end."

"I'm so tired." She whispered again. Her face was flushed and it looked rather dizzy.

Vastra and the Doctor exchanged glances. He reached for the wet rag to press against her heated skin. Vastra rose to find some ice chips.

"Just hang in there." He whispered. She held onto him.

Vastra hurried back over and handed the Doctor the ice. "Maybe we should try a vacuum assist."

"No." River said as firmly as she could. "I'm fine."

"You're exhausted." Her husband said, offering some of the ice chips.

"I can do it. I just _need_ a minute." She breathed, gratefully accepting the ice.

Vastra listened with the stethoscope again while the Doctor helped River finish off the cup.

The possibility of vacuum assist made her frightful. She wanted to do this of her own strength and certainly didn't want that thing near her baby. "I can do it." She insisted.

The Doctor smiled and took her hand tightly. "You're amazing, you know that?"

She nodded, determined and pushing at the next contraction.

"That's it, keep going!" Vastra urged.

"Nnnghh!" She groaned, bearing with the pain.

"Head's almost out, take a breather, darling."

River relaxed, panting again. "Almost there." The Doctor reminded. She nodded, already pushing again.

This contraction was particularly long and intense, the baby's head finally being fully force out. River shouted, bearing down hard, eager for this push to be her last.

Relief flooded her as she finally felt the baby slip free.

 _Cold_ , was the word that filled the telepathic connection as the baby started to cry. A tired but ecstatic smile broke out across River's face as she relaxed against the Doctor.

The baby's wails grew as Vastra cut the cord, wrapped her in a blanket, and put her on River's chest. "Your daughter."

River looked down at the baby, then up to the Doctor, beaming, then back down. _Hello, sweetie._

"She's beautiful." The Doctor whispered.

Terra blinked up at her parents with round, wet eyes, trying to adjust to the whole ordeal of being able to see.

"Terra Vastra Song." River murmured, feeling an overwhelming rush of emotion. She held the baby close, squeezing her eyes shut.

 _Mumma._ She thought, seeming to think the word was a synonym for warmth.

 _"Hello, my darling."_ River whispered tears in her eyes.

"River...?" The Doctor murmured, wondering if she was alright.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"What for? You did wonderfully."

She shook her head, "I feel like...our family is finally whole and I'm sorry that it took me so long to come to this point."

"River, that's nothing to apologize for. I'm very happy you feel that way now." He kissed her temple and gazed at their daughter. "[And we're very happy to have you in our family.]"

River kissed the baby's forehead, as Terra stared up at them, reaching out with her tiny hands. He let her wrap her fingers around one of his digits. "How about we get you back in bed?"

River nodded, getting into bed with his help, never taking her eyes off of their baby.

Vastra helped deliver the placenta and get River cleaned up while the parents fawned over their baby. Vastra decided to go cook dinner, mostly so the parents could have some alone time with their newest addition (and they hadn't eaten all day).

Terra was very tired from the whole weight of being born and was falling asleep on River's chest. Terra's nap didn't keep her parents from cooing over her. River examined every detail from her little fingers to the hairs on her head. Her hair was dark unlike her sisters', but just like her other siblings, had an unmistakable curl to it.

"She has your eyes," River whispered, nuzzling the Doctor's jaw.

"She's got my last face's chin, luckily." He grinned.

She laughed softly, "She's beautiful."

"Must've got that from you, too." He teased.

"Oh stop." She nudged him lightly.

"Not a chance." He nudged right back.

"We should get Arthur once she wakes up." She murmured.

"I wonder if he'll be disappointed she's not a puppy."

"I certainly hope he won't be." She murmured, stroking Terra's cheek affectionately. The little infant turned towards her in her sleep.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired and sore." She breathed.

"A rest well earned."

"Eighteen hours of labor, but It was so worth it."

He nodded in agreement as Terra started to stir. River smiled softly, looking down at the baby, "She'll probably be getting hungry now."

Promptly, the baby started whining for food. "Okay, my sweet, okay." She murmured, shifting her so she could get fed. Terra latched quickly, one hand reaching up. "Her hands are so small," River whispered.

"Babies tend to have small everything." He pointed out.

"Yes, I know." She smiled. Terra grabbed onto one of River's curls. "Careful, my love." River pried the curl out of her fingers.

She whined, milk dribbling out of her mouth.

"Doctor, can you help me?" River murmured, trying the get the baby to relatch so she could finish eating.

He snaked his arms around hers, helping her reposition Terra. Terra waved her hands, grasping onto the Doctor's. "[Hello, sweetheart.]" He smiled at her.

She blinked, settling against her mother's warmth.


	76. But Always When You Need it the Most

**Ch 76**

There were footsteps from down the hall and some very excited, but indistinguishable words from a young voice before, "I know you're excited but you must be calm and quiet if you want to meet your sister."

River let Terra finish eating before getting themselves situated to see Arthur.

There was soon a soft knock on the door. "Come in," River called.

The whole Paternoster gang came into the room with the little buzzing two-year-old running in front of them. "Mummy!"

"Hello, sweetie." River beamed, "Do you want to meet your little sister?"

He nodded hard enough to give himself whiplash, then tried to scramble up on the bed.

"Be careful!" She warned.

Jenny moved to help him up on the bed. River held out her free hand letting him come sit with her, "Here she is, her name is Terra."

"Terra." He tested the sound out, peering at the infant in his mother's arms. Terra peered back, shying away a bit from the new person. "She's small!"

"Yes, she's very tiny so we're going to have to be extra careful around her."

 _Who?_ Terra demanded, wondering about the strangers in the room.

 _This is your big brother, Arthur._ River angled the baby so she was fully facing her brother.

Terra blinked at him and Arthur beamed at her. He poked her cheek and touched her head and she made a small noise of recognition. _Small hand?_

 _Yes._ "Arthur, be gentle."

"I am!" He defended.

Vastra and Jenny approached the bed. "She's a beautiful one, Professor." Jenny awed.

"Thank you, Jenny." She smiled, looking down at the baby, then Arthur. "Do you want to hold her?"

"Yes!" The boy cheered.

"Alright, sit down."

He settled himself in his father's lap and eagerly held out his arms. River gently placed the baby in his arms, looking to the Doctor to make sure he would help Arthur. He did, circling his arms around the two children.

"What do you think Arthur?"

"She's heavy." He murmured, having never held something as heavy as the baby before.

The Doctor smiled fondly. "You were this heavy when you were born."

"Her nose is tiny." He wiggled an arm out from under her to poke her nose. Terra shied away from his hand with a small whine.

"Careful, little man. She's still very little and delicate."

"I am being careful!" He whined, his concept of careful being very different from River and the Doctor's.

The Doctor was about to quiet him down when he realized Terra wouldn't actually be bothered by his volume. "Careful like she's made of feather's, lovie. You have to be very gentle around babies like you're holding Mr Thomas."

Arthur tried to poke her nose again, but went very slowly, thinking that constituted as gentle. Terra only wrinkled up her face for a moment then tried to wiggle her arms out of the blanket to scratch her nose. Arthur giggled, thinking the face she made was funny.

 _No touch._ Terra complained, annoyed.

"Arthur..." River murmured, "I know it's very fun, but I don't think she likes being poked."

"But it's funny!"

"I know, but she doesn't like it. Why don't you come snuggle with me and we can let Daddy hold her for a little bit?"

He hesitated, then looked at his mother and realized he hadn't seen her in two days and moved to settle next to her. "Why did she take so long to come?"

"Because she needed time to grow and get strong." She explained, wrapping her arms around submitted to her warmth.

"But you said she was coming a while ago." He yawned. "And now it's really late and she's here."

"You know that it takes a while for babies to come. She's not very late at all."

"It's nearly eleven." The Doctor murmured.

"I didn't want sleep 'till I met my baby," Arthur said in the same tone.

River stroked his hair, kissing his temple, "Well now that you've met her, it's time to sleep." He tried to protest, but another yawn betrayed him as his eyes drooped. River rubbed his back, trying to sooth him to sleep.

It took Arthur no time at all to surrender to sleeping and soon enough he was snoring at his mother's side. River smiled, looking at the Doctor, "He looks like you when he sleeps."

"Does he? Well, I suppose." He agreed, attention still caught up with his daughter.

Toby came into the room, walking up to the bed to sniff the bundle in the Doctor's arms. The Doctor patted the bed for the dog.

"Doctor, are you sure..." River whispered. Though she had come a long way in her trust of the dog, some things he did still made her nervous. Toby hopped on the bed and sat patiently on the Doctor's legs.

"I'll protect her. "

She bit her lip, falling silent.

"Gentle now." He told the dog, who very slowly started sniffing at the bundle of blankets.

Terra whined, frightened at first by the big animal, not knowing what it was. "Shhh, it's okay, lovie." The Doctor rocked her a little. "He's friendly."

She started to cry, not knowing what was going on. Toby didn't need the Doctor to tell him to back down, jumping off the bed himself.

Terra was still crying, needing comfort. The Doctor held her closer, holding her against his chest and humming so she could feel the vibrations. She started to calm down, clutching onto the fabric of his shirt.

"Maybe you can meet Toby later, hmm?" He soothed, glancing at the dog. "Sorry, mate."

"She's hardly an hour old." River murmured, "I'm sure she'll love him, she's just overwhelmed right now."

He nodded and looked over at his wife, then his friends. "Would you like to hold her, Vastra?"

"I would love to." Vastra smiled, walking over to take the baby from him.

He shifted a sleepy Terra to her aunt's arms. Terra stared up at her aunt, reaching up to touch her face. "Oh, she's precious." She whispered.

River beamed, "Thank you."

"I'm going to put Arthur to bed." The Doctor murmured, get up.

River nodded, giving Arthur one last kiss on the forehead. The Doctor scooped up his son and left to tuck him in.

Arthur stayed asleep through the entire process, obviously exhausted. He kissed his son goodnight, running into Vastra and Jenny in the hall. "Are you leaving?"

"Jenny's going to go home," Vastra informed. "I told River I'm staying for the weekend and help get everyone adjusted. I imagine you'll both be quite tired after today."

He nodded. "Thank you both so much for everything."

"It's no problem at all." Both women smiled. He gave them an appreciative hug before wishing them goodnight and heading back to River.

Back in the room, both River and Terra had fallen asleep, the baby in a crib beside the bed.

The Doctor smiled, pausing over the crib to gaze at his daughter. She slept soundly, tiny fingers flexing in her sleep. He reached down so she could wrap a small hand around his finger. "Mummy didn't mean to erase you, Terra. She was just scared. You're loved now, sweetheart. You're safe and loved."

"What?" River whispered, starting to wake up.

"Nothing, my dear. Just telling our daughter she's loved." He straightened and slipped back into bed beside his wife. "You did amazingly today."

"Thank you." She whispered, curling up beside him, "...Do you ever feel like...like maybe we've done this before?"

"We have three other kids, of course, we've done this before." He wrapped his arms around her.

"That's not what I meant. I meant this specifically this pregnancy...the past few months have just felt..." She sighed, "I don't know..."

"Deja vu?" He asked, moving his hand to her cheek.

"Sort of..."

"Do you remember?"

"Remember what?"

He shook his head, dismissing the thought. "Don't worry, River. I know what you mean. You've worked hard today, you should get some rest."

"Does this not bother you at all?" She frowned, getting a bit upset.

"Well sure it does, but what's the point of letting it?"

"Because I can't let it go! It's been bothering me for months!"

He sighed. "Just calm down a moment, yeah?" He stroked his thumb over her cheek. "That feeling, it's something I'm a bit more used to because it happens when time changes."

She pulled away from him a bit.

"River...?" He wanted to tell her, she had the right to know, but he didn't want her to remember the misery she'd gone through.

"I don't understand what's happening." She whispered.

"Our personal timeline changed, it would make sense that you don't." He said, trying to offer what comfort he could.

She sat up, moving away from him, "How do you know this, but I don't?"

"You've got a lot more human in you than I do. Full Timelords are accustomed to remembering multiple separate timelines."

"What happened?" She asked, wanting the truth.

"Well, I don't remember all of it very clearly." He warned. "But, on Arthur's first Valentine's day... I convinced you to try for Terra. You changed your mind after some time, but you were already pregnant." He paused. "It's easier just to remember the emotions, but it... well it wasn't good. I kept pushing you to try to want her, and you kept pushing back. I think you left me at some point, and I just kept thinking it would be better once she came, but it wasn't. You were scared and not ready and I just didn't understand that so... well, I think you wanted to give Terra a mother who would be a mother to her. I saw you, that version of you, on Valentine's day. You looked so tired and lost."

She swallowed, seemingly curling into herself. A barrier in her mind snapped, bringing a flood of all the feelings that she'd had at one point, all the feelings she didn't want to remember.

"River? River you have to focus on now. Your mind may not be able to handle the timelines."

She shook her head, slowly moving to get off the bed.

"Please, River. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the way I pushed, but please don't run again. You have a beautiful daughter. Remember how happy we were when she came today?" He couldn't bare to lose her to this.

She moved to the crib, looking down at the baby, staring at her, shaking.

"I only remembered when Arthur started holding her. Oh god, I shouldn't have told you so soon."

Terra shifted, sticking her thumb in her River. She started to cry, silently, shaking her head. He quieted himself, knowing he wasn't helping.

One of her tears landed on Terra's cheek, waking the infant.

"I don't deserve her." She whispered, "I don't deserve a second chance to be her mum."

"But you have one and she needs you."

The baby started whimpering, reaching up for River. She lifted up the baby, holding her close and sobbing quietly.

 _Mum._ Terra thought warmly, though was confused at River's distraught emotions. River shook her head, shaking. _Mumma!_

The Doctor stood and approached her, not going to close in case she wanted him away.

"I can't do it. I'm not good enough to be her mum."

"You're good enough to be a mum to our other children, why not her?" He asked quietly.

"Because I didn't want her." She whispered.

"But you do now, don't you? " He said, quickly worrying about what her answer would be.

"Of course, but… I didn't want her to begin with, so why should I get her now?"

"Because... because this isn't just your second chance. It's hers, too. You didn't just rewrite time to give yourself more time, you did it because _she_ deserves a life where she is loved by her mother. You love her and you are _her_ second chance. Not every mistake has to be irreversible. Not every mistake has to have consequences you can't reconcile with."

River hugged the baby close, kissing her temple. Terra made a gentle coo. _Loved._

 _I love you._

Light green, then shimmering bright orange-golden flecks conveyed Terra's mutual feels. River slowly sat on the bed, holding the baby as tightly as she could without hurting her, shaking like a leaf.

The Doctor dared to sit next to her as Terra tried hard to mentally smooth her mum. River just kept mentally repeating to her daughter that she loved her. "How could I ever have given this up?"

The Doctor put a hand on her shoulder. She leaned into him, still quite obviously upset. He let out a breath and embraced the two of them, kissing River's head. "Is there anything I can do, love?"

She shook her head, her body still trembling. Terra squirmed a bit in her mother's tight grip. _Not alone_.

River loosened her grip, kissing Terra's head.

 _No sleep alone._ Terra tried again.

"I want her to sleep with us," River whispered.

"We can do that." The Doctor nodded. River slowly crawled back into bed, settling in with the baby. He moved to lie next to her. "Will you be okay?"

"I don't know..." She whispered.

He lay on his side to see her and their baby who was quickly falling back asleep on her chest. "I know that this is all very... monumental, but I want you to know that we're both different this go around. If you want your space, all you need to do is ask, and if you need me, I'll be right here."

She nodded, taking his arm and pulling it around her. "Promise?"

He smiled softly. "To the bottom of my hearts. I love you, River."

"I love you too." She murmured.

Terra was just awake enough to contribute her sleepy thoughts of affection for her parents as they held each other close.

"She loves you very much."

He shifted to give his daughter a kiss. "Welcome to the family, lovie."

 _Family..._ Terra thought before falling asleep.


	77. Epilogue

[This story will be marked as completed now, but wait! There's more! (If you feel like reading it) The co-writer and I decided to do another part that deals with when the Doctor regenerates. It won't be up online for another few weeks, but keep an eye out for it by following my work!]

 **Ch 77**

Toby and Arthur's faces were inches away from River's, breathing in her face in anticipation for her to wake up.

"Doctor..." River grumbled, eyes still closed and half asleep, thinking the thing above her was the Doctor.

Toby snorted and Arthur giggled, putting a hand over his mouth. River made a face, eyes opening slowly, a moment of confusion passed over her face before she smiled, "You're not Daddy..."

"That's Daddy!" He pointed to his father, a sleeping lump on River's other side.

"Shall we wake him up?" She asked, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

He nodded excitedly, climbing up on the bed. River beckoned Toby up on the bed as well, "Let's have Toby give him some good morning kisses." River whispered, tapping her husband's lips lightly so the dog would know where to lick.

Toby joyfully started slobbering all over the Doctor's mouth, jolting the man awake with a disgusted noise. "Augh! Toby, no!"

River laughed, covering her mouth. As the Doctor spat, he looked over at his giggling counterparts. "Not funny, you two."

"I'm sorry, my love." River tried to suppress her laughter, "Would you like a real good morning kiss?"

"Not before I brush my teeth. I don't think you want dog slobber, too." He said, getting up to the loo.

River smiled at Arthur, kissing the top of his head.

He looked up at her. "I'm going to school today."

"I know you are. Is that's why you've woken us all up so early?"

He nodded. "I'm ready!"

"Oh really?" She laughed softly, "Is your lunch packed?"

"Um... no." He admitted.

"Ah, I see. Well, I can certainly help with that."

He perked up. "Can Terra come to school with me?"

"No, my love, I'm afraid not. Terra's going to stay home today." She murmured.

He pouted. "But I wanna eat lunch with her."

"I'm sorry, my love, you can't, but you'll be able to do that on the weekends."

He still didn't look too pleased. "Can we wake her up?"

"No, sweetie, it's very early."

The Doctor emerged from the bathroom. "What's got you in a pout, little man?"

"Terra can't come to school." He frowned.

"She's not old enough yet, sweetheart." He sat on the bed with them.

"But I want her to come." Arthur pouted.

"She'll come with us to drop you off and she'll be with us when we pick you up." He tried to assure.

"But I won't get to eat lunch with her."

"Hm... How about you help make her a lunch when we make yours? That way when she eats her lunch she'll think of you."

He nodded slowly, the idea making him feel a bit better, "Okay."

The Doctor smiled. "Now, it's too early to wake any of your sisters, but you can stay here and cuddle with Mummy and I if you want to."

Arthur nodded again, snuggling into the bed. The Doctor looked up at his wife. "Can I have my 'good morning' kiss now?"

"Well, I suppose so." She smiled, leaning in to kiss him.

Arthur stuck his tongue out as his parents kissed over his head. "Ew!"

River laughed softly once they had broken apart. Arthur looked up at them. "Why can't I go to school now?"

"Because it's too early, my love. I promise you'll be off very soon."

"I want to get up now." He insisted.

"Arthur, if you get up now you'll wake everyone else up."

"I can be quiet!" He protested loudly.

"Arthur..." River warned.

"Tell you what, Arthur," the Doctor butted in, "I'll get up and start making pancakes for everyone if you sit tight with Mummy until they're done."

"I wanna come!"

"If you stay with Mummy you can have extra chocolate chips." He bribed.

He hesitated, then agreed. The Doctor kissed the boy's forehead and went to go downstairs.

River wrapped her arms around the boy, kissing his head, and wrapping the blanket around him. He snuggled against her. "Is school scary?"

"No, school is very very fun." She beamed, "You know, you went to school once? Before you were born you went to my University classes all the time."

"How could I go if I wasn't borned yet?"

"You were in my belly." She murmured, "And you would listen to all my lessons."

"How come you don't teach anymore?"

"Because I have you and Terra now."

"So? We can come with you!" He grinned.

She laughed softly, "No, I'm afraid if I went back to teaching you'd have to stay home with your father."

"Oh." He nodded. "Did you have school friends?"

"Yes, I did." She nodded.

"Do they miss you?"

"I don't know." River murmured, "I haven't really talked to anyone from the University since I left"

"You should so I can meet them." He said.

"Well if you really want to, perhaps we could think about going for a visit one day."

"Yes!" He nodded excitedly.

She smiled, "Alright, we'll think about it."

"I'm gonna make friends and then they can come on adventures with us and have sleepovers and I can eat lunch with them."

"At your school?"

He nodded. "Mia and Freya said they met Matty on their first day."

"Yes, they did, and I'm sure you'll meet lots and lots of friends too."

He beamed. "I wanna go now."

"We still have a few hours..."

"We have a time machine!"

"I know, but you want Terra to come and drop you off, right?" He nodded slowly. "Well she's sleeping right now, and she'll be tired and grumpy if we wake her up too early."

He sighed and grumbled. "Fine."

"Daddy's pancakes will be ready soon."

He nodded and closed his eyes. She kissed his head. Soon enough, he did fall back asleep.

The Doctor crept back into the room, smiling to see his plan had worked. River smiled back, stroking Arthur's hair, "Good job." She murmured.

He settled carefully back in bed. "I made a batter, but pancakes can happen when it really is time to get up."

River nodded slowly, "Good thinking."

He looked at her. "Something on your mind?"

"I was just...thinking. About something you said to me a long time ago."

"What did I say?" He asked.

"You told me that you were looking for Gallifrey..."

He nodded, reaching over to take her hand. "Yes. Still am."

She nodded slowly, "Okay."

"Was there a question behind that thought?"

"Well, I was wondering if you had made any progress."

"I'm getting closer, but there's an awful lot of universe to look through." He murmured.

"I know." She murmured, holding her hand out for him.

He squeezed it and smiled softly. "I can't believe Arthur's starting school today."

"I know. Where has the time gone?"

"Raising our beautiful children." He smiled, leaning over to kiss her temple.

"Is that a gray hair I see, Mr. Song?" She teased.

"What? Where?" He frowned, running his hands quickly through his hair.

"I'm only teasing." She laughed softly.

He relaxed. "Cheeky."

She smiled, nuzzling his cheek, "Worried about going gray?"

"It's possible." He admitted.

"Well, I'm sure you'll be handsome, gray or not." She said knowingly.

He smiled. "I'm glad you think so." Hers was the only opinion he cared about.

She nipped his ear lightly, "I love you."

His cheeks pinked up and he turned to her to kiss her. "I love you, too."

"My silver fox." She teased.

"My golden goddess." He countered, bouncing one of her blonde curls. She laughed softly, careful not to disrupt the sleeping boy between them.

They talked quietly while the sun slowly made it's way above the horizon, neither of them seeming to want the few hours of extra sleep.

River re-woke Arthur once it finally was time for him to wake. "Good morning, my sweet. It's time for school."

The boy woke very quickly, nearly jumping out of bed.

"Shall we go wake your sisters?" She laughed softly.

He nodded eagerly, already scurrying to the door. She followed him down the hall.

Arthur ran into Terra's room, clambering onto her bed and tapping her shoulder impatiently. Terra pouted batting his hand away.

"[Wake up!]" He tried again, frowning.

She looked up at him, yawning sleepily.

"[Daddy made pancakes!]" He informed her.

Her eyes grew wide, and a smile widened. He pulled on her arm to get her out of bed. She wiggled out of bed, following him.

Terra paused in the doorway where her mother had been watching. "[Can we have chocolate milk, too?]"

River nodded, walking over to kiss her daughter's forehead.

The little girl smiled. "[Are my sisters awake?]"

River shook her head, "[Not yet, but I'm going to wake them up now. Would you like to help?]"

Terra nodded, raising her arms up to be lifted. River scooped her up, hugging her close and carrying her to the girls' room. Arthur didn't join, heading downstairs for breakfast.

River set Terra down in the doorway of the twins' bedroom, letting her wake them up. She stumbled over to Freya's bed and tried to climb up. It was too high for her, so she just ended up pulling the blanket off. Freya, still sleeping soundly, didn't notice.

River crept over, lifting Terra onto the bed. Freya was lying on her stomach, so Terra crawled over and sat on her back with a wide grin.

Freya groaned, wiggling to try and get the sudden weight off her. Terra started giggling. "Go away," Freya grumbled, thinking it was Arthur.

Terra couldn't hear her sister's complaint, pushing on her shoulders. Freya finally wiggled her arms out to show her sister that she was awake.

Delighted, Terra finally got off her back and sat next to her face. "[Pancakes!]"

"[Really?]"

"[Daddy's making them.]" She nodded.

Freya wiggled out of bed, going to wake Amelia.

"[No! I wanna wake her!]" Terra frowned.

Freya sighed, "[We can do it together.]"

She hesitated, looking up at River.

"[It's alright, you can do it together, but be gentle.]"

Terra nodded and went to wake her other sister. Amelia woke a bit faster than Freya, just as excited about the pancakes as the rest of her siblings.

The twins raced downstairs ahead of Terra who stumbled to keep up with them. River stayed next to Terra, making sure she made it safely down the stairs. Soon enough, the entire family was seated at the table and enjoying their food.

River smiled at the Doctor from across the table, thinking back to the days when it was just the two of them at the table. He looked back at her with adoration and joy. "How time flies."

"I love you." She beamed.

"I love you, too." He said, looking over their family; big, messy, and wonderful.

Toby barked, wanting to be a part of breakfast. Arthur snuck him a piece of his food, less discreetly than he knew. Toby immediately retrieved the piece of food, licking Arthur's fingers.

Arthur finished his pancakes before everyone else. "Can I go to school now?"

"Well, we still have to make your lunch and everyone else has to get dressed, but after that, I promise we can go."

He sighed impatiently while Terra asked what they'd said. River signed for Terra so she would also know what was happening.

The family finished breakfast and the twins went upstairs to get dressed, chattering about the day to come.

River went with Terra to pick out her clothes, helping her get changed before changing herself.

Downstairs, the Doctor made four bagged lunches, Arthur helping with Terra's.

As the children went to put their shoes on, River crept up behind her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder. "The kids have school, and Terra has her speech class, it looks like we're going to have some time alone this morning."

"Now there's a rare treat. Can I interest you in date, Professor Song?" He hummed.

"Oh, a date? I'd like that, Mr. Song." She smiled.

He turned to face her, giving her a quick kiss on the nose.

"What, that's it?" She raised an eyebrow.

He chuckled, then gave her a more proper kiss on the lips. She smiled into the kiss, "That's better."

Terra came over and tugged on River's shirt. River looked down, smiling at the girl.

"[Can I go to school, too?]"

"[Well, you have speech class today.]"

"[Tomorrow?]" Terra hoped.

River hesitated, looking up at the Doctor. She hated having to tell her daughter that she wouldn't get to go to school for another few years, and even then, it would be different from the school her siblings were attending.

"[I'm sorry, lovie, but you can't go to school until you're older.]" The Doctor admitted to her. "[But you can come with us to drop your brother and sisters off every day]."

She pouted, "[But I want to go.]"

"[Don't you want to spend time with Mummy and me?]"

She nodded slowly.

"[I promise we'll have lots of fun today. Your siblings will be back before you know it.]"

"[I don't want to go to talk school today.]" She looked teary eyed at her Father.

"[Why not, sweetheart?]"

"[Too hard.]" She whimpered, then started to cry.

River quickly bent down and wrapped her arms around the girl. "[I know it's hard to love, but you'll get the hang of it soon]."

Terra clung to her mother. Oral training made her feel rather alienated from the hearing world, especially since there was no singing allowed during class. It was difficult and she could barely say hello without stumbling.

River stroked her hair, pressing a kiss to her temple. "[We love you, and we know you can do it. Do you want to know a secret?]"

She sniffed and nodded.

"[When I was learning to sign, I had lots of trouble. There were so many times that I wanted to give up, but I didn't. Daddy kept giving me lessons and after a while, I started to learn and it got easier and easier. So I promise, talking will get easier for you. If you want, Daddy and I will help you practice on the days you don't have class.]" She dried her daughter's cheeks.

This seemed to make the girl feel a lot better because she gave a small smile and nod and hugged her mum.

River hugged her tightly, giving her another kiss on the forehead, "[So, are you going to go to class today?]"

She hesitated, the but Doctor bribed her with ice cream afterward and she soon agreed. Once Terra had agreed, they gathered the backpacks. River double checked each one before they headed out with Toby.

The walk was short and even with all the time they'd spent prepping, they were still early to the school grounds. The children spent their extra time playing on the playground, promising not to get too dirty. Amelia and Freya were delighted to introduce their little siblings to the friends that they ran into. Arthur was ecstatic, telling practically everyone who he met that he was starting school that day. Terra stuck close to her siblings.

Their parents proudly watched them play. "Do you think Terra's alright?" River asked softly.

The Doctor watched Arthur translate between her and a boy he'd met. "She seems alright."

She nodded slowly, still ready to jump in at any moment. River had become known for being very protective of her children, Terra especially.

As other parents showed up they made conversation with the Timelords, talking about their summers and other human-y things. The two kept their answers to normal human-y answers, not mentioning any of their otherworldly adventures.

Terra made her way back to her parents when more children arrived, shying away from all the moving lips. River kept her close, protective as ever of her little girl. The Doctor kept up the conversation with the other adults until the bell rang and all the kids stopped playing to say goodbye to their parents.

"Goodbye, my loves. Have a wonderful day." River kissed the girls first. They gave her hugs and hurried off to their class.

Arthur was next. She leaned down and kissed his cheek, "Have a fun, my love. Be good."

"I will!" He smiled, turning to his sister. "[I'll be back really soon.]"

Terra waved to him. Arthur hugged her before going off in the same direction the twins had gone. River and Terra waved as he ran off.

"I still can't believe he's five already."

"Neither can I." River murmured.

"Eleven years of this, almost." He looked at River as other parents left. "I wouldn't take it back for the world."

"Neither would I." She smiled. "Not a moment."

He smiled and stepped into her space to kiss her. She smiled back, kissing him back and touching his cheek. He wrapped his arms around her and their little girl, not caring what the future brought.

They didn't need to know about any of the challenges they had waiting for them, like that Arthur would soon meet a boy named William and the Doctor would explain to his son of the brother he never knew while River cried in their bedroom, and soon after the family would visit his grave for the first time since the cremation.

It didn't matter that in just a few years the Doctor would find his home planet and return to River a grey-haired, confused, Scottish man, or that cracks in the wall would bring his next face to meet a scared and irrational River on Dundenbar in a crumbled timeline.

They might have even laughed if they knew River would go back to Luna to clear everything up and teach a once a week elective class, or that when River would deter Jack's invitation next year to come drinking with him, the message would end up eleven years earlier in the very hands of the River Song who soon after drunkenly stumbled into the TARDIS and started their wonderful family with the Doctor.

It didn't matter to River. It didn't matter to the Doctor. He knew that everything he'd worked for, his family, would be there. His brilliant wife would always be there. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie." She whispered, "No matter what."

He reached down to take her hand and give it a soft squeeze, holding it firmly as they started the walk home.

[I'd just like to thank all of you who've stuck by this fic for over two full years. I'm really glad I got to share this with you all because it was such a big part of what I've done with my time for so long. I loved writing this and honestly being able to come home from a shitty day and be able to escape through means of writing this fic helped me a lot. I'm so lucky to have found a writing partner with such great ideas and who liked my ideas, too. Thank you all for your amazing comments and support 3]


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